America has more than two million citizens behind bars, the highest absolute and per capita rate of incarceration in the world. Black Americans, a mere 13 percent of the population, constitute half of this country’s prisoners. A tenth of all black men between ages 20 and 35 are in jail or prison; blacks are incarcerated at over eight times the white rate.
The effect on black communities is catastrophic: one in three male African-Americans in their 30s now has a prison record, as do nearly two-thirds of all black male high school dropouts. These numbers and rates are incomparably greater than anything achieved at the height of the Jim Crow era. What’s odd is how long it has taken the African-American community to address in a forceful and thoughtful way this racially biased and utterly counterproductive situation.
How, after decades of undeniable racial progress, did we end up with this virtual gulag of racial incarceration? Well if you listen to Jesse Jackson or The Rev.Al Sharpton it's all the fault of us racist whiteys!
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But there is another equally important cause: the simple fact that young black men commit a disproportionate number of crimes, especially violent crimes, which cannot be attributed to judicial bias, racism or economic hardships -- The rate at which blacks commit homicides is seven times that of whites.
Why is this? The continuing reinforcement of bad behavior by black celebrities and leaders and the lack of a significant response from black family groups -sure doesn't help this pathetic situation.
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In New York City, the tabloids published sensational details of the bias suit brought by a black former executive for the Knicks, Anucha Browne Sanders, who claims that she was frequently called a “bitch” and a “ho” by the Knicks coach and president, Isiah Thomas. In a video deposition, Thomas said that while it is always wrong for a white man to verbally abuse a black woman in such terms, it was “not as much ... I’m sorry to say” for a black man to do so.
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Across the nation, religious African-Americans were shocked that the evangelical minister Juanita Bynum, an enormously popular source of inspiration for churchgoing black women, said she was brutally beaten in a parking lot by her estranged husband, Bishop Thomas Weeks.
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O. J. Simpson, the malevolent central player in an iconic moment in the nation’s recent black-white (as well as male-female) relations, reappeared on the scene, charged with attempted burglary, kidnapping and felonious assault in Las Vegas, in what he claimed was merely an attempt to recover stolen memorabilia.
These events (the tip of the iceberg) all point to something that has been swept under the rug for too long in black America: the crisis in relations between men and women of all classes and, as a result, the catastrophic state of black family life, especially among the poor. Isiah Thomas’s outrageous double standard shocked many blacks in New York only because he had the nerve to say out loud what is a fact of life for too many black women who must daily confront indignity and abuse in hip-hop misogyny and everyday conversation.
What is done with words is merely the verbal end of a continuum of abuse that too often ends with beatings and spousal homicide. Black relationships and families fail at high rates because women increasingly refuse to put up with this abuse. The resulting absence of fathers — some 70 percent of black babies are born to single mothers — is undoubtedly a major cause of youth delinquency.
So- it's obvious that black parents can't cope with all this cultural negativity. The answer is to create the crystal clear perception in the black community that going to jail is not just another notch in your life experience - a cool street cred on the way to becoming a bigger deal in the ghetto -- a place to hang out with your brovas and lift weights and eat good on Uncle SAM.
These kids don't miss their loving families or children or miss the tenderness and sharing of a loving romance - prison is an extension of their fucked up violent lives and pathological behavior. (and their is no social stigma in doing time - it's cool).
Prison has got to become their worst nightmare! -- Hard work -- no TV - shit food (but nutritious) -- no gathering and spitting and screaming motherfucker all day long in social settings that are a total re creation of life back home in the hood.
Prison is a criminal's worst nightmare if you are basically a"normal fuck-up" -especially because seventy percent of the people you're locked up with are these street animals to whom it's no big thing - it's cool!
If this sounds harsh and racist I'm sorry - but in another ten years our society will look an armed camp if we don't take tough measures now. And - the congress ain't gonna do the right thing with education and rehabilitation (which i'm in total favor of) -- because most of them ARE racists.
So - i vote for protecting my family with laws that will pass and will work -it's a tribal thing.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Paris Hilton Wants To Hump King Kong To Death
"Paris Hilton is full of baloney!" a close male friend of hers told the bandit Hollywood reporter,Elise Mandelbaum yesterday, at his home in Malibu. -- "The only reason she wants to go to Rwanda is because they have a large population of silver-back mountain Gorillas there; -- and she told me she wants to fuck one of them!"
He was responding to news reports that Hilton had told the press she was going there on a humanitarian mission - as follows:
"The hotel heiress - who vowed to better herself after serving 23 days in jail for driving offences in June - hopes to use her fame to draw attention to the plight of the war-torn African country.
Paris, 26, told E! Online: "I'll be going in November, after I get back from filming my movie. "There's so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help.
"I want to visit more countries where poverty and children's issues are a big concern. "I know there's a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues."
Paris' ex boyfriend continued; "She and i went to see the King Kong movie -- you know, the Peter Jackson extravaganza -and in the scenes where Kong and Naomi Watts are getting lovey dovey Paris went wild!"
"She started to moan and sweat and quiver all over and she grabbed my crotch and practically dragged me into the ladies room. We did it and i had to stuff toilet paper in her mouth because she kept screaming -- "Fuck me Kong! --Fuck me Kong! -and i was sure we would be arrested!"
He went on; "She plays the movie over and over in her private screening room and she has men dress up in Gorilla outfits and --well you get the picture.!" --"Anyway, about a month ago she told me that she was going to make up this humanitarian ("bullshit") angle to look good in the press after all her psycho behavior; and when she got to Rwanda she was going to travel with professional bush guides to the rain forest to find a huge silver-back mountain Gorilla."
"And then what?" asked our reporter. -- to which he replied; "And then what? Well - Paris told me -- she was going to fuck King Kong --to death!"
I certainly hope they get that on tape -- it would get one hundred million hits on You Tube!
He was responding to news reports that Hilton had told the press she was going there on a humanitarian mission - as follows:
"The hotel heiress - who vowed to better herself after serving 23 days in jail for driving offences in June - hopes to use her fame to draw attention to the plight of the war-torn African country.
Paris, 26, told E! Online: "I'll be going in November, after I get back from filming my movie. "There's so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help.
"I want to visit more countries where poverty and children's issues are a big concern. "I know there's a lot of good I can do just by getting involved and bringing attention to these issues."
Paris' ex boyfriend continued; "She and i went to see the King Kong movie -- you know, the Peter Jackson extravaganza -and in the scenes where Kong and Naomi Watts are getting lovey dovey Paris went wild!"
"She started to moan and sweat and quiver all over and she grabbed my crotch and practically dragged me into the ladies room. We did it and i had to stuff toilet paper in her mouth because she kept screaming -- "Fuck me Kong! --Fuck me Kong! -and i was sure we would be arrested!"
He went on; "She plays the movie over and over in her private screening room and she has men dress up in Gorilla outfits and --well you get the picture.!" --"Anyway, about a month ago she told me that she was going to make up this humanitarian ("bullshit") angle to look good in the press after all her psycho behavior; and when she got to Rwanda she was going to travel with professional bush guides to the rain forest to find a huge silver-back mountain Gorilla."
"And then what?" asked our reporter. -- to which he replied; "And then what? Well - Paris told me -- she was going to fuck King Kong --to death!"
I certainly hope they get that on tape -- it would get one hundred million hits on You Tube!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
More Proof That Rudy Is Dominated By His Bitchy Wife
The bandit has already posted about Rudy's Wife from hell Judith Nathan Giuliani -- excerpts herewith:
"The third Mrs. Giuliani is a former saleswoman for surgical staplers — a profession that involves demonstrations of how well the product works during unnecessary surgery on dogs.The Giuliani campaign has dodged the question of whether Judith Nathan Giuliani ever was involved in this kind of activity, which usually ends badly for the dog in question."
We also recounted in a prior post the article, by Judy Bachrach that accuses Mrs. Giuliani of everything from demanding a separate airplane seat for her handbag to putting her husband in harm’s way by forcing him to retrieve a bag of health bars from the hotel during a security lockdown." -- NY Times Editorial 8-2-07.
So- do we want a man who marries a women who probably belongs in a mental institution -- to be walking around with a suitcase with nuclear attack codes in it?
Oh and here's a report from the NRA convention Rudy Giuliani was attending this week (following in John Kerry's ill-fated attemps to come across as a good old boy)
"To the amazement of the audience, he interrupted his speech to have a lovey-dovey chat with Judi, who was about to get on a plane back from London.
After telling her that he was talking to the N.R.A. — a big speech that you would imagine she would know about, and not want to interrupt — he asked if she wanted to give a shout out to the gun-lovers and then paused while she spoke to him."
"After saying “I love you” twice and signing off with another “dear,” he joked to the audience that he would have been in trouble if he hadn’t taken the call, noting that “this is one of the great blessings of the modern age, being always available."
Oh my God - are you puking yet - what a pussy asshole -- can't you just see it! -- President Giuliani is in a Homeland security meeting and that cunt calls him and he say's "I'm so sorry but i have to take that call - I'll get back to you about going to an Orange alert --she's overtired from all her shopping and boy am i in for it if i don't kiss her ass right away!"
Hey - no joke - this guy is a weak dangerous phony!
"The third Mrs. Giuliani is a former saleswoman for surgical staplers — a profession that involves demonstrations of how well the product works during unnecessary surgery on dogs.The Giuliani campaign has dodged the question of whether Judith Nathan Giuliani ever was involved in this kind of activity, which usually ends badly for the dog in question."
We also recounted in a prior post the article, by Judy Bachrach that accuses Mrs. Giuliani of everything from demanding a separate airplane seat for her handbag to putting her husband in harm’s way by forcing him to retrieve a bag of health bars from the hotel during a security lockdown." -- NY Times Editorial 8-2-07.
So- do we want a man who marries a women who probably belongs in a mental institution -- to be walking around with a suitcase with nuclear attack codes in it?
Oh and here's a report from the NRA convention Rudy Giuliani was attending this week (following in John Kerry's ill-fated attemps to come across as a good old boy)
"To the amazement of the audience, he interrupted his speech to have a lovey-dovey chat with Judi, who was about to get on a plane back from London.
After telling her that he was talking to the N.R.A. — a big speech that you would imagine she would know about, and not want to interrupt — he asked if she wanted to give a shout out to the gun-lovers and then paused while she spoke to him."
"After saying “I love you” twice and signing off with another “dear,” he joked to the audience that he would have been in trouble if he hadn’t taken the call, noting that “this is one of the great blessings of the modern age, being always available."
Oh my God - are you puking yet - what a pussy asshole -- can't you just see it! -- President Giuliani is in a Homeland security meeting and that cunt calls him and he say's "I'm so sorry but i have to take that call - I'll get back to you about going to an Orange alert --she's overtired from all her shopping and boy am i in for it if i don't kiss her ass right away!"
Hey - no joke - this guy is a weak dangerous phony!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Hollywood Will Save Iraq And The World
Now listen up Mr. President because the bandit is gonna save your legacy and maybe the whole darn world! : - You get Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.
You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the "Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"
'We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable."
You will state the message as follows: "Hello it's me! Mohammad!Speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah ." -- "Effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ." --"You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers ." -- "Enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran!"
Furthermore the message will conclude with; "Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- "What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise?"
You will remind this esteemed creative team that;"These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"
"When the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over! --and you will all receive The medal Of Freedom"
And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project" -- "And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!"
Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!
You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the "Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"
'We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable."
You will state the message as follows: "Hello it's me! Mohammad!Speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah ." -- "Effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ." --"You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers ." -- "Enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran!"
Furthermore the message will conclude with; "Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- "What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise?"
You will remind this esteemed creative team that;"These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"
"When the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over! --and you will all receive The medal Of Freedom"
And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project" -- "And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!"
Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Pope Benedick Grabbed Condoleeza Rice's Ass In Vatican
"Pope Benedict XVI refused a recent request by US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to discuss the Middle East and Iraq, Vatican sources say."
While everyone in the media is analyzing the reason for the Pope's snub of our Secretary of State ( The Iraq war -protection of Christians in Iraq - He's on vacation -yadadadadad) -- The bandit's Vatican reporter has the real scoop!
Esther Mandelbaum spoke to a close personal assistant to the Pope who told her off the record; "The Popa hasa always hadda the hotsa for Condi!"
He went on; "I hearda him tella Cardinal Luigi Pastavazool that he thoughta she had great legs and a tighta ass and nica tits."
The assistant went on to tell Ms. Mandelbaum that when the Pope was alone with Condi he grabbed her butt and Condi gave him a smack and called him a crazy wop !
And later that day he heard the Pope exclaim; "That black cunt will never set foot in the Vatican again!"
So there you have it --and why should anyone be upset about a little grab ass by the Pope -- when about half his priests are fucking little choir boys?
There's an old saying --the fish rots from the head down.
While everyone in the media is analyzing the reason for the Pope's snub of our Secretary of State ( The Iraq war -protection of Christians in Iraq - He's on vacation -yadadadadad) -- The bandit's Vatican reporter has the real scoop!
Esther Mandelbaum spoke to a close personal assistant to the Pope who told her off the record; "The Popa hasa always hadda the hotsa for Condi!"
He went on; "I hearda him tella Cardinal Luigi Pastavazool that he thoughta she had great legs and a tighta ass and nica tits."
The assistant went on to tell Ms. Mandelbaum that when the Pope was alone with Condi he grabbed her butt and Condi gave him a smack and called him a crazy wop !
And later that day he heard the Pope exclaim; "That black cunt will never set foot in the Vatican again!"
So there you have it --and why should anyone be upset about a little grab ass by the Pope -- when about half his priests are fucking little choir boys?
There's an old saying --the fish rots from the head down.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Fox Announces "Smarter Than A Cock?" With Host Britney Spears
Fox TV -- which continues to knock reality show hits out of the park with shows like "Hell's Kitchen" and "Smarter Than A Fifth Grader" -- is kicking it up a notch!
Irwin Bloomis head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."
"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.
The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"To which Bloomis responded ;
"Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids."
Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat A Chink Fifth Grader?"
Oh - and the choice of Britney as host? -"Who can handle cocks better than her" - said Mr. Bloomis.
Irwin Bloomis head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."
"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.
The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"To which Bloomis responded ;
"Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids."
Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat A Chink Fifth Grader?"
Oh - and the choice of Britney as host? -"Who can handle cocks better than her" - said Mr. Bloomis.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
"Star Shit" Is The New California Gold Rush
Hollywood Septic Tank Cleaner Scores Big With Star Shit
Wiilliam Bigturd, an American Indian septic tank cleaner in Hollywood announced at a press conference held by creative Artists Agency today at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills: "Yep -- it's true! - iv'e been cleaning out the septic tanks of the Stars for many moons and i have saved and catalogued their "Star Shit" with it's DNA -- along with the shit my ancestors have saved -- we have been in the septic business since the early days of Hollywood "
He continues;"My Grandfather,Johnny Bigdump, always kept a bowl of Tonto's shit in the living room. (Lone Ranger's sidekick for younger readers)"Moishe Pipick,head of liscencing for CAA said; "If Dame Judy Dench can get 2million for her pussy hair -- how much will people pay for an original John Wayne dump or a freshly minted Brad and Angela,or for a beauty from say Curt Cobain?"
The Hollywood Reporter blared "There's Gold In Them Thar Hills"- Star Shit gold in the Hollywood Hills that is and it reported that septic tank wars have erupted in Memphis as a Shit Gold Rush has created a frenzy to obtain the Holy Grail of turds -- a blast from the King (Elvis) himself.
CAA said "Christy's elite auction house will be the exclusive seller of the Star Shit ." and Mit Grimey, head auctioneer at Christy's said today ; "An authenticated Star Shit could sell for more than a Picasso -- the ultimate statement about American culture!"And the Bandit has it on good authority that entrepreneurial gynecologists in LA may have been stockpiling "Star Sperm" --what is next? (Star Colon polops?) -- stay tuned! (copyright lawyers should have a field day as well as firms who will be rushing to install secure shit facilities).
Wiilliam Bigturd, an American Indian septic tank cleaner in Hollywood announced at a press conference held by creative Artists Agency today at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills: "Yep -- it's true! - iv'e been cleaning out the septic tanks of the Stars for many moons and i have saved and catalogued their "Star Shit" with it's DNA -- along with the shit my ancestors have saved -- we have been in the septic business since the early days of Hollywood "
He continues;"My Grandfather,Johnny Bigdump, always kept a bowl of Tonto's shit in the living room. (Lone Ranger's sidekick for younger readers)"Moishe Pipick,head of liscencing for CAA said; "If Dame Judy Dench can get 2million for her pussy hair -- how much will people pay for an original John Wayne dump or a freshly minted Brad and Angela,or for a beauty from say Curt Cobain?"
The Hollywood Reporter blared "There's Gold In Them Thar Hills"- Star Shit gold in the Hollywood Hills that is and it reported that septic tank wars have erupted in Memphis as a Shit Gold Rush has created a frenzy to obtain the Holy Grail of turds -- a blast from the King (Elvis) himself.
CAA said "Christy's elite auction house will be the exclusive seller of the Star Shit ." and Mit Grimey, head auctioneer at Christy's said today ; "An authenticated Star Shit could sell for more than a Picasso -- the ultimate statement about American culture!"And the Bandit has it on good authority that entrepreneurial gynecologists in LA may have been stockpiling "Star Sperm" --what is next? (Star Colon polops?) -- stay tuned! (copyright lawyers should have a field day as well as firms who will be rushing to install secure shit facilities).
Monday, September 10, 2007
Get Involved or Keep Getting Fucked Like The Sheep You Are!
Here's how easy it is -- Google up "Find My Legislators" -let them know what they have to do to get your vote - pick an issue (mine is anti terrorism related as reflected in my email to my Congressman -Henry Waxman - see below) - Maybe yours is "We want peyote legalized in Cali" or "Legalized marriage with Pets" or "Let's Buy Mexico" -- but if you don't get involved and vote and stay on top of these assholes -you fucking deserve to become extinct.
To Congressman Henry Waxman(30th congressional California) and Senators Boxer and Feinstein:
The article about terrorist training camps ,in the wake of the thwarted German attacks, in yesterdays NY Times should be the final wake -up call for you people to make their elimination your number one priority. What in the hell are we doing -- asking for it! They are operating with relative impunity -- i'm no fanatic -as a matter of fact i share and admire your political philosophy. But --Sir - this has to be a day in and day out effort -- radical measures must be taken (hold a press conference and make yourself heard) Blow Waziristan off the damn map if you have to -- it's just a matter of time and it's an existential threat - and we know they are there! This is what wer'e talking about out here -we don't get the lack of urgency about these training camps.
Thanks
A concerned citizen and voting constituent
To Congressman Henry Waxman(30th congressional California) and Senators Boxer and Feinstein:
The article about terrorist training camps ,in the wake of the thwarted German attacks, in yesterdays NY Times should be the final wake -up call for you people to make their elimination your number one priority. What in the hell are we doing -- asking for it! They are operating with relative impunity -- i'm no fanatic -as a matter of fact i share and admire your political philosophy. But --Sir - this has to be a day in and day out effort -- radical measures must be taken (hold a press conference and make yourself heard) Blow Waziristan off the damn map if you have to -- it's just a matter of time and it's an existential threat - and we know they are there! This is what wer'e talking about out here -we don't get the lack of urgency about these training camps.
Thanks
A concerned citizen and voting constituent
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Tony Soprano ( JamesGandolfini) Would Wack Thompson And Osama
Fred (Law and Order) Thompson told the press yesterday:
“I think bin Laden is more of a symbolism than he is anything else,” Mr. Thompson drawled. “Bin Laden being in the mountains of Afghanistan or — or Pakistan is not as important as the fact that there’s probably Al Qaeda operatives inside the United States of America.”
And Tony Soprano responded; "A guy puts a hit on your family for no good business reason -- just for laughs - and you let him get away wit it?"
This guy Thompson thinks just like a DA - he's ready to plea bargain. Well this ain't "Law and Order!"
"Are you fucking kidding me ? -- I think Fred musta been in on it to talk like that --maybe we should wack him along with Bin Laden and his whole fucking Muslim family!"
"And when my boys get him -- and they will !(we are already having conversations with some of his two -hundred kids) he is going to beg for death! -- We will work him over with a blow torch and when he passes out we'll give him a transfusion so he can start screaming again (is that considered torture? - i'll ask my consigliere.). " -- "Yo Silvio --that's not torture is it?"
"Oh - and these guys like blowing things up! -- Well they don't know shit about that!" So said the frontrunning Democratic presidential candidate, at a campaign speech in Howard Park, Queens in NYC -- the neighborhood home of John Gotti who is his role model and idol.
"And -- as soon as I'm elected we are going to start blowing up a Mosque every time they blow up some innocent children -- and a sqadron of f22's will zoom in behind the bombers and drop napalm mixed with pig blood over the whole area -- just so no one thinks they are going to Paradise." (they better get all their Virgin fucking done in their local shitholes here on earth).)
He concluded; "And when these faggots get the message that they ain't dealing with the liberal queers in congress any more -- and that we really ARE fucking Satan -- all this shit will quiet down!"
"And then we can start doin Business!"
“I think bin Laden is more of a symbolism than he is anything else,” Mr. Thompson drawled. “Bin Laden being in the mountains of Afghanistan or — or Pakistan is not as important as the fact that there’s probably Al Qaeda operatives inside the United States of America.”
And Tony Soprano responded; "A guy puts a hit on your family for no good business reason -- just for laughs - and you let him get away wit it?"
This guy Thompson thinks just like a DA - he's ready to plea bargain. Well this ain't "Law and Order!"
"Are you fucking kidding me ? -- I think Fred musta been in on it to talk like that --maybe we should wack him along with Bin Laden and his whole fucking Muslim family!"
"And when my boys get him -- and they will !(we are already having conversations with some of his two -hundred kids) he is going to beg for death! -- We will work him over with a blow torch and when he passes out we'll give him a transfusion so he can start screaming again (is that considered torture? - i'll ask my consigliere.). " -- "Yo Silvio --that's not torture is it?"
"Oh - and these guys like blowing things up! -- Well they don't know shit about that!" So said the frontrunning Democratic presidential candidate, at a campaign speech in Howard Park, Queens in NYC -- the neighborhood home of John Gotti who is his role model and idol.
"And -- as soon as I'm elected we are going to start blowing up a Mosque every time they blow up some innocent children -- and a sqadron of f22's will zoom in behind the bombers and drop napalm mixed with pig blood over the whole area -- just so no one thinks they are going to Paradise." (they better get all their Virgin fucking done in their local shitholes here on earth).)
He concluded; "And when these faggots get the message that they ain't dealing with the liberal queers in congress any more -- and that we really ARE fucking Satan -- all this shit will quiet down!"
"And then we can start doin Business!"
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Tony Soprano To Enter Dem Presidential Primary -- May Run Against DA Arthur Branch For President
Wow! -- It finally happened ! -- The race for president has turned into the ultimate television reality show.
Fred Thompson has jumped into the republican presidential primary and leaped to the front of the pack in a heartbeat -- based on the persona he has acquired from his role in "Law and Order" as NYC DA Arthur Branch .
Howard Dean head of the Democratic party's National Committee announced today; "This guy is going to wipe out any Democratic candidate we put against him!"
"The American people are basically a pack of morons and in the post 911 era a guy with his national television appeal in the role of a tough law man battling evil on the most popular dramatic series on TV --forget it! -- Hillary might as well go back to nagging Bill full time and John Edwards to chasing ambulances; and Barak Obamamama couldn't get elected dog catcher with Fred Thompson in the race!"
"However" - he stated: "With James Gandolfini joining the Democratic primary we have a candidate who will certainly forge ahead to win that contest and subsequently defeat Thompson and take the white House -- it's gonna be president Tony Soprano."
"He will run on the slogan "Let A Mob Boss Protect America" -- "And we predict the largest voter turnout in American history and a landslide victory for President James Gandolfini "
He concluded; "Oh and his VP running mate will be Edie Falco and his cabinet will be comprised of his mob team from the Sopranos --with Paulie Walnuts as national security advisor --and Big Pussie will return as secretary of state and Johnny (sack) Sacramonti will be Secretary of defense -- and the whole west Wing will be a total replication of the Bada Bing office."
Tony (Mr. Gandolfino) issued a short statement saying; "As far as I'm concerned the terrorists are just a rival gang -- and we know exactly what to do about them and the rest of our enemies!"
Fred Thompson has jumped into the republican presidential primary and leaped to the front of the pack in a heartbeat -- based on the persona he has acquired from his role in "Law and Order" as NYC DA Arthur Branch .
Howard Dean head of the Democratic party's National Committee announced today; "This guy is going to wipe out any Democratic candidate we put against him!"
"The American people are basically a pack of morons and in the post 911 era a guy with his national television appeal in the role of a tough law man battling evil on the most popular dramatic series on TV --forget it! -- Hillary might as well go back to nagging Bill full time and John Edwards to chasing ambulances; and Barak Obamamama couldn't get elected dog catcher with Fred Thompson in the race!"
"However" - he stated: "With James Gandolfini joining the Democratic primary we have a candidate who will certainly forge ahead to win that contest and subsequently defeat Thompson and take the white House -- it's gonna be president Tony Soprano."
"He will run on the slogan "Let A Mob Boss Protect America" -- "And we predict the largest voter turnout in American history and a landslide victory for President James Gandolfini "
He concluded; "Oh and his VP running mate will be Edie Falco and his cabinet will be comprised of his mob team from the Sopranos --with Paulie Walnuts as national security advisor --and Big Pussie will return as secretary of state and Johnny (sack) Sacramonti will be Secretary of defense -- and the whole west Wing will be a total replication of the Bada Bing office."
Tony (Mr. Gandolfino) issued a short statement saying; "As far as I'm concerned the terrorists are just a rival gang -- and we know exactly what to do about them and the rest of our enemies!"
Friday, September 07, 2007
I Get Better Pussy Than Brad Pitt
You know --i just realized something! i picked up this Australian chick in a club on Sunset Boulevard last night and as i lay in bed looking at her this morning it came (pun -sorry) to me in a flash! --This babe is twice as hot as Angela or Jennifer! --Holy shit! --I get better pussy than Brad Pitt!
No Ferrari - No house on the beach in Malibu - No fifty million in the bank account -- No celebrity status -- Just me and my average size Jewish prick and a few good moves !
Then i began thinking about all the nasty dysfunctional star assholes i catch a glimpse of -- all these macho celebs -- crying about their nasty star babes all over the covers of the tabloids.
I'm checking out at Ralph's with a BBQ chicken for dinner while they are out wining and dining their wacko wives and girlfriends - and then buying them jewelry to get laid while getting their balls broken by these chicks - who i wouldn't fuck with their dicks!
Wow! -- I jumped out of bed and called my buddy Lee -- "Lee" i said! -- 'Would you fuck Katie Holmes?" -- he asked me what i was smoking and replied; "Not with your cock!"
Wow! -- what a revelation! -- now here is Tom Cruise who is a super star worth mega millions and even though he's a midget and a cult fanatic you know this guy could fuck the hottest babes on earth every night of the week and he winds up with a nagging average ugly babe who breaks his balls 24/7 --duh!
The list of Star dudes who get tied down and fucked over by average ugly superstar babes is mind blowing -- i can't get over it! -- I know fat guys living in the Antelope Valley without a pot to piss in who get better pussy than John Beckham. My pal Ernie Greenblatt ( one of the aforementioned fat guys) fucks chicks that bury that bony spice girl moron; and they are cool chicks who love to laugh and can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!
What the hell my brothers! -- what gives here? --What's wrong with you star dudes? -- You definitely need help!
Hey -- how about a reality show? -- "Average Guys Who Get More Pussy Than The Stars"
This is an epiphany! -- I feel like Abraham must have when God spoke to him in the desert for the first time!
I get better pussy than Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and Russel Crowe and George Clooney -- and you probably do too!
To definitely be continued.
No Ferrari - No house on the beach in Malibu - No fifty million in the bank account -- No celebrity status -- Just me and my average size Jewish prick and a few good moves !
Then i began thinking about all the nasty dysfunctional star assholes i catch a glimpse of -- all these macho celebs -- crying about their nasty star babes all over the covers of the tabloids.
I'm checking out at Ralph's with a BBQ chicken for dinner while they are out wining and dining their wacko wives and girlfriends - and then buying them jewelry to get laid while getting their balls broken by these chicks - who i wouldn't fuck with their dicks!
Wow! -- I jumped out of bed and called my buddy Lee -- "Lee" i said! -- 'Would you fuck Katie Holmes?" -- he asked me what i was smoking and replied; "Not with your cock!"
Wow! -- what a revelation! -- now here is Tom Cruise who is a super star worth mega millions and even though he's a midget and a cult fanatic you know this guy could fuck the hottest babes on earth every night of the week and he winds up with a nagging average ugly babe who breaks his balls 24/7 --duh!
The list of Star dudes who get tied down and fucked over by average ugly superstar babes is mind blowing -- i can't get over it! -- I know fat guys living in the Antelope Valley without a pot to piss in who get better pussy than John Beckham. My pal Ernie Greenblatt ( one of the aforementioned fat guys) fucks chicks that bury that bony spice girl moron; and they are cool chicks who love to laugh and can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!
What the hell my brothers! -- what gives here? --What's wrong with you star dudes? -- You definitely need help!
Hey -- how about a reality show? -- "Average Guys Who Get More Pussy Than The Stars"
This is an epiphany! -- I feel like Abraham must have when God spoke to him in the desert for the first time!
I get better pussy than Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise and Russel Crowe and George Clooney -- and you probably do too!
To definitely be continued.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Bush Declares " Total Retribution " When We Get Hit
"Things are sure looking grim out there." said a deeply concerned George W Bush after getting off the phone with German Chancellor Angela Merkel about the aborted terrorist attack in Germany.
"Angie is a sweetheart and a brilliant and enlightened leader but don't forget she's still one tough Kraut!" said the president, "And the German people and their leaders have been really sensitive about their Muslim situation: But if they get pushed too far those old baking ovens they used in World War Two might just get fired up again -- only it will be baked Muslim extremists this time around!
"With the near misses in Denmark and Germany this week it's crystal clear that sooner or later they are gonna hit us real bad!"
"So -- it is now time to ask ourselves what we can do to payback anyone who is not playing ball in this zero sum game of mindless slaughter -- to decide what our next day response to an attack will be when all we will know is that it came from a specific group like Al Qaeda (or whomever) but we don't know where to specifically retaliate - and every descent American is out there screaming for blood!":"
"Well i am saying right now -- upfront -- that when the slaughter takes place and countless Americans are dead and dying -- here is the very least that you can expect from us -- and unfortunately a lot of innocent bystanders are going to get hurt --it is now raw survival time --big time"
"Here's an example -- in remote areas where we have a general idea that terrorist groups are enjoying safe havens, but we don't know the specific location of their camps -- maybe it's limited nuclear response time!'
"Here's another -- any remote link we find between a political leader or group that has nurtured the Intifada on any level, will be immediately targeted for assassination or general destruction!"
"large scale detentions of Muslims worldwide will be necessary as a part of this Draconian but necessary response - and hopefully (ultimately) will promote a zero tolerance attitude toward extreme fundamentalism by moderate Muslims. Religious and political leaders and the general Muslim population will no longer have the luxury of the sideline!"
" You know -- We wrongfully interned the Japanese population of the USA after Pearl Harbor due to misguided hysteria -- can you imagine what the American people are going to be crying out for after they are ravaged in a massive terrorist attack -- i seriously hope Muslim leaders get the message before it's too late"
The President concluded ;"The gloves are going to come off - and we might just as well let the world know that we are through fucking around -- because sure as shit we are going to get hit hard - and we are not going to worry about being one hundred percent rational in our response -- because we will be blind with rage -- and we have a lot of weight to throw around -- and the liberals will be hiding under the covers,while the most dangerous and powerful humans on Earth start breaking furniture like drunken cowboys on a Saturday night -- worldwide -- with big bombs!"
"Get ready!" --"Oh and i don't want to hear that that this is just what Al Qaeda wants us to do -- because they want a united worldwide Intifada against us Infidels - and they would love us to go berserk"
"We'll just see how many Muslims around the world want to get into paradise by slaughtering innocent men women and children for bullshit --- bring em on!"
"Angie is a sweetheart and a brilliant and enlightened leader but don't forget she's still one tough Kraut!" said the president, "And the German people and their leaders have been really sensitive about their Muslim situation: But if they get pushed too far those old baking ovens they used in World War Two might just get fired up again -- only it will be baked Muslim extremists this time around!
"With the near misses in Denmark and Germany this week it's crystal clear that sooner or later they are gonna hit us real bad!"
"So -- it is now time to ask ourselves what we can do to payback anyone who is not playing ball in this zero sum game of mindless slaughter -- to decide what our next day response to an attack will be when all we will know is that it came from a specific group like Al Qaeda (or whomever) but we don't know where to specifically retaliate - and every descent American is out there screaming for blood!":"
"Well i am saying right now -- upfront -- that when the slaughter takes place and countless Americans are dead and dying -- here is the very least that you can expect from us -- and unfortunately a lot of innocent bystanders are going to get hurt --it is now raw survival time --big time"
"Here's an example -- in remote areas where we have a general idea that terrorist groups are enjoying safe havens, but we don't know the specific location of their camps -- maybe it's limited nuclear response time!'
"Here's another -- any remote link we find between a political leader or group that has nurtured the Intifada on any level, will be immediately targeted for assassination or general destruction!"
"large scale detentions of Muslims worldwide will be necessary as a part of this Draconian but necessary response - and hopefully (ultimately) will promote a zero tolerance attitude toward extreme fundamentalism by moderate Muslims. Religious and political leaders and the general Muslim population will no longer have the luxury of the sideline!"
" You know -- We wrongfully interned the Japanese population of the USA after Pearl Harbor due to misguided hysteria -- can you imagine what the American people are going to be crying out for after they are ravaged in a massive terrorist attack -- i seriously hope Muslim leaders get the message before it's too late"
The President concluded ;"The gloves are going to come off - and we might just as well let the world know that we are through fucking around -- because sure as shit we are going to get hit hard - and we are not going to worry about being one hundred percent rational in our response -- because we will be blind with rage -- and we have a lot of weight to throw around -- and the liberals will be hiding under the covers,while the most dangerous and powerful humans on Earth start breaking furniture like drunken cowboys on a Saturday night -- worldwide -- with big bombs!"
"Get ready!" --"Oh and i don't want to hear that that this is just what Al Qaeda wants us to do -- because they want a united worldwide Intifada against us Infidels - and they would love us to go berserk"
"We'll just see how many Muslims around the world want to get into paradise by slaughtering innocent men women and children for bullshit --- bring em on!"
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
"Kid's Nation"Kid's Families Were Threatened By CBS
Six kids from the controversial CBS reality show "Kids Nation" came forward today and told federal investigators that when they tried to leave the production because of the horrible work conditions -- a producer threatened to have their families killed!
Ghen Maynurd,head of CBS reality programming has been under immense pressure about the Kid's treatment on this show; which is being shot in New Mexico under extreme conditions , as the Kid's attempt to rebuild a ghost town.
Jimmy Winkle and Esther Schwartsblum: two of the kids who rebelled against the production and led a group that wanted out of it said today; "We packed our bags and started to leave when three security men armed with AK47's marched into our tent and forced us into a shed -- about three hours later a masked man who we are sure was Louis B Mayer Jr. (the line producer) came in and threatened us!"
He said; "You little spoiled kikes ain't gonna ruin my career and cost CBS millions of dollars! -- Now you immediately go back to work or your families might not be there when you get home."
Winkle and Schwartzblum continued: "Thank god a kind cameraman sneaked us a cellphone and we were able to call for help and get the rest of our gang out of there!"
Asked about the remaining kids on the production they said; "They are all drugged up and scared shitless to leave -- maybe now everything will work out ok?"
Mr. Maynurd could not be reached for comment, but the word on the street is that advertisers are begging to get into the show. With all this dynamite publicity it's sure to be a big hit.
Well that's showbiz!
Ghen Maynurd,head of CBS reality programming has been under immense pressure about the Kid's treatment on this show; which is being shot in New Mexico under extreme conditions , as the Kid's attempt to rebuild a ghost town.
Jimmy Winkle and Esther Schwartsblum: two of the kids who rebelled against the production and led a group that wanted out of it said today; "We packed our bags and started to leave when three security men armed with AK47's marched into our tent and forced us into a shed -- about three hours later a masked man who we are sure was Louis B Mayer Jr. (the line producer) came in and threatened us!"
He said; "You little spoiled kikes ain't gonna ruin my career and cost CBS millions of dollars! -- Now you immediately go back to work or your families might not be there when you get home."
Winkle and Schwartzblum continued: "Thank god a kind cameraman sneaked us a cellphone and we were able to call for help and get the rest of our gang out of there!"
Asked about the remaining kids on the production they said; "They are all drugged up and scared shitless to leave -- maybe now everything will work out ok?"
Mr. Maynurd could not be reached for comment, but the word on the street is that advertisers are begging to get into the show. With all this dynamite publicity it's sure to be a big hit.
Well that's showbiz!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
McDonalds To Employ Chimpanzees
A major labor Day announcement from McDonald's -who like all companies forced to compete in the global marketplace - is committed to using good old American creativity and resourcefulness to beat China and India at their own game.
"McDonald's will be employing five hundred African Chimpanzees in one hundred test stores starting on Christmas day!" said Ernie Fryman. head of human resources for the chain.
He stated; "In test cases the chimps outperformed our entry level labor force which is ninety five percent black by twenty five percent; and the customers just loved it - and our huge black consumer base did not even notice any difference ( i don't think most of them were even aware that they were being served by Chimps)
"Kids of course just loved the Chimps and we project increased sales of twenty percent based on their appeal to the youngsters alone - and response from the general consumer base has been overwhelming."
He went on; "The National Wildlife Federation says this may be the solution to ensure the preservation of mankind's closest animal relative -sharing ninety five percent of our DNA. And Rwanda and Uganda and the Congo where most of the Chimpanzees will be imported from are thrilled!"
Condoleeza Rice said today --"The money that McDonald's is paying for the Chimps will go a long way to help those war torn nations allocate resources to essential human services ."
Asked about the impact on the job market and how it will affect the young black employment market -- Mr. Fryman said; "Well, with projected sales increases and labor and efficiency savings from the Chimps -- we anticipate that we will be able to expand our operations -- move the Chimpanzees into supervisory positions - and allow the chimps to hire a lot of black kids and other minorities.
He concluded; "Of course - they will have to bring their math and reading skills up to the Chimp's standards."
"McDonald's will be employing five hundred African Chimpanzees in one hundred test stores starting on Christmas day!" said Ernie Fryman. head of human resources for the chain.
He stated; "In test cases the chimps outperformed our entry level labor force which is ninety five percent black by twenty five percent; and the customers just loved it - and our huge black consumer base did not even notice any difference ( i don't think most of them were even aware that they were being served by Chimps)
"Kids of course just loved the Chimps and we project increased sales of twenty percent based on their appeal to the youngsters alone - and response from the general consumer base has been overwhelming."
He went on; "The National Wildlife Federation says this may be the solution to ensure the preservation of mankind's closest animal relative -sharing ninety five percent of our DNA. And Rwanda and Uganda and the Congo where most of the Chimpanzees will be imported from are thrilled!"
Condoleeza Rice said today --"The money that McDonald's is paying for the Chimps will go a long way to help those war torn nations allocate resources to essential human services ."
Asked about the impact on the job market and how it will affect the young black employment market -- Mr. Fryman said; "Well, with projected sales increases and labor and efficiency savings from the Chimps -- we anticipate that we will be able to expand our operations -- move the Chimpanzees into supervisory positions - and allow the chimps to hire a lot of black kids and other minorities.
He concluded; "Of course - they will have to bring their math and reading skills up to the Chimp's standards."
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