If You're A Miserable Fuck?

Don't have children -AND DON'T get a dog!

So i'm out in the park with Liza (the wonderdog) yesterday and there's an attractive thirty ish woman about fifty yards away pulling and yelling at her dog like a moron.

Liza sees this and says to me "Hey poppy that's fucked up - I'm gonna go see if i can help"

So as Liza gets about thirty feet from the moron bitch (the dog OWNER that is) -She starts screaming "Get your dog away from me!"

In the meantime her son comes a running "Mommy! Mommy! can i pet the nice doggy?" (Liza)

Of course the miserable fuck starts yelling at the kid; "No! No! -You get away from that dog! -and look you're all muddy!"

Liza says to me; "Hey Pops -Can i take a bite out of that miserable fuck's ass?"

"Nope" says I -"Lets just keep movin along -people are like dogs -some are just turned into miserable fucks"

So now we come across a father teaching his kid how to ride a bike and he's runnin along beside him and the bike is all wobbling and teetering along -- and the kid is just laughing away -and the father is laughing -and Liza runs over to help out -and now the kid is playing with her -and the father is joining right in -and he says what a nice dog she is "Su pero es muy linda y contento "

"Yep she's a fine old girl allright" i reply -and he asks me something in Spanish that seems to say "Can my son give your dog a cookie?"

"Si Si gracias" says i and the kid gives Liza a cookie and Liza asks if she can play with the kid -and they gambol over to the duck pond together.

Well -i finally say "hasta luego" to Luis and little Luis and his momma - who is grilling hot dogs and hamburgers (liza and i each had a hot dog with jalapeno peppers and we split a Dos Equis) while singing joyfully

So as i get to my car i see a Range Rover pulling out and the driver is guess who? -You got it! --The miserable fucking moron! -And i hear the kid crying and the dog barking -and her yelling:

"Next time your father can take you to the park -if he can spare time from his golf"

AND -that's kinda a metaphor for life -ain't it?

And about immigration

Remember When Jane Fonda said Cunt on TV?

Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.

I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."

She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"

Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."

But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"

"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"

I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."

"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"

Kid's today!

Polish STILL a Polish Joke -Amsterdam RULES

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/18/world/europe/18poland.html

The European Gay Pride Parade was met in Poland by trhe usual Polish redneck peasant thugs that have characterized the Polaks for a thousand years.

The same asshole thugs who cheered on the trains heading for Auschwitz.

Poland would make a perfect red state in the USA -maybe John Baynor should lead a conservative Republican delegation over there to combine resources in the fight against human progress

Big problem is when the Polaks find out Johnny Boy Baynor is a latent homo hisself -whose Little Kelbasi wiener has been known to keep Mitch McConnell on his toes.

Oh and Nancy and Harry should trip on over to Amsterdam and see what progressive REALLY means.(90% of Holland is bisexual or headed there)The European Gay Parade in Amsterdam was ten times bigger than the one in West Hollywood.

Think about it will ya?

Go Netherlands!

Does Bill Gates Have a Penis?

I was just wondering about that because you never hear about him foolin around and he is worth 20 billion plus dollars -and his wife Melissa is cute -but hey:

I mean here's a healthy powerful guy - and he's smart and funny and the world's richest man.

I mean "Melissa darling - i'm off to Paris to talk about the Foundation and i'll be back in five days"

So meanwhile his trusted assistant Moishe Pipick who Gates pays 3 million a week so he's sure of his loyalty -rounds up the hottest babes in Europe and they are waiting for him (masked of course) at his Plaza Athenee apartment -and well you get my drift.

I mean even if Melissa has been trained by Oral Sex Gurus and Yoga Pleasure Masters in Tibet -and they have discovered some super sex drug -- Just think of the action that Gates could acquire around the Globe?

Either he's getting more pussy than the legendary Attila The Hun to whom we all have some genetic link because he screwed almost every hottie on Earth back then --OR:

Bill Gates has no Penis -OR -It's gonna be some kinda memoir.

But with his dough he could probably have a kentucky Thoroughbred's dick sewed onto him - OR - even have Lebron James dick cloned and implanted.

If any of you know if Gates has a penis could you drop me a line?

It's driving me nuts!

Why Do They VOLUNTEER For Combat Duty?

Personally speaking -i would rather get married again than volunteer to fight say in Afghanistan or Bahgdad

How stupid do you have to be to be willing to get your nuts torn off -or worse -to save some stone age Muslims who hate us and could give a shit less about Democracy.

Like we don't have enough National Security issues facing us in our back yards.

Hey -i am thrilled that some men and women are willing to go get killed and will kill some of our enemies in the process -go ahead knock yourselves out.

Fact is most of them are just collecting a pay check doing exciting and respected work -and don't believe for a minute that they will ever get nicked.

AND -the vast majority will not get hurt and can come home and collect PTSS goodies (oh and did you not think that volunteering to go kill folks in a Muslim snakepit would be stressful?)

Being poor and married to some dysfunctional mate -with messed up kids (standard fare in the good ole USA today) - is more stressful than seeing a guy's head get blown off -and these poor Americans get nothing.

Oh and General Petraus and the Joint Chiefs have less chance of getting killed than the president of BP -and way more perks -so yeah we need them - BUT they aren't doing it for humanity (it's a great fucking job)

Maybe if we stop glorifying all this war service horseshit we can move forward about who really pays the biggest price for living in this downsliding -drug and alcohol depleted -academic failing - shopping mall -earth destroying -ignorant society -fueled by hypocritic -ignorant -power needy politicians and religious leaders and assorted other control freaks and banboozlers..

Pipick calls New Yorkers Pussies

A record-breaking heat wave tightened its grip on New York City on Tuesday, as triple-digit temperatures tested Consolidated Edison’s power supply, threatened the health of the elderly, and tried the patience and resilience of anyone who dared to venture outside.


With the temperature reaching 103 degrees in Central Park at 3:11 p.m., breaking the former record high of 101 degrees for the day set in 1999, Con Edison officials braced for the greatest demand for power they had ever had.

Dr.Moishe Pipick -head engineer for the city's electrical infrastructure called New Yorkers a bunch of pampered pussies today at a City Hall press conference:

"Today it is a mild 115 degrees in Bahgdad with 100% humidity -and virtyually zero air conditioning and minimal water for drinking and none for bathing"

He continued; "They have crappy plumbing and hardly any toilet paper -the woman have to wear heavy dark Burkas -and the men just sit around sweating and drinking tons of hot coffee"

He went on "At any moment anywhere some lunatic might blow up the whole neighborhood -and our Marines are walking around among this happy go lucky populace with 70 pounds of gear on them -sweating their balls off"

Dr. Pipick concluded: "So you spoiled fucking pampered New Yorkers should just go sit in the park and count your blessings"

Better World If British Won The American Revolution

Watching the bourgoise elitists and redneck morons and just plain stupid and greedy folks who comprise the Tea Party gang - it started me thinkin about the original Tea Party and the American Revolution -and i realized with great dismay that it would be a much better World if the British had won:

The common folk in the present UK are like Rocket Scientists compared to the commoners in the USA! They watch the BBC and are mostly non religious or Church of England which is like being a Buddhist compared to an American Christian.

-AND the Brits don't feel the need to own vaults filled with guns or to kill beautiful animals for a thrill. (even the British cops don't carry guns.


And - the Clergy are are MARRIED! - Reverends and Pastors don't sodomize children (they sodomize their wives like normal people do)
In The UK they have a House of Lords that knows the Common folk are assholes -and they are not ashamed to say so.

They also have a House of Commons where the people's representatives act like common assholes and are expected to by the asshole people -Who then get EXACTLY what they need and desrve,

They also have a Queen! - How fucking cool is that -AND as a result all the Gays are happy.

Oh -and without a whole lot of loony religious conservatives - you don't have debates about whether Darwin was an Atheist Jew lover and Creationism should be taught in schools -or whether a Zygote is a human being - and how God said in the bible that gays were Vermin (and all that other lovey dovey Scripture stuff)

AND AND AND -if The British HAD won the war with us - They would have been strong enough to maintain the British Empire:

Hence - NO First or Second World War (Germany wouldn't have said boo with a powerful British Empire standing in their way -AND no USSR and no cold war. (i estimate the savings in loss of life alone - at around two hundred million.)

AND best of all would have been (second only to the non emergence of those American Tea Bag morons):

When you called a customer service department for help with ANY product or service -Instead of getting "Hellooo Dees is Dakta in Mombay Ken i help Voooo?"

You would hear "Ello Mate -Gotta bit ov a problem have yeh? - well you just hold on Gov - an we will fix er right up!"

So -fuck George Washington and ALL The Founding fathers -

They screwed us Royally!

Fuck The Fourth!

God Wants Blood Sacrifices You Redneck Morons

Read this and pray that if there is a God he will wipe out the Deep South once and for all -and we can begin to settle homo sapiens there -and start over fresh.


After the singing of the opening hymn, “Ring the Bells of Heaven,” and the announcement that an engaged couple was now registered at Wal-Mart, the preacher read aloud a proclamation from Gov. Bob Riley that declared this to be a “day of prayer” — a day of entreaties to address the ominous threat to the way of life just outside the church’s white doors.

Whereas, and whereas, and whereas, the proclamation read. People of Alabama, please pray for your fellow citizens, for other states hurt by this disaster, for all those who are responding. And pray “that a solution that stops the oil leak is completed soon.”

In other words, dear God, thank you for your blessings and guidance. And one other thing, dear God:

Help.

The governor’s words hung a moment in the fan-turned air. Then the preacher, Shawn Major, summoned the men of the church to the front to “ask God to do something special.”

Two dozen men, many of them wearing short-sleeve shirts in summery colors, knelt and sat with heads bowed and eyes closed, while a half-mile down the street, other men — and women — underwent training in the use of a more secular form of hope, the laying of boom.

The wall between church and state came a-tumbling down on Sunday, as elected leaders from the five states on the Gulf of Mexico issued proclamations declaring it to be a day of prayer. Although days of prayer are not uncommon here — Governor Riley declared one asking for rain to relieve a drought a few years ago — these proclamations conveyed the sense that at this late date, salvation from the spill all but requires divine intervention.

Fox Announces --'Deadliest Snatch" Will Join Fall Reality Line-UP

It looks like Fox has outfoxed the competition with a show which has a huge built-in buzz generator with it's name association to one of TVs hottest reality shows .

Mike (darling) Darnell head of Fox TV said today; "Well every network is looking for their version of "Deadliest Catch" in the danger/action reality genre --so we looked for something that might be extremely dangerous but not locked to physical action"

"I mean -- there is no action like "Snatch Action" --but let's be real --it's what the Snatch does to your brain that makes it so dangerous!"

"I mean --if you fall off a boat fishing for giant crabs chances are you will get real cold --but from what i can see there's less danger of actual injury on those boats than befalls a NYC garbage man -- statistically speaking that is"

Mike continued vehemently; " But a "Deadly Snatch" can fuck up your whole life in an instant dude! -- i mean ,if you get hooked up with a major "Deadly Snatch" you will pray to God that you fall off a boat in one-hundred foot waves and drown!"

'I mean; " Most guys would rather fall asleep in the giant crab storage locker and be eaten alive -- than get eaten up inside by a really "Deadly Snatch!"

"I mean - I know guys who have been attacked by snatch so deadly that they ripped off their own nuts and dicks with a pliers."

He continued; "Trust me i know --there is snatch that is so deadly out here in Los Angeles that you will pray that a giant crab rips your nuts off and you bleed to death slowly -- alone on the beach in Venice -- rather than get consumed by it!"

"And -- we are going to show the most "Deadliest Snatch" we can find on this show and all the vicious action and trauma that goes with it -- and it's not gonna be pretty - just pretty damn deadly"

Stay tuned -- and hide the kids and old folks! --and if we can save just one viewer from a "Deadly Snatch" attack -- i can die in peace"

But when Mike --when already?

BP Stations Selling Polluted Gulf Oil

Herman Gottlieb had just filled up at the local BP station in Aliquippa ,Ohio when his car started to sputter and stalled.

He said:"I got out and noticed there were feathers coming out of my exhaust pipe -AND -when i stuck my fingers up there i found three dead shrimp"

He comtinued: "And then it dawned on me -Those Mother Fucking British assholes are refining that gulf oil and are now selling us gas from the Gulf oil spill!"

Tony Heyward CEO of BP said: "I will look into that as soon as i finish my colon cleansing regimen this evening -BUT - in any case we have to get a handle on the situation"

He concluded: "Even if the recycled oil can be refined into gas -I doubt if the dead Marine life components will be combustion friendly"

BP Stations Selling Polluted Gulf Oil

Herman Gottlieb had just filled up at the local BP station in Aliquippa ,Ohio when his car started to sputter and stalled.

He said:"I got out and noticed there were feathers coming out of my exhaust pipe -AND -when i stuck my fingers up there i found three dead shrimp"

He comtinued: "And then it dawned on me -Those Mother Fucking British assholes are refining that gulf oil and are now selling us gas from the Gulf oil spill!"

Tony Heyward CEO of BP said: "I will look into that as soon as i finish my colon cleansing regimen this evening -BUT - in any case we have to get a handle on the situation"

He concluded: "Even if the recycled oil can be refined into gas -I doubt if the dead Marine life components will be combustion friendly"

Fox Tv Announces “Ten Drunken Dwarfs Farting”

“I can’t take credit for this hot new addition to our summer reality line-up” said Fox TV pres. Mike Schlocknell.

“This sure fire hit is the brain child of our very own Rupert Murdoch” he said at a press conference in LA today “You know – “Rup has always maintained that if you did a whole show with nothing but Dwarfs sittin around drinking and getting loaded –and farting” “You’ll have a hit TV show Schlocknell!”

“So – we did some focus groups and sure enough Rup was absolutely right – folks were peeing in their pants –and we should have trusted Rup’s instincts from the get go –because if anyone has a feel for this shit –it’s Rup!”

“Isn’t the preferred term these days Little People - won’t they and the audience be offended by the word “Dwarfs?” asked digibandit Hollywood bureau chief –Elise Mandelbaum.

“Nope!” said Schlocknell - “ Rupe was very clear about that and he told me; “Mike – we don’t want ANY Little Folks! - Make sure you use ONLY dwarfs!”

“Are they gonna have a focus to their drunken fart laden commentary?” asked Mandelbaum.

“Oh yeah!” answered Schlocknell – the theme for the first thirteen shows is “ Obama Is Acting Like A? ” – like “President Obama is Acting Like a Baby” - Or he’s acting like a Spoiled Black Kid - Or He’s Acting Like a Muslim” -You get the idea Elise dontcha? -All that crybaby flap he voiced about Fox news!”

“Yeah –that Ruppert Murdoch sure is a creative character –he’s even more creative than you are Mike!”

“Well Elise” – he replied -“The Jews don’t have ALL the creativity around here” (off microphone -“But you sure have got great tits!”)

First Father's Day Began With A Blow Stick

Historians have recorded that there was a tradition to celebrate Father's Day even thousands of years ago. Their study say that 4,000 years ago in Babylon a son called Elmesu carved a father's day message on a clay card. In his message Elmesu wished his father a long and healthy life. There is no knowledge as to what happened to this father son duo but it is believed that several countries retained the custom of celebrating Father's Day.

Well - if you believe that i have a nice cabin in Kyrgestan i can sell you cheap.

About 60 thousand years ago after eons of men shtupping anything that moved and then moving on -like:

"So what you have a little one -what's that got to do with MY shtupping -and anyway -how does shtupping result in that little one? Go prove it (ancestor to first Jewish lawyer?)"

See -the cause and effect of shtupping resulting in a child -let alone YOUR child - was not figured out yet.

Well one day this cave woman Mildred tries something original and sneaks into the cave where Oorgy her main shtupper was sleeping and she gives him a present that the Tribal Witch and Healer - Esther Pipick - told her about:

A blow stick! - Which no one had dared tried before except Odin who blew stick the wrong guy and wound up with his skull bashed in -anyway -back to Mildred and Oorgy and Esther Pipick the Witch.

See -Esther had first discovered the blow stick when one night she was blowing on a stick with meat on it to cool it off -and being a witch she came up with the concept for the First blow JOB when Oorgy - sitting across from her at the fire ring - reacted to her blowing on the stick by having HIS weiner stick protrude out of his loincloth by ten inches ( see-HE didn't know why but Esther put stick and dick together right away.

WELL -when Oorgy comes too after his blow stick experience -he says "Holy shit Mildred -what the fuck was that? -I want more!"

And Mildred says "Well you gave me a baby from your shtupping and THAT was your Father's Day gift"

And Oorgy replied "Oh yeah! -that's MY son allright -he's a beauty -strong and so smart -and well hung just like me -and i can't wait until NEXT Father's day"

Unfortunately with the taming of men and the rise of Christianity and sin and it's residual sexual repression - Material gifts were gradually substituted for the blow jobs by many women hence precipitating the rise in divorce and subsequent breakdown of the traditional family unit.

So you see how that first blow stick evolved into the Father's Day we celebrate today -AND - to this very day there are women who give one or less blow jobs a year -Just like Mildred.

So today let's have a moment of silence for all those fathers who will get a tie instead of a blow job.

AND give a big hip hip hooray to all those gals to whom a blow job is just another day -like a walk in the park.

But most of all a big hat's off to Esther Pipick The Witch and her first pupil --Mildred -and to Oorgy -First father and blow stick recipient.

Japs would Eat Their Mothers if They Had Fins

YOKOHAMA, Japan — “The Cove,” an Oscar-winning documentary about dolphin hunting in Japan, would seem to be a natural fit for movie theaters here, but so far the distributor has yet to find a single one that will screen the film.

Related

Times Topics: Japan

The New York Times

Many of the scenes in “The Cove” were filmed in Taiji.

And if Shuhei Nishimura and his compatriots on Japan’s nationalist fringe have their way, none ever will.

In a country that shudders at disharmony and remains wary of the far right’s violent history, the activists’ noisy rallies, online slanders, intimidating phone calls and veiled threats of violence are frightening theaters into canceling showings of “The Cove,” which not only depicts dolphin hunting in an unflattering light but also warns of high levels of mercury in fish, a disturbing disclosure in this seafood-loving nation.

DR. Moishe Pipick head of the World Marine Life Institute in Berne ,Switzerland said today:

"The Japs think that eating sea food will make them taller and give them Caucasian sized weiners -So -they are slowly but surely destroying many species of Ocean fish and mammals -including endangered whales and tuna and swordfish"

Dr.Pipick then answered an obvious question -" "Huh!Oh yes -the women? - They think sea food will enlarge their breasts so they can attract those big Caucasian weiners"

MOST POPULAR

• E-MAILED
• BLOGGED
• SEARCHED
• VIEWED

1. ‘Catios’ Bring Cats Outdoors
2. Affordable Boutique Hotels in New York City
3. Creative Types, Learning to Be Business-Minded
4. Next Stop: An Italian Beauty Without Foreign Suitors
5. The New Poor: Peddling Relief, Firms Put Debtors in Deeper Hole
6. Paul Krugman: That ’30s Feeling
7. Well: Eating Brown Rice to Cut Diabetes Risk
8. Op-Ed Contributor: Is There a Nurse in the House?
9. Plus-Size Revelation: Big Women Have Cash, Too
10. 36 Hours in Bordeaux, France

Go to Complete List »

ADVERTISEMENTS

Louisiana Chef Cooks With BP Oil

Master Chef Moishe Pipick -owner of the famous Chez Pipick on Bourbon Street is packing them in with his revolutionary new menu which uses oil from the BP spill to create delicious meals.

Chef Pipick said today: "I started out by experimenting with shrimp that had been contaminated by the oil -and Voila! -I sauteed the shrimp with cayenne pepper and a special secret balsamic vinegar sauce and my customers went wild for it"

Digibandit restaurant and food reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked the chef: "Weren't you afraid of folks getting sick from the oil?"

"No No!" said Chef Pipick; "Louisianan's have caste iron stomachs -they can eat a shit based boulliabase with enough hot sauce on it to choke a Mexican - with no problems whatsoever"

The Chef continued: "So - next - i experimented with oil soaked clams and mussels and they were delicious and people went crazy for them -and i ran out in two days"

"Next i developed an oil soaked fish stew with fennel and tomatoe sauce and i can't handle the demand I'm getting!"

Pipick went on: "Right now there are dozens of fishing boats working with me to catch oil coated fish and mollusks for my expanding BP enriched menu -AND:

"I have even developed an oil soaked Roast Duck entree' with peppercorns -AND if that goes over the way i think it will:

"Voila -oil enriched -braised Brown Pelican in a rich wine and cognac based gravy -and i am also experimenting with a stuffed oily Lobster vinagrette"

Elise Mandelbaum queried Chef Pippick' "Have your ingredients been approved by the FDA?"

"Hah1 Hah! Elise -you have nice breasts but you don't know how things work in Louisiana"

Female Frigidity Pill Unecessary says Dr. Moishe Pipick

Ever since Viagra met blockbuster success in 1998, the drug industry has sought a similar pill for women.

An image on the Boehringer Web site about depressed sexual desire.

Enlarge This Image

David Goldman/AP Images for Society for Women's Health Research

Dr. Laura Berman, left, a sex therapist, with Lisa Rinna.

Readers' Comments

Readers shared their thoughts on this article.

• Read All Comments (273) »

Now, a German drug giant says it has stumbled upon such a pill and is trying to persuade the Food and Drug Administrationthat its drug can help restore a depressed female sex drive. The effort has set off a debate over what constitutes a normal range of sexual desire among women, with critics saying the company is trying to turn a low libido into a medical pathology

Dr. Moishe Pipick, a psychologist and professor at New York University who has researched the topic of female sexual desire for more than a decade and plans to testify to the F.D.A. panel on Friday, said Boehringer had gone too far with its publicity effort.

“Women’s sex lives are often a struggle, a disappointment, an archipelago of regret,” he said. “Is there a small group of women who could benefit from medical intervention — probably.”

But he said that if the drug were approved, he worried that “the much larger group of women without any medical reason for their sexual distress -but who are married to fat ugly ignorant redneck men and devout Christians - will inevitably be misinformed and misled into thinking that there is a pill that can get them the sex life they read about, the one they think everyone else is having.”

Dr. Pipick went on:"While many experts say that unlike sexual dysfunction in men — which has an obvious physical component —sexual problems in women are much harder to diagnose. And among doctors and researchers, there is serious medical debate over whether female sexual problems are treatable with drugs. Some doctors advocate psychotherapy or counseling, while others have prescribed hormonal drugs approved for other uses."

Pipick stated: :There is also debate over how widespread hypoactive sexual desire disorder actually is among women. -But in my forty years of analyzing what i call "Frigid Women":

:The solution is for them to find a successful Jewish man and have some Chinese take out -and two or three martinis -and watch some porno -and eat some dark chocolate "

"And -let nature take it's course"

The Digibandit: In LA It's Mexican Kosher Deli Shock

The Digibandit: In LA It's Mexican Kosher Deli Shock

In LA It's Mexican Kosher Deli Shock

So I'm in LA and my son says "Hey Pops- How about a nice Corned Beef on rye -we're right near a famous LA kosher deli"

I says "Go on -I'm used to getting my corned beef and pastrami sandwiches at Katz' on West Houston street in NYC - you gotta be kidding! -Kosher deli in LA -That's an oxymoron"

Lee replies; "No way -Jerry's in Marina Del Ray has authentic NY caliber - max out artery clogging cold cuts on Jewish rye that will put lead in your old pencil -guaranteed!"

So here we are at Jerry's and i have just ordered a corned beef on rye from -get this - from a Mexican deli man.

Now just for the record -my position on cross border immigration is -"C'mon in! - EVERY Mexican illegal or illegal -in my opinion -is ten times the human being than all the white Americans living outside the blue states -AND i would prefer living next to a Mexican gang banger than any religious Christian or rich wasp"

BUT - i do not want to order a Corned beef on Rye from one of them -it's like putting mayo on a Brisket sandwich (which my son just ordered -and he is now officially out of my will.)

Oh -and when i asked Luis for some kosher garlic dills he informed me that he never heard of them -I was waiting for him to ask me if i would like some jalepenos instead (in which case i would have called immigration)

My son said -"Oh poppy -you are an old fashioned Jew!"

SO! -LA has turned my son into an anti-semite -and is basically transforming authentic corned beef and pastrami and brisket and salami sandwiches -Kosher Deli et. al -into Jewish Burritos.

Oh -and my skinny -virtually fat free Corned Beef sandwich tasted like crap!

Fuck Jerry's!

Best Torture For Muslim Extremists - Nagging American Wives

Muslims treat their women like Korean's treat dogs! - As a result they have NO idea how viscious a nagging wife can be -especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife"(i don't include girlfriend nagging (just as viscious) because Muslims don't have girlfriends - that would imply courtship and options for the women)

So - you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."

Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:

"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been -I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.

You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less? Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even;

"Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andthat would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.

How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......

"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.

C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.

Fox Announces "Desperate Gulf Coast Women"

Mike (the midget) Darnhell -Prexy of Fox Reality Tv said today:

"Those redneck hottie housewives down in the Gulf Coast and Florida Panhandle have always been on our minds in terms of a "Desperate Housewives" type program -But - now! -It's just gotta happen!"

He went on: "These women will fuck a snake while their hubbies are out catching crawfish or alligators or pelicans or whatever USED to swim out in those waters - under pre BP conditions (we like to say BBP or ABP -kinda gives it a biblical twist) --heh heh heh!"

Darnhell continued; "But now with their kids using tar balls for beach toys and their husbands broke and shitfaced all the time --the whole place is like one big housewife whorehouse!"

"Anyway the show is gonna be kickass powerful -and it's not just about these "Oil Widows" heh heh - i thought up that one:

"This show is gonna exhibit the deep down cultural impact of an Oil Spill on the sexual habits of horny redneck housewives AND their oily families"

He concluded; "Here at Fox TV we care about the environment and all them destroyed critters and all that hot oil -But -let's never forget:

"The Desperate Gulf Coast Housewives" -and THEIR Hot OIl!"

New Study Finds That Hunters Have Tiny Penis'

For years psychiatrists and psychologists and cognitive neurologists have tried to understand how human males can enjoy destroying wildlife.

"Blasting away at beautiful creatures -- and enjoying the susequent pain and destruction of sentient creatures for no absolute necessity, has always baffled .us" said Mathew Pinsker,national director of Research into Morons (or RIM).

RIM has now conclusively documented that animal killers are driven to compensate for a lack of complete "Manhood"

Make Abortion Legal Up To Five Years Old

Thursday, June 03, 2010

At least 13 other states have introduced or passed legislation this year.

The new laws are the religious cookoo's latest attempts to make the big tooth fairy (God) in the sky happy

New laws range from an Arizona ban on coverage of abortion in the state employees’ health plan toa ban in Nebraska on all abortions after 20 weeks, on the grounds that the fetus at that stage can feel pain.

I mean my geraniums experience more reflexive pain when i prune them than a fetus

And by the time a kid is five years old and raised in a cookoo religious environment -we are talking about a LIFETIME of pain for them and all of us -and the future fetus' they will generate - so:

Let's just send them out for euthenizing and Then they can go peacefully up to Heaven and have fun with the Angels --and leave their redneck parents more time for drinking and hunting and kicking the shit out of each other -and their dogs and remaining siblings.

Oh - but the wonderful irony is that when the rednecks pass all these laws and stop black teenagers from aborting their future criminals -they will need to buy a lot more ammo and send all their daughters to Denmark.

Israel Should Just Torpedo Blockade Runners

And then pick up the survivoes and throw them in dark cells and then torture them.

That's what would happen in any of the BAD places on Earth where crimes against humanity of demonic horror are being perpetrated in places like:

North Korea and Iran and The Congo and Sudan and Chechnya - and Most of Africa - and laos and Myannamar and more than half the countries in the world that are rated as horror chambers by the UN .

Israel is like Sweden compared to 90% of the world's slaughterhouses -And that is why the Jew hating radicals and misdirected peacenicks are not afraid of being arrested there,

I mean -where would YOU like to be arrested? -Turkey? China? Iran? Syria? North Korea? South Carolina or Texas?

Or Israel?

So go fuck with the Jews who are fighting maniac Moslems 24/7 -You can go get away from your crappy life and become validated as a hero.

But go fuck with some REALLY bad actors who make the Israeli Palestine mess look like a Garden Party:

And you won't be deported -you'll be gang raped and just dissapear -forever.

Poor - Fat - Velveeta Eaters Should be Profiled

Forget profiling illegals you Arizonan's! -A new study by the The National Research Institute has conclusively determined that :

"Folks who are poor and fat and eat Velveeta cheese - represent most of the social dysfunction in our society" -said Dr. Moishe Pipick -The Research Institutes president today - from their worldwide headquarters in Berne, Switzerland.

Dr Pipick related the studies key findings as follows:

"These folks commit 38% more misdemeanors - 28% more felonious assaults -56% more incidents of spousal and child abuse - and 78% of the men own guns and are avid hunters and have IQ levels that are grossly marginal."

"Furthermore" - he went on - "88% are white conservative Christians - 95% have seen a UFO and believe in Creationism - 46% live in the deep south or Texas - and over 72% have never experienced oral sex and have sex (with humans) less than eight times a year"

"And as suspected" -- He stated - "84% are alcoholics and drug users and regularly listen to Rush Limbaugh -and are in the lower 5% socio economic range"

Dr. Pipick concluded "So it's vividly apparent that our social profiling attention should be directed at Poor -Fat -Velveeta cheese eaters."

"Forget the illegals and Muslims!"

Breakfast for Champions -- At A Hollywood 7/11

"Good morning mam" --i says to the 250 pound plus black woman who is petting my dog while she waits for Jose to ring up her breakfast order at the seven eleven on the corner of Sunset and La Brea.

"Good mornin to you and that's a fine lookin dog you got there!" -- at which point Jose yells something at me that ends in "pero" so i figure i better tie up Liza outside and the LAPD officer getting his free coffee is now looking at me like he was back having fun in the Mac Arthur park melee --beating on the heads of Latinos with his nightstick.

Back inside, the fat black woman is finishing her transaction -- which was delayed by her additional purchase of the Daily Globe tabloid, "Oh my can you imagine that poor Japanese woman who gave birth to a giant Squid!" -- i just don't know where this global warming is a heading?"

"Do you always read the Globe ?" i inquired. -- "Well it's a bit pricey but it sure keeps me informed! I usually scan it to stay up with things but when you see a story like this Squid business? --i just gotta have it to show the family. "

Jose tallys up her order ; -- California lottery and three "One hundred thousand instant 'American Idol Jackpot Cards ' -- four healthy breakfast bars for the kids (two lemon and two blueberry pies for maximum nutrition) -- two red bulls and one coke (important for the kiddies to drink plenty of liquids) -- a pack of Kool lights and two extra large coffees with about twelve packets of sugar and an equal amount of that cremola stuff that you can also use to make napalm. (plus the tabloid.)

Total order amount is $18.75 -- as a percent of her total family take home pay i figure it is the equivalent of the average middle -class woman spending $72 on breakfast for herself and two kids! -- It is also enough to buy enough nutritious groceries for a family of four for two whole days (on a tight budget).

And by the time our lovely woman's kids get to school they will have ingested enough sugar and chemicals to put their young brains into "school is an action video game" mode -- She would have been much better off giving the kids some downers and a glass of milk (total cost on Medicaid - 75 cents) --much healthier and greatly appreciated by the teacher and fellow students.

And --that would leave her with enough money left over to buy twelve additional Lottery Jackpot cards -- increasing her odds of winning from one in 400 million two one in three hundred million.

You know, when it comes to raising a family in these days of global competition -- it's all about resource management -- effective planning -- and quality education!

"Have a nice day mam" -- "Oh and you too!" she says -- "And you take care of that fine dog -- and why don't you get her some of that beef jerky over there --my kids just love it!"

I'm moving to Cuba!

Roaring Virile Fire -Orgy King of China

In public a computer science professor dedicated to his students and to caring for an elderly mother who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease.

Enlarge This Image

Associated Press

Ma Yaohai, 53, was sentenced on Thursday to three-and-a-half years in prison for being a member of clubs that practiced group sex and partner swapping.

In private, the professor, Ma Yaohai, 53, led a life that became intolerable to Chinese authorities: for the past six years, he was a member of informal swingers clubs that practiced group sex and partner swapping. In online chat rooms, his handle was Roaring Virile Fire. He organized and engaged in at least 18 orgies, most of them in the two-bedroom apartment in Nanjing where he lived with his mother, according to prosecutors.

On Thursday, a court sentenced the randy Mr. Ma to three and a half years in prison, a severe penalty for a crime that the Chinese government calls “crowd licentiousness.” Mr. Ma, now China’s most famous swinger, remains defiant and plans to appeal, saying his sex life is his own business, not subject to the law as long as he causes no social disturbance, according to his lawyer, Yao Yong’an.

“Privacy needs to be protected,” Mr. Yao said in an interview.

The case of Mr. Ma, who was arrested in August and went on trial last month, has drawn attention across China not only for its titillating details, but also because it raises questions about an authoritarian government’s attempts to curb sexual freedom and limit privacy in a society where rapid economic growth and the ubiquity of the Internet have upended traditional values.

Brothels — often thinly disguised as hair salons or massage parlors — and shops selling sex toys proliferate across cities and even in many villages, and premarital sex is common among young couples.

Tens of thousands of Chinese engage in swinging (or partner swapping, which is a more direct translation of the relevant Chinese term), according to Li Yinhe, China’s most prominent sexologist. One Web site, Happy Village, has a chat forum openly dedicated to swinging.

In an interview with Chinese reporters after his arrest, Mr. Ma, a slim man with an angular face and black-rimmed glasses, defended his lifestyle.

“Marriage is like water,” he said. “You have to drink it. Swinging is like wine. Some people feel it’s delicious the first time they try it, so they keep drinking. Some people try it and think it tastes bad, so they never drink it again. It’s completely voluntary. No one is forcing you.”

Mullah Educated vs. Harvard Educated

Here's a comparison between the education philosophies at Harvard and the local Fundamentalist leadership school

One strives to humanize -the other to breed ignorant intolerant robots

Academics

Learning at Harvard

Harvard College offers academic opportunities to its students that are virtually unsurpassed at American universities. Courses taught by world-class scholars are available on topics that span the globe, cover the latest scientific discoveries, delve deeply into the realms of art and culture and into the past. Harvard College students pursue knowledge both broadly and in depth, intellectually tasting a range of important topics and approaches to human knowledge while they also undertake advanced work within a special area of concentration.

The Faculty's departmental structure supports programs that guide concentrators from their first introduction to a field to greater levels of sophistication, while a number of other academic programs support Harvard students’ broader educational needs and specialized academic opportunities. Students negotiate the array of academic offerings with the help of an extensive advising system that is offered through the concentrations and in the residences, and that addresses student concerns from the most routine administrative questions to questions about shaping academic programs that are right for an individual student's needs. Many non-curricular resources are available that help translate our students' goals into reality.

The recently completed Harvard College Curricular Review has resulted in innovations and advances in a number of academic areas: the Program in General Education replaces the thirty-year-old Core Curriculum with new courses and innovative pedagogies; expanded opportunities now exist for students to study abroad, to conduct research with a faculty member, and to take small seminars in the first year; changes to the language requirement allow more flexibility in the first year; secondary fields offer the opportunity for guided coursework in a field outside the concentration. Additional information on innovations, and more, can be found in the various departments and programs linked on this website.

Ideally, a trained Mullah will have studied Islamic traditions (hadith), and Islamic law (fiqh). They are often hafiz, i.e. have memorized the Qur'an. However, uneducated villagers often recognise a literate Muslim with a less than complete Islamic training as their "mullah" or religious cleric. Mullahs with varying levels of training lead prayers in mosques, deliver religious sermons, and perform religious ceremonies such as birth rites and funeral services. They also often teach in a type of Islamic school known as amadrasah. Aspiring students training to become mullahs in the Shia tradition (particularly Iran) are generally called Ayatollah, or (plural)Ayatollahs. This triumvirate of knowledge is applied mostly in interpreting Islamic texts (ie. theQuran, Hadiths, etc.) for matters of Shariah, ie Islamic law. Mullah's are often shown in western media as being extreme; it can be agreed that every muslim differs in the strenuousness of his/her practice, and belief in the teachings of Islam

Homo's Demonstrate In Support Of The Pope

VATICAN CITY – More than 100,000 Homos filled St. Peter's Square on Sunday in a major show of support for Pope Benedict XVI over the clerical sex abuse scandal.

Benedict said he was comforted by such a "beautiful and spontaneous show of faith and solidarityfrom the Homo community who now make up forty % of all ordained Priests"

And again denounced what he called "No bigga thing -whatsa the matta? -The press is outa to get us!""

Estimates from Vatican police, the Vatican press

office said 150,000 people had turned out for the demonstration organized by an association of 68 Italian gay groups.

Despite a drizzling rain, the balloon- and banner-toting faithful from around Italy overflowed from the piazza; banners hung up on Bernini's colonnade encircling the piazza read "Together with the pope," and "Don't be afraid, Jesus was a Homo too."

"We are here to show both to other people and to ourselves our solidarity with the church in this difficult time," said Simone Pleticos, a 24-year-old homo student who traveled from Milan for the occasion.

Such large crowds are usually reserved for major holiday Masses and canonizations, not for Benedict's brief, 10-minute Sunday blessings from his studio window. The crowd interrupted Benedict frequently with applause and shouts of

"BenedettoIssa "The Fruita Popa"!" and the pontiff himself strayed from his prepared remarks to thank them again and again and bent over to show his asshole".

"Thank you for your presence and trust," he said. "All of gay Italy is here."

"Hunter Gatherer Diet" Endorsed By FDA

Dr.Moishe Pipick -head of Nutrition for the Unites States FDA -and President Obama's go to guy on ALL things nutrition -announced today at a White House press conference:

"Hunter Gatherer's were the strongest and healthiest humans in the history of Evolution!

BUT - today's shitty general mental health and physical health is a by product of diets designed by Homo's and Buddhists (thin maybe - but fucking weak and miserable)

"AND the epidemic of obesity (which is so severe that blacks and rednecks who are the mainstay of those willing to kill or get killed for almost any reason Uncle Sam cooks up) Are now mostly human garbage dumps!"

"A four star General told Obama last week that within five years we wouldn't be able to fight Norway with the shape our Blacks and Southern cannon fodder are in"

Dr. Pipick continued: "If a Hunter Gatherer woke up and ate some fruit and whole grain cereal and then set forth with his tribe on a Mammoth Hunt -- They would give him a dress to wear and a basket of flowers"

He went on: "Twenty thousand years ago a decent breakfast was two Musk Ox eye balls floating in Beaver fat -and a freshly roasted Caribou liver"

"I mean -these guys weren't heading out to a Yoga class and then sitting at a desk all day -The average new age male couldn't even lift the clubs those guys carried -and today's fast food fat teenagers would be turned over to the Priests as temple slaves (for dusk till dawn corn holing)"

Pipick continued: "Anyway -the diet that kept the Hunter gatherer's in shape for survival back then - we have found out through exhaustive testing - IS STILL the perfect diet regimen for today's men (no info is yet available regarding women who pretty much ate leftovers )

"It is a diet rich in fatty Meats - Lots of organs,especially hearts livers and testacles -Beer brewed from bark and grass -and no noshing after dark -except on the person next to you"

No nuts or fruit of any kind except during famines --ALL grains should be only eaten by slaves and homos - NO Juice except fresh squeezed from raw meat(which is a good source of anti oxidents ) -And for Gods sake forget about fish oil and that crap!! (Try Hunting a Sabre Toothed Tiger with the runs "

"Our Hunter Gatherer forefathers knew what to eat and were happy and long lived"

"OH" said Dr. Pipick: "And they weren't pussy wupped either -Obama told me that since he has switched to The Hunter Gatherer Diet -He takes NO shit from Michelle!"

Fox TV Announces "Fruit Camp"

Mike Darnhell -Head of Fox Reality TV announced today:

"Well here comes another winner from Fox with positive social benefits too boot."

"Fruit Camp" takes place on a beautiful Atoll in the Carribean Sea near Bimini -and the "Fruits" are the gays who will be participating in this Fruit (Boot Camp) we're they will go through the painful process of "Cumming Out" (oops a pun)

He continued: "Some of my staff wanted to call it "Coming Out Boot Camp" -but as soon as i said Nah! -It's really a "Fruit Camp" -They all said i was right as usual"

"Anyway - The Camp will provide the "Fruits" with a chance to break away from their "Straight" jackets of heterosexuality in the most comfortable and fun environment possible - and in a very TV friendly atmosphere"

Mike went on: "There's gonna be a lotta partying and celebration and we have stocked up on lubricants and rubber gloves and Gerbils and that kinda stuff -and there will be a medical team on the island -and oversight provided by the Fox "Safe Sex Police"

He concluded: "And -we will have Priests with the production team who will give Confession -and of course stick around for the late night cornholing"

Fox does it again!