xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: Sep 13, 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008

American's Will Soon Start Selling Their Children - Say's New Study

“When people view themselves as doing worse financially, then that motivates them to purchase lottery tickets,” said Dr. Moishe Pipick, a postdoctoral associate at the Yale School of Management who in July published a research paper on lotteries in The Journal of Behavioral Decision Making.

"People are getting desperate! - This lottery thing is a sure sign!" - said Pipick.
“People look to the lottery to get back to where they were financially.”
“With lottery sales at record setting sales levels – and financially strapped folks spending their kids food money to win state lotteries with astronomically ridiculous odds:

It is now only a matter of time before they will start selling their children.”
Dr. Pipick continued; “I mean – there is a better chance that Paris Hilton will crawl into some fat greasy redneck’s trailer and give him a blow job - than winning the ‘Lollapalooza Twenty Thousand Jackpot Ticket’ -- from the local market”

“I mean - his porky wife has a better chance of Antonio Banderas jumping her in the Walmart parking lot - than winning at one of these ridiculous marketing scams.”

“And - his redneck kids have a better chance – statistically - of getting into Harvard – or winning a Nobel Prize - than winning the ‘Fifty Thousand Dollar Jesus Loves You’ scratch off - at the local Stuckeys.”

“This indicates total FINANCIAL desperation on the part of many Americans!”
Pipick went on; “There is a huge market in the selling of children in all of the third world countries - and a lot of folks in The United States feel just as desperate about not being able to feed their shopping frenzies - to buy some gas or beer – or some other cheap shit, - as starving folks in Calcutta do about getting a tiny bowl of rice.”

“Hey” – he concluded – “I might just buy a lottery ticket to win a blow job from Paris Hilton?”