xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

If Working Women Give Their Jobs to Men -Unemployment rate goes to 4%



 ok -you guys take over
Women should give their jobs to men - eventually ending the whole unemployment problem and reversing the cultural mess we are in.
There was a time - not long ago:


When women ran the household and nurtured their children


When a man - with one job - supplied all the material needs of the family
When kids were watched over and played outside


When kids were not obese and drugged out


When parents were not obese and drugged out


When being in debt from buying unecessary crap was unecessary

When men felt like they had balls

when women felt like women

When kids felt like kids

When Republicans had brains


cc Lawrence Summers -head of Obama National Economic Council

Fat Malibu,CA Tourists Get Tickets for Exceeding 120 BMI

 we shoulda stayed in Dayton Martha
 No Porkers Allowed in The Park
In a first of it's kind local ordinance-Malibu has established a violation for being "Obese Within City Limits".

"We don't want fat tourists in Malibu and none of our full time residents has a Body Mass Index over 112"said Carl Smyth - Malibu's Sheriff."

He said; "If you are a porker it's gonna cost you $500 and ten dollars more for every pound of fat over the 120 BMI limit -so go somewhere else - try Dayton,Ohio -ha ha ha"

"Why did you establish this mean violation?" asked digibandit reporter Elise Mandelbaum?"

Smythe replied: "These folks look like shit and Malibu is perfect the way it is AND they have a huge Carbon imprint."

"We want slender gals like you Elise with big ta ta's!"

Monday, July 30, 2012

Islamic Rabid Chimpanzees With Hydrogen Bombs?


Muslim brothers,” said the government-appointed preacher, Sheik Eid Abdel Hamid Youssef, “God has inflicted the Muslim nation with a people whom God has become angry at and whom he cursed so he made monkeys and pigs out of them. They killed prophets and messengers and sowed corruption on Earth. They are the most evil on Earth.”


And these crazy morons who run Iran and their predecessors have felt this way about the Jews long before Israel existed!


It isn't about Palestine or Palestinians!


They hate the Jews -they hate themselves -they hate progress -they hate women -they hate Democracy - they hate art and literature and music!

They are a land full of miserable fucks - where some of the best jobs are killing each other in the name of Allah - where a violent death leads to the promise of an eternity fucking Virgins in Paradise -and now they want a Nuclear Capability -duh!


Just Imagine the Israelis living next door to these Neanderthals knowing that the first time they gain the military means to wipe them off the face of the Earth - they will attempt it!
And - then - an Israeli nuclear submarine in the Mediterranean will turn Gaza and the West Bank and Syria and Iran and Jordan and maybe the whole fucking Middle East into Chernoble!

So - we all better pray that they are successful in keeping their ongoing existential threats at a reasonable distance until the Arabs get their shit together - or it's the big KABOOM!

Because the Israelis won't go down easy!

Hamas is commited to the destruction of Israel! -They are totally supported by Iran and Syria -The Israelis cannot stand by and let them grow stronger and stronger.

These Chimpanzees are their next door neighbors - this is not about Israelis wantonly killing civilians - the Israelis revere life - not death.
This is about a tiny democratic country living among the most crazy and violent people on Earth - fighting for it's life!

Clocks are ticking

Sunday, July 29, 2012

" My God You're Alive" from Fox TV -" Make Believe" Death Reality Show


Mike Schlocknelll President of Fox TV announced a revolutionary new Reality program in which families will be informed that a close member of that family -- has died!
"Here's an example of how it worked -we have of course already shot thirteen episodes before the joke got around --haha " He continued; "The wife gets a phone call(from our producer) --so sorry Mrs. Crotchrot, this is the LA Medical Examiner's office and we have some terrible news for you --your husband Benjamin is dead! -- Be calm my dear -- he's with God at this very moment --no it won't be necessary for you to identify the remains because there are no remains --- now calm down Maa'm and let me explain. Your husband was identified from DNA samples in a tooth from the Great Whie Shark that ate him which we found washed up on the Malibu beach -- it was stuck in a piece of Mr. Crotchrot's skull. --oh please stop screaming --think of him with Jesus now--playing Golf. --Please stop crying -- okay so think of him with Moses and Abraham, playing Pinochle"

"Well you get the picture." he went on: " So we cover all the family trauma and do a bunch of backstories on the family and the deceased --we get the kids involved and the neighbors and the Clergy and the funeral is fabulous --we bring in some gospel r&b talent from "American Idol" (ooh Lordy Jesus ooh ooh uh uh) monkey music crapola -- or a Rabbi with a violin, or Matsinyahu (manishtinoye hazeh oye yoy yoy voy) the Hebey histrionics -- and the tears flow like Evian and people moan and cry and faint and throw themselves on the casket -- You know! -- the whole reality shtick that the moronic viewers eat up like shit candy."
"But"Mike continued; at least this program has a happy ending and a moral point of view -- when Mr.Crotchrot jumps out of the casket --not only is their wild relief (ah yes - dissapointment in some cases) -but it really demonstrates what's important in life in a clear and sobering fashion -- a real wake-up call! -- and -- it offers hope to folks who have been informed of sudden deaths in their families -- who can now hope and pray that thay will pop up at their funeral as part of a television hoax?
Our Reporter asked; "You think that justifies your faking someone's death --scaring loved ones out of their minds with grief -- the shock and trauma and long lasting impact on the children?" -- "Now just hold on right there Miss Gullible. There have only been two heart attacks and one stroke so far,and the children spend half their lives with digital baby sitters that make this show look like "Little House On The Prairie".

"And besides -- who gives a fuck -- it's Television --you don't like it --turn it the fuck off. "

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Ann Romney "Hiroshi Hoketsu can Ride ME like a Drissage Bitch Mare!"

Said Anne " He makes me wet just watching him in the Ring - i would blow him in the stable until he was too weak to ride -except to ride ME like a Drissage Mare AND if Mitty (endearing term for Mitt) didn't like it  -it's just tough titty -I would fuck Hiroshi with Mitt watching!


LONDON – The oldest competitor at the 2012 Olympic Games has revealed the extraordinary sacrifices he has made in order to remain a medal contender well past retirement age.
Hiroshi Hoketsu, who will represent Japan in the equestrian discipline of dressage at the age of 71, told Yahoo! Sports how chasing a slice of history and becoming the oldest Olympian in the last 92 years is the result of a fanatical commitment to the spo
"I have not seen my wife, Motoko, for more than a year," said Hoketsu, who lives and trains in the German town of Aachen in order to team up with his horse, Whisper, and his Dutch coach. "It is difficult to be away from home for this long as an old man and I owe everything to her patience and understanding.but even if i never got laid again i would rather fuck a snake than Anne Romney."

Hoketsu further responded to Anne Romney's comments saying; "I wouldn't fuck that Porker with Mitt's dick!"

King of Blood Spatterers' -Harvey Weinstein - is SOOOO Full of Shit


   From  deadline Hollywood   -Weinstein also said, “I think, as filmmakers, we should sit down – the Marty Scorseses, the Quentin Tarantinos, and hopefully all of us who deal in violence in movies – and discuss our role in that.” 
As a successful screenwriter pal of mine emailed about Harvey’s ‘summit’ call: “Wonderful. It’s going to take place at the corner of Hubris St. and Hypocrisy Blvd, in the city of Sanctimony, right near the Self-Righteous Cineplex.”

Here is Harvey's blood soaked filmography:

Escape From Planet Earth (2013)

Role: Executive Producer

The Amityville Horror: The Lost Tapes (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

Django Unchained (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

Piranha 3DD (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

Killing Them Softly (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

The Love We Make (2011)

Role: Actor

Butter (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

My Week With Marilyn (2011)

Role: Producer, Executive Producer

Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

I Don't Know How She Does It (2011)

Role: Producer, Executive Producer

Scream 4 (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

Spy Kids: All The Time in The World (2011)

Role: Executive Producer, Producer

Apollo 18 (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

W.E. (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

All Good Things (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

The Fighter (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

Piranha 3-D (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

The King's Speech (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

Crossing Over (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

Killshot (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

Nine (2009)

Role: Producer

Capitalism: A Love Story (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

Halloween 2 (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

The Longshots (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Elite Squad (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Soul Men (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

The Reader (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Hell Ride (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Alien Love Triangle (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Superhero Movie (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Rogue (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Rambo (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

The Last Legion (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Captain Mike Across America (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Awake (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Grindhouse (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

The Great Debaters (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Manufacturing Dissent (2007)

Role: Actor

The Mist (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Who's Your Caddy? (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Fanboys (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

1408 (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

The Nanny Diaries (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Halloween (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Sicko (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Scary Movie 4 (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

School for Scoundrels (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

Miss Potter (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

Breaking and Entering (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

Factory Girl (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

Clerks II (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

Pulse (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

Feast (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

An Unfinished Life (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

Proof (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

Cursed (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

Mindhunters (2005)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Sin City (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

The Great Raid (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

Curandero (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

Derailed (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

Venom (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

The Aviator (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Ella Enchanted (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Jersey Girl (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Finding Neverland (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Shall We Dance? (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Chestnut: Hero of Central Park (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Paperclips (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

My Boss's Daughter (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

My Baby's Daddy (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

Scary Movie 3 (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

Bad Santa (2003)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Cold Mountain (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

The Human Stain (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

Duplex (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

Dracula II: Ascension (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

Only the Strong Survive (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Equilibrium (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Heaven (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Below (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Gangs of New York (2002)

Role: Producer, Studio Executive

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Chicago (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Spy Kids (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

The Others (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

The Shipping News (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Iris (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Daddy & Them (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Kate & Leopold (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Waking Up in Reno (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Chocolat (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Love's Labour's Lost (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

The Yards (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

About Adam (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Committed (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Scream 3 (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Reindeer Games (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Scary Movie (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Down to You (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Bounce (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Highlander: Endgame (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Hellraiser 5: Inferno (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Malena (2000)

Role: Producer

Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000 (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Boys and Girls (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Backstage (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Impostor (2000)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Crow: Salvation (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Texas Rangers (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

In Too Deep (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

My Life So Far (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Outside Providence (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Guinevere (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

The Cider House Rules (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Holy Smoke (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

She's All That (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Music of the Heart (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Role: Producer

The Mighty (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Prophecy II: Ashtown (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Playing By Heart (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

The Faculty (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Wide Awake (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

B. Monkey (1998)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Little Voice (1998)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Heaven (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Ride (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Senseless (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

A Price Above Rubies (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Halloween: H2O (1998)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

54 (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Talk of Angels (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Rounders (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Phantoms (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

She's So Lovely (1997)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Wings of the Dove (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Addicted to Love (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Cop Land (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Burn, Hollywood, Burn (1997)

Role: Actor

Wishful Thinking (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre (1997)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Scream 2 (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Princess Mononoke (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Hav Plenty (1997)

Role: Special Thanks

Jackie Brown (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

I Love You, I Love You Not (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Air Bud (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Flirting With Disaster (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

The Pallbearer (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Beautiful Girls (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Cosi (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Scream (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Cannes Man (1996)

Role: Actor

The English Patient (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Last of the High Kings (1996)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Forgotten Silver (1996)

Role: Actor

Emma (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

A Month By the Lake (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

Smoke (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

Blue in the Face (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

The Journey of August King (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

The Crossing Guard (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

Victory (1995)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Roadflower (1994)

Role: Executive Producer

Mother's Boys (1994)

Role: Executive Producer

Ready to Wear (1994)

Role: Executive Producer

Restoration (1994)

Role: Co-Producer

Benefit of the Doubt (1993)

Role: Executive Producer

Into the West (1993)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Night We Never Met (1993)

Role: Executive Producer

True Romance (1993)

Role: Executive Producer

Dust Devil (1993)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Pope Must Diet (1991)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Miracle (1991)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

A Rage in Harlem (1991)

Role: Executive Producer

Crossing the Line (1990)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Lemon Sisters (1990)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Strike It Rich (1990)

Role: Executive Producer

Hardware (1990)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Scandal (1989)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Animal Behavior (1989)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Light Years (1988)

Role: Director

Playing for Keeps (1986)

Role: Director, Music Producer, Screenplay, Producer

Mansfield Park (1983)

Role: Executive Producer

The Burning (1981)

Role: Producer, From Story

White Rock (1977)

Role: Producer

President Clinton Documentary

Role: Co-Producer

Stories of Lost Souls

Role: Executive Producer

U Want Me 2 Kill Him?

Role: Executive Producer

August: Osage County

Role: Producer

Untouchable (Remake)

Role: Producer

Sin City 2

Role: Executive Producer

The Promotion

Role: Executive Producer

One Chance

Role: Executive Producer

The Kid Makes the Picture

Role: Actor