xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008

Friday, February 29, 2008

United States Prison Population Should be Outsourced

Well it looks like - if you break the law in the good ole USA -You will do your time in some Foreign country. Maybe India or China if your lucky - but it could just as easily be the Congo or Somalia - or whoever makes the most attractive bid to keep you in captivity.

And with a new report showing that one out of one-hundred people in the good ole USA are doin some kind of jail time - this plan comes just in time to help our hurtin economy.

"Jules Hymovitz,head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- well - why not our huge and growing prison population?"

He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot for ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for under five thousand (and if the liberals don't squawk we could probably get some countries to pay us for these folks )"

"Were talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer - and I'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."

"Julie concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."

Outsourcing is a beautiful thing!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Mandatory Drug Tests For Congress - Most Would Fail

I'm willing to bet that if the US Congress were drug tested - over fifty percent would test positive for some mind altering substance.

And since their ability to focus and problem solve and manage their complex legislative duties is what they get paid for - and since we elect them with an expectation of a high level of energetic performance and clarity - it would be helpful if they were not fucked up on any drugs.

So let's test these suckas! - I mean we are so worried about our athletes not playing their fun games fairly - and whether or not Wal Mart employees can perform their highly complex jobs on drugs - or whether toll collectors will be able to make change after smoking a joint:

But whether or not a US Senator is holding a hearing on National Security zonked out on Prosac or Oxycotin - or maybe just did a couple of lines, or smoked some refer or took some meth: -- Oh, why should we be concerned about that?

Hey -and why not mandatory drug testing for ALL government employees - I am willing to bet you that fifty percent of the WHOLE government bureacracy would test positive for some kind of illegal mind altering substance.

And boy -would that explain everything!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

John McCaine Needs A Sun Tan - "Casper" Has To Go

I just can't get over the resemblance of John McCain to Casper The Friendly Ghost ! (see picture on blog)



And now that it seems his opponent for the presidency will be Barak Obama - this ghostly image is most certainly going to haunt him!



I mean - watching the two of them together will look like a Ku Klux Klan inquisition. This will definitely work against McCain and he should begin getting sun tan treatments immediately.



When the tanned and younger looking McCain appears looking like a stockier version of George Hamilton it will be the end of Obama (and his Cunty wife)



Now that's the kind of strategic advice and guidance you won't get from most high paid political consultants.


Call me Hillary - it's not too late.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

No "Cunty" For Old Men

That means NO "CUNTY" first lady!

Do we want a President whose last thought at night - with all the urgent and pressing existential problems he has to deal with is -"I wish that fucking cunt would just shut up and stay out of my shit - she's driving me apeshit!"

Or -"Thanks Christine - that blowjob has relieved all my anxiety and tensions and i can see a clear course of reasonable action"

I ask you --Goodnight!

Oscars Prove That Hollywood Can Save The World

Hollywood Will Save Iraq And The World

Now listen up Mr. President because the bandit is gonna save your legacy and maybe the whole darn world!You get The Cohen brothers and Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"

We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable and you will state the message as follows:""Hello it's me -- Mohammad! I'm speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah - and effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ."

"You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers -- enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran." - the message will then conclude as follows:"Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise?"

Mr. President. you must remind this esteemed creative team that; "These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"

"And when the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over!""

And you will all receive The medal Of Freedom -- And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project -- And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!""Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!"

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Top Historians Say No "Cunty" First Ladies EVER In White House

Doris Kearns Goodwin -- There has never been a totally cunty first lady! -- The closest was probably Abigail adams, who would qualify as a major ball breaker, but not a cunt.

Tom Cahill -- hmmm? - i would say that most if not all of our presidents tended to run the show in their households. Mrs. Lincoln had some cunty tendencies but mainly she was a wack job.

James McCullough - Well Eleanor Roosevelt was a very strong and independent woman,but there was nothing very cunty about her - i would say that Dolly Madison definitely had cunt potential but John would never put up with that shit.

Michael Beschloss - It's actually quite amazing that the Republic has escaped the horrors of a cunty first lady all these years and a tribute to the strength and fortitude of America's Presidents.Millard Filmore's wife started to act like a cunt but he had her banned from the white house.

Barbara Tuchman - can't think of a totally cunty first lady, which as we all agree, would have had a devastating effect on the course of American history. If you look at all the worst and most dangerous world leaders, you will find a cunty wife lurking somewhere in the wings.

Well - there you have it straight from the mouths of five eminent Pulitzer Prize winning historians - from George Washington to George Bush - not one Cunty First lady!

Whaddyasay - let's keep Michelle Obama from becoming America's First Cunty - First lady?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The History Of "Cunt" - As It Applies To Michelle Obama

A reader has asked about the word cunt, wondering if it had something to do with "cunning" as in "a cunning woman was a negative thing". It has nothing to do with cunning (which is related to the verbs ken and can) and everything to do with what it means today: "female genitalia". It first shows up in a list of London street names of about 1230. That street name was, interestingly, Gropecuntelane, one of a warren of streets and alleyways all given over to the lowest forms of prostitution and bawdry. It lay between Aldermanbury and Coleman Street (where the Swiss Bank stands today) and it belonged to one "William de Edmonton". Curiously, medieval Paris had a street name with an identical meaning - Rue Grattecon. Oxford and York apparently also had similar versions of that street name.

Cunt is believed to derive from a Germanic root *kunton "female genitalia", which also gave rise to Old Norse kunta (ancestor of Norwegian and Swedish dialectical kunta and Danish dialectical kunte), Old Frisian, Middle Low German and Middle Dutch kunte, and the English doublet quaint. And, by the way, the word wasn't always considered derogatory, even though it is today. Be careful about assuming that a word's modern connotations must have governed its formation. By the way, no connection has been made between the Germanic words and Latin cunnus. The proto-Germanic root of cunt is ku- "hollow place", while the Indo-European root of Latin cunnus is (s)keu- "to cover, to conceal", the etymological meaning of cunnus being "sheath".

So -Michelle Obama IS a "CUNT" - I knew i was right -and i don't think America has EVER had a Cunty First Lady. -I'm gonna ask some famous historians and report back to you - to see whether Michelle would be the First -Cunty First lady in America's history.

Penis Envy Strikes Again! - Michelle Obama Sets Off Cunt Alarm!

Michelle Obama’s comment in Milwaukee on Monday: “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change.” - will cost Obama the presidency!

Another spoiled cunt with a BIG Mouth - carried away by the limelight just like her two most recent candidate destroyers - Teresa Heinz Kerry and Judith Nathan Giuliani.

I'm sooo sad that Michelle Obamas life's experiences at Princeton and Harvard left her with a completely cynical view of America -- maybe she should spend some time in a more enlightened and spiritual country - of her choice.

Or maybe she didn't take any history courses? - Or maybe she's just another good looking spoiled lefty cunt trophy wife with a gifted and powerful husband.

Boy do we NOT need her in the White House!

Oh - and folks everywhere across this great land are a thinkin today - "Obama is hooked up with an American hating cunt - his first order of change should begin at home."

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?

Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.

I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."

She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"

Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."

But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"

"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"

I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."

"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"

Kid's today!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Here's A Commercial That Will Launch Hillary To Victory

Hillary is sitting in her sun garden at her home in Chappaqua,N.Y and as she looks dreamily out the window we hear her voice.

"You know -when the proof first came out that Bill had been blown by Monica Lewinsky i was devastated - i felt that because i hadn't fucked him for ten years that maybe I was to blame for his indiscretion and subsequent humiliation and impeachment."

She pets her doggy and looks wistfully out into the evening shade- and her inner voice continues.

" But i soon came to understand that it was just Willie's wicked sexual nature and that i should redirect my energies into trying to make the world a better place - to run for the Senate -establish a positive record and then maybe make a run at the Presidency?"

She wipes a tear from her eye and looks directly into the camera staring like a doe caught in the headlights -and her voice - gathering strength - proclaims..

"And no twerpy black "snake oil" change salesman, pushing a pile of generality laden horseshit is going to stop me from becoming the next President!

"I'm Hillary Clinton and i approved this message.

Stay tuned because I've got some effective commercials for ALL the candidates

Blood is Thicker Than Pussy Water

Ok -let's get real here! - You are a member of a race that has been systematically repressed since arriving in America in chains some four-hundred years ago -beaten and bullied and hung by rednecks and denied the vote and descent housing and jobs and .................

Your people claw their way out of the shithole that Whitey fought to keep them buried in and voila - along comes a black leader that inspires not only blacks but MAYBE enough of everybody to become the next President!

And you are not gonna vote for this dude if you are black? - C'mon -if women had it so rough out there - they would ALL be lining up to vote for Hillary like they were waiting to get it up the butt from Mathew McConaghy.

Women have it made in the shade thanks to us and they are still fucking miserable - Blacks know they are still getting shafted by the Rednecks and WASPS

Like i said -"Blood is Thicker Than Pussy Water"

And - There WIll Be Blood!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Human's Have A Genetic "Asshole Early Warning System"

Mitt Romney reminded me of how genetically sensitive most of us are in detecting "An Asshole".

Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce (fuck) with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)

If Darwin DIDN"T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!

Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!

It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.

Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)

What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)

Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"

These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!

Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)

I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:

And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"

It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)

More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

How The Church Ruined Valentine's Day

On this day of amative imaginings i thought you might be interested in the Pagan provenance of Valentine's day --Lupercalia

"The Lupercalia festival was in honor of the She-Wolf who suckled the infant orphans, Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome. Explaining the name of the festival, Lupercalia, which translates out into "Wolf Festival." The festival was celebrated near the cave of Lupercal on the Palatine (where Rome was founded, see Livy, Book I), to expiate and purify new life in the Spring.

.
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The festival began with the sacrifice by the Luperci (or the flamen dialis) of two male goats and a dog. Next two patrician young Luperci were led to the altar, to be anointed on their foreheads with the sacrificial blood, which was wiped off the bloody knife with wool soaked in milk, after which they were expected to smile and laugh; the smearing of the forehead with blood probably refers to human sacrifice originally practised at the festival.

The sacrificial feast followed, after which the Luperci cut thongs from the skins of the victims, which were called Februa, dressed themselves in the skins of the sacrificed goats -- and then everyone ran around fucking and sucking and drinking and dancing until they dropped!

This looked like too much fun to the Ancient Queer Priests so they turned it into a sappy, lovey dovey religious farce - BUT!

Little did they know that healthy modern folks of all ages would return to their Lupercalic roots - only with different outfits and bling.

This is a sure sign that the rule of the Queer Priests is waning - but we gotta bring back the goats and she wolves!

Happy Lupercalia everyone!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Obama Clarifies His Positions - Shows Depth Of Thinking

Using his best Martin Luther King meets Elvis (he loves Kings) persona - as he roles forth on a "Magical Mystery Tour" that would have bedazzled even John Lennon - Obama - finally- REALLY got specific about his programs:

On Iraq - oh yeah -yeah! - hey - whoa 0 yeah! - it's time!

On the Economy - whoa yeah! - Oh yeah -yeah1 - come on -yeah!

On Health Care - Now yeah! - Now is yeah! -let's yeah oh yeah!

On Immigration - security is yeah! -oh yeh oh boy -yeah!

On the Environment - Now yeah -now -yeah now -oh boy -yes - yeah!

On Change - Change yeah! -Change and yeah -Oh yeah! -lotsa Change!

Wow - this guy is not just another skinny politician with big ears! -And look at his following -oh yeah! - Rich progressive (supply side) boomers who loved the Bush tax cuts - Oh yeah! Young people who think he's the black version of Jerry Garcia -Oh yeah! - And young and old black folks who think enough white folks will vote for him in the general election -Oh yeah?

The Republicans are laughing their asses off --Oh Yeah! -Their codeword for "Get Obama nominated at All Costs" is "Hillary Clinton will unify the Republican base" -Oh yeah!

Oh yeah!

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Pope Benedick Is A Soul Pimp For God - Needs Jewish Souls Bad

The Vatican - with it's latest version of Darth Vader -Pope Benedick - just can't understand why their pimps have been unable to get any of their soul whores any tricks with the Jews.

Before the Second Vatican Council, also known as Vatican II, the Good Friday Mass in Latin prayed for the conversion of Jews, referring to their “blindness” and calling upon God to “lift a veil from their hearts.
”An unofficial translation of the NEW prayer reads: “Let us pray for the Jews. May the Lord Our God enlighten their hearts so that they may acknowledge Jesus Christ, the savior of all men.

The prayer calls for God to enlighten the hearts of Jews “so that they may acknowledge Jesus Christ, the savior of all men.”


Okay -where do i sign up? -Hey - wait a minute - what about the Moslems and the Hindus and the Buddhists and the Taoists and the .............


I mean is heaven like a segregated place with different groups all running around waiting to see the Big Guy - or is everybody besides Catholics in hell?


Hmm? -That doesn't sound very Christian -Jesus like or Democratic.


Personally, i think the Pope and his whole queer Vatican are full of shit and always have been!

You see any Jews running around LAX or Zimbabwe with the Mormons pimping and collecting souls for Yahweh? "Hi -my name is Rebbe Moishe Pipick and have you ever thought of being one of the chosen People?"

It's a fucking shame that the Catholic/Christian Soul Pimps have run out of indigenous peoples to degrade,sodomize - dehumanize -savage and drive into extinction.

God's gonna be really pissed if they miss their soul quota - maybe they could try their luck in the mountanous tribal regions of Pakistan?

Friday, February 08, 2008

Fox Television Announces "America's Funniest Felon"

Once again the rulers of reality have found a way to produce a winning reality show that also benefits society!

It's not a piece of cake adjusting to society after you've done hard time -- but, if a felon is willing to "Stand Up" and turn his conviction into comedy for a nationwide TV audience -- they might just become "America's Funniest Felon"

A portion of all future entertainment earnings by the felons will be given to their victims --- And :

"There will be categories for all types of felony offenses EXCEPT child abuse, and the comedy routines will be based on their particular criminal specialties" -said Mike Darnit Fox TV reality president.

Darnit continued,"I just didn't think that there could possibly be anything funny about that one particular type of behavior - and i had to overrule my production people - which i very seldom do."

Mark Burnett, whose production company will produce the show said;"We are working with the Federal Bureau of Prisons to help us identify potentially funny felons while they are serving their sentences and will send professional comics out to organize stand-up trials in the prison's exercise yards. -- We are calling this -- 'Stand Up With Conviction' -- and it will become a series of specials leading up to the series debut."

Burnett concluded,"We are currently auditioning celebrity's with felony convictions to host the series - and there certainly is no shortage of qualified applicants."

Stay tuned! -Host recommendations?

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Rush Limbaugh May Lose Tongue After Sex With Anne Coulter


Rush Limbaugh May Lose Tongue After Sex With Anne Coulter
"It was horrible!" -- Rush Limbaugh screamed,as tears streamed down his fat face -- "I was blasted on Oxycotin and she was screaming "Tie me up and eat me! eat me! eat me!" -- "When i came to --she was tied up -- with yards of dental floss and spread eagled on the bed -- she was passed out and the room smelled like a Mosque."

Rush Limbaugh recounted the events leading up to the terrible venereal infection of his oral cavity by Anne Coulter -- the right wing witch who gave Bill O'Reilly the clap (reported previously in a bandit exclusive ).

Moishe Pipick - head of eye ear nose and throat surgery at Lennox Hill hospital in NYC stated: "Rush came to me after experiencing burning pain from his tongue and a viscious odor emanating from his oral cavity. His tongue was so swollen that he could hardly talk" -- " Thurr dlrty clun hasth possnd plussy" ----"was all he could try and say and i gave him a pen and paper and he wrote -- "Help me please -- i went down on that toxic waste dump Anne Coulter and now i'm ruined."

Dr. Pipick went on "I'm afraid that Mr. Limbaugh's career as a viscious demi-god may be over -- our surgical team here feels there is a good chance he will lose his tongue -- part of his face jowls and at least one lip."

Mel Kornbloom ,Surgeon General of the United States, and Abe Ginsberg head of the office of National Disease control said at a White House news conference: 'We strongly recommend that Ms. Coulter be placed under emergency quarantine along with the entire right wing of the Republican Party." --"If this virulent strain of rotton pussy virus get's out of control it will make the Bird Flu look like the common cold"

David Gregory of CBS news asked them; " Would you recommend killing all exposed Republicans if it starts to spread -- like those chickens in China " -- The Doctors responded -- " would you rather see a repeat of the Plague which killed one third of the population of Europe in the thirteenth Century?"

Pat Robertson said today; "The lord acts in mysterious ways -- he has sent Anne Coulter to defile and destroy the Conservative Wing of the Republican Party for straying from the path of righteousness' --he went on; "This is of Biblical proportions -- like when God sent the plagues over the Egyptians when they refused to let the Hebrews out of bondage."Robertson said; "He has sent a messenger from Hell in the form of this Anne Coulter to spread her " RottonPussyDeath Virus" over the sinful -- the Lord has graduated from toads and rivers of blood -- to a more modern sex based plague --Hallelujah!"

Rush announced through a sign language interpreter --from his pre op room at Lenox Hill Hospital; "I should have stuck with Cotton!" (Cotton is his prize sheep -named after Oxycotin, his drug of choice.The Bandit exclusively reported in a prior post that Limbaugh was caught shtupping Cotton on his farm in Maryland.)

Coulter reportedly screamed from her quarantine; "I only wish i could have infected Hillary!"

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Mike Huckabee Would Become Fattest American President

William Howard Taft, at 6 feet and weighing over 350 pounds (159 kg),was the heaviest US President. -He was given the nickname "Big Lub" because of his size -Taft's weight caused him to become stuck in the bathtub in the White House on several occasions, prompting the installation of a new bathtub capable of holding all of the men who installed it, something the White House denied until the bathtub was torn out years later.

Mike Huckabee has lost well over one-hundred pounds and he's not exactly a Slim Jim! -With the pressures of the Oval Office weighing him DOWN - he would almost certainly balloon back UP into the "Big Lug" category and most surely break the record for Presidential obesity. (and the bed and bathtub as well).

So- do we need a President who will bring the full array of emotional dysfunction correlated with"Obesity"into the leadership of the free world? - A President who woud be known to world leaders as the "Porky Preacher" and to congress as the "Baptist Balloon"?

A Commanderin Chief who would need his uniform tailored by "Omar the tent Maker"? -and who would be called "General Goodyear" by the Joint Chiefs of Staff"?

I ask you?

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Priests Should Be Castrated After taking Final Vows

They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at "Club Vatican"

And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for fruit cakes who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.

And as wenow know, this has been a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims - lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less).

And if you think it's not business as usual in the "God want's me to put my staff in your mouth" business - then you must be delusional!

You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Jessica Simpson walks into his bedroom naked.

So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queers into "Club Vatican." And believe you me - it won't be long before the Church will be offering bonus' to anyone who will sign up - because they are about five-hundred years behind the times culturally- as usual.

Oh -and not to worry --God will keep your nuts safe until you get to Heaven.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Mitt Romney Overheard Telling All About His Sex Life

Mitt Romney, who has maintained in the face of wide concern about his Mormon faith, that Mormon ideology would play no part in his policies as president -- was overheard spilling the beans to a close aide!



The bandit informant stated; "I heard Mitt say that the concept of fidelity is ridiculous and that no red blooded male should or could be expected to only have sex with one woman for the rest of his life!"



He said that Mitt went on a tirade as follows:"A fat ugly Christian conservative ,which is eighty percent of them, has no shot at getting hot pussy --so it's easy for them to preach about fidelity. Wer'e talking here about guys who think grunting into a fat cow and blowing their load instantly - once a month - is what a sex life is all about."



"Now you take attractive and rich and powerful and clever and fun guys like me -- where every day there's some piece of ass throwing herself at me! These yo yo's who have no shot at hot pussy -- which they can only dream about and watch on their porno collections. - They have zero pussy options and they should not be judging those who do!"



"Now i want a family AND a political career -- so i have to have a wife and put up a front for those corny values addicted morons out there. But let's be real about it -- if a cool dude wants to have a big family does he want to have one tiresome and worn out and overburdened future hag of a wife? --- Or, does he want to have a dozen or so hot wives that maintain their pussy heat over the long haul?"



"It's just too durned bad that we can't be open and honest about these issues because i know i can do a hell of a lot of good as president. and i hate lying about my pussy philosophy -- but if i get into that oval office cool dudes and hot pussy will have a friendly Mormon president in the white house."



He's definitely got my interest piqued -- But McCaine has got some major hotty for an old lady! (I'll bet he's screwed way more hotties than that jerk Romney.)