The Digibandit: 07/01/2012

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

If Working Women Give Their Jobs to Men -Unemployment rate goes to 4%

ok -you guys take over

Women should give their jobs to men - eventually ending the whole unemployment problem and reversing the cultural mess we are in.

There was a time - not long ago:

When women ran the household and nurtured their children

When a man - with one job - supplied all the material needs of the family
When kids were watched over and played outside

When kids were not obese and drugged out

When parents were not obese and drugged out

When being in debt from buying unecessary crap was unecessary

When men felt like they had balls

when women felt like women

When kids felt like kids

When Republicans had brains

cc Lawrence Summers -head of Obama National Economic Council

Fat Malibu,CA Tourists Get Tickets for Exceeding 120 BMI

we shoulda stayed in Dayton Martha

No Porkers Allowed in The Park

In a first of it's kind local ordinance-Malibu has established a violation for being "Obese Within City Limits".

"We don't want fat tourists in Malibu and none of our full time residents has a Body Mass Index over 112"said Carl Smyth - Malibu's Sheriff."

He said; "If you are a porker it's gonna cost you $500 and ten dollars more for every pound of fat over the 120 BMI limit -so go somewhere else - try Dayton,Ohio -ha ha ha"

"Why did you establish this mean violation?" asked digibandit reporter Elise Mandelbaum?"

Smythe replied: "These folks look like shit and Malibu is perfect the way it is AND they have a huge Carbon imprint."

"We want slender gals like you Elise with big ta ta's!"

Monday, July 30, 2012

Islamic Rabid Chimpanzees With Hydrogen Bombs?

Muslim brothers,” said the government-appointed preacher, Sheik Eid Abdel Hamid Youssef, “God has inflicted the Muslim nation with a people whom God has become angry at and whom he cursed so he made monkeys and pigs out of them. They killed prophets and messengers and sowed corruption on Earth. They are the most evil on Earth.”

And these crazy morons who run Iran and their predecessors have felt this way about the Jews long before Israel existed!

It isn't about Palestine or Palestinians!

They hate the Jews -they hate themselves -they hate progress -they hate women -they hate Democracy - they hate art and literature and music!

They are a land full of miserable fucks - where some of the best jobs are killing each other in the name of Allah - where a violent death leads to the promise of an eternity fucking Virgins in Paradise -and now they want a Nuclear Capability -duh!

Just Imagine the Israelis living next door to these Neanderthals knowing that the first time they gain the military means to wipe them off the face of the Earth - they will attempt it!
And - then - an Israeli nuclear submarine in the Mediterranean will turn Gaza and the West Bank and Syria and Iran and Jordan and maybe the whole fucking Middle East into Chernoble!

So - we all better pray that they are successful in keeping their ongoing existential threats at a reasonable distance until the Arabs get their shit together - or it's the big KABOOM!

Because the Israelis won't go down easy!

Hamas is commited to the destruction of Israel! -They are totally supported by Iran and Syria -The Israelis cannot stand by and let them grow stronger and stronger.

These Chimpanzees are their next door neighbors - this is not about Israelis wantonly killing civilians - the Israelis revere life - not death.
This is about a tiny democratic country living among the most crazy and violent people on Earth - fighting for it's life!

Clocks are ticking

Sunday, July 29, 2012

" My God You're Alive" from Fox TV -" Make Believe" Death Reality Show

Mike Schlocknelll President of Fox TV announced a revolutionary new Reality program in which families will be informed that a close member of that family -- has died!
"Here's an example of how it worked -we have of course already shot thirteen episodes before the joke got around --haha " He continued; "The wife gets a phone call(from our producer) --so sorry Mrs. Crotchrot, this is the LA Medical Examiner's office and we have some terrible news for you --your husband Benjamin is dead! -- Be calm my dear -- he's with God at this very moment --no it won't be necessary for you to identify the remains because there are no remains --- now calm down Maa'm and let me explain. Your husband was identified from DNA samples in a tooth from the Great Whie Shark that ate him which we found washed up on the Malibu beach -- it was stuck in a piece of Mr. Crotchrot's skull. --oh please stop screaming --think of him with Jesus now--playing Golf. --Please stop crying -- okay so think of him with Moses and Abraham, playing Pinochle"

"Well you get the picture." he went on: " So we cover all the family trauma and do a bunch of backstories on the family and the deceased --we get the kids involved and the neighbors and the Clergy and the funeral is fabulous --we bring in some gospel r&b talent from "American Idol" (ooh Lordy Jesus ooh ooh uh uh) monkey music crapola -- or a Rabbi with a violin, or Matsinyahu (manishtinoye hazeh oye yoy yoy voy) the Hebey histrionics -- and the tears flow like Evian and people moan and cry and faint and throw themselves on the casket -- You know! -- the whole reality shtick that the moronic viewers eat up like shit candy."
"But"Mike continued; at least this program has a happy ending and a moral point of view -- when Mr.Crotchrot jumps out of the casket --not only is their wild relief (ah yes - dissapointment in some cases) -but it really demonstrates what's important in life in a clear and sobering fashion -- a real wake-up call! -- and -- it offers hope to folks who have been informed of sudden deaths in their families -- who can now hope and pray that thay will pop up at their funeral as part of a television hoax?
Our Reporter asked; "You think that justifies your faking someone's death --scaring loved ones out of their minds with grief -- the shock and trauma and long lasting impact on the children?" -- "Now just hold on right there Miss Gullible. There have only been two heart attacks and one stroke so far,and the children spend half their lives with digital baby sitters that make this show look like "Little House On The Prairie".

"And besides -- who gives a fuck -- it's Television --you don't like it --turn it the fuck off. "

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Ann Romney "Hiroshi Hoketsu can Ride ME like a Drissage Bitch Mare!"

Said Anne " He makes me wet just watching him in the Ring - i would blow him in the stable until he was too weak to ride -except to ride ME like a Drissage Mare AND if Mitty (endearing term for Mitt) didn't like it -it's just tough titty -I would fuck Hiroshi with Mitt watching!

LONDON – The oldest competitor at the 2012 Olympic Games has revealed the extraordinary sacrifices he has made in order to remain a medal contender well past retirement age.

Hiroshi Hoketsu, who will represent Japan in the equestrian discipline of dressage at the age of 71, told Yahoo! Sports how chasing a slice of history and becoming the oldest Olympian in the last 92 years is the result of a fanatical commitment to the spo

"I have not seen my wife, Motoko, for more than a year," said Hoketsu, who lives and trains in the German town of Aachen in order to team up with his horse, Whisper, and his Dutch coach. "It is difficult to be away from home for this long as an old man and I owe everything to her patience and understanding.but even if i never got laid again i would rather fuck a snake than Anne Romney."

Hoketsu further responded to Anne Romney's comments saying; "I wouldn't fuck that Porker with Mitt's dick!"

King of Blood Spatterers' -Harvey Weinstein - is SOOOO Full of Shit

From deadline Hollywood -Weinstein also said, “I think, as filmmakers, we should sit down – the Marty Scorseses, the Quentin Tarantinos, and hopefully all of us who deal in violence in movies – and discuss our role in that.”

As a successful screenwriter pal of mine emailed about Harvey’s ‘summit’ call: “Wonderful. It’s going to take place at the corner of Hubris St. and Hypocrisy Blvd, in the city of Sanctimony, right near the Self-Righteous Cineplex.”

Here is Harvey's blood soaked filmography: