"Out With A Bang!" Plan Endorsed By AARP

Dr.Moishe Pipick - President of The AARP (Almost Alive Retired People) -which covers 68% of ALL seniors -announced today:

About $67 billion — nearly a third of the money spent by Medicare — goes to patients in the last two years of life. The need to spend less money at the end of life “is the elephant in the room,” Evan Thomas wrote in “The Case for Killing Granny,” the cover story in last week’s Newsweek. “Everyone sees it but no one wants to talk aboutAbout $67 billion — nearly a third of the money spent by Medicare — goes to patients in the last two years of life. The need to spend less money at the end of life “is the elephant in the room,” Evan Thomas wrote in “The Case for Killing Granny,” the cover story in last week’s Newsweek. “Everyone sees it but no one wants to talk about

Dr. Pipick continued: "Under the 'Go Out With A Bang!" plan - If you have less than three years to live - -THen - instead of wasting away and being shlepped from one test and one Doctor to another -and then finally and inevitably expiring with your loved ones broke while watching you turn into a dead cabbage roll:

"You can "Go Out With A Bang" - Yep -we'll give you a cash payment (twenty percent of what your treatment would have been) and ALL the drugs and/or booze you want - including synthetic Viagra which will turn the clock on your libido and commensurrate libidinal organs -Back fifty years -AND access to all the Male and/or Female hookers you desire!

Pipick concluded; " The savings wil result in the average medical plan costing most folks under three -hundred dollars a year -And that's with universal coverage - including illegal aliens!"

So - "Go Out With A Bang!" (Not available to most folks under seventy five)

Glen Beck Say's Sarah Palin Has Rotton Pussy

'When i woke after a night of humping Sarah Palin - I thought for a minute that i woke up in an Eskimo fishing village after they had just finished cleaning their Salmon catch." - Said Beck after returning from Wasilla where he was shooting wolves from a helicoptor with Sarah and Todd.

He said;"I really don't find her attractive but Todd begged me to fuck her because he hurt his dick while fucking an Elk -and he said Sarah is so horny she is starting to eye her children and has already raped their old Eskimo housekeeper"

"Wow -But he didn't tell me what a rotton pussy she has! - I only hope my dick doesn't fall off?"

He concluded "Sarah needs to douche with something really strong -or maybe use some kind of flamethrower up her hole ?"

Glenn Beck Says Sarah Palin Needs To Douche

'When i woke after a night of humping Sarah Palin - I thought for a minute that i woke up in an Eskimo fishing village after they had just finished cleaning their Salmon catch." - Said Beck after returning from Wasilla where he was shooting wolves from a helicoptor with Sarah and Todd.

He said;"I really don't find her attractive but Todd begged me to fuck her because he hurt his dick while fucking an Elk -and he said Sarah is so horny she is starting to eye her children and has already raped their old Eskimo housekeeper"

"Wow -But he didn't tell me what a rotton pussy she has! - I only hope my dick doesn't fall off?"

He concluded "Sarah needs to douche with something really strong -or maybe use some kind of flamethrower up her hole ?"

Army Recruits Will Get Balls Busted By A Real Pro

FORT JACKSON, S.C. — It may come as no surprise that the Army’s new top drill sergeant idolizes Gen. George S. Patton Jr., has jumped out of planes 33 times, aces every physical training test and drives a black Corvette with “noslack” vanity plates.

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Breaking Through the Ranks

But consider this: the sergeant is a woman.

On Tuesday, the Army will make Command Sgt. Maj. Teresa L. King, 48, commandant of its drill sergeant school here. It is a first. No woman has run one of the Army’s rigorous schools for drill instructors.

Well -it's about time the Army woke up and found out what every red blooded American Male has known from birth:

That women are the greatest and most efficient Ball Busters on Planet Earth!

So welcome Terry! - Maybe now we'll get some much needed state of the art NUT Busting for our troops who have gotten soft under the amateur Nut Cracking from MALE drill instructors.

I mean - if you want to kick a guy in the grapes - get a woman!

I mean -who do you think is cracking the nuts of those macho Marine DI's when they arrive home after a day of beating up on recruits? - No wonder they're in no shape for serious nut cracking in the am -Their wives have been at work breaking their balls from the time they got home from the field.

It's heartening to know that military ball breaking has reached the level of intensity -at last! -Which civilian men have experienced since Eve tore off Adam's cajones.

First Recorded Case Of "Coyote Leg" Reported

A team of doctors from "Coyote Arm" International has confirmed that Manny Orbach from Bensonhurst in Brooklyn NYC - Chewed off a large chunk of his leg (which had to be subsequently amputated) -thinking it was his arm) when he awoke from a night of drunken revelry with Elise Mandelbaum draped across his body.

Mr. Orbach stated for the record; " I opened my eyes and when i saw it/her and i started to scream but was able to muffle it right away - THEN realizing how entangled we were -and in a complete state of panic and hysteria that i might awaken her/it - and be forced to engage it - I did the manly thing and went right for my arm - not realizing i was gnawing through my leg before it was too late"

He continued; "Fortunately i was able to extricate myself from under her and crawl away for help -and praise be to the lord that she was still zonked out enough that she didn't awaken - or i would have had to kill myself"

Moishe Pipick - president of World Wide Coyote Arm International praised Mr. Orbach for his courage -and said;

"Manny Orbach is a testimonial to the power and pride of ALL Men and we at WWCA are making sure he will receive the latest in prosthetic surgery and rehabilitation -and are awarding him The Coyote Arm (and now Leg) Legion of Honor -which carries a cash prize of one million dollars along with the many sponsor endorsements which are already coming his way"

He concluded; "However - we are not formally endorsing 'Coyote Leg" and recommend that you take a minute to get your bearings - take a deap breath -and go for the ARM!"

WHO has Bill Clinton Been Shtupping Lately?

Aren't you dying to know? -I mean if you're one of those people who thinks he is being faithful to Hil -then there is an 87% chance that your wife is in a motel at this moment with your best friend.

Hey -I LOVE Wiliie - He was a great president and a super guy and is doing wonderful work on behalf of humanity as we speak

But - he is also -as we speak - getting great head and shtupped silly -on a regular basis - from some of the hottest women on Earth!.

What's that you say? - he wouldn't do that to Hil? - Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahhaha!

Hhahahahahah -Oh my god - Hil would rather have some nice fresh brush in her teeth than Bill's crookedy weeny anyday -And as long as he doesn't embarass her or Chelsea - it's totally cool with Hil.

They adore and respect each other - but wake up and smell the roses - Bill is out there humping and thumping his way across the globe like some randy rabbit -and LOVIN it!

C'mon Bill - give us a clue! You are the coolest pol that ever lived - just a little bitty clue - a taste!

Worldwide "Coyote Arm" Gathering Draws Millions

Men -from around the world - who have chewed off their arm so as to not risk waking the "Beast" they found snuggled up next to them after a drunken night of partying - joined together in Basil Switzerland today -To celebrate their collegial honor and bravery -and to warn "Men Everywhere" of the potential consequences of "Drunken Passion".

Moishe Pipick - Leader of the UCAF (Universal Coyote Arm federation) - chosen for being the first man to chew off BOTH arms when he woke up with TWINS - who in his words. "Defied the theory of evolution" announced:

"Men who have lost an arm in the service of drunken passion - bear witness and testimony to our eternal weakness for "Drunken Passion" and the price some of us must pay for the dignity of All men Everywhere!"

Mr. Pipick went on; "And while there has been an attempt by the women marching outside our gathering to establish a "Coyote Arm" organization of their own -we can see by the number of one armed women marching - that they have a limited following"

"And - we have it on good sources - that most of those one armed women were the victims of MEN who got their arms mixed up"

"And in conclusion" - said Pipick -"I am so proud to see the growing numbers of TWO ARM Coyote Men". -"It takes great courage to chew off both arms - And we salute them!"