Who Was The First Mother?

IT'S MOM'S DAY again AND MY WEIRD MIND IS THINKING ABOUT THE FIRST MAN AND WOMAN WHO BLUNDERED INTO A SEXUAL UNION -- CULMINATING NINE MONTHS LATER IN THE "EARTH'S FIRST MOTHER." (AND SUBSEQUENT FIRST MOTHER'S DAY)

Now if your a member of the Adam and Eve crowd or you still believe in the tooth fairy and a personal god please stop reading -- you are delusional and have better things to do -- like seeing a Doctor.

But for those of us who like to ponder weird shit it might be fun to consider how that first sexual union occurred?

A big burly apish hominid has woken up in great discomfort because his penis is throbbing against a stone on the bare earth with some leaves and moss on it -- the forerunner of the sealy posturepedic mattress. "Oye vey!" he groans, and awakens the guy next to him -- who he doesn't realize is actually a female. She looks exactly like him but with a different chest and a different genitalia arrangement -- but since no one understood anything back then there was no reason for alarm -- only wonderment. (lucky them)

The unbeknownst female called Tzitsckas (the strange chested one) Say's; "Vooz machsta (what's up) Oorgy?" To which Oorgy replied; "Mine shticklach es grovnen!(my stick is growing).

To which the soon to be first impregnated female replies; " Ach mine tuchas ess grovnen shticklaken" (oh shit - it's growing into a big stick!)

And standing up and saying words in the ancient cave Yiddish that have echoed down through the eons -- i said them myself only last week (and i translate) "Stand back Tzitsckas --i don't know how big this will get."

And -- at an engorged thirteen inches it slowed,and finally stopped at sixteen inches. (a phsical trait which only exists today in black athletes).

Well here's where Genetics and DNA took over, as Tzitsckas cried out! And i'm using the original cave Yiddish here to emphasize and honor the Ancient request that men have been hearing, from women. for over three hundred thousand years in thousands of languages: -- but this was the first time! -- "Oh Oorgy , ich nam so hornen ples shticken ein huge lognin ent me !" (Oh Oorgy, i'm so horny -please stick your huge stick ( later becomes 'Dick') -- in me"

And when Oorg climaxed he let out a thunderous cry across the Tundra -- "Whoopee" (the ancient origin of the word pussy which evolved from '"oopee" to "pooshme"to '"pussy woopee" to finally "pussy wipped' and 'pussy"

Well,nine months later Oorg and Tzitsckas had a twenty two pond baby boy they named Irving (the first Jew) --and one year later celebrated the Earth's -- first Mother's Day.

And for those of you who are wondering where Oorg and Tzitsckas came from and why this whole chain of events didn't register earlier wih THEIR births and their parents etc. -- well how the the fuck would i know !

Maybe they were too high or too dumb? But one things for sure -- Oorg and Tzitsckas were the first ones to do it -- and to REMEMBER what they did.

Happy Mother's Day!

"Out With A Bang!" Plan Endorsed By AARP

DR.MOISHE PIPICK - PRESIDENT OF THE AARP (ALMOST ALIVE RETIRED PEOPLE) -WHICH COVERS 68% OF ALL SENIORS -ANNOUNCED TODAY:

“Everyone sees it but no one wants to talk about About $67 billion — nearly a third of the money spent by Medicare — goes to patients in the last two years of life. The need to spend less money at the end of life “is the elephant in the room,” Evan Thomas wrote in “The Case for Killing Granny,” the cover story in last week’s Newsweek. “Everyone sees it but no one wants to talk about

Dr. Pipick continued: "Under the 'Go Out With A Bang!" plan - If you have less than three years to live - -THen - instead of wasting away and being shlepped from one test and one Doctor to another -and then finally and inevitably expiring with your loved ones broke while watching you turn into a dead cabbage roll:

"You can "Go Out With A Bang" - Yep -we'll give you a cash payment (twenty percent of what your treatment would have been) and ALL the drugs and/or booze you want - including synthetic Viagra which will turn your libido back 50 years -AND then you have access to all the Male and/or Female hookers you desire until the deal terminates!

Pipick concluded; " The savings wil result in the average medical plan costing most folks under three -hundred dollars a year -And that's with universal coverage - including illegal aliens!"

Republican leaders said "This will save the economy" And The Tea Partu called it a breakthrough in controlling medical costs."

Shoulda Buried Osama In A Pig Skin

The mostly peace loving Muslims around the world tell us that Osama's virulent brand of nihilistic Islam "slaughter the Infidels -they are evil and corrupt -and go to Paradise for your eternal rewards" is outside any interpretation of The Koran - SO Hence:

The slaughtering of innocent civilians places Osama and his ilk OUTSIDE the traditional Canon's of Muslim ritual SO

Why then would we want to let Muslim terrorists know they will be handled with care in their afterlife.

We should announce that henceforth any Muslim killed while planning or engaging in terrorist acts against civilians will be sewn up in a pigskin and buried in it - to remain THEREIN for eternity.

Well - There goes a huge juicy incentive!

Think 'Name That Price" without prizes - Oops -where did the contestants all disappear too?"

"Hey Farook -wear this vest -blow up a bus load of kids and you are set for Eternity"

Farook "Fuck You Arick -I heard about that Pigskin shit!"

Pope Tells Africans To Stop Fucking

On his way to Africa last month, he said the best strategy is the church's effort to promote sexual responsibility through abstinence and monogamy. -No condoms allowed! -No sport fucking!


"Hey you dysfunctional folks out there on the Dark Continent - i know your'e having trouble not chopping up everyone in sight -and you make a dollar a day - and your'e hot and dirty - and you have no toilet paper or TV or radio or socks -or even drugs -and there are flies eating up your eyeballs:

"But i - Your Popa - don't have a cock and i am very happy -so donta you worry about getting laid -- i hear it's very messy!"

'If you absolutely have to stick your biga blacka dicka in something -find a young boy -lika my priests."

That Pope is quite a guy!



But the Church is tone deaf - here's the latest statement from The Black Bishops (who would fuck any altar boy that's not armed even if he has advanced stage leprosy)

"The bishops did not veer from Vatican policy opposing the use of condoms to prevent the spread of H.I.V. and AIDS. “The problem cannot be overcome by the distribution of prophylactics,” they wrote. Instead, they urged abstinence among the unmarried and fidelity among the married. “Such a course of action not only offers the best protection against the spread of this disease but is also in harmony with Christian morality,” they wrote."

These guys are from another planet!

Easter Alert! -- Confessions To Homo Priests Don't Count Says Pope

In an amazing revelation from His Eminence in the Vatican today; The Pope asserted during an interview with the Catholic Times Magazine, that Catholics who gave their confessions to homo Priests would not be absolved from their sins -- he stated;

"Priests who have been found outa to be queers have no standing with Goda, and any absolutions whicha they gave --are null and voida!"

Catholic Times Vatican reporter, Faba Nugatzi asked the Pope; "But your emminence, these Catholic members of your flock had no way of knowing that they were confessing to homo's - and if their sins are serious and not forgiven -- they will go to Hell?"

"Atsa tough titty!", replied the Pope. "Do you thinka God isa gonna accept the Confession from a Priest who just gota finished sticking hisa tinga into some young Altar boy?"

The reporter replied, "But your Holiness, i was talking to a man who confessed that he had sodomized and tortured his three year old son while he was under the influence of pain killers and alcohol due to post traumatic stress syndrome from serving in Iraq - as a life long Catholic he lived in constant fear of going to Hell prior to his confession. - SO NOW - What will he do when he hears your announcement that he will not be absolved from his venal sins?"

The Pope answered,"Well he is justa gonna have to commit his sins all over again and finda, if he can, a non homo Priest -- and confess all over again, and then he will hava fresh starta with Goda."

"But Your Emminence --that makes no sense! -- it's cruel and an abomination of Christ's Gospel."

The Pope concluded, "Well thatsa the Churcha for you -- Happy Easter."

Godzilla Strikes Again in Dolphin Revenge Attack

Kawa Socki and his son Sockit Toomi along with Ichi Goomi and Ticki Tocki and Icho Icho Onaa and Fu King Aay were all killed by Godzilla while slaughtering Dolphin in a cove near their remote village in Grababitchi -- three hundred kilometers from Tokyo.

Dr.Oh Myomi Medical Examiner for the Kizmertucki province said today:

"We found Godzilla tracks with huge radiation levels apparent -and were able to identify the bodies because he had not eaten their heads."

He concluded;"We think Godzilla was outraged by the Dolphin slaughter!"

"AND -the radiation is making him stronger all the time"

Godzilla Spotted In Japan

Ichyo Fumaspumo who lives on the tiny island of Woweezuma was fishing yesterday when he heard a load roar and saw the head of Godzilla appear about two hundred yards out in the ocean

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed to a team of reporters who flew in overnight "A fucking Earthquale and a Tsunami and the destroyed nuclear reactors spilling out radiation - We should have known it was just a matter of time before Godzilla returned"

Reports of missing vessels in the area coupled with the rescue of a seamen from a Whale and Dolphin killing trawler have created a frenzy in Tokyo which would be Godzilla's likely target.

The seamen who is being held in isolation by the japanese Coast Guard was heard to be screaming:

"It's Godzilla and he is pissed off about the killing of all his Dolphin and Whale friends and who has gotten a lot of new energy from all the Nuclear Radiation" in the Ocean." said Shoogi Zoomi head of Japan's Oceanic and Marine Institute.

WOW! When you think of all the problems a localized Nuclear Disaster can create - Just imagine what a ten killitron nuclear warhead would do to your daily routine.

And then think about Iran with a weapon in the hands of those cookoo death worshipping Mullahs - or the extremists in pakistan?

Godzilla would seem like your pet iguana!

ABC Announces co production with 'Acme Plumbing and Television'- "Dancing With Disabilities"

Remember the huge success of Heather Mills' appearance on "Dancing With The Stars" -- gracefully executing a fox trot with her wooden leg -- Milton Cretin, head of ABC programming announced this joint production with Acme Plumbing and TV -- " It's a natural spin-off when you see the huge rating's that Heather's performance generated."

 He went on:  "The Pipick Brothers  -Moe and Arnold  - Have become well known for their creativity and have established quite a track record with Reality Shows like "Star Shit""Fake Funeral"and  their new animation feature for gay kids ""Studsey The Queer Bull" -We look forward to a long term collaboration with this new exciting production company.

"The first show will feature a woman with no arms dancing a Tango --this is a particularly tough dance to perform without arms to hold on to for guidance. --we chose a woman with huge tits for her professional partner to use as steering and control vehicles."

Asked by Hollywood entertainment reporter , Anna Clitinsky , what other disabilities they were considering? Mr. Cretin responded, "Well, up next were going with a blind deaf and dumb woman! --i don't have to tell you what a challenge that will be for all involved -- during rehearsal, in the lively folk dance numbers, she kept spinning and crashing all over the set and injured two camera men and a grip. We are now using an electrical array wired to her extremities and generating jolts of electricity as a guidance system."

"What else?" -- "We have a Five hundred pound woman from Arkansas who will dance a polka --it's rough -- she fell during a fast turn and rolled off the set for one hundred feet knocking down bystanders like bowling pins -- we had to install nets and put up bales of hay."

"Any others?", asked Clitinsky, "Whoa Anna --can't give the store away,but one last tease;" We have a woman with no feet! -- she will be fitted with prosthetic roller skates and will perform a waltz -- ha ha -- during one rehearsal she got out of control - shot across the lot, and barrelled into the Commissary -- we might change her over to a tap dance number -- on pegs!"

"And -- stay tuned for the Alzheimer's Meringue -- one dancer keeps yelling, "Morris -- answer the phone --are you deaf?"

No host has been announced but Variety has heard they are talking with Muhammad Ali (who would also dance)

Cretin concluded: "Oh -The Pipicks - Moe and Arnold, wanted me to remind his many friends and neighbors and long-term customers that rest assured "We'll still be keeping your shit flowing -EVEN while were busy keeping the hit shit television flowing!"

The New Catholic Mass Should Require Homo Alert

Can you believe THIS horseshit?

"One of the most noticeable changes is in the Nicene Creed, the statement of faith that Catholics learn to recite as children. Currently, Catholics say that Jesus is “one in being with the Father,” but in the future they will say that Jesus is “consubstantial with the Father.” This is one of several changes that include unfamiliar vocabulary.

The new mass MUST require every Priest and the Pope -before every mass - to announce:

"I will not use the power - as a representative of god on Earth - to stick my weeny in the butt of an Alter boy -or any one under the age of 35 -of whatever faith"

BECAUSE you should be less concerned about whether Johnny Jr. is memorizing the Latest Catholic mumbo jumbo - than him being coerced to suck off Father Peter "Because God likes to watch that Johnny -so be a good little Catholic and open wide."

Crude? Crude? -it's happening as we speak! And those rotten fucking perverted priests will never change -and never get the severity of the horror of it -and never stop covering each others asses about it. (oops a pun)

We need women in the priesthood and mandatory castration for the men after they take their vows!

Fox Tv Announces - "From Fags To Stags" Boot Camp

"You come in as a Homo and leave as a Romeo" says executive producer Moishe Pipick speaking on behalf of Fox Reality Pres.Mike Schlocko who is away visiting Bernie Madoff in federal Prison to discuss a potential program.'Weekend at Bernie's"

"Over the course of twelve weeks our drill instructors -who make Victoria Secrets models look like boys -and who in addition to being the greatest pieces of ass on Earth -are also behavioral psychiatrists -will have these homo recruits screwing like a Guido on the Jersey Shore"

Pipick went on; "we will follow them as they convert from "Tuchas Tigers" - into "Snatch Busters" -and we will witness the pride and joy that their families will experience in seeing their transition into happy and fulfilled "Real Men"

"This is another example of Fox Reality TV's commitment to presenting compelling -must watch programs -while simultaneously helping to uplift society."

He concluded; "The one disappointment in the production is that we had to eliminate the Priests from the Boot Camp"

"They were using it to prey (oops a pun) on the recruits and to try and cornhole all the young kids in the area where we where shooting"

He concluded: "If you have a homo friend or family member or are a fagott yourself - call us at 1-800- stagfag - camp -and start on the road to heterosexual misery. (ha ha ha)

Evangelist Clergymen in Ivory Coast Should be Tried for Genocide

After last fall’s election, Mr. Gbagbo and his wife, Simone, refused to accept the results, in part because they had become evangelical Christians, and their pastors convinced them that God alone could remove them from power. Every day on state TV, fanatical clergymen called Mr. Gbagbo God’s representative on earth, and the winner of the election, Alassane Ouattara, the Devil’s. Many young Ivorians, poor, illiterate and easily brainwashed, believed this.

It's the same old story - Delusional fanaticks who get their marching orders from god wrecking havoc with humanity.

Evangelist in Ivory Coast Should be Tried for Genocide

After last fall’s election, Mr. Gbagbo and his wife, Simone, refused to accept the results, in part because they had become evangelical Christians, and their pastors convinced them that God alone could remove them from power. Every day on state TV, fanatical clergymen called Mr. Gbagbo God’s representative on earth, and the winner of the election, Alassane Ouattara, the Devil’s. Many young Ivorians, poor, illiterate and easily brainwashed, believed this.

It's the same old story - Delusional fanaticks who get their marching orders from god wrecking havoc with humanity.

Spike Stole "Coal" From The Digibandit

Now if this concept - which never made it to air - didn't provide the idea for 'Coal" to Spike TV - then my great aunt Minnie was a drag queen.

(April 2010)Fox TV and Digibandit Productions Announces"Sex With a Chilean Miner"
"This will be the world's most fantastic Reality Program!" -Said Mike Schlocker,Fox TV President at a press conference in Santiago Chile today standing beside six of the 'Untrapped' miners - who will be the prizes in the new Reality Series.

He announced: "Women will compete to be chosen by these brave (and very horny -heh heh) Chilean heroes."

He went on; "The six finalists will get to have sex with all three of the miners over the course of a weekend in a luxurious Island Resort off the Chilean Coast --AND -get this!"

He proclaimed with great fanfaire -"The Miners will then vote on who was the "mas bueno lascivio mucho pusseo" -which means "hottest piece of melted pussy" in Chilean mountain dialect"

He concluded; "The winner will receive one million Chilean pesos (fifteen thousand US dollars)and a Llama -and gets to keep the baby if she becomes pregnant"

What do the Miners get?" asked Elise Mandelbaum from The Hollywood Reporter.

Schlocker replied with a lascivious twinkle in his eyes "Mas bueno lascivio mucho pusseo"

Fox TV does it again!

US Military Should Create "Violent Criminal Corp" From US Inmates

"Strained by the demands of long wars, the Army and the Marine Corps recruited significantly more felons into their ranks in 2009 than in 2008, including people convicted of armed robbery, arson and burglary, according to data released Monday by a House committee." NY Times today.

Well - that's a step in the right direction!

Now - let's take every misfit and goon and drug dealer and rapist and killer out of our jails where we are paying fifty thousand dollars a year to wharehouse them - and put them all in uniform.

The "Criminal Corp" led by a tough semi-psycho General (think Lee Marvin in the movie "The Dirty Dozen") should have it's first combat duty in The Tribal areas of afghanistan, and believe you me - when Moammar Ugenexystan (or whatever his schmucky name is) gets a load of these REAL American animals in action - they will fold their tents in a hurry!

Let's save our nice young marines and Infantry for mopping up missions after the "Criminal Corp," - And these one of a kind - original American wacko/criminals don't need any training - they are tough and cruel and smart -and we just assign the prison gang leaders to become their officers - and they are ready to rumble.

And no pay required -just let them pillage and plunder like the pagans and pirates of yore - they will turn those tough mountain warriors into islamic pussycats - AND those blood sucking incompetent and corrupt Afghani politicos will be dying to make some progress, just to get the "Criminal Corps" out of Dodge - and THEN we can send the 'Corp" to visit The Congo for some r&r.

Oh -and all the white collar criminals - you know -the Enron types, -They will join the "Criminal Corp" as support personell - as clerks and cooks and logistics and in planning and intelligence. AND also serve as "Bitches" for the troops"Hey Bernie( Madoff) put down that mop and bend over the sink!

That oughta cut down on the Wall Street shenanigans - dontcha think? OH Oh OH!

And these guys won't cpme home with all those pussy war related mental problems our modern warriors are afflicted with -like PTSD

These guys will come home refreshed!

Priests Should Be Casrated After Taking Final Vows

They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at "Club Vatican"

And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for fruit cakes who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.

And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims- lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less).

And if you think it's not business as usual in the " Now Johnny -God want's me to put my staff in your mouth and then in your bung hole -so be a good little Altar Boy" business - then you must be delusional!

You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Jessica Simpson walks into his bedroom naked.

So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queers into "Club Vatican."


Oh -and not to worry --God will keep their nuts safe until they get to Heaven.

St. Patrick - Patron Saint Of Drinking and Puking

"The great Irish tradition of acting like drunken morons will once again be played out on St. Patrick's Day!", said Archbishop McRummy today at St. Patricks Cathedral in New York City.

"In the year of the Lord seven hundred and fifty -- Pope Rectum 1x sent a Parish Priest named Patrick,who was a hopeless alcoholic and great comedian, over to a wild Celtic island with a boatload of whiskey and beer and the Pope said to him,'Now these Celts are wild,Patrick, and they worship strange Gods -- they have never tasted whiskey or beer -- so travel among them -- tell a few jokes -- pass around the booze -- and when they are so fucked up that they can't see straight -- convert them to Catholicism!"

The Archbishop continued; "Well Patrick was a big hit with the Celts -- he went from village to village and when he moved on there were hundreds of new Christian souls puking all over the place and pounding the shit out of each other -- and then the men would go home and abuse their wives and children."

The Archbishop concluded his holiday sermon with; " We must not forget the proud traditions and history of the Irish people and the great sacrifice of Saint Patrick, who died of syphilis and cirhossis of the liver shortly after returning to the Vatican from "Ireland" -- which is named for the Celtic word "Ire" which means "To Puke."

And when your out there tomorrow -- acting like drunken morons -- thank God your a Christian! And pray thanks to St. Patrick that you are part of a great drunken religion -- unlike the Jews and Moslems and Buddhists and Hindus and Shintos and even Atheists

"Good Christian Bitches" from ABC TV

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Japanese Get Payback For Genocide

No i'm not talking about the millions of Chinese and Koreans they raped tortured and murdered during their occupation of those countries before and during WW2:

I'm talking about their continuing slaughter of Dolphins and Whales which we all know have more intelligence and sensitivity than your average red neck Republican.

I mean wouldn't you rather see Sarah Palin and that whole crowd of Bible Belting Morons screaming for air as they drowned in a Tuna net - or heaving up fountains of blood from a harpoon stuck in their guts than a Dolphin or a Whale

Anyway -The Japanese would eat their children if they had fins and now those lovely Sea Mammals are high fiving with their fins and blowing up spouty cheers as their tormentors deal with their well deserved karma.

God Is laughing His Ass off at Newt Gingrich

ATLANTA – Newt Gingrich says his passion for his country contributed to his marital infidelity. In an interview posted Wednesday by The Christian Broadcasting Network, Gingrich — who recently converted to Catholicism — said he had sought God's forgiveness for mistakes in his past.
"There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate," Gingrich said.
"What I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn't trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them," he said. "I found that I felt compelled to seek God's forgiveness. Not God's understanding, but God's forgiveness."
Gingrich went on to say that he and his third wife, Callista, now have a great marriage.

So let me get this straight he didn't screw around because of pure unadulterated lust, he did it as a result of his passion for the good ole USA (i repeat - In his own words - it had nothing to do with his cock wanting a different home) - He has found god and sought his forgiveness -and Converted to catholicism.

I only hope God is laughing as hard as all those folks who used to think he was intelligent and quite apart from the traditional Fundamentalist Republican Cookoo's.

Now we know - He is Glen Beck with a hard on!

Seniors and Prisoners Required To Generate Energy

A new energy proposal initiated by The Tea Party Republican Neanderthals would require senior citizens on medicare or in public nursing homes; all people on medicaide or on welfare , and all federal prisoners to generate electricity by pedaling on stationery bikes or walking on tread mills which would be installed by Haliburton.

"The energy produced will help to replace our dependence on foreign oil -- it will be environmental friendly -- it will be cost efficient (no labor costs) and it will improve the health of folks who are adding heavily to our rising medical costs and who contribute very little to Society in general." said House majority leader ErCantor

The next phase of this plan would be the installation of "electricity sensitive carpeting" where the elderly could Shuffle along and generate static elecricity (Zap) in cases where excercize bikes or treadmills are not practical or for use by people not strong enough to bycycle or walk fast enough.

Senator Diane feinstein called the plan "shocking" -and said the nutso republicans should generate energy from their favorite pastime (next to killing animals) - Jerking off!

United States Should Sell It's Prison Population

The United States has 2.3 million criminals behind bars, more than any other nation, according to data maintained by the International Center for Prison Studies at King’s College London.

Moishe Pipick - head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- well - why not our huge and growing prison population?"

He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot and pay us ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for even more:"

He continued; "The African union is desperate for psychopaths to replace the dwindling number of young children in their armies. (who are dying off from starvation and aids)."

"Wer'e talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer" said House Speaker John Boener - "AND i'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably." said Sarah Palin.

Dr. Pipick concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."

"Outsourcing can be a beautiful thing!"

Eliminate Half The Congress and Save 60 nBillion

Have you ever met your Congressional representative? - Maybe when he was begging to get reelected but other than that?

We could easily double each District they represent -which is just numbers on a map to them (you and me) -They spend all their working hours in Washington being moved around like pawns in some dysfunctional Chess Match by their Party leaders - and when they come home who the fuck ever sees them or wants to -- SO:

Eliminate about three hundred of them - and at 200k a pop (with benefits and their perks and expenses added to their base salary) we save a bundle -AND:

Maybe get higher quality representation and a lot less squabbling and vying for media attention and begging for money from special interest. lobbyists.

The new Tea Party members will fight this idea because they won't want to give up their first job with enough power for them to fuck good looking women - BUT that's too bad.

Hey -Let them fight to see who gets eliminated - It will make one hell of a Reality Show "Tea Party Smackdown" -On Fox of course!

America Is One Spark Away From Revolution

Bob Herbert's op ed piece in the NY Times today stated:

Mr. Mishel has been trying to call attention to the human toll caused by job losses on this vast scale. The institute estimates that the poverty rate for children is in danger of increasing from 18 percent, which is where it was in 2007, the last year for which complete statistics are available, to a scary 27.3 percent in 2010.
For black children, you don’t want to know. But I’ll tell you anyway. The poverty rate for black kids was 34.5 percent in 2007. If the national unemployment rate rises, as expected, to the vicinity of 10 percent next year, the poverty rate for black children would rise to 50 percent or higher, analysts at the institute believe.

That would be a profound tragedy.

We already know that children are being harmed in families hammered by job losses, home foreclosures and the myriad stresses that grip families trying to cope with economic reversals. Dr. Irwin Redlener, president of the Children’s Health Fund and a professor at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, has referred to these youngsters as the “recession generation,” and has described what is happening to them as “a quiet disaster.”



This is a prescription for massive social disruption - and it can take off as fast as those wildfires in California.



All it will take is someone who can galvanize that cauldron of misery out there in an America brought to economic ruin by the actions of greedy and rapacious AND non repentent capitalists gone wild.

How The Church Ruined Valentine's Day

On this upcoming day of amative imaginings i thought you might be interested in the Pagan provenance of Valentine's day --Lupercalia

"The Lupercalia festival was in honor of the She-Wolf who suckled the infant orphans, Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome. Explaining the name of the festival, Lupercalia, which translates out into "Wolf Festival." The festival was celebrated near the cave of Lupercal on the Palatine where Rome was founded.
.
.The festival began with the sacrifice by the Luperci (or the flamen dialis) of two male goats and a dog. Next two patrician young Luperci were led to the altar, to be anointed on their foreheads with the sacrificial blood, which was wiped off the bloody knife with wool soaked in milk, after which they were expected to smile and laugh.

The smearing of the forehead with blood probably refers to human sacrifice originally practised at the festival.

The sacrificial feast followed, after which the Luperci cut thongs from the skins of the victims, which were called Februa, dressed themselves in the skins of the sacrificed goats -- and then everyone ran around fornicating and sucking and drinking and dancing until they dropped!

This looked like too much fun to the Ancient Queer Priests so they turned it into a sappy, lovey dovey religious farce - BUT!

Little did they know that healthy modern folks of all ages would return to their Lupercalic roots - only with different outfits and bling.

This is a sure sign that the rule of the Queer Priests is waning - but we gotta bring back the goats and she wolves!(only no sacrifice BUT maybe sacrifice a queer priest or two?

Happy Lupercalia everyone!

No Health Care Contribution -See a Fucking Witch Doctor

While all the morons are rallying agains against requiring folks to at least chip in a little in paying for their freeby health care -which we other folks have to pay for - just remember:


"Justice Department lawyers responded that a choice not to obtain health insurance was itself an active decision that, taken in the aggregate, shifted the cost of caring for the uninsured to hospitals, governments and privately insured individuals." NY Times today

So it's simple! -You break a leg or get the flu?

Go to a fucking witch doctor! -UNLESS -you can prove you have No assets -and that includes Cable TV and any brand of premium toilet paper and oh cigarettes?

Kiss my ass! -Why should we responsible folks ante up when you won't even contribute the token amount essential to support a Health Care system that works for needy kids and poor old folks. - et al.

FL Line Coaches To Recruit Big Black Women

In 1970, only one N.F.L. player weighed as much as 300 pounds, according to a survey conducted by The Associated Press. That number has expanded like players’ waistlines from three 300-pounders in 1980 to 94 in 1990, 301 in 2000, 394 in 2009 and 532 as training camps began in 2010

And the demand for these agile giants by The NFL has far exceeded supply -- BUT:

Moishe Pipick defensive line coach for the NY Giants said at a press conference today:

"I was having lunch up in Harlem three weeks ago on a Sunday and was walking around near the Ebenezer Baptist Church when i saw a group of very large black women coming out of Church - AND i'm tellin you that some of these gals were up in the 300 pound range -and they were dancin around like ballet dancers -AND they were wearing high heels"

"So i handed out some cards and a bunch of them showed up at the stadium for a kinda scrimmage tryout and i'm telling you these women are tough and fast and competitive and have the testosterone of a lioness"

Elise Mandelbaum the digibandit sports reporter asked coach Pipick; "What about folks reaction to women participating in such a tough and brutal game? --AND what will their husbands say?"

Coach Pipick responded: "The fans will eat it up like crazy - AND as far as their husbands? --Your shitting me aren't ya Elise?"

He concluded: "I'm just wondering if i need seperate lockers for these gals/"

unemployment Compensation is White Welfare

Wish i had a dollar for every time some conservative redneck said to me:

"You know digibandit - these (N word here)are robbin us blind with this welfare bullshit -bunch a lazy (N's) that just wont work -just don't give a crap about nuthin yadadadad"

Well you could talk on about how ninety percent of welfare went to aid for dependent children but all you'd get back from the conservative assholes was how personal responsibility had no place among these Welfare cheatin N's.

SO -now you have millions of whiteys collecting checks for up to TWO years -who maybe shoulda put a little away for a rainy day - AND:

You and i both know that Uncle Sammy is not making sure they are accountable for seeking employment in an aggressive way - holding them accountable for their White Welfare checks -making sure this is not just a handout with no strings attached.

AND -these are folks who did not mostly evolve through and from generations of
slavery and discrimination and cultural oppression of many magnitudes.

Just plain irresponsible WHITE welfare recipients who just spent everything they made -saved nothing - behaved liked irresponsible greedy children - tomorrow will never come -nothin will ever go wrong - woopedy doo - keep shoppin for crap - and now think they got it comin because someone else took advantage of them -- boo hoo - boo hoo.

I hope them so called lazy n's are laughing their black asses off at the ridiculous irony of the situation.

NRA Wants American's To Own Artillery

This from the wimpy NY Times said NRA honcho Clem Snout:

"What is the matter with us? Are we really helpless in the face of the astounding toll that guns take on this society?

More than 30,000 people die from gunfire every year. Another 66,000 or so are wounded, which means that nearly 100,000 men, women and children are shot in the United States annually. Have we really become so impotent as a society, so pathetically fearful in the face of the extremists, that we can’t even take the most modest of steps to begin curbing this horror?

Where is the leadership? We know who’s on the side of the gun crazies. Where is the leadership on the side of sanity?

For starters, assault weapons should be banned. Their raison d’être is to kill the maximum number of people — people, not animals — in the shortest amount of time"

"Well that's just a bunch of liberal crapola" said Clem Snout the NRA president"

He continued, "The more firepower in the hands of white American's the better - and i mean even kinda weirdy WHITE Americans! -- If a few folks get nailed along the way well that's just like my Momma used to to say:

"Clem -if you wanna make an Omelete you gotta break a few eggs"

Mr. Snout continued" "Matter of fact we need WHITE America to wake the fuck up and start investing in REAL firepower because when the Jews and Africans and Mexy's and homo's start swarmin all over us it's gonna take some Howitzers to set em back on their asses"

"It's like Sarah always says -"Don't retreat --RELOAD!" said Stout "AND i don't see nothin in the Constitution says a white American caint own a Howitzer or even a flame thrower -or mount a set of quad fifties on his pickup truck"

"Next year the NRA will seek legislation to REQUIRE every White man (non Jews or Homos)) to carry a gun at all times except when he's humpin his old lady and then she has to have one handy and keep one eye peeled for trouble"

'Vigilance is the answer" concluded President Snout.

Palin Family To Tour US With 'Wild North" Carnival Show

Youv'e heard of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show?

The show itself consisted of a series of "historical" scenes interspersed with feats of showmanship, sharp shooting, racing, or rodeo style events. Native Americans figured prominently in many of the scenes, often shown attacking whites in historical situations with Buffalo Bill or one of his colleagues riding in and saving the day.


Well - The Sarah Palin version of that cookoo event will be coming to a venue near you before you can say " Wow look at Sarah standing on Tod's shoulders going eighty miles per hour on his snowmobile - while she shoots a beer can off an Eskimo's head."(sponsored by Budweiser)

Oh -and while all this is goin on her kids will be working the crowd dressed as Cavalry soldiers handing out bibles and asking for money for Sarah's Presidential campaign.

Yep - in this Annie Oakely meets the Munsters style traveling carnival Sarah will -as she says "Bring back the days when men were men and women were women" or as she said "Before the Democrats turned into homo's and Jew and Injun lovers"

There will be a whale and wolfmeat barbeque and a tent revival prayer meeting and a shooting range.

Hey -the redneck Republicans will show up in droves with their guns and bibles and woop and holler in support of their great white hope for the 2012 election:

Republican now officially stands for "Goyims Only" said Tod as he oggled a teenage Eskimo girl.

Best Torture For Muslim Extremists - Nagging American Wives

MUSLIMS TREAT THEIR WOMEN LIKE KOREAN'S TREAT DOGS! - AS A RESULT THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW VISCIOUS A NAGGING WIFE CAN BE -ESPECIALLY A GOOD OLD FASHIONED AVERAGE "AMERICAN NAGGING WIFE"(I DON'T INCLUDE GIRLFRIEND NAGGING (JUST AS VISCIOUS) BECAUSE MUSLIMS DON'T HAVE GIRLFRIENDS - THAT WOULD IMPLY COURTSHIP AND OPTIONS FOR THE WOMEN)

So - you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."

Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:

"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been -I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......." Well - you know the drill.

You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less? Remember -these lucky dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even;

"Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andthat would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.

How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......

"At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.

C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.

Vulgarity An Underutilized Diplomacy Weapon

Now if i were to say that Iran cannot be allowed Nuclear Weapons for the same reasons that you would not give a psychopathic escapee from The California Prison for the Criminally Insane -five gallons of a toxic biological agent -AND a map to the Los Angeles Aqueduct:

I would be accused of a misguided and inappropriate metaphor yadadadadya (even though everyone knows that is why those Maniacal - Death Worshiping Mullahs can never become Nuclear Weapon enriched)


BUT -If Secretary Clinton were to stand up in the United Nations General Assembly and state with conviction:

"Let's cut the crap! -I would rather have Ahmadinejad suck on my beaver -or bang Chelsea -Than for him to ever get control of a nuclear weapon -AND that goes for their whole fucking lunatic Islamofascist Regime"

And then if Obama reinforced that with:

"I'm with Hillary one-hundred percent and can honestly say that i would rather have The Ayatollah Komeini impregnate Michelle -Than for those Fascist Stone Age Mullahs to get within range of a Nuclear Missile -UNLESS it was incoming from Tel Aviv!"

OH! Oh! and let's not forget the irrepressible VP Joe Biden who might add:

"I can honestly add to those crystal clear comments that i would rather be gang raped in Delaware State Penitentiary -and have my wife be sodomized by A fucking savage Iranian Revolutionary Guard Member -than to allow Iran to obtain Nuclear Weapons"

Let me Tell ya -- The debate would end right there and we would be the heroes of the whole fucking world that is worth giving a flying fuck about - for calling it straight for ONCE!

Ah - darnit -blew my New Year's resolution about cussing -maybe next year?

Remember When Jane Fonda said Cunt on TV?

Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.

I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."

She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"

Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."

But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"

"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"

I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."

"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"

Kid's today!

"Blackberry Brain Disease" Afflicting Millions

The Universal Cultural Research Institute in Berne, Switzerland announced the results of a five year study of over ten thousand seemingly successful and normal - high usage Blackberry owners.

"The results were startling and extremely alarming" -- said Dr. Moishe Pipick -Head of neuroscientific data analysis for the institute.

He stated; "I won't bore you with the elaborate stem cortex graph analysis data -or the comprehensive back-up documentation regarding behavioral pathology and emotional deconstruction - along with the acute alteration of logic and emotional circuitry in the cerebral cortex -caused by this device in the hands of high user Alpha males."


Dr. Pipick continued; "But i will say that what we call "Assumptive Logic Pathology" -Which is a mental disorder common to 87% of those in our study - where they are making judgements based on a minimal percentage of the data they are receiving (that info contained in the first paragraph of the Blackberry communiques) -

"BUT - their brains -which have evolved a logical paradigm for more detailed and semi-comprehensive information analysis over millions of years -is being frustrated and -how shall i say it in non technical terms? --In German, Freud called it --Ungershtupped mitten horst manureschweigen infoschlacken"

He concluded; "In other words -stuffed and confused - or overloaded with horsehit information!"

"Can you give us an example of "Assumptive Logical Pathology " Dr. Pipick?" - Asked digibandit Science Reporter -Elise Mandelbaum.

"YES! -here's a typical one - A Television program developer received an urgent email from his aged Mother's heart specialist in which the first words on the Blackberry were "Have idea which you will find important and crucial"

Dr. Pipick went on; "The busy emotionally overloaded program executive quickly sent back a message after getting what he thought was the info gist of the communique "Sorry Doc -too busy to deal with elevator concepts (quicky creative concepts) from you"

"WELL -What the program executive failed to read was the part of the message which said; " Your Mom in coma! -Severe heart attack ! -Need immediate approvalfor radical new stent implantation!"

Dr Pipick concluded; "AND this will Kill ya Elise! -The Dr's next email back to the TV Development big shot said -- in the first three words of a message explaining the DEATH of our programmer's mother: "Mom is gone..... "

"AND the guy sends the Dr. back a quicky Blackberry shot -"Hey Doc! -There are three shows on the air right now about Mothers yaddadada -please give me a break here -- OH! -And how's my mother doing?"

First Recorded Case Of "Coyote Leg" Reported

A team of doctors from "Coyote Arm" International has confirmed that Manny Orbach from Bensonhurst in Brooklyn NYC - Chewed off a large chunk of his leg (which had to be subsequently amputated) -thinking it was his arm) when he awoke from a night of drunken revelry with Elise Mandelbaum draped across his body.

Mr. Orbach stated for the record; " I opened my eyes and when i saw it/her and i started to scream but was able to muffle it right away - THEN realizing how entangled we were -and in a complete state of panic and hysteria that i might awaken her/it - and be forced to engage it - I did the manly thing and went right for my arm - not realizing i was gnawing through my leg before it was too late"


He continued; "Fortunately i was able to extricate myself from under her and crawl away for help -and praise be to the lord that she was still zonked out enough that she didn't awaken - or i would have had to kill myself"


Moishe Pipick - president of World Wide Coyote Arm International praised Mr. Orbach for his courage -and said;


"Manny Orbach is a testimonial to the power and pride of ALL Men and we at WWCA are making sure he will receive the latest in prosthetic surgery and rehabilitation -and are awarding him The Coyote Arm (and now Leg) Legion of Honor -which carries a cash prize of one million dollars along with the many sponsor endorsements which are already coming his way"


He concluded; "However - we are not formally endorsing 'Coyote Leg" and recommend that you take a minute to get your bearings - take a deap breath -and go for the ARM!"

Dream Works Releases "Studsy The Queer Bull" -- First Animated Film For Gay Kids

Steven Spielberg head of DreamWorks and his partner,in charge of animation,Jeffrey (Jewboy) Katzenberg,announced yesterday; “We have finally completed -and just in time for XMas - the first gay themed animated film !" 'Studsy The Queer Bull',

“It's about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows. We were thinking of calling the film, ‘The Queer Steer’ -- but technically he’s a bull (obviously not castrated) and hung like a Moose. As a matter of fact ‘Studsy’ would fuck a Moose as long as it’s a male Moose, and he even tried ,several times during filming, to get at me.” Chimed in Katzenberg the ex head of Disney Animation who is a flaming fag.

He continued; “Our research shows that twenty maybe thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment.

‘Studsy’ will instill pride and identity resolution in young closeted gay children and help them ‘break out” -- just as ‘Studsy’ does in a very compelling scene where he is supposed to impregnate a group of prize cows,but ‘breaks out’ ( a metaphor for his closet) of the paddock and charges into the meadow --- where he proceeds to shtupp about twelve young bulls and eight steers in a violent release of pent up frustration .”

Spielberg added, “ Now you have got to picture this twenty six hundred pound Angus bull fucking every asshole in sight - the energy and passion and drama ! -- Think the fifteenth round in Rocky One.

At this point in the test screenings young boys were jumping up and down on the seats screaming, ‘fuck em -- fuck em all Studsy” and they were crying and hugging one another and some even started masturbating.”

They concluded; “We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment -especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our children - our most precious resource - to shape and sructure their lives as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art.

And - so - coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’. Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero.

Watch Your Children Closely

Remember what happened last Christmas?

XMas 2009 -Digibandit Exclusive

Santa Claus Charged With Sodomizing Elves Last Christmas

Santa arrived back in the North Pole after a long night of gift giving to find himself taken into custody by the Polar Police -his Reindeer quarantined and his sled impounded -as hundreds of elves with torches and pitchforks screamed "Santa is a pervert!"

Meyer Lansky the North Pole Chief of Police stated; 'Santa has been taken into custody because of DNA evidence and testimony alleging that he was routinely sodomizing both his.male and female elves - and maybe even his Reindeers?

He said: "And we are asking all parents to watch their children this Christmas day for any evidence of unusual or frightful .behavior"

"For example -If they are afraid to open their presents or cry at the sight of milk and cookies "

"Merry Christmas"

Worldwide "Coyote Arm" Gathering Draws Millions

MEN -FROM AROUND THE WORLD - WHO HAVE CHEWED OFF THEIR ARM SO AS TO NOT RISK WAKING THE "BEAST" THEY FOUND SNUGGLED UP NEXT TO THEM AFTER A DRUNKEN NIGHT OF PARTYING - JOINED TOGETHER IN BASIL SWITZERLAND TODAY -TO CELEBRATE THEIR COLLEGIAL HONOR AND BRAVERY -AND TO WARN "MEN EVERYWHERE" OF THE POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES OF "DRUNKEN PASSION".

Moishe Pipick - Leader of the UCAF (Universal Coyote Arm federation) - chosen for being the first man to chew off BOTH arms when he woke up with TWINS - who in his words. "Defied description" announced:

"Men who have lost an arm in the service of drunken passion - bear witness and testimony to our eternal weakness for "Drunken sex" and the price some of us must pay for the dignity of All men Everywhere!"

Mr. Pipick went on; "And while there has been an attempt by the women marching outside our gathering to establish a "Coyote Arm" organization of their own -we can see by the number of one armed women marching - that they have a limited following"

"And - we have it on good sources - that most of those one armed women were the victims of MEN who got their arms mixed up"

"And in conclusion" - said Pipick -"I am so proud to see the growing numbers of TWO ARM Coyote Men". -"It takes great courage to chew off both arms - And we salute them!"

Fox Anounces "Die Laughing" using The Terminally Ill

"Hey -Laughter is the best medicine and in our upcoming new Reality Program "Die laughing" --terminally ill patients are gonna get mega doses of Comic Radiation -right in their Death Beds - at Deaths Door!"

So sayeth Mike (The Midget) Schlocker - Fox TV president -in Hollywood today.

"Holy cow Mike!" said Bandit Entertainment reporter Elise Mandelbaum "You are going to exploit terminally patients in a Reality Show?"

"Exploit?" -"Hold on to your size D Jewish cups Elise! -We have already brought half a dozen terminally ill patients back from the Grim Reaper's grasp in our test pilot"

"Bullshit Mike!" said Elise.

Schlocker replied; "Let me introduce ya to Moishe Pipick who already had his feeding tube removed over at Cedars Sinai when Ben Morrison a local stand up comic did a special 'Die Laughing ' routine at Moishe's bedside -tell em what happened Moishe?"

Moishe exclaimed; "Well -i vas riding up to Heaven on a bright light ven i hear "So Moishe - did you hear about the old Jew who had brain cancer and his wife tried to put chicken soup in his ears and..."

Moishe went on: "well suddenly i heard a few more Death Jokes and before you know it i was awake -AND after an MRI and a Scat Scan my Neurologist said my brain tumor had totally disappeared!"

Schlocker said; And - we know this "Die Laughing" approach can save folks and it's gonna be one hell of a funny show!"

Elise said; "Well it would be so wonderful if you could actually use tragic comedy to save folks Mike"

Schlocker concluded; "But if it don't get ratings we'll have to pull the plug on it --heh heh heh -heh heh heh - pull the plug -get it? heh heh heh!"

Visa Announces "Shop Only" -Shop Til You Drop" Card

WANT TO GET THAT "SHOPPER'S HIGH" WITHOUT ACTUALLY SPENDING A DIME?

Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ?

Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?

Well - with Visa's "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee --ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost a paltry fifty bucks

And you high roller's can get up to one -hundred thousand dollars in credits for a paltry three hundred bucks.

So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.

And for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and friends - getting yet another " consumption fix" - for free - when you open them.

And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Pipick's "Shopped" us for our housewarming." As your friend unwraps and reads the gift description - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".

And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!

Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Visa "Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! --For peanuts!

Injun Chief With Pilgrim in Heaven --Thanksgiving 2010

Chief Whitefish -"Look Pilgrim what has happened since you fucked us back then - My people have Casinos and loads of bling and their children go to Harvard and drive BMW trucks and our wives have Gucci luggage - And your people have no jobs and are losing their houses and your druggy children have to leave college and live at home and your wives are desperate for sex and bling and security.

Pilgrim John Smith -You are still a bunch of fucking savages!

Happy Thanksgiving (what goes around)

The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...

The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...: "'It's wild all right!' announced Fox Tv President Mikey Schlocker in Hollywood today: 'This will blow your socks off -(along with every oth..."

The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...

The Digibandit: Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wi...: "'It's wild all right!' announced Fox Tv President Mikey Schlocker in Hollywood today: 'This will blow your socks off -(along with every oth..."

Fox Announces "Celebrity Airport Screening Gone Wild"

"It's wild all right!" announced Fox Tv President Mikey Schlocker in Hollywood today:

"This will blow your socks off -(along with every other article of clothing heh heh heh) Because we have purchased the XlT1000 Super Security Scanner which El Al Air uses to scan the Habibs who are constantly trying to blow up Israeli passengers - and it's the best!"

He went on: "I mean you can see a spot on a nipple like it's a bowling ball AND SO - We at Fox Reality Television are using this fun technology to create a Celebrity Game Show"

"How's it work Mikey?" asked digibandit Hollywood Reporter Elise Mandelbaum.

"Good question Elise" -"Let's say we show pictures of say six hotties -lncluding you -in bikinis - And then we run you all through the scanner AND Then - The contestants have to pick which pair of bodaceous ta ta's are YOURS"

Elise replied; -"So - you see MY breasts in a bikini along with five other women and then the audience sees our actual breasts in the Screener and then they have to select which are mine - Only n the show they would be trying to pick the actual Celebrity's Breasts?"

"You nailed it Elise - and we certainly would want to have a strong array of ta ta's like yours in the screener (heh heh) OH -I wanted to call the show " Million Dollar - Whose Tit's Are They Anyway" - BUT my genius kids in the programming department explained that we will be extending the contest to Celebrity Asses and Scrotums which brings in a much wider audience"

"But Mike?" asked Elise "With all the concern about these screeners and privacy issues right now -isn't that a concern for Fox?"

"Absolutely!" replied Schlocker -- "AND when American's see these magnificent tits ans asses and nut sacks of Celebrities up on the TV screen with all those other folks body parts -in a fun Game Show environment - We just KNOW that the whole issue of embarrassment will disappear overnight."

He concluded: "And what's good for national Security -Is good for Fox Television!"

Tough Audience

Satellite TV programs such as those broadcast on Farsi 1 destroy the chastity and honor of our families and encourage the young to take up lovemaking, wine drinking and Satan worship."
MOHAMMAD-TAGHI RAHBAR, a member of Iran's Parliament, on comedies and dramas broadcast from Dubai into Iran by the News Corporation and a prominent Afghan family.

What they need is a game show -maybe "The Stone Is Right" where these stone age morons can compete in killing their local "Satanic Hussies" and win luxurious prizes like dynamite and toilet paper?

Or maybe "Desperate Shiite Houswives of Iran" where wives and mothers compete in begging their husbands for huge favors -like not being abused and demeaned and totally marginalized.

Or maybe even
"Is Your Goat Smarter Than The Local Mullah?"

No wonder these Fundamentalist Muslims are so cranky! -They have nothing to watch but each other's fucking misery.

World Leaders Overheard Dissing Republicans

A leaked recording of a private conference has been obtained by digibandit European Burea Chief Moishe Pipick who could not release the names due to a confidentiality agreement BUT Here are some comments from world leaders regarding the incoming class of 100 new freshman Congressional Republicans:

"This has to be the stupidest group of American legislators in their history"

"Fucking unqualified morons -couldn't get elected dog catcher here"

"Ignorant -incompetent -inexperienced -ideologues and religious wackos"

"God help us - they are a bunch of uneducated gun toting assholes"

"Just wait -they will be fucking everything that walks -stealing and grabbing and making fools of themselves"

"The American people have just fucked themselves ROYALLY -they where better off under King George"

"These schmucks make Bush look like a Rhodes Scholar -a bunch of Bible belting Neanderthals"

"Fox news is gonna have a field day with this group of complete assholes"

SO -we asked Moishe Pipick; "Did you get the feeling that the rest of the world thinks we've gone backwards in our Political efficacy?"

"What!" -"Have you been listening!" -"They think America has opened up it's mental institutions and given the loonies a shot at governing"

Stay tuned -and buy gold and drugs and ammo.

Joh McCaine Created 'PalinStein" AND The Tea Party Jerks

Sarah Palin was just another goofy incompetent vainglorious local hick/celebrity when a desperate and senile Senator Mc Caine raised her from the "Politically Dead" -And transformed her into:

"PalinStein" -a far more dangerous monstor than Frankie ever was!

BECAUSE -when the angry masses got to see an ignorant simplistic populist on the National Political Stage - They discovered their Alaskan Joan of Arc!

A fundamentalist with a big mouth and a small intellect -An ideologue full of populist jingo wingo cleche's- AND - with a "wonderfully" wacko family and a macho wacko -meat eatin God fearin -Wolf killing gun totin nutso Hubby.

So -THEN - The rich and powerful who always know how to spot a thoroughbred to lead their charge in exploiting the weak and the poor WITH the backing of the weak and the poor -AND who never find out they are getting fucked by themselves -led by themselves -until it'a too late:

Cranked up the Tea Party and financed it's wacko candidtes with their big Conservative Republican bucks so they can resume control of Congress from the progressives:

AND - then Go back to fucking the poor and the weak with a vengeance like they did under GW for 8 years.

And hey you morons -They couldn't do it without ya!

In the words of Joe Fogherty; "Gonna be a long hard night before it's done"

Clarence "Long Dong Silver" Three Years Ago

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 07, 2007
Clarence "Long Dong Silver" Thomas Is A Disgrace
Sworn testimony of Professor Anita Hill at Thomas' judicial hearings -- as follows:

"One of the oddest episodes I remember was an occasion in which Thomas was drinking a Coke in his office," she said. "He got up from the table at which we are working, went over to his desk to get the Coke, looked at the can and said, 'Who has put pubic hair on my Coke?' On other occasions he referred to the size of his own penis as being larger than normal, and he also spoke on some occasions of the pleasures he had given to women with oral sex." Another time, she said, he talked about a movie called "Long Dong Silver."

That was just a small portion of the testimony by Anita Hill, a professor of social policy, law and women’s studies at Brandeis University, and a visiting scholar at the Newhouse Center for the Humanities at Wellesley College -- which unfortunately was ignored by the good ole boys in Congress -- and "Long Dong" was confirmed by one vote ( the smallest margin in history) and took his place as the worst Supreme Court Justice in history - and a disgrace to all African American's.

Professor Hill said about "Dong's" new book "My Grandfather's Son" -- "Justice Thomas’s characterization of me is also hobbled by blatant inconsistencies. He claims, for instance, that I was a mediocre employee who had a job in the federal government only because he had “given it” to me. He ignores the reality: I was fully qualified to work in the government, having graduated from Yale Law School (his alma mater, which he calls one of the finest in the country), and passed the District of Columbia Bar exam, one of the toughest in the nation

.In 1981, when Mr. Thomas approached me about working for him, I was an associate in good standing at a Washington law firm. In 1991, the partner in charge of associate development informed Mr. Thomas’s mentor, Senator John Danforth of Missouri, that any assertions to the contrary were untrue. Yet, Mr. Thomas insists that I was “asked to leave” the firm."

Justice Thomas is a sick fuck - and he's got one of the most powerful jobs in America -- for life!

It's time to change the law which gives lifetime job security to Supreme Court Justices - and which eliminates any possibility to rectify a huge mistake - like Justice Clarence "Long Dong Silver" Thomas.

Clarence Thomas -Freako Porno Supremo Court Justice

Read this NY Times report and then join in the "March to Castrate Justice Clarence Thomas"

WASHINGTON — Lillian McEwen is not one of the women whose name is generally associated with Justice Clarence Thomas and his contentious confirmation hearings for a Supreme Court seat.
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But now, at age 65 and retired from a long legal career, with nothing to lose and a book to sell, Ms. McEwen is ready for that to change.

This week’s news that his wife, Virginia, had left voice mail for Anita Hill, asking her to apologize for “what you did with my husband” at the confirmation hearings, gave Ms. McEwen an unexpected opportunity to talk about Justice Thomas, the man she was romantically involved with for “six or seven years” in the 1980s. The phone call, she said in an interview Friday, makes sense to her.

For Ms. Thomas, she said, the accusation of sexual harassment made by Ms. Hill “still has to be a mystery, that he is still angry about this and upset about it after all these years, and I can understand that she would want to know why, and solve a problem if she could — I mean, acting as a loyal wife.”

But Ms. McEwen said she knew a different Clarence Thomas, one whom she recognized in the 1991 testimony of Ms. Hill, who claimed that he had repeatedly made inappropriate sexual comments to her at work, including descriptions of pornographic films.

Ms. McEwen said that pornography for Justice Thomas was “just a part of his personality structure.” She said he kept a stack of pornographic magazines, “frequented a store on Dupont Circle that catered to his needs,” and allowed his interest in pornography to bleed into his professional relationships.

“It starts inside,” she said, tapping her head during a 30-minute interview inside her three-story condominium in Southwest Washington. “And then your behavior flows from what it is that’s important to you. That’s what happened with him, certainly.”

Justice Thomas, through a Supreme Court spokeswoman, Kathy Arberg, declined to comment.

Ms. McEwen, who said she was surprised not to be subpoenaed by either side, did not testify about Justice Thomas at his confirmation hearings. She said she never received a response from a note she wrote to Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr., who was running the hearings and with whom she had worked as a lawyer for the Judiciary Committee. She said the note, sent after Justice Thomas was nominated, reminded Mr. Biden that she knew the nominee.

“The hearings themselves were so constrained — the questioning, the subject matter — the scope of the hearings didn’t really allow for any kind of treatment of the issues that had been raised,” she said. “The kind of Clarence I knew at the time that these events occurred is the kind of Clarence that did not emerge from the hearings, I’ll say that. It was not him, and he probably would not have been on the court if the real Clarence had actually been revealed.”

But now Ms. McEwen, who first spoke to The Washington Post for an article published Friday, is ready to talk about the man she says is the “real Clarence,” or at least the one she knew intimately. After retiring in 2007, Ms. McEwen began working on a memoir, which she completed this year. Ms. McEwen also spoke with ABC News.

The book, tentatively called “All About Me,” focuses on her childhood in the District, but she said Justice Thomas appears “in probably about 20 to 25 percent of the pages in the book, because he was a significant part of my life for many years.”

However, what may be the biggest scoop in her book — the private details of her contact with Justice Thomas — may also prove the biggest challenge in getting it published. She said that some agents have not gotten back to her, and others have said “it’s just not the kind of book that they are particularly enthusiastic about, a lot of it having to do with the fact that Clarence is included.”

Though Ms. McEwen still seems to get upset discussing Justice Thomas at times, she said she was the one who ended the relationship.

“He was changing and I didn’t like it,” she said. “He was just becoming obsessed with campaigning for the president and interviewing with reporters and raising his child in a way I didn’t like. It’s a combination of obsessed, ambitious, irritable and bullying that was just too much for me.”

Ms. McEwen has generally kept a low profile all these years, largely out of respect for the wishes of Justice Thomas, who asked her to “take the same position toward him that his first wife had taken” and not speak publicly about their relationship. They see each other “sporadically” — the last time they crossed paths, she said, was at a talk he gave at Howard University after his book, “My Grandfather’s Son,” came out in 2007.

“His book had a sense of anger about that whole process, that led me to believe he still carries a grudge, as if he had been victimized somehow, and as if he hadn’t won,” she said. “It was almost as if he were not on the Supreme Court. Like he was kept from it.”

As for Ms. McEwen’s book, she said the process of writing it was therapeutic. She recently showed it to her daughter.

“It was probably T.M.I.,” she said, using the abbreviation for “too much information.” “But that’s the way it is.”

Sorry Anita

Fox TV Announces"Sex With a Chilean Miner"

"This will be the world's most fantastic Reality Program!" -Said Mike Schlocker,Fox TV President at a press conference in Santiago Chile today standing beside six of the 'Untrapped' miners - who will be the prizes in the new Reality Series.

He announced: "Women will compete to be chosen by these brave (and very horny -heh heh) Chilean heroes."

He went on; "The six finalists will get to have sex with all three of the miners over the course of a weekend in a luxurious Island Resort off the Chilean Coast --AND -get this!"

He proclaimed with great fanfaire -"The Miners will then vote on who was the "mas bueno lascivio mucho pusseo" -which means "hottest piece of melted pussy" in Chilean mountain dialect"

He concluded; "The winner will receive one million Chilean pesos (fifteen thousand US dollars)and a Llama -and gets to keep the baby if she becomes pregnant"

What do the Miners get?" asked Elise Mandelbaum from The Hollywood Reporter.

Schlocker replied with a lascivious twinkle in his eyes "Mas bueno lascivio mucho pusseo"

Fox TV does it again!

How About A Competency Test For Candidates?

Everyone is rightfully concerned about how we measure learning progress among our Nation's students and the commensurrate accountability to which we hold learning institutions and teachers.

So -How about a competency test for prospective politiciuans?

I mean a moronic Senator or Congressman can do a lot more damage to our government and National Security than some kid who is failing Math and English.

I'm not talking about advanced intellectual measurement here - I AM suggesting that someone who seeks high political office should be able to demonstrate a significant ability to absorb complicated input -and to intelligently evaluate that information - AND to communicate (orally and in writing) an intelligent response to the inherent issues as presented.

AND a basic general intelligence and psychological exam of the type widely used by Corporations would be administered -- and ALL the results of this testing would be made available to the electorate.

I spoke with Dr. Moishe Pipick who has been analyzing the statements from political candidates running for office in the midterm elections and he stated:

"We at the Institute For Competency Analysis -located here in Berne, Switzerland -have just completed a preliminary analysis of both Republicans and Democrats and it is clear that on the Republican side we are looking at folks who are basically inferior in all modes of intellect and knowledge absorption -problem solving and analytical skills -AND seriously deficient in general learning accumulation - AND are sub inferior in logic and decision making skills"

"So in plain Englisg Doctor Pipick?" said Elise Mandelbaum the Digibandit Washington Bureau Chief.

"He replied " They are a bunch of fucking morons! -They should all be tested and the results made public."

The Dr. concluded; "Oh Elise -and based on our findings we seriously recommend including some key lie detecting questions for ALL Tea Party candidates."

"Like What?" - Doctor Pipick concluded:

"Have you ever masturbated while talking with God?"

"I Can't Aim With Your Penis In My Butt"

When Marine Staff Seargent Lon McCracken returns to the barracks after surviving another deadly day on tour in Afghanistan:

He puts down his gear and staggers into the shower - exhausted and edgy and sore as hell from chasing Talibani fighters up big mountains all day in the heat.

And as he turns on the water he hears from the next shower stall:

"Oh Manny - oh Manny - ooh - ahhh - i love it! -OOH i love it - but please Ernie -for gods sake - use some more soap - your pecker is practically in my colon -- ooh -- ooh"

At this point seargent Mc Cracken has grabbed his bayonet and in about three seconds Manny and Ernie are going to get some radical surgery.

I mean - the two gay's are just doing what comes naturally -and personally i don't care if a guy gets a hummer (not the vehicle) while shooting his machine gun at the enemy (as long as it doesn't affect his aim):

But - a lot of those southern crackers who make up about ninety five percent of the military are going to be a bit annoyed at seeing their comrades getting corn holed and sucked off all over the battlefield and baracks.

Oh - and god forbid if the gay's start corn holing the enemy -oye vey!

This is a very thorny issue - because if the ignorant rednecks stop enlisting - we won't have enough infantry left to invade Newfoundland.

It's kinda hard (oops) to cornhole your buddy under the current "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy.

So maybe we should just leave things alone until there is complete peace on earth?

OR we go with an ALL Gay Military whicccch i would personally prefer just for the laughs.

Fox TV Announces "Candid Catholic Confessions"

Mike Harnell -Fox Reality President announced "Candid Catholic Confessions" With Father Konfessor -today and stated:

"Fox has got a lot of balls, in addition to being cutting edge creative! Our new reality show will feature a Catholic priest -- Father Konfessor -- who will take confessions and give penances for the pleasure of the television viewing audience."

"What a breakthrough!" -- "Hidden cameras in the confessional booth will have audiences around the world peeing in their pants (panties) -- and the penances that Father Konfessor delivers will be more hysterical than the actual confessions;" said Harnell.

Elise Mandelbaum the digibandit Hollywood reporter asked him; "What kind of penances will Father Konfessor dispense - give us an example."

"Okey dokey" He said "In the pilot we see Hillary Duff very ashamedly confess that she loves to tease young men and that she wears short skirts without any underwear -- and here's the penance!

" Father Konfessor says -- "Oh well Hillary youv'e been naughty - so i require five Hail Mary's -- And -- ten cartwheels!"

"Wow!" -said our reporter "Aren't you being a wee bit blasphemous? -AND won't religious Catholics be upset about violating the priviliged and sacred bond between a Priest and his flock?"

"Fuck the flock!" said Gruesome -"It will be bigger than Idol!"

"AND"He concluded; "The FLOCK is more worried about the Priests fucking their kids"

Your Wife IS a MORON Todd

Todd Palin wrote that his wife had put herself "on the line for Joe and yet he can't answer a simple question."
"Joe, please explain how this endorsement stuff works, is it to be completely one sided," he wrote. "Sarah spent all morning working on a Face book post for Joe, she won't use it, not now."

Hey Tod -Joe Miller knows what most NORMAL folks know:

If it takes ALL morning to write a Facebook email endorsing Joe Miller -How long will it take her to get the gist on a Presdent's morning National Security Meeting?

I mean she might consider a time management course along with the brain transplant required for her to become President.

Just be thankful that Miller didn't say what he really meant:

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Hey Tod -get back on your doggy sled and get the little woman and the kids and go kill some fucking wolves.

Morons Running Amuck

Hey -it's ok - we average folks have many desireable and positive attributes BUT Solving the thorniest problems of practical existence ain't one of them.

AND -THAT'S why we try to elect folks who have the brains and depth of character and inate intelligence and education and experience and track records of accomplishment -To do THAT FOR us.

That's why an electorate without the ability to just fucking realize (maybe when they hear Hillary or Obama or Gates or Geithner -or any member of Obama's Cabinet speak to the critical issues of the day)) that Sarah Palin and that ilk are incompetent lightweights who live in the realm of demagoguery and intellectual vagaries - WIll be the death of this great country. ( Fish die and stink from the head down)

Used to be us average morons knew our place - avoiding that far away universe where intellect and competency reign-and usually did not venture out their because it was downright scary (but also respected and hallowed intellectual ground) - A very smart value system that usually prevented psycho crackpots like Palin and Christine O'Donell from becoming legitimate candidates)

BUT BUT BUT - Now the morons are watching fifty hours of crap on TV every week and they think they are as sharp as those quick witted asshole characters - created by clever writers - that they admire and emulate.

It's one great big world of shrewd and light hearted and light brained one liners -AND simplistic social networkesque answers to everything.

AND - when coupled with the brain numbing novacaine of good ole American Christian Moral and Intellectual certitude - Bronze Age mentality begins to become the disorder of the day.

As it turns the common folk towards a dangerous state of delusional denial that is:

Into a thinking and thoughtful and knowledgeable group of people - Who are still only morons!

Think NUTHOUSE

Forgetting How Relatively Stupid You Are

Hey -it's ok - we average folks have many desireable and necessary attributes BUT Solving the thorniest problems of practical existence ain't one of them.

AND -THAT'S why we try to elect folks who have the brains and depth of character and inate intelligence and education and experience and track records of accomplishment -To do THAT FOR us.

That's why an electorate without the ability to just fucking realize (maybe when they hear Hillary or Obama or Gates or Geithner -or any member of Obama's Cabinet speak to the critical issues of the day)) that Sarah Palin and that ilk are incompetent lightweights who live in the realm of demagoguery and intellectual vagaries - WIll be the death of this great country. ( Fish die and stink from the head down)

Used to be us average morons knew our place - avoiding that far away universe where intellect and competency reign-and usually did not venture out their because it was downright scary (but also respected and hallowed intellectual ground) - A very smart value system that usually prevented psycho crackpots like Palin and Christine O'Donell from becoming legitimate candidates)

BUT BUT BUT - Now the morons are watching fifty hours of crap on TV every week and they think they are as sharp as those quick witted asshole characters - created by clever writers - that they admire and emulate.

It's one great big world of shrewd and light hearted and light brained one liners -AND simplistic social networkesque answers to everything.

AND - when coupled with the brain numbing novacaine of good ole American Christian Moral and Intellectual certitude - Bronze Age mentality begins to become the disorder of the day.

As it turns the common folk towards a dangerous state of delusional denial that is:

Into a thinking and thoughtful and knowledgeable group of people - Who are still only morons!

Think NUTHOUSE

Vulgarity An Underutilized Diplomacy Weapon

Now if i were to say that Iran cannot be allowed Nuclear Weapons for the same reasons that you would not give a psychopathic escapee from The California Prison for the Criminally Insane -five gallons of a toxic biological agent -AND a map to the Los Angeles Aqueduct:

I would be accused of a misguided and inappropriate metaphor (even though everyone knows that is why those Maniacal - Death Worshiping Mullahs can never become Nuclear Weapon enriched)


BUT -If Secretary Clinton were to stand up in the United Nations General Assembly and state with conviction:

"Let's cut the crap! -I would rather have Ahmadinejad suck on my beaver -or bang Chelsea -Than for him to ever get control of a nuclear weapon -AND that goes for their whole fucking lunatic Islamofascist Regime"

And then if Obama reinforced that with:

"I'm with Hillary one-hundred percent and can honestly say that i would rather have The Ayatollah Komeini impregnate Michelle -Than for those Fascist Stone Age Mullahs get within range of a Nuclear Missile -UNLESS it was incoming from Tel Aviv!"

OH! Oh! and let's not forget the irrepressible VP Joe Biden who might add: "I can honestly add to those crystal clear comments that i would rather be gang raped in Delaware State Penitentiary -and have my wife be sodomized by A fucking savage Iranian Revolutionary Guard Member -than allow Iran to obtain Nuclear Weapons"

Let me Tell ya -- The debate would end right there and we would be the heroes of the whole fucking world that is worth giving a flying fuck about for calling it straight for ONCE!

Ah -there i go cursing again.

"My Opponent Sucks!" THAT'S My Ad AND I Approved The Message

AS long as snarling advertising messages - designed to burn some ignorant Populist message onto the cerebral cortex of the ill informed and basically lame brain voters:

Continue to function as the primary source for these schmucks in deciding who will get their vote - and lead the country:

Why should the candidates waste time and money?

Just saturate the airwaves with ubiquitous crispy one liners like:

"John Cornyn Is a Red Neck corrupt Moron"

"Harry Reid Sucks Mormon Boners"

"Nancy Pelosi Takes It Up The Gazoo"

"Obama Is A Shiite Imam"

"Mitch McConnel Sucks off Rush Limbaugh"

" Jerkoff Sarah Palin Got A Combined 600 On Her SAT's"

"Sharon Engle Is A Brush Eater"

"Faggot Barney Frank Don't Own A Gun"

"Diane Feinstein Owns A Burka"

"Congreesman Pipick's Tribe Killed Jesus"

"Barbara Boxer Uses A Giant Vibrator"

I mean - most political campaigns have already dumbed down to the ignorant levels of most voters:

So why not just cut out all the pretense of providing useful info to the ignorant voting masses -AND make the ads what they really are:

Fucking horseshit for idiots!

In America It's Ok To Burn Bibles AND The Flag And Your Bra

We should build a fifty foot stack of Old and New Testaments AND include lots of those Goofy Mormon texts too - Throw in copies of The Dao The Bahgada-Gita -Ancient Buddhist texts --The Talmud and even a ton of Great Western literature AND top it off with a few hundred American Flags AND Throw in some Bra's just for fun:

Pour gasoline on generously -AND light it up at night in front of The White House and dance around it in a great big celebration of American FREEDOM and ENLIGHTENMENT:

A demonstration to the world's wackos (and our homegrown Fundamentalists) THAT;

These are just THINGS - The principles they embody become meaningful only through behavior.

No beheadings No stoning --No calls for indiscriminate armed slaughter -- No psychopathic rhetoric or the maniacal drumbeats of Priests and Prophets (except the Beck -Palin Limbaugh - Baynor crowd in America of course)

Because -They are ONLY fucking THINGS AND WE know the difference between an act of non violent symbolism - AND (In Gainsville,Fla.) an act performed by a handful of morons who don't represent American intent (Led by a loony Pastor) --AND

If such an act becomes an excuse to rally ignorant socio-pathic Muslims to slaughter and maim and wage war????

THEN -as reprehensible and misguided as that Florida Pastor's inclinations are -- He does make a point!

We cannot be held hostage to Muslim Fundamentalism!

Just imagine if you had a violent and retarded teenager who threatened to chop you up or stone you to death if you listened to music? - If you didn't wear a body cloak? -If you Criticized a Book? - If you were gay ? --If you had an extramarital affair? -If you watched a sexy movie? -If you wore makeup? If you masturbated? The list is endless!

Would you say; "Oh sorry Johnny - that seems a tad unreasonable but ok I really don't want to piss you off"

Hey - if he's bigger and stronger than you - you might want to wait till you're out of the house and seek protection if you can --BUT:

When you are the strongest nation in the history of Civilization -and being existentially threatened by a gang of Bronze age thugs and their scko Religious leaders?

You throw them out a fucking window!

In America It's Ok To Burn Bibles AND The Flag

We should build a fifty foot stack of Old and New Testaments AND include lots of those Moronic Mormon texts too - Throw in copies of The Dao The Bahgadfa-Gita and even a ton of Great Western literature AND top it off with a few hundred American Flags AND:

Pour gasoline on generously -AND light it up at night in front of The White House and dance around it in a great big celebration of American FREEDOM and ENLIGHTENMENT:

A demonstration to the world's wackos (and our homegrown Fundamentalists) THAT;

These are just BOOKS - The principles they embody become meaningful only through behavior.

No beheadings no stoning --No calls for indiscriminate armed slaughter -- No psychopathic rhetoric or the maniacal drumbeats of Priests and Prophets (except the Beck -Palin Limbaugh - Baynor crowd in America of course)

Because -They are ONLY fucking books AND WE know the difference between an act of non violent symbolism and say - an act performed by a handful of morons who don't represent American intent --AND

An act which becomes an excuse to slaughter and maim and wage war by millions of psycho Muslims.

Which is why -as reprehensible and misguided as that Florida Pastor's inclinations are -- He does make a point!

3 Blind Mice - Faith Hope and Charity

St. Paul’s three abiding guides in the Bible: faith, hope and charity. Mr. Beck told viewers that he walked dazed from the studio, gripped by a new theme. -- His crisis was ending. “I see the landing strip,” he declared. He would apply organizing techniques from the civil rights movement. On the 47th anniversary of Dr. King’s “I Have a Dream” speech, he would bestow citizenship medals for faith, hope and charity.

So if the Republican's/ TheTea Party/ Religioso et. al. - with their Anti intellectual -Anti progressive, master plan -- Based on FAITH and HOPE and CHARITY appeals to you -then i have a better plan for ya.

Bend over and stick your head up your ass where it rightfully belongs -Buried in a dark and smelly hole - Where the light of intelligently designed plans -formulated by disciplined and experienced problem solvers - cannot - and will NEVER shine!

And may god bless you -AND keep you -right there -On Glen Beck's landing strip - From whence you will NEVER take off.

Nagging Israeli Wives Will Kill Palestinian Peace Talks

"Abe -you good for nothing poor excuse for a Jewish husband!" - "You moved me and the kids out here in the middle of the desert -surrounded by angry goyim - in this poor excuse for a home - and you promised things would get better"



" Becky! But Becky! - Abe cried" -- "The land is cheap -we'll make a killing! -The goyim are morons! - For what do they need land? - It'll be ok. - You can have a nice garden and i'll build a swingset for the kinder"



"I told you then Abe -i can't live with you and four kids in a tiny place with one small bedroom and one bathroom -and no diniing area -and no laundry room" - "But - i listened to your pleading like a real schmuck."



" You promised - Becky Becky my darling - soon we'll expand - we'll make a killing! - I'll grow some nice lemons in the yard - and some cabbage for you to stuff - and the air is so clean"



"And Beckela -right over there where that bush is - that is where king David took a nice crap before he killed that giant goyim Goliath!"



"Beckela -my angel -this is the ancient homeland of the Jewish Prophets"



"Well now Abe! - I put up with this place for five years - with the goyim screaming and yelling -and the rotton plumbing - and the sandstorms and the rockets - and:



" Now i'm telling you - You build an addition on this house and put in a swimming poool - Or - me and the kids are going back to my parents in Tel Aviv -and i'm getting my cousin - the lawyer - Moishe Pipick to drain you dry with alimony and child support"



'You can stay out here with the goyim and the prophets - and you can shtupp the sheep!"



So -now you know why the settlement issue will NOT be solved any time soon - AND - why the Palestinians -whose wives only speak when spoken to - cannot grasp the depth of this problem.

Fox TV Announces "Dress The Dwarfs"

Mike (a Dwarf himself)Harnell -ex Prexy of Fox Reality TV -and who is trying to redeem his career with a slew of hit shows ("Dancing With Disabilities" and "Studsy The Queer Bull" for Gay children, among others) -announced from his office in the Venice Beach Bar and Grill today:

"So we have all these hit fashion shows and fashion for Fatso women and all -BUT absolutely nothin focusing on Dressing Dwarfs?"

He continued: "Look at my suit -you think it was easy to make a suit like this? -I have two Dwarf tailors and they can -and will - design the asses off any of those fag designers on those other shows! _Just you wait and see!"

Digibandit Hollywood reporter Elise Mandelbaum asked : "Do you really think folks want to see DWARF fashion Mike? -And speaking of asses -how about showin us the new version of your "Hot Booty Dance"

"Ha ha Elise you hot Jewish Princess - if you want to see my "Hot Booty Dance" join the 15 million folks who have watched me on You Tube smack in the act of getting fired from Fox"

"AND - of course folks want to see my Dwarf Fashion show -Because they will get to see Dwarf Tits!"

He concluded: "And no fucking Midgets allowed!"

From Beck's Mouth To God's Ears

“There’s nothing we can do that will solve the problems that we have and keep the peace unless we solve it through God,” he told “Fox News Sunday.”

He also expressed regret for having asserted last year that Mr. Obama was a racist with a “deep-seated hatred for white people,” a comment that many critics felt undercut Mr. Beck’s assertion of racial tolerance.

“It was poorly said — I have a big fat mouth sometimes,” Mr. Beck said.

Glen Beck has NO concrete ideas -A complete abscence of intellect and wisdom - He is a mean spirited ideologue -A Mormon rabble rouser in the mold of Joseph Smith the Charlatan founder of The Mormons AND:



Along with the ignorant rabble of Bible belters and fellow ideologues like Sarah Palin they have demonstrated to all sensible American's -AND the World - The stark difference between the voices of compassion and reason and thoughtfullness -and the fear and anger and lack of wisdom that inhabit a significant portion of humanity.

Dreary expletives and an idiotic ideology fraught with populist generalities that inhibits rationale problem solving real progress and social justice is their Mantra..

Always been that way with that crowd -Always will

Do Muslim Suicide Bombers Go To Paradise?

Look --The Muslims in NYC have EVERY moral and legal right established since before the Magna Carta to build their fucking Mosque at Ground Zero.

Build away! -Most Americans who are fired up over this are complete assholes -BUT -they are rightfully sick to their stomachs at seeing Muslims blow each other and American Soldiers to pieces because some ignorant and repressed Muslim religious leader says it's ok - And that they will be rewarded by Allah and sent directly to Paradise"

"Hi I'm Allah -meet Mohamma -Welcome and nice job -take a swim -get your dick sucked by a Virgin - let me show you around"

OK -Let's cut the crap -NOW is the time! -Let's heae a great crying out from World Muslim Religious leaders and all those Muslims who REALLY are our friends - That killing innocent civilians -for whatever motivation -is a Koranic No No -and you will be barred from Paradise forever for any such actions


OTHERWISE - pack your bags and get out of Dodge while the getting is good!

Unreasonable and unfair and undemocratic as many American's are behaving -and unfortunately motivated by morons like Palin and Lazio and Limbaugh et al -- They have a right to be confused and pissed off by the barbarism they see taking place in the Muslim world --SO --C'mon -show us the truth and magnitude of morality inherent in YOUR Bible -So that we are sure about it!

Be reasonable -it's not asking a lot to ask you Muslims to prevent your holy book from being used as a tool to endanger Civilization.

Hey -when the rednecks were enslaving and lynching black foklks in America they were spouting Scripture -BUT we had a war over that and 600 thousand Americans were killed in the process of beginning to set things right.

You folks gotta start the ball rolling about stopping the justification for suicide bombing coming out of The Koran!

THATS the Focus for all the nice Muslims we keep hearing about --AND NOW!