Red State White Christian Males - Angry and Frustrated By Evolution and Attractive Females

Conservative White Christian Males Deeply Frustrated! -Forced to Settle for Fours and Fives -if they Are Lucky

 

You Must be kidding!

It took 3.5 billion years to create us -we have more connections in our brains than particles in the universe -our bodies contain 60 trillion cells AND our entire biological directive (purpose for existing) is to reproduce - to send our genes downstream into the vast furnace of existence AS nature programmed us and all living eukaryotic cellular entities to seek a mate and to procreate!
AND those female mates are programmed to be attractive to a male  AND here is the problem for most Southern Christian Men - those females are programmed to be attracted to THOSE MALES with the strongest indicators of being able to produce strong offspring AND to nurture them SOOOOO??? 

In the Animal Kingdom the females look for the brightest plumage as those indicators of healthy genetics and overall reproductive strength -  AND IN THE HUMAN KINGDOM  these attractive females ALSO look for physical attractiveness ( human plumage) - BUT TODAY!!!!! 

With cultural evolution  - AND here's the real kick in the nuts Homer - the gals look for signs of success like EDUCATION - INTELLIGENCE - AND - FINANCIAL STABILITY  - SOOO - if you were a non or fairly attractive male (fat and kinda goofy is not strong plumage in any case) with a shitty or even meager kinda job and you had no financial stability (let alone a pile of dough and bling) and were not too SMART like most Southern Christian Men :

you USED to be able to hook up with a kinda fairly attractive mate BUT those days are over Clem!

YOU ARE NEVER Again GONNA FUCK AN ATTRACTIVE FEMALE! --

and for sure you are never gonna fuck that 8-9 0r 10 (or any chick remotely in that vicinity) that you dream about  AND THAT all those OTHER guys  - (mostly from Blue States which really hurts) ARE hooking up with AND SOO - you all become obsessed with other things to take your minds off the core problem:

  ya all's lack of desireability by and repellant nature to - hot females
By Joining in with and forming up in groups with other Similar Male's who also like you will NEVER get that attractive mate

A "We Only Get Three's and Four's" Fraternity of Southern White Conservative Frustrated and Angry Christian Men


Sharing that anger and other obsessions and other Moronic behavior which act as coping mechanisms (which take the sting out of your crushed balls) - LIKE:

Guns - Rabid Religion -  Paranoid Conspiracies - Hunting -  and Nascar (lot's of noisy shit is a godd distraction)) - Drugs and Booze - Violent Treatment of Kids and Wives - Crime - etc.  - Oh well you get the picture dontcha Mervin?

---

Sorry Guys - You are a bunch of losers -stick with the fours!

OH -and just extend this Male Loser syndrome driven by sexual rejection across the Globe and you can see it's deadly ramifications ESPECIALLY in places where 99% of The Male Popuation are considered COMPLETE genetic losers by the hottest females which is why they lock them up and treat them like shit!

I want a smart cock with money!

 

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Celebrities Who Will Have Anal Sex On Mother's Day

 Happy Mother's Day To All

 Hi Mom

Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PM
at 2:43 PM

Eustace Conway Cornholes Grizzly On History Channel -Where History LIVES

Eustace Conway to Cornhole a Grizzly in " Extreme Gay Mountain Men"

New wilderness series   Extreme GAY Mountain Men debuts May 31 at 10p on HISTORY.  The eight-episode series follows Eustace Conway, who has lived more than 25 years off the land in North Carolina's Blue Ridge Mountains and other mountain men who have chosen to live off the grid and follow a GAY wilderness lifestyle.  

Conway does his own lumbering, tanning and blacksmithing and lives primarily on what he can grow, fish or hunt OR STEAL.  The series also profiles Tom Oar who lives on the Yaak River in Montana and Marty Meierotto who lives in the northern range of Alaska AND we will see plenty of Brokeback Mountain cornholing  - wilderness style.

In one scene we see Conway and Tom and Marty lined up humping Wild Mountain Sheep holding on to their horns as they try to buck free.


"My goal is to cornhole a Grizzly!" said Conway -but i'll settle for Tom and Marty while forging a raging River  anyday -heh heh"

"It is a very unique way to communicate with the Natural World and we know our History audience will be very engaged with this program" said Conrad Dickle - VP programming at The History Channel

Posted  digibandito digibandit

The Digibandit

"Corned Beef on Wry"

The Onion With Balls! - digibandito.com

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Golden-Stool/157970981028939?sk=page_insights

"do unto others what you would have done unto you if you were not so full of shit"

http://digibandito.com/index.html

Ever Think About The earth's FIRST Mother?

Who Was the First Mother?

IT'S MOM'S DAY again AND MY WEIRD MIND IS THINKING ABOUT THE FIRST MAN AND WOMAN WHO BLUNDERED INTO A SEXUAL UNION -- CULMINATING NINE MONTHS LATER IN THE "EARTH'S FIRST MOTHER." (AND SUBSEQUENT FIRST MOTHER'S DAY)

Now if your a member of the Adam and Eve crowd or you still believe in the tooth fairy and a personal god please stop reading -- you are delusional and have better things to do -- like seeing a Doctor.

But for those of us who like to ponder weird shit it might be fun to consider how that first sexual union occurred?

A big burly apish hominid has woken up in great discomfort because his penis is throbbing against a stone on the bare earth with some leaves and moss on it -- the forerunner of the sealy posturepedic mattress. "Oye vey!" he groans, and awakens the guy next to him -- who he doesn't realize is actually a female. She looks exactly like him but with a different chest and a different genitalia arrangement -- but since no one understood anything back then there was no reason for alarm -- only wonderment. (lucky them)

The unbeknownst female called Tzitsckas (the strange chested one) Say's; "Vooz machsta (what's up) Oorgy?" To which Oorgy replied; "Mine shticklach es grovnen!(my stick is growing).

To which the soon to be first impregnated female replies; " Ach mine tuchas ess grovnen shticklaken" (oh shit - it's growing into a big stick!)

And standing up and saying words in the ancient cave Yiddish that have echoed down through the eons -- i said them myself only last week (and i translate) "Stand back Tzitsckas --i don't know how big this will get."

And -- at an engorged thirteen inches it slowed,and finally stopped at sixteen inches. (a phsical trait which only exists today in black athletes).

Well here's where Genetics and DNA took over, as Tzitsckas cried out! And i'm using the original cave Yiddish here to emphasize and honor the Ancient request that men have been hearing, from women. for over three hundred thousand years in thousands of languages: -- but this was the first time! -- "Oh Oorgy , ich nam so hornen please shticken ein huge lognin ent me !" (Oh Oorgy, i'm so horny -please stick your huge stick ( later becomes 'Dick') -- in me"

And when Oorg climaxed he let out a thunderous cry across the Tundra -- "Whoopee" (the ancient origin of the word pussy which evolved from '"oopee" to "pooshme"to '"pussy woopee" to finally "pussy wipped' and 'pussy"

Well,nine months later Oorg and Tzitsckas had a twenty two pond baby boy they named Irving (the first Jew) --and one year later celebrated the Earth's -- first Mother's Day.

And for those of you who are wondering where Oorg and Tzitsckas came from and why this whole chain of events didn't register earlier wih THEIR births and their parents etc. -- well how the the fuck would i know !Maybe they were too high or too dumb? But one things for sure -- Oorg and Tzitsckas were the first ones to do it -- and to REMEMBER what they did.

Happy Mother's Day!

The Digibandit

"Corned Beef on Wry"

Ted Nugent Shocks NRA At Convention! "I am Gay AND I Hate Guns!" - Wayne La Pierre has Heart Attack!

  Ted Nugent SHOCKS crowd on final day of NRA convention -"I am Gay! -AND I HATE Guns and Killing Animals!"

 "it's all been an act to prove i'm manly"

Nugent shocked the crowd -before being dragged off the stage -by saying how gun nuts are mostly sexually repressed white men who are scared and insecure and paranoid about their manhood.

 

HOUSTON - As the final speaker at the National Rifle Association convention in downtown Houston, legendary guitarist and 2nd Amendment rock star Ted Nugent implored an enthusiastic crowd "to throw away their guns and embrace peace and enlightenment."

s

At this point Wayne La Pierre -the NRA honcho had to be put on oxygen and escorted from The Hall  -he was screaming:

"Nugent is a faggot and Gun Hater -oh my god -oh my god -i hope he has AIDS!"

 

Fat Unhealthy - Lazy - Smokers and Boozers - No More Medical Subsidies

Why Should Government Health Care Cover Fat Self Abusing Morons?

  The Price is Right -family outing

  Why should insurance companies/health providers pay out hundreds of billions of dollars for medical deficiencies that are a direct result of Obesity - Poor Nutrition - Excessive Alcohol Consumption - Smoking and all undisciplined life style behaviors with absolute direct statistical links to Heart and Mental Disease and Diabetes and Lung Cancer!

   Why  should  Government pay for illness which directly ensue from the weak self determined choices of folks who just want to act like pigs?

 

Why should insurance premiums be escalated to the point of being unaffordable by average hard working Americans while  gross undisciplined rednecks abuse themselves and their kids?

 

  AND - no more Government payments or charity or emergency room care for all those other overweight fast food addicted and alcohol guzzling and cigarette smoking Christian Conservatives (among others) who don't give a crap about their health and have high rates of heart and lung disease (and mostly obese children)

  OH -and Jesus was thin and active and had a glass of Goat milk and some figs (for constipation) every day. -And he didn't booze or smoke!

 

The Digibandit

"Corned Beef on Wry"

Pray for a Blow Job -It's National Prayer Day - God knows!

http://digibandito.com/1/post/2013/05/pray-for-a-great-blow-job-today-is-national-prayer-day.html

And all you Christian Bible Thumpers who hallucinate with daily prayer -today you can get cured by praying for a great blow job instead

God Knows!

Abortions Create Energy -Save The Earth - UTEROIL ENERGY Announced - From Fetus"

Uteroil - Energy Created from Aborted Fetus' and Placentas - Will Save The World

 Placent Ready for Uteroil processing

The International Energy Association announced today that working with a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT -- they have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.

"Our dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead scientist on "Project Uteroil."
He explained,"For ten years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."

"We now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid -and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.

He went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world, and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide energy market!"

President Obama said today; "The Arabs and Russia and Africans better figure out some new way to pay for screwing their people and paying for weapons -heh heh"

 shoulda been made into Uteroil

When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy, he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."
"But, said the President - i don't wanta see folks creatin a new market by creatin and sellin dead babies for "Uteroil" - Uh Uh! - But them Muslims could probably make a little extra cash and cut way down on their production of future suicide bombers by sending us lots of aborted Mulims to turn into clean energy."

Uteroil could send us back into Tents

As KingFaisal of Saudi Arabia said twenty years ago : "Don't be greedy my Arab brothers - the stone age didn't end because they ran out of stones."

Too late!

The Digibandit

"Corned Beef on Wry"

FIRST Animated Film for Gay Children - From Dreamworks

DreamWorks Announces 'StudsyThe Queer Bull" Animation for Gay Kids

Steven Spielberg head of DreamWorks announced; “We are in production on the first gay themed animated film for gay Children !" 'Studsy The Queer Bull', “It's about ‘Studsy’ -- a prize Angus Bull who prefers young bull’s and steers over cows. We were thinking of calling the film, ‘The Queer Steer’ -- but technically he’s a bull (obviously not castrated) and hung like a Moose. As a matter of fact ‘Studsy’ would fuck a Moose as long as it’s a MALE Moose, and he even tried ,several times during filming, to get at me.” Chimed in Katzenberg the ex head of Disney Animation who is a humanoid version of Studsy

He continued; “Our research shows that twenty to thirty percent of Americans under the age of seven years old have strong homosexual tendencies,and child psychologists are certain that they are torn apart emotionally between openly adopting a gay lifestyle or “closeting” their emotions in an oppressive hetro dominated environment. –‘Studsy’ will instill pride and  identity resolution in young closeted gay children and help them ‘break out” -- just as ‘Studsy’ does in a very compelling scene where he is supposed to impregnate a group of prize cows,but ‘breaks out’ ( a metaphor for his closet) of the paddock and charges into the meadow --- where he proceeds to shtupp about twelve young bulls and eight steers in a violent release of pent up frustration .”

 Studsy Is OUR Hero

Spielberg added, “ Now you have got to picture this twenty six hundred pound Angus bull corn holing every asshole in sight --the energy and passion and drama ! -- Think the fifteenth round in Rocky one. -- At this point in the test screenings young boys were jumping up and down on the seats screaming, ‘fuck em -- fuck em all Studsy” and they were crying and hugging one  another and some even started masturbating.”

They concluded; “We are so thrilled and satisfied that in today’s exploitive creative environment --especially as far as our children are concerned -- that we at Dream Works are able to produce positive and socially redemptive quality programming that will constructively help our  children -- our most precious resource -- to shape and sructure their lives; as we walk hand in hand with America’s parents to achieve that goal through creative art. And - so, coming soon to a theatre near you, ‘Studsy The Queer Bull’.

And  Bring your tiny future fags to see America’s first Queer Superhero.

The Digibandit

"Corned Beef on Wry"

TLC - Home of Learning Announces - "I Sucked A Saudi's Cock For Big Bucks"

TLC is seeking young unmarried teens (or even some married  pregnant teens) who would like to marry a rich Saudi Arabian for a cable network show 

AND would be willing to blow them and have Anal Sex in an audition for a new Reality Show on The Learning Channel

"I Sucked a Saudi's Cock for Big Bucks"

If interested email tlccasting@gmail.com and include a bio of with names, ages, occupations and city of residence.