xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: Apr 15, 2012

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Japanese Woman Gives Birth To Giant Crab

Shokei Matsanato had a rough delivery today giving birth to a ten pound Sea Crab!

Her Obstetrician Dr Moishe Pipick said: "The Claws were huge and kept getting tangled in her placenta"

Mr. Matsanato the proud Crab's father said: "Surely this is a sign of Global Warning and the Nuclear disaster BUT he is a very cute crab and we will love him like our other children."

The Matsanato's are distant cousins of the Woman who gave birth to a Giant Squid five years ago in a tiny seaside village in Shitzu 100 miles from Tokyo and biologists are looking for some genetic connection to the two births.

They have decided to name their baby Irving.

Study Shows Most American Kids Should be Outsourced to China or India


Dr. Moishe Pipick - Lead investigator for The National Commission on Parenting in America -- announced today:  "After five years of studying the methods and efficacy of parenting in the United States --we have concluded that our children would be much better off being raised in Foreign countries --especially China and India."

American children are not being raised like human children -- they are being raised like cattle being led to the slaughter. And without global competitive skills that's exactly what it will be --economic slaughter !

He continued: " Most parents have absolutely zero knowledge of their children's developmental needs and requirements -- God forbid they should read and study a little bit about what should be their number one priority --to give their kid's a shot at maximizing their potential ."

" Crappy and constant television (fifty hours per week) -- computer social networking -- violent video games -- shopping and stuffing their faces and celebrity worship ." He went on; "The parents act like jerks not parents -- minimal participation -- minimal deliberation and books are on the verge of distinction as is thoughtful interaction ."

Of course, he said; ''Many,primarily upper income and well educated parents are taking care of "business." -- their well educated and well directed and well connected kids will move right on up the ladders of prosperity and fulfillment. --and, sure, many struggling Parents are sacrificing to do the right thing for their kids,both spiritually and intellectually -- but they are in the minority. Just look at drop-out rates and national reading and math scores --it's horrifying -- how in the hell do the parents of these children think they will wind up in a globally competitive and highly specialized world economy. "

"We believe, based on this comprehensive study" he said;  "That the best solution is to take parenting responsibility away from these ignorant and uncaring and basically dysfunctional parents and 'Outsource' their parental supervision and guidance. -- You don't see many Chinese and Indian parents,even the poor ones, who don't take their child rearing responsibilities very seriously -- and it's not about money -- it's about developing character and intellect and a sense of worth and purpose -- they believe that the essential skill sets will flow from that kind of priority nurturing -- as they inevitably do!"

The study also showed that children raised in Jewish homes were the happiest and most likely to succeed, followed by rich Wasps. Most children raised in very religious Christian households ,along with poor Blacks and Hispanics  would be better off raised in Chinese or Indian families.