"do unto others what you would have done unto you if you were not so full of shit"
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
Ever Think About The earth's FIRST Mother?
Who Was the First Mother?
IT'S MOM'S DAY again AND MY WEIRD MIND IS THINKING ABOUT THE FIRST MAN
AND WOMAN WHO BLUNDERED INTO A SEXUAL UNION -- CULMINATING NINE MONTHS
LATER IN THE "EARTH'S FIRST MOTHER." (AND SUBSEQUENT FIRST MOTHER'S DAY)
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Now if your a member of the Adam and Eve crowd or you still believe in
the tooth fairy and a personal god please stop reading -- you are
delusional and have better things to do -- like seeing a Doctor.
But for those of us who like to ponder weird shit it might be fun to consider how that first sexual union occurred?
But for those of us who like to ponder weird shit it might be fun to consider how that first sexual union occurred?
A big burly apish hominid has woken up in great discomfort because his
penis is throbbing against a stone on the bare earth with some leaves
and moss on it -- the forerunner of the sealy posturepedic mattress.
"Oye vey!" he groans, and awakens the guy next to him -- who he doesn't
realize is actually a female. She looks exactly like him but with a
different chest and a different genitalia arrangement -- but since no
one understood anything back then there was no reason for alarm -- only
wonderment. (lucky them)
The unbeknownst female called Tzitsckas (the strange chested one) Say's;
"Vooz machsta (what's up) Oorgy?" To which Oorgy replied; "Mine
shticklach es grovnen!(my stick is growing).
To which the soon to be first impregnated female replies; " Ach mine tuchas ess grovnen shticklaken" (oh shit - it's growing into a big stick!)
And standing up and saying words in the ancient cave Yiddish that have
echoed down through the eons -- i said them myself only last week (and i
translate) "Stand back Tzitsckas --i don't know how big this will get."
To which the soon to be first impregnated female replies; " Ach mine tuchas ess grovnen shticklaken" (oh shit - it's growing into a big stick!)
And -- at an engorged thirteen inches it slowed,and finally stopped at
sixteen inches. (a phsical trait which only exists today in black
athletes).
Well here's where Genetics and DNA took over, as Tzitsckas cried out! And i'm using the original cave Yiddish here to emphasize and honor the Ancient request that men have been hearing, from women. for over three hundred thousand years in thousands of languages: -- but this was the first time! -- "Oh Oorgy , ich nam so hornen please shticken ein huge lognin ent me !" (Oh Oorgy, i'm so horny -please stick your huge stick ( later becomes 'Dick') -- in me"
Well here's where Genetics and DNA took over, as Tzitsckas cried out! And i'm using the original cave Yiddish here to emphasize and honor the Ancient request that men have been hearing, from women. for over three hundred thousand years in thousands of languages: -- but this was the first time! -- "Oh Oorgy , ich nam so hornen please shticken ein huge lognin ent me !" (Oh Oorgy, i'm so horny -please stick your huge stick ( later becomes 'Dick') -- in me"
And when Oorg climaxed he let out a thunderous cry across the Tundra --
"Whoopee" (the ancient origin of the word pussy which evolved from
'"oopee" to "pooshme"to '"pussy woopee" to finally "pussy wipped' and
'pussy"
Well,nine months later Oorg and Tzitsckas had a twenty two pond baby boy they named Irving (the first Jew) --and one year later celebrated the Earth's -- first Mother's Day.
And for those of you who are wondering where Oorg and Tzitsckas came
from and why this whole chain of events didn't register earlier wih
THEIR births and their parents etc. -- well how the the fuck would i
know !Maybe they were too high or too dumb? But one things for sure -- Oorg
and Tzitsckas were the first ones to do it -- and to REMEMBER what they
did.
Happy Mother's Day!
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