Evangelists Turn Jesus Christ Into A Gang Banger

Can't get the young morons to join the old morons in Church ? - Let's try violent behavior!

Flock Is Now a Fight Team in Some Ministries

Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Diego Sanchez before a bout in Memphis.

• SIGN IN TO RECOMMEND
• TWITTER
• COMMENTS(262)
• E-MAIL
• SEND TO PHONE
• PRINT
• REPRINTS
• SHARE

By R. M. SCHNEIDERMAN

Published: February 1, 2010

MEMPHIS — In the back room of a theater on Beale Street, John Renken, 42, a pastor, recently led a group of young men in prayer.

Multimedia

Audio Slide Show

Faithful, and Fighting

Enlarge This Image

Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Leonard Lane, left, fighting for Xtreme Ministries, a church that doubles as a martial arts academy.

Enlarge This Image

Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times

Before the Cage Assault bout in Memphis, Mr. Lane got his hands taped by Pastor John Renken of Xtreme Ministries.

Readers' Comments

Share your thoughts.

• Post a Comment »
• Read All Comments (262) »

“Father, we thank you for tonight,” he said. “We pray that we will be a representation of you.”

An hour later, a member of his flock who had bowed his head was now unleashing a torrent of blows on an opponent, and Mr. Renken was offering guidance that was not exactly prayerful.

“Hard punches!” he shouted from the sidelines of a martial arts event called Cage Assault. “Finish the fight! To the head! To the head!”

The young man was a member of a fight team at Xtreme Ministries, a small church near Nashville that doubles as a mixed martial artsacademy. Mr. Renken, who founded the church and academy, doubles as the team’s coach. The school’s motto is “Where Feet, Fist and Faith Collide.”

Mr. Renken’s ministry is one of a small but growing number of evangelical churches that have embraced mixed martial arts — a sport with a reputation for violence and blood that combines kickboxing, wrestling and other fighting styles — to reach and convert young men, whose church attendance has been persistently low. Mixed martial arts events have drawn millions of television viewers, and one was the top pay-per-view event in 2009.

Recruitment efforts at the churches, which are predominantly white, involve fight night television viewing parties and lecture series that use ultimate fighting to explain how Christ fought for what he believed in. Other ministers go further, hosting or participating in live events.

The goal, these pastors say, is to inject some machismo into their ministries — and into the image of Jesus — in the hope of making Christianity more appealing. “Compassion and love — we agree with all that stuff, too,” said Brandon Beals, 37, the lead pastor atCanyon Creek Church outside of Seattle. “But what led me to find Christ was that Jesus was a fighter.”

The outreach is part of a larger and more longstanding effort on the part of some ministers who fear that their churches have become too feminized, promoting kindness and compassion at the expense of strength and responsibility.

“The man should be the overall leader of the household,” said Ryan Dobson, 39, a pastor and fan of mixed martial arts who is the son of James C. Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, a prominent evangelical group. “We’ve raised a generation of little boys.”

These pastors say the marriage of faith and fighting is intended to promote Christian values, quoting verses like “fight the good fight of faith” from Timothy 6:12. Several put the number of churches taking up mixed martial arts at roughly 700 of an estimated 115,000 white evangelical churches in America. The sport is seen as a legitimate outreach tool by the youth ministry affiliate of the National Association of Evangelicals, which represents more than 45,000 churches.

“You have a lot of troubled young men who grew up without fathers, and they’re wandering and they’re hopeless and they’re lousy dads themselves and they’re just lost,” said Paul Robie, 54, a pastor at South Mountain Community Church in Draper, Utah.

Fighting as a metaphor has resonated with some young men.

“I’m fighting to provide a better quality of life for my family and provide them with things that I didn’t have growing up,” said Mike Thompson, 32, a former gang member and student of Mr. Renken’s who until recently had struggled with unemployment and who fights under the nickname the Fury. “Once I accepted Christ in my life,” Mr. Thompson said, “I realized that a person can fight for good.”

Nondenominational evangelical churches have a long history of using popular culture — rock music, skateboarding and even yoga— to reach new followers. Yet even among more experimental sects, mixed martial arts has critics.

“What you attract people to Christ with is also what you need to get people to stay,” saidEugene Cho, 39, a pastor at Quest Church, an evangelical congregation in Seattle. “I don’t live for the Jesus who eats red meat, drinks beer and beats on other men.”

Robert Brady, 49, the executive vice president of a conservative evangelical group, the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals, agreed, saying that the mixed martial arts motif of evangelism “so easily takes away from the real focus of the church, which is the Gospel.” Many black churches have chosen not to participate.

Almost a decade ago, mixed martial arts was seen as a blood sport without rules or regulation. It was banned in nearly every state and denounced by politicians like Senator John McCain, Republican of Arizona.

Over the past five years, however, because of shrewd marketing by the Ultimate Fighting Championship, the sport’s premier brand, mixed martial arts has become mainstream. Today the sport is legal and regulated in 42 states.

Its proponents point to a study by researchers at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine showing that mixed martial arts participants suffer a lower rate of knockouts than boxers.

Over the past year and a half, a subculture has evolved, with Christian mixed martial arts clothing brands like Jesus Didn’t Tap (in the sport, “tap” means to give up) and Christian social networking Web sites likeAnointedfighter.com.

Roughly 100 young men, many sporting shaved heads and tattoos, attend fight parties at Canyon Creek near Seattle, watching bouts on the church’s four big-screen televisions. Vendors hustle hot dogs and “Predestined to Fight” T-shirts. About half are not church members but heard about the parties through friends, said Mr. Beals, who is known as theFight Pastor.

Men ages 18 to 34 are absent from churches, some pastors said, because churches have become more amenable to women and children. “We grew up in a church that had pastel pews,” said Tom Skiles, 37, the pastor of Spirit of St. Louis Church in Arnold, Mo. “The men fell asleep.”

In focusing on the toughness of Christ, evangelical leaders are harking back to a similar movement in the early 1900s, historians say, when women began entering the work force. Proponents of this so-called muscular Christianity advocated weight lifting as a way for Christians to express their masculinity.

“This whole generation is raised on the idea that they’re in a culture war for the heart and soul of America,” said Stephen Prothero, a professor of religion at Boston University.

Paul Burress, 35, a chaplain and fight coachat Victory Baptist Church in Rochester, said mixed martial arts had given his students a chance to work on body, soul and spirit. “Win or lose, we represent Jesus,” he said. “And we win most of the time.”

But on that cold night in Memphis, Mr. Renken, the pastor from Xtreme Ministries, watched as two of his three fighters were beaten, one emerging with a broken ankle.

Another, Jesse Johnson, 20, a potential convert, was subdued in a chokehold and decided not to return home with the other church members after his bout. He stayed in Memphis, drinking and carousing with friends along Beale Street, this city’s raucous, neon-lighted strip of bars.

“Where Feet, Fist and Faith Collide.”

So what else is new!

"You Fuck It You OWN It!" - new teenager campaign

Liberals hated almost everything about George W. Bush’s presidency, but they harbored a particular animus toward a minor domestic policy priority: abstinence-based sex education. The abstinence effort accounted for about a hundred million dollars in a trillion-dollar budget, but in the eyes of many critics it was Bushism at its worst — contemptuous of experts, careless about public health and captive to religious conservatism.

So last week’s news that teenage birthrates inched upward late in the Bush era, after 15 years of steady decline, was greeted with a grim sort of satisfaction. Bloggers pounced; activists claimed vindication. On CBS News, Katie Couric used the occasion to lecture viewers about the perils of telling kids only about abstinence, and ignoring contraception. The new numbers, declared the president of Planned Parenthood, make it “crystal clear that abstinence-only sex education for teenagers does not work.”

But -Listen to the digibandit! -"You Fuck It - You Own It" will do for teenage pregnancy what "You Break It -You Own It" did for retailers --MINIMIZE the damage!

Fox Tv Announces "The Witch Doctors"

"The next big thing in reality programs will be 'Voodoo Reality' and the audience will love it" said Moishe Pipick,Fox head of alternative reality programming at the NATPE convention in las Vegas.

"Terminally ill patients will be brought to a village in the remote Burundi Highlands in Africa,where Witch Doctors will compete to cure a group of hopeless patients and restore their health.

There will be Judging and prizes and internet voting -- if a patient should not respond and die,his family will receive a cash award."

Pipick stated; "I am so convinced that this show will generate cures for the terminally ill that my mother Becky Pipick will be joining the first group in Africa"

He concluded; "Oh -and for each patient they cure - the Witch Doctors have requested and will receive three goats and an I Pad."

Only Requisite For Evil is For Good Men To Do Nothing

this NY Times editorial reminded me of that quote from edmund Burke:

OP-ED COLUMNIST

A Radical Treasure

• SIGN IN TO RECOMMEND
• TWITTER
• COMMENTS(391)
• E-MAIL
• SEND TO PHONE
• PRINT
• SHARE

By BOB HERBERT

Published: January 29, 2010

I had lunch with Howard Zinn just a few weeks ago, and I’ve seldom had more fun while talking about so many matters that were unreservedly unpleasant: the sorry state of government and politics in the U.S., the tragic futility of our escalation in Afghanistan, the plight of working people in an economy rigged to benefit the rich and powerful.

Bob Herbert

Go to Columnist Page »

Related

Howard Zinn, Historian, Is Dead at 87(January 29, 2010)

Readers' Comments

Readers shared their thoughts on this article.

• Read All Comments (391) »

Mr. Zinn could talk about all of that and more without losing his sense of humor. He was a historian with a big, engaging smile that seemed ever-present. His death this week at the age of 87 was a loss that should have drawn much more attention from a press corps that spends an inordinate amount of its time obsessing idiotically over the likes of Tiger Woods and John Edwards.

Mr. Zinn was chagrined by the present state of affairs, but undaunted. “If there is going to be change, real change,” he said, “it will have to work its way from the bottom up, from the people themselves. That’s how change happens.”

We were in a restaurant at the Warwick Hotel in Manhattan. Also there was Anthony Arnove, who had worked closely with Mr. Zinn in recent years and had collaborated on his last major project, “The People Speak.” It’s a film in which well-known performers bring to life the inspirational words of everyday citizens whose struggles led to some of the most profound changes in the nation’s history. Think of those who joined in — and in many cases became leaders of — the abolitionist movement, the labor movement, the civil rights movement, the feminist revolution, the gay rights movement, and so on.

Think of what this country would have been like if those ordinary people had never bothered to fight and sometimes die for what they believed in. Mr. Zinn refers to them as “the people who have given this country whatever liberty and democracy we have.”

Our tendency is to give these true American heroes short shrift, just as we gave Howard Zinn short shrift. In the nitwit era that we’re living through now, it’s fashionable, for example, to bad-mouth labor unions and feminists even as workers throughout the land are treated like so much trash and the culture is so riddled with sexism that most people don’t even notice it. (There’s a restaurant chain called “Hooters,” for crying out loud.)

I always wondered why Howard Zinn was considered a radical. (He called himself a radical.) He was an unbelievably decent man who felt obliged to challenge injustice and unfairness wherever he found it. What was so radical about believing that workers should get a fair shake on the job, that corporations have too much power over our lives and much too much influence with the government, that wars are so murderously destructive that alternatives to warfare should be found, that blacks and other racial and ethnic minorities should have the same rights as whites, that the interests of powerful political leaders and corporate elites are not the same as those of ordinary people who are struggling from week to week to make ends meet?

Mr. Zinn was often taken to task for peeling back the rosy veneer of much of American history to reveal sordid realities that had remained hidden for too long. When writing about Andrew Jackson in his most famous book, “A People’s History of the United States,” published in 1980, Mr. Zinn said:

“If you look through high school textbooks and elementary school textbooks in American history, you will find Jackson the frontiersman, soldier, democrat, man of the people — not Jackson the slaveholder, land speculator, executioner of dissident soldiers, exterminator of Indians.”

Radical? Hardly.

Mr. Zinn would protest peacefully for important issues he believed in — against racial segregation, for example, or against the war in Vietnam — and at times he was beaten and arrested for doing so. He was a man of exceptionally strong character who worked hard as a boy growing up in Brooklyn during the Depression. He was a bomber pilot in World War II, and his experience of the unmitigated horror of warfare served as the foundation for his lifelong quest for peaceful solutions to conflict.

He had a wonderful family, and he cherished it. He and his wife, Roslyn, known to all as Roz, were married in 1944 and were inseparable for more than six decades until her death in 2008. She was an activist, too, and Howard’s editor. “I never showed my work to anyone except her,” he said.

They had two children and five grandchildren.

Mr. Zinn was in Santa Monica this week, resting up after a grueling year of work and travel, when he suffered a heart attack and died on Wednesday. He was a treasure and an inspiration. That he was considered radical says way more about this society than it does about him.

Fox TV Announces "Smarter Than A Cock?" -With Britney Spears

Fox TV -- which continues to knock reality show hits out of the park with shows like "Hell's Toilet" and "Smarter Than A Guido" -- is kicking it up a notch!

Moishe Pipick - head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."

"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.

The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"

To which Pipick responded ;"Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids."Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat An Arab Religious Leader"

Oh - and the choice of Britney as host? -"Who can handle cocks better than her" - said Mr.Pipick.

Japanese Woman Gives Birth To Giant Squid

In another horrible example of the dramatic and disastrous changes taking place in the environment:

"Shinsuji Takamashaya gave birth to a twenty pound Giant Squid on the tiny Japanese atoll of Fonguyutu" - said Doctor Myashkenazi, an internist and genetic biologist with Japan's National Institute of Eco and Womb Research.

The human squid is considered to be sent by the God's in Taost tradition and will be reared by Japanese Monks in a sacred salt water tank .

Japan's Royal Monarch decreed an end to Whale hunting saying " This birth is a sign from the Nature Gods -- they are clearly pissed and we do not need to see a generation of human sushi appear in Japan."

Pat Robertson said " It's God's punishment of a pagan people who do not believe in our Jesus."

PS -- TheSquid's father was last seen rowing out to Sea and cannot be found -- he left a note; " How can i be a father to a Giant Squid?"

Elderly Jewish Women Break Walking Record

Barbara Lurie and Berta Munchengrappen have broken the long distance Jewish Women walking record in the over 85 category.

National Jewish Women's walking director,Mollie Ginsberg stated today :

"Relying on an exclusive diet of kosher pickles and stuffed cabbage,they walked 50 miles (25 times around the perimeter of Century Village in West Palm Beach Florida) in 12 hours and 22 minutes. -- they are a model of strength and fortitude for all of us".

The women in accepting their award said they where in a hurry to get to a Mahjong game but sent regards to their Grandchildren "who never call us -- so we keep busy by walking"

Asked how they would spend their award money:

Berta said she would get a hearing aid and Barbara said "What"

Teapublicans Coming To A Neighborhood Near You

Following are the issues important to so called Teapublicans - and if potential Republican candidates don't pass the test they don't get on the ballot: .

Will you pledge to vote against tax increases, even hidden taxes like those in health care reform? Should corporate executives who encourage illegal immigrants to stay because it is good for business be hauled off to jail? Do you believe manmade pollution is a significant contributor toglobal warming? (“I don’t necessarily think there’s been global warming,” one candidate objected.)

Each was asked to define the 10th Amendment, and to cite examples of where it “might have been violated.” “It’s my favorite amendment in the Constitution,” exclaimed one candidate, Ira Hoffman. “I can’t believe it!”

The amendment declares that powers not granted to the federal government by the Constitution are reserved to the states or the people, and Tea Party activists hold that Congress has overstepped its bounds, particularly by legislating health care. So candidates were asked whether they would support efforts to nullify the health care bill?

SOOO -these fucking right wing Republican neanderthals with their Republican gun toting Tea Party Militias are taking over the Republican Party - AND -the Democrats Party leaders are thinking "This is the death knell for The Republicans for sure"

Well it ain't shaping up thataway folks - latest indicators are that the torches are being lit and the pitchfork's are coming out of the garages -AND -the great unwashed masses are on the move -and life ain't looking so rosy in our shortlived Progressive Democratic respite from Bushville.

Never you mind that the bailout saved the country - and if taxes are not raised local governments will be in virtual collapse -and the Feds HAVE to raise taxes to cover entitlements and reduce deficits and that Health Care Reform is absolutely essential -and that Global Warming is already at a calamitous level:

The ignorant rednecks are fired up BIG TIME ! And sound thinking and clarity ain't exactly their major strengths.

AND -There's an old saying about how any Nation is just two missed meals away from anarchy.

There's a lot of hungry folks out there! -And the good ole USA is up to it's eyeballs in shit!

AND -thats why Obama's initiative to tax the BANKS and WALL STREET and get back ALL the bailout money - is so critical!

Fox Announces –Weekend at Bernie’s –With Ruth Madoff

Fox TV president Mike Schlocknell said today –in a press conference at the posh LA eatery - Morton’s ; “This is gonna be bigger than Idol!”

Think of it as “Weekend At Bernie’s” threeha ha ha - I mean we originally were gonna call it “Weekends With Bernie at Butner. NC Federal Detention Center” – But – this is so much hipper with it’s reference to those two iconic Bernie movies -and like them – this is kinda like a dark comedy “

He continued; ‘I met with Ruth Madoff (who bye the way is still kinda hot) and when she swept into Palm Beach last month to meet with me and discuss this show concept with a quintet of girlfriends, her $7,500 Birkin bag dangling, and with her husband’s 74-year-old sister, who was ruined by Bernie’s scam, who is now watering plants and driving people to the airport just to make ends meet:

I knew we had the beginnings of a winner!

I mean broken victims owed millions in her husband's suspected Ponzi scheme are fighting for pennies on the dollar, butRuth Madoff says $62 million she squirreled away is none of their business.

Ruthy has an E. 64th St. apartment, valued at $7 million, as well as $45 million in municipal bonds controlled by Cohmad Securities and $17 million in aWachovia account.

.Ruth Madoff has never been criminally charged in her husband's alleged fraud, but federal investigators continue to probe others who may have had a hand in a$50 billion Ponzi scheme that's been called the largest in the nation's history.”

Schlocknell continued:”And –she knows where ALL the bodies are buried! - Just think of the drama as she sits with Bernie –shows family videos – talks with Bernie’s two hated sons Mark and Andrew ––meets with the victims oye vey i'm having an an orgasm!”

He went on; 'And that stuff is only the beginning of the TV friendly stuff that's gonna GUSH from this show - I mean -this is the stuff that American;s DREAM of watching!"

Schlocknell concluded; "I mean - you talk about schadenfraude - There will be thirty million American's tuned into this show screaming -The fucking Jews finally got it up the ass! -Fuck em! - Look at these two fucking Hebes! - What a fucking Jewish Princess whore that Ruth Madoff is! - Look at that tan on that fucking Jew Madoff will ya! -

Get me another beer Martha! -And tell the kids to shut the fuck up- i can't here what she's saying!"

Fox Tv Announces - "From Fags To Stags" Boot Camp

"You come in as a Homo and leave as a Romeo" says executive producer Moishe Pipick speaking on behalf of Fox Reality Pres.Mike Schlocko who is visiting Bernie Madoff in federal Prison to discuss a potential program.

"Over the course of twelve weeks our drill instructors -who make Victoria Secrets models look like boys -and who in addition to being the greatest pieces of ass on Earth -are also behavioral psychiatrists -will have these homo recruits screwing like a Guido on the Jersey Shore"

Pipick went on; "we will follow them as they convert from "Tuchas Tigers" - into "Snatch Busters" -and we will witness the pride and joy that their families will experience in seeing their transition into happy and fulfilled "Real Men"

"This is another example of Fox Reality TV's commitment to presenting compelling -must watch programs -while simultaneously helping to uplift society."

He concluded; "The one disappointment in the production is that we had to eliminate the Priests from the Boot Camp"

"They were using it to prey (oops a pun) on the recruits and to try and cornhole all the young kids in the area where we where shooting"

He concluded: "If you have a homo friend or family member or are a fagott yourself - call us at 1-800- fag - camp -and start the New Year on top (get it?)

Fox TV Announces " Drunken Irish Beach House"

"If you think MTV's "Jersey Shore," starring the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos" around as they wade (carefully) through the (dirty) water and step (gingerly) on the (needle-ridden) sand on their way to down Jagerbombs -- is the stuff that hits are made from -just wait until you see what a drunken group of "Micks" are up to when they frolic in THEIR beach house in Sea Gate NJ (AKA The Irish Riviera) -on the Southern Jersey Shore."

So said Mike Schlocker President of Fox Tv Reality -he continued:

"Hey -no matter how raunchy and macho crazed and out of control the Wops are -they they are still the descendents of the folks who conquered the known world and pulled Europe out of the Dark Ages and gave us DaVinci and Michaelangelo - and even the guy who DISCOVERED The Jersey Sre!"

Schlocker went on "These wops always maintain a modicum of culture and family and even decency in their overall behavior -and they can all cook like Chefs and deep down (no matter how fucked up they get) -- they respect women because well -they all have Grandmothers like Mother Theresa and fathers like Michael Corleone.

He said "BUT -the white trash Micks have absolutely NO sense of propriety or even humanity after their first case of beer!"(82%of ther fathers are alcoholics and 68% of their mothers -according to latest research polls)

'I mean - A Wop might get into a fight and slap his chick and tear up the joint -but then he settles down with a nice espresso and some anisette- smokes a camel and takes his chick to bed and fucks her like a Stallion"

"BUT - With the Mick drunkards it's just non stop puking and breaking shit and then out looking for Jews and Blacks and Homos to beat up -and then it's home for more puking -and then they fall asleep while their girlfriends go out to find an Italian to fuck them silly!"

"I mean" continued Schlocker: "Is this not the stuff that great Fox Reality hits are made of?"

"I would say -Yes! -Definitely -and next season how about "Nigga Beach House In ASbury Park"

Harry Reid A Typical Mormon Racist

WASHINGTON – Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid apologized on Saturday for saying Barack Obama should seek — and could win — the White House because Obama was a "light skinned" African-American

The Mormon's didn't even allow blacks into their ridiculous priesthood until 1979!

It is a core ingredient of their screwy bible tale where a dark skinned tribe was responsible for wiping out the light skinned"Good" Mormons -and they have been a racist sect from day one.

They are also anti gay with a passion -and dream of the day when the Gentiles (us) will be annihilated and they can go back to official polygamy - fucking fourteen year old girls to their hearts content.

And they all have that pasty eerie complexion like that asshole Romney which seems to say -"Don't bother me I'm having a conversation with God and I'll have to get back to you on that"

Hey -there are a lot of really fine Mormons - i shouldn't generalize -but eighty percent of them are one step out of the loony bin.

Maybe 84%?

"Make The Motha Fucking Islamists Laugh" Tour - Starring Chris Rock

Chris Rock -who will lead the Middle East Tour said today -

"Hey -you show me a country where there is no stand-up Comedy - and i will show you a violent motherfucking stink hole of a place guaranteed. "

He said; "Here's a typical Muslim fundamentalist joke:

" Arak - did you know my cousin blew a Jew? - No! - What You mean Mucak? - Your cousin blew a Jew? He must be killed! - No! No! No! Arak - Heh! Heh! He BLEW him up with fifty other infidels -- hahahahahahahhahahahha"

Rock concluded; "Well wer'e gonna change all that and bring some laughs to these repressed uptight -no laughin motha fuckas. - Me and my friends - and i hope we don't get blown."

I'm a little worried about Robin Williams - like he starts out with "Hey you stinky sand niggas -you all hear the one about the Ayatollah fucking a Camel in the ass and a Jew comes along and..."

"Whoa Robin -you fucking crazy motha fucka" I said - "You gonna get us all raped and beheaded!"

And he says "That ain't shit! -Wait till you hear the stuff that Andrew Dice Clay is gonna lay on these folks - he told me that they have to be shocked into a sense of humor and he is pulling out all the stops!"

Rock continued; "And Whoopie said she's goin for the juglar with the feminist jokes -because you know Whoopie don't go for the Islamo's treatin their chicks like dirt"

"Whoopie said she's got a whole routine about all the Arab Muslims being latent homos and having tiny dicks and shit like that -and she's gonna hand out Ultra Charmin and she thinks once they stop using their hands maybe they will act more gentle"

Rock concluded "Well either they will start laughing or leave to get their guns - in which case - it's adios time for the whole crew -and fuck their smelly nasty homo asses!"

Tiger Woods Becoming A Mormon

Tiger announced today: " The thing i like about the Mormons -especially the conservative ones -is that with "Plural Marriages" -aka Polygamy -i can get all the pussy i want and it's ok with God as decreed by their founder Joseph Smith"

"It seems that Joseph couldn't keep his dick in his pants (like me heh heh) -only this guy was completely outa control -he had like forty wives he was hiding -so finally he just conjured up another one of his "revelations" -and wammo! - Mormons could start telling all their good looking young family members that they had to marry them and fuck them cause god said so - even if they were only fourteen .

"I mean -now i can get all the hot pussy i want and the sponsors won't care because if it's cool with god - why should they give a shit how much pussy i get?"

"Oh -and get this! -if i knock up some of these wives -i just wait until they are fourteen -and then i can fuck them too!"

Tiger concluded: "If you think I'm making this stuff up i suggest you read "Under The Banner of heaven" by Jon Krakaur- These Mormons are hot stuff"

"And what can you expect from a religion with a horny delusional necromancer for a founder - and with an angel named Moron who gave Joseph Smith a gold bling bible with Egyptian lettering that was buried in America -and THAT is their holy book?"

"When these young Morons come around to your door -just sign up -and get all the free pussy you want -sent directly from God"

New Year's Resolutions

No more hookers or drugs or booze

No more eatting animal protein or ice cream

No more fucking vulgar jokes

No more angry behavior

No more anal sex or analingis

No more lying or cheating or stealing

No more indolence

No more god hating atheism

No more masturbation or porno or cross dressing

No more hatred of Priests - Mullahs -Hunters and Mormons -and Heavy TV Watchers and Ignoramuses and folks with Freckles or any other putrid people

No more fun

"Fly Nude Airlines" -Security Guaranteed

Northwest Air announced it's "Fly Nude" Airline Division with a Nude press conference at the beverly Hill's Tanning Center in Los Angeles.

Moishe Pipick head of security for the new venture told the press (while lying in a tanning booth and drinking a Mai Tai):

'Hey -Don't i looked relaxed! -WELL I AM RELAXED! BECAUSE I'M LYING DOWN GETTING A LOVELY TAN AND GETTING LOADED AND THE LAST THING ON MY MIND IS GETTING BLOWN OUT THE WINDOW OF A JETLINER 50 THOUSAND FEET UP IN THE AIR WITH MY WIFE AND KIDS SKYDIVING BEHIND ME"

He continued; "THAT'S the kind of peace and security that's guaranteed on "Fly Nude Air!"

"What about body cavity searches to make sure - well you know?" asked Elise Mandelbaum -digibandit Homeland Security reporter.

Pipick replied: "Passengers will search each other! - Heh Heh

-hey Elise -That's part of the fun on "Fly Nude" -it provides TOTAL security plus it kinda starts the party ball rollin along"

" ps -And you know that no crazy Muslim is gonna take his clothes off anyway -they think nudity is a stoning offense"

"Hey Elise why dontcha strip down and get into the 'Fly Nude" spirit -and i'd love to see your bodacious ta ta's!"

"Okey dokey"

Fox Announces -Dead Relatives With God Videos

Yep -Fox is getting into the Educational Video biz and here's a sample of their first release "Say Hi To Grandpop Up In Heaven"(Grandmom's are next because they live longer) -which is flying off the shelves this holiday season:

Videos can be personalized as follows:

"High my darling grandchildren -This is Granpa Pipick speaking to you from heaven.

'It's so beautiful and peaceful here -and i'm sitting here with God playing a nice game of checkers - and God wants to say hi;

"Hi -this is god and the reason I'm sitting here with Grandpa Pipick playing checkers and sipping iced tea - instead of him roasting for all Eternity in Hell with the Devil -is because he was a good man and he worshipped me."

"So i want you to be very good and worship me blindly no matter how horrible life treats you or how stupid that seems -or you won't get up here and be with your good -God loving loved ones

"And if you're real bad - i might just send Grandpa Pipick down to Hell just to get even. - Now here's your Grandpa again"

"Now kids - you want me to go on living like a King up here in Heaven dontcha? -So don't fuck up and get me sent down with Grandma Pipick and Uncle Abe -in Hell!"

"And the production is so inexpensive" said Elise Mandelbaum President of Fox Video.

She stated; "The religious right loonies will buy these videos by the millions - we received ten thousand videos of grandparents from these nut cases just last week so we can edit them into the finished tapes before they croak"

"Or we can just send the generic version with fake heavenly voices (with provided info re Grandpa) as soon as we receive a deposit of $49.95"

"Hey! _ isn't there a whole new potential market here? -Messages from the dead kinda stuff?" asked digibandit Hollywood reporter Yonah Shimmel.

"heh heh" Laughed Mandelbaum "And a whole new reality show series is in the works:

"Afterlife" starring dead people - playing themselves before they died - Just as if they were still alive "

Fox rules!

Santa Claus Charged With Sodomizing Elves

Santa arrived back in the North Pole after a long night of gift giving to find himself taken into custody by the Polar Police -his Reindeer quarantined and his sled impounded -as hundreds of elves with torches and pitchforks screamed "Santa is a pervert!"

Meyer Lansky the North Pole Chief of Police stated; 'Santa has been taken into custody because of DNA evidence and testimony alleging that he was routinely sodomizing both his.male and female elves - and maybe even his Reindeers?

He said: "And we are asking all parents to watch their children this Christmas day for any evidence of unusual or frightful .behavior"

"For example -If they are afraid to open their presents or cry at the sight of milk and cookies "

"Merry Christmas"

Pastor Rick Warren Guilty Of Masturbation Genocide

What's that! - The Pastor who presided at Obama's inauguration - Who has the largest Christian Congregation on earth (The Saddleback Church)-Who wrote "The Purpose Driven Life" -which has outsold the Bible:

Guilty of genocide?--- Absolutely and here's why!

He told David Gregory on "Meet The Press" -- "There has been a genocide of sixty million souls - those who have been aborted since the Roe V Wade decision.

OK -so since Ricky equates a women's decision to have some microscopic cells scraped from her uterus- or the early growth of an embryo- both of which represent the "POTENTIAL" for human life - with genocidal murder:

I hence assume he believes that GOD is saying ""Uh Uh Don't fuck with MY zygotes - i gave you humans sperm and eggs and they are to be used for procreation only - or you are guilty of murder -- oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!"

Now for those of us who believe that "LIfe" begins when their is sentience and follow our ethical and moral precepts guided by medical science and common sense and with respect for a women's privacy - well - we are on a plane with Adolph Eichmann and Hitler et.al -and are killing little humans daily .(fortunately in the good ole USA as opposed to Saudi Arabia or even the USA prior to the separation of Church and State)) We heathens don't have to receive our morality direct from the tooth fairy)

Oh -and Ricky boy just stands there and preaches while genocide is occuring all around him - (kinda like the Church did during the lesser Holocaust of a mere six million Jews)

Anyway -back to Pastor Rick's complicity in personal genocidal homicide - BECAUSE - if destroying the POTENTIAL for life (as opposed to the secular view of when LIFE ACTUALLY begins) IS on a moral plain with "MURDER"- in the eyes of GOD -and as Pastor Ricky says :

THEN (ta da) - every time Rick Warren jerked off - he commited "MURDER"-according to the Bible and in the eyes of GOD!

As a million sperm cells carrying the potential for life flew onto his belly - Pastor Rick - Along with all the other murderous masturbating Christians - destroyed the potential for life in the eyes of god:

As surely as did the SS officer who shoved my Aunt Tanta and her three little girls into the ovens at Auswich)

So - first of all Ricky -YOU are going to HELL! -And secondly -you are going to the hottest part of HELL - Because you stood by and watched sixty million human beings being slaughtered since Roe V Wade and did shit!

Oh - and i won't even get into what St. Thomas Aquinas would say about when you good Christians become guilty of such genocide in the eyes of GOD - BUT FYI -It would be when you begin -in good conscience - to plan on how to frustrate the insemination process with your onerous anti ovulation trickery - Which is SO transparent to your God (and REALLY pisses him off)

Final Nail In Republican Coffin

The same group of stinking fat cats and conservatives voted for the Fugitive Slave act - Plessy Ferguson and against all attempted Civil Rights legislation - They tried to block Suffrage and the New Deal and every attempt by Progressives to help labor and the poor and the disenfranchised - ever since the inception of our representative Democracy

Bibles in hand they are pro gun -pro unwanted life -pro war (any war)-anti immigration -anti minimum wage equity - anti environment and anti intellectual and anti science.

They hate gays - and they worship an out of control and unregulated financial system that brought us to the brink of economic collapse.

They never said boo when GW drove up the deficit and federal spending to record levels -AND:

Now the whole batch of them has voted against Health Care Reform! - a political strategy to stop the progress being made across the board by a brilliant President who they hate.

And who is on the way to restoring this nation to place of dignity and promise in the World -Abandoned during the Dark Ages of Republican rule under that moron GW.

Adios rednecks!- You're finished! -Health Care Reform is on the way!

Tiger Is An Angel Next To These Fuckers

“I’m a conservative who opposes radically redefining marriage, the most important social institution in human history,” Mr. David Vitter, a 46-year-old Republican, wrote in a letter last year to The Times-Picayune, the New Orleans daily.

That self-created image, a political winner here since 1991, when Mr. Vitter joined the Louisiana House, took a tumble with the disclosure that his phone number was among those on a list of client numbers kept by Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the so-called D.C. Madam, who is accused of running a prostitution ring in Washington."

"So this report in todays New York Times should come as no surprise to anyone with half a brain!" said Doctor Herschel Mandelbaum, head psychiatrist at the National Center for Male Lust, in Eugene Oregon.

"Every study that has ever been done on the male libido, and it's cognitive and physiological response to hot pussy; -- has conclusively shown that the prick has a very strong mind of it's own!"

He added; "And in the case of male religious conservatives these studies have shown that seventy percent of them will jump anything they can! The family value thing is right out the window when the one eyed monstor starts to rise -- fortunately for their families most of these bible thumpers are very unnatractive to women and have low levels of testosterone and small dicks -- otherwise they would fuck their pets!"

Dr.Mandelbaum, who is the world authority on male libidian behavior further stated; "And in the case of male politicians who espouse conservative family values -- our studies have shown with a margin of error of less then one percent, that when arroused -- they would fuck a snake!"

In conclusion the Doctor stated: " When finally caught with their peckers hanging out they always say, as in the case of Senator Vitter, -- "I am so sorry that i sinned in the past before i found the Lord --yadadadada."

"It's all bullshit! -- If a woan winked at them seconds after their bullshit cries of contrition - they would throw her in the back of their limo and fuck her like a dog in heat!"