Aliens to The Rescue

  

Aliens to The Rescue

“Then there was a slight whisper, a sudden spacious whisper of open ambient sound. Every hi-fi set in the world, every radio, every television, every cassette recorder, every woofer, every tweeter, every mid-range driver in the world quietly turned itself on. Every tin can, every dustbin, every window, every car, every wineglass, every sheet of rusty metal became activated as an acoustically perfect sounding board. Before the Earth passed away it was going to be treated to the very ultimate in sound reproduction, the greatest public address system ever built. But there was no concert, no music, no fanfare, just a simple message. “People of Earth, your attention, please,” a voice said, and it was wonderful. Wonderful perfect quadraphonic sound with distortion levels so low as to make a brave man weep”

“This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council,” the voice continued. “As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.” The PA died away.”  -  The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy -Douglas Adams  1979

Trump’s Presidential Inauguration -Washington,DC - January 20 -Noon

Being a Federal Holiday in DC, Merle Shwanz, His wife Mabel and their three young children where on holiday and absolutely thrilled beyond belief to be out on the Mall, on this beautiful winter day, to celebrate, with the masses of their fellow supporters of President Trump - As he was being inducted as the first President to serve three terms since FDR in 1945.

SUDDENLY there occurred a visceral humming accompanied by a pressure in his ears that unknown to him was experienced by EVERY human on Earth!

And THEN the announcement!

Clear as a bell as if everyone on Earth was listening to a Taylor Swift melody -But this was a melody of impending doom emanating from Outer Space.

Earthlings!  - The reason for this alert is NOT as your brilliant satirist Douglas Adams prognosticated in “The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy” where he creatively prognosticated  - “The plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and that regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. And “THIS process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes.”

Adams WAS prescient in his fiction regarding the time such an annihilation will now take by us,and it’s actual implementation, in that “Those selected will evaporate into a whiff of hydrogen-ozone and carbon monoxide”, AND no precautions, running to escape to deep bunkers etc. will stop the process! SO spend the time caressing your loved ones if possible.

Those selected? Yes there is good news for the vast majority of you -For now!

The Galactic Hyperspace Ruling Council, of which i am Supreme Commander - After finally identifying Earth as what we call a Schmuck One Disaster Zone, recommended obliterating ALL humanoid life forms BUT I overruled them -For now.

 Just So you understand - A “Schmuck Zone One” designation is akin to your “Defcom One” or say Your Treasury Bills reduced to Junk Status and/or World- Wide Economic Collapse or a devastating plague.

For us the designation in it’s worst iteration occurs when we assess that a planet has acquired advanced nuclear weapons delivery systems along with their potential approval of use in the hands of dangerous mentally ill regressive individuals -Think about your choice to elect the mentally challenged  Donald Trump to three terms as commander-in -chief in America?

As he and his ardent allies represent a prime determining  factor in Earth reaching the critical “Schmuck Zone One” designation:

I have decided to eliminate all similar sociopaths in the USA for starters AND we will observe closely if that mitigates the necessity to then destroy all Human Life on Earth -That is  If nothing significant changes in your habits towards each other and ALL life forms and Nature - Which ultimately threatens our Galaxy Of Asia Minor which is only ten light years away.

 

Hopefully all similarly regressive and mutated leaders around your Planet will respond accordingly to our threat.

ALSO -ALL the assets of those vaporized today will be *extracted from their holdings and  donated to the word-wide organization managed by The Enlightened Buddhist Yogi and Mystic Sadhguru and his Isha Foundation for the benefit of world peace and prosperity.

FYI -The word “SCHMUCK” from which we derived the designation ‘Schmuck Zone One”, was derived from a text by a Hassidick Rabbi named Vogon Schmeltz,  (Moishe Pipick in your English)  in 20000 BE (Before Earth) on The then besieged Planet of Schmeltz (Israel in your English) - Where he said “those with no kindness in their souls are undeserving of existence.”

* -If you wonder how we can manage the aforementioned asset redistribution please realize that Earth’s most advanced AI and Quantum Integrated Computers are like scratching with a rock on stone compared to ours.

May we NEVER meet again