Trump’s caddy at his Mar a Largo Golf Course detailed how while trump was hiding in the marshy rough where he hit his tee drive shot and was just prowling around waiting to make believe he actually then found his ball and then place another one on the edge of the fairway,“ He always cheated like that” said Merle Crumpit trump’s regular caddy at The Mar a Lago Course.
He reported “Suddenly! - I saw like this 20 foot Gator rush out of a nearby water hole -Grab trump and drag him screaming back under the water -AND then there was a lot of thrashing AND then NOTHING -Gone!”
Florida State Police have cordoned off all entry ways to The Golf Course where thousands of people have already showed up bearing signs expressing outrage that Donald Trump Killed and Eaten by Alligatorlibtards from out of state planted the “Killer Gator” to attack trump.
Florida Governor De Santis stated “Comments from conspiracists like Marjorie Taylor Green that “Jews used a remote controlled “Gater Bot” to get our “Real” President” OR from Herschel Walker that - “ trump’s caddy must be in on this and we need a vestigation!” -Are not helpful at this time of great public mourning.”
Trump’s fellow foursome players were not shocked to find trump was grabbed while cheating and replacing his bad shot into the rough back on the fairway. - “It’s ironic” -Said Myron Goldblatt a Florida real estate tycoon who frequently played and gambled with trump on the course “ I mean -let’s get real here - Cheating and Lying was in this guys DNA! - We all knew he was cheating us everytime we played! -He would cheat anyone out of anything if no one was watching -heh heh -EVEN if someone WAS watching -He would just lie! -That’s just the kind of sociopathic schmuck he was!- The cheating and lying finally caught up with him by another BUT more dangerous Reptile! - Karma is a bitch!”
Latest news reports following the state diving Search and Rescue Team’s operation is that they found trump’s golf club and one of his golf shoes and his orange wig in the pond where he was dragged BUT no sign of the huge Gator.
Large scale riots have broken out across America with conspiracy fueled theories driving a new right wing fury prior to the mid-term elections under the banner of “Gator Death Deniers”.
Meanwhile Democrats and Environmental and Animal Rights organizations across the country are united in pushing Florida Animal Rescue to find and protect the Gator.
President Biden and his wife Jill and Speaker Pelosi joined together at a prayer offering in The Washington Cathedral thanking God for his divine intervention -And prayers for Paul Pelosi’s swift recovery.
