A team of cognitive neuroscientists and scholars from all over the world have evaluated the response of the Miss American Teen Contestant - Caitlin Upton - to that now famous map question and concluded:
As a prime example of what American culture is producing in terms of it's future leaders -- we predict that the English language and American intellectual and artistic achievements will decline to the level of babble in two generations.
The Chinese leader Chou en Wow had this off camera reaction to the following response from Ms. Upton, "Is she fucking human?"
Her answer, in its entirety, was: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as, uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us."
When Caitlin saw a video of her response she said; "Oh --i'm so much better with text messaging."
Instant and text messaging babble -- our kids are becoming Chimpanzees! -- Hooo hooo hooo hahahahahhh eeee a HeeHeeeehee!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Michael Vick Should be Tested Like His Dogs And Then Locked Up With Them
RICHMOND, Va., Aug. 28 — The fates of the dogs seized from a property owned by Michael Vick hinge on the recommendations from certified animal behaviorists
And reasonably so -- if these unfortunate creatures are going to tear the nuts of the first mailman they see after their brutal torture by Vicks and his buddies -- then they need to be locked up(but certainly not destroyed)
But what about that creature Vick running around loose? Shouldn't a team of shrinks be testing him to make sure he doesn't get angry -- and without his dogs to mame and torture -- hang his date upside down on a meat hook and take a blow torch to her vagina -and then drown her.
And if the shrinks find out he's capable of transfering his pathological appetites for violence onto human animals -- then he should be destroyed!
Because he was the perpetrator ! And i would rather use my tax dollars to pay for supporting his ruined innocent dogs in comfort than pay to keep that rotten viscious creature alive. (unless it's in a cage with his surviving pit bulls)
And reasonably so -- if these unfortunate creatures are going to tear the nuts of the first mailman they see after their brutal torture by Vicks and his buddies -- then they need to be locked up(but certainly not destroyed)
But what about that creature Vick running around loose? Shouldn't a team of shrinks be testing him to make sure he doesn't get angry -- and without his dogs to mame and torture -- hang his date upside down on a meat hook and take a blow torch to her vagina -and then drown her.
And if the shrinks find out he's capable of transfering his pathological appetites for violence onto human animals -- then he should be destroyed!
Because he was the perpetrator ! And i would rather use my tax dollars to pay for supporting his ruined innocent dogs in comfort than pay to keep that rotten viscious creature alive. (unless it's in a cage with his surviving pit bulls)
Senator Larry Craig Vsits "Broke Back Mountain"
"Yup -- we sure was surprised to find out that a good old boy like Senator Larry was getting a dick stuck up his ass when we thought he was either trout fishin or workin hard for us up in the Senate;" said Clem Spivey holding court down at the Old Buck tavern in Spuds, Idaho; a town of six hundred, mostly farmers, not far from where their beloved and respected Senator grew up.
Yep -- the news had broken like an Idaho thunder storm!
"Then came his arrest in June in a Minneapolis airport men's room, where the police had been watching for homosexual activity. The police said Mr. Craig had used foot-tapping to signal his interest in lewd activity, touched the foot of an officer in adjoining stall with his own and reached under the barrier between the stalls."
Marv Goldbloom sipped on his beer and said;"You know --when are as dumb honest hard working schmucks gonna wake up and realize that the biggest hypocrites are men who go around saying how pissed off God is with folks fornicating and getting abortions and cheating on their wives."
He went on; "It's always the preachers and power perverted politicians and repressed priests and loudmouth right wingers like Limbaugh and phony evangelists like Pat Robertson and make believe journalists like Bill Oreilly and self appointed tough guys like Giuliani -- oh hell guys - they are all so full of shit and venom -- and they'd all fuck a pig if no one was a watching."
"You're right Marv!" said Boyd Holcum a strapping potatoe farmer. "And hell-- i hate them pinko lefty liberals in the media! -- But goddam if we would find out shit about this crop of freaks we got a runnin the country if they wasn't always pokin their Jew noses around all the time."
"I hope ole Senator Larry gets a flat tire out on mule road some dark night when i'm around." said Merkel Hammy - the bartender.
Remember that flashback scene in "Broke Back Mountain" where they caved in that queers head and ripped his cock off?"
Broke-back Larry -- the Spud Stud!
Yep -- the news had broken like an Idaho thunder storm!
"Then came his arrest in June in a Minneapolis airport men's room, where the police had been watching for homosexual activity. The police said Mr. Craig had used foot-tapping to signal his interest in lewd activity, touched the foot of an officer in adjoining stall with his own and reached under the barrier between the stalls."
Marv Goldbloom sipped on his beer and said;"You know --when are as dumb honest hard working schmucks gonna wake up and realize that the biggest hypocrites are men who go around saying how pissed off God is with folks fornicating and getting abortions and cheating on their wives."
He went on; "It's always the preachers and power perverted politicians and repressed priests and loudmouth right wingers like Limbaugh and phony evangelists like Pat Robertson and make believe journalists like Bill Oreilly and self appointed tough guys like Giuliani -- oh hell guys - they are all so full of shit and venom -- and they'd all fuck a pig if no one was a watching."
"You're right Marv!" said Boyd Holcum a strapping potatoe farmer. "And hell-- i hate them pinko lefty liberals in the media! -- But goddam if we would find out shit about this crop of freaks we got a runnin the country if they wasn't always pokin their Jew noses around all the time."
"I hope ole Senator Larry gets a flat tire out on mule road some dark night when i'm around." said Merkel Hammy - the bartender.
Remember that flashback scene in "Broke Back Mountain" where they caved in that queers head and ripped his cock off?"
Broke-back Larry -- the Spud Stud!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Albert (Speedy) Gonzales Finally Gets The Message
Back in June The bandit got the real scoop on Gonzales!
Alberto Gonzales Has Penile Dysfunction -- Say's Mistress
Beleaguered Attorney General,Alberto Gonzales, is really in deep shit after his ex mistress Meredith Easton;who plays Maudey Beasley on Boston Leagal -- spilled the beans (or should we say the habichuelos.)
Meridith told the bandit's Holywood reporter that "Speedy" --the nickname she gave him (after the Mexican cartoon character) because"He cums in about twenty seconds --his record is sixty five seconds." She continued with her shocking revelations that shed new light on the mysterious firings of U.S Attorneys who had sterling performance records:
"Speedy hates tall people! --Especially tall Wasps! -- He told me that he was going to get rid of a whole bunch of tall and snotty gringo U.S Attorneys."She went on;"Speedy is actually only one quarter of an inch above the legal definition of a dwarf and he is insanely jealous of normal men. When he saw me romantically involved with Bill Shatner on Boston Legal he told me i was a dwarf slut and that he would have the Justice Department look into Shatner's background and taxes.
"Meredith continued; "Actually, 'Speedy' is hung like a moose -- but he can't control his cum passion.When i told him that Shatner can go for hours he went crazy. -- He even slammed a law book on his cock in frustration -- he thought the pain would slow him down -- but not 'Speedy!' --He blew his wad in fifteen seconds and started crying -- "Those fucking gringos on The Senate Judiciary Committee -- especially that kike Arnold Spector -- they hate me because i'm a dwarf!"
"Speedy" -- i mean Attorney General Gonzales, could not be reached for comment but President Bush reiterated his support for him and said; "Speedy?" -- hey that's cute! -- I used to love that cartoon. You know what? -- he does look a lot like that little Mexican feller --heh heh heh!"
Alberto Gonzales Has Penile Dysfunction -- Say's Mistress
Beleaguered Attorney General,Alberto Gonzales, is really in deep shit after his ex mistress Meredith Easton;who plays Maudey Beasley on Boston Leagal -- spilled the beans (or should we say the habichuelos.)
Meridith told the bandit's Holywood reporter that "Speedy" --the nickname she gave him (after the Mexican cartoon character) because"He cums in about twenty seconds --his record is sixty five seconds." She continued with her shocking revelations that shed new light on the mysterious firings of U.S Attorneys who had sterling performance records:
"Speedy hates tall people! --Especially tall Wasps! -- He told me that he was going to get rid of a whole bunch of tall and snotty gringo U.S Attorneys."She went on;"Speedy is actually only one quarter of an inch above the legal definition of a dwarf and he is insanely jealous of normal men. When he saw me romantically involved with Bill Shatner on Boston Legal he told me i was a dwarf slut and that he would have the Justice Department look into Shatner's background and taxes.
"Meredith continued; "Actually, 'Speedy' is hung like a moose -- but he can't control his cum passion.When i told him that Shatner can go for hours he went crazy. -- He even slammed a law book on his cock in frustration -- he thought the pain would slow him down -- but not 'Speedy!' --He blew his wad in fifteen seconds and started crying -- "Those fucking gringos on The Senate Judiciary Committee -- especially that kike Arnold Spector -- they hate me because i'm a dwarf!"
"Speedy" -- i mean Attorney General Gonzales, could not be reached for comment but President Bush reiterated his support for him and said; "Speedy?" -- hey that's cute! -- I used to love that cartoon. You know what? -- he does look a lot like that little Mexican feller --heh heh heh!"
Monday, August 27, 2007
Men Should Lose The Right To Vote For One Year
Eighty Five years ago Yesterday --This was front Page news
Washington, Aug. 26 -- The half-century struggle for woman suffrage in the United States reached its climax at 8 o'clock this morning, when Bainbridge Colby, as Secretary of State, issued his proclamation announcing that the Nineteenth Amendment had become a part of the Constitution of the United States.
So i have an idea which can save all our asses!
But first let me ask you a few questions:
Did you ever see a woman in a street or bar fight?
Did you ever hear of a woman killing a deer with a high powered rifle?
Did you ever hear of an incompetent female general sending young men to certain mass slaughter.
Did you ever hear of a women drowning and torturing dogs.
Did you ever hear of any women stopping other women from speaking or excercizing their rights.
hey -- you get the point - i could go on forever - but if you want to see what a society looks like where men completely trample on women's rights just look at the Middle East and Africa --the two deepest shitholes on earth!
And forget all that crap about being weak and needing male protection -- you ever heard of Queen Elizabeth or Hillary Clinton? (or any of my four wives)
Women are tougher than men --nature built them with lots of special strengths because they were designed to be storage lockers for all human life. And unlike most testostorone dripping males - they have respect for it.
So - on this anniversary of the day that women got the right to vote -- let's take a one year hiatus from male rule -- before it's too fucking late.
And --if the men don't cooperate --dildo sales should be the biggest selling consumer product on Earth.
Washington, Aug. 26 -- The half-century struggle for woman suffrage in the United States reached its climax at 8 o'clock this morning, when Bainbridge Colby, as Secretary of State, issued his proclamation announcing that the Nineteenth Amendment had become a part of the Constitution of the United States.
So i have an idea which can save all our asses!
But first let me ask you a few questions:
Did you ever see a woman in a street or bar fight?
Did you ever hear of a woman killing a deer with a high powered rifle?
Did you ever hear of an incompetent female general sending young men to certain mass slaughter.
Did you ever hear of a women drowning and torturing dogs.
Did you ever hear of any women stopping other women from speaking or excercizing their rights.
hey -- you get the point - i could go on forever - but if you want to see what a society looks like where men completely trample on women's rights just look at the Middle East and Africa --the two deepest shitholes on earth!
And forget all that crap about being weak and needing male protection -- you ever heard of Queen Elizabeth or Hillary Clinton? (or any of my four wives)
Women are tougher than men --nature built them with lots of special strengths because they were designed to be storage lockers for all human life. And unlike most testostorone dripping males - they have respect for it.
So - on this anniversary of the day that women got the right to vote -- let's take a one year hiatus from male rule -- before it's too fucking late.
And --if the men don't cooperate --dildo sales should be the biggest selling consumer product on Earth.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Fox Announces --'Deadliest Snatch" Will Join Fall Reality Line-UP
It looks like Fox has outfoxed the competition with a show which has a huge built-in buzz generator with it's name association to one of TVs hottest reality shows .
Mike (darling) Darnell head of Fox TV said today; "Well every network is looking for their version of "Deadliest Catch" in the danger/action reality genre --so we looked for something that might be extremely dangerous but not locked to physical action"
"I mean -- there is no action like "Snatch Action" --but let's be real --it's what the Snatch does to your brain that makes it so dangerous!"
"I mean --if you fall off a boat fishing for giant crabs chances are you will get real cold --but from what i can see there's less danger of actual injury on those boats than befalls a NYC garbage man -- statistically speaking that is"
Mike continued vehemently; " But a "Deadly Snatch" can fuck up your whole life in an instant dude! -- i mean ,if you get hooked up with a major "Deadly Snatch" you will pray to God that you fall off a boat in one-hundred foot waves and drown!"
'I mean; " Most guys would rather fall asleep in the giant crab storage locker and be eaten alive -- than get eaten up inside by a really "Deadly Snatch!"
"I mean - I know guys who have been attacked by snatch so deadly that they ripped off their own nuts and dicks with a pliers."
He continued; "Trust me i know --there is snatch that is so deadly out here in Los Angeles that you will pray that a giant crab rips your nuts off and you bleed to death slowly -- alone on the beach in Venice -- rather than get consumed by it!"
"And -- we are going to show the most "Deadliest Snatch" we can find on this show and all the vicious action and trauma that goes with it -- and it's not gonna be pretty - just pretty damn deadly"
Stay tuned -- and hide the kids and old folks! --and if we can save just one viewer from a "Deadly Snatch" attack -- i can die in peace"
But when Mike --when already?
Mike (darling) Darnell head of Fox TV said today; "Well every network is looking for their version of "Deadliest Catch" in the danger/action reality genre --so we looked for something that might be extremely dangerous but not locked to physical action"
"I mean -- there is no action like "Snatch Action" --but let's be real --it's what the Snatch does to your brain that makes it so dangerous!"
"I mean --if you fall off a boat fishing for giant crabs chances are you will get real cold --but from what i can see there's less danger of actual injury on those boats than befalls a NYC garbage man -- statistically speaking that is"
Mike continued vehemently; " But a "Deadly Snatch" can fuck up your whole life in an instant dude! -- i mean ,if you get hooked up with a major "Deadly Snatch" you will pray to God that you fall off a boat in one-hundred foot waves and drown!"
'I mean; " Most guys would rather fall asleep in the giant crab storage locker and be eaten alive -- than get eaten up inside by a really "Deadly Snatch!"
"I mean - I know guys who have been attacked by snatch so deadly that they ripped off their own nuts and dicks with a pliers."
He continued; "Trust me i know --there is snatch that is so deadly out here in Los Angeles that you will pray that a giant crab rips your nuts off and you bleed to death slowly -- alone on the beach in Venice -- rather than get consumed by it!"
"And -- we are going to show the most "Deadliest Snatch" we can find on this show and all the vicious action and trauma that goes with it -- and it's not gonna be pretty - just pretty damn deadly"
Stay tuned -- and hide the kids and old folks! --and if we can save just one viewer from a "Deadly Snatch" attack -- i can die in peace"
But when Mike --when already?
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Fox Announces Penile Dysfunction 911
Coming on the heels of the successful "Nannies 911" and "Neighbors 911" - the hit reality shows produced by Granada Entertainment; Fox TV's master of cultural enlightenment through family friendly TV -- Mike "darling" Darnell -- announced today:
"Penile Dysfunction 911" - will provide a valuable outreach function to millions of American families who are severely impacted by this horrible problem --he continued; "When the man of the house can't get it up everyone in the household is down"
Mike went on; "The frustration permeates the whole family as an aura of negativity doom and sometimes even violent behavior sets in -and of course there's the infidelity that arises from the little woman reaching out elsewhere for the "high hard one" (to coin a baseball metaphor) that she can't get at home."
"Our team of clinical psychiatrists and psychologists and family social workers will be prepared to employ the best therapeutic and drug therapy available in today's arsenal of modern medicine - to tackle the problem.'
"And --we will have the " 911 love van " stocked with six women who make the Victoria Secret models look like boys and know a few things about waking up the old one eyed monstor - and if they can make a Hollywood executive with an eightball and a quart of Remy in his blood stream rise to the occasion - your average penile impaired male should be - no problema"
He concluded; "And if we can't jumpstart the dude? Well then the whole family gets an all expense paid vacation to the " World Penile Dysfunction Clinic" in Basil Switzerland and the little woman gets three month's of guaranteed orgasms -- and an all expense paid divorce."
"Now that's what i call a fair deal and great Television!"
"Penile Dysfunction 911" - will provide a valuable outreach function to millions of American families who are severely impacted by this horrible problem --he continued; "When the man of the house can't get it up everyone in the household is down"
Mike went on; "The frustration permeates the whole family as an aura of negativity doom and sometimes even violent behavior sets in -and of course there's the infidelity that arises from the little woman reaching out elsewhere for the "high hard one" (to coin a baseball metaphor) that she can't get at home."
"Our team of clinical psychiatrists and psychologists and family social workers will be prepared to employ the best therapeutic and drug therapy available in today's arsenal of modern medicine - to tackle the problem.'
"And --we will have the " 911 love van " stocked with six women who make the Victoria Secret models look like boys and know a few things about waking up the old one eyed monstor - and if they can make a Hollywood executive with an eightball and a quart of Remy in his blood stream rise to the occasion - your average penile impaired male should be - no problema"
He concluded; "And if we can't jumpstart the dude? Well then the whole family gets an all expense paid vacation to the " World Penile Dysfunction Clinic" in Basil Switzerland and the little woman gets three month's of guaranteed orgasms -- and an all expense paid divorce."
"Now that's what i call a fair deal and great Television!"
Monday, August 20, 2007
Vick Pleads Guilty To Hanging And Drowning Dogs
The following is the original bandit exclusive on Michael Vick on July 26th - and they call dogs animals?
Michael Vick Eats Pit Bull Balls For His Small Dick
The Atlanta Falcons quarterback "Has the smallest dick I've has ever seen on a black man" - said Twinky Latifa, Mchael Vick's ex lover.She told the bandit's sports reporter Elise Goldenbaum: "He's a vicious psychopath who loves to hurt innocent creatures, and especially dogs!"Why? asked Elise -- he has every thing going for him it would seem? "So what that he is a great athlete? -- he's real good at professional violence, but what he really loves is extreme sadism.
He was born with a tiny cock and he can't please a woman -- and it drives him crazy!"Twinky continued; "When he was a young boy his grandmother told him if he ate the balls of pit bulls his cock would grow big and strong. Well his cock didn't grow and now he's all messed up -- and he blames the dogs.""He don't stop trying though -- Sometimes he would eat a whole platter of pit bull nuts before we had sex; but when his tiny dick didn't grow he would run out to the barn and do horrible things to them poor animals"
Twinky concluded; "He needs to be locked up somewhere before he directs his rage at some innocent person!"Elise tried to get some reaction from his fellow athletes about the size of his cock, but all they would do is smile and laugh.
Michael Vick Eats Pit Bull Balls For His Small Dick
The Atlanta Falcons quarterback "Has the smallest dick I've has ever seen on a black man" - said Twinky Latifa, Mchael Vick's ex lover.She told the bandit's sports reporter Elise Goldenbaum: "He's a vicious psychopath who loves to hurt innocent creatures, and especially dogs!"Why? asked Elise -- he has every thing going for him it would seem? "So what that he is a great athlete? -- he's real good at professional violence, but what he really loves is extreme sadism.
He was born with a tiny cock and he can't please a woman -- and it drives him crazy!"Twinky continued; "When he was a young boy his grandmother told him if he ate the balls of pit bulls his cock would grow big and strong. Well his cock didn't grow and now he's all messed up -- and he blames the dogs.""He don't stop trying though -- Sometimes he would eat a whole platter of pit bull nuts before we had sex; but when his tiny dick didn't grow he would run out to the barn and do horrible things to them poor animals"
Twinky concluded; "He needs to be locked up somewhere before he directs his rage at some innocent person!"Elise tried to get some reaction from his fellow athletes about the size of his cock, but all they would do is smile and laugh.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Common Folks Are Just Jerks To These Rich Scum Bags _ Vote Edwards
"All of the old-timers knew that subprime mortgages were what we called neutron loans — they killed the people and left the houses. The deals made in 2005 and 2006 were going to run into trouble because the credit pendulum at the time was stuck at easy."LOUIS S. BARNES, a partner at Boulder West, a mortgage banking firm
let's stop kidding ourselves! -- Even the glorious founders of our Republic didn't think the great unwashed masses were worth shit --no property no vote -women no vote -- slaves - no problema --income tax --are you kidding --everybody pays on goods and services (rich and poor alike -the same)
Hey-there ain't any better place to go -- so how about you all take time out from using your maxed out credit cards and buying some more shit you don't need - just to get away from your fucked up exploited lives --or from watching some crappy TV show -and vote for John Edwards.
He's an asshole too --but he is betting his political future on being the candidate for us poor and manipulated schmucks.
Or do you want to go on being sold "neutron loans" from people who laugh at you all the way to the bank --smoking twenty dollar cigars at their country clubs.
And if your worrried about security -- Al Quaeda is still laughing at how pitiful our intelligence resources are --we still have about five people who can speak Arabic at the CIA because they are kinda hard to find among Religious Conservatives (a prerequisite for any hiring by the Bushhies)
If you don't care -if your not pissed -- fuck you all --you deserve getting it up your collective assholes by the power brokers!
let's stop kidding ourselves! -- Even the glorious founders of our Republic didn't think the great unwashed masses were worth shit --no property no vote -women no vote -- slaves - no problema --income tax --are you kidding --everybody pays on goods and services (rich and poor alike -the same)
Hey-there ain't any better place to go -- so how about you all take time out from using your maxed out credit cards and buying some more shit you don't need - just to get away from your fucked up exploited lives --or from watching some crappy TV show -and vote for John Edwards.
He's an asshole too --but he is betting his political future on being the candidate for us poor and manipulated schmucks.
Or do you want to go on being sold "neutron loans" from people who laugh at you all the way to the bank --smoking twenty dollar cigars at their country clubs.
And if your worrried about security -- Al Quaeda is still laughing at how pitiful our intelligence resources are --we still have about five people who can speak Arabic at the CIA because they are kinda hard to find among Religious Conservatives (a prerequisite for any hiring by the Bushhies)
If you don't care -if your not pissed -- fuck you all --you deserve getting it up your collective assholes by the power brokers!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Jenna Bush Forced To Marry Henry The Wimp
Jenna Bush,fun loving and filled with vitality and spirit; has been pushed into an engagement with a waspy young republican conservative activist from a prominent (connected) West Virginia family -- rednecks with brooks brothers shirts -- who is getting his MBA and has a bright future in money and republican politics.
This marriage will last about as long as it takes for Jenna to find someone who can light up her G spot --and spunky jenna won't be bullied by momma Bush for too long.
A Texas friend of Laura's told the bandit; "Laura told Jenna that she didn't want her marrying anyone like her drunken playboy father was when they first met, and that if it is wasn't for Billy Graham GW would have wound up as a goofy drunkard."
She said; "Laura told Jenna to forget about all those silly notions about passion and spontaneity and exciting love and find a good Christian Republican Conservative from a fine family -- and no Kikes or dark skinned types."
Well, unless Henry turns out to be one fine hunka munka dive bomber -- he ain't gonna last long -- i'm betting on Jenna to find a real man!
This marriage will last about as long as it takes for Jenna to find someone who can light up her G spot --and spunky jenna won't be bullied by momma Bush for too long.
A Texas friend of Laura's told the bandit; "Laura told Jenna that she didn't want her marrying anyone like her drunken playboy father was when they first met, and that if it is wasn't for Billy Graham GW would have wound up as a goofy drunkard."
She said; "Laura told Jenna to forget about all those silly notions about passion and spontaneity and exciting love and find a good Christian Republican Conservative from a fine family -- and no Kikes or dark skinned types."
Well, unless Henry turns out to be one fine hunka munka dive bomber -- he ain't gonna last long -- i'm betting on Jenna to find a real man!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Muslims Extremists Set New Standard For Inhumanity
NY Times Report on Bombing Massacre Killing 190 in Kurdish area of Iraq 8-14-07
“The group has long been a minority in Iraq, and after some Yazidis stoned a Yazidi woman to death for dating a Sunni Arab man in April, members of the sect became frequent targets of Sunni attacks. When a video of the Yazidi woman being stoned appeared on the Internet, gunmen stopped minibuses full of Yazidi laborers and killed 23 of them. Many Yazidis have recently moved to villages farther west, where they make up a majority. The deadly assault on Tuesday crushed the hope that there would be safety in numbers — especially near the border with Syria, which American officials have long described as an entry point for foreign fighters.
The explosions also came only a few hours after Iraqi leaders met for lunch in advance of a “crisis summit” meeting to discuss how to solve their sectarian divisions and smooth out their knotted government.
The gathering, like many before it, produced no results. An aide to President Jalal Talabani called the lunch “an icebreaker,” but Adnan Dulaimi, leader of the largest Sunni bloc, said nothing political was discussed.
“It was only an invitation for lunch,” he said. “We didn’t engage in any negotiations.”
That's cool dude -- Let’s do lunch sometime! -When you get back from vacation.
“The group has long been a minority in Iraq, and after some Yazidis stoned a Yazidi woman to death for dating a Sunni Arab man in April, members of the sect became frequent targets of Sunni attacks. When a video of the Yazidi woman being stoned appeared on the Internet, gunmen stopped minibuses full of Yazidi laborers and killed 23 of them. Many Yazidis have recently moved to villages farther west, where they make up a majority. The deadly assault on Tuesday crushed the hope that there would be safety in numbers — especially near the border with Syria, which American officials have long described as an entry point for foreign fighters.
The explosions also came only a few hours after Iraqi leaders met for lunch in advance of a “crisis summit” meeting to discuss how to solve their sectarian divisions and smooth out their knotted government.
The gathering, like many before it, produced no results. An aide to President Jalal Talabani called the lunch “an icebreaker,” but Adnan Dulaimi, leader of the largest Sunni bloc, said nothing political was discussed.
“It was only an invitation for lunch,” he said. “We didn’t engage in any negotiations.”
That's cool dude -- Let’s do lunch sometime! -When you get back from vacation.
Monday, August 13, 2007
So Long Karl -- And Die Slowly
Can you believe this delusional moron?
"At month’s end, I will join those whom you meet in your travels — the ordinary Americans who tell you they are praying for you. Like them, I will ask for God’s continued gifts of strength and wisdom for you and your work, your vital work for our country and the world and for the Almighty’s continued blessing of our great country."
God used you as a way to destroy the bible belted warped evangelical political ideology that you mainlined into the Republican party -- like heroin -- and give the democrats a political franchise that even they can't fuck up!
I hope you are haunted by the cries of all the innocent men women and children that you helped maim and mutilate and destroy in Iraq with your born again - woopedy doo Democratic vision for a people you did not and do not understand and never will.
So you and your neanderthal buddy Bush can go huntin and a fishin and a prayin while the world recovers from your blind grubby power grab and thankfully short stroll upon the political landscape.
Reason and competency will grow up strong through the dry weeds of your hypocrisy and misguided and blind faith based ideological delusions -- and vision and clarity and thoughtful collective endeavor will rise again.
So long you fucking asshole - eat shit and die!
"At month’s end, I will join those whom you meet in your travels — the ordinary Americans who tell you they are praying for you. Like them, I will ask for God’s continued gifts of strength and wisdom for you and your work, your vital work for our country and the world and for the Almighty’s continued blessing of our great country."
God used you as a way to destroy the bible belted warped evangelical political ideology that you mainlined into the Republican party -- like heroin -- and give the democrats a political franchise that even they can't fuck up!
I hope you are haunted by the cries of all the innocent men women and children that you helped maim and mutilate and destroy in Iraq with your born again - woopedy doo Democratic vision for a people you did not and do not understand and never will.
So you and your neanderthal buddy Bush can go huntin and a fishin and a prayin while the world recovers from your blind grubby power grab and thankfully short stroll upon the political landscape.
Reason and competency will grow up strong through the dry weeds of your hypocrisy and misguided and blind faith based ideological delusions -- and vision and clarity and thoughtful collective endeavor will rise again.
So long you fucking asshole - eat shit and die!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
katie Couric Will Kill To Boost Ratings
As her news ratings continue their protracted swan dive --Katie's desperation has reached a dangerous peak!
Her mentor Les Moonsbeam president of CBS and his news gurus have tried every ugly programming trick; including as reported by the Bandit in previous bulletins: Showing her nipple -- having her voice dubbed over and becoming the worlds first actual news dummy -- and .having a replica of Walter Cronkite's head fitted over her own.
Nothing has worked to stop her ratings decline but now she has agreed to go along with CBS news management and go for broke!
On September first, the bandits' network news reporter Esther Ginsberg,
has found out; "katie and her news team and a special security attachment will enter Baghdad and travel to An-bar province, where Katie's mission will be to personally shoot and kill a Muslim extremist -And capture the killing - and her reaction on tape - for a CBS prime time special news hour report; "Katie Couric kills for you!"
Reached by phone today Katie said; "Look Esther -ive tried everything my sick bosses have asked of me -- so if i have to kill a lousy Muslim to prove to the audience that I'm not just another talk show pussy with great legs - why hell --I'll kill as many of those sick fucks as they want."
Katie concluded; "killing a Jihadist can't be half as bad as going down on Les ."
Her mentor Les Moonsbeam president of CBS and his news gurus have tried every ugly programming trick; including as reported by the Bandit in previous bulletins: Showing her nipple -- having her voice dubbed over and becoming the worlds first actual news dummy -- and .having a replica of Walter Cronkite's head fitted over her own.
Nothing has worked to stop her ratings decline but now she has agreed to go along with CBS news management and go for broke!
On September first, the bandits' network news reporter Esther Ginsberg,
has found out; "katie and her news team and a special security attachment will enter Baghdad and travel to An-bar province, where Katie's mission will be to personally shoot and kill a Muslim extremist -And capture the killing - and her reaction on tape - for a CBS prime time special news hour report; "Katie Couric kills for you!"
Reached by phone today Katie said; "Look Esther -ive tried everything my sick bosses have asked of me -- so if i have to kill a lousy Muslim to prove to the audience that I'm not just another talk show pussy with great legs - why hell --I'll kill as many of those sick fucks as they want."
Katie concluded; "killing a Jihadist can't be half as bad as going down on Les ."
Friday, August 10, 2007
Celebrity Colon Polyps Fetch Huge Prices
The twin American culture addictions for celebrities and collectibles reached a climax yesterday when a colon polyp removed from Susan Sarandon was sold on the auction market for fifty thousand dollars
"A complete box set of her prior colonoscopies along with those of Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton is on the bloc for over one-million dollars" said Dr. Moishe Pipick ,chief proctologist at Hollywood Hospital; where the polyps where stolen from a lab by some enterprising lab technician.
Irving Mandelbaum, head curator at Christies auction house said; "The colon polyp collectible market has gone through the roof -- it is even outpacing the "star shit" collectible market; which was launched last year by an enterprising septic tank cleaner in Beverly Hills (and reported by the Digibandit at that time).
Mr. Mandelbaum noted that a DNA certified dump from Oprah Winfrey sold for seventy-five thousand dollars -- but a set of her polops was on the market for over a quarter of a million.
"It's rumored that a huge Barry Bonds turd may have been sold to Beyonce for over a million bucks! - he hasn't had a colonoscopy as yet."
He concluded; "Americans adore their celebrities; and for this new crop of super rich folks,with their limited aesthetic development and general dysfunction -- the colon and its byproducts are a natural means to connect with their cultural heroes."
It's a cleansing thought!
"A complete box set of her prior colonoscopies along with those of Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton is on the bloc for over one-million dollars" said Dr. Moishe Pipick ,chief proctologist at Hollywood Hospital; where the polyps where stolen from a lab by some enterprising lab technician.
Irving Mandelbaum, head curator at Christies auction house said; "The colon polyp collectible market has gone through the roof -- it is even outpacing the "star shit" collectible market; which was launched last year by an enterprising septic tank cleaner in Beverly Hills (and reported by the Digibandit at that time).
Mr. Mandelbaum noted that a DNA certified dump from Oprah Winfrey sold for seventy-five thousand dollars -- but a set of her polops was on the market for over a quarter of a million.
"It's rumored that a huge Barry Bonds turd may have been sold to Beyonce for over a million bucks! - he hasn't had a colonoscopy as yet."
He concluded; "Americans adore their celebrities; and for this new crop of super rich folks,with their limited aesthetic development and general dysfunction -- the colon and its byproducts are a natural means to connect with their cultural heroes."
It's a cleansing thought!
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
NYC Council AttemptsTo Abolish "Bitch"--Vulgar March Planned
NY Times Today
The term is hateful and deeply sexist, said Councilwoman Darlene Mealy of Brooklyn, who has introduced a measure against the word, saying it creates “a paradigm of shame and indignity” for all women.
What's next from the word police? - Well first they banned the "N" word and now their target is the "B' word! Can you fucking believe this escalation of political correctness crap?
How about parents who call their kids stupid and fat and jerk-off and every esteem damaging reference imagine able -- no concern there -why? -because people like Darlene Mealy are politically opportunistic cuntheads.
Well were not gonna take it anymore! The Digibandit has organized a "Vulgar March" -- All defenders of free and unfettered filthy speech will meet at seven am on Saturday August 11th at central Park and Fifth Avenue.
We will march to City Hall screaming a list of obscenities that will be provided and conclude with a chanting of " Darlene You Filthy Cunt" from Houston Street to Whitehall Street.
Upon arriving at City Hall there will be a "Vulgar Dance Party " with live music from a popular village band "The Wild Cocksuckers" and a Jamaican buffet with food donated by a famous Soho Caribbean caterer -- "The Jerk Niggas"
Dogs and children are welcome - so come and march and strike a blow against Bullshit -- and get really Vulgar -- and enjoy!
The term is hateful and deeply sexist, said Councilwoman Darlene Mealy of Brooklyn, who has introduced a measure against the word, saying it creates “a paradigm of shame and indignity” for all women.
What's next from the word police? - Well first they banned the "N" word and now their target is the "B' word! Can you fucking believe this escalation of political correctness crap?
How about parents who call their kids stupid and fat and jerk-off and every esteem damaging reference imagine able -- no concern there -why? -because people like Darlene Mealy are politically opportunistic cuntheads.
Well were not gonna take it anymore! The Digibandit has organized a "Vulgar March" -- All defenders of free and unfettered filthy speech will meet at seven am on Saturday August 11th at central Park and Fifth Avenue.
We will march to City Hall screaming a list of obscenities that will be provided and conclude with a chanting of " Darlene You Filthy Cunt" from Houston Street to Whitehall Street.
Upon arriving at City Hall there will be a "Vulgar Dance Party " with live music from a popular village band "The Wild Cocksuckers" and a Jamaican buffet with food donated by a famous Soho Caribbean caterer -- "The Jerk Niggas"
Dogs and children are welcome - so come and march and strike a blow against Bullshit -- and get really Vulgar -- and enjoy!
Saturday, August 04, 2007
More Damning Cunt Evidence From Rudy's Wives
NY Times Editorial Today
Animal-lovers around the nation may also be interested to know that Giuliani’s second wife once asked for $1,140 a month in dog support for Goalie, the family retriever. Or that the third Mrs. Giuliani is a former saleswoman for surgical staplers — a profession that involves demonstrations of how well the product works during unnecessary surgery on dogs.
The Giuliani campaign has dodged the question of whether Judith Nathan Giuliani ever was involved in this kind of activity, which usually ends badly for the dog in question. This week a spokesman said he didn’t know, adding: “In the 1970s that was an acceptable medical technique,” which I think we can probably take for a yes.
So- do we want a man who marries women who probably belong in mental institutions -- to be walking around with a suitcase with nuclear attack codes in it?
Can world leaders - many who are now thankfully women -- respect a United States president with a cunty wife?
Sorry Rudy -- we need a leader who knows a cunt when he sees one - I'm switching to Hillary!
It takes one to know one.
Animal-lovers around the nation may also be interested to know that Giuliani’s second wife once asked for $1,140 a month in dog support for Goalie, the family retriever. Or that the third Mrs. Giuliani is a former saleswoman for surgical staplers — a profession that involves demonstrations of how well the product works during unnecessary surgery on dogs.
The Giuliani campaign has dodged the question of whether Judith Nathan Giuliani ever was involved in this kind of activity, which usually ends badly for the dog in question. This week a spokesman said he didn’t know, adding: “In the 1970s that was an acceptable medical technique,” which I think we can probably take for a yes.
So- do we want a man who marries women who probably belong in mental institutions -- to be walking around with a suitcase with nuclear attack codes in it?
Can world leaders - many who are now thankfully women -- respect a United States president with a cunty wife?
Sorry Rudy -- we need a leader who knows a cunt when he sees one - I'm switching to Hillary!
It takes one to know one.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Rudy Giuliani Married A Real Cunt
So this is the woman that Rudy left his second wife for?
"So Judith was expected to be part of the New Hampshire health care tour. But her plans seemed to have changed about the time a new Vanity Fair profile emerged, one that makes her sound like a particularly unpleasant combination of Catherine the Great and Britney Spears. The article, by Judy Bachrach, accuses her of everything from demanding a separate airplane seat for her handbag to putting her husband in harm’s way by forcing him to retrieve a bag of health bars from the hotel during a security lockdown." -- NY Times Editorial 8-2-07
So --either Judith can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch --or Rudy is deep down -- just another pussy whipped phony!
Either way he's lost my vote.
"So Judith was expected to be part of the New Hampshire health care tour. But her plans seemed to have changed about the time a new Vanity Fair profile emerged, one that makes her sound like a particularly unpleasant combination of Catherine the Great and Britney Spears. The article, by Judy Bachrach, accuses her of everything from demanding a separate airplane seat for her handbag to putting her husband in harm’s way by forcing him to retrieve a bag of health bars from the hotel during a security lockdown." -- NY Times Editorial 8-2-07
So --either Judith can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch --or Rudy is deep down -- just another pussy whipped phony!
Either way he's lost my vote.
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