xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008

Friday, May 30, 2008

People Who Kill Wolves Would Kill a Jew -No Problem

Sadly, in Idaho, wolves are nothing more than another game animal to be managed for the benefit of human hunters.

Beginning on Sept. 15, any Idaho hunter with a hunting license and $10.50 for a wolf tag will be entitled to shoot one wolf, at least until the quota of dead wolves in his region has been reached. And how will a hunter know if the local quota has been reached? There will be a hot line, of course/

A beatiful sentient social pack animal - genetic monarch of our beloved dogs - a magnificent symbol of beauty and freedom and the power and glory of our shrinking natural world;

Slaughtered by pscho red necks morons -for what?

These same sickos would eagerly purchase a game tag for the pure pleasure of shooting a "Wild Jew" -or any person of color.

How in the fuck can we let these pathetic sub humans roam among us with guns and liscences to kill for the pure pleasure of their demented egos?

Call your elected representatives - do something!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Fov Tv Announces "Stand Up With Conviction"

Once again the rulers of reality have found a way to produce a winning reality show that also benefits society!

It's not a piece of cake adjusting to society after you've done hard time -- but, if a felon is willing to "Stand Up" and turn his conviction into comedy for a nationwide TV audience -- they might just become "America's Funniest Felon"

A portion of all future entertainment earnings by the felons will be given to their victims --- And :"There will be categories for all types of felony offenses EXCEPT child abuse and necrophilia" -said Mike Darnit Fox TV reality president.

Darnit continued,"I just didn't think that there could possibly be anything funny about that one particular type of behavior - and i had to overrule my production people - which i very seldom do."

Mark Burnshit, whose production company will produce the show said;"We are working with the Federal Bureau of Prisons to help us identify potentially funny felons while they are serving their sentences and will send professional comics out to organize stand-up trials in the prison's exercise yards.."

Burnett concluded,"We are currently auditioning celebrity's with felony convictions to host the series - and there certainly is no shortage of qualified applicants."

Stay tuned! -Host recommendations?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

John McCaine Looks Like Casper The Friendly Ghost -- Needs Sun Tan

John McCaine Needs A Sun Tan - "Casper" Has To Go
I just can't get over the resemblance of John McCain to Casper The Friendly Ghost ! (see picture on blog)

And now that it seems his opponent for the presidency will be Barak Obama - this ghostly image is most certainly going to haunt him!

I mean - watching the two of them together will look like a Ku Klux Klan inquisition. This will definitely work against McCain and he should begin getting sun tan treatments immediately.

When the tanned and younger looking McCain appears looking like a stockier version of George Hamilton it will be the end of Obama (and his Cunty wife)

Now that's the kind of strategic advice and guidance you won't get from most high paid political consultants.

Call me Hillary - it's not too late

Monday, May 12, 2008

Laura Bush Forces Jenna To Marry "Henry The Limp"

Remember this blog - well the clock is ticking!

Jenna Bush,fun loving and filled with vitality and spirit; has been pushed into an engagement with a waspy young republican conservative activist from a prominent (connected) West Virginia family.

They are basically rednecks with brooks brothers shirts. Henry is getting his MBA and has a bright future in money and republican politics.

This marriage will last about as long as it takes for Jenna to find someone who can light up her G spot --and spunky jenna won't be bullied by momma Bush for too long.

A Texas friend of Laura's told the bandit; "Laura told Jenna that she didn't want her marrying anyone like her drunken playboy father was when they first met -- and that if it is wasn't for Billy Graham -- GW would have wound up as a goofy drunkard instead of the worst President in American history,.

"She said; "Laura told Jenna to forget about all those silly notions about passion and spontaneity and exciting love and find a good Christian Republican Conservative from a fine family -- and no Kikes or dark skinned types."

Well, unless Henry turns out to be one fine hunka munka dive bomber -- he ain't gonna last long -- i'm betting on Jenna to find a real man!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Fox Announces "Extreme Buffet" - Obese Eating Contest --with Granada TV

Well it sure looks like another winner coming on board to Fox TVs summer reality show line-up!

"Extreme Buffet" will showcase ten obese men and women (nobody under four hundred pounds can join this group of extreme gluttons) - eating as much food as they can in twenty four hours.

The auditions and back-stories will be inter cut with the pigging out over the course of three half hour programs .

All the human hogs will be weighed in at the beginning - and those who finish will be reweighed - and the one who gained the most weight will win one million dollars.

"The buffet is truly amazing!" -said Granada TV show runner (Granada also produces the huge hit Hell's Kitchen for Fox) Miles (Monty) Python.

He went on: 'Every conceivable type of scrumptious cuisine is available - gigantic piles of ribs and lobsters - caviar by the bucketful - a three foot vat of mashed potatoes -every conceivable type of dessert - mounds and mounds of cheese -- it's the "Willy Wonka" factory of food - a fantastic fattening fiesta and:

" When our human eating machines charged in to attack the Buffet -to the sound of a trumpeting bull elephant - and hit that 'Extreme Buffet" - and started to consume it - it sounded like a flock of four hundred pound locusts hitting a corn field "

"It was so scary that my support crew panicked and bolted out of the studio! - We all felt a rush of panic - it was primordial - we actually felt like we could be devoured in the gluttonous orgy "

"It was like watching a feeding frenzy of giant flesh eating hogs! - I mean this is GREAT reality television!" said Curt Throwrup exec producer for Granada Television .

Curt expanded; "The savage eating sounds(and the gas pyrotechnics) -cut with compelling music production and comedic commentary and animal sound effects -will make this the water cooler show of the summer."

"I still think we should have called it "Hell's Buffet."

Friday, May 09, 2008

Natalie Portman Has Never Sucked A Cock Say's COLA Report

In an astonishing revelation -- Dr. Libowitz announced today:


"We scanned a photo of Natalie from her latest file and lo and behold -she has NEVER had a cock pass between her lips: according to the Cock Over Lips Analyzer (COLA) system."


"We contacted Natalie by phone in Africa and she told us the following:"


"First of all i think the COLA system is definitely going to upen up a new sense of spirituality in human relationships - and i am very proud to have it scientifically confirmed -- that i have never sucked a cock"



She continued; "First of all i am so tired of my dates begging me to go down on them == and crying that they think i must have sucked off a million guys - so why not them?"



"Secondly -- i think that oral sex is the ultimate display and commitment of intimacy, and i am saving it for a very special guy -and then -believe you me - he will be one happy dude."



She concluded -- "However -- I sure am happy that there is no such thing as a CIA (Cock In Ass) scanner system -- heh heh."



Dr. Libowitz was later asked about developing a modified COLA system to scan assholes and measure how many times a person has been cornholed?



He responded; "Yep -natalie is right on the money and we are in development on it, Say -Natalie had a great name suggestion -CIA system - i like that CIA acronym! -(It's kinda like the real CIA assholes- heh heh)."



"Well thanks Natalie - the only problem with the CIA (Cocks In Ass) System is - that it will be much harder to get the photographs"

Send us a photo of your asshole and we will test scan it.



"But it's definitely coming!"

Thursday, May 08, 2008

First Male Results Are Finally In ---- - The Pope has Sucked over Six-Hundred Cocks

Dr. Sergio Libowitz made the long awaited announcement today -- "My Revolutionary COLA (Cocks Over Lips Analyzer) System - can now read Male Lips."

For our inaugural male analysis -- We scanned the Popes lips from a photograph of him in America last week and the results are conclusive:

"That Pope Benedick is a major cocksucker!"

The Dr. said in a press conference at his mountaintop laboratory in Switzerland today; "We hope the spiritual leader of all Catholics will not suffer any loss of spiritual credibility -from the scientific "Revelation" -- that he is a major cocksucker!"

Six -hundred cocks sucked is twice the number revealed for Hannah Montana in a previous report. (blog)

Furthermore - he stated; "We hope that as the COLA system gets into full swing - humanity will utilize this new scientific tool to pierce the veil of hypocrisy which deludes our perceptions of our leaders and cultural icons (and our friends and families and loved ones) -- and that we will :"

"Move forward into a world where everyone knows exactly how many cocks you have sucked - a world gentled and uplifted and purified with "behavioral clarity"

Let our new anthem be; "You Can suck - But You Can't Hide"

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Paris Hilton Has Sucked Over Three Thousand Cocks -- Reports Expert Lip Analyzer

As previously reported:

Dr, Sergio Libowitz - a Swedish neurologist - has developed a way to estimate how many times a woman has had a penis pass between her lips, by analyzing a photograph of her face. ----- Speaking from his mountaintop laboratory in Zermatt today , during a world conference meeting of lip surgeons - he stated: "Using a combination of electron laser spectography and bio-molecular resonance screenings of a digital facial picture- i can detect -within a five percent margin of error how many times a cock has passed between the lips of a woman ----- and soon i will be able to extend my findings to men."

His first disclosure indicated that Hannah Montana had sucked over three hundred cocks - but todays test results show that when it comes to cock sucking "Wow -Paris Hilton makes Hannah look like a rookie!" -said Dr. Libowitz .

"At first we thought we had misinterpreted the data - but after recalibrating our laboratory hardware and software - our results where proven accurate."

He stated; "This woman just may wind up in the cocksucking hall of fame - but then again we are just getting started - and we are eagerly awaiting the analysis of Pope Benedick and Rush Limbaugh."

"We are also beginning to see a relationship between heavy cocksucking and a reduction in cholesterol levels - which means sucking a cock a day may replace the apple"

"A cock a day keeps the cardiologist away"

Lot's more coming on this medical breakthrough!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Hannah Montana Has Given Over Three Hundred Blow Jobs - Say's Lip Reader Expert

Dr, Sergio Libowitz - a Swedish neurologist - has developed a way to estimate how many times a woman has had a penis pass between her lips, by analyzing a photograph of her face.

Speaking from his mountaintop laboratory in Zermatt today , during a world conference meeting of lip surgeons - he stated:

"Using a combination of electron laser spectography and bio-molecular resonance screenings of a digital facial picture- i can detect -within a five percent margin of error how many times a cock has passed between the lips of a woman -and soon i will be able to extend my findings to men."

He continued: " I will be establishing a world wide data base and will publish the results as they apply to world leaders and celebrities and political candidates on our web sight - cocksuckers.com"

"I started with Hannah Montana because i was so concerned about the impact of those Vanity Fair pictures on my three tween daughters - and sure enough - she is one major dick diver!"

Finally he said;"The social -political and moral implications of my research are fantastic."

"Oh - the first male screening result will be the Pope - stay tuned."