Chimpanzees Are Drinking and Smoking and Soon Dating White Women

 He's sooo strong and I would ball his brains out

 nothing like a drink a smoke and a white bitch
Our closest relative in the Animal kingdom continues to show how smart they are!

Experiments have shown they prefer White good looking women to female Chimps and prefer Booze to Bananas and would kill for a smoke.

Dr. Moishe Pipick -head biologist at The Interspecie Learning Institute in Berne,Switzerland said:

"It's truly amazing! - They love white women BUT only good looking well built ones and every time one of our hot lab assistants comes into the room they get erections BUT not with the fat ugly chicks.."
He said: 'I predict that in the near future there will be a trend toward interspecies sex - and i am not talking about Christian Rednecks humping cows;
"I am talking about sex and romance between hot White Chicks and Chimps!"

Fat Poor Velveeta Cheese Eaters Should be Profiled

Forget profiling illegals you Arizonan's! -A new study by the The National Research Institute has conclusively determined that :

"Folks who are poor and fat and eat Velveeta cheese - represent most of the social dysfunction in our society" -said Dr. Moishe Pipick -The Research Institutes president today - from their worldwide headquarters in Berne, Switzerland.

Dr Pipick related the studies key findings as follows:

"These folks commit 38% more misdemeanors - 28% more felonious assaults -56% more incidents of spousal and child abuse - and 78% of the men own guns and are avid hunters and have IQ levels that are grossly marginal."

"Furthermore" - he went on - "88% are white conservative Christians - 95% have seen a UFO and believe in Creationism - 46% live in the deep south or Texas - and over 72% have never experienced oral sex and have sex (with humans) less than eight times a year"

"And as suspected" -- He stated - "84% are alcoholics and drug users and regularly listen to Rush Limbaugh -and are in the lower 5% socio economic range"

Dr. Pipick concluded "So it's vividly apparent that our social profiling attention should be directed at Poor -Fat -Velveeta cheese eaters."

"Forget the illegals and Muslims!"

Remembering The Iraq Invasion - A Digibandit Blast From The Past

After watching an hour of Bill Moyers grind away at how we were all misled about Iraq having WMD and led into a thuggish invasion by the neocons - i went and puked on my lemon tree in splendid Hollywood and decided it was time to rant a little on this issue.

One - what with just having a bunch of religious wackos give us a wake up call about how bright our future looked - and with one of the most pathological and fascist tyrants on the planet refusing to come forward and offer proof that he wasn't trying to match his "Death To America" rhetoric with WMD proliferation - we all were a little nervous.

Two - the idea of getting rid of him and his murderous cronies and liberating the intellect and spirit and industry of a huge - but oppressed mostly secular, Iraqi middle class -- and maybe changing the paradigm of middle east dystopia - seemed like a noble and prudent enterprise.

Three - how could anyone have guessed that our leaders would have absolutely no insight into the seething sectarian hell we were about to unleash - and that the debathification -- the dismissing of the army - the unsecuring of enough modern weapons to supply every Iraqi wacko for a generation - and a total misjudgement about the number of troops needed to deal with the chaos -and the total incompetence and corruption of the Iraqi leadership -and that the Bushies would assign the most critical reconstruction and oversight duties to people who's qualification was compatible ideology instead of competence .

(which as it turns out is the ultimate lesson of the last eight years - INCOMPETENCE - which is why the number one issue for the next election should be COMPETENCE).

So - it never was solely about WMD ! We didn't know!- We knew we didn't know!

And that was reason enough - considering Saddam's history and the long term potential to eliminate his regime and give Iraqis a real shot at a life -and the potential to remodel the region; to take him out.(unless you think the collateral damage/innocent bystanders moral issue trumps all other considerations -- in which case you should start a revolution or shut the fuck up about it).

It doesn't piss me off that they didn't just say that - after all they are dealing with a public that is basically ignorant and delusional with belligerent rednecks one one side of the aisle and queer liberal cultural relativists on the other. And in the middle -- pretty much politically anethesized.

That's it -- Hope you had a great black Friday and have a great Internet Monday - and shop till you drop!