Texas Town Breaks World Record For TV watching
(Suckler Texas Does It Again!)
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The small community of Suckler ,Texas - – Has done it again!
Just last year they broke a one hundred year old record for the most alcohol consumed per capita of any village in the world. (previously held by the people of Gavalt – in northern Siberia !)
And now – they have shattered the record for the most number of hours spent watching television - formerly held since 1952 by the Eskimo village of Shitumaoutsky (which means “It’s to shitty to go out”) -where the average temperature is 48 below zero. (and where Sarah Palin was born - to a mentally deranged Inuit Eskimo)
Moishe Pipick – President of The World Television Association – told us – when we caught up with him filling up at the Suckler Gas Station:
“This is really an achievement for the folks of Suckler and Texas culture writ large - The weather here is georgous, and you would think folks would be outside enjoying it in this beautiful environment? “
“I mean – the average adult in this community watched ninety 76 hours (in an average week) of TV last year – AND you gotta figure that the kids had to be way up over that:”
“I mean – these folks ain’t doin much except maybe workin a little and watchin TV and Boozing– And judging by the size of them and the kids iv’e seen around here so far -- They may want to challenge the town of Corputsky in Poland for the Fattest Place on Earth award next year.
“I just filled up here at six bucks a gallon at ‘Melvin’s Gas and Gun’
SO maybe they can’t afford to go out anywhere - but jeez –I wonder if the kids even go to school?”“I mean – five of them just came out of the video store –and they musta weighed over half a ton all together - They looked like a small herd of Bison!”
I notice they have an expansive recreation area with a ball field and basketball courts – but there ain’t a kid in sight?”
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He went on; “Come to think of it –maybe with their record breaking alcohol consumption up here - The adults are too stewed to motivate the kids to do anything?”
“I saw a bunch of bikers coming out of the local bar and two of them were puking on their boots – Maybe the locals are too terrified to leave their mobile homes?”
“ President Pipick concluded; “Well – anyway – I’m goin over to the Award Ceremony at the Suckler Moose Clubhouse – to present the award .”
“I wonder if anyone will show Up?”
“It’s kinda scary around here!”
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