Southern Anthem "Dixie" to become "Dickhead" and "Dicksy"

Dixie” was the South’s anthem, and will most likely remain so for generations.  -There is a movement in The US Senate to rename it "Dicksy" or "Dickhead" which would be more appropriate to the fucking rednecks still living there and holding up social progress as usual.  -Sing along and see if you like the changes:

I Wish I was in de land ob cotton,
Old times dar am not forgotten
Look away! look away! look away! Dicksy Land.
In  Dickhead Land whar I was born in,
Early on one frosty mornin’,
Look away! look away! look away! Dickhead Land.

Den I wish I was in Dicksy,
Hooray! hooray!
In Dickhead Land I’ll take my stand,
To lib and die in Dicksy,
Away, away, away down south in Dicksy,
Away, away, away down south in Dickhead Land.

quite an improvement dontcha think

" Black Gun" Owners Have Penile Dysfunction

Heard about the latest fad among the sickest people in America -- " The Gun Worshipers." --- It's "black guns."

These killing machines are the weapon of choice of drug traffickers, violent youth gangs and the seriously deranged bent on revenge through mass murder,” Senator Charles E. Schumer, then a House member from New York who was one of the champions of a bill to regulate them.He said in April 1994. “They have no place in our society.”

Demand for black rifles, meanwhile, began to grow. A new generation of hunters, many of whom had fired M-16s in the military, adopted them for shooting predators on rural property and stalking small game. The .223-caliber ammunition they used was inexpensive and easily found. The guns began to get a reputation for being durable despite their light weight; they also loaded automatically (unlike bolt-action hunting rifles) and their recoil was gentle enough for even novice shooters and children to withstand. Once the AR-15 was deemed accurate enough for use in high-powered rifle competitions, it soon became standard issue for target shooters.

“These guns are everywhere,” Ted Nugent, the ex rock star and hunter/ gun fanatick who explained excitedly in a recent phone interview. “I personally don’t know anybody who doesn’t have two in his truck.”

Ted's girlfriend Myra Womper said, "Ted can't get it up, and when he occasionally does,you need reading glasses to see it."

These maniacs favorite read is "Outdoor Magazine". -- It should be called "Outdoor Slaughter."

"Studsy The Queer Bull" First Animated Film for Gay Children

Steven Spielberg head of DreamWorks announced; “We are in production on the first gay themed animated film for gay Children !" 'Studsy The Queer Bull', “It's about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows. We were thinking of calling the film, ‘The Queer Steer’ -- but technically he’s a bull (obviously not castrated) and hung like a Moose. As a matter of fact ‘Studsy’ would fuck a Moose as long as it’s a MALE Moose, and he even tried ,several times during filming, to get at me.” Chimed in Katzenberg the ex head of Disney Animation who is a humanoid version of Studsy

He continued; “Our research shows that twenty to thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment. –‘Studsy’ will instill pride and identity resolution in young closeted gay children and help them ‘break out” -- just as ‘Studsy’ does in a very compelling scene where he is supposed to impregnate a group of prize cows,but ‘breaks out’ ( a metaphor for his closet) of the paddock and charges into the meadow --- where he proceeds to shtupp about twelve young bulls and eight steers in a violent release of pent up frustration .”

Spielberg added, “ Now youv’e got to picture this twenty six hundred pound Angus bull corn holing every asshole in sight --the energy and passion and drama ! -- Think the fifteenth round in Rocky one. -- At this point in the test screenings young boys were jumping up and down on the seats screaming, ‘fuck em -- fuck em all Studsy” and they were crying and hugging one another and some even started masturbating.”

They concluded; “We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment --especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our children -- our most precious resource -- to shape and sructure their lives; as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art. And - so, coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’. Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero

Don't Want To Pay For health care - See a Fucking Witch Doctor

While all the morons are rallying agains against requiring folks to at least chip in a little in paying for their freeby health care -which we other folks have to pay for - just remember:


"Justice Department lawyers responded that a choice not to obtain health insurance was itself an active decision that, taken in the aggregate, shifted the cost of caring for the uninsured to hospitals, governments and privately insured individuals." NY Times today

So it's simple! -You break a leg or get the flu?

Go to a fucking witch doctor! -UNLESS -you can prove you have No assets -and that includes Cable TV and any brand of premium toilet paper and oh cigarettes?

Kiss my ass! -Why should we responsible folks ante up when you won't even contribute the token amount essential to support a Health Care system that works for needy kids and poor old folks. - et al.

Santorum's Moral Conservatism Comes From Farts - Study Shows

Researchers found that interviewees on Stanford’s campus offered harsher, more moralistic views after “fart spray” had been released in the area.

At Cornell University, students answered questions in more conservative ways when they were simply near a hand sanitizer station.

How, and for whom, does disgust influence moral judgment? In 4 experiments participants made moral judgments while experiencing extraneous feelings of disgust. Disgust was induced in Experiment 1 by exposure to a bad smell, in Experiment 2 by working in a disgusting room, in Experiment 3 by recalling a physically disgusting experience, and in Experiment 4 through a video induction. In each case, the results showed that disgust can increase the severity of moral judgments relative to controls. Experiment 4 found that disgust had a different effect on moral judgment than did sadness. In addition, Experiments 2-4 showed that the role of disgust in severity of moral judgments depends on participants’ sensitivity to their own bodily sensations. Taken together, these data indicate the importance - and specificity - of gut feelings in moral judgments.

Google Announces Catholic Confession App

Catholic sinners have finally achieved multi plat status with sinners  directly connected from their cell phones and tablets et all directly to Catholic Priests who will hear their confessions and proscribe remedial action to mitigate the sins.

"It will be just like you went into a Church ENHANCED with production video and spiritually elevating Gospel music in a transcendental format geared to the sinners communication vehicle."said Father Konfessor which is the generic name for the App and the anonymous Priests themselves.

Their will be options to go live onto Twitter and Facebook and Blogger with the whole confession and/or the Priests proclamations. (and the ability to add video demonstrating the actual sins)

There will be voting input from all social internet sources and You Tube about the best 'Sinner Videos" and live chat emails with the Priests and additional voting on what the admonitions should be for the sinners ie Mary has confessed to teasing boys by wearing no underwear and the Priest is directed to recommend"Ok Mary - ten Hail Mary"s AND ten CARTWHEELS!" (  so there will be humor involved)

The Pope speaking from the Vatican said  "This hasa my totola blessing and should bringa a lota more kidsa to confession -hey a littla fooling arounda is hokay in todays world as long asa it's nota dirty and their is no fucking or masturbato or Homo stuffa involved"

amena

The Digibandit: Queer Confessions Unacceptable says Pope

The Digibandit: Queer Confessions Unacceptable says Pope: In an amazing revelation from His Eminence in the Vatican today; The Pope asserted during an interview with the Catholic Times Magazine, ...

Queer Confessions Unacceptable says Pope

In an amazing revelation from His Eminence in the Vatican today; The Pope asserted during an interview with the Catholic Times Magazine, that Catholics who gave their confessions to homo Priests would not be absolved from their sins -- he stated;

"Priests who have been found outa to be queers have no standing with Goda, and any absolutions whicha they gave --are null and voida!"

Catholic Times Vatican reporter, Faba Nugatzi asked the Pope; "But your emminence, these Catholic members of your flock had no way of knowing that they were confessing to homo's - and if their sins are serious and not forgiven -- they will go to Hell?"

"Atsa tough titty!", replied the Pope. "Do you thinka God isa gonna accept the Confession from a Priest who just gota finished sticking hisa tinga into some young Altar boy?"

The reporter replied, "But your Holiness, i was talking to a man who confessed that he had sodomized and tortured his three year old son while he was under the influence of pain killers and alcohol due to post traumatic stress syndrome from serving in Iraq - as a life long Catholic he lived in constant fear of going to Hell prior to his confession. - SO NOW - What will he do when he hears your announcement that he will not be absolved from his venal sins?"

The Pope answered,"Well he is justa gonna have to commit his sins all over again and finda, if he can, a non homo Priest -- and confess all over again, and then he will hava fresh starta with Goda."

"But Your Emminence --that makes no sense! -- it's cruel and an abomination of Christ's Gospel."

The Pope concluded, "Well thatsa the Churcha for you -- Happy Easter."

St. Patrick - Patron Saint Of Drinking and Puking

St. Patrick - Patron Saint Of Drinking and Puking

"The great Irish tradition of acting like drunken morons will once again be played out on St. Patrick's Day!", said Archbishop McRummy today at St. Patricks Cathedral in New York City.

"In the year of the Lord seven hundred and fifty -- Pope Rectum 1x sent a Parish Priest named Patrick,who was a hopeless alcoholic and great comedian, over to a wild Celtic island with a boatload of whiskey and beer and the Pope said to him,'Now these Celts are wild,Patrick, and they worship strange Gods -- they have never tasted whiskey or beer -- so travel among them -- tell a few jokes -- pass around the booze -- and when they are so fucked up that they can't see straight -- convert them to Catholicism!"

The Archbishop continued; "Well Patrick was a big hit with the Celts -- he went from village to village and when he moved on there were hundreds of new Christian souls puking all over the place and pounding the shit out of each other -- and then the men would go home and abuse their wives and children."

The Archbishop concluded his holiday sermon with; " We must not forget the proud traditions and history of the Irish people and the great sacrifice of Saint Patrick, who died of syphilis and cirhossis of the liver shortly after returning to the Vatican from "Ireland" -- named for the Celtic word "Ire" which means "to Puke." And when your out there tomorrow -- acting like drunken morons -- thank God your a Christian! And pray thanks to St. Patrick that you are part of a great drunken religion -- unlike those heathen Jews and Muslims!

Quantic Dream Video Game, GDC 2012: Exclusive KARA Tech Demo HD | Video Clip | Game Trailers & Videos | GameTrailers.com

Quantic Dream Video Game, GDC 2012: Exclusive KARA Tech Demo HD | Video Clip | Game Trailers & Videos | GameTrailers.com

THE FUTURE!

Romney Has A Faulty "Asshole" Detector

Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)

If Darwin DIDN'T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!

Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!

It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.

Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)

What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)

Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"

These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!

Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)

I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:

And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"

It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)

More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.

Rick Sanitorium Prepares Us For Alien Encounter

     He is NOT Human!  - He can ABSORB Carbon Dioxide and GIVE OFF Oxygen!

Unlike us Carbon Based Humanoids he is nourished by CO2 so he believes (against ALL scientific evidence) that there is NO Global Warning!

Read his comments about asking a Plant if CO2 bothers it????

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/rick-santorum-dangers-carbon-dioxide-tell-plant-152230291.html

This difference in his basic biological construction accounts for his unique Worldview.

A view of life that is quite interesting and can actually help prepare us for an Alien Encounter at some point in our existence

Why Should Government Health Care Cover Fat Hogs Like Rush Limbaugh

SO you don't want health providers to cover contraception? -You don't think it's valid to allow women to have casual sex without running the risk of having to undergo an abortion for an unwanted child (like we don't have enough of these) AND you also don't want effective government programs to help single mothers under the psychological and financial distress caused by these unwanted births? AND maybe like many Evangelican Cookoos you also just think SEX was designed by God to procreate ONLY - and of course that a handful of cells (ALL Scientific evidence notwhistanding) represents the wanton killing of a Human Being  ( hey shouldn't that require the death penalty if it's a life?):

OK  -BUT -Then we don't want health providers paying out hundreds of billions of dollars for medical deficiencies that are a direct result of Obesity - Poor Nutrition - Excessive Alcohol Consumption - Smoking and all undisciplined life style behaviors with absolute direct statistical links to Heart and Mental Disease and Diabetes and Lung Cancer!

 This is NOT  a faith based rationale imposing Religion on the vast majority of Americans who believe that Sex (casual or fidelity based) is an intrinsic and fulfulling part of life and who also respect a women's right to privacy and want to avoid the destructive ongoing growth of single mothers and it's toll on our society  - BUT RATHER:

A reasonable desire and proposal to NOT pay for illness which directly ensues from the weak self determined choices of folks who just want to act like pigs and have the government pay for it -LIKE:

That obese drug addicted Demigogue -Rush Limbaugh!

Why should insurance premiums be escalated to the point of being unaffordable by average hard working Americans while a gross undisciplined Oxycotin Addicted Hog like Limbaugh -making 30 million dollars a year - Eventually has (God willing) a heart attack or stroke due to his personal life style choices - and we all have to chip in to pay for it???

Or for all those other overweight fast food addicted and alcohol guzzling and cigarette smokingChristian Conservatives (among others) who don't give a crap about their health and have high rates of heart and lung disease (and mostly obese children)

OH -and Jesus was thin and active and had a glass of Goat milk and some figs (for constipation) every day. -And he didn't booze or smoke!

Pope Says Condoms OK For Anal Sex

While Sanitorium and Romney are trying their darndest to keep condoms out of the hands of women and off the dicks of men  for contraception purposes  -The POPE! - That shining beacon of Medieval logic has made a dramatic announcement:

We do notta wanta to hava  a spreada of Aidsa  throughouta the Worlda -and amonga 40% of our Priests who are gay and might give the aidsa to some nice Altar Boysa - SO:

I herebye stata thata from now on -ina the power vested in me bya Goda I proclama:

"Men canna use the Condomas whena they hava ANAL sexa ONLY!"

Amena  and remember no cheating and using the condomas fora you wifas or girlfriends or you go straight to Hella with the Jews.

ps - speaking of "vested" that should come as a big relief to Sanitorium.

US Should Burn Bibles and Flags and Offer Toilet Paper TO Afghans

How about if we agree to burn one hundred copies of the Old Testament - 200 American flags AND:

Drop 1,000 cases of Charmin Ultra Wipes over Kabul which should alleviate the real source of pain and suffering for most Muslims over there -the necessity to wipe their asses with their sandy hands which is not only painful but since they eat with their hands -a source of constant Diarreah.

That should stop them from killing folks due to the accidental burning of some Korans  --OH!

We could also send them some comic books - since they mostly can't read maybe they would find that fun?

Does The Koran have pictures?

Unwanted Children Videos Pre Abortion

Instead of forcing women to undergo in-vitro screenings of their uterus in the hope that looking at a bunch of insencient cells will convince some knocked up women that her choice is between going to hell or getting an abortion:

The Christian faith healers should show them a video of a woman who is REALLY in hell!

A woman with a bottle of Vodka to her lips screaming at her two year old to stop screaming while her drunken impregnator supremo is banging on the door to get in to get some more of her food stamps.

Another detached and frightened toddler (baby) on his way to becoming just like his Mummy and Daddy who couldn't take care of themselves when they made her - didn't have a clue about nurturing a new human being -and their one and only smart and responsible decision "we can't do this" made difficult by:

The Blind faith efforts of the blind leading the blind.