Romney Seeks Stupid Woman With Nice Legs and Tits for VP

"I would feel most comfortable with a kinda ditzy gal with nice legs and small hard tits to be my running mate" Romney was overheard explaining to his Chief of Staff, Izaac Polegemer  at a Mormon hangout in Salt Lake City today.

"Not quite as ignorant as Sarah Palin and with much smaller tits - i really don't want to screw around with her like McCaine did with that Alaskan Neanderthal -but you know someone that the Redneck Christians will go for and not get in my face."

He continued; "Maybe a Cameron Diaz kinda look a like -you know Isaac - Anne used to be quite a looker before the fat and sleeping pills took over!"

"Star Shit" from Fox TV announced Today

Hollywood Septic Tank Cleaner Scores Big With Star Shit

 Fox President Mike (the midget)Darnell introduced the host of it's upcoming reality series -Wiilliam Bigturd, an American Indian septic tank cleaner in Hollywood  at a press conference held by Creative Artists Agency today at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills:

"Yep -- it's true! - iv'e been cleaning out the septic tanks of the Stars for many moons and i have saved and catalogued their "Star Shit" with it's DNA -- along with the shit my ancestors have saved -- we have been in the septic business since the early days of Hollywood"--

He continued; "My Grandfather,Johnny Bigdump, always kept a bowl of Tonto's shit in the living room. (Lone Ranger's sidekick for younger readers)"

Moishe Pipick,head of liscencing for CAA said; "-- How much will people pay for an original John Wayne dump or a freshly minted Brad and Angela,or for a beauty from say Elizabeth Taylor? -The skys the limit!"

The Hollywood Reporter blared "There's Gold In Them Thar Hills"- Star Shit gold in the Hollywood Hills that is - and it reported that septic tank wars have erupted in Memphis as a Shit Gold Rush has created a frenzy to obtain the Holy Grail of turds -- a blast from the King himself.

CAA announced yesterday; "Christy's elite auction house will be the exclusive seller of the Star Shit " and Arnold Grimey, head auctioneer at Christy's said today -and the TV Show should be way bigger than "Pawn Stars" in the ratings!

"An authenticated Star Shit could sell for more than a Picasso -- a penultimate statement about American culture!"

And the Bandit has it on good authority that entrepreneurial gynecologists in LA may have been stockpiling "Star Sperm" -- what is next? -- stay tuned!


(copyright lawyers should have a field day as well as firms who will be rushing to install secure shit facilities).