Following is an excerpt from a NY Times review of "Moment of truth" - in case you missed it.
"In the annals of reality television, “The Moment of Truth” may be a milestone. Fox has come up with a cash-prize competition that is neither a game of chance nor a test of knowledge. It’s a pseudo-psychological trial by ordeal in which the contestants trade candor for dollars.
The set is similar to those used on “The Weakest Link” and “Deal or No Deal,” but the object of this game is to prod seemingly nice people to admit bad behavior. As family members and friends look on, the contestant is asked a series of embarrassing personal questions by the host. Truthful answers, as determined by a polygraph, are rewarded by cash, from $10,000 for the first, relatively banal queries to $500,000 for the marriage-busting kind."
My one and only wish - if a God appeared and offered me one - would be to be able to pick the contestants and ask the questions on this brilliant and culture shifting show. (i was born for this)
Imagine? - folks can get rich by simply telling the truth - so - for the first time in recorded history - you get some straight talk about the kind of human feelings that have laid dormant and unspoken since human beings got into primitive language around a million years ago. And back then it was anatomically difficult to grunt to some chick -"Hey -you have a smelly pussy." (even if you wanted to be honest)
The cultural fallout from this program is going to upheave modern civilization -and i predict -for openers -that folks who "come out" on this show will suffer from PTSMOTS or post traumatic stress "Moment of Truth" syndrome.
I mean - you cannot admit in front of ten million viewers; "Yes - everytime i have fucked my husband for the last twenty years i have been thinking of "Buck" Wilson who cornholed me in the back of his Chevy after the senior prom," - I mean - you just don't come home with your pile of dough and expect the hubbie and the kids to say; "Wow Mom -way to Go - you were great let's go shopping!"
Or attend Sundat services with Pastor Herman (who gags as you go to kiss him on the cheek) and your local congregation after.... "Yes - i did give Jose the landscaper a blow job while Bill was visiting his sick sister up in Boise" -and expect them to want any of your famous apple pie.
Or, say, to expect your parents to ever leave the house again after you admit to fantacizing about tying up and gagging Grandpa in his wheelchair - in the attic - and humping your brother in front of him.
Or do you? - It's gonna be interesting - think of the possibilities?- the ramifications?
Well -stay tuned - I've got plenty of questions (and would certainly welcome yours)
Hey - imagine getting the candidates on this show? - I'm calling Fox!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Fred Thompson "Lazy Like A Lox" - a Gift From God for Democrats
Well, back on it's September 10th cover Newsweek proclaimed; "Fred Thompson -Lazy Like a Fox."
Yep - back then the Republican's, and most of the media were all a flutter about the prospects of "Law and Order" Freddie mustering up his great and quiet strength and DA dignity, and getting read to accept the GOP mantle of Ronald Reagan "Messiah."
So sorry - there won't be any grand old partying because Freddy has turned into -"Lazy Like A LOX" - or even better -politically, he's - "Dead As a Lox!"
What the hell happened? - I mean the guy is a TV hero who moves around like John Wayne and his competition is a guy who looks like body parts will start falling off him at any time - another guy who makes Al Gore look like Homer Simpson - another whose only hope is that Bin laden returns for the Empire State building - and a fucking fanatical hillbilly.
Maybe he was too dynamic and cerebral for Reagan lovers?
Hey - Fred Thompson would have blown Hillary or Barak (or both) off the map- so we really got a lucky break here - ( Karl Rove must be chewing on his socks!)
If the Dems blow this one I'm moving to Venezuela.
Yep - back then the Republican's, and most of the media were all a flutter about the prospects of "Law and Order" Freddie mustering up his great and quiet strength and DA dignity, and getting read to accept the GOP mantle of Ronald Reagan "Messiah."
So sorry - there won't be any grand old partying because Freddy has turned into -"Lazy Like A LOX" - or even better -politically, he's - "Dead As a Lox!"
What the hell happened? - I mean the guy is a TV hero who moves around like John Wayne and his competition is a guy who looks like body parts will start falling off him at any time - another guy who makes Al Gore look like Homer Simpson - another whose only hope is that Bin laden returns for the Empire State building - and a fucking fanatical hillbilly.
Maybe he was too dynamic and cerebral for Reagan lovers?
Hey - Fred Thompson would have blown Hillary or Barak (or both) off the map- so we really got a lucky break here - ( Karl Rove must be chewing on his socks!)
If the Dems blow this one I'm moving to Venezuela.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Candidates Shocked By New Poll Results
Well here's some national polling data that is astonishing and revelatory of the acute political savvy of the American electorate:
52% of all men would not vote for Hillary Clinton because of her 'Manatee" like thigh's and fat ankles.They feel that a fat Secretary of State, like Madeline Albright is ok - but they want a woman president with "Hot Wheels"
80% of all blacks think that Mitt Romney is wearing a costume (like a corporate super hero) - ie. "Mittman" - They actually believe that there is a Jew that looks like Ken Lay underneath the costume.
75% of all voters think there is a strong possibility that Rudy Giuliani may be a sex slave to his dominatrix wife Judith - and that she is an arch cunt.
62% of all voters believe that John McCaine is the finest overall candidate but they worry about the possibility of body parts falling off him - or his suddenly becoming a pile of dust.
72% of all male voters think that John Edwards might be only twelve years old - 63% of woman say fifteen.
89% of all men confuse Fred Thompson with that actor in "Walking Tall" and think that he should carry an axe handle. 87% of all women think he falls asleep during foreplay.
76% of all voters think that Ron Paul just woke up from a forty year nap under an apple tree.
48% of all black women think that Barack Obama would look exactly like Sidney Poitier if he gained eighty pounds, and 74% of white women would like to hold onto his huge "chimpy" ears while he boffed them.
90% of all voters think that Dennis Kucinitch is an alien muntchkin from the planet Poland.
78% of all non religious fanaticks think that Mike Huckleberry bites the heads off of rattlesnakes and lights his farts for fun.
Well - as i always say "Never underestimate the intelligence of the average American voter - they just have a sixth sense about these things."
52% of all men would not vote for Hillary Clinton because of her 'Manatee" like thigh's and fat ankles.They feel that a fat Secretary of State, like Madeline Albright is ok - but they want a woman president with "Hot Wheels"
80% of all blacks think that Mitt Romney is wearing a costume (like a corporate super hero) - ie. "Mittman" - They actually believe that there is a Jew that looks like Ken Lay underneath the costume.
75% of all voters think there is a strong possibility that Rudy Giuliani may be a sex slave to his dominatrix wife Judith - and that she is an arch cunt.
62% of all voters believe that John McCaine is the finest overall candidate but they worry about the possibility of body parts falling off him - or his suddenly becoming a pile of dust.
72% of all male voters think that John Edwards might be only twelve years old - 63% of woman say fifteen.
89% of all men confuse Fred Thompson with that actor in "Walking Tall" and think that he should carry an axe handle. 87% of all women think he falls asleep during foreplay.
76% of all voters think that Ron Paul just woke up from a forty year nap under an apple tree.
48% of all black women think that Barack Obama would look exactly like Sidney Poitier if he gained eighty pounds, and 74% of white women would like to hold onto his huge "chimpy" ears while he boffed them.
90% of all voters think that Dennis Kucinitch is an alien muntchkin from the planet Poland.
78% of all non religious fanaticks think that Mike Huckleberry bites the heads off of rattlesnakes and lights his farts for fun.
Well - as i always say "Never underestimate the intelligence of the average American voter - they just have a sixth sense about these things."
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Major Breakthrough In Fossil Fuel Replacement -- Uteroil
The International Energy Association announced today that working with a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT -- they have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.
"Our dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead scientist on "Project Uteroil."
He explained,"For ten years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."
"We now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid -and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.
He went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world, and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide energy market!"
President Bush said today; "The Arabs and Russia and Africans better figure out some new way to pay for screwing their people and paying for weapons -heh heh"
When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy, he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."
"But, said the President - i don't wanta see folks creatin a new market by creatin and sellin dead babies for "Uteroil" - Uh Uh! - But them Muslims could probably make a little extra cash and cut way down on their production of future suicide bombers by sending us lots of aborted Mulims to turn into clean energy."
As KingFaisal of Saudi Arabia said twenty years ago : "Don't be greedy my Arab brothers - the stone age didn't end because they ran out of stones."
Too late!
"Our dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead scientist on "Project Uteroil."
He explained,"For ten years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."
"We now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid -and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.
He went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world, and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide energy market!"
President Bush said today; "The Arabs and Russia and Africans better figure out some new way to pay for screwing their people and paying for weapons -heh heh"
When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy, he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."
"But, said the President - i don't wanta see folks creatin a new market by creatin and sellin dead babies for "Uteroil" - Uh Uh! - But them Muslims could probably make a little extra cash and cut way down on their production of future suicide bombers by sending us lots of aborted Mulims to turn into clean energy."
As KingFaisal of Saudi Arabia said twenty years ago : "Don't be greedy my Arab brothers - the stone age didn't end because they ran out of stones."
Too late!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Is That You Obama? (say's Mrs. Romney)
So Mitt Romney takes a pee break during one of the debates and as he's standing in front of the urinal next to Obama he glances over and out of the corner of his eye he spots the largest dick he has ever seen - i mean it's like a black Anaconda.
"Wow Obama", say's Mitt - "I don't mean to pry but damn you are so well endowed - God, my wife would go crazy if i had a cock that huge!"
"Well Mitt" says Obama - "You can have a giant cock like me - Just do what i do. - Bang your dick against the dresser every night before you get into bed, and in about six months you won't believe how huge it will get."
So that night after a long day of bullshitting the voters , Mitt takes off his clothes - looks around -and Bam! Bam! -he wacks his tiny Mormon dick against his Chippendale dresser."
And - in the dark - from underneath the twenty thousand dollar quilt, made for Marie Antoinette, - his wife excitedly exclaims: "Is that you Obama?"
That's life!
"Wow Obama", say's Mitt - "I don't mean to pry but damn you are so well endowed - God, my wife would go crazy if i had a cock that huge!"
"Well Mitt" says Obama - "You can have a giant cock like me - Just do what i do. - Bang your dick against the dresser every night before you get into bed, and in about six months you won't believe how huge it will get."
So that night after a long day of bullshitting the voters , Mitt takes off his clothes - looks around -and Bam! Bam! -he wacks his tiny Mormon dick against his Chippendale dresser."
And - in the dark - from underneath the twenty thousand dollar quilt, made for Marie Antoinette, - his wife excitedly exclaims: "Is that you Obama?"
That's life!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Who Is Bill Clinton Porking These Days?
I just can't help wondering where one of the world's most powerful and horny men is getting his rocks off these days?
Bill is definitely looking good! I mean this guy was screwing everything that walked when he was twenty pounds heavier and tailed 24/7 by a security detail - and you just know he's not giving Hillary the high hard one.
This guy is so cool - i just hope he can keep the lid on until Hillary becomes President, and then we can all spend the next four years hearing about all the great pussy that Bill is nailing all over the world.
I mean - if this dude can get his pecker gulped by an intern while President, in front of the whole world - and continue to thrive as a political icon and respected world leader -- then he is unquestionably capable, as first man and roving Ambassador for the United States, -- to reach heights of pussy attainment only dreamed of by the greatest cuntmen in history!
I absolutely love and admire this man - i would rather have his autograph than a mint Honus Wagner - i only hope he refrains from humping the wife or daughter of some major Muslim leader.
But they have so many wives and there all pretty ugly - I'm just not gonna worry about it..
Bill is definitely looking good! I mean this guy was screwing everything that walked when he was twenty pounds heavier and tailed 24/7 by a security detail - and you just know he's not giving Hillary the high hard one.
This guy is so cool - i just hope he can keep the lid on until Hillary becomes President, and then we can all spend the next four years hearing about all the great pussy that Bill is nailing all over the world.
I mean - if this dude can get his pecker gulped by an intern while President, in front of the whole world - and continue to thrive as a political icon and respected world leader -- then he is unquestionably capable, as first man and roving Ambassador for the United States, -- to reach heights of pussy attainment only dreamed of by the greatest cuntmen in history!
I absolutely love and admire this man - i would rather have his autograph than a mint Honus Wagner - i only hope he refrains from humping the wife or daughter of some major Muslim leader.
But they have so many wives and there all pretty ugly - I'm just not gonna worry about it..
Monday, January 14, 2008
Fox announces "Candid Catholic Confessions" With Father Konfessor
Fox has got a lot of balls, in addition to being cutting edge creative! Their new reality show will feature a Catholic priest -- Father Konfessor -- who will take confessions and give penances for the pleasure of the television viewing audience.
"What a breakthrough!" -- Hidden cameras in the confessional booth will have audiences around the world peeing in their pants (panties) -- and the penances that Father Konfessor delivers will be more hysterical than the actual confessions;" said Sandy Gruesome,President of Fox entertainment.
This is Gruesom's first major programming move after the resignation of Doug Hertzhog who was not happy in his diminished role reporting to Gruesome.Elise mandelbaum the bandit Hollywood reporter asked him; "What kind of penances will Father Konfessor dispense - give us an example."
"Okey dokey" said Gruesome; "In the pilot we see Hillary Duff very ashamedly confess that she loves to tease young men and that she wears short skirts without any underwear -- and here's the penance!" Father Konfessor says -- " Oh well Hillary youv'e been naughty - so i require five Hail Mary's -- And -- ten cartwheels!"
"Wow!" -said our reporter "Aren't you being a wee bit blasphemous -and won't religious Catholics be upset about violating the priviliged and sacred bond between a Priest and his flock?"
"Fuck no!" said Gruesome --"It will be bigger than Idol!"
I think he's right -- and God will probably laugh his ass off
"What a breakthrough!" -- Hidden cameras in the confessional booth will have audiences around the world peeing in their pants (panties) -- and the penances that Father Konfessor delivers will be more hysterical than the actual confessions;" said Sandy Gruesome,President of Fox entertainment.
This is Gruesom's first major programming move after the resignation of Doug Hertzhog who was not happy in his diminished role reporting to Gruesome.Elise mandelbaum the bandit Hollywood reporter asked him; "What kind of penances will Father Konfessor dispense - give us an example."
"Okey dokey" said Gruesome; "In the pilot we see Hillary Duff very ashamedly confess that she loves to tease young men and that she wears short skirts without any underwear -- and here's the penance!" Father Konfessor says -- " Oh well Hillary youv'e been naughty - so i require five Hail Mary's -- And -- ten cartwheels!"
"Wow!" -said our reporter "Aren't you being a wee bit blasphemous -and won't religious Catholics be upset about violating the priviliged and sacred bond between a Priest and his flock?"
"Fuck no!" said Gruesome --"It will be bigger than Idol!"
I think he's right -- and God will probably laugh his ass off
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Pro Sports Needs Super Performance Enhanced - "SPEED" Divisions
Bud Selig should announce that starting with pro baseball - a 'SPEED" division will be added to each league -where every player will undergo super performance enhanced training.
It will create a titanic shift in sports competition - Remember Drago (the Russian hi tech enhanced boxer) vs. Rocky Balboa (training under primitive conditions in Siberia) -in Rocky V.
Hey - todays athletes are a biological world away from professional athletes of yesteryear in terms of nutrition - phsical training - medicine - rehabilitation - equipment - motivational and coaching tequniques - pain remediation - and even "legal" doping, and let's not forget, recruitment is now from a much wider gene pool.
So let's cut out all this nostalgic whining for the good old days of "natural men" duking it out on the field of professional sports Chivalry. - I say let's seriously juice up a batch of superstars athletes - using every trick in the modern - state of the art bio/robotic handbook - and put em head to head with all the other quasi bionic superstars.
And boy will the ratings and revenues go through the roof -and who knows -maybe David WILL slay Goliath? (and goodbye all those idiotic asteriks)
But don't bank on it - just get used to the idea - your grandchildren will definitely be "Sports Junkies."
It will create a titanic shift in sports competition - Remember Drago (the Russian hi tech enhanced boxer) vs. Rocky Balboa (training under primitive conditions in Siberia) -in Rocky V.
Hey - todays athletes are a biological world away from professional athletes of yesteryear in terms of nutrition - phsical training - medicine - rehabilitation - equipment - motivational and coaching tequniques - pain remediation - and even "legal" doping, and let's not forget, recruitment is now from a much wider gene pool.
So let's cut out all this nostalgic whining for the good old days of "natural men" duking it out on the field of professional sports Chivalry. - I say let's seriously juice up a batch of superstars athletes - using every trick in the modern - state of the art bio/robotic handbook - and put em head to head with all the other quasi bionic superstars.
And boy will the ratings and revenues go through the roof -and who knows -maybe David WILL slay Goliath? (and goodbye all those idiotic asteriks)
But don't bank on it - just get used to the idea - your grandchildren will definitely be "Sports Junkies."
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Susan Sarandon's Colon Polyp Sells For 50k At Christy's Auction House
Celebrity Colon Polyps Fetch Huge Prices
The twin American culture addictions for celebrities and collectibles reached a climax yesterday when a colon polyp removed from Susan Sarandon was sold on the auction market for fifty thousand dollars
A complete box set of her prior colonoscopies along with those of Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton is on the bloc for over one-million dollars" said Dr. Moishe Pipick ,chief proctologist at Hollywood Hospital; where the polyps where stolen from a lab by some enterprising lab. technician.
Irving Mandelbaum, head curator at Christies auction house said; "The colon polyp collectible market has gone through the roof -- it is even outpacing the "star shit" collectible market; which was launched last year by an enterprising septic tank cleaner in Beverly Hills (and reported by the Digibandit at that time)."
Mr. Mandelbaum noted that a DNA certified dump from Oprah Winfrey sold for seventy-five thousand dollars -- but a set of her polops was on the market for over a quarter of a million."It's rumored that a huge Barry Bonds turd may have been sold to Beyonce for over a million bucks! - but he hasn't had a colonoscopy as yet.
He concluded; "Americans adore their celebrities; and for this new crop of super rich folks,with their limited aesthetic development and general dysfunction -- the colon and its byproducts are a natural means to connect with their cultural heroes."
It's a cleansing thought!
The twin American culture addictions for celebrities and collectibles reached a climax yesterday when a colon polyp removed from Susan Sarandon was sold on the auction market for fifty thousand dollars
A complete box set of her prior colonoscopies along with those of Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton is on the bloc for over one-million dollars" said Dr. Moishe Pipick ,chief proctologist at Hollywood Hospital; where the polyps where stolen from a lab by some enterprising lab. technician.
Irving Mandelbaum, head curator at Christies auction house said; "The colon polyp collectible market has gone through the roof -- it is even outpacing the "star shit" collectible market; which was launched last year by an enterprising septic tank cleaner in Beverly Hills (and reported by the Digibandit at that time)."
Mr. Mandelbaum noted that a DNA certified dump from Oprah Winfrey sold for seventy-five thousand dollars -- but a set of her polops was on the market for over a quarter of a million."It's rumored that a huge Barry Bonds turd may have been sold to Beyonce for over a million bucks! - but he hasn't had a colonoscopy as yet.
He concluded; "Americans adore their celebrities; and for this new crop of super rich folks,with their limited aesthetic development and general dysfunction -- the colon and its byproducts are a natural means to connect with their cultural heroes."
It's a cleansing thought!
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Mike Huckleberry To heal Lame In New Hampshire
With the Christian extremists in new Hampshire pleading for some sign of revelation from Minister Huckleberry - he announced today:
"I have been trying not to show off my healing powers during the campaign - but last night The Lord said that he and Jesus agreed that in the interests of getting me elected as President, - I now had a green light to heal some lame Hampshirian's"
.""I told the Lord that most of the folks in New Hampshire were already lame - he said to choose a half dozen of the lamest"
"I hope no one will think I'm showing off, but since God and Jesus say it's the right thing to do - i just have to go along with their plan and hope for the best."
"I asked the Lord if it was okay for me to also heal my very fucked up son - but he said not to waste my time and that i had fucked him up so bad he couldn't be saved"
I get the feelin that God is a dog lover. = And for those of you who have been too busy shopping for more shit you don't need -- Google it up and read all about David Hucklebeebrry. Ole Huckleberry raised a real winner here.(a dog torturer and was recently caught with a handgun going through airport security)
I guess Davey boy musta missed the Sermon On the Mount part of the Bible - like most Christians.
"I have been trying not to show off my healing powers during the campaign - but last night The Lord said that he and Jesus agreed that in the interests of getting me elected as President, - I now had a green light to heal some lame Hampshirian's"
.""I told the Lord that most of the folks in New Hampshire were already lame - he said to choose a half dozen of the lamest"
"I hope no one will think I'm showing off, but since God and Jesus say it's the right thing to do - i just have to go along with their plan and hope for the best."
"I asked the Lord if it was okay for me to also heal my very fucked up son - but he said not to waste my time and that i had fucked him up so bad he couldn't be saved"
I get the feelin that God is a dog lover. = And for those of you who have been too busy shopping for more shit you don't need -- Google it up and read all about David Hucklebeebrry. Ole Huckleberry raised a real winner here.(a dog torturer and was recently caught with a handgun going through airport security)
I guess Davey boy musta missed the Sermon On the Mount part of the Bible - like most Christians.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Secret New Years Resolutions Of Britney Spears Revealed - As She Converts To Islam
The digibandit has received a copy of Britney Spear's New Year resolutions - and here are these astonishing revelations:
I will become a devout Islamo Fascist!
As a Muslim Fundamentalist i will not have any fun - only forced sex with smelly violent men - no more kinky pleasure - no more blow jobs or anal shtupping. (i will really miss that!)
I will hate all Jews and Infidels and Sunni Muslims - and i don't know why and it doesn't matter - hating is good!
I will not engage in any art related activities - Allah does not like TV or Music or Dancing or Books or basically anything beautiful that might take away from worshipping him.
I will recite prayers from the Koran five times a day - it doesn't matter if i understand what I'm saying - most of my fellow Muslims can't read or write anyway.
I will not expose any of my body in public - so i might as well just get as fat as a house like most Muslim women - i kinda like this part but i don't think rice will replace Ben and Jerry's.
I will enjoy having no basic rights - as a woman i will basically enjoy being one step higher on the social ladder than a goat.
It will be fun being hot and dirty and oppressed and totally ignorant - surrounded by violence and watching my children have just as much fun as me.
If i get real lucky one of my children will blow himself up and a whole batch of Infidels - and then he can send for me to join him in Paradise.
Hey - it's gotta be better than my life in Hollywood?
I will become a devout Islamo Fascist!
As a Muslim Fundamentalist i will not have any fun - only forced sex with smelly violent men - no more kinky pleasure - no more blow jobs or anal shtupping. (i will really miss that!)
I will hate all Jews and Infidels and Sunni Muslims - and i don't know why and it doesn't matter - hating is good!
I will not engage in any art related activities - Allah does not like TV or Music or Dancing or Books or basically anything beautiful that might take away from worshipping him.
I will recite prayers from the Koran five times a day - it doesn't matter if i understand what I'm saying - most of my fellow Muslims can't read or write anyway.
I will not expose any of my body in public - so i might as well just get as fat as a house like most Muslim women - i kinda like this part but i don't think rice will replace Ben and Jerry's.
I will enjoy having no basic rights - as a woman i will basically enjoy being one step higher on the social ladder than a goat.
It will be fun being hot and dirty and oppressed and totally ignorant - surrounded by violence and watching my children have just as much fun as me.
If i get real lucky one of my children will blow himself up and a whole batch of Infidels - and then he can send for me to join him in Paradise.
Hey - it's gotta be better than my life in Hollywood?
Friday, December 28, 2007
Play New "Wack Off Or Scratch Off" Lottery Game - Win Sex
Starting in march – in Texas –which has the highest number of scratch off lottery players in the country (mostly poor and uneducated minorities) – those players will be able to win blow jobs and various (and all) varieties of sex acts.
Buck Beefy - the head of the Texas Lottery Association, said in a press conference today; “ The tasty sex offerings will be cross genderized and offer mult-racial and ethnic and even sex with disabled hookers in wheel chairs.” (no illegals allowed of course – heh heh)
A fifty dollar winning ticket will get you a pretty fair piece of ass (a hunnert dollar prize will be a REAL tasty deal) - and for just ten dollars you can get a hand job or a good lickin from, say, old widow Munson down behind the truck stop on I95 – heh – heh”
“Oh –almost forgot – there will be grand prize winners - like a five-hundred dollar hit will get some lucky man or woman or combo (heh heh) a weekend in Dallas with Britney Spears and/or Rush Limbaugh –you might say they’ll be a livin in high Oxycotin – heh heh,”
“You can even pick from a group of those young whores that are all over MySpace (Fox just loves the cross promotion and that some off the lottery proceeds go to the State education fund) –That Rupert Murdoch is a real swell feller.and if this ‘Sex Scratch Off” thang get’s a goin good, he said they will make it into a reality show”
"Scratch Off or Wack Off?" -“ Now that’s A surefire reality show hit for Fox TV -Texas should bring in a pile of dough for their schools - and those young sluts on MySpace will make a lot of new friends.
What a country!
Buck Beefy - the head of the Texas Lottery Association, said in a press conference today; “ The tasty sex offerings will be cross genderized and offer mult-racial and ethnic and even sex with disabled hookers in wheel chairs.” (no illegals allowed of course – heh heh)
A fifty dollar winning ticket will get you a pretty fair piece of ass (a hunnert dollar prize will be a REAL tasty deal) - and for just ten dollars you can get a hand job or a good lickin from, say, old widow Munson down behind the truck stop on I95 – heh – heh”
“Oh –almost forgot – there will be grand prize winners - like a five-hundred dollar hit will get some lucky man or woman or combo (heh heh) a weekend in Dallas with Britney Spears and/or Rush Limbaugh –you might say they’ll be a livin in high Oxycotin – heh heh,”
“You can even pick from a group of those young whores that are all over MySpace (Fox just loves the cross promotion and that some off the lottery proceeds go to the State education fund) –That Rupert Murdoch is a real swell feller.and if this ‘Sex Scratch Off” thang get’s a goin good, he said they will make it into a reality show”
"Scratch Off or Wack Off?" -“ Now that’s A surefire reality show hit for Fox TV -Texas should bring in a pile of dough for their schools - and those young sluts on MySpace will make a lot of new friends.
What a country!
United States To Outsource Prison Population
Well it looks like - if you break the law in the good ole USA -You will do your time in some Foreign country. Maybe India or China if your lucky - but it could just as easily be the Congo or Somalia - or whoever makes the lowest bid to keep you in captivity.
And with a new report showing that one out of one-hundred people in the good ole USA are doin some kind of jail time - this plan comes just intime to help our hurtin economy.
"Jules Hymovitz,head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- well - why not our huge and growing prison population?"
He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot for ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for under five thousand (and if the liberals don't squawk we could probably get some countries to pay us for these folks )"
"Wer'e talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer - and i'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."
He concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."
Outsourcing is a beautiful thing!
And with a new report showing that one out of one-hundred people in the good ole USA are doin some kind of jail time - this plan comes just intime to help our hurtin economy.
"Jules Hymovitz,head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- well - why not our huge and growing prison population?"
He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot for ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for under five thousand (and if the liberals don't squawk we could probably get some countries to pay us for these folks )"
"Wer'e talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer - and i'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."
He concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."
Outsourcing is a beautiful thing!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
A Vacuum - Lots of Time - The Big Bang - Evolution - Genetics - Synthetic Life - Goodbye God
The following is an actual scientific report - as reported on MSNBC - check it out.
That first cell of synthetic life — made from the basic chemicals in DNA — may not seem like much to non-scientists. For one thing, you’ll have to look in a microscope to see it.
“Creating protocells has the potential to shed new life on our place in the universe,” Bedau said. “This will remove one of the few fundamental mysteries about creation in the universe and our role.”
And several scientists believe man-made life forms will one day offer the potential for solving a variety of problems, from fighting diseases to locking up greenhouse gases to eating toxic waste.
Bedau figures there are three major hurdles to creating synthetic life:
A container, or membrane, for the cell to keep bad molecules out, allow good ones, and the ability to multiply.
A genetic system that controls the functions of the cell, enabling it to reproduce and mutate in response to environmental changes.
A metabolism that extracts raw materials from the environment as food and then changes it into energy.
One of the leaders in the field, Jack Szostak at Harvard Medical School, predicts that within the next six months, scientists will report evidence that the first step — creating a cell membrane — is “not a big problem.” Scientists are using fatty acids in that effort.
Szostak is also optimistic about the next step — getting nucleotides, the building blocks of DNA, to form a working genetic system.
His idea is that once the container is made, if scientists add nucleotides in the right proportions, then Darwinian evolution could simply take over.
“We aren’t smart enough to design things, we just let evolution do the hard work and then we figure out what happened,” Szostak said.
In Gainesville, Fla.,
Steve Benner, a biological chemist at the Foundation for Applied Molecular Evolution is attacking that problem by going outside of natural genetics. Normal DNA consists of four bases — adenine, cytosine, guanine and thymine (known as A,C,G,T) — molecules that spell out the genetic code in pairs. Benner is trying to add eight new bases to the genetic alphabet.
Bedau said there are legitimate worries about creating life that could “run amok,” but there are ways of addressing it, and it will be a very long time before that is a problem.
“When these things are created, they’re going to be so weak, it’ll be a huge achievement if you can keep them alive for an hour in the lab,” he said. “But them getting out and taking over, never in our imagination could this happen.”
I can't wait! - Freedom from the mumbo jumbo crowd is on it's way. -- At last!
That first cell of synthetic life — made from the basic chemicals in DNA — may not seem like much to non-scientists. For one thing, you’ll have to look in a microscope to see it.
“Creating protocells has the potential to shed new life on our place in the universe,” Bedau said. “This will remove one of the few fundamental mysteries about creation in the universe and our role.”
And several scientists believe man-made life forms will one day offer the potential for solving a variety of problems, from fighting diseases to locking up greenhouse gases to eating toxic waste.
Bedau figures there are three major hurdles to creating synthetic life:
A container, or membrane, for the cell to keep bad molecules out, allow good ones, and the ability to multiply.
A genetic system that controls the functions of the cell, enabling it to reproduce and mutate in response to environmental changes.
A metabolism that extracts raw materials from the environment as food and then changes it into energy.
One of the leaders in the field, Jack Szostak at Harvard Medical School, predicts that within the next six months, scientists will report evidence that the first step — creating a cell membrane — is “not a big problem.” Scientists are using fatty acids in that effort.
Szostak is also optimistic about the next step — getting nucleotides, the building blocks of DNA, to form a working genetic system.
His idea is that once the container is made, if scientists add nucleotides in the right proportions, then Darwinian evolution could simply take over.
“We aren’t smart enough to design things, we just let evolution do the hard work and then we figure out what happened,” Szostak said.
In Gainesville, Fla.,
Steve Benner, a biological chemist at the Foundation for Applied Molecular Evolution is attacking that problem by going outside of natural genetics. Normal DNA consists of four bases — adenine, cytosine, guanine and thymine (known as A,C,G,T) — molecules that spell out the genetic code in pairs. Benner is trying to add eight new bases to the genetic alphabet.
Bedau said there are legitimate worries about creating life that could “run amok,” but there are ways of addressing it, and it will be a very long time before that is a problem.
“When these things are created, they’re going to be so weak, it’ll be a huge achievement if you can keep them alive for an hour in the lab,” he said. “But them getting out and taking over, never in our imagination could this happen.”
I can't wait! - Freedom from the mumbo jumbo crowd is on it's way. -- At last!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Soon God Will Be Dead - Thank God
So i asked my son this georgous LA Christmas mornin; "Now your mother is a religious catholic and you were christened -do you believe all that Jesus/Revelation/ Divine Deity/Heaven-Hell/ Literal Scripture Miracle/Blind-faith Stuff?"
Thank God - he replied. "Are you fucking crazy Dad?"
So i said; "No profanity in the Digibandit household -and if you don't believe in God where do you get your sense of right and wrong from - i mean why are you such a kindhearted and loving and charitable person?"(the wackos say secularists have no moral foundation)
He said;"Because i'm a fucking normal human being - and for most of these fucking religious asshole repressed hypocrites - Church is just half time in the worldwide video game called " Slaughter The Innocents Because They Are Different" - And, anyway, all the cool people would be cool even if they weren't completely brainwashed into believing that crapola when they were little."
I said; "Stop cursing - here's a check for ten thousand dollars - buy some drugs and take your girlfriend to Las Vegas for New Years - on me. -You have allowed me to die in peace. - I'm so proud of you!"
"Keep your money poppy - give it to some poor folks -and i'll try to stop cursing, but it's hard being around you. -and anyway wer'e working at the Santa Monica food bank on New Years."
God can't last much longer - these kids today are too moral -- Thank God!
Merry Xmas
Thank God - he replied. "Are you fucking crazy Dad?"
So i said; "No profanity in the Digibandit household -and if you don't believe in God where do you get your sense of right and wrong from - i mean why are you such a kindhearted and loving and charitable person?"(the wackos say secularists have no moral foundation)
He said;"Because i'm a fucking normal human being - and for most of these fucking religious asshole repressed hypocrites - Church is just half time in the worldwide video game called " Slaughter The Innocents Because They Are Different" - And, anyway, all the cool people would be cool even if they weren't completely brainwashed into believing that crapola when they were little."
I said; "Stop cursing - here's a check for ten thousand dollars - buy some drugs and take your girlfriend to Las Vegas for New Years - on me. -You have allowed me to die in peace. - I'm so proud of you!"
"Keep your money poppy - give it to some poor folks -and i'll try to stop cursing, but it's hard being around you. -and anyway wer'e working at the Santa Monica food bank on New Years."
God can't last much longer - these kids today are too moral -- Thank God!
Merry Xmas
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Merry Xmas From China - Lead For Tots - And Brain Damage
It's simple - the current levels of lead in Chinese made toys are destructive to the long term cognitive development of your children.
Unanimous recommendations by doctors and scientists are to decrease the amount of lead deemed currently acceptable by over ten fold. (and the Chinks currently violate even the unacceptable existing standards for lead content)
"Oh -I justcan't seem to find any toys my little Amy wants that aren't from China?"
Listen you fucking moron -- little Amy will be drooling all over herself in the stock room of a Chinese corporation when she's twenty one -earning seven dollars an hour - and will give birth to your grandchild who will be ironically Chinese / Mongolian - with a ten pound head.
For Christ's sake go buy your kids some books - or crafts or anything that's made in America without lead paint.
Unanimous recommendations by doctors and scientists are to decrease the amount of lead deemed currently acceptable by over ten fold. (and the Chinks currently violate even the unacceptable existing standards for lead content)
"Oh -I justcan't seem to find any toys my little Amy wants that aren't from China?"
Listen you fucking moron -- little Amy will be drooling all over herself in the stock room of a Chinese corporation when she's twenty one -earning seven dollars an hour - and will give birth to your grandchild who will be ironically Chinese / Mongolian - with a ten pound head.
For Christ's sake go buy your kids some books - or crafts or anything that's made in America without lead paint.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Huckabee Should Start Healing Iowans - Says The Lord
With the Christian extremists in Iowa pleading for some sign of revelation from Minister Huckleberry - he has announced:
"I have been trying not to show off my healing powers during the campaign - but last night The Lord said that he and Jesus agreed that in the interests of getting me elected as President, - I now had a green light to heal some lame Iowans."
"I told the Lord that most of the Iowans were lame - he said to choose a half dozen of the lamest"
"I hope no one will think I'm showing off, but since God and Jesus say it's the right thing to do - i just have to go along with their plan and hope for the best."
"I asked the Lord if it was okay for me to heal my very fucked up son - but he said not to waste my time and that i had fucked him up so bad he couldn't be saved"
"I get the feelin that God is a dog lover."
PS --And for those of you who have been too busy shopping for more shit you don't need -- Google it up and read all about David Hucklebee. Ole Huckleberry raised a real winner here.(a dog torturer and was recently caught with a handgun going through airport security)
"I have been trying not to show off my healing powers during the campaign - but last night The Lord said that he and Jesus agreed that in the interests of getting me elected as President, - I now had a green light to heal some lame Iowans."
"I told the Lord that most of the Iowans were lame - he said to choose a half dozen of the lamest"
"I hope no one will think I'm showing off, but since God and Jesus say it's the right thing to do - i just have to go along with their plan and hope for the best."
"I asked the Lord if it was okay for me to heal my very fucked up son - but he said not to waste my time and that i had fucked him up so bad he couldn't be saved"
"I get the feelin that God is a dog lover."
PS --And for those of you who have been too busy shopping for more shit you don't need -- Google it up and read all about David Hucklebee. Ole Huckleberry raised a real winner here.(a dog torturer and was recently caught with a handgun going through airport security)
Monday, December 17, 2007
Please dear Lord - Send Us A Sign - Destroy Iowa
Boy would i like to be a fly on the wall up in heaven watching the Lord's reaction to the horseshit flowing out of the mouths of America's newest Pilgrims - Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee - as they bob and weave their way through the ignorant religious puke talk that serves as original thinking and constructive dialogue in this goober state - full of fundamentalist morons.
My God - it's like listening to a conversation between a bunch of fucking ignorant hillbillies. Yokels whose search for insight and clarity ended with their childhood indoctrination into a mindset of superstition and magic and miracles. They joined the circus as children and are still traveling with the two headed fat lady and the fire breathing dwarf on their way to Paradise with absolute certainty - in absolute ignorance.
Jesus Christ is probably saying to his daddy -- "Poppy - you let me be fucking crucified so these assholes could manipulate your message of love and salvation and charity into political soundbites ?"
"It's okay my sonny boy - Mitt's goin to hell in any case -and that fucking phony moron Huckleberry? -- I'm gonna have him spend eternity in the shower with Sodom"
Send us a sign Lord - Please - send a plague over Iowa!
My God - it's like listening to a conversation between a bunch of fucking ignorant hillbillies. Yokels whose search for insight and clarity ended with their childhood indoctrination into a mindset of superstition and magic and miracles. They joined the circus as children and are still traveling with the two headed fat lady and the fire breathing dwarf on their way to Paradise with absolute certainty - in absolute ignorance.
Jesus Christ is probably saying to his daddy -- "Poppy - you let me be fucking crucified so these assholes could manipulate your message of love and salvation and charity into political soundbites ?"
"It's okay my sonny boy - Mitt's goin to hell in any case -and that fucking phony moron Huckleberry? -- I'm gonna have him spend eternity in the shower with Sodom"
Send us a sign Lord - Please - send a plague over Iowa!
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Illegal Gang Guns For Gift Certificates - God Bless America
Yep - out in Compton California the gang bangers were getting really out of control so the local government in association with the local fuzz came up with a solution that will go down with the signing of the Magna Carta as a total breakthrough in the march of Civilization!
"Bring in your illegal gun and get a fifty dollar gift certificate to Home Depot" -- no questions asked, and if you think this is another of my deranged digital delusions, just google it up.
Guns are coming in like crazy - but these gang bangers are not stupid, so their turning in their shitty old "pieces" and keeping the Glocks and Kalishnakovs oiled and ready.
"You ain't getting my Glock motherfuckah -for no redneck gift certificate. And the only reason i turned in my grandaddy's flintlock is because i traded the gift certificate for five vials of crack;" said Lubama Meosha a local gang banger.
"Well - what would it take to get you to turn in your Glock?" i asked.
"Hmmm - i would say a big bag of heroine - a case of Colt 44 malt liquor and a blowjob (wit a woman)"
Well what the hell are we waiting for? - A solution to violent crime in America -- at last!"
"Bring in your illegal gun and get a fifty dollar gift certificate to Home Depot" -- no questions asked, and if you think this is another of my deranged digital delusions, just google it up.
Guns are coming in like crazy - but these gang bangers are not stupid, so their turning in their shitty old "pieces" and keeping the Glocks and Kalishnakovs oiled and ready.
"You ain't getting my Glock motherfuckah -for no redneck gift certificate. And the only reason i turned in my grandaddy's flintlock is because i traded the gift certificate for five vials of crack;" said Lubama Meosha a local gang banger.
"Well - what would it take to get you to turn in your Glock?" i asked.
"Hmmm - i would say a big bag of heroine - a case of Colt 44 malt liquor and a blowjob (wit a woman)"
Well what the hell are we waiting for? - A solution to violent crime in America -- at last!"
Friday, December 14, 2007
Rush Limbaugh Endorses Barak Obama - Says Jesus Made Him Do It!
"Nobody really cares about Oprah Winfrey endorsing a black candidate - Obama owns that vote out of the box and anyone with half a brain can see she has the hots for him - I'm sure she had an orgasm during the endorsement ceremony. (maybe two);" said Rush Limbaugh in his extraordinary statement of support for Obama.
Bandit political reporter Elise Muffkowitz asked Limbaugh for an explanation and he replied;"He just cracks me up - i mean the guy kills me - he has a great sense of humor and i love his wife and the fact that he has such an interesting background and that he was honest about being a druggy in college - and that he has no experience or creds that would prepare him for the job as we know it."
"But Mr. limbaugh",asked Elise, - " You hate democrats and also, basically, black people - dontcha?"
Rush replied. "C'mon Muffky, you don't really believe he's black do ya? -- and besides, i had an epiphany last week!"
He continued, "I was saying my nightly prayers and suddenly Jesus Christ appeared in front of me! At first i thought it was the Oxycotin or maybe Bill O'Reilly playing one of his practical jokes (like the time he brought a sheep into my kitchen and was fucking it when i came home) - but it WAS Jesus and he said...."
"Rush - you have done some important work for Pops and me, but this is your most important assignment -- we cannot allow that viscious cunt Hillary to be elected President - the only way to stop her is for you to bring all the rednecks over to Oblama - we know it's gonna hurt - but that's the way Pops want's it."
"Of Course my Lord! - Oh, and i think his name is Obama not Oblama" i replied to Jesus -and he said the following and disappeared in a cloud of dust - like the Lone Ranger"
"Don't nitpick with me Rush - Oblama -Oblamama - Obadama - none of them African names are in the Bible so who gives a shit?"
"Anyway -I'm for Obama and you all better be too!"
Bandit political reporter Elise Muffkowitz asked Limbaugh for an explanation and he replied;"He just cracks me up - i mean the guy kills me - he has a great sense of humor and i love his wife and the fact that he has such an interesting background and that he was honest about being a druggy in college - and that he has no experience or creds that would prepare him for the job as we know it."
"But Mr. limbaugh",asked Elise, - " You hate democrats and also, basically, black people - dontcha?"
Rush replied. "C'mon Muffky, you don't really believe he's black do ya? -- and besides, i had an epiphany last week!"
He continued, "I was saying my nightly prayers and suddenly Jesus Christ appeared in front of me! At first i thought it was the Oxycotin or maybe Bill O'Reilly playing one of his practical jokes (like the time he brought a sheep into my kitchen and was fucking it when i came home) - but it WAS Jesus and he said...."
"Rush - you have done some important work for Pops and me, but this is your most important assignment -- we cannot allow that viscious cunt Hillary to be elected President - the only way to stop her is for you to bring all the rednecks over to Oblama - we know it's gonna hurt - but that's the way Pops want's it."
"Of Course my Lord! - Oh, and i think his name is Obama not Oblama" i replied to Jesus -and he said the following and disappeared in a cloud of dust - like the Lone Ranger"
"Don't nitpick with me Rush - Oblama -Oblamama - Obadama - none of them African names are in the Bible so who gives a shit?"
"Anyway -I'm for Obama and you all better be too!"
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