xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Brad Pitt to have his Balls removed in Support of Angela

Brad Pitt held a press conference in Hollywood today and announced his support for Angela Jolie having more of her organs removed.
He stated; "I love my wife with or without her tits or her ovaries!"
He said:"To prove my undying love for Angela i have scheduled surgery at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Beverly Hills to have my balls and prostate removed!"
He went on; "I am not recommending that my friends and colleagues take such drastic actions in support of me and i urge Sean Penn and Russell Crowe who i respect and love to not continue with their plans to also undergo castration in support of me and Angela!"
He concluded; "Angela is -as you can imagine -concerned about what the loss of my nuts will do to our sex life BUT i have assured her there are viable alternatives to that predicament!"

Monday, March 02, 2015

Confessions to Gay Priests Don't Count says Pope Francis

In an amazing revelation from His Eminence in the Vatican today; The Pope asserted during an interview with the Catholic Times Magazine, that Catholics who gave their confessions to Homo Priests would not be absolved from their sins -- he stated; 

"Priests who have been found outa to be queers have no standing with Goda, and any absolutions whicha they gave --are null and voida!"

Catholic Times Vatican reporter, Faba Nugatzi asked the Pope; "But your emminence, these Catholic members of your flock had no way of knowing that they were confessing to homo's - and if their sins are serious and not forgiven -- they will go to Hell?"

"Atsa tough titty!", replied the Pope. "Do you thinka God isa gonna accept the Confession from a Priest who just gota finished sticking hisa tinga into some young Altar boy?"

The reporter replied, "But your Holiness, i was talking to a man who confessed that he had sodomized and tortured his three year old son while he was under the influence of pain killers and alcohol due to post traumatic stress syndrome from serving in Iraq - as a life long Catholic he lived in constant fear of going to Hell prior to his confession. - SO NOW - What will he do when he hears your announcement that he will not be absolved from his venal sins?"

The Pope answered,"Well he is justa gonna have to commit his sins all over again and finda, if he can, a non homo Priest -- and confess all over again, and then he will hava fresh starta with Goda."

"But Your Emminence --that makes no sense! -- it's cruel and an abomination of Christ's Gospel."

The Pope concluded, "Well thatsa the Churcha for you – adiosa!"



Pope Francis Will Be Sodomized To Protest Child Rape By Priests

In a shocking revelation the Pope has announced that he will allow himself to be sodomized by a Priest to protest what he called:

"A catholic clergy that is overrun with priests who enjoy fucking children!"
He went on; "and any priest at whatever level of authority that is implicit in this crime of all crimes will be sodomized and castrated -henceforth"

Confessions to Gay Priests Don't Count says Pope Francis

 In an amazing revelation from His Eminence in the Vatican today; The Pope asserted during an interview with the Catholic Times Magazine, that Catholics who gave their confessions to Homo Priests would not be absolved from their sins -- he stated; 


"Priests who have been found outa to be queers have no standing with Goda, and any absolutions whicha they gave --are null and voida!"

Catholic Times Vatican reporter, Faba Nugatzi asked the Pope; "But your emminence, these Catholic members of your flock had no way of knowing that they were confessing to homo's - and if their sins are serious and not forgiven -- they will go to Hell?"

"Atsa tough titty!", replied the Pope. "Do you thinka God isa gonna accept the Confession from a Priest who just gota finished sticking hisa tinga into some young Altar boy?"

The reporter replied, "But your Holiness, i was talking to a man who confessed that he had sodomized and tortured his three year old son while he was under the influence of pain killers and alcohol due to post traumatic stress syndrome from serving in Iraq - as a life long Catholic he lived in constant fear of going to Hell prior to his confession. - SO NOW - What will he do when he hears your announcement that he will not be absolved from his venal sins?"

The Pope answered,"Well he is justa gonna have to commit his sins all over again and finda, if he can, a non homo Priest -- and confess all over again, and then he will hava fresh starta with Goda."

"But Your Emminence --that makes no sense! -- it's cruel and an abomination of Christ's Gospel."

The Pope concluded, "Well thatsa the Churcha for you – adiosa!"



Paula Deen's New BBQ Sauce Line --"Nigga Hot Lips" - from The Queen of Southern Racist Cooking

The Queen of Southern racism in the kitchen announced today:

"Nigga Hot Lips" is so tasty and hot every Big Lipped Nigga in the world will be begging for more of my new "Big Lipped Nigga Hot " Recipes!" AND my new "Big Lipped Nigga"  HotCookbook!"

AND
"Them Jews at The Food Network will be beggin me to come back!"
 
Moishe Pipick VP programming at The Food Network responded:
'Paula Deen is a Racist Redneck Southern Cracker and she can go stick her nigga lip sauce in her fat crotch!"

Rush Limbaugh Says Drinking Age Should be 35 – Early Drinking Ruined His life!


He told Fox news today while visiting the Koch Brothers at Their Ranch in Aspen Colorado: - “If I had not started drinking at 18 I would not be sitting here around the pool with my best pals the Koch Brothers and getting drunk and high out of my Gourd on Oxycotin with four Russian Hookers!”

“These libtards are so fcking permissive with their liberal spawn that they can get away with anything!” He said.

Martha Moronowitz of Fox news asked a deeply insightful question; “ Like what?”

“Well Moron?” - “That's Moronowitz not Moron said Moronowitz.” - “Well Moronowitz said Limbaugh: - “LIKE premarital sex – masturbation -dating and hanging out with homos and lesbo's or whateverbo's and interacial dating and them Mexis - OH and of course Jews!”

“Anything else?” Asked Moronowitz and Limbaugh replied in a drunken high fury!”


“Fcking A!” “If it weren't for drinking atan early age and then adopting a fcked up lifestyle do you think I would have slept with Anne Coulter and Sarah Palin while partying in Las Vegas and wound up with the worst case of Syphilus my Dick Doctor ever saw???”