King of Blood Spatterers' -Harvey Weinstein - is SOOOO Full of Shit

   From  deadline Hollywood   -Weinstein also said, “I think, as filmmakers, we should sit down – the Marty Scorseses, the Quentin Tarantinos, and hopefully all of us who deal in violence in movies – and discuss our role in that.” 

As a successful screenwriter pal of mine emailed about Harvey’s ‘summit’ call: “Wonderful. It’s going to take place at the corner of Hubris St. and Hypocrisy Blvd, in the city of Sanctimony, right near the Self-Righteous Cineplex.”

Here is Harvey's blood soaked filmography:

Escape From Planet Earth (2013)

Role: Executive Producer

The Amityville Horror: The Lost Tapes (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

Django Unchained (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

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Piranha 3DD (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

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Killing Them Softly (2012)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Love We Make (2011)

Role: Actor

Butter (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer » | Tickets & Showtimes »

My Week With Marilyn (2011)

Role: Producer, Executive Producer

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Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

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I Don't Know How She Does It (2011)

Role: Producer, Executive Producer

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Scream 4 (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

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Spy Kids: All The Time in The World (2011)

Role: Executive Producer, Producer

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Apollo 18 (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

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W.E. (2011)

Role: Executive Producer

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All Good Things (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Fighter (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

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Piranha 3-D (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

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The King's Speech (2010)

Role: Executive Producer

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Crossing Over (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

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Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

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Killshot (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

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Nine (2009)

Role: Producer

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Capitalism: A Love Story (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

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Halloween 2 (2009)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Longshots (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Elite Squad (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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Soul Men (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Reader (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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Hell Ride (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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Alien Love Triangle (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

Superhero Movie (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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Rogue (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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Rambo (2008)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Last Legion (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Captain Mike Across America (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

Awake (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Grindhouse (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Great Debaters (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Manufacturing Dissent (2007)

Role: Actor

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The Mist (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Who's Your Caddy? (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Fanboys (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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1408 (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Nanny Diaries (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Halloween (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Sicko (2007)

Role: Executive Producer

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Scary Movie 4 (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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School for Scoundrels (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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Miss Potter (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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Breaking and Entering (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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Factory Girl (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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Clerks II (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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Pulse (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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Feast (2006)

Role: Executive Producer

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An Unfinished Life (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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Proof (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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Cursed (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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Mindhunters (2005)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

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Sin City (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Great Raid (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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Curandero (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

Derailed (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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Venom (2005)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Aviator (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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Ella Enchanted (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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Jersey Girl (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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Finding Neverland (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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Shall We Dance? (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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Chestnut: Hero of Central Park (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

Paperclips (2004)

Role: Executive Producer

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My Boss's Daughter (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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My Baby's Daddy (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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Scary Movie 3 (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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Bad Santa (2003)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

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Cold Mountain (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Human Stain (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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Duplex (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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Dracula II: Ascension (2003)

Role: Executive Producer

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Only the Strong Survive (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Equilibrium (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

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Heaven (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

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Below (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

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Gangs of New York (2002)

Role: Producer, Studio Executive

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Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

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Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

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Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

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The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Chicago (2002)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Spy Kids (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Others (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Shipping News (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Iris (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

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Daddy & Them (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

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Kate & Leopold (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Waking Up in Reno (2001)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Chocolat (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Love's Labour's Lost (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Yards (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

About Adam (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Committed (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Scream 3 (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Reindeer Games (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Scary Movie (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Down to You (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Bounce (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Highlander: Endgame (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Hellraiser 5: Inferno (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Malena (2000)

Role: Producer

Watch Trailer »

Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000 (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Boys and Girls (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Backstage (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Impostor (2000)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Crow: Salvation (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Texas Rangers (2000)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

In Too Deep (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

My Life So Far (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Outside Providence (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Guinevere (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Cider House Rules (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Holy Smoke (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

She's All That (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Music of the Heart (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999)

Role: Executive Producer

Shakespeare in Love (1998)

Role: Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Mighty (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Prophecy II: Ashtown (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Playing By Heart (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Faculty (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Wide Awake (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

B. Monkey (1998)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Little Voice (1998)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Heaven (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Ride (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Senseless (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

A Price Above Rubies (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Halloween: H2O (1998)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

54 (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Talk of Angels (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Rounders (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Phantoms (1998)

Role: Executive Producer

She's So Lovely (1997)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

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The Wings of the Dove (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

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Addicted to Love (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

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Cop Land (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

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Burn, Hollywood, Burn (1997)

Role: Actor

Wishful Thinking (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

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Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre (1997)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Scream 2 (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Princess Mononoke (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Hav Plenty (1997)

Role: Special Thanks

Jackie Brown (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

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I Love You, I Love You Not (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Air Bud (1997)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Flirting With Disaster (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

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The Pallbearer (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Beautiful Girls (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Cosi (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Scream (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

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Cannes Man (1996)

Role: Actor

Watch Trailer »

The English Patient (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Last of the High Kings (1996)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

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Forgotten Silver (1996)

Role: Actor

Emma (1996)

Role: Executive Producer

A Month By the Lake (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

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Smoke (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

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Blue in the Face (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

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Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

The Journey of August King (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

The Crossing Guard (1995)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Victory (1995)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

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Roadflower (1994)

Role: Executive Producer

Mother's Boys (1994)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Ready to Wear (1994)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Restoration (1994)

Role: Co-Producer

Watch Trailer »

Benefit of the Doubt (1993)

Role: Executive Producer

Into the West (1993)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Night We Never Met (1993)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

True Romance (1993)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Dust Devil (1993)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Pope Must Diet (1991)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

The Miracle (1991)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

A Rage in Harlem (1991)

Role: Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Crossing the Line (1990)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

The Lemon Sisters (1990)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Strike It Rich (1990)

Role: Executive Producer

Hardware (1990)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Scandal (1989)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Watch Trailer »

Animal Behavior (1989)

Role: Co-Executive Producer

Light Years (1988)

Role: Director

Playing for Keeps (1986)

Role: Director, Music Producer, Screenplay, Producer

Mansfield Park (1983)

Role: Executive Producer

The Burning (1981)

Role: Producer, From Story

White Rock (1977)

Role: Producer

President Clinton Documentary

Role: Co-Producer

Stories of Lost Souls

Role: Executive Producer

U Want Me 2 Kill Him?

Role: Executive Producer

August: Osage County

Role: Producer

Untouchable (Remake)

Role: Producer

Sin City 2

Role: Executive Producer

The Promotion

Role: Executive Producer

One Chance

Role: Executive Producer

The Kid Makes the Picture

Role: Actor

Arabs Muslims - Literally - Full of Shit - says New Study on Constipation

   just in -digibandit exclusive breaking news - - Israel May Drop Stool Softeners Over Middle East

 ONE good please Allah

 A  study designed to analyze the roots of violence in the Arab Muslim World has concluded that eighty-nine percent of this group suffer from extreme constipation.

"Dr Moishe Pipick stated " these folks are literally REALLY JUST FULL of SHIT! -- and you don't have to be a Rocket Scientist to know how that can affect your behavior 

AND the attitude and actions of their violent Religious leaders is exacerbated  in a culture where most people BELIEVE their bullshit (oops a pun)) "




"And" said Dr. Pipick -'The Mullahs are very fond of Humus which can REALLY clog you up."

 Stooly Airlift

President Obama responded by saying: "If taking a good dump will help these folks chill out  -then lets drop a whole shit-load (forgive the pun) of Stooly Softeners on the Region ".

Tom Friedman,reknowned columnist for The New York Times and respected authority on the Middle East said: "So that's it! - I have spent twenty five years trying to analyze and figure out what's wrong with these people and here we have it, and NOW it makes perfect sense -- they just need to take a good shit -- especially the Mullahs."

ps  Khomeini and Ahmadinejad have not had a good movement since last March according to the study when there seemed to be a sign of some SOFTENING (oops)

Bush-Cheney -Rumsfeld -The 3 Stooges -Lest We Forget

Lest We Forget 

 

My Nephew Dick is a Dick

It should come as no surprise to anyone who has followed Dick Cheney's performance as Vice President -- That the Bandit has learned that he is in fact -- the nephew of the famous Three Stooge's member-- -- "Curly."

President Bush said "I knew he reminded me of someone -- i am a big fan of The Stooges yuk yuk yuk".

Ex Defense Chief Donald Rumsfeld and an old pal of Cheney said "Yep -- as a matter of fact when i was younger and had lot's of hair i strongly resembled Mo . -- And it is strangely coincidental that the President looks a lot like larry!"

So there you have it -- Bush Rumsfeld and Cheney -- Larry - Mo - and Curly -- the Three Stooges of American foreign policy!

Posted 9th October 2007 by Dave Nelson

Mutant Zombies lead Sad Mutant Puppets in North Korea

 We are Zombies

 “While a welcoming song was resonating,” state television intoned, “Marshal Kim Jong-un appeared at the ceremony site, with his wife, Comrade Ri Sol-ju.”

All Hail Our Dickless leader

 North Korean Rockettes

North Korea remains one of the world’s most tightly controlled police states, with active gulags where defectors say torture and death are commonplace and one where failed economic policies helped lead to mass starvation in the 1990s and widespread food shortages that continue today

 Dickless   Supreme  General

.

 North Korean Zombie Spa

Obama Wants To Tax Fat Folks - Exemtion for Michelle NOT Anne Romney

 it's seems Fair

 I won't fucking pay

America's first skinny president announced at a White House press conference today:

"In these tough times we can't have forty percent of the population flushing vital resources down the toilet! "

"It's a waste of much needed food and energy and toilet paper!"Wants To Tax

"We could eliminate 78 million acres of deforestation - which will help fight global warming!"

"Every time a fat person takes an unecessary dump - it adds to to our
carbon related problems - eating too much and shitting too much is NOT green - it's brown!"

He continued: "And - fat folks do more drugs and drink more alcohol - and commit more crimes - and raise fat kids - and overwhelm the health care system with all kinds of obesity related diseases, both physical and mental in nature."

"I am asking Congress to increase taxes - incrementally by weight - on ALL obese Americans with a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 130 !"

"We will then give the additional tax income to non-fat - middle class homeowners." who are in trouble with their mortgages."

Candy Crowley of CNN news (who would certainly get a huge tax increase under his plan) asked Obama if his wife Michelle would be exempt from the "Fat Tax?"

Obama said that his wife was not FAT - but that she only had a large black ass - and that since that was a natural aesthetic attribute it would qualify as an exemption - along with large - but perfectly proportional tits." - as long as their BMI stayed within ten percent of the overall BMI."

Obama laughed and told Candy;" Unfortunately i don't think you will qualify as an exception with THAT barn door you are carrying around behind ya - heh! heh!"   - Oh and neither will Anne Romney -thats for sure- (The press corps really cracked up at that point.)

"Oh - and dont think Secretary of State Clinton is going to get any special consideration - it's either pay your taxes - or curb your shitting!"
"What a cool bumper sticker - and ad campaign" - concluded Obama.

Michelle Bachman - Those Sick/Mad Eyes Say it ALL

I need My meds

  NY Times editorial  -"What I find most fascinating about Michele Bachmann — and there are many, many more where she came from — is that she presents herself as a godly woman, humbly devoted to her Christian faith. I’d like to meet that god, and I’d like to understand that Christianity.

Does it call for smearing people on the basis of flimsy conspiracy theories? That’s what Bachmann just did to Huma Abedin, an aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, by essentially suggesting she might be a mole for the Muslim Brotherhood.

Does it endorse scaring young women away from immunizations that could spare them serious illness? Bachmann did that during her memorable presidential campaign, when she blithely drew an unsubstantiated link between a vaccine for the human papillomavirus and mental retardation.

Does it encourage gratuitously divisive condemnations of Barack Obama as “anti-American,” one of many incendiary phrases in her attacks against him in 2008? 

And does it compel a war against homosexuality waged with the language and illogic she uses?

She has said that gay men and lesbians are dysfunctional products of abuse and agents of “sexual anarchy,” 

and when the singer and songwriter Melissa Etheridge was battling breast cancer years ago, Bachmann helpfully chimed in: “This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian.”

Bachmann’s concept of Christian love brims with hate, and she has a deep satchel of stones to throw. From what kind of messiah did she learn that?"

Catholic Holy Men Would Cornhole God If he Bent Over

 god doesn't care about cornholing children

 

 Hi father -bend over

Philadelphia Church Official Sentenced to 3 to 6 Years for Covering Up Child Sex Abuse

Msgr. William J. Lynn, the first Roman Catholic official in the United States to be convicted of covering up sexual abuses by priests under his supervision, was sentenced to three to six years in prison on Tuesday.

Monsignor Lynn, 61, a former Cardinal’s aide, was found guilty on June 22 of one count of endangering a child, after a trial lasting more than two months that revealed an effort lasting decades by the Philadelphia arc hdiocese to play down accusations of child sexual abuse and avoid scandal.
 

"Internet Disorder" Baby Born With Froggy Eyes and No Penis

 Better to Surf With

Stuart Crabb, a director in the executive offices of Facebook, naturally likes to extol the extraordinary benefits of computers and smartphones. But like a growing number of technology leaders, he offers a warning: log off once in a while, and put them down.

Enlarge This Image

Annie Tritt for The Nwe York Times

Soren Gordhamer is the organizer of Wisdom 2.0, an annual conference about the pursuit of balance in the digital age.

In a place where technology is seen as an all-powerful answer, it is increasingly being seen as too powerful, even addictive.

The concern, voiced in conferences and in recent interviews with many top executives of technology companies, is that the lure of constant stimulation — the pervasive demand of pings, rings and updates — is creating a profound physical craving that can hurt productivity and personal interactions.

“If you put a frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, it’ll boil to death — it’s a nice analogy,” said Mr. Crabb, who oversees learning and development at Facebook. People “need to notice the effect that time online has on your performance and relationships.”

 more time for online pleasure without dick

The insight may not sound revelatory to anyone who has joked about the “crackberry” lifestyle or followed the work of researchers who are exploring whether interactive technology has addictive properties.

Jesus and St. Paul Announce Their Wedding in Malibu,California

 Oh Paulie Tonight's THE Night

We Can Adopt a Jew

At last the Homo icons of Christianity are at Peace -As a California Judge opened the door of marriage to all of God's children;

And -ALSO - ironically - to Jesus and St Paul -both well known homo's in their time on Earth -who have always said they would like to be wed together in Southern California.

So while the moron Mormons -along with all the other Neanderthals on the religious right -and the whole Rush(Oxycotin) Limbaugh and Fox News crowd cries about the end of the world at the hands of the progressives:

Jesus and Paul will be in a Honeymoon suite in Malibu -fucking each other in Marital Ecstasy.

The big question is -who is Mohammad the greatest Moslem homo gonna hook up with?
Maybe Krishna?

NRA says Whites (only) Should Own Flame Throwers and Artillery

This from the wimpy NY Times said NRA honcho Clem Snout:

"What is the matter with us? Are we really helpless in the face of the astounding toll that guns take on this society? 

More than 30,000 people die from gunfire every year. Another 66,000 or so are wounded, which means that nearly 100,000 men, women and children are shot in the United States annually. Have we really become so impotent as a society, so pathetically fearful in the face of the extremists, that we can’t even take the most modest of steps to begin curbing this horror? 
Where is the leadership? We know who’s on the side of the gun crazies. Where is the leadership on the side of sanity? 

For starters, assault weapons should be banned. Their raison d’être is to kill the maximum number of people — people, not animals — in the shortest amount of time"

"Well that's just a bunch of liberal crapola" said Clem Snout the NRA president"
He continued, "The more firepower in the hands of white American's the better - and i mean even kinda weirdy WHITE Americans! -- If a few folks get nailed along the way well that's just like my Momma used to to say:

"Clem -if you wanna make an Omelete you gotta break a few eggs"

Mr. Snout continued" "Matter of fact we need WHITE America to wake the fuck up and start investing in REAL firepower because when the Jews and Africans and Mexy's and homo's start swarmin all over us it's gonna take some Howitzers to set em back on their asses"

"It's like Sarah always says -"Don't retreat --RELOAD!" said Stout "AND i don't see nothin in the Constitution says a white American caint own a Howitzer or even a flame thrower -or mount a set of quad fifties on his pickup truck"

"Next year the NRA will seek legislation to REQUIRE every White man (non Jews or Homos)) to carry a gun at all times except when he's humpin his old lady and then SHE has to have one handy and keep one eye peeled for trouble"
'Vigilance is the answer" concluded President Snout.

Paterno Statue to be Replaced With Giant Beaver

 Save A Tree Eat A Beaver

After a plane flew over the Penn State campus several days last week trailing a banner that said, “Take the statue down or we will,” some students set up camp to guard the monument from vandals. Others moved on, changing the name of their game-day tent city outside Beaver Stadium from Paternoville to Cornholeville.

And it was announced today that the original sculptor of The Paterno statue - Angelo Di Mario -will begin work immediately on a Giant Beaver Statue with the inscription:"

"Save A Tree Eat A Beaver" 

 I miss Jerry and Joe

Di Mario stated: "The emphasis now will be placed on normal  pussy related sex -not on cornholing children!"

Asked about the pressure for him to create a statue of Paterno cornholing a young boy Di Mario replied:

"It would be very hard to capture that in an ascetic way"

Pope Benedick Approves Condoms for Anal Sex ONLY

 

 itsa hokay to cornhole  with condo

While the christian Rednecks are trying their darndest to keep condoms out of the hands of women and off the dicks of men  for contraception purposes  -The POPE! - That shining beacon of Medieval logic has made a dramatic announcement:

We do notta wanta to hava  a spreada of Aidsa  throughouta the Worlda -and amonga 40% of our Priests who are gay and might give the aidsa to some nice Altar Boysa - SO:

I herebye stata thata from now on -ina the power vested in me bya Goda I proclama:

"Men canna use the Condomas whena they hava ANAL sexa ONLY!"
Amena  and remember no cheating and using the condomas fora you wifas or girlfriends or you go straight to Hella with the Jews.

Jewish Wife Nagging Better than Water Boarding says CIA

 anything but the nagging Jewess

Agent Lance Himmler - an experienced CIA torturer - has divulged his initial experience with a revolutionary new torture technique - "American Jewish Wife Nagging".

He reported on the method yesterday - at a briefing of the Joint Chiefs of Staff - which the President and Secretrary of Defense Panetta and Hillary Clinton attended.


"Sustained nagging by an American wife - preferably a miserable Jewish housewife (hey and no anti-semitism intended - some of my best friends in the CIA have been driven nuts by nagging waspy wives) - is the most effective torture application that i have witnessed in my thirty years of trying to crack the toughest terrorist nuts around the world!"



He recounted; "Well -- we had this Al Quaeda leader who was sitting on some highly sensitive intel - and he would not give an inch! - We waterboarded him - we crushed his toes with a hammer - we put a pigs snout up his butt ( you know they hate pork) - we lit up his nuts with electrical charges - we put sulphuric acid on his left eyeball -- and then we got rough with this guy -- and NOTHING - he spit at us!"


Officer Himmler continued; "Well -i'm here to tell you - we brought in Elise Mandelbaum - closed the door - and within fifteen minutes this guy was screaming for his Momma!

And - when Mrs. Mandelbaum gave him another dose of "you no good lazy worthless bum - get a job - your'e poor wife should have married a Jewish Doctor - you failure - you fat weak spineless lazy loser ..... on and on......."

"Well - this guy begged for a map and a pointer and said he would give us everything we wanted - if only she would shut up!"



"I mean - she saved us hundreds - maybe thousands of lives! You gotta understand - it's hard enough for an American to deal with this kind of nagging - but - these Muslims have never heard a woman say anything but "Yes Mohammad - anything you want - please kick me or rape me again"


"I mean - here's a guy who has been killing and maiming since he was ten years old - his eyeball is hanging out of the socket and his nuts are sizzling from the electric shocks - and all his teeth have been kicked in and his toes are all mashed up - and he tells us to get fucked!"

"But - twenty minutes with Elise Mandelbaum from Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn N.Y - and he's crying like a baby and giving up his family and friends just to make her shut the fuck up."


"Oh - and get this - i say to Elise - "You have performed a major contribution to your country in the war on terror - you have cracked open one of our toughest Al Quaeda terrorists."



"And she says to me - "Let me tell you Mr. - these Muslims are a bunch of weak babies and i don't understand how you let them get away with all this terror business?"


She concluded, said Himmler; " My Abe Mandelbaum is a weak piece of shit - and he has withstood my nagging for the last twenty years. - And just thank God you don't have terrorists like him running around!"


At this point - the President replied : "Thanks officer Himmler - i want you to recruit a special unit of the most viscious nagging American Jewish wives you can find -and you can start with my mother in law -- heh heh heh!"

Late Breaking News -upon hearing he would be interrogated by Mrs. Mandelbaum -Mr. Baradar -recently captured head of Taliban intelligence in Afghsnistan -asked for a tape recorder and has been spilling his guts to western and Pakistani intelligence agents - "And he has not stopped crying" said Moishe Pipick -head interrogator,

NRA Calls For Arming White Folks Only

 lest we forget

Facing increased pressure for tougher gun control laws in the United States following the recent spates of slaughter ; David Keene -- President of the National Rifle Association said today,"If those (white only) students had been armed those creeps might have got off one or two rounds before they were blasted to Hell!"

He continued;"Every High School and College classroom should have a white student monitor with an automatic weapon -- white teachers should have twelve gauge shotguns loaded with buckshot at the ready:and all white students should be carrying a nine millimeter Glock with an extended clip of ammo."

Also he said; "There should be a flame thrower -- a fifty caliber machine gun and fragmentation grenades stored on every floor in case of a major assault -- just to hold em off until the troops arrive."

"Every school should have a practice firing range and all non white students should be strip searched before entering the school grounds." said the President of the most powerful gun lobby in the world.

Romney and Sanitorium,both strong supporters of the NRA, endorsed their proposals with the exception that blacks and hispanics could carry knives -- but no weapons for Asians or Moslems or Jews would be allowed. (retarded white kids and white dwarfs would be considered on an individual basis).

And what would you expect from an organization that traces it's roots to the Klu Klux Clan?

NRA Strikes Again! -Another Sick Fuck With an Assault Rifle - Congratulations David Keene

P

Police recovered an AR-15 assault rifle and two .40 caliber Glock handguns on Holmes; a fourth weapon, a Remington shotgun, was retrieved from the theater. All the firearms were obtained legally. Holmes didn't resist arrest, and no other suspects were believed to be involved.

• Holmes was reportedly wearing all-black ballistics gear, including a helmet, bulletproof vest, leggings, throat protector, groin protector, tactical gloves and gas mask. Police believe he set off two smoke or tear-gas devices to distract the crowd before opening fire. His car was said to be stockpiled with additional ammunition.

• Various reports have surfaced claiming that Holmes supposedly told police that he was the Joker and sported red hair, but Aurora Police Chief Dan Oates refused to comment on the claims. However, at a press conference in New York City, Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly told reporters, "It clearly looks like a deranged individual. He has his hair painted red. He said he was the Joker, obviously the enemy of Batman."

David Keene NRA President

 assault rifles in EVERY American Home

In 2004 the NRA opposed renewal of the Federal Assault Weapons Banof 1994, which banned many features of certain semiautomatic rifles and certain types of removable magazines – gun control advocates wanted to make the ban permanent and expand it. The NRA succeeded, and the ban expired at midnight on September 13, 2004.^[35]

[edit]

Chris Rock - The Diceman - Whoopi Goldberg And Robin Williams To Head Muslim Comedy Tour

Y'all need some toilet paper 

Chris Rock -who will lead the Middle East Tour said today -

"Hey -you show me a country where there is no stand-up Comedy - and i will show you a violent motherfucking stink hole of a place guaranteed. "

He said; "Here's a typical Muslim fundamentalist joke:

" Arak - did you know my cousin blew a Jew? - No! - What You mean Mucak? - Your cousin blew a Jew? He must be killed! - No! No! No! Arak - Heh! Heh! He BLEW him up with fifty other infidels -- hahahahahahahhahahahha"
Rock concluded; "Well wer'e gonna change all that and bring some laughs to these repressed uptight -no laughin motha fuckas. - Me and my friends - and i hope we don't get blown."

I'm a little worried about Robin Williams - like he starts out with "Hey you stinky sand niggas -you all hear the one about the Ayatollah fucking a Camel in the ass and a Jew comes along and..."

 blow your Camel not us

"Whoa Robin -you fucking crazy motha fucka" I said - "You gonna get us all raped and beheaded!"

And he says "That ain't shit! -Wait till you hear the stuff that Andrew Dice Clay is gonna lay on these folks - he told me that they have to be shocked into a sense of humor and he is pulling out all the stops!"

Rock continued; "And Whoopie said she's goin for the juglar with the feminist jokes -because you know Whoopie don't go for the Islamo's treatin their chicks like dirt"

 y'all got some small dicks

"Whoopie said she's got a whole routine about all the Arab Muslims being latent homos and having tiny dicks and shit like that -and she's gonna hand out Ultra Charmin and she thinks once they stop using their hands maybe they will act more gentle"

Rock concluded "Well either they will start laughing or leave to get their guns - in which case - it's adios time for the whole crew -and fuck their smelly nasty homo Islamo Fascist Muslim asses!"

"The Cornhole Camper's" Are on The March - fuck the Boy Scouts

 future cornhole camper

C'mon all you nature lovin Homos -get motivated and start your own club -"The Cornhole Campers"

Bonfires and Weiners were just made for an outdoor Cornholing festival.

Start recruiting - let all the kiddies know they can come out of the closet into the Great Outdoors where they can eat brush and cornhole till the cows come. home.


oh -and all currently closet Homo Boy and Girl Scouts can join in leadership positions due to their prior experience.

Anne Romney Tells Mitt - "Christy is A Fat Fucking Loudmouth"

 I need a Burrito BAD!

 At a swank dinner party for her Drissage buddies Anne Romney was overheard giving Mitt some advice:

"That Chris Christy is too fucking fat Mittsy ( waspy term of endearment) - i mean my god Mittsy -you would have to hire an aide to tie his shoe laces for him."

"Now Now said Mittsy" - he has very strong credentials among the somewhat deranged right wing elements of our party."

"WELL Mittsy!" said Anne - "That fat loudmouth prick is not coming to any party i have"

"Now Now Anntsy" (waspy term of endearment)"said Mittsy - someone might overhear you"

"Well fuck them  Mittsy!" said Anntsy " Just as long as i never see that fat fucking loudmouth sitting in the VP's office"

"Oh -and you would have to get special chairs to hold his fat fucking ass!"

Remembering When Jane Fonda said"CUNT" on National TV

Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.

I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."

She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"

Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."

But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"

"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"

I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."

"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"

Kid's today!

Nagging Jewish Housewives Decide Fate of Palestine

 expand or divorce

"Abe -you good for nothing poor excuse for a Jewish husband!" - "You moved me and the kids out here in the middle of the desert -surrounded by angry goyim - in this poor excuse for a home - and you promised things would get better"



" Becky! But Becky! - Abe cried" -- "The land is cheap -we'll make a killing! -The goyim are morons! - For what do they need land? - It'll be ok. - You can have a nice garden and i'll build a swingset for the kinder"


"I told you then Abe -i can't live with you and four kids in a tiny place with one small bedroom and one bathroom -and no diniing area -and no laundry room" - "But - i listened to your pleading like a real schmuck."


" Becky Becky my darling - soon we'll expand - we'll make a killing! - I'll grow some nice lemons in the yard - and some cabbage for you to stuff - and the air is so clean"


"And Beckela -right over there where that bush is - that is where king David took a nice crap before he killed that giant goyim Goliath!"


"Beckela -my angel -this is the ancient homeland of the Jewish Prophets"


"Well now Abe! - I put up with this place for five years - with the goyim screaming and yelling -and the rotton plumbing - and the sandstorms and the rockets - and:



" Now i'm telling you - You build an addition on this house and put in a swimming poool - Or - me and the kids are going back to my parents in Tel Aviv -and i'm getting my cousin - the lawyer - Moishe Pipick to drain you dry with alimony and child support"


"You can stay out here with the goyim and the prophets - and you can shtupp the sheep!"



So -now you know why the settlement issue will NOT be solved any time soon - AND - why the Palestinians -whose wives only speak when spoken to - cannot grasp the depth of this problem.

Eden Eats Pussy premieres on Cooking Channel

 I Love Brush

A new lesbian culinary show on Cooking Channel travels to US cities in search of gay female chefs when Eden Eats Pussy premieres August 17 at 10p.  


World traveler and foodie, Eden Grinshpan stars in the eight-episode series where she visits a different city each week in search of Lesbo Chefs and original recipes of immigrants and locals and to learn stories of their cultures through food.

 Eden Loves my Bush Pie

"We will learn a lot about food and cooking and get to see Eden get down with some georgeous lesbo chefs all over the world." said Cooking Channel's Sr.Vp of original programming - Gayle Lapper. 


Eden Eats Pussy is produced by Noise Productions Inc.

Mormon's Founder Joseph Smith Was a Nutcase

This is the 75th year that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been staging the Hill Cumorah Pageant, at the very place where, according to the church’s history, Joseph Smith found the golden plates on which were written the Book of Mormon in the 1820s. (Joe was a horny Polygamist and snake-oil salesman -and all around cookoo clock)

Now - This fairy Tale is what Mitt Romney Believes:

The Book of Mormon has been called the longest and most complex of Smith's revelations.^[283] The Book of Mormon is organized as a compilation of smaller books, each named after its main named narrator or a prominent leader. It tells the story of the rise and fall of a religious civilization beginning around 600 BC and ending in 421 AD.^[284] The story begins with a family that leavesJerusalem, just before the Babylonian captivity.^[285] They eventually construct a ship and sail to a "promised land" in the Western Hemisphere.^[286] There, they are divided into two factions: Nephites and Lamanites. The Nephites become a righteous people who build a temple and live the law of Moses, though their prophets teach a gospel that is explicitly Christian.^[286] The Lamantites battle the Nephites year after year,^[286] and after a thousand years, succeed in destroying the Nephites. The book explains itself to be largely the work of Mormon, a Nephite prophet and military figure who leads his people in the twilight of their existence, and whose son, Moroni, buries the records written ongolden plates.^[286]

maybe they should ask the American Indians about these tribes?