In a twist on the old adage, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight." -- Sheryl Manglelbush, head pollster for Gallup/USA said; "In our latest poll we asked Americans the following question:
"If you were in a bar with your wife or girlfriend and a big black man came up and grabbed her crotch from behind -- thumb in asshole and lifting her like a bowling bowl -- while holding a knife to her throat -- which of the top presidential candidates would you want to be in that bar and handle the situation?"
Herewith are the results of this extensive survey:
John Edwards -- would try to negotiate her release and fail due to a low money offer resulting in the death of the woman and extreme injury to the husband who he would represent in court and win ten million dollars in damages.
Barak Obama -- he would quote Plato - Maimonides and Martin Luther King and then shit his pants -- creating a diversion during which the woman would flee and the assailant escape.
Rudolph Giuliani -- he would shoot the assailant through the eye and the woman through the head killing them both instantly. This action and remedy resulted in a dominant first place showing among all men polled!
Mitt Romney -- he would quote "The Book Of Mormon" and then pee all over himself --resulting in confusion and the escape of the assailant after giving Mitt a giant hug and a kiss.
John Mc Caine -- he would fly into a rage and attack the assailant but due to his age and war injuries would have a seizure -- turn red -- and pass out. This would anger the attacker who would cut the woman's throat and be shot later by the police.
Hillary Clinton -- she would shoot the husband by mistake and the assailant would escape with the woman to a hotel room where he would sodomize and then release her. This action resulted in her dominating the polling among potential female voters by a huge margin -- but it cost her the male vote.
"The results predict that it will be Rudy against Hillary in 2008 -- and due to a strong possibility of another terrorist attack -- it will be Giuliani by ten percentage points," --said Ms. Manglebush.
