xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 04/01/2012 - 05/01/2012

Monday, April 30, 2012

Dildo App Orgasmically Outsells Masturbation App


Women are all 'Buzzing" and "Vibrating" - literally - with their "Dildo Android" 5g inserted -their Vagina Connected ear buds in place  - the selected Orgasm App  broadcasting erotic pre programmed erotic recordings from your real life partner(s) of choice  -  or Fantasy Celebrity -or any one of 69 different Customized or Set Erotic themes.

 9 differentVibration Settings (light show options) AND with  the Dildo Android inserted EVERY call is an exotic adventure as different voice decibels activate the phones Clit Sensor to vary the stimulation.

"This is looking bigger than The " Male Masturbation App" and we are looking at ways to combine both software packages -SO stand bye for more on that." said Dr Moishe Pipick senior engineer for Google Worldwide Erotic Programming."

OH and don't forget "Cumming and Going Don't Mix!"
                           so drive safely

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Hookers Claim Secret Service Agents Have Small Peckers

 Senora Marita Coochifrito - the Madame who supplied the whores to the Secret Service " horny ladrones" (horny thieves) - said today:

"My girls were all laughing so hard because these guys had such tiny pricks!  -"los peckers son los reducto" as we say."

She further stated; "You know in our country there is an old saying   " Los hombres con los guns nostromos Cienturio Anos los prickos  no con de mucho erectione el gusto los burritos y tacos pero blancos"

She said: "This basically means that we have found from over 100 years in studying these whore mongering males - that men who like guns and hunt and shoot:


"They have tiny pricks that shoot blanks!"


"They use guns to replace their manhood!"


BUT -all my girls love Obama - they think he is cute and by the way he walks they know he is hung like a Donkey!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Robin Williams To Play Mohammad Over Arab Skies

Steven Spielberg, addressing a group of leaders in the Entertainment industry summed up their mission and conference objective:

"We will use all our acquired skills in manipulating people to stare at TV and Computer and Game screens for over seventy hour a week --- to bring about world peace -- starting in Iraq!"

"Our first mission --using the illusionary magic skills of David Blackstone  - will be to project a life like image of the Prophet Mohammad in the skies over The Arab World, where he will proclaim to his followers that suicide bombing and the killing of innocents is absolutely prohibited by the Koran "


Mohammad will proclaim "there are sixteen hundred and fifty four Muslims who sit in boiling pig fat 24/7 -- who thought they would be boffing Virgins in Paradise? --   HEY - are you fucking nuts? -- Read my words! -- WHERE does it say you are too act like deranged and cruel slaughtering monkeys in the name of Allah?"

Spielberg , in closing said "Mohammad is really pissed and wer'e going to help him get the message out'' and as a matter of fact who else would the wise Prophet turn too in helping his people -- than the Jews in Hollywood (irony worthy of Woody Allen),

Casting for the Voice of Mohammad -- i vote for Robin Williams -- You?

Friday, April 27, 2012

Israel Putting Birth Control Agents In Some Arab Countries

Dr.Moishe Pipick. -- Minister of The Israeli Experimental Defense Agency -- responded to a leaked and classified initiative by his agency to stop the out of control birth rate in the Arab world:

"I will say this -- does the world need more suicide bombers? -- does the world need more illiterate and abused and brainwashed children? - Does the world need more children who will become dysfunctional; -- and become totally ignorant and angry and hopeless death worshiping adults? --Does the world need more people who will destroy civilization?

He continued; "They are breeding like rats - at a time when the civilized societies of the world are placing a higher priority on having fewer children -- but children with the potential to lead more enlightened and vital lives and to achieve some measure of clarity calm and comfort, self fulfillment and happiness."

"So -- yes - said Dr. Pipick - it is true!" He said; "We are putting a contraception chemical in the water supplies of some Arab countries -- and so now - when - they force their dirty Arab Muslim extremist schlongers into their screaming women -- and when they knock these pitifull enslaved wives to the ground -- rip off their Burkah's - and shtup their brains out -- they will be shooting blanks!"

Asked about world reaction to this arbitrary and questionable activity Dr. Pipick responded; "Look,these people are animals -- they have no respect for sensitive and caring parenting. They knock out children like bugs with no regard for their health, welfare or education --enormous growing populations of neglected children, and none of their leaders cry out against the sickening conditions:

And the Mullahs fill the youngsters with venom and hatred --they can't even read or write -- they memorize verses in the Koran they don't understand -- and by ten years old they are ready to don suicide belts -- zombies manufactured by evil priests who worship death -- it's right out of a horror movie -- except it's real!"

He went on;"And now that the cat is out of the bag you should know that while we are trying to control the human assembly line production of future Arab fanatics -- we are artificially enhancing the birth potential of our own people --and in an ironic twist -- the people's of northern Europe including Germany - through their lakes,rivers and reservoirs.

"We felt the world did not need any more French than is absolutely necessary and the UK is just fine the way it is.(we are also considering putting birth control agents in all the USA red states )

However -- i'm sure the world would agree with our plan to stop the explosive breeding in most African countries (if you want to stretch your imagination and call them countries) -- the problem is that their testosterone levels are so high it's very difficult --and their water is so polluted it weakens the birth control agent.

The world will be angry with Israel won't it retaliate?" --said the bandit Israeli bureau chief --Elise Mandelbaum.

Dr.Pipick replied; " Sure --but the world is always pissed off at the Jews anyway.- I ask the world -- do you want a bright future for your children -- or do you want Apocalypse Now and a remake of the Road Warrior -- for real?"

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

WorldWide "Coyote Arm" Gathering Draws Millions


Men -from around the world - who have chewed off their arm so as to not risk waking the "Beast" they found snuggled up next to them after a drunken night of partying - joined together in Basil Switzerland today -To celebrate their collegial honor and bravery -and to warn "Men Everywhere" of the potential consequences of "Drunken Passion".


Moishe Pipick - Leader of the UCAF (Universal Coyote Arm federation) - chosen for being the first man to chew off BOTH arms when he woke up with TWINS - who in his words. "Defied the theory of evolution" announced:

"Men who have lost an arm in the service of drunken passion - bear witness and testimony to our eternal weakness for "Drunken Pussy" and the price some of us must pay for the dignity of All men Everywhere!"

Mr. Pipick went on; "And while there has been an attempt by the women marching outside our gathering to establish a "Coyote Arm" organization of their own -we can see by the number of one armed women marching - that they have a limited following"

"And - we have it on good sources - that most of those one armed women were the victims of MEN who got their arms mixed up"

"And in conclusion" - said Pipick -"I am so proud to see the growing numbers of TWO ARM Coyote Men". -"It takes great courage to chew off both arms - And we salute them!"

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

"Secret Service are Pussy Hounds!" -says Obama


President Barack Obama  has lost confidence in Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan in a widening scandal over agents fucking prostitutes on the margins of an international summit in Cartagena, Colombia, the White House said Tuesday.
The president made clear "he believes that men working under such intense pressure have extra large libidos and need to get laid regularly -especially when on dangerous Foreign assignments"  White House spokesman JayCarney said.
"If in fact it turns out that the president feels a special group of Hookers should be developed for the Secret Service Pussy Hounds" Carney said, echoing Obama's own comments in Colombia.
Asked whether the Secret Service scandal and the controversy over the General Services Administration's lavish party on the taxpayer dime in Las Vegas threatened to erode further Americans' trust in their government, Carney said "Obama knows what it's like to be very horny due to prolonged absences from home and intense work pressure and thinks that a Hooker Squad might help Congress alleviate some anxt and to work together more productively"

Obama was quoted as saying; "The average lawmaker up on the Hill would fuck a snake! -I wouldn't fuck some of the women they fuck with THEIR dicks!  -BUT - HEY -you gotta be realistick and satisfy The Pussy Hounds - If not - they will fuck the people!"

Monday, April 23, 2012

Priests Should Be Castratted After Taking Vows


They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at "Club Vatican"

And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for fruit cakes who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.

And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims- lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less).

And if you think it's not business as usual in the " Now Johnny -God want's me to put my staff in your mouth and then in your bung hole -so be a good little Altar Boy" business - then you must be delusional!

You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Jessica Simpson walks into his bedroom naked.

So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queers into "Club Vatican."


Oh -and not to worry --God will keep their nuts safe until they get to Heaven.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sarah Palin Gets Roasted By Founding Fathers


So - An esteemed group of our Founding Fathers - have been up there in the great Eternal Cosmic Consciousness watching Sarah Palin's political exploits and now they are having their monthly dinner get together -and tonight's subject of conversation is Ms. Palin:

John Adams "This woman is a complete fucking moron! -am i right Ben?"

Benjamin Franklin "Fucking scariest shit imaginable -you know how much i love Democracy but this is what happens when you let ALL the ignorant assholes participate"

George Washington " I hate to mix in politics guys -as you know -but this woman hasn't got a fucking clue - she doesn't say anything but generalities -she's like a Populist Parrot - and ALL those great women leaders out there to compare her to -can't those rednecks see through her ignorant rantings and raving?"

Alexander Hamilton "Wow -that's a mouth full from you George - But hey guys -they let EVERYONE participate in the system now -and we know full well that roughly thirty percent of the population are fucking idiots -they just follow whoever makes them feel good about their preconceived notions -a babble rabble of monumental moronic proportions."

James Monroe "I'm with you guys on this one - she's done nothing - she gets her guidance from a Stone Age scripture - never says anything of any depth or perception -never demonstrates knowledge of the complicated issues of the day -has no depth or intellectual fiber or curiosity -she truly IS a fucking jerk!"

John Hancock "It's scary all right -but the timing is perfect for a schmuck like her with the unemployment and the deficit and that fucking Tea Party rabble -and a black president -and a Republican Party on life support culturally.

Thomas Jefferson " Look -it's simple -If John McCain didn't lend his gravitas to her she'd be home in Wasilla fucking Eskimos and shooting wolves -and the rednecks would never have discovered her -AND - You know McCain must have been screwing her - and she can probably suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!"

John Adams "Well Thomas we don't agree on much but i think you nailed it right on the head -we all knew when women got the vote that pussy would enter politics -and some jerks like Palin would create a stir -but so far most of the female leaders have been dogs who had to make it with their brains and knowledge and creative energy."

Thomas Jefferson 'So right John -but i have to say that Nancy Pelosi has brains and all that positive stuff - but boy would i like to play with her bodacious ta ta's"

George Washington "Jefferson -we all know you would fuck a snake!"

Jefferson "Ha ha ha George -BUT -i wouldn't fuck Sarah Palin even with those legs -She's gotta be a SMART snake!"

Washington  " You are right Tommy -Michelle Bachman gives me a boner BUT talk about stupid!"

Those Founding Fathers sure were amazing!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Google's "Dildo Android" With Orgasm Apps Outsells Maturbation AP

Women are all 'Buzzing" and "Vibrating" - literally - with their "Dildo Android" 5g inserted -their Vagina Connected ear buds in place  - the selected Orgasm App  broadcasting erotic pre programmed erotic recordings from your real life partner(s) of choice  -  or Fantasy Celebrity -or any one of 69 different Customized or Set Erotic themes.

 9 differentVibration Settings (light show options) AND with  the Dildo Android inserted EVERY call is an exotic adventure as different voice decibels activate the phones Clit Sensor to vary the stimulation.

"This is looking bigger than The " Male Masturbation App" and we are looking at ways to combine both software packages -SO stand bye for more on that." said Dr Moishe Pipick senior engineer for Google Worldwide Erotic Programming."

OH and don't forget "Cumming and Going Don't Mix!"
                           so drive safely

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Anne Romney Only Has Vagina In Common With..

99.9% of American women whether they work OR Stay at home -let alone most women who work AND raise their kids and manage their households with little or no help from their husbands.

Her husband is worth 400 million dollars!

Her kids have tutors and nannies and Chauffeurs and go to  safe schools in safe neighborhoods and exist in a totally pampered and privileged cocoon 24/7.

Her biggest concern is how to travel to their luxurious vacation homes and resorts without having to put up with their Dog INSIDE the car.


  1. (Ann Romney laughed while explaining that Seamus, the dog once owned by the Romney family, “loved” traveling on top of the family car.)

Oh -any of you own a $500,000 Drissage Horse?

Truth is -even her Vagina is different -it's gotta be from all those long soaks in bath oils and bubbles that cost more than your hubbie makes in a month - OH -and you know Mitty ain't goin down there so why does she care anyway.


Rick Sanitorum Says "God and jesus fucked Me!" And Can Go To Hell!

A confidential email from Rick Sanitorium has been leaked which shows he his not exactly happy with his good (ex) pal) God!

"God really fucked me over!" he emailed his top fund raiser the Reverend Brigham Newnuts at the Pac - "Lordy Lordy How The Lord Loves His Second Son Ricky."

The email went on; "God promised me i would be President - he told me that he would never allow a Moron -I mean Mormon to be President -especially after what he did to his Dog - and that he would never allow a (the N word) to be re -elected! -AND that i was his main man!."

Sanitorium went further:  "God has turned out to be a real asshole and i think Jesus was in on it because he thinks i hate Jews!"

The email concluded: 'Well fuck God! AND Jesus -They can both go straight to Hell!"

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


"Secret Service Are Pussy Hounds" says Obama


By Olivier Knox | The Ticket – 2 hrs 41 mins ago

President Barack Obama  has lost confidence in Secret Service Director Mark Sullivan in a widening scandal over agents fucking prostitutes on the margins of an international summit in Cartagena, Colombia, the White House said Tuesday.
The president made clear "he believes that men working under such intense pressure have extra large libidos and need to get laid regularly -especially when on dangerous Foreign assignments"  White House spokesman JayCarney said.
"If in fact it turns out that the president feels a special group of Hookers should be developed for the Secret Service Pussy Hounds" Carney said, echoing Obama's own comments in Colombia.
Asked whether the Secret Service scandal and the controversy over the General Services Administration's lavish party on the taxpayer dime in Las Vegas threatened to erode further Americans' trust in their government, Carney said "Obama knows what it's like to be very horny due to prolonged absences from home and intense work pressure and thinks that a Hooker Squad might help Congress alleviate some anxt and to work together more productively"

Obama was quoted as saying; "The average lawmaker up on the Hill would fuck a snake! -I wouldn't fuck some of the women they fuck with THEIR dicks!  -BUT - HEY -you gotta be realistick and satisfy The Pussy Hounds - If not - they will fuck the people!"

New Drug Cannot Restore Depressed fFemale Sex Drive.


Ever since Viagra met blockbuster success in 1998, the drug industry has sought a similar pill for women.

An image on the Boehringer Web site about depressed sexual desire.
David Goldman/AP Images for Society for Women's Health Research
Dr. Laura Berman, left, a sex therapist, with Lisa Rinna.

Readers' Comments

Readers shared their thoughts on this article.
Now, a German drug giant says it has stumbled upon such a pill and is trying to persuade the Food and Drug Administrationthat its drug can help restore a depressed female sex drive. The effort has set off a debate over what constitutes a normal range of sexual desire among women, with critics saying the company is trying to turn a low libido into a medical pathology


Dr. Moishe Pipick, a psychologist and professor at New York University who has researched the topic of female sexual desire for more than a decade and plans to testify to the F.D.A. panel on Friday, said Boehringer had gone too far with its publicity effort.
“Women’s sex lives are often a struggle, a disappointment, an archipelago of regret,” he said. “Is there a small group of women who could benefit from medical intervention — probably.”
But he said that if the drug were approved, he worried that “the much larger group of women without any medical reason for their sexual distress -but who are married to fat ugly ignorant redneck men and devout Christians - will inevitably be misinformed and misled into thinking that there is a pill that can get them the sex life they read about, the one they think everyone else is having.”

Dr. Pipick went on:"While many experts say that unlike sexual dysfunction in men — which has an obvious physical component —sexual problems in women are much harder to diagnose. And among doctors and researchers, there is serious medical debate over whether female sexual problems are treatable with drugs. Some doctors advocate psychotherapy or counseling, while others have prescribed hormonal drugs approved for other uses."

Pipick stated: :There is also debate over how widespread hypoactive sexual desire disorder actually is among women. -But in my forty years of analyzing what i call "Frigid Women":
:The solution is for them to find a successful Jewish man and have some Chinese take out -and two or three martinis -and watch some porno -and eat some dark chocolate 

Monday, April 16, 2012

Google Fantasy Maturbation App Cuts Into Porno and Apple


Since the announcement(below) and subsequent sales of over $7 Billion Worldwide (bigger than the IPhone and Tablet combined) the National Association of Porno Retailers (NAPR) has reported an industry decline of 32% "Folks are just staying at home and getting off on their Masturbation Apps" said Myron Cohen NAPR President - AND  Dr Pipick the app creatorannounced: "Hey it's understandable - i had sex with three dwarfs and Cameron Diaz last night and never left my office couch and the orgasms were unbelievable!"



Google Announces Fantasy Masturbation App

Dr.Moishe Pipick -the mastermind of Google Apps and head of development for the recently established Google Division 'Google Sexual Stimulation Apps Worldwide' announced today at their headquarters in Berne,Switzerland:

"The Fantasy Masturbation App is going to become the hottest App in the industry! - It allows users to select from a menu of sexually stimulating visions which appear on the screen -with music from your personal library and provides the option for accompanying "Hot talk" personalized to your pre programmed input about what turns you on AND it has an orgasm button that activates the accompaniment of orgasmic cries at exactly the moment you desire"

Dr. Pipick went on; "The app is linked to Facebook and Twitter for easy sharing of the experience AND a special You Tube Google App Masturbation Channel will allow users to share the whole experience visually (Parental approval required for those under 9 years of age) -OH and of course the fantasy options menu will include homo's and every trans gender imagineable - (Options for Beastiality and Pedophile Priests are currently on hold and under review)"

"In conclusion" Pipick stated "And in these tough times horny folks of all ages will be able to stay right in their easy chair and have the time of their life - For under five bucks they can have a TOTALLY fulfilling sexual experience AND no bullshit pre coital chat AND it doesn't matter how fat and ugly and poor they are AND your App Date dissapears when you press "THE END" (unless you sign on for the post sex pillow talk option)"

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Japanese Woman Gives Birth To Giant Crab

Shokei Matsanato had a rough delivery today giving birth to a ten pound Sea Crab!

Her Obstetrician Dr Moishe Pipick said: "The Claws were huge and kept getting tangled in her placenta"

Mr. Matsanato the proud Crab's father said: "Surely this is a sign of Global Warning and the Nuclear disaster BUT he is a very cute crab and we will love him like our other children."

The Matsanato's are distant cousins of the Woman who gave birth to a Giant Squid five years ago in a tiny seaside village in Shitzu 100 miles from Tokyo and biologists are looking for some genetic connection to the two births.

They have decided to name their baby Irving.

Study Shows Most American Kids Should be Outsourced to China or India


Dr. Moishe Pipick - Lead investigator for The National Commission on Parenting in America -- announced today:  "After five years of studying the methods and efficacy of parenting in the United States --we have concluded that our children would be much better off being raised in Foreign countries --especially China and India."

American children are not being raised like human children -- they are being raised like cattle being led to the slaughter. And without global competitive skills that's exactly what it will be --economic slaughter !

He continued: " Most parents have absolutely zero knowledge of their children's developmental needs and requirements -- God forbid they should read and study a little bit about what should be their number one priority --to give their kid's a shot at maximizing their potential ."

" Crappy and constant television (fifty hours per week) -- computer social networking -- violent video games -- shopping and stuffing their faces and celebrity worship ." He went on; "The parents act like jerks not parents -- minimal participation -- minimal deliberation and books are on the verge of distinction as is thoughtful interaction ."

Of course, he said; ''Many,primarily upper income and well educated parents are taking care of "business." -- their well educated and well directed and well connected kids will move right on up the ladders of prosperity and fulfillment. --and, sure, many struggling Parents are sacrificing to do the right thing for their kids,both spiritually and intellectually -- but they are in the minority. Just look at drop-out rates and national reading and math scores --it's horrifying -- how in the hell do the parents of these children think they will wind up in a globally competitive and highly specialized world economy. "

"We believe, based on this comprehensive study" he said;  "That the best solution is to take parenting responsibility away from these ignorant and uncaring and basically dysfunctional parents and 'Outsource' their parental supervision and guidance. -- You don't see many Chinese and Indian parents,even the poor ones, who don't take their child rearing responsibilities very seriously -- and it's not about money -- it's about developing character and intellect and a sense of worth and purpose -- they believe that the essential skill sets will flow from that kind of priority nurturing -- as they inevitably do!"

The study also showed that children raised in Jewish homes were the happiest and most likely to succeed, followed by rich Wasps. Most children raised in very religious Christian households ,along with poor Blacks and Hispanics  would be better off raised in Chinese or Indian families.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Virginia Tech Killer and Most NRA Members Have Tiny Penis'


Cho Seung Hui, the "Mad Gook Killer Of Virginia Tech," fit the physical profile of the average NRA member said Shitburg,Virginia County coroner Mel Dungy."This gook had a very small penis and women were known to say to him during sex" -- "Oh please --not your finger -- use your penis."

Moishe Pipick, head of psychiatry at the Einstein Institute for Sexual Disturbances said; This is what probably drove him to madness and i think all hunters and handgun owners should be given psychiatric tests; and those "Gunners" (as we refer to them clinically), with penis' under the average of three inches for NRA members should have a warning symbol tatood on their thumbs and scrotums.

For years psychiatrists and psychologists and cognitive neurologists have tried to understand how human males can enjoy destroying wildlife."Blasting away at beautiful creatures -- and enjoying the subsequent pain and destruction of sentient creatures for no absolute necessity, has always baffled us,"said Mathew Pinkowitz,national director of Research into Morons (or RIM).RIM has now conclusively documented that animal killers are driven to compensate for a lack of complete manhood.

He concluded,"Unfortunately, there are a high percentage of "Gunners" among members of congress -- even among the female members -- who our studies indicate have huge amounts of testosterone which results in very hairy pussies -- almost like tumbleweeds, and with huge holes!Hence they don't have normal sex lives --especially since they are attracted to other "Gunners" -- and the combo of small cocks and giant hairy pussies becomes deadly in psychiatric terms."

Friday, April 13, 2012

Founding Fathers Discuss Sarah Palin

 Just a reminder for ya all:

So - An esteemed group of our Founding Fathers - have been up there in the great Eternal Cosmic Consciousness watching Sarah Palin's political exploits and now they are having their monthly dinner get together -and tonight's subject of conversation is Ms. Palin:

John Adams "This woman is a complete fucking moron! -am i right Ben?"

Benjamin Franklin "Fucking scariest shit imaginable -you know how much i love Democracy but this is what happens when you let ALL the ignorant assholes participate"

George Washington " I hate to mix in politics guys -as you know -but this woman hasn't got a fucking clue - she doesn't say anything but generalities -she's like a Populist Parrot - and ALL those great women leaders out there to compare her to -can't those rednecks see through her ignorant rantings and raving?"

Alexander Hamilton "Wow -that's a mouth full from you George - But hey guys -they let EVERYONE participate in the system now -and we know full well that roughly thirty percent of the population are fucking idiots -they just follow whoever makes them feel good about their preconceived notions -a babble rabble of monumental moronic proportions."

James Monroe "I'm with you guys on this one - she's done nothing - she gets her guidance from a Stone Age scripture - never says anything of any depth or perception -never demonstrates knowledge of the complicated issues of the day -has no depth or intellectual fiber or curiosity -she truly IS a fucking jerk!"

John Hancock "It's scary all right -but the timing is perfect for a schmuck like her with the unemployment and the deficit and that fucking Tea Party rabble -and a black president -and a Republican Party on life support culturally.

Thomas Jefferson " Look -it's simple -If John McCain didn't lend his gravitas to her she'd be home in Wasilla fucking Eskimos and shooting wolves -and the rednecks would never have discovered her -AND - You know McCain must have been screwing her - and she can probably suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!"

John Adams "Well Thomas we don't agree on much but i think you nailed it right on the head -we all knew when women got the vote that pussy would enter politics -and some jerks like Palin would create a stir -but so far most of the female leaders have been dogs who had to make it with their brains and knowledge and creative energy."

Thomas Jefferson 'So right John -but i have to say that Nancy Pelosi has brains and all that positive stuff - but boy would i like to play with her bodacious ta ta's"

George Washington "Jefferson -we all know you would fuck a snake!"

Jefferson "Ha ha ha George -BUT -i wouldn't fuck Sarah Palin even with those legs -She's gotta be a smart snake!"

Those Founding Fathers sure were amazing!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

NRA Seeks Approval For Home Rocket Launchers

NRA President David ( ambush dave) Keene has fired up (oops) his membership with the goal of getting congressional approval for private Rocket launcher ownership  -he said:

"We Gun Owners are empowered by the constitution to  form  armed militias BUT back during the Revolution you  only had to protect yourself from muzzle loading muskets and some cannon - BUT NOW - if some gang banger comes at us with an Uzi in an armor plated SUV -or The Government rolls in - or the Illegals or Jews throws armored vehicles against us:

"We need heavy firepower to protect our loved ones -AND I'm not asking for private air or naval neighborhood defenses (yet ha ha) BUT-We sure as shit need some Rocket Launchers! AND some mobile field artillery."

He concluded: "So let your pinko gun hating representatives know that they will face a tsunami of NRAPAC moola comin at em if they fuck with us on this one - and next year we are going forward with our plan to put a 50 caliber machine gun in every Church Tower in America with all white congregations."

"Stay alert!"

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Fox Announces "Are Black Teenagers Smarter Than a Chink Three Year Old


Mike (the midget) Darnell head of Fox TV programming has announced a follow up show to it's hugely successful "Are You Smarter Than A Five Year Old?"

"Are Black Teens Smarter Than Chink Babies?" follows on the heels of a new report from The National Education Institute which revealed that the math and reading skills of black American teenagers is at the Chinese pre- school level." 

Doctor Moishe Pipick of the NEI said : "Chinese babies are significantly smarter than American teenagers and gaining rapidly on American adults --especially minorities." He went on,"American's are fast losing their ability to reason.Only ten percent read books or thoughtful periodicals or even engage in meaningful dialogue -- there lives are like a shitty sitcom."

He continued; "Our study shows conclusively that within ten years --black teenagers will be less intelligent than the grey parrot and that the average American's problem solving ability will be at the level of a three year old Chinese -- or five year old Indian child."

Dr Pipick concluded: "The only exception was among Jewish kids who are smarter than The Chinks and tied with Gooks and Dotheads"

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Fox Anounces "Good Protestant Sluts" to Combat "GCB" on ABC

Well the different Christian Tribes are going after each other once again BUT this time instead of burning and looting and slaughtering each other by the hundreds of thousands in their villages they are doing it on a much larger cultural scale - attacking each other in the prime time television ratings - AND  what's next is anyone's guess but one things for sure:

It's great for the Jews and Muslims and ALL folks of color who will now get to laugh at CHRISTIAN stereotypes.

Rabbi Moishe Pipick leader of the World Jewish Council said today from his home in Jerusalem; "It's great to see the TV networks finally include the Goyim in their list of cultural caricatures that are fair game for satire and ironic comedy and it reflects the diminishing power of the Church to stifle free artistic expression regarding their phony - "holier than though" zeitgeist.

He went on: "lets face it -most of those holy rollers are just a bunch of  sexually repressed drunks."

Elise Mandelbaum  -Digibandit Hollywood Bureau Chief  -asked Rabbi Pipick; "Well - how would you like it if Fox announced "Good Jewish BallBreaking Wives"

 Dr. Pipick responded;  ""ha ha ha  - i only hope they leave off "Good" and make it "GREAT!"

"And that they audition my wife!"


Monday, April 09, 2012

What Do Fundamentalists Love?

Art and history?  -no!  -Science and Biology and Chemistry -huh?  - Music and Poetry? - Dance? Comedy? Satire?  -Literature? Philosophy?   -ALL NO!  - Sex??? alternative life styles? Gotta be kidding- all repugnant to these American Christian Koranic Bible Belters. The old as men Preacher/Mullah male narcissistic-my way or the highway - lifeless zestless narrow anti science anti nature brainwashed intolerant repressed repressive angry male dominated fascist mind smothering hypocritical eternity junkies way of -The Religious Zealots and their brainwashed intellectually challenged sheep flock followers

 They LOVE LOVE GUNS!  - love tribal conflict - love love Punishment -LOVE a vengeful and impotent God (their mirror image) - Hate illegals and blacks and queers and newcomers and the Devil hisself - Love to drink and be fat - love to be mean - and hate and or deny and condemn almost everything that makes a normal human being want to get out of bed on a rainy Monday morning.

But -there IS hope as Mullah Sanitorium and that left over ilke/remnant of America's past slowly dissolve into the ooze of political irrelevence.

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Jesus Spends ANOTHER Easter with Anna Nicole Smith


Jesus who has not returned to heaven since his fling with Anna Nicole Smith,after her death from electrical shock due to a short in her powerful vibrator; and who has been seen partying with a variety of hot chicks,both dead and alive -- has decided to ignore his Father's demands to return to Heaven on the anniversary of his resurrection.

Jesus said,"I'm more interested in erection than resurrection right now!" He was overheard talking with a bartender in Malibu; " I was cooped up with God for so long without any pussy that i just went nuts -- when Anna died i decided to jump her,and now all i can think about is making up for lost time -- the simple truth is that Jesus is a party animal!"

"I plan on spending Easter with Anna and Marilyn Monroe and maybe Angie Dickinson and maybe Paris Hilton --the great thing about being Jesus is that i get to fuck all the pussy i want --dead or alive."

He concluded,"Anyway ,it's gonna be a great Easter -- as Anna always says -- "Jesus, you give new meaning to bringing back the dead ." -- And as for my Father -- if he didn't hog all the pussy for himself and his disciples -- i wouldn't have turned into a wild cunt man."

Saturday, April 07, 2012

NRA Calls For Arming White Students Only


Facing increased pressure for tougher gun control laws in the United States following the recent spates of slaughter ; David Keene -- President of the National Rifle Association said today,"If those (white only) students had been armed those creeps might have got off one or two rounds before they were blasted to Hell!"

He continued;"Every High School and College classroom should have a white student monitor with an automatic weapon -- white teachers should have twelve gauge shotguns loaded with buckshot at the ready:and all white students should be carrying a nine millimeter Glock with an extended clip of ammo."

Also he said; "There should be a flame thrower -- a fifty caliber machine gun and fragmentation grenades stored on every floor in case of a major assault -- just to hold em off until the troops arrive."

"Every school should have a practice firing range and all non white students should be strip searched before entering the school grounds." said the President of the most powerful gun lobby in the world.

Romney and Sanitorium,both strong supporters of the NRA, endorsed their proposals with the exception that blacks and hispanics could carry knives -- but no weapons for Asians or Moslems or Jews would be allowed. (retarded white kids and white dwarfs would be considered on an individual basis).

And what would you expect from an organization that traces it's roots to the Klu Klux Clan?

Friday, April 06, 2012

Fox Unreal TV Launches With Six Killer Series

New original series from new "Fox Unreal TV Channel":
  • : Christians Gone Bad serves up stories of former devoted Fundamentalists who become Hasidic Jews and kill and torture Altar boys.
  • 'Til Death Do Polacks Part explores stories of  Polish divorce that end in murder led by psychotherapist and relationship expert, Dr. Hanns  Chryszxlmnsnsky and forensic psychologist and attorney, Dr.Igor Moronowsky .
  • Wives With Knives showcases stories of women who fought back and cut of the dicks and balls of their husbands - motivated by years of abuse or by greed and jealousy.
  • Pretty Bad Amish Girls is a true-crime series profiling sexy female Amish woman who cheat, steal and kill and have sex with barn animals.
  • Cold Venereal Disease Cases  delves into unsolved homicide cases caused by venereal disease as they are reopened.
  • Dangerous Hasidick Jews (wt) relates true tales of religious Jews who were manipulated into committing horrible sex crimes by shiksas.
  • Who The Fuck Is That...  is a spin-off of the network's series Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?  with this new series going deeper into relationships between friends, co-workers, family members and more telling the truth about people leading double lives and killing and eating their neighbors and children.
  • Homo Murder In Paradise  follows the stories of happy homo couples whose vacations in paradise end in violence and then Homo lynchings by the locals. 

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Oprah offers new Game Show 'Are You Totally FUpp America"


ARE YOU Totally F Upped, AMERICA? From Harpo Studios comes the new game show “Are You Fucked Up, America?,” hosted by veteran TV producer Barry Poznick (“Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader”) and comedienne/actress Kim Coles (“Living Single”).  
Have you ever peeked at your boyfriend’s emails? Or done your household chores naked? Do you and your spouse sleep in separate bedrooms? Do you fart when you reach orgasm?Do you talk to your Dildo? Do you fantasize about sex with your Dog? Do you hate your husband's Dick shape?  Do you hate your wife's bushy bush? Is oral sex standing up your thing? Is anal sex preferrable to primary hole entry?
This lively game show will answer burning questions by using a highly scientific and deeply revealing poll, in addition to a “jury” of real Americans, man-on-the-street polling, real life situations shot in the field, and in-studio demonstrations.  Each episode will feature contestants who will win big money in their quest to learn if they’re fucked up or not.  Produced by Harpo Studios with Zoo Productions. Executive producers are Jill Van Lokeren and Jon Sinclair from Harpo Studios, as well as Barry Poznick and John Stevens from Zoo Productions (producers of “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” and his latest production:
"Is a Black Teenager Smarter Than an African Grey Parrot?" -Coming soon from Fox Tv.

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Top 100 Celebrities Who Will Have Oral and/or Anal Sex on Easter

1. Tom Cruise
2. Rolling Stones
3. Oprah Winfrey
4. U2
5. Tiger Woods
6. Steven Spielberg
7. Howard Stern
8. 50 Cent
9. Cast of The Sopranos
10. Dan Brown
11. Bruce Springsteen
12. Donald Trump
13. Muhammad Ali
14. Paul McCartney
15. George Lucas
16. Elton John
17. David Letterman
18. Phil Mickelson
19. J.K. Rowling
20. Brad Pitt
21. Peter Jackson
22. Dr. Phil McGraw
23. Jay Leno
24. Celine Dion
25. Kobe Bryant
26. Michael Jordan
27. Johnny Depp
28. Jerry Seinfeld
29. Simon Cowell
30. Michael Schumacher
31. Tom Hanks
32. Rush Limbaugh
33. Denzel Washington
34. Cast of Desperate
Housewives

35. Jennifer Aniston
35. Angelina Jolie
37. The Olsen Twins
38. Nicole Kidman
39. The Eagles
40. Rod Stewart
41. Shaquille O'Neal
42. Jerry Bruckheimer
43. David Beckham
44. Jessica Simpson
45. Andrew Lloyd Webber
46. LeBron James
47. Neil Diamond
48. Alex Rodriguez
49. Will Smith
50. Dick Wolf
51. Dave Matthews Band
52. Tom Brady
53. Ronaldinho
54. Jodie Foster
55. Ray Romano
56. Paris Hilton
57. Adam Sandler
58. Derek Jeter
59. Jennifer Lopez
60. Rick Warren
61. Scarlett Johansson
62. Katie Couric
63. Maria Sharapova
64. Valentino Rossi
65. Halle Berry
66. James Patterson
67. Leonardo DiCaprio
68. Kiefer Sutherland
69. Jim Carrey
70. Cameron Diaz
71. Gisele Bundchen
72. Renee Zellweger
73. Carson Palmer
74. Michelle Wie
75. Reese Witherspoon
76. Bill O'Reilly
77. Kate Moss
78. Diane Sawyer
79. Sean (Diddy) Combs
80. John Grisham
81. Rachael Ray
82. Dave Chappelle
83. Larry the Cable Guy
84. Tyra Banks
85. George Lopez
86. Regis Philbin
87. Serena Williams
88. Ryan Seacrest
89. Wolfgang Puck
90. Venus Williams
91. Annika Sorenstam
92. Matthew Broderick/
Nathan Lane

93. Mel Brooks
94. Emeril Lagasse
95. Nicole Richie
96. Heidi Klum
97. Mario Batali
98. Eric Idle/
Mike Nichols

99. Adriana Lima
100. Ty Pennington