Dr. Moishe Pipick – head of experimental agronomy at Cornell University - announced the results of a significant new study today;
“A free range chicken spends it’s entire life in a state of high anxiety! - It’s akin to what a human being would experience running around naked – at night – in the Kenyan wild Lion refuge.”
“On the other hand” –Dr Pipick stated; “a chicken within the enclosed security of a cage – where they can barely move – is like a human being snuggled up against a pair of warm tits in a comfy bed.”
“And consequently” he continued; “ Free Range chicken eggs contain a toxic chemical which is released by these “Free” birds - which spend their whole short lives in a state of constant terror and fear of being torn apart and devoured by predators at any given moment.”
He went on; “ This chemical produces high levels of anxiety and hypertension in women! – And - it has had a significant negative impact on male female relationships – and hence – culture and society as a whole.” (oops a pun)
Dr. Pipick concluded; “ Without getting too technical – the study – conclusively proves that women who ingest Free Range chicken eggs –are much more “Bitchy” (you’ll notice I didn’t use the “C” word ) -- heh heh heh!
“if you really want to do something? -Come up with a Free Range Flour - Our studies conclusively show that - wheat does not enjoy growing so closely together – and when stalks are planted at least three inches apart – they are much happier!”
“But that’s another subject”
