First Recorded Case Of "Coyote Leg" Reported

A team of doctors from "Coyote Arm" International has confirmed that Manny Orbach from Bensonhurst in Brooklyn NYC - Chewed off a large chunk of his leg (which had to be subsequently amputated) -thinking it was his arm) when he awoke from a night of drunken revelry with Elise Mandelbaum draped across his body.

Mr. Orbach stated for the record; " I opened my eyes and when i saw it/her and i started to scream but was able to muffle it right away - THEN realizing how entangled we were -and in a complete state of panic and hysteria that i might awaken her/it - and be forced to engage it - I did the manly thing and went right for my arm - not realizing i was gnawing through my leg before it was too late"


He continued; "Fortunately i was able to extricate myself from under her and crawl away for help -and praise be to the lord that she was still zonked out enough that she didn't awaken - or i would have had to kill myself"


Moishe Pipick - president of World Wide Coyote Arm International praised Mr. Orbach for his courage -and said;


"Manny Orbach is a testimonial to the power and pride of ALL Men and we at WWCA are making sure he will receive the latest in prosthetic surgery and rehabilitation -and are awarding him The Coyote Arm (and now Leg) Legion of Honor -which carries a cash prize of one million dollars along with the many sponsor endorsements which are already coming his way"


He concluded; "However - we are not formally endorsing 'Coyote Leg" and recommend that you take a minute to get your bearings - take a deap breath -and go for the ARM!"

Dream Works Releases "Studsy The Queer Bull" -- First Animated Film For Gay Kids

Steven Spielberg head of DreamWorks and his partner,in charge of animation,Jeffrey (Jewboy) Katzenberg,announced yesterday; “We have finally completed -and just in time for XMas - the first gay themed animated film !" 'Studsy The Queer Bull',

“It's about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows. We were thinking of calling the film, ‘The Queer Steer’ -- but technically he’s a bull (obviously not castrated) and hung like a Moose. As a matter of fact ‘Studsy’ would fuck a Moose as long as it’s a male Moose, and he even tried ,several times during filming, to get at me.” Chimed in Katzenberg the ex head of Disney Animation who is a flaming fag.

He continued; “Our research shows that twenty maybe thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment.

‘Studsy’ will instill pride and identity resolution in young closeted gay children and help them ‘break out” -- just as ‘Studsy’ does in a very compelling scene where he is supposed to impregnate a group of prize cows,but ‘breaks out’ ( a metaphor for his closet) of the paddock and charges into the meadow --- where he proceeds to shtupp about twelve young bulls and eight steers in a violent release of pent up frustration .”

Spielberg added, “ Now you have got to picture this twenty six hundred pound Angus bull fucking every asshole in sight - the energy and passion and drama ! -- Think the fifteenth round in Rocky One.

At this point in the test screenings young boys were jumping up and down on the seats screaming, ‘fuck em -- fuck em all Studsy” and they were crying and hugging one another and some even started masturbating.”

They concluded; “We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment -especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our children - our most precious resource - to shape and sructure their lives as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art.

And - so - coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’. Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero.

Watch Your Children Closely

Remember what happened last Christmas?

XMas 2009 -Digibandit Exclusive

Santa Claus Charged With Sodomizing Elves Last Christmas

Santa arrived back in the North Pole after a long night of gift giving to find himself taken into custody by the Polar Police -his Reindeer quarantined and his sled impounded -as hundreds of elves with torches and pitchforks screamed "Santa is a pervert!"

Meyer Lansky the North Pole Chief of Police stated; 'Santa has been taken into custody because of DNA evidence and testimony alleging that he was routinely sodomizing both his.male and female elves - and maybe even his Reindeers?

He said: "And we are asking all parents to watch their children this Christmas day for any evidence of unusual or frightful .behavior"

"For example -If they are afraid to open their presents or cry at the sight of milk and cookies "

"Merry Christmas"

Worldwide "Coyote Arm" Gathering Draws Millions

MEN -FROM AROUND THE WORLD - WHO HAVE CHEWED OFF THEIR ARM SO AS TO NOT RISK WAKING THE "BEAST" THEY FOUND SNUGGLED UP NEXT TO THEM AFTER A DRUNKEN NIGHT OF PARTYING - JOINED TOGETHER IN BASIL SWITZERLAND TODAY -TO CELEBRATE THEIR COLLEGIAL HONOR AND BRAVERY -AND TO WARN "MEN EVERYWHERE" OF THE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES OF "DRUNKEN PASSION".

Moishe Pipick - Leader of the UCAF (Universal Coyote Arm federation) - chosen for being the first man to chew off BOTH arms when he woke up with TWINS - who in his words. "Defied description" announced:

"Men who have lost an arm in the service of drunken passion - bear witness and testimony to our eternal weakness for "Drunken sex" and the price some of us must pay for the dignity of All men Everywhere!"

Mr. Pipick went on; "And while there has been an attempt by the women marching outside our gathering to establish a "Coyote Arm" organization of their own -we can see by the number of one armed women marching - that they have a limited following"

"And - we have it on good sources - that most of those one armed women were the victims of MEN who got their arms mixed up"

"And in conclusion" - said Pipick -"I am so proud to see the growing numbers of TWO ARM Coyote Men". -"It takes great courage to chew off both arms - And we salute them!"

Fox Anounces "Die Laughing" using The Terminally Ill

"Hey -Laughter is the best medicine and in our upcoming new Reality Program "Die laughing" --terminally ill patients are gonna get mega doses of Comic Radiation -right in their Death Beds - at Deaths Door!"

So sayeth Mike (The Midget) Schlocker - Fox TV president -in Hollywood today.

"Holy cow Mike!" said Bandit Entertainment reporter Elise Mandelbaum "You are going to exploit terminally patients in a Reality Show?"

"Exploit?" -"Hold on to your size D Jewish cups Elise! -We have already brought half a dozen terminally ill patients back from the Grim Reaper's grasp in our test pilot"

"Bullshit Mike!" said Elise.

Schlocker replied; "Let me introduce ya to Moishe Pipick who already had his feeding tube removed over at Cedars Sinai when Ben Morrison a local stand up comic did a special 'Die Laughing ' routine at Moishe's bedside -tell em what happened Moishe?"

Moishe exclaimed; "Well -i vas riding up to Heaven on a bright light ven i hear "So Moishe - did you hear about the old Jew who had brain cancer and his wife tried to put chicken soup in his ears and..."

Moishe went on: "well suddenly i heard a few more Death Jokes and before you know it i was awake -AND after an MRI and a Scat Scan my Neurologist said my brain tumor had totally disappeared!"

Schlocker said; And - we know this "Die Laughing" approach can save folks and it's gonna be one hell of a funny show!"

Elise said; "Well it would be so wonderful if you could actually use tragic comedy to save folks Mike"

Schlocker concluded; "But if it don't get ratings we'll have to pull the plug on it --heh heh heh -heh heh heh - pull the plug -get it? heh heh heh!"

Visa Announces "Shop Only" -Shop Til You Drop" Card

WANT TO GET THAT "SHOPPER'S HIGH" WITHOUT ACTUALLY SPENDING A DIME?

Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ?

Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?

Well - with Visa's "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee --ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost a paltry fifty bucks

And you high roller's can get up to one -hundred thousand dollars in credits for a paltry three hundred bucks.

So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.

And for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and friends - getting yet another " consumption fix" - for free - when you open them.

And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Pipick's "Shopped" us for our housewarming." As your friend unwraps and reads the gift description - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".

And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!

Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Visa "Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! --For peanuts!