xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit

Sunday, April 02, 2023

Vagina Seared by Hot Soup - While Dining Nude

                                                 Seared Vagina - While Dining Nude



“While two dozen women took big, synchronized breaths, stretched their arms up and wobbled, one of the sheets covering the street-facing windows occasionally fell. Several of the women scurried over to tape it back up.

This was necessary, after all, since everyone inside, at a dinner earlier this month on the Lower East Side, was naked.

The Füde Dinner Experience is hosted by the artist and model Charlie Ann Max. For $88, and after Ms. Max has approved the applications, guests come together to enjoy, according to the website: “a liberating space that celebrates our most pure selves, through plant-based cooking, art, nudity, & self-love.”

Put another way: It’s a naked vegan dinner party with a bunch of strangers.”

                                  And suddenly! An agonizing blood curdling scream!

 Shelley Epstein, 21, had dutifully disrobed but kept her white socks on because it was “comfy.” She hoped the dinner would help her be more socially confident. “I’m definitely sometimes on the shy side, so something like this is really pushing  

Her partner Muriel Bushwick, 35, said she had just come back from doing cacao, tobacco and temazcal ceremonies in Nicaragua, and wanted to “keep that energy going.”

“I think nudity allows us to connect in a different way,” she said. “To strip away what the patriarchy has put on us. Like, uber-sexuality or hyper-sexuality.”


As a nude waiter  -the formerly Irwin Goldstein - Now transed into Irwina Goldina - approached Ms. Bushwick, he suddenly felt a bout of vertigo at the dazzling array of a room filled with nude women, which he had never experienced as an unattractive fat young man trapped in his heretofore stunted male biome - AND he stumbled while pouring her an ample bowl of carrot and ginger soup.


What made matters worse was that The heat had been cranked up, and women periodically fanned themselves with their menus. Many attendees were menstruating at the event, which everyone agreed was pretty remarkable.

Guided by Chelsea Leyland, 35 — the founder of the menstrual health company Looni, which had collaborated with Ms. Max on the dinner — women were prompted to share a word that summarized their relationship with their periods. There were tales of embarrassing menarches, disasters in white jeans, period sex and struggles with chronic conditions like endometriosis.

“There’s a lot of nervousness I have when I get my period, because I tend to bleed through my clothes a lot,” one woman said.


SO -While some women discussed finger painting with their menstrual blood, and a few others said they’d like to try that. One woman expressed frustration that her cycle was not synced with the moon.


AND


Muriel Bushwicks vagina was engulfed in a red hot stew of ginger blood -  AND as she screamed for help while a mad scramble of mostly menstruating nude women erupted in a chaotic intensity worthy of “The Inferno”  - The  owner of the restaurant - Carla Goldberg - saturated Muriel’s scalded vagina with a a fire extinguisher!


Muriel was taken to  Lennox Hill Hospital for immediate surgery for third degree burns to her vagina and clitoral reconstruction.


Carla Goldberg  sentenced to three years in prison for emergency medical malpractice and a one million dollar fine! (a harsh sentence due to her insensitive statement to the jury)


Defense attorney - Ms. Goldberg -Did you recognize the significance of the trauma when you applied that fire extinguisher to the wound?


Ms Goldberg -”Trauma schmama! - She should have just went home and filled her vibrator with ice and the whole thing wouldv’e healed up after a couple of orgasms!” 



PS -Irwina Goldina the waiter married Shelley Epstein ( Golderg’s ex) and was found hung in their home in Sweden  last year.


Muriel Bushwick married her trans female gynecological surgeon and they live happily in Manhattan.


Saturday, March 25, 2023

ChatGPT - another effective tool for the conservatives to control their sheep!

                                       ChatGPT - Live the Questions



 


 This is all hysterical thinking!


There is a huge difference between a scientist using the vast - heretofore inaccessible data without generative AI  to probe the possibilities of uncovering the folding of a protein which could potentially cure a form of cancer AND the right wing oafs and autocrats who see this technology as a more effective way to deliver political and cultural (and religious) brainwashing and propaganda - Further enhancing their ability to corral their core constituencies in a final desperate effort to halt the  fading influence of their political power over these rural red state ignorant sheep!


These idiots already have unlimited access (fox news distortions --social media algorithms that cater to their cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias and of course their same schmuck neighbors in their tribal enclaves)


AND there  IS a glaring red light flashing “WTF” for anyone with half a brain to distinguish between conservative right wing aggregated  content designed strategically for their already mentally limited targeted audience  AND information derivative from the massive accumulated knowledge of normal thoughtful truth seekers and purveyors -scientists and philosophers and those who rely on facts and research and the common and heuristically savvy folks of all types who mix and share in their daily multi stimulative environments.


(Live the Questions)


For these ever inquisitive average human beings AI is an amazing research resource to expand their consciousness and communication skills  (for the scientists and engineers and doctors et. al. it will provide unlimited access to new tools to improve all our lives)


AND yes! -For the deplorable oafs it WILL BE an enhanced weapon in the tool box of their manipulators BUT  these poor self hating - esteem damaged - miserable schmucks are already dying out from self inflicted wounds.



SO celebrate this new  AI Awokening and remember what Rainer Maria Rilke said -Live the Questions!


“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”



AND fight the schmucks 24/7 -You know who they are!





https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AcHwftEEuV9_-ubKuvyJQJXmetkM_lyau2urnOQxw6o/edit

Wednesday, November 16, 2022

Chinese Geneticists Discover Final Missing Link with Chimpanzees - HERSCHELHOMOTROGLODYTE “

  Chinese Geneticists Discover Final Missing Link with Chimpanzees - HERSCHELHOMOTROGLODYTE “






Using a secretely acquired DNA sample from a Herschel Walker campaign appearance -Chinese geneticists are now certain that Walker’s DNA provides the holy grail of genetic discoveries -The long search for the link between Chimpanzees (Hominids) and Homo Sapiens.


Prior to this latest discovery biologists at Wayne State University School of Medicine in Detroit, Michigan, provided new genetic evidence that lineages of chimps (currently Pan troglodytes) and humans (Homo sapiens) diverged so recently that chimps should be reclassed as Homo troglodytes..


 Fung Yung Chum, Head of The National Chinese Genetic Laboratory announced “AND NOW -We have  absolute proof of the direct (now updated) link between THAT Homo troglodyte and Homo Sapiens  - Discovered on the Y Sex Chromosome of a living species  which we have named  - HERSCHELHOMOTROGLODYTE “


He continued -” Chinese Political  Scientists who routinely observe and study political behavior of foreign political candidates whose behavior is aberrant enough to pose a threat should they acquire political power; were horrified by observing Herschel Walker and passed their data over to us for evaluation as to possible genetic mutations that were also being observed across a large swath of politicians that had evolved in the wake of the rise of Donal Trump.”


Doctor Cum continued -”It quickly became apparent that most of these individuals ,like trump, were just your garden variety sociopaths riddled with multiple personality disorders  -BUT some  -Most evidently like Walker - Looked like clear candidates for DNA analysis that  could potentially lead to a discovery of actual speciation mutation and a subsequent link to Homo troglodytes.”


He went on - ”As a matter of fact we are all amazed that Walker still (reportedly) has enough Homo Sapiens reproduction chromosomes to successfully mate with a normal Homo Sapiens?”


“AND - It appears to be the case it -In all our DNA GENETIC  prognostications -  THAT in- between two and four generations: these   “HERSCHELHOMOTROGLODYTES “ will no longer be able to breed with Homo sapiens!


Doctor Cum stated -  “This has enormous ramifications for societal and cultural upheavals   as societies will be divided basically into Humans and advanced Chimpanzees ”


He concluded - “We are almost certain  - That the recently re-elected representative Marjorie Taylor Green is also of the species “HERSCHELHOMOTROGLODYTES“ 


AND  - That our ongoing genetic studies will show that the TOTAL population of trump supporters- Have a significant percentage of this earliest -ALMOST HUMAN SPECIES!




Sunday, October 30, 2022

Donald Trump Killed and Eaten by Alligator while playing golf at Mar a Largo

 

Trump’s caddy at his Mar a Largo Golf Course detailed how while trump was hiding in the marshy rough where he hit his tee drive shot and was just prowling around waiting to make believe he actually then found his ball and then  place another one on the edge of the fairway,“ He always cheated like that” said Merle Crumpit trump’s regular caddy at The Mar a Lago Course.


He reported  “Suddenly! - I saw like this 20 foot Gator rush out of a nearby water hole -Grab trump and  drag him screaming back under the water -AND then there was a lot of thrashing AND then NOTHING  -Gone!” 


Florida State Police have cordoned off all entry ways to The Golf Course where thousands of people have already showed up bearing signs expressing outrage that Donald Trump Killed and Eaten by Alligatorlibtards from out of state planted the “Killer Gator” to attack trump.


Florida Governor De Santis stated “Comments from conspiracists like Marjorie Taylor Green that “Jews used a remote controlled “Gater Bot” to get our “Real” President”  OR from Herschel Walker that - “ trump’s caddy must be in on this and we need a vestigation!”   -Are not helpful at this time of great public mourning.”


Trump’s fellow foursome players were not shocked to find trump was grabbed while cheating and replacing his bad shot into the rough back on the fairway.  -  “It’s ironic” -Said Myron Goldblatt a Florida real estate tycoon who frequently played and gambled with trump on the course    “ I mean -let’s get real here - Cheating and Lying was in this guys DNA!  - We all knew he was cheating us everytime we played!  -He would cheat anyone out of anything   if no one was watching  -heh heh -EVEN if someone WAS watching -He would just lie!  -That’s just the kind of sociopathic schmuck he was!- The cheating and lying finally caught up with him by another BUT more dangerous Reptile! - Karma is a bitch!”


Latest news reports following the state diving Search and Rescue Team’s operation is that they found trump’s golf club and one of his golf shoes and his orange wig in the pond where he was dragged BUT no sign of the huge Gator.


Large scale riots have broken out across America with conspiracy fueled theories driving a new right wing fury prior to the mid-term elections under the banner of “Gator Death Deniers”.


Meanwhile Democrats and Environmental and Animal Rights organizations across the country are united in pushing Florida Animal Rescue to find and protect the Gator.


President Biden and his wife Jill and Speaker Pelosi joined together at a prayer offering in The Washington Cathedral thanking God for his divine intervention -And prayers for Paul Pelosi’s swift recovery.


 


Friday, June 10, 2022

exas Town Breaks World Record For TV watching

 

Texas Town  Breaks World Record For TV watching

           (Suckler Texas Does It Again!)

Sackler's finest

 

 The small community of Suckler ,Texas -  – Has done it again!

 

Just last year they broke a one hundred year old record for the most alcohol consumed per capita of any village in the world. (previously held by the people of Gavalt – in northern Siberia !)

 

And now – they have shattered the record for the most number of hours spent watching television - formerly held since 1952 by the Eskimo village of Shitumaoutsky (which means “It’s to shitty to go out”) -where the average temperature is 48 below zero. (and where Sarah Palin was born - to a mentally deranged Inuit Eskimo)

 

Moishe Pipick – President of The World Television Association – told us – when we caught up with him filling up at the  Suckler Gas Station:

 

“This is really an achievement for the folks of Suckler and Texas culture writ large - The weather here is georgous, and you would think folks would be outside enjoying it in this beautiful environment? “

 

“I mean – the average adult  in this community watched ninety 76 hours (in an average week) of TV last year – AND you gotta figure that the kids had to be way up over that:”

 

“I mean – these folks ain’t doin much except maybe workin a little and watchin TV and Boozing– And judging by the size of them and the kids iv’e seen around here so far --  They may want to challenge the town of Corputsky in Poland for the Fattest Place on Earth award next year.

 

“I just filled up here at six bucks a gallon at ‘Melvin’s Gas and Gun’


SO maybe they can’t afford to go out anywhere - but jeez –I wonder if the kids even go to school?”“I mean – five of them just came out of the video store –and they musta weighed over half a ton all together - They looked like a small herd of Bison!”

 

I notice they have an expansive recreation area with a ball field and basketball courts – but there ain’t a kid in sight?”




 

He went on; “Come to think of it –maybe with their record breaking alcohol consumption up here - The adults are too stewed to motivate the kids to do anything?”

 

“I saw a bunch of bikers coming out of the local bar and two of them were puking on their boots – Maybe the locals are too terrified to leave their mobile homes?”

 

“ President Pipick concluded; “Well – anyway – I’m goin over to the Award Ceremony at the Suckler Moose Clubhouse – to present the award .”

 

“I wonder if anyone will show Up?”

 

“It’s kinda scary around here!”



 





Saturday, June 04, 2022

Biden Calls trump “a lying cocksucker” Biden’s approval ratings SOAR!

 Biden Calls trump “a lying cocksucker” Biden’s approval ratings SOAR!




“I have to give complete credit to my new Director of Communications - Dr. Moishe Pipick!” for this amazing turn around - NOW we can start to get things accomplished for all American’s -Even the conservative assholes!”


This esteemed former professor of sociology at Harvard and renowned researcher and author - explained things to me this way.”


“Mr President  -  trump and all those schmuck morons who support him?

What THEY want is someone as vulgar and ignorant as he is AND everywhere in the Government AND on the news!


“Trying your best to explain issues and solutions to idiots who cannot determine truth from fictions and conspiracies; fed to them daily by the equally shit for brained conservatives in congress and on fox news and social media conspiracists AND those  Evangelican religious absurdists -WELL - Face it Mr President -They eat it up like shit candy!”


“YOU have to get down in the gutter where those deplorable trogs wallow  in the mud like Moron Hogs!””


President Biden -”Well anyway -I get it now AND l graciously with all my heart and soul - THANK all you fucking low life white supremacists who are now supporting me! - AND alert all those viscious ignorant trumpanzees like Herschel Walker and Josh Hawley ( etc) and  their cunt counterparts out there in their white trash GOP districts like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert (et. al.)”


Your day are numbered!



Tuesday, April 12, 2022

Disney Announces first Trans Female Hero Film - "The QUEEN of The Jungle"

 Following the huge positive worldwide recognition and financial success of Dreamworks breakthrough release - Studsy The Queer Bull',  about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows.

 http://digibandit.blogspot.com/2012/12/dreamworks-announces-studsythe-queer.html

The Walt Disney Company has announced it's release of  "The Queen of The Jungle" about a Male Lion  who through an amazing act of nature - Transitions into a female Lion at puberty AND with the aid of all the other latently queer jungle creatures  - Becomes :


"The Queen of The Jungle"

(worldwide premiere fall 2023)

Miriam Pipick - VP Worldwide Theatrical Production for Disney  -At a press conference in Hollywood said today:



We are   proud to follow in the daring footsteps of Dreamworks and echo the sentiments of Steven Spielberg when  he announced "Studsy" back then -as follows:

“We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment --especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our  children -- our most precious resource -- to shape and sructure their lives; as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art. And - so, coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’
And Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero"

Miriam continued -"Our research shows that twenty to thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment. – "The Queen of The Jungle" will instill pride and  identity in trans females (and all LGBT) -Just as "Studsy the Queer Bull" did for queer children everywhere!



Tuesday, April 05, 2022

Don't Ask! - Don't Tell! - BUT WTF!



  1.                                             Don't Ask! - Don't Tell! - BUT WTF!



The marvelously complex MixMaster that is the human genome can sure turn out some amazingly diverse blends of Homo sapiens sapiens!


Johnny from Brooklyn, NY is a strapping young fellow who by the age of ten knew he was really a woman.


Mary realized, shortly after becoming the Prom Queen at Little Falls High School in Idaho; that what she now knew to be her true “being” was as the captain of  the all male football team.


Professor Ernest Klein with a post doctorate in astro chemistry couldn’t wait till his lectures were ended at Dartmouth so he could put on a gown and high heels and dance the night away at a club downtown dedicated to all things “Prince” and Drag Queens!


Then there are even more complex flavors produced by the “ Magic Genetic Mixmaster”


Take Mark and Connie Anderson from Gooberdale Texas who were swept away with lust and devotion shortly after meeting at The Evangelican Ministry in nearby Putzville - BUT within a year knew something was radically amiss in their sexual lives!  


Turns out both of them were just plain repressed gays from the get go!


In hopes of reviving their early passions they both reversed their genders and went transexual feeling that the reversal of  genders (making Connie more malelike and Mark more feminine; would be the perfect gendering mix to rekindle their passions? 


Didn’t happen! - Post transforming Connie (now Carl) went full blown male homo  gay and Mark (now Candy) went the opposite as a lesbian  -ALTHOUGH he/she also had a strong proclivity for scoliosexuality which created a virtual smorgasborg of desire and satisfaction for his sexual appetites (leaving poor Connie in her now frustrating narrow role as the male in a gay female (lesbian)


"20,00 Death Dive" Coming to Shanghai Disney World - Flight 5735 thrilling simulation

 

  •  "20,00 Death Dive" Coming to  Shanghai Disney World

  •  

  • Disney World Shanghai announces new ride based on plane disaster:

  • " Twenty Thousand feet Death Dive" (Fifty Nine Seconds of Hell!

  •  

  •  The Airlines Flight 5735. Last month, the plane fell more than 20,000 feet in less than a minute before a final plunge (approaching the speed of sound.)

Yun Hung Lo - China’s Minister of Mass Entertainment for The People announced today from Shanghai’s Disney World -Where construction crews were massed at the new ride site:


“We are honoring the deaths of 136 of our brothers and sisters by creating the world’s most exciting amusement park ride!


Rider’s will be able to experience the thrilling last minutes of these heroic party members’  lives - As they plunged past the speed of sound for almost a minute - Straight Down 20,000 feet into the dear earth!”


Ying Chow Mein - Reporter for  China’s  Xinhua News Agency asked The Minister:


 “Dearest Minister -Many are complaining it is wrong to exploit this horrible disaster!”


Minister Ho replied - “That is a very typical western imperialist - AND reactionary attitude and will not be tolerated!”


The reporter was quickly spirited away by security!


Meanwhile in The USA - Gordon Silverspoon, Director of World Wide Disney Distribution was assailed by reporters who were apoplectic at China’s announcement!


Gayle Simpkins from CNN asked “How can you tolerate the Shanghai Chinese Disneyworld to exploit a horrible disaster like this -Think of the trauma for the families of those victims?”

Silverspoon - “Well we have a commitment to our shareholders to maximize profits and China is our biggest market AND look - Think of the thrills and joy this amusement event will bring to hundred’s of thousands of Chinese who work 18 hours a day 7 days a week on their 3 days off every month (along with their children) - AND who provide Americans’ with cheap products they love”


A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

Chinese Proverb


(Capitalism’s Song)  lol


Thursday, March 03, 2022

Altar Boy Slashes Priest 's Scrotum With Razor -Nuns Arm Altar Boys

  Altar Boy Slashes Priest 's Scrotum With Razor 





Seven year old Enzo Frattazinni  gave testimony about the events leading up to his slashing the scrotum of Monsignor Carlos Putzazinni today in the Vatican -With a double edged razor!


Enzo -”The Monsignor is a well known abuser of children! -Several of my very own friends have been coerced into giving him blow jobs and forced anal sex  “For The pleasure of Christ” - As he put it.”


Attorney - “Did you or your friends report his menacing and perverse actions.”


Enzo -”Your kidding right?  -Of course! As have the tens of thousands of other helpless victims who have been ignored and treated as traitors to The Church by the Vatican - Right up to the Pope! -You think i’m a stupido?  -My father was going to kill the Monsignor -He was a sniper in the Italian Special Forces  -And i did not want him to go to jail.


Enzo continues - AND finally we victims of forced anal sex and blow job aggression have a weapon!  -A Secret Society of Nuns who are training young boys    -Mostly Altar Boys - In how to slash the scrotums - The nuts and Balls of their attackers!” and supplying them with the razors we can hide in our clothing or hair”


Attorney -What ‘Secret Society of Nuns’?


Enzo - Your kidding right?  LMFAO  -Next question?  OH -And whya do these sick so called messengers from Goda who give an oath of  celibacy need their balls for anyway -  Maybe they will geta their balls back in Hell?



Attorney -”Well so far you are the first attacker and only Attacker?  -Maybe you are making this all up?


Enzo -Stay tuned Mr. Attorney


Monday, February 28, 2022

Casting Call for New Fox Reality Show - Become a Star -(Anal Sex Required)

                        Casting Call for New Fox Reality Show - Become a Star 




 ITZ Media Group is now casting for two reality shows on behalf of two major cable networks: the first show is seeking Spanish "Kardashian" type families featuring three or more sisters who are fun, confident and sexy and love to give blow jobs! 


And it would be great if your parents or step parents live near you to participate. Florida is the ideal location but not necessary.  Please send photos, bios and brief descriptions of your lives with your sisters, your occupations and if you own a porno company or are starting a porno  business and how many men you are willing to have anal sex with in two hours..  


Similar to Mob Wives, the second show is seeking women who are in some way related to Cartels  - This could be wives, girlfriends, mistress', daughters, moms, cousins, etc. The show is seeking strong and opinionated women who have been convicted of assault and battery and charged with murder. 


Please send nude photos and a bio including how you are related to or are friends with members of a cartel.  Applicants for both shows can send emails to: digibandit@foxtv.com


Sunday, February 27, 2022

California approves Uteroil Made from Aborted Fetus'

                           California approves Uteroil Made from Aborted Fetus'


 

The International Energy Association announced today that working with a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT -- they have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.


"Our dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead scientist on "Project Uteroil."

He explained,"For ten years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."


"We now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid -and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.


He went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world, and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide energy market!"

 

When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy, he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."