xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: 03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Priests Should Be Casrated After Taking Final Vows

They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at "Club Vatican"

And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for fruit cakes who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.

And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims- lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less).

And if you think it's not business as usual in the " Now Johnny -God want's me to put my staff in your mouth and then in your bung hole -so be a good little Altar Boy" business - then you must be delusional!

You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Jessica Simpson walks into his bedroom naked.

So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queers into "Club Vatican."


Oh -and not to worry --God will keep their nuts safe until they get to Heaven.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

St. Patrick - Patron Saint Of Drinking and Puking

"The great Irish tradition of acting like drunken morons will once again be played out on St. Patrick's Day!", said Archbishop McRummy today at St. Patricks Cathedral in New York City.

"In the year of the Lord seven hundred and fifty -- Pope Rectum 1x sent a Parish Priest named Patrick,who was a hopeless alcoholic and great comedian, over to a wild Celtic island with a boatload of whiskey and beer and the Pope said to him,'Now these Celts are wild,Patrick, and they worship strange Gods -- they have never tasted whiskey or beer -- so travel among them -- tell a few jokes -- pass around the booze -- and when they are so fucked up that they can't see straight -- convert them to Catholicism!"

The Archbishop continued; "Well Patrick was a big hit with the Celts -- he went from village to village and when he moved on there were hundreds of new Christian souls puking all over the place and pounding the shit out of each other -- and then the men would go home and abuse their wives and children."

The Archbishop concluded his holiday sermon with; " We must not forget the proud traditions and history of the Irish people and the great sacrifice of Saint Patrick, who died of syphilis and cirhossis of the liver shortly after returning to the Vatican from "Ireland" -- which is named for the Celtic word "Ire" which means "To Puke."

And when your out there tomorrow -- acting like drunken morons -- thank God your a Christian! And pray thanks to St. Patrick that you are part of a great drunken religion -- unlike the Jews and Moslems and Buddhists and Hindus and Shintos and even Atheists

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Japanese Get Payback For Genocide

No i'm not talking about the millions of Chinese and Koreans they raped tortured and murdered during their occupation of those countries before and during WW2:

I'm talking about their continuing slaughter of Dolphins and Whales which we all know have more intelligence and sensitivity than your average red neck Republican.

I mean wouldn't you rather see Sarah Palin and that whole crowd of Bible Belting Morons screaming for air as they drowned in a Tuna net - or heaving up fountains of blood from a harpoon stuck in their guts than a Dolphin or a Whale

Anyway -The Japanese would eat their children if they had fins and now those lovely Sea Mammals are high fiving with their fins and blowing up spouty cheers as their tormentors deal with their well deserved karma.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

God Is laughing His Ass off at Newt Gingrich

ATLANTA – Newt Gingrich says his passion for his country contributed to his marital infidelity. In an interview posted Wednesday by The Christian Broadcasting Network, Gingrich — who recently converted to Catholicism — said he had sought God's forgiveness for mistakes in his past.
"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate," Gingrich said.
"What I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn't trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them," he said. "I found that I felt compelled to seek God's forgiveness. Not God's understanding, but God's forgiveness."
Gingrich went on to say that he and his third wife, Callista, now have a great marriage.

So let me get this straight he didn't screw around because of pure unadulterated lust, he did it as a result of his passion for the good ole USA (i repeat - In his own words - it had nothing to do with his cock wanting a different home) - He has found god and sought his forgiveness -and Converted to catholicism.

I only hope God is laughing as hard as all those folks who used to think he was intelligent and quite apart from the traditional Fundamentalist Republican Cookoo's.

Now we know - He is Glen Beck with a hard on!

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Seniors and Prisoners Required To Generate Energy

A new energy proposal initiated by The Tea Party Republican Neanderthals would require senior citizens on medicare or in public nursing homes; all people on medicaide or on welfare , and all federal prisoners to generate electricity by pedaling on stationery bikes or walking on tread mills which would be installed by Haliburton.

"The energy produced will help to replace our dependence on foreign oil -- it will be environmental friendly -- it will be cost efficient (no labor costs) and it will improve the health of folks who are adding heavily to our rising medical costs and who contribute very little to Society in general." said House majority leader ErCantor

The next phase of this plan would be the installation of "electricity sensitive carpeting" where the elderly could Shuffle along and generate static elecricity (Zap) in cases where excercize bikes or treadmills are not practical or for use by people not strong enough to bycycle or walk fast enough.

Senator Diane feinstein called the plan "shocking" -and said the nutso republicans should generate energy from their favorite pastime (next to killing animals) - Jerking off!