KHARTOUM, Sudan - Thousands of Sudanese, many armed with clubs and knives, rallied Friday in a central square and demanded the execution of a British teacher convicted of insulting Islam for allowing her students to name a teddy bear "Muhammad."
Now - nothing could more vividly demonstrate what the Civilized world is up against more than this frightening demonstration of Religious faith gone totally wacko!
Illiterate angry masses of exploited human animals brought to a frenzy of hatred by psycho religious leaders is business as usual in the history of the human ape . The problem now, however, is that instead of stones they have modern weapons including weapons of mass destruction.
Now you don't see any riots in Sudan over Dar fur where cutting off a child's arms is what you do before lunch and then you go out and burn a village and torture and rape some folks and then take a long nap.
These folks are very faithful though. They are so faithful that ninety percent of them can't read or write so they don't even know what the Koran means - they just chant away and listen to their Mullahs demented interpretations of it. They would believe Mohammad WAS a Teddy Bear if that's what they were told -- and then they would try to hack you to death for calling him a "Great Spiritual Leader"
All the Imams would have to scream is"Kill the infidel! -she called Mohammad a great spiritual leader! --Cut out her pussy and drag it through the streets ! --let the children see the torn pussy of the Infidel who called Mohammad "A Great Spiritual Leader".
Well at least it's all very clear now (in case it wasn't before) -in America we buy Teddy Bears for our kids for Christmas -- but the Muslims would cut out your intestines at the thought that someone could portray Mohammad as cute and adorable and fuzzy.
Can you imagine, even one of Christianity's major wackos, like John Hagee, screaming; "Kill all the Jews - Moyshe Pipick, an orthodox Rabbi had a stuffed Sea Otter named Jesus in his Talmud class."
And then the Christians taking to the streets like animals with torches and pitch forks hunting down and killing Jews? -- Heck, they stopped doing that sixty years ago.
Why doesn't some smart toy maker come out with next years hot item for Ramadan? -- An ignorant vicious Muslim moron doll with a suicide belt - and with a sword and a Barbie with a detachable head for the kids to practice cutting off.
I only want ten percent for this great marketing concept -- Sent to my bank care of Sal man Rushdie.
Oh -and I'm gonna have to switch,sadly, to Rudy for president - one good wacko deserves another.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Britney Spears Endorses Mitt Romney "The Mormon Moose" For President
Britney Spears has finally made her long awaited decision about who she thinks should become president and has announced her support for Republican candidate (and Mormon) -- Mitt Romney (former governor of Massachusetts).
"This was a very difficult decision for me", said Britney, as she lounged by her pool in Miami waiting for her plastic surgeon to arrive and repair her right nipple which had fallen off overnight (the result of twelve breast implants).
"The Moron -oops Mormon thing worried me at first but when i found out that they believe in having many wives (at the same time) i figured that they must really know how to take care of a woman -- and i need a lot of care."
"Also - he's such a stud puppy -so tall and handsome and still has got that 'daddy spank me' thing going for him --and now that he's against abortions i really am convinced he's the one because i've had twenty eight abortions now and believe you me that gets real old after a while."
She continued,"Also, i think it's sooo cool that he puts his dog in a cage on the top of his car when his family goes on a trip. My mom and dad used to tie me to the roof of the car when i was little,whenever we went on a road trip -- and sometimes they would even leave me out overnight --it was sooo cool --and made me feel soooo secure."
"I'm kinda disappointed that i couldn't get Michael (Jackson) to come out for Mitt but ever since he saw Rudy Giuliani in a dress on SNL he just loves Rudy - although he thinks his wife is a real cunt, so maybe i can turn him around."(oops a pun)
"Well -anyhow - i plan on working real hard for Mitt - and hope maybe he'll get a little hard for me - haha -- he sure is a tall sexy hunk --i bet he's hung like a Moose -- ha ha --a Mormon Moose!"
Stay tuned for more of the bandit's celebrity endorsements -- because every vote counts!
"This was a very difficult decision for me", said Britney, as she lounged by her pool in Miami waiting for her plastic surgeon to arrive and repair her right nipple which had fallen off overnight (the result of twelve breast implants).
"The Moron -oops Mormon thing worried me at first but when i found out that they believe in having many wives (at the same time) i figured that they must really know how to take care of a woman -- and i need a lot of care."
"Also - he's such a stud puppy -so tall and handsome and still has got that 'daddy spank me' thing going for him --and now that he's against abortions i really am convinced he's the one because i've had twenty eight abortions now and believe you me that gets real old after a while."
She continued,"Also, i think it's sooo cool that he puts his dog in a cage on the top of his car when his family goes on a trip. My mom and dad used to tie me to the roof of the car when i was little,whenever we went on a road trip -- and sometimes they would even leave me out overnight --it was sooo cool --and made me feel soooo secure."
"I'm kinda disappointed that i couldn't get Michael (Jackson) to come out for Mitt but ever since he saw Rudy Giuliani in a dress on SNL he just loves Rudy - although he thinks his wife is a real cunt, so maybe i can turn him around."(oops a pun)
"Well -anyhow - i plan on working real hard for Mitt - and hope maybe he'll get a little hard for me - haha -- he sure is a tall sexy hunk --i bet he's hung like a Moose -- ha ha --a Mormon Moose!"
Stay tuned for more of the bandit's celebrity endorsements -- because every vote counts!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Answer These Questions If You've Got The Grapes
"Asking the important questions — not
So CNN chose which questions would be asked in the Republican debate last night. And guess what: not one question about health care, the central domestic issue for this election.
They did, however, include a question about putting a man on Mars"
So said the NYTimes -- So i guess I'll just have to submit another list of the Digibandit's key questions -and judging from your reactions to my prior blog on this subject -- i really struck a chord with my tens of thousands of loyal and bright readers -- so here's round two:
What is the most critical issue that you have ever changed your mind about after careful deliberation? (elaborate)
If you found your adult son or daughter performing oral sex on a minor what would you do?
If you were assassinated during your Presidency would you want your wife to remarry?
Have you ever been intimate with a minority (including a Jew)?
Do you believe that killing over two-hundred thousand Iraqi civilians and displacing four million was justified in a moral, means /ends equation?
How many times in the past month did you have sex (from all sources)?
Do you think that Allah is on an equally Godly footing with Yaweh? (Buddha? - Krishna? -- The Tooth Fairy?)
What is your favorite charity?
If your wife or daughter were gang raped by Hasidic Jews would you allow them to have an abortion? (by Blacks? - Hispanics?)
Do you believe that vibrators can be an effective source of sexual stimulation? (does the Mrs. indulge?)
Has a minority ever been a guest in your home (who and when?)
Have you ever killed a wild animal? (why?)
Are any of your children taking prescription anti-depressants?
Do you believe that Ahmadinejad is a normal human being? (Hugo Chavez?)
More to come!
So CNN chose which questions would be asked in the Republican debate last night. And guess what: not one question about health care, the central domestic issue for this election.
They did, however, include a question about putting a man on Mars"
So said the NYTimes -- So i guess I'll just have to submit another list of the Digibandit's key questions -and judging from your reactions to my prior blog on this subject -- i really struck a chord with my tens of thousands of loyal and bright readers -- so here's round two:
What is the most critical issue that you have ever changed your mind about after careful deliberation? (elaborate)
If you found your adult son or daughter performing oral sex on a minor what would you do?
If you were assassinated during your Presidency would you want your wife to remarry?
Have you ever been intimate with a minority (including a Jew)?
Do you believe that killing over two-hundred thousand Iraqi civilians and displacing four million was justified in a moral, means /ends equation?
How many times in the past month did you have sex (from all sources)?
Do you think that Allah is on an equally Godly footing with Yaweh? (Buddha? - Krishna? -- The Tooth Fairy?)
What is your favorite charity?
If your wife or daughter were gang raped by Hasidic Jews would you allow them to have an abortion? (by Blacks? - Hispanics?)
Do you believe that vibrators can be an effective source of sexual stimulation? (does the Mrs. indulge?)
Has a minority ever been a guest in your home (who and when?)
Have you ever killed a wild animal? (why?)
Are any of your children taking prescription anti-depressants?
Do you believe that Ahmadinejad is a normal human being? (Hugo Chavez?)
More to come!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Now -How About Bush Taking Off HIS Uniform - Before It's Too Late
Will someone -- anyone -- tell me why the President of the United States is also the Commander In Chief of the armed forces?
"It's because you gotta have someone at the top who is not part of the Military establishment and someone who has the final say in an emergency" says my fucking idiot brother.
Let me get this straight -- the shit really hits the fan - like George Bush gets a call from some General (think Sterling Hayden in "Dr. Strangelove") -- "Hello Mr. President -we have confirmed satellite reports that Russia has just started fueling it's new MIR SS19 nuclear missiles --could you please toddle over to the war Room?"
Now i can think of a few scenarios i might prefer to empowering a guy with zero knowledge (i mean zero) of military strategy -who gets his best advice from the son of God who resides in heaven -who was formerly on Earth - and who takes a personal interest in his welfare- and will now maybe whisper in his ear "Go destroy civilization - better hurry - and we'll worry about it later."
One alternative might be a standing group of tough - smart - balanced individuals -- pre evaluated and selected and ordained by the Democratic process (with all the evaluation tools brought to bear in the selection process commensurate with the awesome responsibility being delegated) - with the power to evaluate such a crisis in an immediate time frame -- and empowered to act!
Or would you prefer George Bush down on his knees in the White House Chapel --rosary in hand -staring up at a wooden idol - crying "Oh thank you Lord Jesus --thank you so much - i look forward to seeing you in Heaven within the next couple of hours --Laura and the kids say hi -- and yes I'll tell the Jews to convert right away so they won't all be sent to hell with the Russians -- yes --I'll tell John Hagee right away -- oh thank you so much Jesus - oh and hey what's the weather like up there?"
Well -- you get the idea -and if you think it can't happen i would suggest you just keep on shopping right until the end --one more swipe of your last credit card before the you head for the big shopping mall in the sky --Merry Christmas -- adios!
"It's because you gotta have someone at the top who is not part of the Military establishment and someone who has the final say in an emergency" says my fucking idiot brother.
Let me get this straight -- the shit really hits the fan - like George Bush gets a call from some General (think Sterling Hayden in "Dr. Strangelove") -- "Hello Mr. President -we have confirmed satellite reports that Russia has just started fueling it's new MIR SS19 nuclear missiles --could you please toddle over to the war Room?"
Now i can think of a few scenarios i might prefer to empowering a guy with zero knowledge (i mean zero) of military strategy -who gets his best advice from the son of God who resides in heaven -who was formerly on Earth - and who takes a personal interest in his welfare- and will now maybe whisper in his ear "Go destroy civilization - better hurry - and we'll worry about it later."
One alternative might be a standing group of tough - smart - balanced individuals -- pre evaluated and selected and ordained by the Democratic process (with all the evaluation tools brought to bear in the selection process commensurate with the awesome responsibility being delegated) - with the power to evaluate such a crisis in an immediate time frame -- and empowered to act!
Or would you prefer George Bush down on his knees in the White House Chapel --rosary in hand -staring up at a wooden idol - crying "Oh thank you Lord Jesus --thank you so much - i look forward to seeing you in Heaven within the next couple of hours --Laura and the kids say hi -- and yes I'll tell the Jews to convert right away so they won't all be sent to hell with the Russians -- yes --I'll tell John Hagee right away -- oh thank you so much Jesus - oh and hey what's the weather like up there?"
Well -- you get the idea -and if you think it can't happen i would suggest you just keep on shopping right until the end --one more swipe of your last credit card before the you head for the big shopping mall in the sky --Merry Christmas -- adios!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Here's Some Boring Bullshit I Just Had To get Off My Chest
After watching an hour of Bill Moyers grind away at how we were all misled about Iraq having WMD and led into a thuggish invasion by the neocons - i went and puked on my lemon tree in splendid Hollywood and decided it was time to rant a little on this issue.
One - what with just having a bunch of religious wackos give us a wake up call about how bright our future looked - and with one of the most pathological and fascist tyrants on the planet refusing to come forward and offer proof that he wasn't trying to match his "Death To America" rhetoric with WMD proliferation - we all were a little nervous.
Two - the idea of getting rid of him and his murderous cronies and liberating the intellect and spirit and industry of a huge - but oppressed mostly secular, Iraqi middle class -- and maybe changing the paradigm of middle east dystopia - seemed like a noble and prudent enterprise.
Three - how could anyone have guessed that our leaders would have absolutely no insight into the seething sectarian hell we were about to unleash - and that the debathification -- the dismissing of the army - the unsecuring of enough modern weapons to supply every Iraqi wacko for a generation - and a total misjudgement about the number of troops needed to deal with the chaos -and the total incompetence and corruption of the Iraqi leadership -and that the Bushies would assign the most critical reconstruction and oversight duties to people who's qualification was compatible ideology instead of competence .
(which as it turns out is the ultimate lesson of the last eight years - INCOMPETENCE - which is why the number one issue for the next election should be COMPETENCE).
So - it never was solely about WMD ! We didn't know!- We knew we didn't know!
And that was reason enough - considering Saddam's history and the long term potential to eliminate his regime and give Iraqis a real shot at a life -and the potential to remodel the region; to take him out.(unless you think the collateral damage/innocent bystanders moral issue trumps all other considerations -- in which case you should start a revolution or shut the fuck up about it).
It doesn't piss me off that they didn't just say that - after all they are dealing with a public that is basically ignorant and delusional with belligerent rednecks one one side of the aisle and queer liberal cultural relativists on the other. And in the middle -- pretty much politically anethesized.
That's it -- Hope you had a great black Friday and have a great Internet Monday - and shop till you drop!
One - what with just having a bunch of religious wackos give us a wake up call about how bright our future looked - and with one of the most pathological and fascist tyrants on the planet refusing to come forward and offer proof that he wasn't trying to match his "Death To America" rhetoric with WMD proliferation - we all were a little nervous.
Two - the idea of getting rid of him and his murderous cronies and liberating the intellect and spirit and industry of a huge - but oppressed mostly secular, Iraqi middle class -- and maybe changing the paradigm of middle east dystopia - seemed like a noble and prudent enterprise.
Three - how could anyone have guessed that our leaders would have absolutely no insight into the seething sectarian hell we were about to unleash - and that the debathification -- the dismissing of the army - the unsecuring of enough modern weapons to supply every Iraqi wacko for a generation - and a total misjudgement about the number of troops needed to deal with the chaos -and the total incompetence and corruption of the Iraqi leadership -and that the Bushies would assign the most critical reconstruction and oversight duties to people who's qualification was compatible ideology instead of competence .
(which as it turns out is the ultimate lesson of the last eight years - INCOMPETENCE - which is why the number one issue for the next election should be COMPETENCE).
So - it never was solely about WMD ! We didn't know!- We knew we didn't know!
And that was reason enough - considering Saddam's history and the long term potential to eliminate his regime and give Iraqis a real shot at a life -and the potential to remodel the region; to take him out.(unless you think the collateral damage/innocent bystanders moral issue trumps all other considerations -- in which case you should start a revolution or shut the fuck up about it).
It doesn't piss me off that they didn't just say that - after all they are dealing with a public that is basically ignorant and delusional with belligerent rednecks one one side of the aisle and queer liberal cultural relativists on the other. And in the middle -- pretty much politically anethesized.
That's it -- Hope you had a great black Friday and have a great Internet Monday - and shop till you drop!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Here's some No Bullshit Questions For The Presidential Candidates
When you die do you believe you will have an actual face to face meeting with God?
When is the last time you masturbated?
Do you think the average homosexual is normal?
What is your attitude towards oral and anal sex?
What is your deepest insight into existence?
Do you believe that an embryo is a life and that killing one is murder and why?
What is your favorite book (fiction and non fiction)?
If you found out your wife gave another man a blow job would you leave her? (Hillary has dealt with this issue)
If you farted loudly in a meeting with your cabinet - what would you say?
Tell your favorite joke!
When is the last time you cried?
If you found out one of your children was a pedophile would you turn him in?
Can atheists be considered moral?
Would you approve of one of your children marrying a black person? (Obama must also answer)
Do you believe in pre-marital sex?
Have you ever had a hand job outside the home?
Have you ever been in a physical fight? (describe circumstances and outcome)
When is the last time you said Fuck?
Do you believe Clarence Thomas is normal?
Do you believe that the Pope is infallible?
More to follow - any suggestions?
When is the last time you masturbated?
Do you think the average homosexual is normal?
What is your attitude towards oral and anal sex?
What is your deepest insight into existence?
Do you believe that an embryo is a life and that killing one is murder and why?
What is your favorite book (fiction and non fiction)?
If you found out your wife gave another man a blow job would you leave her? (Hillary has dealt with this issue)
If you farted loudly in a meeting with your cabinet - what would you say?
Tell your favorite joke!
When is the last time you cried?
If you found out one of your children was a pedophile would you turn him in?
Can atheists be considered moral?
Would you approve of one of your children marrying a black person? (Obama must also answer)
Do you believe in pre-marital sex?
Have you ever had a hand job outside the home?
Have you ever been in a physical fight? (describe circumstances and outcome)
When is the last time you said Fuck?
Do you believe Clarence Thomas is normal?
Do you believe that the Pope is infallible?
More to follow - any suggestions?
Here's Some Really Important Questions For Presidential The Candidates
When you die do you believe you will have an actual face to face meeting with God?
When is the last time you masturbated?
Do you think the average homosexual is normal?
What is your attitude towards oral and anal sex?
What is your deepest insight into existence?
Do you believe that an embryo is a life and that killing one is murder and why?
What is your favorite book (fiction and non fiction)?
If you found out your wife gave another man a blow job would you leave her? (Hillary has dealt with this issue)
If you farted loudly in a meeting with your cabinet - what would you say?
Tell your favorite joke!
When is the last time you cried?
If you found out one of your children was a pedophile would you turn him in?
Can atheists be considered moral?
Would you approve of one of your children marrying a black person? (Obama must also answer)
Do you believe in pre-marital sex?
Have you ever had a hand job outside the home?
Have you ever been in a physical fight? (describe circumstances and outcome)
When is the last time you said Fuck?
Do you believe Clarence Thomas is normal?
Do you believe that the Pope is infallible?
When is the last time you masturbated?
Do you think the average homosexual is normal?
What is your attitude towards oral and anal sex?
What is your deepest insight into existence?
Do you believe that an embryo is a life and that killing one is murder and why?
What is your favorite book (fiction and non fiction)?
If you found out your wife gave another man a blow job would you leave her? (Hillary has dealt with this issue)
If you farted loudly in a meeting with your cabinet - what would you say?
Tell your favorite joke!
When is the last time you cried?
If you found out one of your children was a pedophile would you turn him in?
Can atheists be considered moral?
Would you approve of one of your children marrying a black person? (Obama must also answer)
Do you believe in pre-marital sex?
Have you ever had a hand job outside the home?
Have you ever been in a physical fight? (describe circumstances and outcome)
When is the last time you said Fuck?
Do you believe Clarence Thomas is normal?
Do you believe that the Pope is infallible?
Friday, November 23, 2007
We Get Better Pussy Than Brad Pitt!
You know --i just realized something! i picked up this Australian chick in a club on Sunset Boulevard last night and as i lay in bed looking at her this morning it came (pun -sorry) to me in a flash! --This babe is twice as hot as Angela or Jennifer!(off screen)
Holy shit! --I get better pussy than Brad Pitt!No Ferrari - No house on the beach in Malibu - No fifty million in the bank account -- No celebrity status -- Just me and my average size Jewish prick and a few good moves !
Then i began thinking about all the nasty dysfunctional star assholes i catch a glimpse of -- all these macho celebs -- crying about their nasty star babes all over the covers of the tabloids.I'm checking out at Ralph's with a BBQ chicken for dinner while they are out wining and dining their wacko wives and girlfriends - and then buying them jewelry to get laid while getting their balls broken by these chicks - who i wouldn't fuck with their dicks!Wow!
I jumped out of bed and called my buddy Lee -- "Lee" i said! -- 'Would you fuck Katie Holmes?" -- he asked me what i was smoking and replied; "Not with your cock!
"Wow! -- what a revelation! -- now here is Tom Cruise who is a super star worth mega millions and even though he's a midget and a cult fanatic you know this guy could fuck the hottest babes on earth every night of the week and he winds up with a nagging average ugly babe who breaks his balls 24/7 --duh!
The list of Star dudes who get tied down and fucked over by average ugly superstar babes is mind blowing -- i can't get over it! -- I know fat guys living in the Antelope Valley without a pot to piss in who get better pussy than John Beckham. My pal Ernie Greenblatt ( one of the aforementioned fat guys) fucks chicks that bury that bony spice girl moron; and they are cool chicks who love to laugh and can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!
What the hell my male brothers? -- What gives here? --What's wrong with you star dudes? -- You definitely need help!Hey -- how about a reality show? -- "Average Guys Who Get Hotter Pussy Than The Stars"
This is an epiphany! -- I feel like Abraham must have when God spoke to him in the desert for the first time!I get better pussy than Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and Russel Crowe and George Clooney -- and YOU probably do too!
Holy shit! --I get better pussy than Brad Pitt!No Ferrari - No house on the beach in Malibu - No fifty million in the bank account -- No celebrity status -- Just me and my average size Jewish prick and a few good moves !
Then i began thinking about all the nasty dysfunctional star assholes i catch a glimpse of -- all these macho celebs -- crying about their nasty star babes all over the covers of the tabloids.I'm checking out at Ralph's with a BBQ chicken for dinner while they are out wining and dining their wacko wives and girlfriends - and then buying them jewelry to get laid while getting their balls broken by these chicks - who i wouldn't fuck with their dicks!Wow!
I jumped out of bed and called my buddy Lee -- "Lee" i said! -- 'Would you fuck Katie Holmes?" -- he asked me what i was smoking and replied; "Not with your cock!
"Wow! -- what a revelation! -- now here is Tom Cruise who is a super star worth mega millions and even though he's a midget and a cult fanatic you know this guy could fuck the hottest babes on earth every night of the week and he winds up with a nagging average ugly babe who breaks his balls 24/7 --duh!
The list of Star dudes who get tied down and fucked over by average ugly superstar babes is mind blowing -- i can't get over it! -- I know fat guys living in the Antelope Valley without a pot to piss in who get better pussy than John Beckham. My pal Ernie Greenblatt ( one of the aforementioned fat guys) fucks chicks that bury that bony spice girl moron; and they are cool chicks who love to laugh and can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!
What the hell my male brothers? -- What gives here? --What's wrong with you star dudes? -- You definitely need help!Hey -- how about a reality show? -- "Average Guys Who Get Hotter Pussy Than The Stars"
This is an epiphany! -- I feel like Abraham must have when God spoke to him in the desert for the first time!I get better pussy than Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and Russel Crowe and George Clooney -- and YOU probably do too!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving - It May Very Well Be Our Last
The Pilgrims were a bunch of religious fanatics and intolerant wackos whose principles and values we have spent over four hundred years trying to overcome .
The current crop of religious wackos is still at the table - spouting their intolerance and superstitious pipe dreams, like the mean spirited ignorant witch doctors -which they are.
Most Americans work like dogs fifty weeks a year so they can go shopping for crap and maybe get some down time and the kind of natural bliss that the Indians enjoyed 24/7.(before we slaughtered em and turned their culture into a gambling casino).
The planet is becoming a dump - one billion people live on less than a dollar a day and another one billion are food and water deprived -and the perpetual tribal killing machines that we human primates are, now have ubiquitous weapons of mass destruction (tick- tick -tick).
And - we human apes have now given birth to a deadly virus for which there is no immunity and no escape - religous fanaticks who worship death - who have access to weapons of mass destruction.
The perfect storm has blown across the land -- a cyclone of tribal hatred and nihilism - with no end in sight except - THE END!
So get up early, pop a prozac, and get on over to Walmart and buy some more "stuff," as George Carlin used to say -- and :
Happy Thanksgiving!
The current crop of religious wackos is still at the table - spouting their intolerance and superstitious pipe dreams, like the mean spirited ignorant witch doctors -which they are.
Most Americans work like dogs fifty weeks a year so they can go shopping for crap and maybe get some down time and the kind of natural bliss that the Indians enjoyed 24/7.(before we slaughtered em and turned their culture into a gambling casino).
The planet is becoming a dump - one billion people live on less than a dollar a day and another one billion are food and water deprived -and the perpetual tribal killing machines that we human primates are, now have ubiquitous weapons of mass destruction (tick- tick -tick).
And - we human apes have now given birth to a deadly virus for which there is no immunity and no escape - religous fanaticks who worship death - who have access to weapons of mass destruction.
The perfect storm has blown across the land -- a cyclone of tribal hatred and nihilism - with no end in sight except - THE END!
So get up early, pop a prozac, and get on over to Walmart and buy some more "stuff," as George Carlin used to say -- and :
Happy Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Southern Baptists Seek New Song Book - Here's An Idea!
I heard a report onNPR radio today that the Southern Baptists are having a debate over their "Hymnal." You know those catchy tunes that they sing praising the Lord that sound like they were written by mental patients.
Yep - there's a hot debate going on between the traditional Baptists who prefer the oldy but goldy songs and the really hip Baptists that want to be more relevent for the younger members of their cult.. (the elders refer to these new songs as seven elevens because they basically say "And we should all praise the lord" and repeat it eleven times.I guess that's a Baptist attempt at satire?
Well - i just can't resist weighing in with a proposed Baptist ditty that i feel represents the spirit of how the Chritian Gospel has impacted these folks -- based, that is, on their illustrious commitment to tolerance of all humanity and their keen sense of compassion and social justice. -Here goes:
Yep - there's a hot debate going on between the traditional Baptists who prefer the oldy but goldy songs and the really hip Baptists that want to be more relevent for the younger members of their cult.. (the elders refer to these new songs as seven elevens because they basically say "And we should all praise the lord" and repeat it eleven times.I guess that's a Baptist attempt at satire?
Well - i just can't resist weighing in with a proposed Baptist ditty that i feel represents the spirit of how the Chritian Gospel has impacted these folks -- based, that is, on their illustrious commitment to tolerance of all humanity and their keen sense of compassion and social justice. -Here goes:
"Mount This!"
(a Baptist song about Jesus' "Sermon On The Mount")
What Jesus meant was Watch your ass
For Jews Niggers and Queers
They changed the Masters holy Words
Slaughter them like steers
Chorus: They changed the Masters holy words
Slaughter Them like Steers
Jesus said To love thy neighbors
Except the ones we Hate
kikes and Spics and Chinks and Niggers
Treat em all like Bait
repeat chorus
It's catchy dontcha think? - Kinda sums up their history? -The melody should probably have a strong organ background mixed with the cracking of bullwhips and screams of agony.
I only hope these folks get to ask Jesus for his reaction as soon as possible.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Candidates Should be Waterboarded As Test Of Courage
Look -in these dangerous times the most important character trait we should be looking for in our next president is cajones (balls to you gringos) - nuts -grapes or however you call em - but definitely someone who has got guts -because they will need a kickass amount of courage to deal with what's a comin -- it's gonna be right out of a Cormac McCarthy novel i'm afeared.
So --lets kill two birds with one stone! We'll have the presidential candidates undergo waterboarding to see how much they can take it relative to one another - and we also get a first hand look at how effective this procedure actually is. (fox has agreed to televise it and based on initial sponsor interest will probably make it into an ongoing reality series "The One Million Dollar Waterboarding Contest"
Personally i think it will be close between Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Hillary Clinton has got female balls and they are generally bigger than men's -- and John Mccain might just think it's like gargling with mouthwash after what he got in the Hanoi Hilton.
On the weak side it's probably John Edwards. I figure he shits his pants when they sit him in the chair.
Now - i think Rudy Giuliani is a stone pussy - but after three marriages (and that arch cunt Judith) he can probably endure a whole lot of pain. And Mitt Romney i figure is two or three seconds behind Edwards in screaming for his momma and then pissing in his pants and then offering a million bucks and his kids to be set free.(after calling his attorneys)
Obama, i believe, would try hard but would fold quickly especially after seeing Bill Richardson puke on the CIA torturer with his first gag of the water and beg to be killed.
Thompson, i believe, can take it pretty good - but I'm afraid he would definitely suffer a stroke during the torture - and wack job Dennis Kucinitch would probably refuse to participate and call the ACLU to intervene.
Now Mike (hallelujah)Huckabee is an interesting case - being a Baptist preacher, his love of being immersed in water might actually be a spiritual experience for him --i recommend instead that he be locked in a room with Christopher Hitchens for three hours and see if he can stand THAT torture.
Chris (the waffler) Dodd might be the big surprise of the event! -- I have a feeling he is used to having large objects thrust into his throat - he might use the torture as an occasion to come out of the closet? ( a breakthrough in honesty for him)
Biden and Brownback get a pass -they're in it for their resumes.(and Biden could never shut up long enough to participate anyway.
pretty clever idea --huh?
So --lets kill two birds with one stone! We'll have the presidential candidates undergo waterboarding to see how much they can take it relative to one another - and we also get a first hand look at how effective this procedure actually is. (fox has agreed to televise it and based on initial sponsor interest will probably make it into an ongoing reality series "The One Million Dollar Waterboarding Contest"
Personally i think it will be close between Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Hillary Clinton has got female balls and they are generally bigger than men's -- and John Mccain might just think it's like gargling with mouthwash after what he got in the Hanoi Hilton.
On the weak side it's probably John Edwards. I figure he shits his pants when they sit him in the chair.
Now - i think Rudy Giuliani is a stone pussy - but after three marriages (and that arch cunt Judith) he can probably endure a whole lot of pain. And Mitt Romney i figure is two or three seconds behind Edwards in screaming for his momma and then pissing in his pants and then offering a million bucks and his kids to be set free.(after calling his attorneys)
Obama, i believe, would try hard but would fold quickly especially after seeing Bill Richardson puke on the CIA torturer with his first gag of the water and beg to be killed.
Thompson, i believe, can take it pretty good - but I'm afraid he would definitely suffer a stroke during the torture - and wack job Dennis Kucinitch would probably refuse to participate and call the ACLU to intervene.
Now Mike (hallelujah)Huckabee is an interesting case - being a Baptist preacher, his love of being immersed in water might actually be a spiritual experience for him --i recommend instead that he be locked in a room with Christopher Hitchens for three hours and see if he can stand THAT torture.
Chris (the waffler) Dodd might be the big surprise of the event! -- I have a feeling he is used to having large objects thrust into his throat - he might use the torture as an occasion to come out of the closet? ( a breakthrough in honesty for him)
Biden and Brownback get a pass -they're in it for their resumes.(and Biden could never shut up long enough to participate anyway.
pretty clever idea --huh?
Monica Lewinsky's Blow Job Just Might Save The World
There is a very strong probability that Hillary Clinton will begin an eight year "rule" of America!
I say "rule" only because i recently saw the movie "Elizabeth The Golden Age" and two factors led me to a startling epiphany :
One - the timing of Queen Elizabeth's role on the world stage as the leader of an immensely powerful and progressive Empire being challenged existentially by an 'Evil Empire" driven by religious fanaticism . ( The Ayatollah Khomeini in the form of King Phillip of Spain.) - and the obvious comparison to What will confront "Queen" Hillary.
Two -- Elizabeth's dependence on her loyal and and trusted advisor -Sir Francis Walsingham (who's efforts unveil the Spanish plans to invade England with their Armada). And -- as i watched the amazing performance of Geoffrey Rush as Walsinham unfold -- i could not help but think of Bill Clinton back in the White House assuming those very same duties to save America and Queen Hillary from the evil Arabs.
The epiphany -- Hillary would not have become politically viable if the American people had not witnessed her great poise and strength during the Monica Lewinsky embarrassment. She relied on her faith in the Lord and the Christian belief in salvation and redemption (i am puking now) - to forgive Bill for his transgression -and to come through spiritually invigorated --born again. (i just threw up my socks)
And so -- the next "Ruler" Queen Hillary --with her wise advisor Sir Bill -- of the most powerful country in the world -- during a time of unprecedented challenges -- would not be poised to save the wold -- if Monica Lewinsky had not given Bill Clinton a blow job.
And what really blows (oops) my mind is that none of this would be happening -- If she swallowed properly, ( hence eliminating the telltale stain/evidence)
Now, why i made the leap from the movie to the Monica epiphany is something i will definitely have to discuss with my Rabbi. - It might have been because in the movie it's pretty clear that Elizabethh is dying to go down on Sir Walter Raleigh (who also reminded me of Bill) who winds up shtupping the Queens best friend.
Ain't life strange?
I say "rule" only because i recently saw the movie "Elizabeth The Golden Age" and two factors led me to a startling epiphany :
One - the timing of Queen Elizabeth's role on the world stage as the leader of an immensely powerful and progressive Empire being challenged existentially by an 'Evil Empire" driven by religious fanaticism . ( The Ayatollah Khomeini in the form of King Phillip of Spain.) - and the obvious comparison to What will confront "Queen" Hillary.
Two -- Elizabeth's dependence on her loyal and and trusted advisor -Sir Francis Walsingham (who's efforts unveil the Spanish plans to invade England with their Armada). And -- as i watched the amazing performance of Geoffrey Rush as Walsinham unfold -- i could not help but think of Bill Clinton back in the White House assuming those very same duties to save America and Queen Hillary from the evil Arabs.
The epiphany -- Hillary would not have become politically viable if the American people had not witnessed her great poise and strength during the Monica Lewinsky embarrassment. She relied on her faith in the Lord and the Christian belief in salvation and redemption (i am puking now) - to forgive Bill for his transgression -and to come through spiritually invigorated --born again. (i just threw up my socks)
And so -- the next "Ruler" Queen Hillary --with her wise advisor Sir Bill -- of the most powerful country in the world -- during a time of unprecedented challenges -- would not be poised to save the wold -- if Monica Lewinsky had not given Bill Clinton a blow job.
And what really blows (oops) my mind is that none of this would be happening -- If she swallowed properly, ( hence eliminating the telltale stain/evidence)
Now, why i made the leap from the movie to the Monica epiphany is something i will definitely have to discuss with my Rabbi. - It might have been because in the movie it's pretty clear that Elizabethh is dying to go down on Sir Walter Raleigh (who also reminded me of Bill) who winds up shtupping the Queens best friend.
Ain't life strange?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
US Corporate failures and Crooks Should Kill Thmselves Like Zhang Shuhong Did
BEIJING (Reuters) - The boss of a Chinese toy manufacturing company involved in a Mattel recall after its products were found to contain excessive lead levels has hanged himself, Chinese media reported on Monday.
Zhang Shuhong, a Hong Kong businessman in his 50s and boss of the Lida Toy Company in the southern province of Guangdong, was found dead in his factory workshop on Saturday, the semi-official Southern Metropolitan Daily said.
About 1.5 million preschool toys made by Lida Toy, a Foshan-based contract manufacturer for Mattel Inc.'s Fisher-Price unit, were recalled across the globe by the U.S. company last week.
Zhang is my kind of guy! No excuses and no one hundred million payout deal for fucking up. He saves the wife and kids years of listening to his recriminations and crybaby crapola - the stock holders save a huge pile of money; and the public and his financial cronies get an object lesson in real old fashioned accountability.
Hey -- Roman generals fell on their swords and Samurai warriors opened up their guts with a knife! -- The very least that those pampered failures at Enron or Citigroup or those Savings and Loan guys could do is follow the wonderful and ballsy example of Zhang Shuhong and go out and hang themselves.
And it should be mandated by the Securities and Exchange Commission that every board room of the fortune five hundred companies and all Hedge Fund executive offices have a picture prominently displayed on their wall of Zhang Shuhong swinging in the breeze. (that is, of course, until we build up a domestic rogues gallery of corporate swingers (pun))
Which one of you guys wants to be first? -- C'mon - Go out in style!
Zhang Shuhong, a Hong Kong businessman in his 50s and boss of the Lida Toy Company in the southern province of Guangdong, was found dead in his factory workshop on Saturday, the semi-official Southern Metropolitan Daily said.
About 1.5 million preschool toys made by Lida Toy, a Foshan-based contract manufacturer for Mattel Inc.'s Fisher-Price unit, were recalled across the globe by the U.S. company last week.
Zhang is my kind of guy! No excuses and no one hundred million payout deal for fucking up. He saves the wife and kids years of listening to his recriminations and crybaby crapola - the stock holders save a huge pile of money; and the public and his financial cronies get an object lesson in real old fashioned accountability.
Hey -- Roman generals fell on their swords and Samurai warriors opened up their guts with a knife! -- The very least that those pampered failures at Enron or Citigroup or those Savings and Loan guys could do is follow the wonderful and ballsy example of Zhang Shuhong and go out and hang themselves.
And it should be mandated by the Securities and Exchange Commission that every board room of the fortune five hundred companies and all Hedge Fund executive offices have a picture prominently displayed on their wall of Zhang Shuhong swinging in the breeze. (that is, of course, until we build up a domestic rogues gallery of corporate swingers (pun))
Which one of you guys wants to be first? -- C'mon - Go out in style!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Fox Announces "Green Card" Starring Paris Hilton
Once again those creative people over at Fox TV have found a way to provide a fun reality show with a positive social twist -- and also take some of the sting out of our cultural deprivation during the WGA strike.
A group of fabulous looking men and women will compete for the affection of American citizens who have agreed to marry the winners - thereby gaining them their coveted green cards and ultimately citizenship.
Paris Hilton told the bandit Hollywood reporter today; "I'm so excited about doing something worthwhile in my screwed up life - some lucky illegals will now get a chance to hump their way into American citizenship thanks to Fox TV."
She continued; "I'm like the perfect host for this cool new show and i might even marry one of those wetbacks myself if he can really light up my G spot and get my crab grass under control"
President Bush upon hearing about the show said; "Heh heh -- well, you know the Fox news channel has been called the "Bush News Network" and they always know how to arrange the news just right for us real Americanos -- and now along comes this "Green Card" show which might just be the answer to the immigration problema we've been a lookin for --hooray Fox!"
The contestants will spend a week at a resort with their potential future partners and will perform various housekeeping and landscaping and cooking and of course sex related activities.Finally there will be a lavish wedding and"Green Card"ceremonies for the lucky winners -- presided over by the Department of Immigration and Naturalization. (and Paris of course)
The President of Mexico was overheard telling an aide; "I would love to bang Paris Hilton in the burrito -- they can keep the green card"God bless Fox television and America!
Viva Fox!
A group of fabulous looking men and women will compete for the affection of American citizens who have agreed to marry the winners - thereby gaining them their coveted green cards and ultimately citizenship.
Paris Hilton told the bandit Hollywood reporter today; "I'm so excited about doing something worthwhile in my screwed up life - some lucky illegals will now get a chance to hump their way into American citizenship thanks to Fox TV."
She continued; "I'm like the perfect host for this cool new show and i might even marry one of those wetbacks myself if he can really light up my G spot and get my crab grass under control"
President Bush upon hearing about the show said; "Heh heh -- well, you know the Fox news channel has been called the "Bush News Network" and they always know how to arrange the news just right for us real Americanos -- and now along comes this "Green Card" show which might just be the answer to the immigration problema we've been a lookin for --hooray Fox!"
The contestants will spend a week at a resort with their potential future partners and will perform various housekeeping and landscaping and cooking and of course sex related activities.Finally there will be a lavish wedding and"Green Card"ceremonies for the lucky winners -- presided over by the Department of Immigration and Naturalization. (and Paris of course)
The President of Mexico was overheard telling an aide; "I would love to bang Paris Hilton in the burrito -- they can keep the green card"God bless Fox television and America!
Viva Fox!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Rudy Giuliani Stars In Remake Of Stephen King's "Dead Zone"
Rudy Giuliani Caught In The spotlight With Baby Bernie Kerick!
"It is always a sad day" , as United States Attorney Michael J. Garcia noted, when a law enforcement official is accused of breaking the law." That is especially true when the official was New York’s top jailer, the head of the nation’s largest police department, and nearly became the chief of a 180,000-member federal department charged with keeping America safe.
What's so scary is that Rudy still stands behind this piece of shit who is a thief and who completely screwed up the training of the Iraqi police force and then abandoned his post and ran back to America.
Rudy reminds me of Greg Stillson in Stephen King's novel "The Dead Zone" --involving an evil fanatic who almost gets elected president by a duped electorate eager to put a "Tough guy" in the White House.The hero of the story can read the future and knows this guy will start a nuclear war so he attemps to assasinate him at a political rally.
His shot misses, but Stillson grabs a baby from a mothers arms and uses it as a shield to protect himself --with the news cameras rolling!
What a sriking simile! - Bernie Keric is Rudy's baby!
Big lesson -- These dangerous men always seem to come along during tough and frightening times when their veiled pathology escapes our understanding and vision.
In Rudy's case this is not about getting rid of homeless people and squeegy men in NYC --this phony could be walking around with a suitcase full of nuclear attack codes -- and talking to his crazy fucking wife while he's got Ahmadinejad on hold. And -if you think he was such a big hero during 911 --why don't you get the NYC Fire Department's take on how he handled the disaster.
Yeah --Rudy has been fabulous when the cameras are rolling -- but he just got caught ------- with Baby Bernie Kerick in his arms!
So now we know!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
If You Vote For Giuliani After Reading This You Are Delusional
Columnist Gail Collins NY Times 11-8-07
Whenever you read that a candidate “values loyalty above all else” — run for the hills. Loyalty is a terribly important consideration if you’re choosing a pet, but not a cabinet member.
How about if this time we try for a president who would recruit gifted people who can accomplish great things, as opposed to a room full of dopes who will never write tell-all memoirs?
Loyalty is on our mind today because of the indictment of Bernard Kerik, the really, really loyal former New York City police commissioner. Rudy Giuliani, who was entirely responsible for Kerik’s meteoric rise from mayoral chauffeur, has not seemed to draw any great lessons from his protégé’s spectacular fall. Giuliani did say that he made a “mistake in not clearing him effectively enough,” which sounds as if he is kicking himself for not sending a second squad of detectives out to interview Kerik’s neighbors.
In fact, the lapse in the “clearing” procedure involved Giuliani ignoring the city investigations commissioner when he arrived with the news that Kerik was involved with a company suspected of having ties to organized crime.
Giuliani claims not to remember this moment in the vetting process, which seems sort of strange for a guy who made his career prosecuting the mafia and those-who-had-ties. The former mayor does, however, have a bad memory. We know this because he obtained an annulment of his 14-year-long first marriage on the grounds that he had forgotten that his wife was his second cousin.
On the terrible day of Sept. 11, 2001, Kerik was with the mayor as Giuliani left the disaster at ground zero, searching for a telephone to contact the outside world. Also loyally at the mayor’s side were three deputy mayors, the fire commissioner and the head of the Office of Emergency Management. They all walked north, in a little command-clump, intent on the central mission of protecting their main man. You would have thought, really, that the protecting job could have been done by youthful aides while the alleged leaders tended to the fire, emergency and police problems downtown.
But if anybody had stayed behind, focusing on the wider city rather than the man who had plucked them all out of obscurity and given them everything they had, how would he know they were loyal? The ties forged in that clump of commanders catapulted them into extremely well-paying jobs in the firm of Giuliani Partners and convinced the mayor to propose Bernard Kerik as the next chief of the Department of Homeland Security, a position for which he was approximately as well qualified as I am to be quarterback for the New England Patriots.
Giuliani had a great police commissioner, Bill Bratton, during his first term when all the critical crime-fighting apparatus for which the administration became so famous was put into place. But Bratton was not particularly loyal, in the sense that he did his job well, then enjoyed taking credit for it himself. And so he was gone.
There is an entire chapter in Rudy Giuliani’s famous book “Leadership” that is titled “Loyalty, the Vital Virtue.” In it, he pats himself on the back for making a man named Robert Harding the city’s budget director even though he knew the ever-feckless news media would point out that Harding’s father, Ray, was the chairman of the city’s Liberal Party, whose endorsement had done a great deal to get Giuliani elected mayor. “I wasn’t going to choose a lesser candidate simply to quiet the critics,” he said.
For some mysterious reason, the book skips over a much better loyalty lesson involving the very same family. Giuliani demonstrated his loyalty to Ray Harding, giver of the Liberal Party endorsement, not only by giving his qualified son a good job, but also by turning over the New York City Housing Development Corporation to another son, Russell, who wound up embezzling more than $400,000 for vacations, gifts and parties. We will not even go into the pornography part, except to point out in his defense that of the 15,000 sexually explicit images found on his computer, only a few were of children.
The Giuliani version of loyalty, which bears a terrifying resemblance to the George W. Bush brand of loyalty, is entirely about self-protection. An administration safe beneath the loyalty cone does not have to worry much about leaks to the press, or even whistle-blowing.
People can screw up, or fail to achieve their missions, knowing the guy at the top will protect them as long as they put his well-being ahead of anything else. When disaster strikes, the whole world may be falling apart, but they will all be clumped together, walking north
Whenever you read that a candidate “values loyalty above all else” — run for the hills. Loyalty is a terribly important consideration if you’re choosing a pet, but not a cabinet member.
How about if this time we try for a president who would recruit gifted people who can accomplish great things, as opposed to a room full of dopes who will never write tell-all memoirs?
Loyalty is on our mind today because of the indictment of Bernard Kerik, the really, really loyal former New York City police commissioner. Rudy Giuliani, who was entirely responsible for Kerik’s meteoric rise from mayoral chauffeur, has not seemed to draw any great lessons from his protégé’s spectacular fall. Giuliani did say that he made a “mistake in not clearing him effectively enough,” which sounds as if he is kicking himself for not sending a second squad of detectives out to interview Kerik’s neighbors.
In fact, the lapse in the “clearing” procedure involved Giuliani ignoring the city investigations commissioner when he arrived with the news that Kerik was involved with a company suspected of having ties to organized crime.
Giuliani claims not to remember this moment in the vetting process, which seems sort of strange for a guy who made his career prosecuting the mafia and those-who-had-ties. The former mayor does, however, have a bad memory. We know this because he obtained an annulment of his 14-year-long first marriage on the grounds that he had forgotten that his wife was his second cousin.
On the terrible day of Sept. 11, 2001, Kerik was with the mayor as Giuliani left the disaster at ground zero, searching for a telephone to contact the outside world. Also loyally at the mayor’s side were three deputy mayors, the fire commissioner and the head of the Office of Emergency Management. They all walked north, in a little command-clump, intent on the central mission of protecting their main man. You would have thought, really, that the protecting job could have been done by youthful aides while the alleged leaders tended to the fire, emergency and police problems downtown.
But if anybody had stayed behind, focusing on the wider city rather than the man who had plucked them all out of obscurity and given them everything they had, how would he know they were loyal? The ties forged in that clump of commanders catapulted them into extremely well-paying jobs in the firm of Giuliani Partners and convinced the mayor to propose Bernard Kerik as the next chief of the Department of Homeland Security, a position for which he was approximately as well qualified as I am to be quarterback for the New England Patriots.
Giuliani had a great police commissioner, Bill Bratton, during his first term when all the critical crime-fighting apparatus for which the administration became so famous was put into place. But Bratton was not particularly loyal, in the sense that he did his job well, then enjoyed taking credit for it himself. And so he was gone.
There is an entire chapter in Rudy Giuliani’s famous book “Leadership” that is titled “Loyalty, the Vital Virtue.” In it, he pats himself on the back for making a man named Robert Harding the city’s budget director even though he knew the ever-feckless news media would point out that Harding’s father, Ray, was the chairman of the city’s Liberal Party, whose endorsement had done a great deal to get Giuliani elected mayor. “I wasn’t going to choose a lesser candidate simply to quiet the critics,” he said.
For some mysterious reason, the book skips over a much better loyalty lesson involving the very same family. Giuliani demonstrated his loyalty to Ray Harding, giver of the Liberal Party endorsement, not only by giving his qualified son a good job, but also by turning over the New York City Housing Development Corporation to another son, Russell, who wound up embezzling more than $400,000 for vacations, gifts and parties. We will not even go into the pornography part, except to point out in his defense that of the 15,000 sexually explicit images found on his computer, only a few were of children.
The Giuliani version of loyalty, which bears a terrifying resemblance to the George W. Bush brand of loyalty, is entirely about self-protection. An administration safe beneath the loyalty cone does not have to worry much about leaks to the press, or even whistle-blowing.
People can screw up, or fail to achieve their missions, knowing the guy at the top will protect them as long as they put his well-being ahead of anything else. When disaster strikes, the whole world may be falling apart, but they will all be clumped together, walking north
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Us Corporate Failures Should Consider Suicide
BEIJING (Reuters) - The boss of a Chinese toy manufacturing company involved in a Mattel recall after its products were found to contain excessive lead levels has hanged himself, Chinese media reported on Monday.
Zhang Shuhong, a Hong Kong businessman in his 50s and boss of the Lida Toy Company in the southern province of Guangdong, was found dead in his factory workshop on Saturday, the semi-official Southern Metropolitan Daily said.
About 1.5 million preschool toys made by Lida Toy, a Foshan-based contract manufacturer for Mattel Inc.'s Fisher-Price unit, were recalled across the globe by the U.S. company last week.
Zhang is my kind of guy! No excuses and no one hundred million payout deal for fucking up. He saves the wife and kids years of listening to his recriminations and crybaby crapola - the stock holders save a huge pile of money; and the public and his financial cronies get an object lesson in real old fashioned accountability.
Hey -- Roman generals fell on their swords and Samurai warriors opened up their guts with a knife! --The least that those pampered failures at Enron or Citigroup or those Savings and Loan guys could do is follow the wonderful and ballsy example of Zhang Shuhong and go out and hang themselves.
And it should be mandated by the Securities and Exchange Commission that every board room of the fortune five hundred companies and all Hedge Fund executive offices have a picture prominently displayed on their wall of Zhang Shuhong swinging in the breeze. (that is, of course, until we build up a domestic rogues gallery of corporate swingers (pun))
Which one of you guys wants to be first? -- C'mon - Go out in style!
Zhang Shuhong, a Hong Kong businessman in his 50s and boss of the Lida Toy Company in the southern province of Guangdong, was found dead in his factory workshop on Saturday, the semi-official Southern Metropolitan Daily said.
About 1.5 million preschool toys made by Lida Toy, a Foshan-based contract manufacturer for Mattel Inc.'s Fisher-Price unit, were recalled across the globe by the U.S. company last week.
Zhang is my kind of guy! No excuses and no one hundred million payout deal for fucking up. He saves the wife and kids years of listening to his recriminations and crybaby crapola - the stock holders save a huge pile of money; and the public and his financial cronies get an object lesson in real old fashioned accountability.
Hey -- Roman generals fell on their swords and Samurai warriors opened up their guts with a knife! --The least that those pampered failures at Enron or Citigroup or those Savings and Loan guys could do is follow the wonderful and ballsy example of Zhang Shuhong and go out and hang themselves.
And it should be mandated by the Securities and Exchange Commission that every board room of the fortune five hundred companies and all Hedge Fund executive offices have a picture prominently displayed on their wall of Zhang Shuhong swinging in the breeze. (that is, of course, until we build up a domestic rogues gallery of corporate swingers (pun))
Which one of you guys wants to be first? -- C'mon - Go out in style!
My Idea To Save The Writers and The Entertainment Industry
There are now thousands of people walking picket lines and sitting in bars - creatively bullshitting one another -- who are usually busy bullshitting the rest of us -- putting down the words and phrases that keep us all from having to think about our shitty jobs –wives –responsibilities and fears and inadequacies -- death and dying - rejection and insecurities -- starving children in Dar-fur and getting a poisoned ball bearing in your guts and your legs blown into Hoboken by some illiterate moron trying to get into heaven.
Their bosses and financiers who control the entertainment distribution pipelines are like any other greedy businessman out to screw the little guy; only in this case the little guy can turn his energies into escapist comedy and tragedy instead of cleaning out a bedpan or driving a truck –so he gets more attention from us. (Karl Marx didn’t like that)
The way to deal with the networks is NOT to deal with them!
The writers should begin by creating a bunch of “Writer Blogs” -on which they can create a 24/7 parade of funny and dramatic programming (like one big SNL show) that encompasses the whole spectrum of entertainment programming.
Create synergy with You Tube ( and the whole UGC universe) for visual support and Current TV for news coverage and -- the whole collaboration could become :
“The Peoples Television Network”
And when it gets a billion hits worldwide –which it most certainly would - in come the advertisers. Then project expands into separate programs by entertainment genre across the Internet -- and the decline of the network dinosaurs will be accelerated by about a decade.
The hedge fund monsters will pour financing in -and actors and directors and all the necessary support folks will eventually follow the bucks and flock to the enterprise. Hell –there’s enough creative and production folks out of work at any given time in Hollywood to staff a dozen networks at a moments notice.
And the suits and bean counters at the networks will all be sitting around in shock wondering what they used to do – and why --and what the fuck went wrong?.
So start doing what you Writers do --Write! --entertain us - and laugh all the way to the bank.
And then YOU can start exploiting the NEW little guys -- it's the American way.
Their bosses and financiers who control the entertainment distribution pipelines are like any other greedy businessman out to screw the little guy; only in this case the little guy can turn his energies into escapist comedy and tragedy instead of cleaning out a bedpan or driving a truck –so he gets more attention from us. (Karl Marx didn’t like that)
The way to deal with the networks is NOT to deal with them!
The writers should begin by creating a bunch of “Writer Blogs” -on which they can create a 24/7 parade of funny and dramatic programming (like one big SNL show) that encompasses the whole spectrum of entertainment programming.
Create synergy with You Tube ( and the whole UGC universe) for visual support and Current TV for news coverage and -- the whole collaboration could become :
“The Peoples Television Network”
And when it gets a billion hits worldwide –which it most certainly would - in come the advertisers. Then project expands into separate programs by entertainment genre across the Internet -- and the decline of the network dinosaurs will be accelerated by about a decade.
The hedge fund monsters will pour financing in -and actors and directors and all the necessary support folks will eventually follow the bucks and flock to the enterprise. Hell –there’s enough creative and production folks out of work at any given time in Hollywood to staff a dozen networks at a moments notice.
And the suits and bean counters at the networks will all be sitting around in shock wondering what they used to do – and why --and what the fuck went wrong?.
So start doing what you Writers do --Write! --entertain us - and laugh all the way to the bank.
And then YOU can start exploiting the NEW little guys -- it's the American way.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Mitt Romney - Caught Telling Truth About His Sex Life
Mitt Romney Says Lots'a Pussy Is The Only Way For A Happy Marriage
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who has maintained in the face of wide concern about his Mormon faith, that Mormon ideology would play no part in his policies as president -- was overheard spilling the beans to a close aide!
The bandit informant stated; "I heard Mitt say that the concept of fidelity is ridiculous and that no red blooded male should or could be expected to only fuck one woman for the rest of his life!"
He said that Mitt went on a tirade as follows:" A fat ugly Christian conservative ,which is eighty percent of them, has no shot at getting hot pussy --so it's easy for them to preach about fidelity. Wer'e talking here about guys who think grunting into a fat cow and blowing their load instantlyonce a month is what a sex life is all about."
"Now you take attractive and rich and powerful and clever and fun guys like me -- every day there's some piece of ass throwing herself at me - these yo yo's who have no shot at hot pussy -- which they can only dream about and watch porno - have zero puusy options and they should not be judging those who do!"
"Now i want a family and a political career -- so i have to have a wife and put up a front for those corny values addicted morons out there. But let's be real about it -- if a cool dude wants to have a big family does he want to have one tiresome and wornout and overburdened future hag of a wife? --- Or, does he want to have a dozen or so hot wives that maintain their pussy heat over the long haul?"
"It's just too durned bad that we can't be open and honest about these issues because i know i can do a hell of a lot of good as president. and i hate lying about my pussy philosophy -- but if i get into that oval office -- cool dudes and hot pussy will have a friendly Mormon president in the white house."
He's definitely got my vote!
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who has maintained in the face of wide concern about his Mormon faith, that Mormon ideology would play no part in his policies as president -- was overheard spilling the beans to a close aide!
The bandit informant stated; "I heard Mitt say that the concept of fidelity is ridiculous and that no red blooded male should or could be expected to only fuck one woman for the rest of his life!"
He said that Mitt went on a tirade as follows:" A fat ugly Christian conservative ,which is eighty percent of them, has no shot at getting hot pussy --so it's easy for them to preach about fidelity. Wer'e talking here about guys who think grunting into a fat cow and blowing their load instantlyonce a month is what a sex life is all about."
"Now you take attractive and rich and powerful and clever and fun guys like me -- every day there's some piece of ass throwing herself at me - these yo yo's who have no shot at hot pussy -- which they can only dream about and watch porno - have zero puusy options and they should not be judging those who do!"
"Now i want a family and a political career -- so i have to have a wife and put up a front for those corny values addicted morons out there. But let's be real about it -- if a cool dude wants to have a big family does he want to have one tiresome and wornout and overburdened future hag of a wife? --- Or, does he want to have a dozen or so hot wives that maintain their pussy heat over the long haul?"
"It's just too durned bad that we can't be open and honest about these issues because i know i can do a hell of a lot of good as president. and i hate lying about my pussy philosophy -- but if i get into that oval office -- cool dudes and hot pussy will have a friendly Mormon president in the white house."
He's definitely got my vote!
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Don Imus Returns -- Woopee --Remember This Blog?
Monday, April 16, 2007
Don Imus To Write "I Made A Fucked-Up Joke" 100,000 Times
The 'Nappy headed Ho's" have agreed to forgive Don Imus if he writes his admission on a blackboard ( no pun intended) that will be positioned outside his New York studio and where the public can watch and spit on him and throw shit.
"It will take him approximately two days to complete his penance", said the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson " -- and we hope this teaches a lesson to all hymietown nigger haters,"added the Rev. Jackson.
Imus who makes his living pouring satire and irony over the inferno of hypocritical horseshit that is relentlessly spilled out onto their followers, who eat it like candy, from ideologues like Jackson and Sharpton and Oreilly and Limbaugh and : (oh you get my drift).
All Imus had to add to his misplaced comment was; "Those nappy headed Ho's are some fine basketball playin motherfuckas -- and we can't wait for those bitches to kick some ass all the way next season; after some well earned r&r sucking some big black cocks on the beach somewhere." He left the joke out of a bad joke -- he's a professional joker -- he needs a few days with Chris Rock. -- But let's not forget: his objective was comic satire -- not ethnic cleansing or racism.(ie. Anne Coulter or Mel Gibson or Jesse Jackson).
So-- guilty as charged -- he made a bad joke! So -- now -- what's the penalty for the lies and hypocrisy and deception and malicious racial hatred and dystopian policies that emanate from our political and religious and cultural icons like a shit fountain?
Any recommendations?
Don Imus To Write "I Made A Fucked-Up Joke" 100,000 Times
The 'Nappy headed Ho's" have agreed to forgive Don Imus if he writes his admission on a blackboard ( no pun intended) that will be positioned outside his New York studio and where the public can watch and spit on him and throw shit.
"It will take him approximately two days to complete his penance", said the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson " -- and we hope this teaches a lesson to all hymietown nigger haters,"added the Rev. Jackson.
Imus who makes his living pouring satire and irony over the inferno of hypocritical horseshit that is relentlessly spilled out onto their followers, who eat it like candy, from ideologues like Jackson and Sharpton and Oreilly and Limbaugh and : (oh you get my drift).
All Imus had to add to his misplaced comment was; "Those nappy headed Ho's are some fine basketball playin motherfuckas -- and we can't wait for those bitches to kick some ass all the way next season; after some well earned r&r sucking some big black cocks on the beach somewhere." He left the joke out of a bad joke -- he's a professional joker -- he needs a few days with Chris Rock. -- But let's not forget: his objective was comic satire -- not ethnic cleansing or racism.(ie. Anne Coulter or Mel Gibson or Jesse Jackson).
So-- guilty as charged -- he made a bad joke! So -- now -- what's the penalty for the lies and hypocrisy and deception and malicious racial hatred and dystopian policies that emanate from our political and religious and cultural icons like a shit fountain?
Any recommendations?
Friday, November 02, 2007
Hillary and Bill Complete Oral Sex Boot Camp With Honors
Responding to attacks by Barak Obamalama that Bill would be risky (meaning frisky) to have as first man -- she stated at a press conference today:
" After Bill got sucked off in the oval orifice (heh heh ) by Monica Lewinsky, i took a long hard (forgive the pun)look at the situation and had to admit to myself that i was starving a very virile man of a key ingredient in his emotional composition; the need for oral sex which is a very deep and important drive in both men and women -- and a necessity for the fulfillment of a complete relationship."
She continued; "After Bill and i completed an extremely demanding 'Oral Sex Boot Camp Training' -- which, bye the way, is so rigorous that experts call it the Navy Seal training equivalent of Deep Diving. (oops)" -
"Bill came in first in the class and i came in second. ( the woman that came in first could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch (heh hehheh) -- our marriage completely changed and we are like a pair of lovebirds."
"Bill, now says,when he stops screaming and moaning, that he can hardly walk after i finish -- and i don't mean to get personal but last week our security team almost broke into our soundproof bedroom after Bill performed his 'Dive" on me. -- i actually snapped one of the posts off George Washington's bed when i climaxed"
"Anyway -- Bill is under control -- and as first man he will be a great asset to the political process in effectively serving the American people -- and he sure will provide an important ongoing function for Madam President."
Stay tuned for --candidates views on oral sex -- it's all about "Values"
" After Bill got sucked off in the oval orifice (heh heh ) by Monica Lewinsky, i took a long hard (forgive the pun)look at the situation and had to admit to myself that i was starving a very virile man of a key ingredient in his emotional composition; the need for oral sex which is a very deep and important drive in both men and women -- and a necessity for the fulfillment of a complete relationship."
She continued; "After Bill and i completed an extremely demanding 'Oral Sex Boot Camp Training' -- which, bye the way, is so rigorous that experts call it the Navy Seal training equivalent of Deep Diving. (oops)" -
"Bill came in first in the class and i came in second. ( the woman that came in first could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch (heh hehheh) -- our marriage completely changed and we are like a pair of lovebirds."
"Bill, now says,when he stops screaming and moaning, that he can hardly walk after i finish -- and i don't mean to get personal but last week our security team almost broke into our soundproof bedroom after Bill performed his 'Dive" on me. -- i actually snapped one of the posts off George Washington's bed when i climaxed"
"Anyway -- Bill is under control -- and as first man he will be a great asset to the political process in effectively serving the American people -- and he sure will provide an important ongoing function for Madam President."
Stay tuned for --candidates views on oral sex -- it's all about "Values"
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