xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit: McDonalds To Employ Chimpanzees

Monday, October 22, 2007

McDonalds To Employ Chimpanzees

A major announcement from McDonald's -who like all companies forced to compete in the global marketplace - is committed to using good old American creativity and resourcefulness to beat China and India at their own game.

"McDonald's will be employing five hundred African Chimpanzees in one hundred test stores starting on Christmas day!" said Ernie Fryman. head of human resources for the chain.He stated; "In test cases the chimps outperformed our entry level labor force which is ninety five percent black by twenty five percent; and the customers just loved it - and our huge black consumer base did not even notice any difference ( i don't think most of them were even aware that they were being served by Chimps)"

He continued; "Kids of course just loved the Chimps and we project increased sales of twenty percent based on their appeal to the youngsters alone - and response from the general consumer base has been overwhelming."

The National Wildlife Federation said today that this may be the solution to ensure the preservation of mankind's closest animal relative -sharing ninety five percent of our DNA. -- "Rwanda and Uganda and the Congo where most of the Chimpanzees will be imported from are thrilled!

Condoleeza Rice said today --"The money that McDonald's is paying for the Chimps will go a long way to help those war torn nations allocate resources to essential human services."

Asked about the impact on the job market and how it will affect the young black employment market -- Mr. Fryman said; "Well, with projected sales increases and labor and efficiency savings from the Chimps -- we anticipate that we will be able to expand our operations -- move the Chimpanzees into supervisory positions - and allow the chimps to hire a lot of black kids and other minorities".He concluded; "Of course - they will have to bring their math and reading skills up to the Chimp's standards."

God bless American ingenuity!