xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 2008

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Israel Should carpet Bomb Gaza Into Dust

We carpet bombed the living shit out of Germany and Fire Bombed Japan thousands of miles from our homeland and then nuked them to end their aggression -OH:

And tens of thousands of Israelis have to hide in shelters because their Piss Ant next door neighbor doesn't think they should exist - decrees their ultimate destruction - and has enhanced their terrorist state military capabilities five fold over the course of their latest cease fire.

These death worshiping cretans had the opportunity to turn Gaza into a model of what a palestine state could become - instead they got a blank check from Iran and Syria to turn the land - Which Israel totally exited from - into an armed terrorist camp - and started a daily barrage of indiscriminate rocket attacks. (Civilians? - Who cares!)

Israel should give them an adequate warning to evacuate - and then bomb them back into the stone age!

My neighbor said to me yesterday in his rabid "liberalspeak" "But oh the response is so disproprtional"

WHAT - We killed over fifteen million GERMANS AND TWO MILLION JAPS - IN WORLD WAR TWO - AND WE LOST THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND - MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE STOPPED FIGHTING and killing AT THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DEAD and gone home?

Oh - and Irael is fighting for it's life in the world's worst neighborhood with the same fucks that hate us and want us dead - RIGHT NEXT DOOR to nihilistic terrorists that are growing stronger every day - with an Israeli Arab population that is breeding like rats and getting nastier and more hostile to the very State that offers them a protected democratic citizenship (can you imagine what would happen to Jews cheering for Israel in Iran)

The Iranians -whose leaders are nuts and Syria -and their Hezbollah and Hamas proxies are drooling over the prospects of a weakened Israel:

And your talking disproportional? - read a fucking history book -will ya?

Bomb them off the fucking map!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bush Was A GREAT FIRST MAN - And That Counts

Laura Bush has got to be the happiest first lady in american history!

I mean - Just look at her lovely glowing face - her calm but vivacious demeanor - her natural easy going and mature sense of self - her obvious intelligence and wit;

Calm Clarity and Comfort ooze from her pores - she makes ya feel good just being in her prescence:

I mean- this is one relaxed and confident and competent wife and mother - and has been a dignified and classy first lady under extremely difficult conditions.

This is a woman whose whole existence says; "I have the kind of regular and consistently blissful orgasms that any woman could dream of - and that very few woman attain;"

A sexy bawdy lady who thinks to herself:

"I get fucked silly by the coolest stud to ever come (pun oops) out of the Lonestar State - and he is FIRST MAN in my bed anytime he get's his throbbing member agitated - which is almost all the time!"

So - whatever pronouncements history will make on the Bush presidency

Never Forget -- George new how to make a real lady - very happy!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Churches - Short On American Homo's - Recruit Foreign Priests

“We experience the priest shortage, and rather than ask the question, ‘Why do we have a priest shortage?’ we just import some and act like we don’t have a priest shortage,” Father Holly said. “Until we face the issue of mandatory celibacy and the ordination of women, we can’t deal with the lack of response to the invitation to priesthood.” NY Times 12-28-08

So the lunatics in Club Vatican - faced with a dwindling supply of native Anglo souls to torture - as more and more Americans find the Church Doctrine about as relevent as Witch burning - and with :

A drop in homo priest applicants - who make up between thirty and forty percent of the whole priesthood historically - and who are temporarily undergoing more serious pedophile screening :

Needs a whole new crop of snake charmers fast - especially because the growing number of Hispanics and Latinos who are still very much into superstition and miracles and all that pagan bullshit - need some Priestly attention - like fast!

The answer! - let's bring in priests from around the world! - I mean - if you are a priest in the Congo with one foot and an arm already cut off by some eleven year old crack head - and where Altar Boy Buns are in short supply - America must look like one big "golden asshole" of an opportunity.

"D a go ne yari n d donga tuchas " - which means in Angolan "You mean the altar boys don't carry clubs and knives in America to protect their buttholes?"

Only one problem my sweet brothers of the black cloth - When you stick your foot long yam into young Carlos Rivera from Juahaca - His father will cut it in half with a machette! - And then castrate the Monsignor AND the Bishop.

You will soon find out that unlike the Anglos who are too generally fucked up to know what's going on with their kids - the Hispanics and Latinos are still very old fashioned about letting some Homo priest date rape their kids while saying a hail mary.

Oh - and i hope Al Quaeda doesn't pick up on this new opportunity to get to America? -Are you watching Mike? (Chertoff) -because you look a little lite in the wrist yourself.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Fox Tv Announces - " Wanted - Georgeous Men To Marry Rich and Ugly Women"

"Attractive men will compete to marry VERY ugly - and Super Rich women.

They will attempt to prove to these wealthy "dogs" that it's NOT about their money - but that "Personality Counts!"

Jud Schlock - President of Fox Entertainment announced today:

"Yep - we have always wanted to do a relationship based reality program that is not all about tits and ass - beauty - sexuality and carnal desire"

He continued; 'Won't it be nice to see some real dogs wind up with a good looking fella - who loves them just for their inner beauty ."

He said; "The only reason we included the RICH dimension is because - let's face it - it's hard enough to marry a dog - even if she is a really wonderful person - I mean most guys wouldn't hook up with an ugly bow wow no matter how much dough was involved - so we just wanted to be realistic."

Shlock concluded; "And wer'e looking for a real top female doggie to host the show - I mean we want a star whos'e face would stop a clock!"

Any ideas?

Thursday, December 25, 2008

XMas Used To Be Fun - Before The Christians Fucked It Up

No one knows what day Jesus Christ was born on. From the biblical description, most historians believe that his birth probably occurred in September, approximately six months after Passover.

One thing they agree on is that it is very unlikely that Jesus was born in December, since the bible records shepherds tending their sheep in the fields on that night. This is quite unlikely to have happened during a cold Judean winter. So why do we celebrate Christ’s birthday as Christmas, on December the 25th?

The answer lies in the pagan origins of Christmas. In ancient Babylon, the feast of the Son of Isis (Goddess of Nature) was celebrated on December 25. Raucous partying, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving were traditions of this feast.

In Rome, the Winter Solstice was celebrated many years before the birth of Christ. The Romans called their winter holiday Saturnalia, honoring Saturn, the God of Agriculture. In January, they observed the Kalends of January, which represented the triumph of life over death. This whole season was called Dies Natalis Invicti Solis, the Birthday of the Unconquered Sun. The festival season was marked by much merrymaking. It is in ancient Rome that the tradition of the Mummers was born. The Mummers were groups of costumed singers and dancers who traveled from house to house entertaining their neighbors. From this, the Christmas tradition of caroling was born.

In northern Europe, many other traditions that we now consider part of Christian worship were begun long before the participants had ever heard of Christ. The pagans of northern Europe celebrated the their own winter solstice, known as Yule. Yule was symbolic of the pagan Sun God, Mithras, being born, and was observed on the shortest day of the year. As the Sun God grew and matured, the days became longer and warmer. It was customary to light a candle to encourage Mithras, and the sun, to reappear next year.

Huge Yule logs were burned in honor of the sun. The word Yule itself means “wheel,” the wheel being a pagan symbol for the sun. Mistletoe was considered a sacred plant, and the custom of kissing under the mistletoe began as a fertility ritual. Hollyberries were thought to be a food of the gods.

The tree is the one symbol that unites almost all the northern European winter solstices. Live evergreen trees were often brought into homes during the harsh winters as a reminder to inhabitants that soon their crops would grow again. Evergreen boughs were sometimes carried as totems of good luck and were often present at weddings, representing fertility. The Druids used the tree as a religious symbol, holding their sacred ceremonies while surrounding and worshipping huge trees.

In 350, Pope Julius I declared that Christ’s birth would be celebrated on December 25. There is little doubt that he was trying to make it as painless as possible for pagan Romans (who remained a majority at that time) to convert to Christianity. The new religion went down a bit easier, knowing that their feasts would not be taken away from them.

Christmas (Christ-Mass) as we know it today, most historians agree, began in Germany, though Catholics and Lutherans still disagree about which church celebrated it first. The earliest record of an evergreen being decorated in a Christian celebration was in 1521 in the Alsace region of Germany. A prominent Lutheran minister of the day cried blasphemy:

“Better that they should look to the true tree of life, Christ.”
The controversy continues even today in some fundamentalist sects.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Hey - How About A Moron Redneck In The Cabinet?

It's certainly laudible that in trying to balance various constituencies and backgrounds, Obama has assembled a 15-member cabinet that includes six current or former members of Congress, three current or former governors and two Republicans, including Mr. LaHood.

And under pressure to increase ethnic and gender diversity, Mr. Obama picked three women and three Hispanics for his cabinet, with Ms. Solis counting in both categories. He named two Asian-Americans and one African-American. (Other officials will also be given a cabinet rank.)

But - How about some "Redneck Morons?"

I mean- without some Bible thumping - gun toting animal killers around the White House -AND some Anti Science Creationist, Homo hating -Pro life bigots and Rascists -How the fuck will Obama know what's goin on in half the country?

I mean - he's definitely top heavy in the IQ department - these folks may be bright and balanced thinkers - they may be intellectually curious with balanced egos and quality life experiences and solid educations - and records of accomplished problem solving - BUT:

Who will represent the moron rednecks? - I mean - just think about all those folks who still think Sarah Palin represents the future of the Republican Party - Don't forget that after eight years of the "Bush Doctrine' - and in the midst of an economic collapse - and two fucked up Wars ...............

Forty Seven percent of Americans still voted for the GOP!

I mean - like someone once said "Keep your friends close - but your enemies closer."

Hey - here's an idea! - How about appointing that lunatic Polak - about to be impeached Governor of Illinois - Rogoyavitch (or something like that - i know it's got Goy in it -like all Jew hating Polaks) - to a new cabinet position?

Department of Redneck Morons - yep - he's the man for the job!

Every single day he would be the perfect reminder of what a huge percentage of our neighbors are feeling and thinking about what's going on.

You never know when they might start putting on the sheets and getting out the torches - it's getting rough out there!

"Keep your enemies close!" - Obama

"Jewish Men In Hell" as Their Wives React To Madoff Ruin

Can you imagine the shit that all those poor wealthy Jewish husbands are getting from their wives?

"Oh my darling Esther"says Moishe Pipick - president of Pipick and Sons Investments LLC - in West Palm beach ,Florida - with assets of 200 million two weeks ago - and now totally busted!

Moishe continues; "Oh my dear - we seem to have run in to a bit of a problem down at the office."

"Hurry up Moishe" says Esther - "I'm late for my beauty spa appointment and then i have to take the Rolls in for service - and -oh don't forget to take Rachel to her riding lesson at 3 o'clock and - oh - and send Amos to pick up Sol at the tennis academy at five and then drop by the Palm Beach deli and pick up some Pastrami and Corned Beef."

"Well - actually dear" says Moishe -trembling "I have some rather bad news."

"What - What - Moishe !" says Esther - "Your'e always SO emotional - what molehill have you made into a mountain now - Moishela?"

"Wer'e fucking broke Esther! -that's what! - It turn out Bernie Madoff is a crook!"

"We can't afford any of this - if we get 25 cents on the dollar for the house you will still have to go back to work as a dental assistant to keep Sol in Brandeis - and that's assuming your father will take me back in the plumbing business - and we all move upstairs with my mother in Century Village."

Now just imagine slightly different versions of that scene - in ex wealthy - now impoverished - Jewish households all around the country - AND just imagine the volume and degree of Jewish wife anger - betrayal -cruelty and guilt venom - Being directed at all those Jewish husnand victims of Bernie Madoff - and - well:

You have the potential for the highest rated Reality TV Program since American Idol:

" Jewish Men in Hell!"

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Bernard Madoff Should Become "Money Czar" Of USA

Ok -here's my next big idea for saving our Economy!

Establish a new cabinet position "Money Czar" - with the head of the Federal Reserve -The Secretary of Treasury and the SEC - reporting directly to him.

I say HIM because the only person qualified for this position - is Bernard Madoff!

Why - because when all of our greatest financial analysts are running around trying to figure out what the fuck what wrong - and how all these twenty first century supersonic stealth bomb credit schemes and instruments of financial obfuscation and wizardy were enabled and executed by shrewd gen exers on acid with advanced MBA's ??????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????

This Jewish Genius - Bernie Madoff - was fucking THEM out of their life savings!

I mean - is this not the dude we want to stop this tsunamie of economic devastation that is wiping out civilization as we knew it?

I mean - give him a pardon and ten percent of everything he saves and recovers - and give him TOTAL authority to lock up anyone that gets in his way and put them in Guantanamo (after Obama frees the terrorists) and tortue them until we get all OUR money back!

Ok -that's a tad severe - but c'mon - if Bernie can fuck people like Morton Zuckerman out of millions - and leave Mort looking like he got sodomized - and without a clue about how it happened?

This is the one guy who knows how they fucked us! - He knows ALL there tricks - and he LOVES to fuck his rich friends! -Do you realize what a sweet catch this guy is? - How unusual he is? I mean c'mon - do you think ole Ben Bernake and Paulson are ever gonna REALLY upset their network of rich and powerful buddies? -Their future benefactors?

Don't you believe it! - But this guy Madoff would fuck his mother out of her last nickel just for the pure fun of it . He's a viscious financial genius - he's the Hannibal Lechter of the financial world! - And he's real hungry!

I'm telling you that Bernie Madoff was sent down from heaven to put our economy back together - so send Obama an email today!

"Yo Obama - make Bernie Madoff our "Money Czar " - and remember:

When it comes to what and how and WHO
If there's money at stake - Find a Jew!

Monday, December 15, 2008

USA Should Sell Advertising On Warships

Here's a sure fire way for the government to raise a ton of moola!

In this age of globalized marketing -- international companies are dying to find ways to get their products and services advertised and promoted with credibility - around the world.

Well - when the USS Enterprise steams into Shanghai harbor (for example) - and this great and powerful symbol of American power and influence:

Has - "Have a Budweiser -The King of Beers" (just as an example) - Emblazoned across the ship's hull with the Bud logo all across the bow and stern and gun emplacements (and even on it's planes and flight deck:

Hell - do you know what's that worth in terms of ad dollars? - A fucking ton!

Now - multiply that by all the ships in all our fleets - in all those foreign ports - and your'e talking:

The end of our foreign trade deficit - and even the balancing of the budget!

More bail out moola - more credit - more jobs -- and:

Happy times are here again - and this is only the beginning of my plan to save America with creative marketing.

Stay tuned !

Saturday, December 13, 2008

America Is In A Severe DEPRESSION

Oh - and this IS a DEPRESSION!

Hey - if todays average family had to live like an average family in 1929 -they would drink that killer cool aid which was so popular with that cult led by Jim -whats his name in -Guyana. (Jim Jones 1980 - boy that Google is amazing!)

I mean - it's not depressing to go broke if you were broke to begin with - but today's super consumers are in free fall fucking shock!

It's like one minute you are high and fucking a georgeous sexy tall blonde - and wham! - Suddenly you are in bed with that fat hobo grandmother from "The Grapes of Wrath" movie.

I mean = If John Steinbeck were alive today his book would be called - "Wer'e In Fucking Hell And Want Poisoned Cool Aid"

Maybe we should start migrating to Oklahama? - Talk about irony - The Oakies fled to California from Oklahoma during the Lesser Depression ( official new name) and now it is the most prosperous state in the country - along with North Dakota)

Hey - maybe God is trying to tell us something important (now that he's left the White House) - Maybe God IS a Redneck?

Anyway i don't know what the point is here (as usual)- but i just thought it was important to put things in an accurate historical perspective:

We ARE in a deep depression - And it IS deeply depressing!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

God Say's He Is Thrilled To Leave The White House

God announced at a press conference today:

"I am so thrilled to be going back to my real job - bringing hope and comfort to superstitious morons - and far away from politics."

He went on; "When Billy Graham asked me to help out his alcoholic buddy George W Bush i never thought the American people would buy into his bullshit and install him and a whole bunch of religious freakos and rednecks into an American Vatican government -headed by Pope Bush."

"I mean every fucking job applicant had to have a Bible in his hand - and now you can all see how ideology trumped competence - across the entire political spectrum."

"It was fucking pathetic - i mean i'm pretty powerful but even i couldn't deal with assholes like Cheney and Rumsfeld and that midget Attorney General Gonzales - and all those anti science creationist wack jobs - and -Oh jeesus Christ am i glad to be outa there!"

God continued: "This guy Obama is one sharp cookie - and America will quickly re-emerge as the world's spiritual and economic and political leader in no time at all."

"God went on:"I figure with me out of the White House the average IQ of America's leaders will increase by fifty two percent - and that's enough to get the job done right!."

" You see -- In your world It's all about creative problem solving. - But my job is to lead the faithfully blind - i'm kinda like a big Golden Retriever in the sky."

"But you don't want me crapping all over the White House - see what a mess it made!"

Monday, December 08, 2008

Please Please Obama - Give Us Some Cheap Booze - To Tide Us Over

— The anniversary of the repeal of prohibition should perhaps be celebrated not with cocktails, but, following the example of H.L. Mencken, with a glass of some alcohol-free fluid, preferably someplace where you’d rather be drinking something stronger — to remind you of how pleasant, indeed life-enhancing alcohol can be, and to sympathize with the people who used to be dry and those who still are.


For hooch has the power to inspire, to console, to make celebrations brighter, and hard times more bearable. In the words of the Roman poet Horace, drink “unlocks secrets, bids hopes be fulfilled, thrusts the coward onto the battle-field, takes the load from anxious hearts. The flowing bowl — whom has it not made eloquent? Whom has it not made free even amidst pinching poverty?”



So - in these hard times that have fallen upon us - i say to Obama - give us a fast fix! -Something to tide us over until your programs take effect.



How about an elimination of the exhorbitant booze taxes - so we can afford to buy cheap whiskey during these terrible times?



If your wife needs a masechtomy but there's no insurance - and your school has eliminated the special autism classes for your kids - and they have come for your house and car - and you are jobless and begging for change down in front of the local Walmart - and your wife and teenage daughter are turning tricks for food - and you had to eat your dogs - and worst of all there is no TV because they turned off the Cable - and your Mom died and there's no burial money so she's in the garage on ice - and your son is locked up for mugging an old lady in the park ........



Well -what the hell -twist the neck off a bottle of cheap whiskey and down four fingers of it with a beer chaser - and the world will look just fine and okey dokey - tomorrow's another day - just keep a hangin in there until Obama sets thing right again!

Let's drink our way through these awful times -the Russians did it for fifty years.





U.S Should Sell It's Prison Inmates To Foreign Countries

California’s prisons are at nearly double capacity, and a three-judge panel could order the state to release tens of thousands of prisoners

The United States has, for instance, 2.3 million criminals behind bars, more than any other nation, according to data maintained by the International Center for Prison Studies at King’s College London.

Well --not only should the USA establish a "Criminal Military Corp" as recommended in my previous blogs - But - since we would have so many criminals left over ( who are unfit for combat) -- let's just sell them!:

Moishe Pipick, head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- Why not our huge and growing prison population?"

He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot and pay us ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for even more:"

He continued; "The African union is desperate for psychopaths to replace the dwindling number of young children in their armies. (who are dying off from starvation and aids)."

"We are talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer here - and i'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."

He concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."

Outsourcing is a beautiful thing! - And outsourcing and getting paid for it --is a no brainer!

Friday, December 05, 2008

Oprah For Secretary of Education

Yep - how about THAT for a choice ! - If anyone can provide the force and direction to revitalize refurbish and modernize our children's learning processes - it is Oprah!

She's smart and tough and compassionate - she is beloved - she has a national constituency - and she should continue to do her show and use it as a platform to leverage her education plans and priorities.

And what a unique way for the entertainment medium to project it's cultural influence and power - for the common good.

Normally i would recommend someone like Hillary Duff or Sarah Palin for the education post - just to make a stupid satirical observation:

But this is just to important -and too great an idea - OPRAH -for Secretary of Education!

But -if she passes - it's Palin for sure.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Obama Declares "FAT TAX" on Obese American's

America's first skinny president announced at a White House press conference today:

"In these tough times we can't have forty percent of the population flushing vital resources down the toilet! "

"It's a waste of much needed food and energy and toilet paper!"

"We could eliminate 78 million acres of deforestation - which will help fight global warming!"

"Every time a fat person takes an unecessary dump - it adds to to our
carbon related problems - eating too much and shitting too much is NOT green - it's brown!"

He continued: "And - fat folks do more drugs and drink more alcohol - and commit more crimes - and raise fat kids - and overwhelm the health care system with all kinds of obesity related diseases, both physical and mental in nature."

"I am asking Congress to increase taxes - incrementally by weight - on ALL obese Americans with a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 130 !"

"We will then give the additional tax income to non-fat - middle class homeowners." who are in trouble with their mortgages."

Candy Crowley of CNN news (who would certainly get a huge tax increase under his plan) asked Obama if his wife Michelle would be exempt from the "Fat Tax?"

Obama said that his wife was not FAT - but that she only had a large black ass - and that since that was a natural aesthetic attribute it would qualify as an exemption - along with large - but perfectly proportional tits." - as long as their BMI stayed within ten percent of the overall BMI."

Obama laughed and told Candy;" Unfortunately i don't think you will qualify as an exception with THAT barn door you are carrying around behind ya - heh! heh!" - (The press corps really cracked up at that point.)

"Oh - and dont think Bill Gates and our new Secretary of State are going to get any special consideration - it's either pay your taxes - or curb your shitting!"

"What a cool bumper sticker - and ad campaign" - concluded Obama.

U.S Military Will Recruit Dwarfs For Next Generation Army

Lieutenant General Moishe Pipick - head of the Strategic Re-Organization Initiative at the Pentagon - annoiunced today:

"Dwarfs are harder to target:

Bombs tend to send them flying rather than dismembering them:

The enemy is reluctant and hesitates to kill them (so cute looking):

They are highly motivated to prove their manhood:

And -- They cost much less to feed and clothe:"

General Pipick said the Dwarf battalions will be called "The Runty Raiders" -and next up in our reorganization planning - if the Dwarfs perform as we expect they will:

"An all Pygmy regiment"

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Walmart Shoppers Stampede - Like Moslems in Mecca

Some shoppers who had seen the stampede said they were shocked. One of them, Kimberly Cribbs of Queens, said the crowd had acted like “savages.” Shoppers behaved badly even as the store was being cleared, she recalled.
“When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling, ‘I’ve been on line since yesterday morning,’ ” Ms. Cribbs told The Associated Press. “They kept shopping.”

Well - every year we read about Moslem worshippers stampeding each other to death as they go nuts to get into their Tooth Fairy Palace in Mecca - and finally we have our western version of that phenomena - as a man was crushed to death - today - by Walmart bargain shoppers.

"Oh - and this is only the beginning!" said Moishe Pipick, head of security for Walmart's world wide security organization.

He stated; "I just saw the videos of the rampage which took place at our Long Island store - and the only thing i could think of was those old scenes in the Cowboy movies where a wrangler gets ground up by a thundering herd of crazed stampeding steers."

"I am recommending that we install machine gun positions at all stores where we have Black Friday kind of discount events!"

He continued; "When you see folks who have been standing in line starting at three am for five or six hours - waiting to get their hands on a fifty -two inch Sony flat screen for four hundred bucks - and then the doors don't open on time - or something spooks the "herd" - trust me - nothing will stop them them but an armor piercing fifty caliber bullet."

" I mean- youv'e seen the pictures of those nut case Moslems on pilgrimage in Mecca? - well - this is much more intense - because to a credit strapped American consumer - a bargain is way more important than any religious crapola!"

"I mean - you could guarantee these folks that Jesus Christ would be at the local Walmart super store healing the lame and the sick and offering salvation - and they would tear apart a store offering huge discounts just down the street from him ."

Mr. Pipick concluded; "As the economy goes further and farther into the toilet - the situation is going to get really nasty - we feel that folks will soon be storming our wharehouses - and my security forces might have to use biological weapons against them."

Wow - what a great Reality Show - i'll have to call Fox!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Yo Barack! -- Watch "Iron Man" and Remember The Indians!

And don't forget the "Existential Thanksgiving Lesson:"

"When a group of folks shows up on YOUR territory carrying Bibles - and their guns are bigger and better than yours? - You are soooooo fucked!"

So - You and all the Obama's have a wonderful thanksgiving. - And then - so that we can ALL enjot future Thanksgivings here in America - please go up into your den - all alone - and watch .""Iron Man"

And then - get everybody together and tell them - "I want one of those!"

"As a matter of fact - i want the coolest and most destructive shit you all can come up with - i'm talking about techno killing shit that - that makes "Iron Man" look like a knife in a gun fight!"

"But why Obama?" - might says someone? "We got a dead economy out there to deal with!"

And you reply - Mr. Presidente - "Just think about Thanksgiving - And -- The Fucking Indians."

Happy Thangsgiving - 11- 27 -08

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Fox TV Announces -- "'Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Fox TV president Sammy Schlocker announced today:"With the economy collapsing - we thought it would be fun to build a reality show around the Great Depression's most famous refrain "Brother Can You Spare A Dime" - which will have top executives from the financial sector - who have lost everything - compete against one another in a reality show where they use all their skills:

In peddling apples on street corners in the new York City financial district.Just like so many ex moguls resorted to after Wall Street collapsed in 1929.( at the beginning of the Great Depression) ---- these ex wealthy financial titans - will now apply all their skills to selling their apples to the folks they fucked!"

"Former Lehman brother executives - Merril Lynch managers - top dogs from Fannie and Freddie - and powerful Hedge Fund managers and brokers et. al. - will be given a fresh supply of apples each morning and we will tally up their sales every day.""It's a zero sum game!" said Moishe Pipick, ex CEO for "Pipick and Gevalt LLC" - one of wall Street's most powerful investment banks.

"Before the collapse, said Pipick - It was the code i lived by! - That was before i lost everything! -- My Gulf Stream jet - my home in Greenwich Connecticut - my yacht - my Rolls and my golden Retriever Freddie (which really hurt!)"

"Freddie went with my bitch of a wife Marr. (losing her makes the whole ordeal almost bearable)"

Moishe continued; "I would just like to thank Fox for giving us a shot at making a comeback - and i know i will move a lot of apples!"

Fox VP Programming and Executive producer for the program -- Mannie Mandelbaum stated: "Boy we really have to watch these folks - they are already being very creative and ruthless in their apple sales and marketing strategies - we have even caught them poisoning their competitors apples""

Well there's always a few rotton appels in every barrel!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dick Cavett On Sarah Palin - Thank You

The Wild Wordsmith of Wasilla
Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn’t ailing. Three out of these five implements — answering machine, fax machine, printer, phone and electric can-opener — all dropped dead on me in the past few days.
Now something has gone wrong with all three television sets. They will get only Sarah Palin.
I can play a kind of Alaskan roulette. Any random channel clicked on by the remote brings up that eager face, with its continuing assaults on the English Lang.
There she is with Larry and Matt and just about everyone else but Dr. Phil (so far). If she is not yet on “Judge Judy,” I suspect it can’t be for lack of trying.
What have we done to deserve this, this media blitz that the astute Andrea Mitchell has labeled “The Victory Tour”?
I suppose it will be recorded as among political history’s ironies that Palin was brought in to help John McCain. I can’t blame feminists who might draw amusement from the fact that a woman managed to both cripple the male she was supposed to help while gleaning an almost Elvis-sized following for herself. Mac loses, Sarah wins big-time was the gist of headlines.
I feel a little sorry for John. He aimed low and missed.
What will ambitious politicos learn from this? That frayed syntax, bungled grammar and run-on sentences that ramble on long after thought has given out completely are a candidate’s valuable traits?
And how much more of all that lies in our future if God points her to those open-a-crack doors she refers to? The ones she resolves to splinter and bulldoze her way through upon glimpsing the opportunities, revealed from on high.
What on earth are our underpaid teachers, laboring in the vineyards of education, supposed to tell students about the following sentence, committed by the serial syntax-killer from Wasilla High and gleaned by my colleague Maureen Dowd for preservation for those who ask, “How was it she talked?”
My concern has been the atrocities there in Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as we spoke about Africa and some of the countries there that were kind of the people succumbing to the dictators and the corruption of some collapsed governments on the continent, the relevance was Alaska’s investment in Darfur with some of our permanent fund dollars.
And, she concluded, “never, ever did I talk about, well, gee, is it a country or a continent, I just don’t know about this issue.”
It’s admittedly a rare gift to produce a paragraph in which whole clumps of words could be removed without noticeably affecting the sense, if any.
(A cynic might wonder if Wasilla High School’s English and geography departments are draped in black.)
(How many contradictory and lying answers about The Empress’s New Clothes have you collected? I’ve got, so far, only four. Your additional ones welcome.)
Matt Lauer asked her about her daughter’s pregnancy and what went into the decision about how to handle it. Her “answer” did not contain the words “daughter,” “pregnancy,” “what to do about it” or, in fact, any two consecutive words related to Lauer’s query.
I saw this as a brief clip, so I don’t know whether Lauer recovered sufficiently to follow up, or could only sit there, covered in disbelief. If it happens again, Matt, I bequeath you what I heard myself say once to an elusive guest who stiffed me that way: “Were you able to hear any part of my question?”
At the risk of offending, well, you, for example, I worry about just what it is her hollering fans see in her that makes her the ideal choice to deal with the world’s problems: collapsed economies, global warming, hostile enemies and our current and far-flung twin battlefronts, either of which may prove to be the world’s second “30 Years’ War.”
Has there been a poll to see if the Sarah-ites are numbered among that baffling 26 percent of our population who, despite everything, still maintain that President George has done a heckuva job?
A woman in one of Palin’s crowds praised her for being “a mom like me … who thinks the way I do” and added, for ill measure, “That’s what I want in the White House.” Fine, but in what capacity?
Do this lady’s like-minded folk wonder how, say, Jefferson, Lincoln, the Roosevelts, et al (add your own favorites) managed so well without being soccer moms? Without being whizzes in the kitchen, whipping up moose soufflés? Without executing and wounding wolves from the air and without promoting that sad, threadbare hoax — sexual abstinence — as the answer to the sizzling loins of the young?
(In passing, has anyone observed that hunting animals with high-powered guns could only be defined as sport if both sides were equally armed?)
I’d love to hear what you think has caused such an alarming number of our fellow Americans to fall into the Sarah Swoon.
Could the willingness to crown one who seems to have no first language have anything to do with the oft-lamented fact that we seem to be alone among nations in having made the word “intellectual” an insult? (And yet…and yet…we did elect Obama. Surely not despite his brains.)
Sorry about all of the foregoing, as if you didn’t get enough of the lady every day in every medium but smoke signals.
I do not wish her ill. But I also don’t wish us ill. I hope she continues to find happiness in Alaska.
May I confess that upon first seeing her, I liked her looks? With the sound off, she presents a not uncomely frontal appearance.
But now, as the Brits say, “I’ll be glad to see the back of her.”

Monday, November 17, 2008

Obama Job Screening Process Leaves Out Three Important Questions

Just when Democrats thought it was time to triumphantly claim hard-won administration appointments, Team Obama has created a vetting process worthy of aspirants for political sainthood - But there ARE Three Questions that must be answered!

One - Do you enjoy killing animals in the name of sport? - An affirmative answer should eliminate all Hunters from the administration and would eliminate sixty percent of the angry assholes who normally creep into the system.


Two - When did you last have oral sex? -if the answer is less than three nights ago - drop the candidate like a hot potatoe! - This will eliminate seventy percent of the repressed and hostile religious freaks who permeate the bureacracy!

Three - Do you think you will meet a God when you die who looks like George Burns in "Oh My God" - and who has had something to do with your life? - If the answer is yes -then you have a delusional person on your hands who should be referred to the Vatican.

One - Two -Three And There Out!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Obama Approval Ratings Plunge In First Week

President Elect Obama has slipped from a ninety five percent approval rating among his supporters - to eight five percent:

And among non supporters it has gone from twelve percent to two percent.

Dr. Moishe Pipick - head of the Phew Research Center said: "It is extremely alarming that after only one week as President Elect - his approval ratings have plummeted!"

Elise Mandelbaum, digibandit research head , asked Dr. Pipick; "What is causing this srong and almost instantaneous negative reaction to Obama among the American people?"

Pipick responded:

"One - he has not solved the economic meltdown"

'Two - he has not brought home the troops"

"Three - he has not resolved health insurance"

Pipick concluded; - "But - the most important thing that is bugging most American's - is - that he has taken no action towards having Sarah Palin and her entire family murdered."

"Or exiled"

Friday, November 14, 2008

Sex - Drugs - And God Tax - Can Save The World

Legalize Drugs and prostitution and Tax the Catholic Church - To Save the World Economy

Dr.Moishe Pipick, head economist for the World Financial Institute - in Berne Switzerland - announced today at the G Twenty Conference in the United States:

"First - There are over a billion people with significant savings who would gladly start spending for legal drugs - and the tax revenue and economic stimulus from that consumer spending - would almost single -handily resolve the economic meltdown.

Second - Allowing these individuals to further spend their savings on legal (taxable) prostitutes - would add an additional jolt to the marketplace.

And - with over one billion people walking around high and sexually satisfied - optimism will blossom once again - and capital investment will be invigorated.

Third - Tax the Church! - This will generate trillions in new tax revenue from a sector of the world economy which produces nothing "

Dr. Pipick concluded; "Sex - Drugs - and a God tax! - it's really that simple!"

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Let The Queers Marry -That Will End Same Sex Marriage Overnight

Want to put an abrupt halt to same sex marriage? - Let them get married!

I mean - gays are pretty darn smart - and as soon as they find out how fucking miserable married life is - they will abandon that failed institution like rats leaving a sinking ship.

I mean - one night Oliver is saying to Gary ; "Oh Gar - i think i'll go over to the Club Tuchas and snort some Ecstasy and get fucked by maybe three or four sailors - wanna come (oops a pun)?"

"No Hon" - says Gar - "I think i'll just go cruise around West Hollywood and get shtupped over in the park."

"Okay Hon - don't be too late we an appointment at the hairdresser manana"

"Chow baby - have fun - hey would you pick up some cocaine while your'e at the club?"

So now three weeks after - say -tieing the knot in Connecticut - and the conversation now goes like this:

"Gar - you fucking whore - i hope you had a real good time last night - i waited up for you until three am - i even bought that special queen bee jelly you like and a new triple headed dildo - and you come home loaded and fall asleep - you never did shit like that wbefore we were married!"

Oliver replies: "Stop nagging me you bitch - maybe if you hadn't gained twenty pounds since our fucking wedding - i would stay home more often?"

Oh well you get my drift - oh and the lesbos ? - The emergency rooms will be overflowing with so much debris from dyke violence - that Sadir City will look like a Buddhist retreat center.

Oh yeah - let them wed - welcome to hell all you queers!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Please God - Kill That Ignorant Alaskan Redneck

"I'm like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I'm like, don't let me miss the open door," Palin said in an interview with Fox News on Monday. "And if there is an open door in '12 or four years later, and if it is something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I'll plow through that door."

How about an open trap door witha noose around her redneck?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Millions of Americans Apply For Exit Visas

With the economy collapsing - and trillions of dollars being borrowed to save the folks who caused the collapse - and home buyers who had no right to buy them -and car and insurance companies that spent the last twenty years fucking them:

Millions of Americans are contemplating their futures in other countries - where they can live a decent life - and not burden their children and grandhildren with mountains of debt at birth.

"I don't want my grandchildren to come into the world as major debtors!" -said Moishe Pipick who was speaking from Beth Israel hospital in new York -where his new grandson Irving just squealed his way into the world - owing Uncle Sam over two- hundred thousand dollars dollars.

"Wer'e outa here! - This is bullshit! - He's gotta pay for AIG and General Motors and Iraq and all those derivative and hedge fund momzers! - He's gotta pay for all those schmucks that can't read a mortgage or live within a budget?"

"Fuck America!" he said - Wer'e off to Israel or Australia or China or India -at least we'll have health coverage!"

'"But -What about Obama?" -said Bandit financial reporter. Elise Mandelbaum."

Moishe replied; "He's a nice smart guy - he isn't the Messiah!."

Friday, November 07, 2008

American Express announces "Shop Only"Credit Card Program

Feeling like you need a shopping fix? _But your'e broke and out of credit?


Want to get that "shopper's high" without actually spending a dime? -Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ? --Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?



Well with the American Express "Shop Only - Till You Drop" card - you just pay a small fee - ten dollars - for ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits.



Pay a paltry fifty bucks and you can get up to two -hundred thousand dollars in "shop only"credits - and the "Shop only " Dream Card - about three hundred dollars - will allow you to buy high ticket luxury items. (take the whole family and buy a Ferrari)



So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.



And - for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and even wrap and put them under the tree if you like. (and then you get another "fix" for free when you open them.)



And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Nelson's "Shopped" us for our housewarming (your friend unwraps and reads the gift description ) - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".



And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Sarah Palin Destroys the Hopes and Dreams of Future Ignorant Cunts to Lead America

It should be a very long time before an ignorant cunt like Sarah Palin gets a shot at leading the free world!

And - if it ever happens again? - It will be a clear portent that our civilization has finally run its course.

I honestly believe that historians will look back on her selection by McCaine as the lowest point in American politics and culture.

I only hope to God that it is finally revealed that he was fucking her!

In that event - we have a totally understandable situation where an old feeble war hero was overwhelmed by a virulent libido in it's last dying gasp - in the throes of one great final hard on.

This is forgiveable - maybe admirable?

Anything else is unpardonable! - he should be crucified and left to hang on public display outside the Senate.

And school children should come in busloads to observe his stinking - rotting -corpse!

Good Riddance Casper - and -The Bride of Frankenstein

"Of course, McCain’s gracious concession speech is only notable because it contrasts so sharply with the sad and shabby campaign that he chose to run. Five classy minutes should not expiate several months’ worth of name calling, insinuations, and intellectual dishonesty. Honor cannot be worn like a jacket, to be slipped on and off as the situation dictates. John McCain irrevocably ceded his moral high ground during the course of his campaign, and the press should realize that one good speech doesn’t change that. Joe Klein has it right: Talk about putting lipstick on a pig."

This from a Columbia Journalism Review article - says it all - for the bandit.

He should kill himself - like a noble Samurai (which he ain't)

Monday, November 03, 2008

Obama's Grandmother Seen Campaigning in Ohio AND Florida - After Dying

"She's gone home," Obama said as tens of thousands of rowdy supporters at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte grew silent in an evening drizzle.



But he was wrong!



One hour after dying peacefully in her bed in Hawaai - Madelyn Payne Dunham was seen campaigning for her grandson in both Ohio and Florida - two key swing states which would lock the election up for Obama.



In reaction to this startling resurrection sarah Palin ran into a church in Canton, Ohio where she had just delivered a speech calling Obama a Muslim terrorist - dropped down before Jesus Christ - and began weeping hysterically:



"Forgive me father for i have sinned - and in the few hours left in this campaign - i am throwing my full support behind your new son and Savior - Lord Obama -- Amen!"



Reached in Florida at a nursing home where he had just called Obama a Communist and a fake negroe who would lead the country into chaos and depravity John (Casper) McCaine said:



"This is total bullshit - but if i'm wrong -i'm definitely fucked!"



And hearing of the resurrection of his beloved Grandmom - Obama said:



" She promised me she would rise back up and help me win the election - and i never doubted her for a moment!"

Joe the Plumber - Meet Hazel the Hooker

SAN FRANCISCO — When Proposition K was added to Tuesday’s ballot, many people likely snickered at the possibility that San Francisco might take its place alongside such prostitute-friendly havens as Amsterdam and a few rural counties in nearby Nevada.

BUT - it's looking like HAZEL the Hooker will be able to do business as UNUSUAL post election day in San Francisco! - And boy will Joe the Plumber be ecstatic!

Because while Joe has been able to fuck his clients with total impunity - poor Hazel has been forced to pay off Cops and Evangelists and Lawmakers just to suck a few lonely cocks every night.

This is fantastick news for those of us who would rather pay a reasonable fee to a real professional for sex - then beg his frigid trophy wife for a hand job - in return for half of all our assets -and the kids.

Oh - and how about all those poor fucking Rednecks and just plain poor fat and ugly people - and greedy moronic plumbers like Joe - who maybe get laid twice a year? - With legalized prostitution and the elimination of Pimps and Payoffs and Shysters:

These poor frustrated folks will be able to afford Hazel on a regular basis!

Oh - and you can bet that the killing of wild animals and violent crime will drop substantially !

Dr.Moishe Pipick - head of The Cultural Neuroscience Institute, in Berne Switzerland - said today:

"All our studies have shown that people who enjoy killing animals (called hunting in America) -and most violent criminals - would readily turn in their guns for a descent weekly blowjob."

And - anyway - wouldn't you much rather get fucked by Hazel the Hooker - than Joe the Plumber?

Vote proposition K on election day in San Francisco!

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Britney Spears or Lil Kim better Than Palin - Says Mitt Romney

Mitt was overheard discussing the McCaine campaign - in a restaurant in downtown Salt lake City Utah – yesterday:

“I mean – he fucking blew it! –Picking that moron Palin was like if GW had picked Britney Spears for defense secretary instead of Robert Gates”

“As a matter of fact Spears (or maybe LIL Kim, that hot black rapper)) would have been a wiser –and much more qualified choice – at least he would have gotten the youth vote.”

His unidentified friend replied; “But Mitt – I think he felt he needed to solidify his base – you know – the rednecks and the religious freaks.”

Mitt replied; “Oh fucking great move!” – “Why didn’t he just hold a press conference and announce that he didn’t want anyone with an IQ of over 95 to vote for him!”

“I mean – how fucking stupid does Casper (McCaine’s nickname) think the electorate is – anyway?”
“Pretty fucking stupid Mitt!”

Thursday, October 30, 2008

North Vietnamese Doctor Say’s McCaine Was Flying Drunk

Doctor Moishe Van Trang – a Vietnamese Colonel and Surgeon – who treated John McCaine after he was shot down over Hanoi – said today from his sickbed in Phnom Pen – (where he is dying from agent orange poisoning );

“I guess it’s time to come clean about the McCaine incident !”

He stated; “When Mccaine stepped out of his smoking cockpit he was yelling –“Fuck you gooks – come and get me! -He was waving a bottle of Dewars scotch whiskey – and firing his revolver in the air - then he fell –shot himself through both legs and his hip – broke his collar bone – and passed out.”

He went on; ‘I was told by the Air Command to never mention this - because they didn’t want the American’s to know that the only way we could have hit him with our fucked up Russian SAM system – was because he was flying around drunk.”

“Oh – and as long as I’m coming clean, you know that business about the guard who drew a Christian Cross in the dirt?”

“What about that?” – said digibandit foreign correspondent Lisa Mandelbaum.

Dr. Moishe Van Trang confessed; “It was me – and it wasn’t a Cross! – it was a Jewish Star!”

“Landsman” – cried Lisa.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Terrified Chickens Lay Poisoned Eggs

Dr. Moishe Pipick – head of experimental agronomy at Cornell University - announced the results of a significant new study today;

“A free range chicken spends it’s entire life in a state of high anxiety! - It’s akin to what a human being would experience running around naked – at night – in the Kenyan wild Lion refuge.”

“On the other hand” –Dr Pipick stated; “a chicken within the enclosed security of a cage – where they can barely move – is like a human being snuggled up against a pair of warm tits in a comfy bed.”

“And consequently” he continued; “ Free Range chicken eggs contain a toxic chemical which is released by these “Free” birds - which spend their whole short lives in a state of constant terror and fear of being torn apart and devoured by predators at any given moment.”

He went on; “ This chemical produces high levels of anxiety and hypertension in women! – And - it has had a significant negative impact on male female relationships – and hence – culture and society as a whole.” (oops a pun)

Dr. Pipick concluded; “ Without getting too technical – the study – conclusively proves that women who ingest Free Range chicken eggs –are much more “Bitchy” (you’ll notice I didn’t use the “C” word ) -- heh heh heh!

“if you really want to do something? -Come up with a Free Range Flour - Our studies conclusively show that - wheat does not enjoy growing so closely together – and when stalks are planted at least three inches apart – they are much happier!”

“But that’s another subject”

Friday, October 24, 2008

Obama Had Criminal Friends In Kindergarden - Says Sarah Palin

Sarah (Trailer Trash) Palin accused Obama of having at least two buddies in Kindergarden who became criminals! - she stated today on the campaign trail in Bumfuck South Dakota (where a crowd of ten thousand fat rednecks cheered her on):



"It's a continuation of his pattern of making bad judgements about the company he keeps - John and i were horrified to discover that two of his little Kindergarten buddies went on to careers in crime!"



She continued: "Little Moishe Pinsky - the son of a Jewish tailor became the bookeeper for fat Sally Giovanni - a prominent Chicago loanshark"



"And - Tiny Mustaffa Balucka - a negroe child from Raleigh North Carolina - went on to become a tap dancing Muslim junkie - who robbed banks in Gary, Indiana."



Sarah further stated: " Oh - and get this - another little early childhood buddy of his - Timmy (Tubby the Tuba) O'Reilly - went on to murder a St. Louis Priest who he caught sodomizing his little brother - i mean - a Priest!"



"John and I don't like this kind of campaigning" - said Sarah - "But but - i mean - you know - who your friends are is really -really important!"



Digibandit election reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked Ms. Palin; "But - Sarah - i mean - Kindergarden? - Friends from Kindergarden?"



She responded; "Heck yes Kindergarden - it's where you develop ypur life long, God given values Elise! - Maybe as a Jew you just don't get it?"

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Fox TV announces "The Palins" - with John McCaine as feature guest star

Fox television prexy - Moishe Pipick - in announcing Fox's contract with Sarah Palin - to executive produce "The Palin's" - a recreation of "The Munsters" - announced today at a press conference in Hollywood :

"The Munsterswas a 1960s American television sitcom depicting the home life of a family of monsters. The show was a satire of both traditional monster movies and popular family entertainment of the era, such as Leave it to Beaver. It ran concurrently with the The Addams Family. Although the Addams were well-to-do, the Munsters were a more blue-collar family. The Munsters also had higher Nielsen ratings than The Addams Family"

He continued: "The Palins" will become America's first family of monstors! -Think about - the Munsters meets the Osbournes - living in a shitty one horse town - Wasilla, Alaska - and you have this psycho red neck politician with her aboriginal husband - and a family of freaks!"

"I mean- if this is not great television - then shoot me someone - please!"

He went on; "We even have a commitment from John McCaine to appear in a regular guest role as the retarded brother of Tod Palin - who was mauled by a Polar bear while drunk and taking a piss out on the ice one night with a bunch of Eskimos. (which is why he looks and acts THAT way.)"

Sarah Palin said at the press conference today; "I am so proud to be joining the Fox TV family. - I never really belonged in politics with all those Jews and Spics and Niggers and unpatriotic folks."

"Now i can spend all my time with God and my family and Fox and the American TV audience. - Amen"

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Fox Announces -"Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Fox TV president Sammy Schlocker announced today:

"With the economy collapsing - we thought it would be fun to build a reality show around the Great Depression's most famous refrain "Brother Can You Spare A Dime" - which will have top executives from the financial sector - who have lost everything - compete against one another in a reality show where they use all their skills - in peddling apples on street corners in the new York City financial district.

Just like so many ex moguls resorted to after Wall Street collapsed in 1929.( at the beginning of the Great Depression) ---- these ex wealthy financial titans - will now apply all their skills to selling apples to the folks they fucked!



"Former Lehman brother executives - Merril Lynch managers - top dogs from Fannie and Freddie - and powerful Hedge Fund managers and brokers et. al. - will be given a fresh supply of apples each morning and we will tally up their sales every day."

"It's a zero sum game!" said Moishe Pipick, ex CEO for "Pipick and Gevalt LLC" - one of wall Street's most powerful investment banks , before the collapse. - Exactly the code i lived by, before i lost everything ."

"My Gulf Stream jet - my home in Greenwich Connecticut - my yacht - my Rolls and my golden Retriever Freddie (which really hurt!) -- "He went with my bitch of a trophy wife Marr. (losing her makes the whole ordeal almost bearable)"

Moishe continued; "I would just like to thank Fox for giving us a shot at making a comeback - and i know i will move a lot of apples!"

Fox VP Programming and Executive producer for the program -- Mannie Mandelbaum stated: "Boy we really have to watch these folks - they are already being very creative and ruthless in their apple sales and marketing strategies - we have even caught them poisoning their competitors apples."

Well there's always a few rotton appels in every barrel!

Saturday, October 04, 2008

God Brings Seven Plagues To America - Economny IS Sixth

Financial Collapse is Sixth Of Seven New Plagues From God



Remember the seven plagues that God brought down upon the Egyptians because he was pissed about their treatment of the Jews?

Warts and blood and frogs and bugs and crap of all kinds and finally - death of the Egytian first born – until they let the Hebrews “GO”

Well - God has gotten more sophisticated in the last three thousand years (not any nicer though) – and so we have seven new plagues from the Boss – who is now pissed off at America - probably about climate change and turning the Earth into a shithole.

He is also pissed off at the other industrial nations – but it seems he has a hair up his ass about us. (probably because of all the phony demagogic hypocrits like Falwell and Robertson and Hagee and Dobson and Limbaugh (et al) –who are always putting words in his mouth to raise moola .

And – who by focusing on sex and pussy and porno and gays and illegal immigrants – things which God does not give a fuck about – evade the existential Global emergencies which the Big Guy does think are important.

So back to the new plagues he’s bringing down on us:

First – Bush/Cheney – "eight years of these mother fuckers might be a wake-up call for ya? - huh? Huh? Duh?"


Second - 9-11 - and the stirring up of the screwball Muslims. 'I really hated to do that"

Third – Hurricane Katrina – drowning a big city - and letting the Bush administration run with the clean-up ball. "Still fucked up down there? –Huh? -- HAHAHA"

Fourth - gay marriage – "So - you hate forty percent of My/Gods' weird children? – Well - now they can marry and raise families – fuck you!"

Fifth – illegal aliens - "You – a nation of immigrants and dead beats hate hard working and striving immigrants all of a sudden? - Okeydokey – here’s fifteen million of them – say hi!"

Sixth -- The economy –" Still don't have your undivided attention? -- How do you like the price of oil? - The housing Collapse? - The attack of the Wall Street thugs and pagans? – The credit disaster? -and more on the way - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- oweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Seven – "And soon to arrive if you don't get your collective shit together - President Sarah Palin!" --"Sorry John."

Ahahahaha!Hoooooo EEEEEEEEe Yahahahahahahahahah!

God is one funny dude!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Simple Lie Detector To Identify Homo Priests

It's so simple -EVERY priest (including the Pope) and every applicant for the Clergy gets wired up and asked these questions:

Are you a homo?

Do you get excited thinking about a young man's asshole?

Have you ever tongue kissed a male?

Do you think Paris Hilton licking your balls is exciting?

If leonardo De Caprio grabbed your cock would you be thrilled?

If Cameron Diaz crawled into your bed and put her thumb in your prostate would it be exciting?

Would you suck the Pope's dick if he asked you?

Do you think God is a homo?

Simple as pie - if you pass this test we know our kids ain't gonna get the high hard one from a Homo Priest.

Your Welcome

Monday, September 29, 2008

Sarah Palin Will Orbit Earth To "GET IT" - so she says

Palin Will Orbit Earth To Understand Important Global Issues


John (Caspar the Ghost) Mccaine announced at a press conference today;

“When you see how much Sarah has learned about Russian politics and history – from just being able to see a wee part of it’s landmass from Alaska :”

‘Well -- just imagine how much she will learn about Global politics and priorities – by looking out at the Earth from space?”

He stated; “She is a very quick study – and I would say that after her first pass over the Earth’s key conflict zones – Wam! – she’ll really get it --all of it!!”

“I mean we were driving together from the Detroit airport last week – on our way to a Republican rally - and she said to me:”

“Wowee John - the rustbelt - I see it – I mean I get it! –I mean like cars rusting - the auto industry right? - Oh cool! –Yeah – Now I get it!”

Mccaine went on; “That’s what I call - instant get it! - I mean this is a girl who has been living in a fucking refrigerator her whole life - metaphorically speaking of course”

“And” – he concluded “When she gets back from seeing everything down here from outer space – and getting everything? – whoa!’
I sure wouldn’t want to be my old pal --Joe Biden – when he debates her."

Please dear Lord - help us with this one - this is no longer funny - maybe you could just kill her -and take a little time off - your'e working too hard

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Mc Caine Requests That Vulgarity Be Allowed In Debates

Well - Casper (The Friendly Ghost) McCaine - has decided that in the interests of "Straight Talking" with the American people - "he and Obama should be allowed to use vulgarities in addressing one another"

He stated; "Look - everyone knows I'm a straight shooter - and so let's just cut the crap and have some conversations with each other that most Americans can really relate to!"

"For example - Barak -your proposal for universal health care sucks!"

He explained; "Now that says a hell of a lot more than some high falutin detailed - gobbeldeegook analysis of this key issue."

"The folks out there deserve to know EXACTLY what the situation is - in terms they can relate to!"

He said; "For example - on Iraq - i would like to say - in "Straight Talk Express" lingo to Obama - Yo Obama - you are a fucking pussy with your cut and run agenda on troop withdrawal!"

"Now -you see how unambiguous that answer is?" -"Or - regarding abortion for example - How's this sound? --Hey Barak - maybe you think life begins whenever the fuck YOU think it does - but a lot of folks don't think that you are God - (most folks think God is white -heh! heh!)"

"Oh yeah - and about the racial thing! -if Obama wants to call me a white honky - go for it! -Shit - i'll just call him a fucking chocolate Muslim and the air will be cleared once and for all -and we can put all that racial crapola behind us."

Elise mandelbaum the Bandit Washington bureau chief asked Casper;

"Well do you draw the line anywhere with this vulgar straight talk?"

Whitey responded: "Yes - absolutely! - I will not call his wife a cunt! - and he should not call Cindy - say - an old rich honky hooker -or stuff like that."

"Oh - and no goin after the phsical stuff - like calling my arms flippers and about me looking like an old Klan member - or shit like that which could debases the tone of the debates."

"And - i will not talk about his Chimpy ears and face (ooh --eeeee-aaa -heh!heh! ) - sorry couldn't resist that - but you get the idea Elise?"

"And maybe we should refrain from just plain name calliing -that's not issue related -like 'You are a fucking cocksucker Obama!'

He concluded; "But i do think the public would like some of that - as it goes to the character of the man."

"And i do think he is a complete fucking putz asshole!"

Sunday, September 21, 2008

California Village of Pine Mountain Breaks World Record For TV watching

Pine Mountain Club Does It Again!

That tiny mountain community - nestled in a pine covered valley –surrounded by the Los Padres national Forest – and majestically towered over by Mt. Pinos ” (70 miles north of LA)

Has done it again!

Just last month they broke a seven hundred year old record for the most alcohol consumed per capita of any village in the world. (previously held by the people of Gavalt – in northern Siberia ;

And now – they have shattered the record for the most number of hours spent watching television - formerly held since 1952 by the Eskimo village of Shitumaoutsky (which means “It’s to shitty to go out”) -where the average temperature is 48 below zero. (and where Sarah Palin was born - to a Virgin Inuit Eskimo)

Moishe Pinsky – President of The World Television Association – told us – when we caught up with him filling up at the Pine Mountain Club Gas Station:

“This is really an achievement for the folks of Pine Mountain! - The weather here is georgous, and you would think folks would be outside enjoying it in this beautiful environment? “

“I mean – the average peson in this community watched ninety eight hours (in an average week) of TV last year – and you gotta figure that the kids had to be way up over that:”

“I mean – these folks ain’t doin much except maybe workin a little and watchin TV !– And judging by the size of them and the kids iv’e seen around here so far -- moooo! – unk! unk! --soooeee! “

“I just filled up here at five bucks a gallon at this rip-off station – so maybe they can’t afford to go out anywhere - but jeez –I wonder if the kids even go to school?”

“I mean – five of them just came out of the video store –and they musta weighed over a ton all together - they looked like a small herd of Bison!”

I notice they have an expansive recreation area with a ballfield and basketball courts – but there ain’t a kid in sight?”

He went on; “Come to think of it –maybe with their record breaking alcohol consumption up here - the adults are too stewed to motivate the kids to do anything?”

“I saw a bunch of bikers coming out of the local bar and two of them were puking on their boots – maybe the locals are too terrified to leave their cabins?”

“ President Pipick concluded; “Well – anyway – I’m goin over to the Ceremony at the Pine Mountain Club Clubhouse – to present the award .”

“I wonder if anyone will show Up?”

“It’s kinda scary around here!”

Friday, September 19, 2008

RedneckWolf Killers Will Have To Beat Their Wives and Kids For Kicks

In a happy ending to the Center for Biological Diversity's fight to ensure protections for northern Rockies gray wolves, the Bush administration announced this week that it's giving up and putting the wolf back on the endangered species list.

Thanks to a suit filed by the Center and 11 allies in April, this summer a judge reversed the administration's March decision to remove the wolves' protections, ending a period of indiscriminate wolf slaughter in Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and parts of Oregon and Washington.

Now, right before public wolf hunting was planned to begin this fall, the administration has decided to withdraw its rule alleging that wolves don't need Endangered Species Act protection -- just in time.

So now the lunatic fringe of the wacko general hunting crowd are hanging around Gun n Ammo shops in Shitburgs all across America - crying in their beers about the "liberal pansy elite Jews " who spoiled all their cruel fun.

"Those fucking queer tree huggers really fucked us this time!" said Wally "small cock" Thatcher" - over at the 'Boise Gun Barrel Bar and Grill' "I promised young Wally Jr. he would get to kill a wolf this season."

"Well hell -the guvernmint ainta gonna stop me nohow!" said Perliss "Pork Fat" Williams, "I'm gonna kill me a wolf -just like that Sarah Palin and her Eskimo husband do - and if'n i see any Jews out there in the woods - they gonna get a bullet too!"

"Hey Yooo!" - "Hee yoo -mah haha!" said small cock - yep - boy would i like to kill a Kike - and i'd put his head over the mantle with his Yomicker still on it"

"Well youd have to take that doe head down to put up the Jew -wuntcha?" said pork fat.

'Small cock replied "Id'd be worth it!"

In the mean ( a pun) time - the good ole boys will get all liquored up and do what they do best - be cruel to their wives and children.

Israelis To Use Birth Control Agents Against Islamofascism

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Israel To Put Birth Control Agent In Arab Water
Dr.Moishe Pipick. -- Minister of The Israeli Experimental Defense Agency -- responded to a leaked and classified initiative by his agency to stop the out of control birth rate in the Arab world:

"I will say this -- does the world need more suicide bombers? -- does the world need more illiterate and abused and brainwashed children? - Does the world need more children who will become dysfunctional; -- and become totally ignorant and angry and hopeless death worshiping adults? --Does the world need more people who will destroy civilization?

He continued; "They are breeding like rats - at a time when the civilized societies of the world are placing a higher priority on having fewer children -- but children with the potential to lead more enlightened and vital lives and to achieve some measure of clarity calm and comfort, self fulfillment and happiness."

"So -- yes - said Dr. Pipick - it is true!" He said; "We are putting a contraception chemical in the water supplies of some Arab countries -- and so now - when - they force their dirty Arab Muslim extremist schlongers into their screaming women -- and when they knock these pitifull enslaved wives to the ground -- rip off their Burkah's - and shtup their brains out -- they will be shooting blanks!

"Asked about world reaction to this arbitrary and questionable activity Dr. Pipick responded; "Look,these people are animals -- they have no respect for sensitive and caring parenting. They knock out children like bugs with no regard for their health, welfare or education --enormous growing populations of neglected children, and none of their leaders cry out against the sickening conditions:

"And the Mullahs fill the youngsters with venom and hatred --they can't even read or write -- they memorize verses in the Koran they don't understand -- and by ten years old they are ready to don suicide belts -- zombies manufactured by evil priests who worship death -- it's right out of a horror movie -- except it's real!"

"He went on;"And now that the cat is out of the bag you should know that while we are trying to control the human assembly line production of future Arab fanatics -- we are also artificially enhancing the birth potential of our own people --and in an ironic twist -- the people's of northern Europe including Germany - through their lakes,rivers and reservoirs."

"We felt the world did not need any more French than is absolutely necessary and the UK is just fine the way it is.(we are also considering putting birth control agents in all the USA red states )

"And - in addition - -- i'm sure the world would agree with our plan to stop the explosive breeding in most African countries (if you want to stretch your imagination and call them countries)"

"The problem with the Africans - is that their testosterone levels are so high it's very difficult --and their water is so polluted it weakens the birth control agent."

"The world will be angry with Israel won't it retaliate?" --said the bandit Israeli bureau chief --Elise mandelbaum.

Dr.Pipick replied; " Sure --but the world is always pissed off at the Jews anyway.- I ask the world -- do you want a bright future for your children -- or do you want Apocalypse Now and a remake of the Road Warrior -- for real?"

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Harvard is To Blame For Collapse of Financial Institutions

Doctor Moishe Pipick - professor of advanced accounting and audit procedures - who has taught in the Harvard MBA program for thirty years - and which counts among it's graduates - more high level financial executives than any other MBA program in the world - said today:

"Today's MBA graduates are a bunch of fucking assholes compared to ten or twenty years ago! - I mean -has everyone forgotton that GW got an MBA from this diploma mill for well connected wasps and future Shylocks?"

"It's a disgrace! -these spoiled avaricious greedy little brats - with zero balls and character and a total disconnect with honorable and effective long term business practices - without an ounce of street smarts
and practical knowledge;'

"All they know are algorthymic programs and maneuvers to get rich quick - to get into the mix where folks are generating hard won equity and slice and dice a nice fat chunk of "Flesh" for themselves:"

"They are one step below the loansharks! - They trade on their interconnected and personal relationships and secret handshakes and family fortunes and political clout - to skim the cream off the top of the economy "

"And - they always land on their feet when the shit hits the fan - while the poor slobs are left holding their bags full of manure."

"And Yale and Stamford and Uof P and all the other prestigious MBA programs are turning out the same crop of greedy and carniverous - mean spirited and totally unethical fucking assholes ."

Digibandit financial editor - Elise Mandelbaum asked professor Pipick why he still teaches here -with that attitude?

He replied; "It's a gig - and - as Clark Gable said to Vivian Leigh in 'Gone With The Wind' -"Quite frankly - my dear -i don't give a damn!"

"And neither does anyone else in this Ivy League rat's nest - prep school for high level crooks and cheats."

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Seniors and Prisoners Required To Generate Energy

A new energy proposal initiated by VP Dick Cheney would require senior citizens on medicare or in public nursing homes; all people on medicaide or on welfare , and all federal prisoners to generate electricity by pedaling on stationery bikes or walking on tread mills - which would be installed by Haliburton.

"The energy produced will help to replace our dependence on foreign oil -- it will be environmental friendly -- it will be cost efficient (no labor costs) and it will improve the health of folks who are adding heavily to our rising medical costs and who contribute very little to Society in general."

The next phase of this plan would be the installation of "electricity sensitive carpeting" where the elderly can Shuffle along and generate static elecricity (Zap), where excercize bikes or treadmills are not practical - or for use by people not strong enough to bycycle or walk fast enough.

Senator Ted Kennedy called the plan "shocking". -But Dr. Gita Pipick - head of research at the World Wide Alternative Energy Foundation - in Berne Switzerland -stated at a press conference today:

"This is a win win solution for all involved - and for all those folks who cannot afford heat this winter -we are working on home static electricity generators."

She concluded; - "And the constant shuffling will also generate body heat and promote good health!"

Saturday, September 13, 2008

American's Will Soon Start Selling Their Children - Say's New Study

“When people view themselves as doing worse financially, then that motivates them to purchase lottery tickets,” said Dr. Moishe Pipick, a postdoctoral associate at the Yale School of Management who in July published a research paper on lotteries in The Journal of Behavioral Decision Making.

"People are getting desperate! - This lottery thing is a sure sign!" - said Pipick.
“People look to the lottery to get back to where they were financially.”
“With lottery sales at record setting sales levels – and financially strapped folks spending their kids food money to win state lotteries with astronomically ridiculous odds:

It is now only a matter of time before they will start selling their children.”
Dr. Pipick continued; “I mean – there is a better chance that Paris Hilton will crawl into some fat greasy redneck’s trailer and give him a blow job - than winning the ‘Lollapalooza Twenty Thousand Jackpot Ticket’ -- from the local market”

“I mean - his porky wife has a better chance of Antonio Banderas jumping her in the Walmart parking lot - than winning at one of these ridiculous marketing scams.”

“And - his redneck kids have a better chance – statistically - of getting into Harvard – or winning a Nobel Prize - than winning the ‘Fifty Thousand Dollar Jesus Loves You’ scratch off - at the local Stuckeys.”

“This indicates total FINANCIAL desperation on the part of many Americans!”
Pipick went on; “There is a huge market in the selling of children in all of the third world countries - and a lot of folks in The United States feel just as desperate about not being able to feed their shopping frenzies - to buy some gas or beer – or some other cheap shit, - as starving folks in Calcutta do about getting a tiny bowl of rice.”

“Hey” – he concluded – “I might just buy a lottery ticket to win a blow job from Paris Hilton?”

Friday, September 12, 2008

Sarah Palin Galvanizes The Neanderthals

The Right Wing-Nuts Are Back in Force – Viva Palin!


Her come the Creationists – the Animal killers and GunToters - the Book Banners and the Homophobes - The Snake Chewers and the Oil Drillers – the whole anti science anti progress anti intellect – stupid fucking assholes who just love and are totally reenergized by:

Sarah the Eskimo -- hick jerk from the North Country -- Annie Oakley on steroids with a bible strapped to each tit – an AK 47 in her arms and a skinning knife in her belt:

Followed by a passle of demented and lusty rug rats and a husband with an icicle for a dick.

“Hallelujah! -Hallelujah!” – screams Sarah. “Get your torches and pitchforks and march to the White House! - “Kill the liberal Frankensteins!” - “Attack Russia – Slay the illegals – Slaughter the Abortionists – Denut the Gays and the Poets and all the faggot intellectuals and greens and….”

And – oh boy - the ignorant rural masses are eating this crap up like fried pork rinds.

DR. Moishe Pipick – head of the World Cultural and Universal Scientific Center For Social research – said today – at a conference in Geneva Switzerland:

“Not since the early days of the Social Democrats and the emergence of the Nazi Party have we seen such a cultural divide in a modern industrial Nation.”

Dr Pipick continued; “The US Presidential election is shaping up as a marked contest between the ignorant bible belting rednecks on the far right -- the hysterical lunatic fringe intellectuals on the far left – and the basically normal and progressive (but really pissed off) and mostly normal -- moderates and independents in the middle.”

Pipick concluded; “And - Boy oh boy - if that Ignorant Cracker Palin ever gets into to a position of power?”

"Oye Vey!"

Friday, September 05, 2008

Sarah Palin' Should Be Aerial Hunted - Skinned and Eaten

I posted the following blog two weeks ago - and now we find out that Sarah Palin is an advocate for the Aerial killing of Wolves in Alaska!

Sadly, in Idaho, wolves are nothing more than another game animal to be managed for the benefit of human hunters. Beginning on Sept. 15, any Idaho hunter with a hunting license and $10.50 for a wolf tag will be entitled to shoot one wolf, at least until the quota of dead wolves in his region has been reached.

And how will a hunter know if the local quota has been reached? There will be a hot line, of course!

A beatiful sentient social pack animal - genetic monarch of our beloved dogs - a magnificent symbol of beauty and freedom and the power and glory of our shrinking natural world;
Slaughtered by pscho red necks for what?


These same sickos would eagerly purchase a game tag for the pure pleasure of shooting a "Wild Jew" -or any person of color - or retarded people -- no problema!

How in the fuck can we let these pathetic sub humans roam among us with guns and liscences to kill for the pure pleasure of their demented egos?

Call your elected representatives - do something!

And - as far as that Alaskan psycho?

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Eskimo Chief Says Tim Palin Had Sex With An Alaskan Caribou

Tinkla Pipick - a seventy year old Inuit Chief - who helped guide Tim Palin on his last three Ironman competitions, said today - from his Igloo on the Alaskan glacier:

"On several nights when we were camped out on the freezing tundra - i saw Tim sneak out of his sleeping bag in the snow machine and slip into the Caribou herd"

"When i approached the herd to see if he was alright - i saw him mounting a huge female Caribou!"

He continued; "On one occasion Tim caught me watching him hump a Caribou and he warned me that :"My cunty wife might be running for national office - and if this gets out i won't be the only one without a scrotum!"

Chief Pipick said; "I'm only spilling the beans now because i could not live with myself - if that ignorant Witch and her Caribou fucking husband landed in the White House."

"And - i feel real bad about the Caribou!"

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

God Speaks To Sarah Palin - Wow!

In a speech last June to her former church in Wasilla, Ms. Palin said the war in Iraq was “a task that is from God.” (Mr. Bush made similar claims as he rejected all sound mortal advice on how to conduct the war.)

And -- In her speech to the Wasilla Assembly of God in June, Ms. Palin said it was “God’s will” that the federal government contribute to a $30 billion gas pipeline she wants built in Alaska.

I guess God is a bit absent minded - or he was just so preoccupied with telling her about his positions on Iraq and the Pipeline that he forget to mention about her daughters little problem.

Ah well - it was nice of McCaine to remind us once again that Government by "Tooth Fairy" is never far away in this great Christian country of ours.

If Casper chokes on a pretzel and VP Palin is walking around with that satchel full of Nukem codes - i'll bet the Russkies might just get a tad nervous?

You know the formula dontcha? - AC=I- 40% IQ -- or - Absolute Certainty Equals Intellect Minus forty percent IQ .

Or - blind faith is for morons

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Aircraft Carrier nets To be Used At US Open To Contain Williams Sisters

"I was constantly afraid that she would rip through the net and trample me like a giant black Rhinocerous" said Moishe pipick head referee at the US Open.

The head of the tournament safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent the Williams sisters from ploughing right on through when they thunder up to the net;

"Our tests have shown,"said the US Open's chief engineer - Arthur Cornwitz, - that a woman of their size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court.

"He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the US Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on US aircraft carriers to stop the fighter planes from crashing through and into the ocean :"

But Admiral Meyer Pinsky - Captain of the eastern battle carrier group expressed his concern; --- "Having seen the thrusting power of these amazing amazons on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her?"

When confronted with the dilemma Serena Williams said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test HIS burly black ass!"

Venus stated; "Ain't no net on earth can hold me!"
at 12:27 PM

Monday, September 01, 2008

Sarah Palin Is Just Absolutely Thrilled About Her Teenage Daughter Getting Knocked Up!

"Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We're proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents," Sarah and Todd Palin said in the brief statemen

Thats a political spin statement by "Whiteys" incredulous choice for VP that means:

"Yeah - my stupid fucking seventeen year old daughter is knocked up by some local Alaskan redneck - just what the fuck i need right now!"

" And It was fucking considerate of her to wait to tell me right after i was chosen Caspers running mate"

If i were Obama i'd be running ads with that classic rock tune -- "The Girls In Bristol Are Hot As A Pistol When They Do The Bristol Stomp" - playing over videos of an exuberantSarah - celebrating the socially conservative and wonderful news that her teenage daughter is pregnant - out of wedlock.(and didn't tell her dear mom for five months)


Maybe Sarah Palin should be telling American teenagers to keep their knees together instead of advertising the joys of teenage pregnancy?

And -- In case you didn't know it - "Bristol" was named for a tiny shithole town in Alaska called Bristol Bay Borough -- a borough of the U.S. state of Alaska located on Bristol Bay or Iilgayaq Bay. The borough seat is Naknek. As of the 2000 census the borough population was 1,258. There are no incorporated settlements -


Outside of watching the loaded locals making pee messages in the snow - fucking on the pool table over at the Antler Inn - is the main cultural diversion for teenagers in Bristol Bay Burrough!


(Outside of killing Reindeer and Polar bears )

Well - old "Whitey is now well on his way to sewing up the white trash vote.

And - now- we can all watch the social rednecks scramble to put a smiley
face on Bristol's fuckup - what fun!







Congratulations! - And - You too Sarah.