xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: Nov 16, 2007

Friday, November 16, 2007

Candidates Should be Waterboarded As Test Of Courage

Look -in these dangerous times the most important character trait we should be looking for in our next president is cajones (balls to you gringos) - nuts -grapes or however you call em - but definitely someone who has got guts -because they will need a kickass amount of courage to deal with what's a comin -- it's gonna be right out of a Cormac McCarthy novel i'm afeared.

So --lets kill two birds with one stone! We'll have the presidential candidates undergo waterboarding to see how much they can take it relative to one another - and we also get a first hand look at how effective this procedure actually is. (fox has agreed to televise it and based on initial sponsor interest will probably make it into an ongoing reality series "The One Million Dollar Waterboarding Contest"

Personally i think it will be close between Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Hillary Clinton has got female balls and they are generally bigger than men's -- and John Mccain might just think it's like gargling with mouthwash after what he got in the Hanoi Hilton.

On the weak side it's probably John Edwards. I figure he shits his pants when they sit him in the chair.

Now - i think Rudy Giuliani is a stone pussy - but after three marriages (and that arch cunt Judith) he can probably endure a whole lot of pain. And Mitt Romney i figure is two or three seconds behind Edwards in screaming for his momma and then pissing in his pants and then offering a million bucks and his kids to be set free.(after calling his attorneys)

Obama, i believe, would try hard but would fold quickly especially after seeing Bill Richardson puke on the CIA torturer with his first gag of the water and beg to be killed.

Thompson, i believe, can take it pretty good - but I'm afraid he would definitely suffer a stroke during the torture - and wack job Dennis Kucinitch would probably refuse to participate and call the ACLU to intervene.

Now Mike (hallelujah)Huckabee is an interesting case - being a Baptist preacher, his love of being immersed in water might actually be a spiritual experience for him --i recommend instead that he be locked in a room with Christopher Hitchens for three hours and see if he can stand THAT torture.


Chris (the waffler) Dodd might be the big surprise of the event! -- I have a feeling he is used to having large objects thrust into his throat - he might use the torture as an occasion to come out of the closet? ( a breakthrough in honesty for him)

Biden and Brownback get a pass -they're in it for their resumes.(and Biden could never shut up long enough to participate anyway.

pretty clever idea --huh?

Monica Lewinsky's Blow Job Just Might Save The World

There is a very strong probability that Hillary Clinton will begin an eight year "rule" of America!

I say "rule" only because i recently saw the movie "Elizabeth The Golden Age" and two factors led me to a startling epiphany :

One - the timing of Queen Elizabeth's role on the world stage as the leader of an immensely powerful and progressive Empire being challenged existentially by an 'Evil Empire" driven by religious fanaticism . ( The Ayatollah Khomeini in the form of King Phillip of Spain.) - and the obvious comparison to What will confront "Queen" Hillary.

Two -- Elizabeth's dependence on her loyal and and trusted advisor -Sir Francis Walsingham (who's efforts unveil the Spanish plans to invade England with their Armada). And -- as i watched the amazing performance of Geoffrey Rush as Walsinham unfold -- i could not help but think of Bill Clinton back in the White House assuming those very same duties to save America and Queen Hillary from the evil Arabs.

The epiphany -- Hillary would not have become politically viable if the American people had not witnessed her great poise and strength during the Monica Lewinsky embarrassment. She relied on her faith in the Lord and the Christian belief in salvation and redemption (i am puking now) - to forgive Bill for his transgression -and to come through spiritually invigorated --born again. (i just threw up my socks)

And so -- the next "Ruler" Queen Hillary --with her wise advisor Sir Bill -- of the most powerful country in the world -- during a time of unprecedented challenges -- would not be poised to save the wold -- if Monica Lewinsky had not given Bill Clinton a blow job.

And what really blows (oops) my mind is that none of this would be happening -- If she swallowed properly, ( hence eliminating the telltale stain/evidence)

Now, why i made the leap from the movie to the Monica epiphany is something i will definitely have to discuss with my Rabbi. - It might have been because in the movie it's pretty clear that Elizabethh is dying to go down on Sir Walter Raleigh (who also reminded me of Bill) who winds up shtupping the Queens best friend.

Ain't life strange?