The International Energy Association announced today that working
with a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT -- they have discovered
how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement
for fossil fuels.
"Our dependence on foreign oil will
be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been
discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market
by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead
scientist on "Project Uteroil."
He explained,"For ten
years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental
afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."
"We
now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate
continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter
will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid
-and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two
dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.
He
went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant
all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world,
and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide
energy market!"
President Obama said today; "The Arabs
and Russia and Africans better figure out some new way to pay for
screwing their people and paying for weapons -heh heh"
When
asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy,
he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the
rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."
"But,
said the President - i don't wanta see folks creatin a new market by
creatin and sellin dead babies for "Uteroil" - Uh Uh! -
But them
Muslims could probably make a little extra cash and cut way down on
their production of future suicide bombers by sending us lots of aborted
Mulims to turn into clean energy."
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Not Many Jobs out There |
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As KingFaisal of
Saudi Arabia said twenty years ago : "Don't be greedy my Arab brothers -
the stone age didn't end because they ran out of stones."
Too late!