Just When You Thought Texas Had NO Culture

The four-day Luling Watermelon Thump in Luling, Tex., starts today, with contests for the biggest melon, longest seed-spitting and speediest eating among the events

Saturday - June 27

421 E. Davis Street, Luling, TX  78648

10:00 AM - Texas Size Thump Parade  -- Tamron Hall of NBC's Today Show is 2015 Grand Marshall

11:00 AM - GATE ADMISSION Free   Children 12 and Under FREE!

12:00 PM - WATERMELON BUCKIN' BULL

12:00 PM - Joe Libby Magician- Children's Tent

Sponsored By: Progress Drilling, Inc.

12:00 - 3:00 PM  Wade Henry Juggler & Magician Roaming the Thump Grounds

Sponsored By H&R Block Tax Service of Luling

12:00 PM - Shiner Hobo Band at the Small Stage in the Pavilion

Sponsored By Watermelonshop.com

12:30 PM - Melon Eating Sign Up in the Pavilion

12:30 PM - Watermelon Carving Contest - Turn in at the Pavilion

1:00 PM - Melon Eating Contests

Ages 1-7

Ages 8-14 Immediately Following

Ages 15 & Over Immediately Following

Sponsored By Kamala Lewis, D.D.S.

Sponsors

VIP SPONSORS

PLATINUM SPONSORS

   

GOLD SPONSORS

     

Don't believe The Bullshit about State Rights - It Was ALL About Slavery!

It was ALL about Slavery

Was the Olde Confederacy awful? Of course. None of the rationalizations for secession or “the Cause” hold up under the slightest historical scrutiny. For example, southerners weren’t complaining at all about “states rights” during the thirty years that they dominated the federal government, until 1860.

The secession declarations of each Confederate state make abundantly clear that their cause was exactly and precisely and almost entirely the protection and promotion of slavery. Top middle and bottom. First and last. 

The very word is praised more than thirty times in South Carolina’s document. Those who tout any other explanation for the treason know no history.

Obama Should have Worn a Dress to Make the Point! - LGBT Pride Month

LGBT Pride Month

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim June 2015 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. I call upon the people of the United States to eliminate prejudice everywhere it exists, and to celebrate the great diversity of the American people.

The Ugly Side of America's Past - Apology Long Overdue!

The bloody evil done by America during the Cold War! The excesses and power mad immorality of the CIA were horrendous.! America has a lot to apologize for! Along with it's success in securing Democracy for many more millions we should be mindful that it came at too high a price for other millions of innocents crushed in that process

http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/Blum/US_Interventions_WBlumZ.html

St.Paul is a Distant Relative of Rue Paul

Ever wonder why archtetypes in western thought like - Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Esther -Heroic Jewish women of the old testament - have no similar role models in the Christian Bible?

 St Paul shoulda come out the closet and saved a lot of strife!

Well -let's look at Gay St. Paul ( ancient relative of famous transgender Rue Paul)

"The war that went on between what he desired with his mind and what he desired with his body, his drivenness to a legalistic religion of control, his fear when that system was threatened, his attitude toward women, his refusal to seek marriage as an outlet for his passion -- nothing else accounts for this data as well as the possibility that Paul was gay."

 Relaltive of Rue Paul

SO what we have is the architect of The catholic Church as a frustrated gay bashing self hating gay man  building gay bashing and mysogeny into The Bible

"To me it is a beautiful idea that a homosexual male, scorned then as well as now, living with both the self-judgment and the social judgments that a fearful society has so often and unknowingly pronounced upon the very being of some of its citizens, could nonetheless, not in spite of this but because of this, be the one who would define grace for the Christian people. 

Grace was the love of God, an unconditional love, that loved Paul just as he was. A rigidly controlled gay male, I believe, taught the Christian church what the love of God means and what, therefore, Christ means as God's agent. Finally, it was a gay male, tortured and rejected, who came to understand what resurrection means as God's vindicating act."

-- Michael Grant

Here;s What The White Supremacists Are Proud Of

their shit jobs -their obesity and lousy sex lives -their guns -their alcoholism -their lack of education -their alcoholism and drug abuse -their abuse of women and children -their rural poverty -and their hate and anger

 Yup -That's what we stand for

"In recent years, extremists have distilled the notion of white genocide to “the mantra,” parts of which show up on billboards throughout the South, as well as in Internet chat rooms. It proclaims “Diversity = White Genocide” and “Diversity Means Chasing Down the Last White Person,” blaming multiculturalism for undermining the “white race.” The white nationalist American Freedom Party has made the mantra’sauthor, a segregationist from South Carolina named Robert Whitaker, its vice-presidential candidate in 2016."

The Onion With Balls

https://plus.google.com/+Theonionwithballs/posts

the onion with balls

  rabelasian vulgarity - irony -satire - dystopian - risible commentary - 

The Golden Stool "do unto others if you are not full of shit" what Jesus really said.

Gun Nut Confession Says It All about These Sad men

Men Like Putin Love Wealth and Power and Eat Sheep for Breakfast!

The sheeply apologists for Russian aggression bleat about why we should care about Ukraine and the Baltic States and shoreing up NATO!

Maybe if they lived for half a century under fascist domination by The USSR and now next to a Russia led by a bellicose sabre rattling ex KBG tyrant who dreams of past Russian Glory, they might understand?

The only broadly humanistic thing that civilization has ever produced is Democracy, and those who we helped to truly attain that freedom deserve our help or we are all doomed to the shifting caprices of a  heavily armed defective men motivated only by by greed and power. 

"Dylan Roof should face a Firing Squad Comprised of Kids!" says South Carolina Governor

Nicki Haley the redneck Governor of America's most backward state said today:

"We want to send a message! We want our kids to know about the effects of violence and discrimination against religion!"

"We also think they should see a live fire demonstration of what a bullet can do to flesh and bones AND SO we are recommending that Dylan Booth be shot and killed by South Carolina's finest youngsters!"

"We will select them based on a State Wide shooting contest!"

Amen

America is headed IN the Right Direction - The Defectives Are Isolated!

We now have almost all the regressive assholes living within the boundaries of a specific region!

Do not be aggravated about their Bronze Age  regressive bullshit and the the morons they elect -It's a waste of time and energy.

They have never and will never change and fortunately they are dying at a higher rate than the more enlightened  are.

Smoking and Obesity and Gun Violence and Booze and Drugs will slowly but surely send them to the dustbin of History.

Meanwhile just keep The Blue State thing rolling along and just ignore these assholes!

Hitler and Stalin Would Have Loved Fox News

Boycott Fox news sponsors and join in the fight to eliminate them!

People are tired of the lies and deceit of Fox News. The right-wing propaganda mill that has been rated truthful only 11% of the time has managed to dominate the cable news ratings without offering a shred of anything newsworthy for years.

JOIN the Fight!

http://www.ifyouonlynews.com/politics/faux-fox/fcc-petitioned-to-remove-fox-news-broadcasting-license-have-you-signed/

Bernie Mania and The End of Bullshit as Truth

Folks are in shock! They're hearing honesty for the first time!

 It might cause strokes as it reverberates through a land of complete bullshit! 

Nothing will make sense! 

 At first They'll think it's all a lie because they only know bullshit.

This is gonna be very traumatic!

What;s this old Jew saying?

Could he be right????

They'll think it's all a lie at first BUT will wonder??? 

What if we've been bullshitted all along??

 Now  they only know bullshit and think THAT is the Truth!

 They'll wonder some more!

Is this some new kind of truth and bullshit is bullshit????

This is gonna be very traumatic!

Folks will be pissed!!!

The Bullshitters will try more and better bullshit!

The revolution will begin!

Carpe Diem and The Search for The Clitoris

 AND now everyone is looking for meaning. 

Boo hoo hoo why am i here boo hoo? 

Why am i not fulfilled boo hoo? 

Why does my wife have a dick and not me? 

boo hoo hoo. 

I'm not on the right path boohoohoo? -

Get some fcking Carpe Diem going will  you?

You! weak assholes!

Dylan Roof's Cornholed Future -As Some Psychopaths Bitch!

 Please No More

Putin may be right about our shit culture!

America is a country with at least 35% of it's citizens completely dependent on drugs and or booze - mostly ignorant angry christians who spend 40% of their lives in front of a screen -shit parents -pampered and undirected and unmentored children on adderall -25% of the entire population suffering from a recognized mental illness - resources controlled and restricted by the top one % AND drowning in GUNS with not even minimal intelligent and reasonable controls. on them.

Dylann Roof

The only reason we manage to exist is because of the 20% of the people who have prospered on a humanitarian and intellectual level and/or creative level who  enrich and stabilize our society, which is in  a serious state of deterioration, with their talent and energy and good will!

These folks are so far from the backwardness of muchof America today that it is truly scary!

Voting For Schmucks By Red State Bible Belting Idiots -They Get What The DESERVE!

dave nelson

 CA Pending Approval

All the actions you identify (article below) as central to a future society which promotes general well being are doable with an electorate demanding leadership from competent leaders.

What we have instead is a red state electorate who want to elect leaders that are no more competent than themselves -limited in knowledge perspective clarity and worldview.

Their outlook is further poisoned by the exploiters - Oligarchs who exploit their fears along with Fox News and Religious Demagogues .

Money (Koch Bros) - Mass Media indoctrination (Fox) and Superstition (The Pulpit) work like a witches brew to insure that the GOP base vote against their very own interests and select incompetent political leaders who would not be elected Dog Catcher in a Blue State!

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/17/opinion/none-of-the-above.html?action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=opinion-c-col-right-region&region=opinion-c-col-right-region&WT.nav=opinion-c-col-right-region

NAACP Should Adopt a "Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy" For White Members Who can Pass

Hey -If you are a white person who identifies as black AND can pass asblack then join the NAACP

Just keep it on the quiet and hope you don;t get ratted out like Rachel Dolezal by your white trash relatives and then join the Brothers and Sisters in achieving mutual objectives.

The NAACP should immediately learn a lesson from our Military when they adopted don't ask don't tell as a way to ultimately achieve full open acceptance.

Caitlyn Jenner to Auction Bruce Jenner's Balls - Says Christies

Myron Clapper -Head of Christies Unique Auctions Division announced today;

"We have completed negotiations with Caitlyn Jenner for the exclusive rights to auction the testicles of his former self -Bruce Jenner."

Caitlyn said at a press conference at The Four Seasons Restaurant in NYC today:

"My former balls will be auctioned and with the enormous worldwide demand for what Christies calls these "Jewels of My Former Manhood" approaching records not seen since one of Angela Jolie's breasts sold for 80 million  - I could no longer resist their entreaties!"

The auction will be carried live on TLC as a part of their latest commitment to deep learning AND The 'Jewels" will be on display for two weeks ate their corporate headquarters in Shitsville ,South carolina.

TLC announces  " I Screwed a Woman Before She/He became a Man!" and/or "I Screwed a Man Before He/She Became a Woman "

Myron Schlocker head of learning for TLC announced today at The TLC Learning Institute:

"We know there are many men and women out there who are seriously conflicted about having had sexual relations with what they thought were Men and/or Women who turned out to be the opposite of what they thought were Men and/or Women and probably think their might be something wrong with THEM!

He concluded "Soooooo we are gonna meet these folks and with and through group therapy try and bring some clarity to this important issue and make another great program about LEARNING!"

And like we always say around here; "TLC -where morons go to learn AND The learning never stops!

Fox Reality "Are Black Teenagers Smarter Than a Chinese Baby?"

 Black Teens are Morons!

 wassup ?

Mike (the midget) Darnell head of Fox TV programming has announced a follow up show to it's hugely successful "Are You Smarter Than A Five Year Old?"
"Are Black Teens Smarter Than Chink Babies?" follows on the heels of a new report from The National Education Institute which revealed that the math and reading skills of black American teenagers is at the Chinese pre- school level." 

Doctor Moishe Pipick of the NEI said : "Chinese babies are significantly smarter than American teenagers and gaining rapidly on American adults --especially minorities." He went on,"American's are fast losing their ability to reason.Only ten percent read books or thoughtful periodicals or even engage in meaningful dialogue -- there lives are like a shitty sitcom."

He continued; "Our study shows conclusively that within ten years --black teenagers will be less intelligent than the grey parrot and that the average American's problem solving ability will be at the level of a three year old Chinese -- or five year old Indian child."

 So -Who should be in cages?

Dr Pipick concluded: "The only exception was among Jewish kids who are smarter than The Chinks and tied with Gooks and Dotheads"