xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010

Saturday, July 31, 2010

9/11 Site Should House Moslem Cultural Shrine

This museum would provide ongoing insight into the great cultural divide between Arab Fundamentalists and us Infidels by celebrating Moslem achievements over the past millenium -including but not limited to:

Keeping the stone age alive and well - complete with the stoning of women to death for crimes that get women alimony in the West.

The enslavement and or subjegation of their entire female population.

The virtual eleimination of democracy as a political institution.

The universal abhorrence and rejection of all things artful and entertaining.

The almost complete absence of a manufacturing OR high tech based economy -resulting in:

The almost complete absence of a middle class -and a fascist corrupt - oil based Oligarchy

A rabid proclivity to use violence to kill one another over irrational religious disputes - AND all non Moslems on the whim of fanatick religious leaders and:

Developing the revolutionary Moslem innovation of Suicide Bombers.

The highest rate of illiteracy in the world (outside of Muslim Africa) which enhances their complete misunderstanding of their sacred Texts -which they memorize.

The resultant response after a tour of this Moslem Cultural Shrine will resonate powerfully - with young and old and people of all ages -and even Aliens from OUTER space - as they stand in the holy light of Ground Zero -and exclaim:

"Who the fuck are these maniacal morons?"

Oh and bye the way -how long do you think a Mosque will stand at ground zero before it gets blown to bits by some redneck who will get The medal Of Freedom from President Palin and become the recruiting poster child for Osama Bin Douche bag?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

"Children Are Starving In America --Eat Your Spinach!"

Remeber when your Mom used to say that --only substituting China for America?

NOW now -Chinese Mom's are saying "Eat your spinach -children are starving in America"

And American Mom's now say "Eat your spinach kids are starving in America"

I guess the next step will be American's emigrating to places like China AND Brazil AND India for employment opportunities.

What irony! -American's will ultimately become illegal aliens in countries we used to consider third world.

AND -the American underclass will keep growing like it did in Mexico -AND eventually will become drug dealing maniacs competing for the drug demand in the NEW prosperous nations.

And president Tod Palin will be blaming the drug wars on the huge demand for them by India and China and Brazil.

But the guns will still be supplied in America -our last thriving industry.

Thought about Singapore? --Israel?

Saturday, July 24, 2010

If You're A Miserable Fuck?

Don't have children -AND DON'T get a dog!

So i'm out in the park with Liza (the wonderdog) yesterday and there's an attractive thirty ish woman about fifty yards away pulling and yelling at her dog like a moron.

Liza sees this and says to me "Hey poppy that's fucked up - I'm gonna go see if i can help"

So as Liza gets about thirty feet from the moron bitch (the dog OWNER that is) -She starts screaming "Get your dog away from me!"

In the meantime her son comes a running "Mommy! Mommy! can i pet the nice doggy?" (Liza)

Of course the miserable fuck starts yelling at the kid; "No! No! -You get away from that dog! -and look you're all muddy!"

Liza says to me; "Hey Pops -Can i take a bite out of that miserable fuck's ass?"

"Nope" says I -"Lets just keep movin along -people are like dogs -some are just turned into miserable fucks"

So now we come across a father teaching his kid how to ride a bike and he's runnin along beside him and the bike is all wobbling and teetering along -- and the kid is just laughing away -and the father is laughing -and Liza runs over to help out -and now the kid is playing with her -and the father is joining right in -and he says what a nice dog she is "Su pero es muy linda y contento "

"Yep she's a fine old girl allright" i reply -and he asks me something in Spanish that seems to say "Can my son give your dog a cookie?"

"Si Si gracias" says i and the kid gives Liza a cookie and Liza asks if she can play with the kid -and they gambol over to the duck pond together.

Well -i finally say "hasta luego" to Luis and little Luis and his momma - who is grilling hot dogs and hamburgers (liza and i each had a hot dog with jalapeno peppers and we split a Dos Equis) while singing joyfully

So as i get to my car i see a Range Rover pulling out and the driver is guess who? -You got it! --The miserable fucking moron! -And i hear the kid crying and the dog barking -and her yelling:

"Next time your father can take you to the park -if he can spare time from his golf"

AND -that's kinda a metaphor for life -ain't it?

And about immigration

Friday, July 23, 2010

Remember When Jane Fonda said Cunt on TV?

Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.

I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."

She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"

Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."

But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"

"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"

I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."

"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"

Kid's today!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Polish STILL a Polish Joke -Amsterdam RULES

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/18/world/europe/18poland.html

The European Gay Pride Parade was met in Poland by trhe usual Polish redneck peasant thugs that have characterized the Polaks for a thousand years.

The same asshole thugs who cheered on the trains heading for Auschwitz.

Poland would make a perfect red state in the USA -maybe John Baynor should lead a conservative Republican delegation over there to combine resources in the fight against human progress

Big problem is when the Polaks find out Johnny Boy Baynor is a latent homo hisself -whose Little Kelbasi wiener has been known to keep Mitch McConnell on his toes.

Oh and Nancy and Harry should trip on over to Amsterdam and see what progressive REALLY means.(90% of Holland is bisexual or headed there)The European Gay Parade in Amsterdam was ten times bigger than the one in West Hollywood.

Think about it will ya?

Go Netherlands!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Does Bill Gates Have a Penis?

I was just wondering about that because you never hear about him foolin around and he is worth 20 billion plus dollars -and his wife Melissa is cute -but hey:

I mean here's a healthy powerful guy - and he's smart and funny and the world's richest man.

I mean "Melissa darling - i'm off to Paris to talk about the Foundation and i'll be back in five days"

So meanwhile his trusted assistant Moishe Pipick who Gates pays 3 million a week so he's sure of his loyalty -rounds up the hottest babes in Europe and they are waiting for him (masked of course) at his Plaza Athenee apartment -and well you get my drift.

I mean even if Melissa has been trained by Oral Sex Gurus and Yoga Pleasure Masters in Tibet -and they have discovered some super sex drug -- Just think of the action that Gates could acquire around the Globe?

Either he's getting more pussy than the legendary Attila The Hun to whom we all have some genetic link because he screwed almost every hottie on Earth back then --OR:

Bill Gates has no Penis -OR -It's gonna be some kinda memoir.

But with his dough he could probably have a kentucky Thoroughbred's dick sewed onto him - OR - even have Lebron James dick cloned and implanted.

If any of you know if Gates has a penis could you drop me a line?

It's driving me nuts!

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Why Do They VOLUNTEER For Combat Duty?

Personally speaking -i would rather get married again than volunteer to fight say in Afghanistan or Bahgdad

How stupid do you have to be to be willing to get your nuts torn off -or worse -to save some stone age Muslims who hate us and could give a shit less about Democracy.

Like we don't have enough National Security issues facing us in our back yards.

Hey -i am thrilled that some men and women are willing to go get killed and will kill some of our enemies in the process -go ahead knock yourselves out.

Fact is most of them are just collecting a pay check doing exciting and respected work -and don't believe for a minute that they will ever get nicked.

AND -the vast majority will not get hurt and can come home and collect PTSS goodies (oh and did you not think that volunteering to go kill folks in a Muslim snakepit would be stressful?)

Being poor and married to some dysfunctional mate -with messed up kids (standard fare in the good ole USA today) - is more stressful than seeing a guy's head get blown off -and these poor Americans get nothing.

Oh and General Petraus and the Joint Chiefs have less chance of getting killed than the president of BP -and way more perks -so yeah we need them - BUT they aren't doing it for humanity (it's a great fucking job)

Maybe if we stop glorifying all this war service horseshit we can move forward about who really pays the biggest price for living in this downsliding -drug and alcohol depleted -academic failing - shopping mall -earth destroying -ignorant society -fueled by hypocritic -ignorant -power needy politicians and religious leaders and assorted other control freaks and banboozlers..

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Pipick calls New Yorkers Pussies

A record-breaking heat wave tightened its grip on New York City on Tuesday, as triple-digit temperatures tested Consolidated Edison’s power supply, threatened the health of the elderly, and tried the patience and resilience of anyone who dared to venture outside.


With the temperature reaching 103 degrees in Central Park at 3:11 p.m., breaking the former record high of 101 degrees for the day set in 1999, Con Edison officials braced for the greatest demand for power they had ever had.

Dr.Moishe Pipick -head engineer for the city's electrical infrastructure called New Yorkers a bunch of pampered pussies today at a City Hall press conference:

"Today it is a mild 115 degrees in Bahgdad with 100% humidity -and virtyually zero air conditioning and minimal water for drinking and none for bathing"

He continued; "They have crappy plumbing and hardly any toilet paper -the woman have to wear heavy dark Burkas -and the men just sit around sweating and drinking tons of hot coffee"

He went on "At any moment anywhere some lunatic might blow up the whole neighborhood -and our Marines are walking around among this happy go lucky populace with 70 pounds of gear on them -sweating their balls off"

Dr. Pipick concluded: "So you spoiled fucking pampered New Yorkers should just go sit in the park and count your blessings"

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Better World If British Won The American Revolution

Watching the bourgoise elitists and redneck morons and just plain stupid and greedy folks who comprise the Tea Party gang - it started me thinkin about the original Tea Party and the American Revolution -and i realized with great dismay that it would be a much better World if the British had won:

The common folk in the present UK are like Rocket Scientists compared to the commoners in the USA! They watch the BBC and are mostly non religious or Church of England which is like being a Buddhist compared to an American Christian.

-AND the Brits don't feel the need to own vaults filled with guns or to kill beautiful animals for a thrill. (even the British cops don't carry guns.


And - the Clergy are are MARRIED! - Reverends and Pastors don't sodomize children (they sodomize their wives like normal people do)
In The UK they have a House of Lords that knows the Common folk are assholes -and they are not ashamed to say so.

They also have a House of Commons where the people's representatives act like common assholes and are expected to by the asshole people -Who then get EXACTLY what they need and desrve,

They also have a Queen! - How fucking cool is that -AND as a result all the Gays are happy.

Oh -and without a whole lot of loony religious conservatives - you don't have debates about whether Darwin was an Atheist Jew lover and Creationism should be taught in schools -or whether a Zygote is a human being - and how God said in the bible that gays were Vermin (and all that other lovey dovey Scripture stuff)

AND AND AND -if The British HAD won the war with us - They would have been strong enough to maintain the British Empire:

Hence - NO First or Second World War (Germany wouldn't have said boo with a powerful British Empire standing in their way -AND no USSR and no cold war. (i estimate the savings in loss of life alone - at around two hundred million.)

AND best of all would have been (second only to the non emergence of those American Tea Bag morons):

When you called a customer service department for help with ANY product or service -Instead of getting "Hellooo Dees is Dakta in Mombay Ken i help Voooo?"

You would hear "Ello Mate -Gotta bit ov a problem have yeh? - well you just hold on Gov - an we will fix er right up!"

So -fuck George Washington and ALL The Founding fathers -

They screwed us Royally!

Fuck The Fourth!