xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: Nov 1, 2009

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Fox Announces -Dead Relatives With God Videos


Yep -Fox is getting into the Educational Video biz and here's a sample of their first release "Say Hi To Grandpop Up In Heaven"(Grandmom's are next because they live longer) -which is flying off the shelves this holiday season:

Videos can be personalized as follows:

"High my darling grandchildren -This is Granpa Pipick speaking to you from heaven.

'It's so beautiful and peaceful here -and i'm sitting here with God playing a nice game of checkers - and God wants to say hi;

"Hi -this is god and the reason I'm sitting here with Grandpa Pipick playing checkers and sipping iced tea - instead of him roasting for all Eternity in Hell with the Devil -is because he was a good man and he worshipped me."

"So i want you to be very good and worship me blindly no matter how horrible life treats you or how stupid that seems -or you won't get up here and be with your good -God loving loved ones

"And if you're real bad - i might just send Grandpa Pipick down to Hell just to get even. - Now here's your Grandpa again"

"Now kids - you want me to go on living like a King up here in Heaven dontcha? -So don't fuck up and get me sent down with Grandma Pipick and Uncle Abe -in Hell!"

"And the production is so inexpensive" said Elise Mandelbaum President of Fox Video.

She stated; "The religious right loonies will buy these videos by the millions - we received ten thousand videos of grandparents from these nut cases just last week so we can edit them into the finished tapes before they croak"

"Or we can just send the generic version with fake heavenly voices (with provided info re Grandpa) as soon as we receive a deposit of $49.95"

"Hey! _ isn't there a whole new potential market here? -Messages from the dead kinda stuff?" asked digibandit Hollywood reporter Yonah Shimmel.

"heh heh" Laughed Mandelbaum "And a whole new reality show series is in the works:

"Afterlife" starring dead people - playing themselves before they died - Just as if they were still alive "

Fox rules! .

USA Should Offer Prisoners A Corporate BuyOut

OK -Your serving twenty five to life or life without parole (or maybe even apply to ALL sentences?) -AND -have we got a deal for you!

We will pay your designated recipient thirty thousand dollars (tax free) - AND you will get one month at the National Prisoner Pleasure Retreat (NPPS) - located on what the Feds are calling "Eagle Island"

Think of the Eagles great song "Hotel California" with those haunting lyrics 'You can check out but you never leave'

At the conclusion of their one month stay - warm in the glow of the most georgeous and sensuous pleasure providers Uncle Sam can provide (even some female inmate hotties who will get sentence reductions for their service) - And "High as a kite bye now" (as Elton John put it):

An official slips some junk in their martini and it's painlessly over!

The good ole USA taxpayer saves 40k (ave.yearly cost for incarceration) times the number of years the prisoner would have been supported behind bars.

His poor family gets a nice bit of change.

And he goes out with a bang

Hey - It's no different than corporations who offer buyouts -and save billions - to their old and washed up employees:

EXCEPT for the stay on "Eagle Island" which is an awfully nice bonus -and:

One that i'm willing to bet most corporate buyout victims would grab in a minute if Uncle Sam stepped up to the plate with the corporations! - AND - the government would save a ton on Social Security payments. (i mean they do get the martini dessert if they accept the added option) -Options! -Just like with Medicare

"You Can check-out but you never leave"

Another breakthrough concept from the digibandit!