So - An esteemed group of our Founding Fathers - have been up there in the great Eternal Cosmic Consciousness watching Sarah Palin's political exploits and now they are having their monthly dinner get together -and tonight's subject of conversation is Ms. Palin:
John Adams "This woman is a complete fucking moron! -am i right Ben?"
Benjamin Franklin "Fucking scariest shit imaginable -you know how much i love Democracy but this is what happens when you let ALL the ignorant assholes participate"
George Washington " I hate to mix in politics guys -as you know -but this woman hasn't got a fucking clue - she doesn't say anything but generalities -she's like a Populist Parrot - and ALL those great women leaders out there to compare her to -can't those rednecks see through her ignorant rantings and raving?"
Alexander Hamilton "Wow -that's a mouth full from you George - But hey guys -they let EVERYONE participate in the system now -and we know full well that roughly thirty percent of the population are fucking idiots -they just follow whoever makes them feel good about their preconceived notions -a babble rabble of monumental moronic proportions."
James Monroe "I'm with you guys on this one - she's done nothing - she gets her guidance from a Stone Age scripture - never says anything of any depth or perception -never demonstrates knowledge of the complicated issues of the day -has no depth or intellectual fiber or curiosity -she truly IS a fucking jerk!"
John Hancock "It's scary all right -but the timing is perfect for a schmuck like her with the unemployment and the deficit and that fucking Tea Party rabble -and a black president -and a Republican Party on life support culturally.
Thomas Jefferson " Look -it's simple -If John McCain didn't lend his gravitas to her she'd be home in Wasilla fucking Eskimos and shooting wolves -and the rednecks would never have discovered her -AND - You know McCain must have been screwing her - and she can probably suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!"
John Adams "Well Thomas we don't agree on much but i think you nailed it right on the head -we all knew when women got the vote that pussy would enter politics -and some jerks like Palin would create a stir -but so far most of the female leaders have been dogs who had to make it with their brains and knowledge and creative energy."
Thomas Jefferson 'So right John -but i have to say that Nancy Pelosi has brains and all that positive stuff - but boy would i like to play with her bodacious ta ta's"
George Washington "Jefferson -we all know you would fuck a snake!"
Jefferson "Ha ha ha George -BUT -i wouldn't fuck Sarah Palin even with those legs -She's gotta be a smart snake!"
Those Founding Fathers sure were amazing!
Liza Humbling A Male Pit Bull
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Human's Have A Genetic "Asshole Early Warning System"
Mitt Romney reminded me of how genetically sensitive most of us are in detecting "An Asshole".
Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)
If Darwin DIDN'T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!
Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!
It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.
Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)
What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)
Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"
These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!
Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)
I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:
And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"
It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)
More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.
Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)
If Darwin DIDN'T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!
Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!
It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.
Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)
What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)
Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"
These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!
Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)
I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:
And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"
It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)
More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Apple To Add Fart Detector To New IPod
It's an amazing technological breakthrough,said Meyer Goldblatt, head of tech development worldwide for Apple. He explained; "We hired Dr. Moishe Pinsky away from the Defense Department last year. He had been working on the potential for cell phones to be used in chemical and biological attack warning systems and he took charge of the IPod Fart Detection Project; which we have been working on for five years --and he achieved the breakthrough we have been searching for!
"Working closely with Hymie Markowitz, our chief engineer in charge of global guidance systems,"Mr. Goldblatt said:"We, at Apple now have the ability to pinpoint with total accuracy the source of a silent but stinky fart!"
"Not only will the Ipod Fart Alert System instantly notify it's holder upon release of the fart wind; it will show the distance from the farter --the time it will take to reach them -- the level of smell and intensity-- and,of course, the farter's exact location. --as it say's in our ad campaign -- "You Blow -- You Show!"
"Musical Fart Ring alerts will be accessible from the complete ITunes music library and a whole new category of fart friendly tones will be available.Think of an Elephant blowing one at the local watering hole or a big juicy wet tone that sounds like someone definitely needs a change of underwear," said Rebecca Hornowitz, head of new market development for Mac worldwide. "We expect first year fart tones volume to exceed three- hundred million dollars!"
Dr.Milo Baumgarten, research head at Mac said; "So someone who thinks they can let one go and stink up the place will think twice about it starting next January. IPod Fart Detectors will be going off all over the place and the source of the emission will be pinpointed on the detector --accurate to within three inches." He concluded, "our research has consistently told us that fart detection is a major concern on the part of America's youth --it rates higher than politics and religion."
And the party and reception - held to announce this technological achievement to Wall Street --concluded with a song from Norah Jones:
Chorus
"Beans --beans --the musical fruit --the more you eat --the more you toot!"
Mac stock was up fifteen percent on the news -- there's gold in gas!
"Working closely with Hymie Markowitz, our chief engineer in charge of global guidance systems,"Mr. Goldblatt said:"We, at Apple now have the ability to pinpoint with total accuracy the source of a silent but stinky fart!"
"Not only will the Ipod Fart Alert System instantly notify it's holder upon release of the fart wind; it will show the distance from the farter --the time it will take to reach them -- the level of smell and intensity-- and,of course, the farter's exact location. --as it say's in our ad campaign -- "You Blow -- You Show!"
"Musical Fart Ring alerts will be accessible from the complete ITunes music library and a whole new category of fart friendly tones will be available.Think of an Elephant blowing one at the local watering hole or a big juicy wet tone that sounds like someone definitely needs a change of underwear," said Rebecca Hornowitz, head of new market development for Mac worldwide. "We expect first year fart tones volume to exceed three- hundred million dollars!"
Dr.Milo Baumgarten, research head at Mac said; "So someone who thinks they can let one go and stink up the place will think twice about it starting next January. IPod Fart Detectors will be going off all over the place and the source of the emission will be pinpointed on the detector --accurate to within three inches." He concluded, "our research has consistently told us that fart detection is a major concern on the part of America's youth --it rates higher than politics and religion."
And the party and reception - held to announce this technological achievement to Wall Street --concluded with a song from Norah Jones:
Chorus
"Beans --beans --the musical fruit --the more you eat --the more you toot!"
Mac stock was up fifteen percent on the news -- there's gold in gas!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Michelle's Migraines From lack of Sex says her Husband
Marcus Bachman was overheard telling a friend today "Michelle just needs to get laid and her migraines would disappear!"
His friend then asked him: "Doesn't Michelle like to have sex with you?" and he responded:
"We haven't ha sex for over two years now -and let me tell you the last thing the world needs is horny female Commander in Chief of the most powerful military on Earth walking around with a suitcase loaded with Nuke attack codes"
He went on; "She is so horny that she is about to implode!"
His friend asked; "Well why don't you two have sex/"
He answered; "She thinks it's dirty!"
The end of the world caused by a horny bitch?That's irony worth of The Bard
His friend then asked him: "Doesn't Michelle like to have sex with you?" and he responded:
"We haven't ha sex for over two years now -and let me tell you the last thing the world needs is horny female Commander in Chief of the most powerful military on Earth walking around with a suitcase loaded with Nuke attack codes"
He went on; "She is so horny that she is about to implode!"
His friend asked; "Well why don't you two have sex/"
He answered; "She thinks it's dirty!"
The end of the world caused by a horny bitch?That's irony worth of The Bard
Sunday, July 10, 2011
White Heterosexual Marriage is a Total Failure
While Rep. Michele Bachmann had been the first GOP hopeful to sign “The Marriage Vow,” which included in the introduction a section that lamented that “the Institution of Marriage in America is in great crisis.”
Eluding of course to the Godforsaken evolution of Gay Marriage she forgets that 50% of hetero whiteys get divorces - another 30% are fucking miserable - 80% of men who have a 40inch waist or under cheat on their partners and 100% of successfully married males have multiple affairs with younger and hotter women than their wives.
SO Michelle -as usual -you are talking out of your twat!
Eluding of course to the Godforsaken evolution of Gay Marriage she forgets that 50% of hetero whiteys get divorces - another 30% are fucking miserable - 80% of men who have a 40inch waist or under cheat on their partners and 100% of successfully married males have multiple affairs with younger and hotter women than their wives.
SO Michelle -as usual -you are talking out of your twat!
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Soon Gringos Will Be Migrating To Mexico
The President of mexico said today:
"Educational and employment opportunities have greatly expanded in Mexico. Per capita gross domestic product and family income have each jumped more than 45 percent since 2000, according to one prominent economist, Roberto Newell. Despite all the depictions of Mexico as “nearly a failed state,” he argued, “the conventional wisdom is wrong.”
He continued;'with the rising power of the morons and religious fanaticks in The Unidos Estadas -and with the huge screwing the rich robbers are giving to the middle class and the poor -and the spoiled and lazy American youth -The future is bleak for The Gringos!"
He concluded;'but we owe The Unidos Estados much -so you can come down here and start a new life where the rednecks do not run the show"
"Educational and employment opportunities have greatly expanded in Mexico. Per capita gross domestic product and family income have each jumped more than 45 percent since 2000, according to one prominent economist, Roberto Newell. Despite all the depictions of Mexico as “nearly a failed state,” he argued, “the conventional wisdom is wrong.”
He continued;'with the rising power of the morons and religious fanaticks in The Unidos Estadas -and with the huge screwing the rich robbers are giving to the middle class and the poor -and the spoiled and lazy American youth -The future is bleak for The Gringos!"
He concluded;'but we owe The Unidos Estados much -so you can come down here and start a new life where the rednecks do not run the show"
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Human's Have A Genetic "Asshole Early Warning System"
Mitt Romney reminded me of how genetically sensitive most of us are in detecting "An Asshole".
Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce (fuck) with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)
If Darwin DIDN"T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!
Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!
It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.
Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)
What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)
Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"
These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!
Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)
I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:
And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"
It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)
More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.
Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce (fuck) with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)
If Darwin DIDN"T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!
Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!
It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.
Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)
What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)
Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"
These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!
Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)
I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:
And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"
It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)
More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Celebrities Who Plan On Having Anal Sex July Fourth Weekend
Well the year sure went quickly didn't it and our group is back in action for their Fourth of July Blast off!.
In addition to the following lineup(oops) of celebrities engaging in some tuchas fireworks - there will be: - The Pope - Andrew Dice Clay - Barbara Bush - Ayatolah Komeini - Rush Limbaugh (with his sheep Oxy Cotton) - Clarence Thomas (with Antonin Scalia) - The Dalai Lama and Harvey Weinstein and Warren Buffet:
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PM
In addition to the following lineup(oops) of celebrities engaging in some tuchas fireworks - there will be: - The Pope - Andrew Dice Clay - Barbara Bush - Ayatolah Komeini - Rush Limbaugh (with his sheep Oxy Cotton) - Clarence Thomas (with Antonin Scalia) - The Dalai Lama and Harvey Weinstein and Warren Buffet:
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PM
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Japanese Recruit Sumo's from Obese US Tenagers
Sugi Matsuguggi head of The japanese Sumo Wrestling Federation announced today in Tokyo::
"We are on a push to invigorate Sumo Wrestling and unfortunately we do not have enough raw material in Japan for our expansion and modernization strategy - we need a big supply of obese young men (and women) to work with and turn into exciting Sumo stars for the next generation."
He continued: "America has the highest number of morbidly obese young men and women on Earth and we are going to tap into that deep well of blubbery talent"
digibandit Hollywood reporter elise mandelbaum asked him: 'isn't it dangerous to put obese young men and women into an intense physical training regimen."
"Very dangerous!" answered Suggi "Many will drop dead BUT what kind of life do these young men and women have to look forward to now?"
He concluded: "Better to die quickly and have a chance at money power fame and hot pussy -than to die in despair with a Big Mac in your lap."
"We are on a push to invigorate Sumo Wrestling and unfortunately we do not have enough raw material in Japan for our expansion and modernization strategy - we need a big supply of obese young men (and women) to work with and turn into exciting Sumo stars for the next generation."
He continued: "America has the highest number of morbidly obese young men and women on Earth and we are going to tap into that deep well of blubbery talent"
digibandit Hollywood reporter elise mandelbaum asked him: 'isn't it dangerous to put obese young men and women into an intense physical training regimen."
"Very dangerous!" answered Suggi "Many will drop dead BUT what kind of life do these young men and women have to look forward to now?"
He concluded: "Better to die quickly and have a chance at money power fame and hot pussy -than to die in despair with a Big Mac in your lap."
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Fox Announces -The Search for Osama's Skeleton
"We are gonna scour the Ocean with the same team of expert underwater Treasure Hunters that discovered the Titanic and bring up Osama's Skeleton and sell it in what will be the world's greatest auction event -- AND the revenue will go to the 911 victim's families" --said Myron Schlockmeister Prexy of Fox TV in a startling press conference in hollywood today.
"Wow!" -exclaimed Moishe Pipick,LA Burea Chief for The New York Times. He went on "This will certainly be the biggest event in TV history and maybe in the history of the world - because IF you find his Skeleton you know the fanatical Muslims will go ape shit world wide"
Schlockmeister replied," Heh Heh -fuck em all! -Oh and we WILL find that fucker's carcass - because we have inside info from the Aircraft Carrier's logs about where they dumped him -and our crew is the best in the world at finding shit in the deepest parts of the World's oceans"
Digibandit Entertainment Reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked:"Isn't it against the Shariah Code of Muslim Justice to bother a dead Muslim's body?"
"Sharia LAW? -That's a fucking oxymoron if ever i heard one! -- Hey Elise in Iran they would stone you to death just for showing off those big tits of yours."
"Fuck you Schlockmeister!"
"Wow!" -exclaimed Moishe Pipick,LA Burea Chief for The New York Times. He went on "This will certainly be the biggest event in TV history and maybe in the history of the world - because IF you find his Skeleton you know the fanatical Muslims will go ape shit world wide"
Schlockmeister replied," Heh Heh -fuck em all! -Oh and we WILL find that fucker's carcass - because we have inside info from the Aircraft Carrier's logs about where they dumped him -and our crew is the best in the world at finding shit in the deepest parts of the World's oceans"
Digibandit Entertainment Reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked:"Isn't it against the Shariah Code of Muslim Justice to bother a dead Muslim's body?"
"Sharia LAW? -That's a fucking oxymoron if ever i heard one! -- Hey Elise in Iran they would stone you to death just for showing off those big tits of yours."
"Fuck you Schlockmeister!"
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