Simple Lie Detector To Identify Homo Priests

It's so simple -EVERY priest (including the Pope) and every applicant for the Clergy gets wired up and asked these questions:

Are you a homo?

Do you get excited thinking about a young man's asshole?

Have you ever tongue kissed a male?

Do you think Paris Hilton licking your balls is exciting?

If leonardo De Caprio grabbed your cock would you be thrilled?

If Cameron Diaz crawled into your bed and put her thumb in your prostate would it be exciting?

Would you suck the Pope's dick if he asked you?

Do you think God is a homo?

Simple as pie - if you pass this test we know our kids ain't gonna get the high hard one from a Homo Priest.

Your Welcome

Sarah Palin Will Orbit Earth To "GET IT" - so she says

Palin Will Orbit Earth To Understand Important Global Issues


John (Caspar the Ghost) Mccaine announced at a press conference today;

“When you see how much Sarah has learned about Russian politics and history – from just being able to see a wee part of it’s landmass from Alaska :”

‘Well -- just imagine how much she will learn about Global politics and priorities – by looking out at the Earth from space?”

He stated; “She is a very quick study – and I would say that after her first pass over the Earth’s key conflict zones – Wam! – she’ll really get it --all of it!!”

“I mean we were driving together from the Detroit airport last week – on our way to a Republican rally - and she said to me:”

“Wowee John - the rustbelt - I see it – I mean I get it! –I mean like cars rusting - the auto industry right? - Oh cool! –Yeah – Now I get it!”

Mccaine went on; “That’s what I call - instant get it! - I mean this is a girl who has been living in a fucking refrigerator her whole life - metaphorically speaking of course”

“And” – he concluded “When she gets back from seeing everything down here from outer space – and getting everything? – whoa!’
I sure wouldn’t want to be my old pal --Joe Biden – when he debates her."

Please dear Lord - help us with this one - this is no longer funny - maybe you could just kill her -and take a little time off - your'e working too hard

Mc Caine Requests That Vulgarity Be Allowed In Debates

Well - Casper (The Friendly Ghost) McCaine - has decided that in the interests of "Straight Talking" with the American people - "he and Obama should be allowed to use vulgarities in addressing one another"

He stated; "Look - everyone knows I'm a straight shooter - and so let's just cut the crap and have some conversations with each other that most Americans can really relate to!"

"For example - Barak -your proposal for universal health care sucks!"

He explained; "Now that says a hell of a lot more than some high falutin detailed - gobbeldeegook analysis of this key issue."

"The folks out there deserve to know EXACTLY what the situation is - in terms they can relate to!"

He said; "For example - on Iraq - i would like to say - in "Straight Talk Express" lingo to Obama - Yo Obama - you are a fucking pussy with your cut and run agenda on troop withdrawal!"

"Now -you see how unambiguous that answer is?" -"Or - regarding abortion for example - How's this sound? --Hey Barak - maybe you think life begins whenever the fuck YOU think it does - but a lot of folks don't think that you are God - (most folks think God is white -heh! heh!)"

"Oh yeah - and about the racial thing! -if Obama wants to call me a white honky - go for it! -Shit - i'll just call him a fucking chocolate Muslim and the air will be cleared once and for all -and we can put all that racial crapola behind us."

Elise mandelbaum the Bandit Washington bureau chief asked Casper;

"Well do you draw the line anywhere with this vulgar straight talk?"

Whitey responded: "Yes - absolutely! - I will not call his wife a cunt! - and he should not call Cindy - say - an old rich honky hooker -or stuff like that."

"Oh - and no goin after the phsical stuff - like calling my arms flippers and about me looking like an old Klan member - or shit like that which could debases the tone of the debates."

"And - i will not talk about his Chimpy ears and face (ooh --eeeee-aaa -heh!heh! ) - sorry couldn't resist that - but you get the idea Elise?"

"And maybe we should refrain from just plain name calliing -that's not issue related -like 'You are a fucking cocksucker Obama!'

He concluded; "But i do think the public would like some of that - as it goes to the character of the man."

"And i do think he is a complete fucking putz asshole!"

California Village of Pine Mountain Breaks World Record For TV watching

Pine Mountain Club Does It Again!

That tiny mountain community - nestled in a pine covered valley –surrounded by the Los Padres national Forest – and majestically towered over by Mt. Pinos ” (70 miles north of LA)

Has done it again!

Just last month they broke a seven hundred year old record for the most alcohol consumed per capita of any village in the world. (previously held by the people of Gavalt – in northern Siberia ;

And now – they have shattered the record for the most number of hours spent watching television - formerly held since 1952 by the Eskimo village of Shitumaoutsky (which means “It’s to shitty to go out”) -where the average temperature is 48 below zero. (and where Sarah Palin was born - to a Virgin Inuit Eskimo)

Moishe Pinsky – President of The World Television Association – told us – when we caught up with him filling up at the Pine Mountain Club Gas Station:

“This is really an achievement for the folks of Pine Mountain! - The weather here is georgous, and you would think folks would be outside enjoying it in this beautiful environment? “

“I mean – the average peson in this community watched ninety eight hours (in an average week) of TV last year – and you gotta figure that the kids had to be way up over that:”

“I mean – these folks ain’t doin much except maybe workin a little and watchin TV !– And judging by the size of them and the kids iv’e seen around here so far -- moooo! – unk! unk! --soooeee! “

“I just filled up here at five bucks a gallon at this rip-off station – so maybe they can’t afford to go out anywhere - but jeez –I wonder if the kids even go to school?”

“I mean – five of them just came out of the video store –and they musta weighed over a ton all together - they looked like a small herd of Bison!”

I notice they have an expansive recreation area with a ballfield and basketball courts – but there ain’t a kid in sight?”

He went on; “Come to think of it –maybe with their record breaking alcohol consumption up here - the adults are too stewed to motivate the kids to do anything?”

“I saw a bunch of bikers coming out of the local bar and two of them were puking on their boots – maybe the locals are too terrified to leave their cabins?”

“ President Pipick concluded; “Well – anyway – I’m goin over to the Ceremony at the Pine Mountain Club Clubhouse – to present the award .”

“I wonder if anyone will show Up?”

“It’s kinda scary around here!”

RedneckWolf Killers Will Have To Beat Their Wives and Kids For Kicks

In a happy ending to the Center for Biological Diversity's fight to ensure protections for northern Rockies gray wolves, the Bush administration announced this week that it's giving up and putting the wolf back on the endangered species list.

Thanks to a suit filed by the Center and 11 allies in April, this summer a judge reversed the administration's March decision to remove the wolves' protections, ending a period of indiscriminate wolf slaughter in Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and parts of Oregon and Washington.

Now, right before public wolf hunting was planned to begin this fall, the administration has decided to withdraw its rule alleging that wolves don't need Endangered Species Act protection -- just in time.

So now the lunatic fringe of the wacko general hunting crowd are hanging around Gun n Ammo shops in Shitburgs all across America - crying in their beers about the "liberal pansy elite Jews " who spoiled all their cruel fun.

"Those fucking queer tree huggers really fucked us this time!" said Wally "small cock" Thatcher" - over at the 'Boise Gun Barrel Bar and Grill' "I promised young Wally Jr. he would get to kill a wolf this season."

"Well hell -the guvernmint ainta gonna stop me nohow!" said Perliss "Pork Fat" Williams, "I'm gonna kill me a wolf -just like that Sarah Palin and her Eskimo husband do - and if'n i see any Jews out there in the woods - they gonna get a bullet too!"

"Hey Yooo!" - "Hee yoo -mah haha!" said small cock - yep - boy would i like to kill a Kike - and i'd put his head over the mantle with his Yomicker still on it"

"Well youd have to take that doe head down to put up the Jew -wuntcha?" said pork fat.

'Small cock replied "Id'd be worth it!"

In the mean ( a pun) time - the good ole boys will get all liquored up and do what they do best - be cruel to their wives and children.

Israelis To Use Birth Control Agents Against Islamofascism

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Israel To Put Birth Control Agent In Arab Water
Dr.Moishe Pipick. -- Minister of The Israeli Experimental Defense Agency -- responded to a leaked and classified initiative by his agency to stop the out of control birth rate in the Arab world:

"I will say this -- does the world need more suicide bombers? -- does the world need more illiterate and abused and brainwashed children? - Does the world need more children who will become dysfunctional; -- and become totally ignorant and angry and hopeless death worshiping adults? --Does the world need more people who will destroy civilization?

He continued; "They are breeding like rats - at a time when the civilized societies of the world are placing a higher priority on having fewer children -- but children with the potential to lead more enlightened and vital lives and to achieve some measure of clarity calm and comfort, self fulfillment and happiness."

"So -- yes - said Dr. Pipick - it is true!" He said; "We are putting a contraception chemical in the water supplies of some Arab countries -- and so now - when - they force their dirty Arab Muslim extremist schlongers into their screaming women -- and when they knock these pitifull enslaved wives to the ground -- rip off their Burkah's - and shtup their brains out -- they will be shooting blanks!

"Asked about world reaction to this arbitrary and questionable activity Dr. Pipick responded; "Look,these people are animals -- they have no respect for sensitive and caring parenting. They knock out children like bugs with no regard for their health, welfare or education --enormous growing populations of neglected children, and none of their leaders cry out against the sickening conditions:

"And the Mullahs fill the youngsters with venom and hatred --they can't even read or write -- they memorize verses in the Koran they don't understand -- and by ten years old they are ready to don suicide belts -- zombies manufactured by evil priests who worship death -- it's right out of a horror movie -- except it's real!"

"He went on;"And now that the cat is out of the bag you should know that while we are trying to control the human assembly line production of future Arab fanatics -- we are also artificially enhancing the birth potential of our own people --and in an ironic twist -- the people's of northern Europe including Germany - through their lakes,rivers and reservoirs."

"We felt the world did not need any more French than is absolutely necessary and the UK is just fine the way it is.(we are also considering putting birth control agents in all the USA red states )

"And - in addition - -- i'm sure the world would agree with our plan to stop the explosive breeding in most African countries (if you want to stretch your imagination and call them countries)"

"The problem with the Africans - is that their testosterone levels are so high it's very difficult --and their water is so polluted it weakens the birth control agent."

"The world will be angry with Israel won't it retaliate?" --said the bandit Israeli bureau chief --Elise mandelbaum.

Dr.Pipick replied; " Sure --but the world is always pissed off at the Jews anyway.- I ask the world -- do you want a bright future for your children -- or do you want Apocalypse Now and a remake of the Road Warrior -- for real?"

Harvard is To Blame For Collapse of Financial Institutions

Doctor Moishe Pipick - professor of advanced accounting and audit procedures - who has taught in the Harvard MBA program for thirty years - and which counts among it's graduates - more high level financial executives than any other MBA program in the world - said today:

"Today's MBA graduates are a bunch of fucking assholes compared to ten or twenty years ago! - I mean -has everyone forgotton that GW got an MBA from this diploma mill for well connected wasps and future Shylocks?"

"It's a disgrace! -these spoiled avaricious greedy little brats - with zero balls and character and a total disconnect with honorable and effective long term business practices - without an ounce of street smarts
and practical knowledge;'

"All they know are algorthymic programs and maneuvers to get rich quick - to get into the mix where folks are generating hard won equity and slice and dice a nice fat chunk of "Flesh" for themselves:"

"They are one step below the loansharks! - They trade on their interconnected and personal relationships and secret handshakes and family fortunes and political clout - to skim the cream off the top of the economy "

"And - they always land on their feet when the shit hits the fan - while the poor slobs are left holding their bags full of manure."

"And Yale and Stamford and Uof P and all the other prestigious MBA programs are turning out the same crop of greedy and carniverous - mean spirited and totally unethical fucking assholes ."

Digibandit financial editor - Elise Mandelbaum asked professor Pipick why he still teaches here -with that attitude?

He replied; "It's a gig - and - as Clark Gable said to Vivian Leigh in 'Gone With The Wind' -"Quite frankly - my dear -i don't give a damn!"

"And neither does anyone else in this Ivy League rat's nest - prep school for high level crooks and cheats."

Seniors and Prisoners Required To Generate Energy

A new energy proposal initiated by VP Dick Cheney would require senior citizens on medicare or in public nursing homes; all people on medicaide or on welfare , and all federal prisoners to generate electricity by pedaling on stationery bikes or walking on tread mills - which would be installed by Haliburton.

"The energy produced will help to replace our dependence on foreign oil -- it will be environmental friendly -- it will be cost efficient (no labor costs) and it will improve the health of folks who are adding heavily to our rising medical costs and who contribute very little to Society in general."

The next phase of this plan would be the installation of "electricity sensitive carpeting" where the elderly can Shuffle along and generate static elecricity (Zap), where excercize bikes or treadmills are not practical - or for use by people not strong enough to bycycle or walk fast enough.

Senator Ted Kennedy called the plan "shocking". -But Dr. Gita Pipick - head of research at the World Wide Alternative Energy Foundation - in Berne Switzerland -stated at a press conference today:

"This is a win win solution for all involved - and for all those folks who cannot afford heat this winter -we are working on home static electricity generators."

She concluded; - "And the constant shuffling will also generate body heat and promote good health!"

American's Will Soon Start Selling Their Children - Say's New Study

“When people view themselves as doing worse financially, then that motivates them to purchase lottery tickets,” said Dr. Moishe Pipick, a postdoctoral associate at the Yale School of Management who in July published a research paper on lotteries in The Journal of Behavioral Decision Making.

"People are getting desperate! - This lottery thing is a sure sign!" - said Pipick.
“People look to the lottery to get back to where they were financially.”
“With lottery sales at record setting sales levels – and financially strapped folks spending their kids food money to win state lotteries with astronomically ridiculous odds:

It is now only a matter of time before they will start selling their children.”
Dr. Pipick continued; “I mean – there is a better chance that Paris Hilton will crawl into some fat greasy redneck’s trailer and give him a blow job - than winning the ‘Lollapalooza Twenty Thousand Jackpot Ticket’ -- from the local market”

“I mean - his porky wife has a better chance of Antonio Banderas jumping her in the Walmart parking lot - than winning at one of these ridiculous marketing scams.”

“And - his redneck kids have a better chance – statistically - of getting into Harvard – or winning a Nobel Prize - than winning the ‘Fifty Thousand Dollar Jesus Loves You’ scratch off - at the local Stuckeys.”

“This indicates total FINANCIAL desperation on the part of many Americans!”
Pipick went on; “There is a huge market in the selling of children in all of the third world countries - and a lot of folks in The United States feel just as desperate about not being able to feed their shopping frenzies - to buy some gas or beer – or some other cheap shit, - as starving folks in Calcutta do about getting a tiny bowl of rice.”

“Hey” – he concluded – “I might just buy a lottery ticket to win a blow job from Paris Hilton?”

Sarah Palin Galvanizes The Neanderthals

The Right Wing-Nuts Are Back in Force – Viva Palin!


Her come the Creationists – the Animal killers and GunToters - the Book Banners and the Homophobes - The Snake Chewers and the Oil Drillers – the whole anti science anti progress anti intellect – stupid fucking assholes who just love and are totally reenergized by:

Sarah the Eskimo -- hick jerk from the North Country -- Annie Oakley on steroids with a bible strapped to each tit – an AK 47 in her arms and a skinning knife in her belt:

Followed by a passle of demented and lusty rug rats and a husband with an icicle for a dick.

“Hallelujah! -Hallelujah!” – screams Sarah. “Get your torches and pitchforks and march to the White House! - “Kill the liberal Frankensteins!” - “Attack Russia – Slay the illegals – Slaughter the Abortionists – Denut the Gays and the Poets and all the faggot intellectuals and greens and….”

And – oh boy - the ignorant rural masses are eating this crap up like fried pork rinds.

DR. Moishe Pipick – head of the World Cultural and Universal Scientific Center For Social research – said today – at a conference in Geneva Switzerland:

“Not since the early days of the Social Democrats and the emergence of the Nazi Party have we seen such a cultural divide in a modern industrial Nation.”

Dr Pipick continued; “The US Presidential election is shaping up as a marked contest between the ignorant bible belting rednecks on the far right -- the hysterical lunatic fringe intellectuals on the far left – and the basically normal and progressive (but really pissed off) and mostly normal -- moderates and independents in the middle.”

Pipick concluded; “And - Boy oh boy - if that Ignorant Cracker Palin ever gets into to a position of power?”

"Oye Vey!"

Sarah Palin' Should Be Aerial Hunted - Skinned and Eaten

I posted the following blog two weeks ago - and now we find out that Sarah Palin is an advocate for the Aerial killing of Wolves in Alaska!

Sadly, in Idaho, wolves are nothing more than another game animal to be managed for the benefit of human hunters. Beginning on Sept. 15, any Idaho hunter with a hunting license and $10.50 for a wolf tag will be entitled to shoot one wolf, at least until the quota of dead wolves in his region has been reached.

And how will a hunter know if the local quota has been reached? There will be a hot line, of course!

A beatiful sentient social pack animal - genetic monarch of our beloved dogs - a magnificent symbol of beauty and freedom and the power and glory of our shrinking natural world;

Slaughtered by pscho red necks for what?

These same sickos would eagerly purchase a game tag for the pure pleasure of shooting a "Wild Jew" -or any person of color - or retarded people -- no problema!

How in the fuck can we let these pathetic sub humans roam among us with guns and liscences to kill for the pure pleasure of their demented egos?

Call your elected representatives - do something!

And - as far as that Alaskan psycho?

Eskimo Chief Says Tim Palin Had Sex With An Alaskan Caribou

Tinkla Pipick - a seventy year old Inuit Chief - who helped guide Tim Palin on his last three Ironman competitions, said today - from his Igloo on the Alaskan glacier:

"On several nights when we were camped out on the freezing tundra - i saw Tim sneak out of his sleeping bag in the snow machine and slip into the Caribou herd"

"When i approached the herd to see if he was alright - i saw him mounting a huge female Caribou!"

He continued; "On one occasion Tim caught me watching him hump a Caribou and he warned me that :"My cunty wife might be running for national office - and if this gets out i won't be the only one without a scrotum!"

Chief Pipick said; "I'm only spilling the beans now because i could not live with myself - if that ignorant Witch and her Caribou fucking husband landed in the White House."

"And - i feel real bad about the Caribou!"

God Speaks To Sarah Palin - Wow!

In a speech last June to her former church in Wasilla, Ms. Palin said the war in Iraq was “a task that is from God.” (Mr. Bush made similar claims as he rejected all sound mortal advice on how to conduct the war.)

And -- In her speech to the Wasilla Assembly of God in June, Ms. Palin said it was “God’s will” that the federal government contribute to a $30 billion gas pipeline she wants built in Alaska.

I guess God is a bit absent minded - or he was just so preoccupied with telling her about his positions on Iraq and the Pipeline that he forget to mention about her daughters little problem.

Ah well - it was nice of McCaine to remind us once again that Government by "Tooth Fairy" is never far away in this great Christian country of ours.

If Casper chokes on a pretzel and VP Palin is walking around with that satchel full of Nukem codes - i'll bet the Russkies might just get a tad nervous?

You know the formula dontcha? - AC=I- 40% IQ -- or - Absolute Certainty Equals Intellect Minus forty percent IQ .

Or - blind faith is for morons

Aircraft Carrier nets To be Used At US Open To Contain Williams Sisters

"I was constantly afraid that she would rip through the net and trample me like a giant black Rhinocerous" said Moishe pipick head referee at the US Open.

The head of the tournament safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent the Williams sisters from ploughing right on through when they thunder up to the net;

"Our tests have shown,"said the US Open's chief engineer - Arthur Cornwitz, - that a woman of their size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court.

"He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the US Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on US aircraft carriers to stop the fighter planes from crashing through and into the ocean :"

But Admiral Meyer Pinsky - Captain of the eastern battle carrier group expressed his concern; --- "Having seen the thrusting power of these amazing amazons on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her?"

When confronted with the dilemma Serena Williams said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test HIS burly black ass!"

Venus stated; "Ain't no net on earth can hold me!"
at 12:27 PM

Sarah Palin Is Just Absolutely Thrilled About Her Teenage Daughter Getting Knocked Up!

"Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents," Sarah and Todd Palin said in the brief statemen

Thats a political spin statement by "Whiteys" incredulous choice for VP that means:

"Yeah - my stupid fucking seventeen year old daughter is knocked up by some local Alaskan redneck - just what the fuck i need right now!"

" And It was fucking considerate of her to wait to tell me right after i was chosen Caspers running mate"

If i were Obama i'd be running ads with that classic rock tune -- "The Girls In Bristol Are Hot As A Pistol When They Do The Bristol Stomp" - playing over videos of an exuberantSarah - celebrating the socially conservative and wonderful news that her teenage daughter is pregnant - out of wedlock.(and didn't tell her dear mom for five months)


Maybe Sarah Palin should be telling American teenagers to keep their knees together instead of advertising the joys of teenage pregnancy?

And -- In case you didn't know it - "Bristol" was named for a tiny shithole town in Alaska called Bristol Bay Borough -- a borough of the U.S. state of Alaska located on Bristol Bay or Iilgayaq Bay. The borough seat is Naknek. As of the 2000 census the borough population was 1,258. There are no incorporated settlements -


Outside of watching the loaded locals making pee messages in the snow - fucking on the pool table over at the Antler Inn - is the main cultural diversion for teenagers in Bristol Bay Burrough!


(Outside of killing Reindeer and Polar bears )

Well - old "Whitey is now well on his way to sewing up the white trash vote.

And - now- we can all watch the social rednecks scramble to put a smiley
face on Bristol's fuckup - what fun!







Congratulations! - And - You too Sarah.