xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Tony (The fat geek) Scalia is Commited to Nut House for Observation After Gay Ruling

Scalia Arrested Trying to Burn Down Supreme Court
 party time Tony


borowitz-DOMA.jpg
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a shocking end to an illustrious legal career, police arrested Justice Antonin Scalia today as he attempted to set the Supreme Court building ablaze.
Justice Scalia, who had seemed calm and composed during the announcement of two major rulings this morning, was spotted by police minutes later outside the building, carrying a book of matches and a gallon of kerosene.
After police nabbed Justice Scalia and placed him in handcuffs, the Juror appeared “at peace and resigned to his fate,” a police spokesman said.
“He went quietly,” the spokesman said. “He just muttered something like, ‘I don’t want to live in a world like this.’ ”
Back at the Supreme Court, Justice Scalia’s colleagues said they hoped he would get the help he needed, except for Justice Clarence Thomas, who said nothing.
 i am white
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Photograph by Charles Rex Arbog
 thanks guys

Monday, June 24, 2013

Mitt Romney Heading To - Mormon Home for Criminally Insane -says Anne

Ann Romney stated: "We picked him up and at first he seemed calmer and more focused after the lobotomy BUT...'

"There was a report on the radio and as soon as he heard O'Bama speaking he started screaming and he tried to choke the limo driver  and then he removed his pants and started to jerk off!"
Mrs Romney went on;  "This is the last straw for us - the family has all agreed that he needs to be sent to The Mormon Home for The Criminally Insane"

She concluded: - "To tell you the truth -  am beginning to believe that all these Mormons are as wacko as their founder Joseph (the magician) Smith -they certainly all look a like!"
Romney with a wig

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Paula Deen's - "Nigger BBQ Cottage" premiers on TLDC -post Food Network firing

"Well -the Food Channel's loss is our gain";  -said Charles Schlocker -VP programming for the recently rebranded TLDC -formerly TLC Cable Network.
  Charles Schlocker  -VP Programs TLCD
 Schlocker stated"Paula Deen's Nigger BBQ Cottage" will showcase Paula cooking BBQ for her negroe friends and as Paula always says:"
NOBODY appreciates BBQ like a big fat Nigger Mama or a Big handsome Nigger Buck!"
 i just love MY jigaboo boo's!
digibandit Hollywood reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked Deen if she was angry with the Food network for firing her and she responded.

"Them Kikes up in new York City don't know nuthin bout Niggers or Southern folk -now do they honey?"

"I guess Not!

The Learning Disabled Channel Announces "Paula Deen's Nigga BBQ Cottage"

"Well -the Food Channel's loss is our gain";  -said Charles Schlocker -VP programming for the recently rebranded TLDC -formerly TLC Cable Network.
  Charles Schlocker  -VP Programs TLCD
 Schlocker stated"Paula Deen's Nigger BBQ Cottage" will showcase Paula cooking BBQ for her negroe friends and as Paula always says:"

NOBODY appreciates BBQ like a big fat Nigga Mama or a Big handsome Nigga Buck!"
 i just love MY jigaboo boo's!
digibandit Hollywood reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked Deen if she was angry with the Food network for firing her and she responded.

"Them Kikes up in new York City don't know nuthin bout Niggers or Southern folk -now do they honey?"

"I guess Not!


Saturday, June 22, 2013

Paula Deen Is Just Your Average Ignorant Southern Christian Ignorant Cracker Redneck

 Nigger is just a word -it don't mean nuttin
For over two centuries black people were enslaved - worked like dogs for nothing -ripped apart from their families -brutalized - stripped of all human dignity -hung from trees like apples -whipped and burnt and branded.
So when a prominent redneck like Paula Deen remains culturally tone deaf to the sensitivity which that sordid history produced it is less a condition of racism but a prime example of the fucking pervasive ignorance at the core of low class white christian red state ignorance that continues to resist all efforts to make America a fair and progressive Nation for all it's citizens.
These fat backward christians waiting in protest to the Food network's firing her outside of Deen's restaurant looking like goobers lined up drooling to get on  "The Price is Right"
need to put away their bible belting mentalities and join the rest of progressive America which is striving for a fairer and more illuminated existence based on education - intelligent and compassionate parenting -and an honest awareness of history.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Lindsay Mills is Horny and says Edward Snowden is an Attention Whore and a Wimp!

Lindsay Mills, Edward Snowden’s Girlfriend, Writes ‘All I Feel Is Horny’

  Updated Lindsay Mills’s father, Jonathan Mills, told reporters on Tuesday night that he had been communicating with his daughter via text message, but he didn’t know where she is. “I know more from your reports than from anywhere else,” Mills said. 


Asked about how his daughter is doing, he simply said “she’s holding on.” 

Mills said Edward Snowden, who dated his daughter for four or five years, had always “ been a schmuck,”  and when finding out that he’s the leaker said:

“ he should be hung as a traitor.”
 hopefully Snowden will also be hung

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Rupert Murdoch Divorces After Contracting HPV From Young Wife

 Better Keep That Mouth Closed Rupert
 That's Twenty Billion DollarsWorth  of HPV
Wendy Deng -Bad Beaver
Wendy Deng speaking from the Murdoch's 400 milion dollar Yacht told Hollywood digibandit reporter Elise Mandelbaum today:


"His old tongue was ready to fall out anyway!"

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Bachelorette Two Hour Anal Sex Episode - Highest ratings in TV History - Guaranteed!

 In my opinion a special cornholing edition of The Bachelorette would DRIVE 40 million viewers to this program and be a breakout example - once and for all - of what American Morons really want in escapist reality programming in this cultural era best defined by Chris Hitchens in his book:


The Age of Ilusion - (The Rise of Spectacle AND The Triumph of Illiteracy)


Week 3 of the latest season of The Bachelorette (1.7/5) saw Desiree Hartsock’s search for love pit her remaining 10 male suitors against players from the National Dodgeball League, take them to a dude ranch and discover that someone has a girlfriend back home. Of course, in the end two of the guys ended up going home. Also in the end, The Bachelorette was even with its June 4 show and tied a regular broadcast series low.

HOWEVER
The Bachelorette Anal Sex Special could make ratings and cultural history

As The Bachelors Take Turns Cornholing her to the delight of everyone involved - especially The Bachelorette who will then Crown The Winning Butt Buster:
 Her Butt Is Wild!
Her Crown Prince of Anal Entry


Grab this idea fast or The Learning Disabled Channel will jump on it for sure!
(formerly TLC)

Saturday, June 08, 2013

A Digibandit Reflection on The Iraq War - Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

After watching an hour of Bill Moyers grind away at how we were all misled about Iraq having WMD and led into a thuggish invasion by the neocons - i went and puked on my lemon tree in splendid Hollywood and decided it was time to rant a little on this issue.

One - what with just having a bunch of religious wackos give us a wake up call about how bright our future looked - and with one of the most pathological and fascist tyrants on the planet refusing to come forward and offer proof that he wasn't trying to match his "Death To America" rhetoric with WMD proliferation - we all were a little nervous.

Two - the idea of getting rid of him and his murderous cronies and liberating the intellect and spirit and industry of a huge - but oppressed mostly secular, Iraqi middle class -- and maybe changing the paradigm of middle east dystopia - seemed like a noble and prudent enterprise.

Three - how could anyone have guessed that our leaders would have absolutely no insight into the seething sectarian hell we were about to unleash - and that the debathification -- the dismissing of the army - the unsecuring of enough modern weapons to supply every Iraqi wacko for a generation - and a total misjudgement about the number of troops needed to deal with the chaos -and the total incompetence and corruption of the Iraqi leadership -and that the Bushies would assign the most critical reconstruction and oversight duties to people who's qualification was compatible ideology instead of competence .

(which as it turns out is the ultimate lesson of the last eight years - INCOMPETENCE - which is why the number one issue for the next election should be COMPETENCE).

So - it never was solely about WMD ! We didn't know!- We knew we didn't know!

And that was reason enough - considering Saddam's history and the long term potential to eliminate his regime and give Iraqis a real shot at a life -and the potential to remodel the region; to take him out.(unless you think the collateral damage/innocent bystanders moral issue trumps all other considerations -- in which case you should start a revolution or shut the fuck up about it).

It doesn't piss me off that they didn't just say that - after all they are dealing with a public that is basically ignorant and delusional with belligerent rednecks one one side of the aisle and queer liberal cultural relativists on the other. And in the middle -- pretty much politically anethesized.

That's it -- Hope you had a great black Friday and have a great Internet Monday - and shop till you drop!

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Pope Tells US Churches -"No More Eating of Vaginas"



 NO more pussy eating!- hokay?



The Pope sent an IM to his top American Priests today telling them to desist immeddiately from any sex that would put them at risk from HPV Virus

He said: "in recent years scientists have documented a steep rise in throat cancers caused by a strain of HPV that can be transmitted through oral sex. The virus, human papillomavirus Type 16, also causes many cases of cervical cancer in women.

In the 1980s, only a small number of throat cancers were linked to HPV infection. Historically, patients who developed the disease were in their 70s and were heavy smokers and drinkers.

Now, about 70 percent of all throat cancers are caused by HPV, up from roughly 15 percent three decades ago. Patients are now more frequently middle-aged husbands and fathers who are economically well off, nonsmokers and not particularly heavy drinkers. Men are three times more likely to be diagnosed than women with HPV-related throat cancer. "


He further stated"itsa bad enough you lika to cornhole younga kids But i am a tellin you -i hava zero tolerance for this cunnilingus dirty stuff!"

Sunday, June 02, 2013

Palestinian Chickens Should Be In Syria helping Out Their Sunni Brothers

they are brave when they know the Israeli's won't just mow them down like dogs and they hide behind their kids BUT
when it comes to fighting against this MUSLIM Slaughterer they hide like Chickens!
If it wasn't for the military superiority of the Jews the Palestinians would be overrun by the Shiites in Iran who have now cut off aid to Hamas for supporting the Syrian revolution
"
 Palestinians are Sunni dogs
 
At least Hamas has balls!

AND
 
while the tribal Muslim Arabs tear each other to pieces as usual
 
 
 
 
 
Israel Just keeps  prospering! -A Beacon of Democratic Civility in a Sea of Muslim Shit and Terror!