xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 2007

Friday, December 28, 2007

Play New "Wack Off Or Scratch Off" Lottery Game - Win Sex

Starting in march – in Texas –which has the highest number of scratch off lottery players in the country (mostly poor and uneducated minorities) – those players will be able to win blow jobs and various (and all) varieties of sex acts.

Buck Beefy - the head of the Texas Lottery Association, said in a press conference today; “ The tasty sex offerings will be cross genderized and offer mult-racial and ethnic and even sex with disabled hookers in wheel chairs.” (no illegals allowed of course – heh heh)

A fifty dollar winning ticket will get you a pretty fair piece of ass (a hunnert dollar prize will be a REAL tasty deal) - and for just ten dollars you can get a hand job or a good lickin from, say, old widow Munson down behind the truck stop on I95 – heh – heh”

“Oh –almost forgot – there will be grand prize winners - like a five-hundred dollar hit will get some lucky man or woman or combo (heh heh) a weekend in Dallas with Britney Spears and/or Rush Limbaugh –you might say they’ll be a livin in high Oxycotin – heh heh,”

“You can even pick from a group of those young whores that are all over MySpace (Fox just loves the cross promotion and that some off the lottery proceeds go to the State education fund) –That Rupert Murdoch is a real swell feller.and if this ‘Sex Scratch Off” thang get’s a goin good, he said they will make it into a reality show”

"Scratch Off or Wack Off?" -“ Now that’s A surefire reality show hit for Fox TV -Texas should bring in a pile of dough for their schools - and those young sluts on MySpace will make a lot of new friends.

What a country!

United States To Outsource Prison Population

Well it looks like - if you break the law in the good ole USA -You will do your time in some Foreign country. Maybe India or China if your lucky - but it could just as easily be the Congo or Somalia - or whoever makes the lowest bid to keep you in captivity.

And with a new report showing that one out of one-hundred people in the good ole USA are doin some kind of jail time - this plan comes just intime to help our hurtin economy.



"Jules Hymovitz,head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- well - why not our huge and growing prison population?"



He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot for ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for under five thousand (and if the liberals don't squawk we could probably get some countries to pay us for these folks )"



"Wer'e talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer - and i'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."

He concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."

Outsourcing is a beautiful thing!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

A Vacuum - Lots of Time - The Big Bang - Evolution - Genetics - Synthetic Life - Goodbye God

The following is an actual scientific report - as reported on MSNBC - check it out.

That first cell of synthetic life — made from the basic chemicals in DNA — may not seem like much to non-scientists. For one thing, you’ll have to look in a microscope to see it.

“Creating protocells has the potential to shed new life on our place in the universe,” Bedau said. “This will remove one of the few fundamental mysteries about creation in the universe and our role.”

And several scientists believe man-made life forms will one day offer the potential for solving a variety of problems, from fighting diseases to locking up greenhouse gases to eating toxic waste.

Bedau figures there are three major hurdles to creating synthetic life:
A container, or membrane, for the cell to keep bad molecules out, allow good ones, and the ability to multiply.
A genetic system that controls the functions of the cell, enabling it to reproduce and mutate in response to environmental changes.
A metabolism that extracts raw materials from the environment as food and then changes it into energy.

One of the leaders in the field, Jack Szostak at Harvard Medical School, predicts that within the next six months, scientists will report evidence that the first step — creating a cell membrane — is “not a big problem.” Scientists are using fatty acids in that effort.


Szostak is also optimistic about the next step — getting nucleotides, the building blocks of DNA, to form a working genetic system.
His idea is that once the container is made, if scientists add nucleotides in the right proportions, then Darwinian evolution could simply take over.

“We aren’t smart enough to design things, we just let evolution do the hard work and then we figure out what happened,” Szostak said.
In Gainesville, Fla.,

Steve Benner, a biological chemist at the Foundation for Applied Molecular Evolution is attacking that problem by going outside of natural genetics. Normal DNA consists of four bases — adenine, cytosine, guanine and thymine (known as A,C,G,T) — molecules that spell out the genetic code in pairs. Benner is trying to add eight new bases to the genetic alphabet.

Bedau said there are legitimate worries about creating life that could “run amok,” but there are ways of addressing it, and it will be a very long time before that is a problem.

“When these things are created, they’re going to be so weak, it’ll be a huge achievement if you can keep them alive for an hour in the lab,” he said. “But them getting out and taking over, never in our imagination could this happen.”

I can't wait! - Freedom from the mumbo jumbo crowd is on it's way. -- At last!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Soon God Will Be Dead - Thank God

So i asked my son this georgous LA Christmas mornin; "Now your mother is a religious catholic and you were christened -do you believe all that Jesus/Revelation/ Divine Deity/Heaven-Hell/ Literal Scripture Miracle/Blind-faith Stuff?"

Thank God - he replied. "Are you fucking crazy Dad?"

So i said; "No profanity in the Digibandit household -and if you don't believe in God where do you get your sense of right and wrong from - i mean why are you such a kindhearted and loving and charitable person?"(the wackos say secularists have no moral foundation)

He said;"Because i'm a fucking normal human being - and for most of these fucking religious asshole repressed hypocrites - Church is just half time in the worldwide video game called " Slaughter The Innocents Because They Are Different" - And, anyway, all the cool people would be cool even if they weren't completely brainwashed into believing that crapola when they were little."

I said; "Stop cursing - here's a check for ten thousand dollars - buy some drugs and take your girlfriend to Las Vegas for New Years - on me. -You have allowed me to die in peace. - I'm so proud of you!"

"Keep your money poppy - give it to some poor folks -and i'll try to stop cursing, but it's hard being around you. -and anyway wer'e working at the Santa Monica food bank on New Years."

God can't last much longer - these kids today are too moral -- Thank God!

Merry Xmas

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Merry Xmas From China - Lead For Tots - And Brain Damage

It's simple - the current levels of lead in Chinese made toys are destructive to the long term cognitive development of your children.

Unanimous recommendations by doctors and scientists are to decrease the amount of lead deemed currently acceptable by over ten fold. (and the Chinks currently violate even the unacceptable existing standards for lead content)

"Oh -I justcan't seem to find any toys my little Amy wants that aren't from China?"

Listen you fucking moron -- little Amy will be drooling all over herself in the stock room of a Chinese corporation when she's twenty one -earning seven dollars an hour - and will give birth to your grandchild who will be ironically Chinese / Mongolian - with a ten pound head.

For Christ's sake go buy your kids some books - or crafts or anything that's made in America without lead paint.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Huckabee Should Start Healing Iowans - Says The Lord

With the Christian extremists in Iowa pleading for some sign of revelation from Minister Huckleberry - he has announced:

"I have been trying not to show off my healing powers during the campaign - but last night The Lord said that he and Jesus agreed that in the interests of getting me elected as President, - I now had a green light to heal some lame Iowans."

"I told the Lord that most of the Iowans were lame - he said to choose a half dozen of the lamest"

"I hope no one will think I'm showing off, but since God and Jesus say it's the right thing to do - i just have to go along with their plan and hope for the best."

"I asked the Lord if it was okay for me to heal my very fucked up son - but he said not to waste my time and that i had fucked him up so bad he couldn't be saved"

"I get the feelin that God is a dog lover."

PS --And for those of you who have been too busy shopping for more shit you don't need -- Google it up and read all about David Hucklebee. Ole Huckleberry raised a real winner here.(a dog torturer and was recently caught with a handgun going through airport security)

Monday, December 17, 2007

Please dear Lord - Send Us A Sign - Destroy Iowa

Boy would i like to be a fly on the wall up in heaven watching the Lord's reaction to the horseshit flowing out of the mouths of America's newest Pilgrims - Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee - as they bob and weave their way through the ignorant religious puke talk that serves as original thinking and constructive dialogue in this goober state - full of fundamentalist morons.

My God - it's like listening to a conversation between a bunch of fucking ignorant hillbillies. Yokels whose search for insight and clarity ended with their childhood indoctrination into a mindset of superstition and magic and miracles. They joined the circus as children and are still traveling with the two headed fat lady and the fire breathing dwarf on their way to Paradise with absolute certainty - in absolute ignorance.

Jesus Christ is probably saying to his daddy -- "Poppy - you let me be fucking crucified so these assholes could manipulate your message of love and salvation and charity into political soundbites ?"

"It's okay my sonny boy - Mitt's goin to hell in any case -and that fucking phony moron Huckleberry? -- I'm gonna have him spend eternity in the shower with Sodom"

Send us a sign Lord - Please - send a plague over Iowa!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Illegal Gang Guns For Gift Certificates - God Bless America

Yep - out in Compton California the gang bangers were getting really out of control so the local government in association with the local fuzz came up with a solution that will go down with the signing of the Magna Carta as a total breakthrough in the march of Civilization!

"Bring in your illegal gun and get a fifty dollar gift certificate to Home Depot" -- no questions asked, and if you think this is another of my deranged digital delusions, just google it up.

Guns are coming in like crazy - but these gang bangers are not stupid, so their turning in their shitty old "pieces" and keeping the Glocks and Kalishnakovs oiled and ready.

"You ain't getting my Glock motherfuckah -for no redneck gift certificate. And the only reason i turned in my grandaddy's flintlock is because i traded the gift certificate for five vials of crack;" said Lubama Meosha a local gang banger.

"Well - what would it take to get you to turn in your Glock?" i asked.

"Hmmm - i would say a big bag of heroine - a case of Colt 44 malt liquor and a blowjob (wit a woman)"

Well what the hell are we waiting for? - A solution to violent crime in America -- at last!"

Friday, December 14, 2007

Rush Limbaugh Endorses Barak Obama - Says Jesus Made Him Do It!

"Nobody really cares about Oprah Winfrey endorsing a black candidate - Obama owns that vote out of the box and anyone with half a brain can see she has the hots for him - I'm sure she had an orgasm during the endorsement ceremony. (maybe two);" said Rush Limbaugh in his extraordinary statement of support for Obama.

Bandit political reporter Elise Muffkowitz asked Limbaugh for an explanation and he replied;"He just cracks me up - i mean the guy kills me - he has a great sense of humor and i love his wife and the fact that he has such an interesting background and that he was honest about being a druggy in college - and that he has no experience or creds that would prepare him for the job as we know it."

"But Mr. limbaugh",asked Elise, - " You hate democrats and also, basically, black people - dontcha?"

Rush replied. "C'mon Muffky, you don't really believe he's black do ya? -- and besides, i had an epiphany last week!"

He continued, "I was saying my nightly prayers and suddenly Jesus Christ appeared in front of me! At first i thought it was the Oxycotin or maybe Bill O'Reilly playing one of his practical jokes (like the time he brought a sheep into my kitchen and was fucking it when i came home) - but it WAS Jesus and he said...."

"Rush - you have done some important work for Pops and me, but this is your most important assignment -- we cannot allow that viscious cunt Hillary to be elected President - the only way to stop her is for you to bring all the rednecks over to Oblama - we know it's gonna hurt - but that's the way Pops want's it."

"Of Course my Lord! - Oh, and i think his name is Obama not Oblama" i replied to Jesus -and he said the following and disappeared in a cloud of dust - like the Lone Ranger"

"Don't nitpick with me Rush - Oblama -Oblamama - Obadama - none of them African names are in the Bible so who gives a shit?"

"Anyway -I'm for Obama and you all better be too!"

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

America Cannot Have A president Named "MITT"!

I got to thinkin about the name --Mitt! - And why in the hell would anyone name their child Mitt? - In most neighborhoods if you are named Mitt you learn to become a polished street fighter very quickly ie. "Hey Mitt! - Somethin stinks! --Did you shit? --Mitt!" and then it's boom bam boom unless you grew up in "Mitt's" swanky neighborhood where most of the kids have verbs and nouns for first names - like 'Mitt's" son Tag whose best friend is probably named Lane.

"Now Mitt you make sure you put away the croquet equipment after you and Laney are finished" says Momma Romney - "And don't get your Gucci's all muddy because we have to get over to the club for dinner with Poppa Mitt."

I couldn't resist logging onto what'sinaname.com to get the full origin of "Mitt's" mittiness - and here it is for your enjoyment - oh you better have a puke bowl handy because it's not very pretty!

"Then there's the former governor of Massachusetts and current Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney. The humorist Roy Blount Jr. says every time he hears "Mitt Romney" he thinks it's a German konditorei order, like "mit schlag." Me, I can't help thinking "Mitt" is an abbreviation for "Mittens." Like Ralph Wiggum's cat. Mr. Romney's given name is Willard Milton--again, not a name likely to win points on playgrounds. (For the record, the double name honors a relative, Milton Romney, and the hotel magnate and fellow Mormon J. Willard Marriott, Mitt's father's best friend.) So why not "Will"? Or even "Milt"? Why the inevitable association with fingerless hand coverings? And why, oh why, are the sins of the grandfather visited on the grandson? Why did Mitt name one of his five sons Tagg? Because he's It?"

Now - having read this - if you can still consider voting for this fagot - i would suggest shaving your ass and walking backwards -- hand in hand with your wife and kids - Biffy Buffy and Muffy = off a fucking cliff onto some rocks into the ocean near your seaside vacation home.

Clarence "Porno" Thomas Does It Again

So guess who was one of the two Supremo Court Justices to vote against allowing judges to use their discretion, regarding the federal minimum sentencing guidelines when ruling on crack cocaine sentences (which have been set as one-hundred times the penalties for powdered cocaine).

This draconian law has resulted in thousands of young black, non violent first offenders being locked up for long prison terms for the same crimes that allow mostly white "suburban sniffers" to get off with probation.

Clarence Thomas' rulings have done more damage to the social progress of black Americans than any "Jim Crow" redneck - it's a fucking shame that this bum squeaked through the nominating process by one lousy vote and wound up in a lifetime position to act out his pathology against his own people. (His warped social and emotional development have been extensively documented on this blog)

I hope every member of the Senate judiciary committee who voted for his nomination dies and comes back as a crack addict - in the meantime it's time to start a movement for continuing mass protests against Thomas - we can't fire him but we can sure sit outside his home and office with our signs "Hey Clarence - What porno Tape You Watchin Tonight?"

And i know professor Anita Hill will be marching right along with us.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Everything You Need To Know About Muslim Justice


By AYAAN HIRSI ALI
Published: December 7, 2007
The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication, flog each of them with 100 stripes: Let no compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. (Koran 24:2)

IN the last few weeks, in three widely publicized episodes, we have seen Islamic justice enacted in ways that should make Muslim moderates rise up in horror.


A 20-year-old woman from Qatif, Saudi Arabia, reported that she had been abducted by several men and repeatedly raped. But judges found the victim herself to be guilty. Her crime is called “mingling”: when she was abducted, she was in a car with a man not related to her by blood or marriage, and in Saudi Arabia, that is illegal. Last month, she was sentenced to six months in prison and 200 lashes with a bamboo cane.
Two hundred lashes are enough to kill a strong man. Women usually receive no more than 30 lashes at a time, which means that for seven weeks the “girl from Qatif,” as she’s usually described in news articles, will dread her next session with Islamic justice. When she is released, her life will certainly never return to normal: already there have been reports that her brother has tried to kill her because her “crime” has tarnished her family’s honor.


We also saw Islamic justice in action in Sudan, when a 54-year-old British teacher named Gillian Gibbons was sentenced to 15 days in jail before the government pardoned her this week; she could have faced 40 lashes. When she began a reading project with her class involving a teddy bear, Ms. Gibbons suggested the children choose a name for it. They chose Muhammad; she let them do it. This was deemed to be blasphemy.


Then there’s Taslima Nasreen, the 45-year-old Bangladeshi writer who bravely defends women’s rights in the Muslim world. Forced to flee Bangladesh, she has been living in India. But Muslim groups there want her expelled, and one has offered 500,000 rupees for her head. In August she was assaulted by Muslim militants in Hyderabad, and in recent weeks she has had to leave Calcutta and then Rajasthan. Taslima Nasreen’s visa expires next year, and she fears she will not be allowed to live in India again.
It is often said that Islam has been “hijacked” by a small extremist group of radical fundamentalists. The vast majority of Muslims are said to be moderates.


But where are the moderates? Where are the Muslim voices raised over the terrible injustice of incidents like these? How many Muslims are willing to stand up and say, in the case of the girl from Qatif, that this manner of justice is appalling, brutal and bigoted — and that no matter who said it was the right thing to do, and how long ago it was said, this should no longer be done?


Usually, Muslim groups like the Organization of the Islamic Conference are quick to defend any affront to the image of Islam. The organization, which represents 57 Muslim states, sent four ambassadors to the leader of my political party in the Netherlands asking him to expel me from Parliament after I gave a newspaper interview in 2003 noting that by Western standards some of the Prophet Muhammad’s behavior would be unconscionable. A few years later, Muslim ambassadors to Denmark protested the cartoons of Muhammad and demanded that their perpetrators be prosecuted.


But while the incidents in Saudi Arabia, Sudan and India have done more to damage the image of Islamic justice than a dozen cartoons depicting the Prophet Muhammad, the organizations that lined up to protest the hideous Danish offense to Islam are quiet now.


I wish there were more Islamic moderates. For example, I would welcome some guidance from that famous Muslim theologian of moderation, Tariq Ramadan. But when there is true suffering, real cruelty in the name of Islam, we hear, first, denial from all these organizations that are so concerned about Islam’s image. We hear that violence is not in the Koran, that Islam means peace, that this is a hijacking by extremists and a smear campaign and so on. But the evidence mounts up.


Islamic justice is a proud institution, one to which more than a billion people subscribe, at least in theory, and in the heart of the Islamic world it is the law of the land. But take a look at the verse above: more compelling even than the order to flog adulterers is the command that the believer show no compassion. It is this order to choose Allah above his sense of conscience and compassion that imprisons the Muslim in a mindset that is archaic and extreme.


If moderate Muslims believe there should be no compassion shown to the girl from Qatif, then what exactly makes them so moderate?
When a “moderate” Muslim’s sense of compassion and conscience collides with matters prescribed by Allah, he should choose compassion. Unless that happens much more widely, a moderate Islam will remain wishful thinking.


Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a former member of the Dutch Parliament and a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, is the author of “Infidel.”

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Visa Announces Shop Only - "Shop Till You Drop" Card

Want to get that "shopper's high" without actually spending a dime?

Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ?

Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?

Well with Visa's "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee --ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost a paltry fifty bucks (and you can get up to one -hundred thousand dollars credits for about three hundred dollars) with high interest easy credit terms of course.

So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.

And for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and even wrap and put them under the tree if you like. (and then you get another "fix" for free when you open them.)

And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Nelson's "Shopped" us for our housewarming (your friend unwraps and reads the gift description ) - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".

And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!

Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Visa "Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! --For peanuts!

Monday, December 03, 2007

The World's Women Need A "Thelma and Louse" Reaction

In Saudi Arabia, a woman who was gang-raped was sentenced to 90 lashes. The reason? Before the rape, the woman, who was then 19, had been in a car with a man who was not a family member — a crime under the kingdom’s legal code, which is based on a strict Wahabi reading of Islamic law. Punishing the victim of a brutal rape is reprehensible. Then a Saudi appeals court more than doubled her lashings to 200 and added six months’ jail time, apparently because she had the audacity to publicly challenge the court’s ruling. Her lawyer had his license to practice suspended.

Any woman who is not sufficiently outraged to start a world wide revolution over the way most Muslim's treat women -- should immediately have her tubes tied!

Boycotts -- political activism -- withholding pussy favors from men and even male castration are what may be necessary to stop the oppression of tens of millions of totally innocent and vulnerable women from these sick fucks who go to the Mosque four times a day and then come home and kick their wives around in front of their children.

Look - the world's men aren't doing (and won't do) shit to help you! They're out fucking younger women and drinking in sports bars and would rather be hunting and fishing and even working - than getting involved in stopping women from getting lashed in Saudi Arabia.

Hell - it's not long ago that they were burning scarlett letters onto womens tits for crimes that they commited with young boys before breakfast every day - and if it wasn't for some really brave sisters you still wouldn't have suffrage ( let alone the pill and a job).

So until you turn up the heat - use your bigger brains and stronger wills and turn into a world wide army of "Thelma and Louise's" -- poor pathetic gals like that one in Saudi Arabia are going to keep getting ruined by subhuman male scumbags.

Go get em -- here's a rallying cry "No Support - No Vote and No Pussy"

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Bill Richardson Just Loves To Kill Animals

Yep -this cherubic presidential candidate who likes to come across as an avuncular mix of Will Rogers and Mark Twain, when he's in a national TV debate -- just loves to tell his downhome redneck audiences that he is the only presidential candidate who loves to hunt and is a card carrying member of the NRA.

He's your chubby uncle Billie when he's on the national stage -- but out there in shit-for brains-land he reverts to his gun totin animal killin nature.

I was hoping that some pimply faced You Tuber would have asked him; "Hey Bill - why do you get so stoked on shooting some beautiful wild creature with a high powered rifle -- clearly you haven't missed any meals lately - is it that short dick complex thing?"

Well, i can think of a lot of things that the world could use right now -- but another asshole who likes to sit in his den oiling up his Winchester whilst dreaming of a high caliber slug ripping it's way into some animal nibbling on some berries - ain't one of them.

Actually -- i would like to see Bill Richardson's asshole impaled on the horns of an Antelope out there in New Mexico - where God willing he will remain.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Muhammad Is NO Teddy Bear!

KHARTOUM, Sudan - Thousands of Sudanese, many armed with clubs and knives, rallied Friday in a central square and demanded the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam for allowing her students to name a teddy bear "Muhammad."

Now - nothing could more vividly demonstrate what the Civilized world is up against more than this frightening demonstration of Religious faith gone totally wacko!

Illiterate angry masses of exploited human animals brought to a frenzy of hatred by psycho religious leaders is business as usual in the history of the human ape . The problem now, however, is that instead of stones they have modern weapons including weapons of mass destruction.

Now you don't see any riots in Sudan over Dar fur where cutting off a child's arms is what you do before lunch and then you go out and burn a village and torture and rape some folks and then take a long nap.

These folks are very faithful though. They are so faithful that ninety percent of them can't read or write so they don't even know what the Koran means - they just chant away and listen to their Mullahs demented interpretations of it. They would believe Mohammad WAS a Teddy Bear if that's what they were told -- and then they would try to hack you to death for calling him a "Great Spiritual Leader"

All the Imams would have to scream is"Kill the infidel! -she called Mohammad a great spiritual leader! --Cut out her pussy and drag it through the streets ! --let the children see the torn pussy of the Infidel who called Mohammad "A Great Spiritual Leader".

Well at least it's all very clear now (in case it wasn't before) -in America we buy Teddy Bears for our kids for Christmas -- but the Muslims would cut out your intestines at the thought that someone could portray Mohammad as cute and adorable and fuzzy.

Can you imagine, even one of Christianity's major wackos, like John Hagee, screaming; "Kill all the Jews - Moyshe Pipick, an orthodox Rabbi had a stuffed Sea Otter named Jesus in his Talmud class."

And then the Christians taking to the streets like animals with torches and pitch forks hunting down and killing Jews? -- Heck, they stopped doing that sixty years ago.

Why doesn't some smart toy maker come out with next years hot item for Ramadan? -- An ignorant vicious Muslim moron doll with a suicide belt - and with a sword and a Barbie with a detachable head for the kids to practice cutting off.

I only want ten percent for this great marketing concept -- Sent to my bank care of Sal man Rushdie.

Oh -and I'm gonna have to switch,sadly, to Rudy for president - one good wacko deserves another.

Britney Spears Endorses Mitt Romney "The Mormon Moose" For President

Britney Spears has finally made her long awaited decision about who she thinks should become president and has announced her support for Republican candidate (and Mormon) -- Mitt Romney (former governor of Massachusetts).


"This was a very difficult decision for me", said Britney, as she lounged by her pool in Miami waiting for her plastic surgeon to arrive and repair her right nipple which had fallen off overnight (the result of twelve breast implants).


"The Moron -oops Mormon thing worried me at first but when i found out that they believe in having many wives (at the same time) i figured that they must really know how to take care of a woman -- and i need a lot of care."


"Also - he's such a stud puppy -so tall and handsome and still has got that 'daddy spank me' thing going for him --and now that he's against abortions i really am convinced he's the one because i've had twenty eight abortions now and believe you me that gets real old after a while."


She continued,"Also, i think it's sooo cool that he puts his dog in a cage on the top of his car when his family goes on a trip. My mom and dad used to tie me to the roof of the car when i was little,whenever we went on a road trip -- and sometimes they would even leave me out overnight --it was sooo cool --and made me feel soooo secure."


"I'm kinda disappointed that i couldn't get Michael (Jackson) to come out for Mitt but ever since he saw Rudy Giuliani in a dress on SNL he just loves Rudy - although he thinks his wife is a real cunt, so maybe i can turn him around."(oops a pun)


"Well -anyhow - i plan on working real hard for Mitt - and hope maybe he'll get a little hard for me - haha -- he sure is a tall sexy hunk --i bet he's hung like a Moose -- ha ha --a Mormon Moose!"

Stay tuned for more of the bandit's celebrity endorsements -- because every vote counts!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Answer These Questions If You've Got The Grapes

"Asking the important questions — not
So CNN chose which questions would be asked in the Republican debate last night. And guess what: not one question about health care, the central domestic issue for this election.
They did, however, include a question about putting a man on Mars"

So said the NYTimes -- So i guess I'll just have to submit another list of the Digibandit's key questions -and judging from your reactions to my prior blog on this subject -- i really struck a chord with my tens of thousands of loyal and bright readers -- so here's round two:

What is the most critical issue that you have ever changed your mind about after careful deliberation? (elaborate)

If you found your adult son or daughter performing oral sex on a minor what would you do?

If you were assassinated during your Presidency would you want your wife to remarry?

Have you ever been intimate with a minority (including a Jew)?

Do you believe that killing over two-hundred thousand Iraqi civilians and displacing four million was justified in a moral, means /ends equation?

How many times in the past month did you have sex (from all sources)?

Do you think that Allah is on an equally Godly footing with Yaweh? (Buddha? - Krishna? -- The Tooth Fairy?)

What is your favorite charity?

If your wife or daughter were gang raped by Hasidic Jews would you allow them to have an abortion? (by Blacks? - Hispanics?)

Do you believe that vibrators can be an effective source of sexual stimulation? (does the Mrs. indulge?)

Has a minority ever been a guest in your home (who and when?)

Have you ever killed a wild animal? (why?)

Are any of your children taking prescription anti-depressants?

Do you believe that Ahmadinejad is a normal human being? (Hugo Chavez?)

More to come!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Now -How About Bush Taking Off HIS Uniform - Before It's Too Late

Will someone -- anyone -- tell me why the President of the United States is also the Commander In Chief of the armed forces?

"It's because you gotta have someone at the top who is not part of the Military establishment and someone who has the final say in an emergency" says my fucking idiot brother.

Let me get this straight -- the shit really hits the fan - like George Bush gets a call from some General (think Sterling Hayden in "Dr. Strangelove") -- "Hello Mr. President -we have confirmed satellite reports that Russia has just started fueling it's new MIR SS19 nuclear missiles --could you please toddle over to the war Room?"

Now i can think of a few scenarios i might prefer to empowering a guy with zero knowledge (i mean zero) of military strategy -who gets his best advice from the son of God who resides in heaven -who was formerly on Earth - and who takes a personal interest in his welfare- and will now maybe whisper in his ear "Go destroy civilization - better hurry - and we'll worry about it later."

One alternative might be a standing group of tough - smart - balanced individuals -- pre evaluated and selected and ordained by the Democratic process (with all the evaluation tools brought to bear in the selection process commensurate with the awesome responsibility being delegated) - with the power to evaluate such a crisis in an immediate time frame -- and empowered to act!

Or would you prefer George Bush down on his knees in the White House Chapel --rosary in hand -staring up at a wooden idol - crying "Oh thank you Lord Jesus --thank you so much - i look forward to seeing you in Heaven within the next couple of hours --Laura and the kids say hi -- and yes I'll tell the Jews to convert right away so they won't all be sent to hell with the Russians -- yes --I'll tell John Hagee right away -- oh thank you so much Jesus - oh and hey what's the weather like up there?"

Well -- you get the idea -and if you think it can't happen i would suggest you just keep on shopping right until the end --one more swipe of your last credit card before the you head for the big shopping mall in the sky --Merry Christmas -- adios!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Here's Some Boring Bullshit I Just Had To get Off My Chest

After watching an hour of Bill Moyers grind away at how we were all misled about Iraq having WMD and led into a thuggish invasion by the neocons - i went and puked on my lemon tree in splendid Hollywood and decided it was time to rant a little on this issue.

One - what with just having a bunch of religious wackos give us a wake up call about how bright our future looked - and with one of the most pathological and fascist tyrants on the planet refusing to come forward and offer proof that he wasn't trying to match his "Death To America" rhetoric with WMD proliferation - we all were a little nervous.

Two - the idea of getting rid of him and his murderous cronies and liberating the intellect and spirit and industry of a huge - but oppressed mostly secular, Iraqi middle class -- and maybe changing the paradigm of middle east dystopia - seemed like a noble and prudent enterprise.

Three - how could anyone have guessed that our leaders would have absolutely no insight into the seething sectarian hell we were about to unleash - and that the debathification -- the dismissing of the army - the unsecuring of enough modern weapons to supply every Iraqi wacko for a generation - and a total misjudgement about the number of troops needed to deal with the chaos -and the total incompetence and corruption of the Iraqi leadership -and that the Bushies would assign the most critical reconstruction and oversight duties to people who's qualification was compatible ideology instead of competence .

(which as it turns out is the ultimate lesson of the last eight years - INCOMPETENCE - which is why the number one issue for the next election should be COMPETENCE).

So - it never was solely about WMD ! We didn't know!- We knew we didn't know!

And that was reason enough - considering Saddam's history and the long term potential to eliminate his regime and give Iraqis a real shot at a life -and the potential to remodel the region; to take him out.(unless you think the collateral damage/innocent bystanders moral issue trumps all other considerations -- in which case you should start a revolution or shut the fuck up about it).

It doesn't piss me off that they didn't just say that - after all they are dealing with a public that is basically ignorant and delusional with belligerent rednecks one one side of the aisle and queer liberal cultural relativists on the other. And in the middle -- pretty much politically anethesized.

That's it -- Hope you had a great black Friday and have a great Internet Monday - and shop till you drop!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Here's some No Bullshit Questions For The Presidential Candidates

When you die do you believe you will have an actual face to face meeting with God?

When is the last time you masturbated?

Do you think the average homosexual is normal?

What is your attitude towards oral and anal sex?

What is your deepest insight into existence?

Do you believe that an embryo is a life and that killing one is murder and why?

What is your favorite book (fiction and non fiction)?

If you found out your wife gave another man a blow job would you leave her? (Hillary has dealt with this issue)

If you farted loudly in a meeting with your cabinet - what would you say?

Tell your favorite joke!

When is the last time you cried?

If you found out one of your children was a pedophile would you turn him in?

Can atheists be considered moral?

Would you approve of one of your children marrying a black person? (Obama must also answer)

Do you believe in pre-marital sex?

Have you ever had a hand job outside the home?

Have you ever been in a physical fight? (describe circumstances and outcome)

When is the last time you said Fuck?

Do you believe Clarence Thomas is normal?

Do you believe that the Pope is infallible?

More to follow - any suggestions?

Here's Some Really Important Questions For Presidential The Candidates

When you die do you believe you will have an actual face to face meeting with God?



When is the last time you masturbated?



Do you think the average homosexual is normal?



What is your attitude towards oral and anal sex?



What is your deepest insight into existence?



Do you believe that an embryo is a life and that killing one is murder and why?



What is your favorite book (fiction and non fiction)?



If you found out your wife gave another man a blow job would you leave her? (Hillary has dealt with this issue)



If you farted loudly in a meeting with your cabinet - what would you say?



Tell your favorite joke!



When is the last time you cried?



If you found out one of your children was a pedophile would you turn him in?



Can atheists be considered moral?



Would you approve of one of your children marrying a black person? (Obama must also answer)



Do you believe in pre-marital sex?



Have you ever had a hand job outside the home?



Have you ever been in a physical fight? (describe circumstances and outcome)



When is the last time you said Fuck?



Do you believe Clarence Thomas is normal?



Do you believe that the Pope is infallible?

Friday, November 23, 2007

We Get Better Pussy Than Brad Pitt!

You know --i just realized something! i picked up this Australian chick in a club on Sunset Boulevard last night and as i lay in bed looking at her this morning it came (pun -sorry) to me in a flash! --This babe is twice as hot as Angela or Jennifer!(off screen)

Holy shit! --I get better pussy than Brad Pitt!No Ferrari - No house on the beach in Malibu - No fifty million in the bank account -- No celebrity status -- Just me and my average size Jewish prick and a few good moves !

Then i began thinking about all the nasty dysfunctional star assholes i catch a glimpse of -- all these macho celebs -- crying about their nasty star babes all over the covers of the tabloids.I'm checking out at Ralph's with a BBQ chicken for dinner while they are out wining and dining their wacko wives and girlfriends - and then buying them jewelry to get laid while getting their balls broken by these chicks - who i wouldn't fuck with their dicks!Wow!

I jumped out of bed and called my buddy Lee -- "Lee" i said! -- 'Would you fuck Katie Holmes?" -- he asked me what i was smoking and replied; "Not with your cock!

"Wow! -- what a revelation! -- now here is Tom Cruise who is a super star worth mega millions and even though he's a midget and a cult fanatic you know this guy could fuck the hottest babes on earth every night of the week and he winds up with a nagging average ugly babe who breaks his balls 24/7 --duh!

The list of Star dudes who get tied down and fucked over by average ugly superstar babes is mind blowing -- i can't get over it! -- I know fat guys living in the Antelope Valley without a pot to piss in who get better pussy than John Beckham. My pal Ernie Greenblatt ( one of the aforementioned fat guys) fucks chicks that bury that bony spice girl moron; and they are cool chicks who love to laugh and can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!

What the hell my male brothers? -- What gives here? --What's wrong with you star dudes? -- You definitely need help!Hey -- how about a reality show? -- "Average Guys Who Get Hotter Pussy Than The Stars"

This is an epiphany! -- I feel like Abraham must have when God spoke to him in the desert for the first time!I get better pussy than Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and Russel Crowe and George Clooney -- and YOU probably do too!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving - It May Very Well Be Our Last

The Pilgrims were a bunch of religious fanatics and intolerant wackos whose principles and values we have spent over four hundred years trying to overcome .

The current crop of religious wackos is still at the table - spouting their intolerance and superstitious pipe dreams, like the mean spirited ignorant witch doctors -which they are.

Most Americans work like dogs fifty weeks a year so they can go shopping for crap and maybe get some down time and the kind of natural bliss that the Indians enjoyed 24/7.(before we slaughtered em and turned their culture into a gambling casino).

The planet is becoming a dump - one billion people live on less than a dollar a day and another one billion are food and water deprived -and the perpetual tribal killing machines that we human primates are, now have ubiquitous weapons of mass destruction (tick- tick -tick).

And - we human apes have now given birth to a deadly virus for which there is no immunity and no escape - religous fanaticks who worship death - who have access to weapons of mass destruction.

The perfect storm has blown across the land -- a cyclone of tribal hatred and nihilism - with no end in sight except - THE END!

So get up early, pop a prozac, and get on over to Walmart and buy some more "stuff," as George Carlin used to say -- and :

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Southern Baptists Seek New Song Book - Here's An Idea!

I heard a report onNPR radio today that the Southern Baptists are having a debate over their "Hymnal." You know those catchy tunes that they sing praising the Lord that sound like they were written by mental patients.


Yep - there's a hot debate going on between the traditional Baptists who prefer the oldy but goldy songs and the really hip Baptists that want to be more relevent for the younger members of their cult.. (the elders refer to these new songs as seven elevens because they basically say "And we should all praise the lord" and repeat it eleven times.I guess that's a Baptist attempt at satire?


Well - i just can't resist weighing in with a proposed Baptist ditty that i feel represents the spirit of how the Chritian Gospel has impacted these folks -- based, that is, on their illustrious commitment to tolerance of all humanity and their keen sense of compassion and social justice. -Here goes:


"Mount This!"



(a Baptist song about Jesus' "Sermon On The Mount")



What Jesus meant was Watch your ass


For Jews Niggers and Queers


They changed the Masters holy Words


Slaughter them like steers


Chorus: They changed the Masters holy words


Slaughter Them like Steers


Jesus said To love thy neighbors

Except the ones we Hate

kikes and Spics and Chinks and Niggers

Treat em all like Bait


repeat chorus


It's catchy dontcha think? - Kinda sums up their history? -The melody should probably have a strong organ background mixed with the cracking of bullwhips and screams of agony.


I only hope these folks get to ask Jesus for his reaction as soon as possible.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Candidates Should be Waterboarded As Test Of Courage

Look -in these dangerous times the most important character trait we should be looking for in our next president is cajones (balls to you gringos) - nuts -grapes or however you call em - but definitely someone who has got guts -because they will need a kickass amount of courage to deal with what's a comin -- it's gonna be right out of a Cormac McCarthy novel i'm afeared.

So --lets kill two birds with one stone! We'll have the presidential candidates undergo waterboarding to see how much they can take it relative to one another - and we also get a first hand look at how effective this procedure actually is. (fox has agreed to televise it and based on initial sponsor interest will probably make it into an ongoing reality series "The One Million Dollar Waterboarding Contest"

Personally i think it will be close between Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Hillary Clinton has got female balls and they are generally bigger than men's -- and John Mccain might just think it's like gargling with mouthwash after what he got in the Hanoi Hilton.

On the weak side it's probably John Edwards. I figure he shits his pants when they sit him in the chair.

Now - i think Rudy Giuliani is a stone pussy - but after three marriages (and that arch cunt Judith) he can probably endure a whole lot of pain. And Mitt Romney i figure is two or three seconds behind Edwards in screaming for his momma and then pissing in his pants and then offering a million bucks and his kids to be set free.(after calling his attorneys)

Obama, i believe, would try hard but would fold quickly especially after seeing Bill Richardson puke on the CIA torturer with his first gag of the water and beg to be killed.

Thompson, i believe, can take it pretty good - but I'm afraid he would definitely suffer a stroke during the torture - and wack job Dennis Kucinitch would probably refuse to participate and call the ACLU to intervene.

Now Mike (hallelujah)Huckabee is an interesting case - being a Baptist preacher, his love of being immersed in water might actually be a spiritual experience for him --i recommend instead that he be locked in a room with Christopher Hitchens for three hours and see if he can stand THAT torture.


Chris (the waffler) Dodd might be the big surprise of the event! -- I have a feeling he is used to having large objects thrust into his throat - he might use the torture as an occasion to come out of the closet? ( a breakthrough in honesty for him)

Biden and Brownback get a pass -they're in it for their resumes.(and Biden could never shut up long enough to participate anyway.

pretty clever idea --huh?

Monica Lewinsky's Blow Job Just Might Save The World

There is a very strong probability that Hillary Clinton will begin an eight year "rule" of America!

I say "rule" only because i recently saw the movie "Elizabeth The Golden Age" and two factors led me to a startling epiphany :

One - the timing of Queen Elizabeth's role on the world stage as the leader of an immensely powerful and progressive Empire being challenged existentially by an 'Evil Empire" driven by religious fanaticism . ( The Ayatollah Khomeini in the form of King Phillip of Spain.) - and the obvious comparison to What will confront "Queen" Hillary.

Two -- Elizabeth's dependence on her loyal and and trusted advisor -Sir Francis Walsingham (who's efforts unveil the Spanish plans to invade England with their Armada). And -- as i watched the amazing performance of Geoffrey Rush as Walsinham unfold -- i could not help but think of Bill Clinton back in the White House assuming those very same duties to save America and Queen Hillary from the evil Arabs.

The epiphany -- Hillary would not have become politically viable if the American people had not witnessed her great poise and strength during the Monica Lewinsky embarrassment. She relied on her faith in the Lord and the Christian belief in salvation and redemption (i am puking now) - to forgive Bill for his transgression -and to come through spiritually invigorated --born again. (i just threw up my socks)

And so -- the next "Ruler" Queen Hillary --with her wise advisor Sir Bill -- of the most powerful country in the world -- during a time of unprecedented challenges -- would not be poised to save the wold -- if Monica Lewinsky had not given Bill Clinton a blow job.

And what really blows (oops) my mind is that none of this would be happening -- If she swallowed properly, ( hence eliminating the telltale stain/evidence)

Now, why i made the leap from the movie to the Monica epiphany is something i will definitely have to discuss with my Rabbi. - It might have been because in the movie it's pretty clear that Elizabethh is dying to go down on Sir Walter Raleigh (who also reminded me of Bill) who winds up shtupping the Queens best friend.

Ain't life strange?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

US Corporate failures and Crooks Should Kill Thmselves Like Zhang Shuhong Did

BEIJING (Reuters) - The boss of a Chinese toy manufacturing company involved in a Mattel recall after its products were found to contain excessive lead levels has hanged himself, Chinese media reported on Monday.

Zhang Shuhong, a Hong Kong businessman in his 50s and boss of the Lida Toy Company in the southern province of Guangdong, was found dead in his factory workshop on Saturday, the semi-official Southern Metropolitan Daily said.

About 1.5 million preschool toys made by Lida Toy, a Foshan-based contract manufacturer for Mattel Inc.'s Fisher-Price unit, were recalled across the globe by the U.S. company last week.

Zhang is my kind of guy! No excuses and no one hundred million payout deal for fucking up. He saves the wife and kids years of listening to his recriminations and crybaby crapola - the stock holders save a huge pile of money; and the public and his financial cronies get an object lesson in real old fashioned accountability.

Hey -- Roman generals fell on their swords and Samurai warriors opened up their guts with a knife! -- The very least that those pampered failures at Enron or Citigroup or those Savings and Loan guys could do is follow the wonderful and ballsy example of Zhang Shuhong and go out and hang themselves.

And it should be mandated by the Securities and Exchange Commission that every board room of the fortune five hundred companies and all Hedge Fund executive offices have a picture prominently displayed on their wall of Zhang Shuhong swinging in the breeze. (that is, of course, until we build up a domestic rogues gallery of corporate swingers (pun))

Which one of you guys wants to be first? -- C'mon - Go out in style!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Fox Announces "Green Card" Starring Paris Hilton

Once again those creative people over at Fox TV have found a way to provide a fun reality show with a positive social twist -- and also take some of the sting out of our cultural deprivation during the WGA strike.

A group of fabulous looking men and women will compete for the affection of American citizens who have agreed to marry the winners - thereby gaining them their coveted green cards and ultimately citizenship.

Paris Hilton told the bandit Hollywood reporter today; "I'm so excited about doing something worthwhile in my screwed up life - some lucky illegals will now get a chance to hump their way into American citizenship thanks to Fox TV."

She continued; "I'm like the perfect host for this cool new show and i might even marry one of those wetbacks myself if he can really light up my G spot and get my crab grass under control"

President Bush upon hearing about the show said; "Heh heh -- well, you know the Fox news channel has been called the "Bush News Network" and they always know how to arrange the news just right for us real Americanos -- and now along comes this "Green Card" show which might just be the answer to the immigration problema we've been a lookin for --hooray Fox!"

The contestants will spend a week at a resort with their potential future partners and will perform various housekeeping and landscaping and cooking and of course sex related activities.Finally there will be a lavish wedding and"Green Card"ceremonies for the lucky winners -- presided over by the Department of Immigration and Naturalization. (and Paris of course)

The President of Mexico was overheard telling an aide; "I would love to bang Paris Hilton in the burrito -- they can keep the green card"God bless Fox television and America!

Viva Fox!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Rudy Giuliani Stars In Remake Of Stephen King's "Dead Zone"


Rudy Giuliani Caught In The spotlight With Baby Bernie Kerick!

"It is always a sad day" , as United States Attorney Michael J. Garcia noted, when a law enforcement official is accused of breaking the law." That is especially true when the official was New York’s top jailer, the head of the nation’s largest police department, and nearly became the chief of a 180,000-member federal department charged with keeping America safe.

What's so scary is that Rudy still stands behind this piece of shit who is a thief and who completely screwed up the training of the Iraqi police force and then abandoned his post and ran back to America.

Rudy reminds me of Greg Stillson in Stephen King's novel "The Dead Zone" --involving an evil fanatic who almost gets elected president by a duped electorate eager to put a "Tough guy" in the White House.The hero of the story can read the future and knows this guy will start a nuclear war so he attemps to assasinate him at a political rally.

His shot misses, but Stillson grabs a baby from a mothers arms and uses it as a shield to protect himself --with the news cameras rolling!

What a sriking simile! - Bernie Keric is Rudy's baby!

Big lesson -- These dangerous men always seem to come along during tough and frightening times when their veiled pathology escapes our understanding and vision.

In Rudy's case this is not about getting rid of homeless people and squeegy men in NYC --this phony could be walking around with a suitcase full of nuclear attack codes -- and talking to his crazy fucking wife while he's got Ahmadinejad on hold. And -if you think he was such a big hero during 911 --why don't you get the NYC Fire Department's take on how he handled the disaster.

Yeah --Rudy has been fabulous when the cameras are rolling -- but he just got caught ------- with Baby Bernie Kerick in his arms!

So now we know!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

If You Vote For Giuliani After Reading This You Are Delusional

Columnist Gail Collins NY Times 11-8-07

Whenever you read that a candidate “values loyalty above all else” — run for the hills. Loyalty is a terribly important consideration if you’re choosing a pet, but not a cabinet member.

How about if this time we try for a president who would recruit gifted people who can accomplish great things, as opposed to a room full of dopes who will never write tell-all memoirs?

Loyalty is on our mind today because of the indictment of Bernard Kerik, the really, really loyal former New York City police commissioner. Rudy Giuliani, who was entirely responsible for Kerik’s meteoric rise from mayoral chauffeur, has not seemed to draw any great lessons from his protégé’s spectacular fall. Giuliani did say that he made a “mistake in not clearing him effectively enough,” which sounds as if he is kicking himself for not sending a second squad of detectives out to interview Kerik’s neighbors.

In fact, the lapse in the “clearing” procedure involved Giuliani ignoring the city investigations commissioner when he arrived with the news that Kerik was involved with a company suspected of having ties to organized crime.
Giuliani claims not to remember this moment in the vetting process, which seems sort of strange for a guy who made his career prosecuting the mafia and those-who-had-ties. The former mayor does, however, have a bad memory. We know this because he obtained an annulment of his 14-year-long first marriage on the grounds that he had forgotten that his wife was his second cousin.

On the terrible day of Sept. 11, 2001, Kerik was with the mayor as Giuliani left the disaster at ground zero, searching for a telephone to contact the outside world. Also loyally at the mayor’s side were three deputy mayors, the fire commissioner and the head of the Office of Emergency Management. They all walked north, in a little command-clump, intent on the central mission of protecting their main man. You would have thought, really, that the protecting job could have been done by youthful aides while the alleged leaders tended to the fire, emergency and police problems downtown.

But if anybody had stayed behind, focusing on the wider city rather than the man who had plucked them all out of obscurity and given them everything they had, how would he know they were loyal? The ties forged in that clump of commanders catapulted them into extremely well-paying jobs in the firm of Giuliani Partners and convinced the mayor to propose Bernard Kerik as the next chief of the Department of Homeland Security, a position for which he was approximately as well qualified as I am to be quarterback for the New England Patriots.

Giuliani had a great police commissioner, Bill Bratton, during his first term when all the critical crime-fighting apparatus for which the administration became so famous was put into place. But Bratton was not particularly loyal, in the sense that he did his job well, then enjoyed taking credit for it himself. And so he was gone.

There is an entire chapter in Rudy Giuliani’s famous book “Leadership” that is titled “Loyalty, the Vital Virtue.” In it, he pats himself on the back for making a man named Robert Harding the city’s budget director even though he knew the ever-feckless news media would point out that Harding’s father, Ray, was the chairman of the city’s Liberal Party, whose endorsement had done a great deal to get Giuliani elected mayor. “I wasn’t going to choose a lesser candidate simply to quiet the critics,” he said.

For some mysterious reason, the book skips over a much better loyalty lesson involving the very same family. Giuliani demonstrated his loyalty to Ray Harding, giver of the Liberal Party endorsement, not only by giving his qualified son a good job, but also by turning over the New York City Housing Development Corporation to another son, Russell, who wound up embezzling more than $400,000 for vacations, gifts and parties. We will not even go into the pornography part, except to point out in his defense that of the 15,000 sexually explicit images found on his computer, only a few were of children.

The Giuliani version of loyalty, which bears a terrifying resemblance to the George W. Bush brand of loyalty, is entirely about self-protection. An administration safe beneath the loyalty cone does not have to worry much about leaks to the press, or even whistle-blowing.

People can screw up, or fail to achieve their missions, knowing the guy at the top will protect them as long as they put his well-being ahead of anything else. When disaster strikes, the whole world may be falling apart, but they will all be clumped together, walking north

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Us Corporate Failures Should Consider Suicide

BEIJING (Reuters) - The boss of a Chinese toy manufacturing company involved in a Mattel recall after its products were found to contain excessive lead levels has hanged himself, Chinese media reported on Monday.

Zhang Shuhong, a Hong Kong businessman in his 50s and boss of the Lida Toy Company in the southern province of Guangdong, was found dead in his factory workshop on Saturday, the semi-official Southern Metropolitan Daily said.

About 1.5 million preschool toys made by Lida Toy, a Foshan-based contract manufacturer for Mattel Inc.'s Fisher-Price unit, were recalled across the globe by the U.S. company last week.

Zhang is my kind of guy! No excuses and no one hundred million payout deal for fucking up. He saves the wife and kids years of listening to his recriminations and crybaby crapola - the stock holders save a huge pile of money; and the public and his financial cronies get an object lesson in real old fashioned accountability.

Hey -- Roman generals fell on their swords and Samurai warriors opened up their guts with a knife! --The least that those pampered failures at Enron or Citigroup or those Savings and Loan guys could do is follow the wonderful and ballsy example of Zhang Shuhong and go out and hang themselves.

And it should be mandated by the Securities and Exchange Commission that every board room of the fortune five hundred companies and all Hedge Fund executive offices have a picture prominently displayed on their wall of Zhang Shuhong swinging in the breeze. (that is, of course, until we build up a domestic rogues gallery of corporate swingers (pun))

Which one of you guys wants to be first? -- C'mon - Go out in style!

My Idea To Save The Writers and The Entertainment Industry

There are now thousands of people walking picket lines and sitting in bars - creatively bullshitting one another -- who are usually busy bullshitting the rest of us -- putting down the words and phrases that keep us all from having to think about our shitty jobs –wives –responsibilities and fears and inadequacies -- death and dying - rejection and insecurities -- starving children in Dar-fur and getting a poisoned ball bearing in your guts and your legs blown into Hoboken by some illiterate moron trying to get into heaven.

Their bosses and financiers who control the entertainment distribution pipelines are like any other greedy businessman out to screw the little guy; only in this case the little guy can turn his energies into escapist comedy and tragedy instead of cleaning out a bedpan or driving a truck –so he gets more attention from us. (Karl Marx didn’t like that)

The way to deal with the networks is NOT to deal with them!

The writers should begin by creating a bunch of “Writer Blogs” -on which they can create a 24/7 parade of funny and dramatic programming (like one big SNL show) that encompasses the whole spectrum of entertainment programming.

Create synergy with You Tube ( and the whole UGC universe) for visual support and Current TV for news coverage and -- the whole collaboration could become :

“The Peoples Television Network”

And when it gets a billion hits worldwide –which it most certainly would - in come the advertisers. Then project expands into separate programs by entertainment genre across the Internet -- and the decline of the network dinosaurs will be accelerated by about a decade.

The hedge fund monsters will pour financing in -and actors and directors and all the necessary support folks will eventually follow the bucks and flock to the enterprise. Hell –there’s enough creative and production folks out of work at any given time in Hollywood to staff a dozen networks at a moments notice.

And the suits and bean counters at the networks will all be sitting around in shock wondering what they used to do – and why --and what the fuck went wrong?.

So start doing what you Writers do --Write! --entertain us - and laugh all the way to the bank.

And then YOU can start exploiting the NEW little guys -- it's the American way.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Mitt Romney - Caught Telling Truth About His Sex Life

Mitt Romney Says Lots'a Pussy Is The Only Way For A Happy Marriage
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who has maintained in the face of wide concern about his Mormon faith, that Mormon ideology would play no part in his policies as president -- was overheard spilling the beans to a close aide!

The bandit informant stated; "I heard Mitt say that the concept of fidelity is ridiculous and that no red blooded male should or could be expected to only fuck one woman for the rest of his life!"

He said that Mitt went on a tirade as follows:" A fat ugly Christian conservative ,which is eighty percent of them, has no shot at getting hot pussy --so it's easy for them to preach about fidelity. Wer'e talking here about guys who think grunting into a fat cow and blowing their load instantlyonce a month is what a sex life is all about."

"Now you take attractive and rich and powerful and clever and fun guys like me -- every day there's some piece of ass throwing herself at me - these yo yo's who have no shot at hot pussy -- which they can only dream about and watch porno - have zero puusy options and they should not be judging those who do!"

"Now i want a family and a political career -- so i have to have a wife and put up a front for those corny values addicted morons out there. But let's be real about it -- if a cool dude wants to have a big family does he want to have one tiresome and wornout and overburdened future hag of a wife? --- Or, does he want to have a dozen or so hot wives that maintain their pussy heat over the long haul?"

"It's just too durned bad that we can't be open and honest about these issues because i know i can do a hell of a lot of good as president. and i hate lying about my pussy philosophy -- but if i get into that oval office -- cool dudes and hot pussy will have a friendly Mormon president in the white house."

He's definitely got my vote!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Don Imus Returns -- Woopee --Remember This Blog?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Don Imus To Write "I Made A Fucked-Up Joke" 100,000 Times
The 'Nappy headed Ho's" have agreed to forgive Don Imus if he writes his admission on a blackboard ( no pun intended) that will be positioned outside his New York studio and where the public can watch and spit on him and throw shit.

"It will take him approximately two days to complete his penance", said the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson " -- and we hope this teaches a lesson to all hymietown nigger haters,"added the Rev. Jackson.

Imus who makes his living pouring satire and irony over the inferno of hypocritical horseshit that is relentlessly spilled out onto their followers, who eat it like candy, from ideologues like Jackson and Sharpton and Oreilly and Limbaugh and : (oh you get my drift).

All Imus had to add to his misplaced comment was; "Those nappy headed Ho's are some fine basketball playin motherfuckas -- and we can't wait for those bitches to kick some ass all the way next season; after some well earned r&r sucking some big black cocks on the beach somewhere." He left the joke out of a bad joke -- he's a professional joker -- he needs a few days with Chris Rock. -- But let's not forget: his objective was comic satire -- not ethnic cleansing or racism.(ie. Anne Coulter or Mel Gibson or Jesse Jackson).

So-- guilty as charged -- he made a bad joke! So -- now -- what's the penalty for the lies and hypocrisy and deception and malicious racial hatred and dystopian policies that emanate from our political and religious and cultural icons like a shit fountain?

Any recommendations?

Friday, November 02, 2007

Hillary and Bill Complete Oral Sex Boot Camp With Honors

Responding to attacks by Barak Obamalama that Bill would be risky (meaning frisky) to have as first man -- she stated at a press conference today:

" After Bill got sucked off in the oval orifice (heh heh ) by Monica Lewinsky, i took a long hard (forgive the pun)look at the situation and had to admit to myself that i was starving a very virile man of a key ingredient in his emotional composition; the need for oral sex which is a very deep and important drive in both men and women -- and a necessity for the fulfillment of a complete relationship."

She continued; "After Bill and i completed an extremely demanding 'Oral Sex Boot Camp Training' -- which, bye the way, is so rigorous that experts call it the Navy Seal training equivalent of Deep Diving. (oops)" -

"Bill came in first in the class and i came in second. ( the woman that came in first could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch (heh hehheh) -- our marriage completely changed and we are like a pair of lovebirds."

"Bill, now says,when he stops screaming and moaning, that he can hardly walk after i finish -- and i don't mean to get personal but last week our security team almost broke into our soundproof bedroom after Bill performed his 'Dive" on me. -- i actually snapped one of the posts off George Washington's bed when i climaxed"

"Anyway -- Bill is under control -- and as first man he will be a great asset to the political process in effectively serving the American people -- and he sure will provide an important ongoing function for Madam President."

Stay tuned for --candidates views on oral sex -- it's all about "Values"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

President To Use Hollwood Talent To Stop Islamofascism

Hollywood Will Save Iraq And The World

Now listen up Mr. President because the bandit is gonna save your legacy and maybe the whole darn world!

You get Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"

'We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable and you will state the message as follows:"

"Hello it's me -- Mohammad! I'm speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah - and effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ."

"You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers -- enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran." - the message will then conclude as follows:

"Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise?"

Mr. President. you must remind this esteemed creative team that; "These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"

"And when the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over!"

"And you will all receive The medal Of Freedom -- And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project -- And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!"

"Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!"

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Barak Obama Is White Says Geneticist -- Hillary claims she's half black!

The bandit has learned from a medical source close to the Obama family that Barak became very enamored with Michael Jackson as a teenager and began to use a similar whitening pigmentation product similar to Jackson's over a prolonged period!

"He even thought about changing his name to Lance Barak" - said Dr. Maury Goldfarb. There has been no comment from the Obama camp but Hillary Clinton said in response to this amazing story: "Well, i have my own announcement to make that's quite a shocker -- i am half black! -- so how about that my brothas and sistas?"

"The Reverend Al Sharpton said: "Barak trying to pass as a honky just shows how much racial dysfunction there is in America -- next we'll find out that Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice are closet honky's too --but i'm pretty sure about Clarence Thomas and Alan Iverson"

he went on; "And all the ignorant rednecks will be sittin around today in eugenics heaven -- I can hear them now down at the shitbird cafe in Alabama having coffee after just slappin their wives around and violating their chldren ; "Yep bubba - i knew them uppity negroes was part white -- well ole Strom woulda taken care of them all if it weren't for those kikes up in Himey Town"

The Rev,Sharpton concluded;"And if Hillary Clinton is half black i will eat her pussy in Macy's window!"

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Dreamworks/Disney Releases "Studsy The Queer Bull" For Gay Children

Dream Works Releases "Studsy The Queer Bull" -- First Animated Film For Gay Kids
Steven Spielberg head of DreamWorks and his partner,in charge of animation,Jeffrey (Jewboy) Katzenberg,announced yesterday.

“We are in production on the first gay themed animated film !" "Studsy The Queer Bull', “It's about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows. We were thinking of calling the film, ‘The Queer Steer’ -- but technically he’s a bull (obviously not castrated) and hung like a Moose. As a matter of fact ‘Studsy’ would fuck a Moose as long as it’s a male Moose, and he even tried ,several times during filming, to get at me.” Chimed in Katzenberg the ex head of Disney Animation who is queerer than Studsy.

He continued; “Our research shows that twenty to thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment. –‘Studsy’ will instill pride and identity resolution in young closeted gay children and help them ‘break out.”

"And ‘Studsy’ does indeed "break-out" in a very compelling scene where he is supposed to impregnate a group of prize cows -- He ‘breaks out’ of the closet( a metaphor for his closet) and charges into the meadow --- where he proceeds to shtupp about twelve young bulls and eight steers in a violent release of pent up frustration .”

Spielberg added, “ Now youv’e got to picture this twenty six hundred pound Angus bull fucking every steer and bull in sight --the energy and passion and drama ! -- Think the fifteenth round in Rocky one.

'At this point in the test screenings young boys were jumping up and down on the seats screaming, ‘fuck em -- fuck em all Studsy” and they were crying and hugging one another and some even started masturbating.”

The producers concluded; “We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment --especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our children -- our most precious resource -- to shape and sructure their lives; as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art.

And - so, coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’. Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero .

Monday, October 22, 2007

McDonalds To Employ Chimpanzees

A major announcement from McDonald's -who like all companies forced to compete in the global marketplace - is committed to using good old American creativity and resourcefulness to beat China and India at their own game.

"McDonald's will be employing five hundred African Chimpanzees in one hundred test stores starting on Christmas day!" said Ernie Fryman. head of human resources for the chain.He stated; "In test cases the chimps outperformed our entry level labor force which is ninety five percent black by twenty five percent; and the customers just loved it - and our huge black consumer base did not even notice any difference ( i don't think most of them were even aware that they were being served by Chimps)"

He continued; "Kids of course just loved the Chimps and we project increased sales of twenty percent based on their appeal to the youngsters alone - and response from the general consumer base has been overwhelming."

The National Wildlife Federation said today that this may be the solution to ensure the preservation of mankind's closest animal relative -sharing ninety five percent of our DNA. -- "Rwanda and Uganda and the Congo where most of the Chimpanzees will be imported from are thrilled!

Condoleeza Rice said today --"The money that McDonald's is paying for the Chimps will go a long way to help those war torn nations allocate resources to essential human services."

Asked about the impact on the job market and how it will affect the young black employment market -- Mr. Fryman said; "Well, with projected sales increases and labor and efficiency savings from the Chimps -- we anticipate that we will be able to expand our operations -- move the Chimpanzees into supervisory positions - and allow the chimps to hire a lot of black kids and other minorities".He concluded; "Of course - they will have to bring their math and reading skills up to the Chimp's standards."

God bless American ingenuity!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Fox announces "Candid Catholic Confessions" With Father Konfessor

Fox has got a lot of cajones (balls to you gringos) in addition to be being cutting edge creative!

Their new reality show will feature a Catholic priest -- Father Konfessor -- who will take confessions and give penances for the pleasure of the television viewing audience.

"What a breakthrough!" -- Hidden cameras in the confessional booth will have audiences around the world peeing in their pants (panties) -- and the penances that Father Konfessor delivers will be more hysterical than the actual confessions;" said Sandy Gruesome:president of Fox entertainment.

This is Gruesom's first major programming move after the resignation of Doug Hertzhog who was not happy in his diminished role reporting to Gruesome.

Elise mandelbaum the bandit Hollywood reporter asked him; "What kind of penances will Father Konfessor dispense - give us an example."

"Okey dokey" said Gruesome; "In the pilot we see Hillary Duff very ashamedly confess that she loves to tease young men and that she wears short skirts without any underwear -- and here's the penance!"

"Father Konfessor says -- " Oh well Hillary youv'e been naughty so i require five Hail Mary's -- And -- ten cartwheels!"

"Wow!" -said our reporter "Aren't you being a wee bit blasphemous -and won't religious Catholics be upset about violating the priviliged and sacred bond between a Priest and his flock?"

"Fuck no!" said Gruesome --it will be bigger than Idol.

I think he's right -- and God will probably laugh his ass off.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Fox Announces "Green Card" Hosted By Paris Hilton

Once again those creative people over at Fox TV have found a way to provide a fun reality show with a positive social twist.

A group of fabulous looking men and women will compete for the affection of American citizens who have agreed to marry the winners - thereby gaining them LEGAL alien status.

Paris Hilton told the bandit Hollywood reporter today; "I'm so excited about doing something worthwhile in my fucked up life - some lucky illegals will get a chance to fuck their way into American citizenship thanks to Fox TV."

She continued; "I'm like the perfect host for this cool new show and i might even marry one of those wetbacks myself if he can really light up my G spot and get my crab grass under control"

President Bush upon hearing about the show said; "Heh heh -- well, you know the Fox news channel has been called the "Bush News Network" and they always know how to arrange the news just right for us real Americanos -- and now along comes this "Green Card" show which might just be the answer to the immigration problema we've been lookin for --hooray Fox!"

The contestants will spend a week at a resort with their potential future partners and will perform various housekeeping and landscaping and cooking and of course sex related activities.

Finally their will be wedding and"Green Card"ceremonies for the lucky winners -- presided over by the Department of Immigration and Naturalization. (and Paris of course)

The President of Mexico was overheard telling an aide; "I would love to fuck Paris Hilton in the burrito -- they can keep the green card"

God bless Fox television and America!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Condoleeza Rice Teams With Best Foods To Launch -- "Condoleeza Brown Rice"

Well commercial endorsements by political leaders had to happen sooner or later -- and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice has signed a seven figure deal with Best Foods International to manufacture a "brown" rice product with her name and likeness on the box -- "Condoleeza Rice".

And the word is that this is just the beginning; Vice president Dick Cheney is reportedly in negotiations with the world's largest manufacturer of security fences to endorse a new advanced line which will be called "Cheney Link Titanium Fences." with the slogan "Nothing Get's Through!"

A huge deal is being negotiated between George and Laura Bush and Proctor and Gamble for the release of "George and Laura Bush Baked Beans."

And even a Supreme Court Justice is getting into the act with a six figure advance to Justice Clarence Thomas from General Foods for -- "Clarence Thomas' Whitey Boy Muffins"

House Speaker nancy Pelosi is rumored to have turned down several million dollars from Maidenform to appear in a bras commercial "The Speaker Stands Firm In Her Maidenform Bra.!" -- But negotiations continue.....

What's next? -- "Barak Obama Pancake Mix?'

Stay tuned!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

NBC Buys Oxygen - Oprah To Launch "Sex - Bling and Cock" Channel

Oxygen Media began in February 2000 with enormous fanfare and a group of high-profile backers, chief among them Ms. Winfrey. It aimed to be a serious contender for ratings with the Lifetime Network, the leading cable channel for women.

So here is a sample of some of their most successful shows -- the ones that their "women" just love -- and which made Jeff Drecker (NBC Boss) drool and pay 925 million for it. "A perfect fit with the NBC family" - he says -- Excuse me while i puke!

Campus Ladies: The acclaimed improv comedy is back with a guest-star studded 2nd season and further adventures of suburban housewives Joan and Barri turned college party girls.
Girls Behaving Badly: Hilarious hidden camera hi-jinks from a distinctly female POV.
Absolutely Fabulous: Sin is in in this British cult hit series following extravagant Edina and her bad girl gal pal Patsy.
.
Reality
The Bad Girls’ Road Trip: The girls hit the road for a cross-country trip to meet each other’s friends and family, visit the other ‘bad girls’ in their hometowns and get new recruits for the second season.
The Bad Girls Club: Find out what happens when seven bad girls live under one roof in Oxygen's new reality series from the producers of Real World.
Fight Girls: Ten young female fighters live and train together for a shot at competing in the World Muay Thai championship.
Tori & Dean: Inn Love: Tori Spelling and new husband Dean McDermott go from in-crowd to inn keepers when they open a new B&B.
The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: Model turned mogul Janice Dickinson returns with an all-new season of attitude as she strives to make her modeling agency thrive.
Tease: Lisa Rinna hosts the ultimate battle for hair supremacy as home town challengers face off against Master Stylists.
Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance: Comedienne Mo'Nique's televised beauty pageant for big and beautiful women. The 3rd annual pageant premieres this summer. Stay tuned.
Snapped: Oxygen's hit true-crime series profiles the fascinating cases of women accused of murder.
Captured: Captured is an engrossing true-crime series that puts women at the center of solving mysteries.
Real Weddings from the Knot: A behind-the-scenes look from the bride's point of view of what really happens during the three weeks before her wedding.

Web Only
Our Bodies, Myself: Self-help guru Lauren Butterfield hosts Oxygen's first web exclusive show celebrating all things woman -- even the parts that smell bad.

Sex & Relationships
Talk Sex: No question about love and sex is too delicate for straight-talking "Sex Grandma" Sue Johanson.

Talk
The Tyra Banks Show: The former super model's daily talk show focusing on women's dreams, hopes and challenges.

Action
Xena: Warrior Princess: The formidable warrior princess takes on all forms of bad dudes in this cult adventure show.

Wow! -- Congratulations girls -- you certainly showed the world what American Women are made of - and stand for - and are really interested in:

Sex - Bling -- and Cock!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Tony Soprano Will Rub Out Fred Thompson!

Tony Soprano To Enter Dem Presidential Primary -- Will Run Against DA Arthur Branch (Fred Thompson) For President

Wow! -- It finally happened ! -- The race for president has turned into the ultimate television reality show. -- Fred Thompson has jumped into the republican presidential primary and leaped to the front of the pack in a heartbeat -- based on the persona he has acquired from his role in "Law and Order" as NYC DA Arthur Branch .

Howard Dean head of the Democratic party's National Committee announced today; "This guy could wipe out any of the current Democratic candidates!"

"The American people are basically a pack of morons and in the post 911 era a guy with his national television appeal in the role of a tough law man battling evil on the most popular dramatic series on TV --forget it! "

He continued; "Hillary might as well go back to nagging Bill full time and John Edwards to chasing ambulances; and Barak Obamamama couldn't get elected dog catcher with Fred Thompson in the race!"

"However" - he stated: "With James Gandolfini joining the Democratic primary we have a candidate who will certainly forge ahead to win that contest and subsequently defeat Thompson and take the white House -- it's gonna be president Tony Soprano."

"He will run on the slogan "Let A Mob Boss Protect America" -- "And we predict the largest voter turnout in American history and a landslide victory for President James Gandolfini "He concluded; "Oh and his VP running mate will be Edie Falco and his cabinet will be comprised of his mob team from the Sopranos --with Paulie Walnuts as national security advisor --and Big Pussie will return as secretary of state and Johnny (sack) Sacramonti will be Secretary of defense -- and the whole west Wing will be a total replication of the Bada Bing office.

"Tony (Mr. Gandolfino) issued a short statement saying; "As far as I'm concerned the terrorists are just a rival gang -- and we know exactly what to do about them and the rest of our enemies!"

Bada Bing! -- Bada Boom!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Larry Mo and Curly --Bush - Rumsfeld and Cheney --The Three Stooges

VP Cheney A Stooge Relative
Well, it should come as no surprise to anyone who has followed Dick Cheney's performance as Vice President -- That the Bandit has learned that he is in fact -- the nephew of the famous Three Stooge's member-- -- "Curly."

President Bush said "I knew he reminded me of someone -- i am a big fan of The Stooges yuk yuk yuk".

Ex Defense Chief Donald Rumsfeld and an old pal of Cheney said "Yep -- as a matter of fact when i was younger and had lot's of hair i strongly resembled Mo . -- And it is strangely coincidental that the President looks a lot like larry!"

So there you have it -- Bush Rumsfeld and Cheney -- Larry - Mo - and Curly -- the Three Stooges of American foreign policy!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Isiah Thomas - Another Shitty Example For Black Youth

On the witness stand, Mr. Thomas denied virtually every allegation made by Ms Anuncha. Browne Sanders. He denied swearing at her, ogling her, hugging her with amorous intent and telling her that he loved her and that she was beautiful and so attractive as to be a workplace distraction for him.

The harassment verdict was widely expected after the jury sent a note to the judge Monday indicating that it believed Thomas and the other defendants, Madison Square Garden and MSG chairman James Dolan, sexually harassed Browne Sanders, a married mother of three.

Her Honors and awards

Sports Business Journal 's "40 under 40" list, given to up-and-coming young sports executives. [1]1993: Inducted into the Northwestern Athletics Hall of FameNorthwestern University's Athlete of the Decade for the 1980s.

It's definitely time for some scientific inquiry into the black (no pun intended) hole of "political incorrectness" - to examine whether black males have a wee bit of a testosterone management issue.

Their rampant misogyny is probably the result of cultural neglect - but maybe they could get their shit together for the sake of the kids -- how about it you big strong black assholes?

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Clarence "Long Dong Silver" Thomas Is A Disgrace
Sworn testimony of Professor Anita Hill at Thomas' judicial hearings -- as follows:

"One of the oddest episodes I remember was an occasion in which Thomas was drinking a Coke in his office," she said. "He got up from the table at which we are working, went over to his desk to get the Coke, looked at the can and said, 'Who has put pubic hair on my Coke?' On other occasions he referred to the size of his own penis as being larger than normal, and he also spoke on some occasions of the pleasures he had given to women with oral sex." Another time, she said, he talked about a movie called "Long Dong Silver."

That was just a small portion of the testimony by Anita Hill, a professor of social policy, law and women’s studies at Brandeis University, and a visiting scholar at the Newhouse Center for the Humanities at Wellesley College -- which unfortunately was ignored by the good ole boys in Congress -- and "Long Dong" was confirmed by one vote ( the smallest margin in history) and took his place as the worst Supreme Court Justice in history - and a disgrace to all African American's.

Professor Hill said about "Dong's" new book "My Grandfather's Son" -- "Justice Thomas’s characterization of me is also hobbled by blatant inconsistencies. He claims, for instance, that I was a mediocre employee who had a job in the federal government only because he had “given it” to me. He ignores the reality: I was fully qualified to work in the government, having graduated from Yale Law School (his alma mater, which he calls one of the finest in the country), and passed the District of Columbia Bar exam, one of the toughest in the nation

.In 1981, when Mr. Thomas approached me about working for him, I was an associate in good standing at a Washington law firm. In 1991, the partner in charge of associate development informed Mr. Thomas’s mentor, Senator John Danforth of Missouri, that any assertions to the contrary were untrue. Yet, Mr. Thomas insists that I was “asked to leave” the firm."

Justice Thomas is a sick fuck - and he's got one of the most powerful jobs in America -- for life!

It's time to change the law which gives lifetime job security to Supreme Court Justices - and which eliminates any possibility to rectify a huge mistake - like Justice Clarence "Long Dong Silver" Thomas.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Blackwater Is Like Santa Clause Compared To Iraqi Leaders

"We have 1,000 guys out in the field. People make mistakes, they do stupid things sometimes."ERIK D. PRINCE, chief executive of Blackwater USA, which is under scrutiny for shootings by its employees in Iraq.

So Mr. Nuri al Maliki - Prime Minister of Iraq - what kind of men do you think are willing and able to guard the high level officials who are trying to save your asses - in the middle of a Muslim slaughter pit?

The shit hits the fan every once in a while because one of your fellow countrymen is hanging around on every fucking corner waiting to kill someone because they have nothing better to do.

Millions of innocent men women and children have been killed or wounded or uprooted -- your government is totally corrupt and dysfunctional -- and your whining about an unfortunate and non deliberate violent accident by individuals hired by a country that will soon have spent a trillion dollars and the lives of four-thousand great soldiers to deliver you from a madman -and give you a shot at a real life?

How about standing up -will someone -anyone -stand up and start screaming about the fuckers killing everyone in sight -day in and day out -- because of some argument fourteen hundred years ago about who should report directly to God!

How about we agree it should be Bugs Bunny --and then you can all go back to the Bronze Age and give it another try --Asshole!

The only more delusional asshole than you is George Bush!

Whew - i feel a lot better now --it's Miller time!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Clarence Thomas' New Book - "My Grandfather's Son - The Jerk-Off Justice"

The following exclusive report i blogged back in September, revealed an interesting insight into Justice Thomas' behavior that he left out of his new book "My Grandfather's Son"



Supreme Court Justice Thomas Wacks off During Court hearings
An incredible report surfaced today as Meyer Goldtooth,a law clerk for Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas, told the bandit's court reporter:



"Everyone has wondered for many years now why Justice Thomas never asks questions during Court hearings --and now i know why!"He continued;"Last week i went up to pass him an important note during the partial birth abortion hearings and he was staring straight ahead -- his eyes were glazed over and he was muttering!

"Oh yes -- oh shit -- oh my oh man!" -- "I could see he was wacking off and when he reached for the message his robe opened and i could see a massive black hard-on - it looked like an Anaconda



."Meyer went on,"As you know he won confirmation by only one vote in a tough battle due to the fact that a former law professor, Anita Hill, who had worked for Thomas at EEOC and The Department of Education -- had accused him of sexual assault; and a lot of allegations were raised about his aberrant sexual proclivities at that time.



"Thomas has been a source of great frustration to black civil right leader's and a favorite of the Bush right wingers; and has sided with the religious conservatives on every fucked up issue dear to their delusional vision of social justice in accord with a world created five thousand years ago by Bugs Bunny.



Well -- now it all makes sense! Another sexually frustrated hypocrite --in a position of power -- getting even with the universe of us poor humans who get laid on a regular basis and laugh at assholes like them. It's quite a club: From the Pope to Bill Oreilly and Rush Limbaugh and - oh well - it's pathetic. -- So now we welcome its newest prominent member --Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas -- "The Jerk-Off Justice"


That should have been the title of his just released book - "My Grandfather's Son --The Jerk -Off Justice"

Try writing that in Iran!