Obama Declares "FAT TAX" on Obese American's

America's first skinny president announced at a White House press conference today:

"In these tough times we can't have forty percent of the population flushing vital resources down the toilet! "

"It's a waste of much needed food and energy and toilet paper!"

"We could eliminate 78 million acres of deforestation - which will help fight global warming!"

"Every time a fat person takes an unecessary dump - it adds to to our
carbon related problems - eating too much and shitting too much is NOT green - it's brown!"

He continued: "And - fat folks do more drugs and drink more alcohol - and commit more crimes - and raise fat kids - and overwhelm the health care system with all kinds of obesity related diseases, both physical and mental in nature."

"I am asking Congress to increase taxes - incrementally by weight - on ALL obese Americans with a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 130 !"

"We will then give the additional tax income to non-fat - middle class homeowners." who are in trouble with their mortgages."

Candy Crowley of CNN news (who would certainly get a huge tax increase under his plan) asked Obama if his wife Michelle would be exempt from the "Fat Tax?"

Obama said that his wife was not FAT - but that she only had a large black ass - and that since that was a natural aesthetic attribute it would qualify as an exemption - along with large - but perfectly proportional tits." - as long as their BMI stayed within ten percent of the overall BMI."

Obama laughed and told Candy;" Unfortunately i don't think you will qualify as an exception with THAT barn door you are carrying around behind ya - heh! heh!" - (The press corps really cracked up at that point.)

"Oh - and dont think Bill Gates and our new Secretary of State are going to get any special consideration - it's either pay your taxes - or curb your shitting!"

"What a cool bumper sticker - and ad campaign" - concluded Obama.

U.S Military Will Recruit Dwarfs For Next Generation Army

Lieutenant General Moishe Pipick - head of the Strategic Re-Organization Initiative at the Pentagon - annoiunced today:

"Dwarfs are harder to target:

Bombs tend to send them flying rather than dismembering them:

The enemy is reluctant and hesitates to kill them (so cute looking):

They are highly motivated to prove their manhood:

And -- They cost much less to feed and clothe:"

General Pipick said the Dwarf battalions will be called "The Runty Raiders" -and next up in our reorganization planning - if the Dwarfs perform as we expect they will:

"An all Pygmy regiment"