The Digibandit: 11/01/2025

Friday, November 21, 2025

Viscious Ball Breaking torturing American Wives (and girlfriends)

Muslims treat their women like The Chinese treat dogs! - As a result they have NO idea how viscious a nagging wife can be -Especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife" (i don't include girlfriend nagging ball busters (just as viscious) Because Muslims don't have girlfriends - that would imply courtship and options for the women)

So - you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."

Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife! For REALY hard cases we bring in a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding - And all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:

"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been -I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.

You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you a wanted terrorists address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less!

Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even;

"Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then -Iin the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones (or facing beheading) -And that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.

How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat drink and smoke too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......

"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -And then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.

C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.

oomynuts@gmail.com

(massive collection of like shit available)

Post Leo X15 Declares Castration for ALL Priests

Post Leo X15 Declares Castration for ALL Priests
“They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting
ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at our "Club Vatican"
Pope continues “And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex
lives - the Church is a haven for sexual deviants who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk
their prey.”
“And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens
of thousands of victims- lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually
assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less)”.
“And if you think it's not business as usual in the " Now Johnny -God want's me to put my staff in
your mouth and then in your bung hole -so be a good little Altar Boy" business - Then you must
be delusional!”
“You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a
handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to
get a hard on if Selena Gomez walks into his bedroom naked.”
So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queer
sickos into "Club Vatican."
OH -And i will lead by example!
Oh -and not to worry --God will keep our nuts safe until we get to Heaven.
ALSO In a shocking revelation the Pope has announced that he will allow himself
to be sodomized by a Priest to protest what he called:
"A catholic clergy that is overrun with priests who enjoy fucking
children!"
He went on; "and any priest at whatever level of authority that is implicit in this
crime of all crimes will be sodomized and castrated
And Crucified!

Thursday, November 20, 2025

-Slash fiction creator -Shock Jock - AND various Satirical Short Stories (here and on Substack)

The Onion with Balls substack

Here's an example Entry Denied -A Tragedy

Mary Jane Langmore was the hottest of all the hotties at Knucklesburg High School in Knucklesburg, Tennessee located in the heart of a GOP District, represented by Milo Fuchs, a well known meth dealer and White Supremacist, which went 97% for trump in 2016 (the seven Jewish families who voted for Clinton were since terrorized and left town).

I mention this to give y’all a clear picture of the environment in which Mary Jane evolved from a humble beginning -overcoming the obstacles of her poverty and a drunken abusive father and drug addled mom to become the undisputed best cheer leader for The Knucklesburg Beavers; known all across the region for her slow turning triple handstands performed with no underwear!

This distraction to their opposing teams was performed to the renowned Knucklesburg Team Chant “Save a Tree -Eat a Beaver”

Five feet 11 inches of pure female perfection she was widely referred to by the young men in Knucklesburg County (and beyond) as : “The Teen Goddess who could suck the chrome off a Trailer Hitch”

Almost Graduating from High School she had a demanding schedule of studying for her GED - Waitressing at The Knucklesburg Diner and Pole Dancing at “Bucky Bucks Beaver Palace” out on route 95 just past The Knucklesburg Speedway.

SO NOW

You might surely be astonished to find out that Mary Jane Langmore is currently engaged to be married to Preston Sturgiss ( Scion of The Sturgiss Mining family and only son of Harrold Sturgiss and Vanessa ne’e Vanderbilt Sturgiss)

Yep - Young Preston Sturgiss having recently acquired his MA from the Colorado School of Mines after completing his degree from Princeton in Geology was then sent by Sturgiss Mining to explore coal mining opportunities in Knuckleburg County and apply his knowledge of modern extraction methods to develop clean coal -Especially a deep untapped vein discovered in a “Holler” three miles from downtown Knucklesburg.

Starting to see a cruel tragedy evolving for young Preston?

From the first time Young Preston Sturgiss stepped out of his limo -Strode into the Knucklesburg Diner where Mary Jane Langmore was assiduously catering to the best and brightest of Knucklesburg,while dodging their dog whistles and grab

ass - AND soon detected his lascivious eyes tractor beaming onto the greatest lips - ass and legs and tits he had ever seen, she knew there just might be a way out of the white trash hell that God thought he was trapping her in.

AND indeed! -The first time the Chrome on Preston’s “Trailer Hitch” melted down the throat of Mary Jane Langmore; it was over! - He was sucked into a burgeoning tragedy worthy of The Bard!

“There’s quite a difference between fucking what you can get, and fucking something that blows the brains out of your skull like a 44 Magnum.”

― Dan Skinner, The Price of Dick

Having completed his initial two week forays into The potential Sturgiss Coal Mine acquisition and into Mary Jane Langmore -The sensually altered/enhanced /diminished residue of Preston’s formerly disciplined mind had now taken charge of operations AS he announced to his family that accompanying him back to their

August manor in Old Greenwich ,Connecticut for Thanksgiving - Would be his new fiancee!

The Sturgiss and Vanderbilt clan greeted this news with same abject horror felt by The Wampanoag Native Americans back when their Puritan ancestors had landed at Plymouth Rock.

Cut to The Chase

To say that Mary Janes’s presence among and contribution to the elite repartee among the titans of New England Society and Commerce and Industry was -Like a turd in punchbowl -Would better be explained by witnessing your finely groomed heir and model of rectitude and achievement - Reduced to a cloying Court Jester chained to a drunken female chimpanzee in a cage -Shiiting himself and then eating it to make the ape giggle!

Harrold Sturgiss conferred with his wife after the conclave from hell had concluded - They summoned their head of security - Conrad Blexton An ex British SAS commando leader and prominent “expeditor” for Black Hawk in Iraq, to their inner sanctum for Cognac and Cigars and that was that.

Preston awoke early - Eager to consummate his nuptials in the family chapel and then off on the family Gulfstream to their Villa on Lake Cuomo and then two weeks at The Paris Athenee indulging Mary Jane Sturgiss in all things Chanel -Cartier -Gucci -Hermes - Tiffany -Prada and Louis Vuitton.

Just name it darling!

BUT -Exiting the Manor where he expected to find his beloved taking an early swim and massage and/or sauna in the family spa - He encountered three Old Greenwich Police cars and A van with Dogs and handlers surrounding his father and his security team led by Conrad Blexton who was explaining the early morning discovery and disappearance of Ms. Langmore along with a family heirloom diamond necklace and One of their Rolls Royces.

Two hours later the car -The necklace and Mary Jaynes’ dead - alcohol and drug laden body - were retrieved from a salt water marsh out on Todd’s Point, 5 miles from the spot where Her husband to be was now preparing to hang himself from

a beam in That very Chapel he believed would perpetuate his perpetual bliss in “Trailer Hitch Heaven”

Sunday, November 16, 2025

Imagine America’s New War on Drugs: Now With Even Fewer Rights

Americans have grown accustomed to learning that, far from our shores, suspected drug

traffickers are sometimes dispatched with an efficiency that would make any autocrat envious. A

skiff approaches a naval vessel a little too quickly, an officer peers through binoculars and

decides the intent looks criminal, and a burst of bullets resolves the ambiguity. Sometimes,

tragically, the “traffickers” turn out to be fishermen. The ocean swallows the mistake, and the

republic moves on.

But lately, a question seems to be drifting in with the political tide: If we’re comfortable with

such tactics abroad, why not bring them home? Why maintain the pretense of due process

when we’ve already demonstrated how optional it is?

Imagine an America that applies its maritime doctrine of “shoot first, sort later” to its own streets.

The efficiencies, we are told, would be tremendous. Instead of judges, juries and evidence, we

could rely on the quick instincts of whoever happens to be armed and wearing a badge. A new,

streamlined process: identify a “suspect,” eliminate the suspect, and file a report under the

increasingly elastic category of “public safety.”

Picture the press conference: a podium, a flag, a lineup of officials pointing to rising overdose

deaths as justification for an unprecedented expansion of state violence. “We cannot afford to

be soft,” they might say. “And nothing says tough-on-crime like eliminating the crime scene

altogether.”

In this imagined America, it becomes almost quaint to ask whether the person killed actually

was a dealer. Why get tangled in the nettles of truth when certainty can be manufactured so

easily? If the high-seas approach teaches anything, it’s that mistakes are tolerable as long as

they happen out of view. And if they happen in view? Well, that’s what narrative framing is for.

But let’s be honest. This fantasy—this impossible, grotesque fantasy—appeals because it offers

something uniquely seductive: the illusion of control. Faced with the complexity of addiction,

poverty, mental illness, and the drug economy, some gravitate toward solutions that don’t solve

anything but look decisive on television.

Such a system would, of course, disproportionately target the same neighborhoods that have

borne the brunt of every previous iteration of the drug war. It would not touch the affluent user,

the discreet professional with a recreational habit, or the teenager in the suburbs whose

missteps are softened by parental advocacy. Extrajudicial punishment, like every other blunt

instrument, falls hardest on the people least able to withstand the blow.

And yet, the arguments for this dystopia follow a familiar cadence. “We tried incarceration. We

tried interdiction. We tried treatment. Why not try the final frontier of deterrence?” It is the

rhetorical equivalent of burning down the house because the plumbing is faulty.

But the true danger lies not in the outlandishness of the proposal. It lies in how plausible it

suddenly sounds.

A society does not collapse into authoritarianism with a single dramatic lurch; it slides there

quietly, greased by fear and justified by exceptional circumstances. A killing on the sea becomes

an arrest without probable cause. A militarized raid becomes a routine police tactic. A nation

once anchored by the rule of law starts experimenting with its removal in the name of efficiency.

And so the suggestion that we apply the high-seas “solution” to domestic drug crime is not

merely offensive. It is clarifying. It forces us to confront the contradictions we tolerate: our casual

acceptance of violence done in our name, our preference for spectacle over substance, our

belief that safety can be purchased by discarding other people’s rights.

If we are repulsed by the idea of executing suspected drug dealers on American streets—and

we should be—then we must also question the quiet comfort we’ve developed with doing it

anywhere else. Principles that travel poorly are rarely principles at all.

The drug crisis is real. The suffering is real. But so is the danger of becoming a nation that treats

human life as a logistical inconvenience.

America can choose accountability, justice, and evidence-based policy. Or it can choose the

simplicity of the trigger.

The world is watching to see whether we still know the difference.

Hitler Stalin and The Nick Fuentes Fan Club

Think of a mother or father hugging their children in a gas chamber while they choke to death on poisoned gas!

Think of a man or woman or child freezing to death in the Russian Gulag!

Think of a village filled with innocent men women and children in eastern Europe walking up surrounded by soldiers with machine guns -Being mass executed and plowed into mass graves before breakfast!

Think of an American soldier screaming in pain with his bowels torn out on some battlefield fighting for freedom!

Think of children shaking in fear in a bomb shelter right before a bomb blows them and their families to pieces!

Think of all the families wailing in grief trying to fathom why their completely innocent sons and daughters and parents and grandparents were cruelly slaughtered!

AND NOW -Multiply that tsunami of pain and rage and devastating grief and loss - By hundreds of millions!!!

None of which would have been possible without the psychopathic desires of two men!

Hitler and Stalin

Nick Fuentes and all his sick followers should be neutered before they can breed more mutated chimpanzees like themselves!

(which is exactly what they are)

Dave nelson

oomynuts@gmail.com

The Golden Stool (Rule) -What Christ REALLY said!

"do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are NOT full of bullshit"

Thursday, November 13, 2025

The New American Voter Act

The New American Voter Act -In Practice!

Merwin Crudeley Sr. entered his personal information at the voting station in Crumwell, Minnesota and was told he needed to answer some questions before he could vote!

He replied - “I’m registered - Iv’e lived here for forty eight years and voted Republican every year since i was eighteen cept when i switched over to vote for George Wallace when them negroes done acted up down south.”

Poll Booth guard - “That’s fine Sir but under the new American Voter Act passed by congress last year there are certain qualifications required now to make sure we all get the best government we all need -You probably heard about it?”

Crudely - “ I’m a Fox News watcher - Don’t believe nothin on any Jew Commie networks! -I do remember sompthin Carlson said about some new law gonna try and steal away the votes from loyal white Americans.”

Guard -”Well Mr. Crudely we assure you that’s not the case so if you’ll just come with me over to the screening room and answer some simple questions -It won’t take but a short time out of your busy day and responsibilities over at the poultry slaughter house “

Crudely - “ Howd you know that? - You damn dot heads been spyin on me? - Are you some kinda immygrant spy?”

As Crudely headed forcefully t0 to try and enter the voting booth he was restrained.

Crudely “Allright -What damn questions you want me to answer - Trump saysThe Publicans need my vote so i cain’t let y’all steal it away!”

Election Official - “So - Mr Crudely, can you tell me what constitutional article means the most to you and why?

Crudely - “Don’t take no shit from libtards cause they hate real Americans!”

Election Official - “I see - And what are the three branches of the government”

Crudely - “ You tryin to trick me and steal my vote so that spic bitch communist AOC can get into the White House .”

EO - “ Hmmm? -Well how about this - What is your feeling about the government helping needy folks and lifting them up?”

Crudely - “ Fuck em all -Let em get jobs and pay their dues like white people”

EO - But i see here where you receive food stamps - An earned income and child credits AND Medicaid, plus several other state and federal assistance programs to help those in need?”

Crudely - “ I got that comin! -My ancestors built this Country and we white folks ain’t turnin it over to you immygrants and faggy colored communists! -AND i’m gonna go right now and vote for Marjorie Taylor Greene and make sure y’all don’t get to ruin this blessed land! -There’s a shitload more of us than you libtards! -AND we armed!”

EO - “You are 100% right about that AND that is why - We are sorry -But - You won’t get get to vote!”

Crudely - “Im callin Trump and Greene and The local Oathkeepers and Neo’s and Nick Fuente and y’all gonna be sorry bout this!”

“ Fortunately for the sake of America -They won’t get to vote either -G’day Mr. Crudely and thanks for taking time out of your busy day from the poultry plant.”

Crudely - “We’ll be back and armed!”

EO -”Well sadly Mr. Crudely -You are now under arrest!”