Oh yeah! -Count me in! - I'm switching to the Obama camp!
Why? - Because it took more courage to tell his cunty wife to keep her yap shut and get lost from the campaign spotlight,than will be required for confronting any conceivable existential threat to the united States during his presidency.
I mean - telling Vladimir Putin and the Chinks to get fucked will be a piece of cake next to putting a lid on Michelle Obama!
I'll bet that sleeping with a king cobra would be more fun than what goes on in the Obama bedroom since he had to shut her face about dissing the good ole USA on the campaign trail last month; and i sure hope he has a strong fantasy quotient and an abundant supply of Club magazines to get him through the campaign without any pussy.
Let's just pray that the New York Times doesn't get a call from some reincarnation of that beast Linda Tripp - with some valid info about Obama humping a hot campaign worker (or two).
Personally i hope he's fucking every hottie on his staff - and if America's FIRST black president can get away wit it - why couldn't Obama?
Anyway -- the Bandit is proud to endorse Obama! - and Michelle - here's some good advice - take that sock out of your mouth and put a great future President's cock in it.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Jesus Christ Should Have Been Aborted -- Not Crucified
And there would be about three hundred million happy indiginous people playing with their children in the sun today instead of having been tortured and butchered by missionaries of the Church spreading the Gospel in the name of JesusChrist.
And if you add up all the men women and children who died screaming in agony due to the pious and righteous and ignorant human animals who maimed and slaughtered in the name of their one and only- absolutely true God, and his son - well, Jesus Christ - you have the spiritual equivalent of the bubonic plague on steroids.
And the Church helped manage and manipulate and exploit this slaughter in the name of a peaceful and loving preacher who came bearing a revolutionary message of hope and salvation.
And this is what happens EVERY time the Priests get to call the shots! Judges with ONE law book written by a God who only they understand and who they represent exclusively. You sign on or you get burned at the stake! ( oh -and if your'e a hot innocent altar boy you get fucked in the ass for fun)
Happy Easter
(and try living with the questions for a change)
And if you add up all the men women and children who died screaming in agony due to the pious and righteous and ignorant human animals who maimed and slaughtered in the name of their one and only- absolutely true God, and his son - well, Jesus Christ - you have the spiritual equivalent of the bubonic plague on steroids.
And the Church helped manage and manipulate and exploit this slaughter in the name of a peaceful and loving preacher who came bearing a revolutionary message of hope and salvation.
And this is what happens EVERY time the Priests get to call the shots! Judges with ONE law book written by a God who only they understand and who they represent exclusively. You sign on or you get burned at the stake! ( oh -and if your'e a hot innocent altar boy you get fucked in the ass for fun)
Happy Easter
(and try living with the questions for a change)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
NOTHING Beats A High Priced Hooker - Spitzer Rules
The most sexual and gorgeous woman you have ever dreamed about arrives at your home -- she performs sex acts that will make your wife or girl friend forever seem like sleeping with Rush Limbaugh - and here's the best part:
SHE LEAVES!
So - let's get real about all this flap with Eliot Spitzer - it doesn't mean a fucking thing except he had the desire and the money and an ugly nagging wife.
SHE LEAVES!
So - let's get real about all this flap with Eliot Spitzer - it doesn't mean a fucking thing except he had the desire and the money and an ugly nagging wife.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Hillary Clinton Should Air THIS Commercial
Hillary is sitting in her sun garden at her home in Chappaqua,N.Y and as she looks dreamily out the window we hear her voice.
"You know -when the proof first came out that Bill had been blown by Monica Lewinsky i was devastated - i felt that because i hadn't fucked him for ten years that maybe I was to blame for his indiscretion and subsequent humiliation and impeachment.
She pets her doggy and looks wistfully out into the evening shade- and her inner voice continues." But i soon came to understand that it was just Willie's wicked sexual nature and that i should redirect my energies into trying to make the world a better place - to run for the Senate -establish a positive record and then maybe make a run at the Presidency?"
She wipes a tear from her eye and looks directly into the camera staring like a doe caught in the headlights -and her voice - gathering strength - proclaims..
"And no twerpy black "snake oil" change salesman, pushing a pile of generality laden horseshit is going to stop me from becoming the next President!"
I'm Hillary Clinton and i approved this message.
Stay tuned because I've got some effective commercials for ALL the candidates
"You know -when the proof first came out that Bill had been blown by Monica Lewinsky i was devastated - i felt that because i hadn't fucked him for ten years that maybe I was to blame for his indiscretion and subsequent humiliation and impeachment.
She pets her doggy and looks wistfully out into the evening shade- and her inner voice continues." But i soon came to understand that it was just Willie's wicked sexual nature and that i should redirect my energies into trying to make the world a better place - to run for the Senate -establish a positive record and then maybe make a run at the Presidency?"
She wipes a tear from her eye and looks directly into the camera staring like a doe caught in the headlights -and her voice - gathering strength - proclaims..
"And no twerpy black "snake oil" change salesman, pushing a pile of generality laden horseshit is going to stop me from becoming the next President!"
I'm Hillary Clinton and i approved this message.
Stay tuned because I've got some effective commercials for ALL the candidates
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Obama's Position On Iraq War Vote Proved That He's A Pussy
NO responsible person should have denied authorization for the president to attack Iraq because:
Saddam could certainly have possessed WMD - - past evidence of stockpiles was established - and he never came clean and opened up to full inspections.
He was an established pathological nut case who had used poison gas on the Kurds - had recently invaded Kuwait and reaped untold havoc on it's people and the environment and then repeatedly violated his surrender agreements.
Saddam hated America and had enormous resources with which to enable world terrorism at a time when the Twin Towers were still smoking.
He ran Iraq like Caligula - there was no way we could assume he was NOT an existential threat to the United States -and who the hell could believe he was bluffing about his self avowed WMD capabilities?
That is why almost the entire Congress -the Military and the Media and most Pundits and thinking people with balls - were in lock step about the need for military intervention.
Yes -the the overall strategy for occupation was a naive fuckup! - In retrospect we should have worked with the Bathists to manage the political realities - instead of unleashing the Shiites who are mostly fucking religious morons AND who hate us for freeing them from Saddam - under whom they couldn't take a shit without asking permission.
BUT - weak kneed liberals like Obama have NEVER thought it necessary to have to kill maniacs and inflict collateral damage in the interests of American survival. And that includes the whole fucking cold war!
Obama is a pussy - and McCaine would eat him for breakfast in the general election!
Saddam could certainly have possessed WMD - - past evidence of stockpiles was established - and he never came clean and opened up to full inspections.
He was an established pathological nut case who had used poison gas on the Kurds - had recently invaded Kuwait and reaped untold havoc on it's people and the environment and then repeatedly violated his surrender agreements.
Saddam hated America and had enormous resources with which to enable world terrorism at a time when the Twin Towers were still smoking.
He ran Iraq like Caligula - there was no way we could assume he was NOT an existential threat to the United States -and who the hell could believe he was bluffing about his self avowed WMD capabilities?
That is why almost the entire Congress -the Military and the Media and most Pundits and thinking people with balls - were in lock step about the need for military intervention.
Yes -the the overall strategy for occupation was a naive fuckup! - In retrospect we should have worked with the Bathists to manage the political realities - instead of unleashing the Shiites who are mostly fucking religious morons AND who hate us for freeing them from Saddam - under whom they couldn't take a shit without asking permission.
BUT - weak kneed liberals like Obama have NEVER thought it necessary to have to kill maniacs and inflict collateral damage in the interests of American survival. And that includes the whole fucking cold war!
Obama is a pussy - and McCaine would eat him for breakfast in the general election!
Monday, March 03, 2008
God Must be Hispanic If he Named His Only Son Jesus
Wow - i just realized that God has to be Hispanic!
I mean - otherwise he would have named his only kid God Junior or at least some common name of those times- like Joshua or Peter or Moishe -any thing but Jesus(unless he was Hispanic).
What made me think of this was i was watching the Los Angeles marathon yesterday and at least fifty percent of the people had to be Hispanic -and at least fifty percent of them were named Jesus - and i says to myself; "Wow -these guys all look like Jesus Christ - and God gave him that name -and that was not a common name -so God had to be Hispanic."
Wow! -- can you imagine what God is thinking about all these religious conservatives and white nativists who are bashing these poor illegal immigrants - who are his Hispanic brothers and sisters?
And - i bet that the Hispanics -not the Jews -are Gods chosen people. You notice he didn't name Moses - Jesus.
And -the true bible story must be that he cast out the Hispanics from the United States and let the Gringos (like the Egyptians with the Hebrews)) enslave them because they were being bad -but now he is letting them back into their promised land.
And for three thousand years the Jews have been selling the story about Canaan and being cast out and all that Pharaoh stuff just so they could look like the chosen people and get all that promotion -when the Hispanics -led by Gods Hispanic son Jesus - were the chosen people all along.
Well - as Mencken said; "Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing"
But -maybe God IS Jewish but has a pushy Hispanic wife. (you notice i didn't say cunty)
I mean - otherwise he would have named his only kid God Junior or at least some common name of those times- like Joshua or Peter or Moishe -any thing but Jesus(unless he was Hispanic).
What made me think of this was i was watching the Los Angeles marathon yesterday and at least fifty percent of the people had to be Hispanic -and at least fifty percent of them were named Jesus - and i says to myself; "Wow -these guys all look like Jesus Christ - and God gave him that name -and that was not a common name -so God had to be Hispanic."
Wow! -- can you imagine what God is thinking about all these religious conservatives and white nativists who are bashing these poor illegal immigrants - who are his Hispanic brothers and sisters?
And - i bet that the Hispanics -not the Jews -are Gods chosen people. You notice he didn't name Moses - Jesus.
And -the true bible story must be that he cast out the Hispanics from the United States and let the Gringos (like the Egyptians with the Hebrews)) enslave them because they were being bad -but now he is letting them back into their promised land.
And for three thousand years the Jews have been selling the story about Canaan and being cast out and all that Pharaoh stuff just so they could look like the chosen people and get all that promotion -when the Hispanics -led by Gods Hispanic son Jesus - were the chosen people all along.
Well - as Mencken said; "Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing"
But -maybe God IS Jewish but has a pushy Hispanic wife. (you notice i didn't say cunty)
Friday, February 29, 2008
United States Prison Population Should be Outsourced
Well it looks like - if you break the law in the good ole USA -You will do your time in some Foreign country. Maybe India or China if your lucky - but it could just as easily be the Congo or Somalia - or whoever makes the most attractive bid to keep you in captivity.
And with a new report showing that one out of one-hundred people in the good ole USA are doin some kind of jail time - this plan comes just in time to help our hurtin economy.
"Jules Hymovitz,head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- well - why not our huge and growing prison population?"
He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot for ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for under five thousand (and if the liberals don't squawk we could probably get some countries to pay us for these folks )"
"Were talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer - and I'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."
"Julie concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."
Outsourcing is a beautiful thing!
And with a new report showing that one out of one-hundred people in the good ole USA are doin some kind of jail time - this plan comes just in time to help our hurtin economy.
"Jules Hymovitz,head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- well - why not our huge and growing prison population?"
He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot for ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for under five thousand (and if the liberals don't squawk we could probably get some countries to pay us for these folks )"
"Were talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer - and I'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."
"Julie concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."
Outsourcing is a beautiful thing!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Mandatory Drug Tests For Congress - Most Would Fail
I'm willing to bet that if the US Congress were drug tested - over fifty percent would test positive for some mind altering substance.
And since their ability to focus and problem solve and manage their complex legislative duties is what they get paid for - and since we elect them with an expectation of a high level of energetic performance and clarity - it would be helpful if they were not fucked up on any drugs.
So let's test these suckas! - I mean we are so worried about our athletes not playing their fun games fairly - and whether or not Wal Mart employees can perform their highly complex jobs on drugs - or whether toll collectors will be able to make change after smoking a joint:
But whether or not a US Senator is holding a hearing on National Security zonked out on Prosac or Oxycotin - or maybe just did a couple of lines, or smoked some refer or took some meth: -- Oh, why should we be concerned about that?
Hey -and why not mandatory drug testing for ALL government employees - I am willing to bet you that fifty percent of the WHOLE government bureacracy would test positive for some kind of illegal mind altering substance.
And boy -would that explain everything!
And since their ability to focus and problem solve and manage their complex legislative duties is what they get paid for - and since we elect them with an expectation of a high level of energetic performance and clarity - it would be helpful if they were not fucked up on any drugs.
So let's test these suckas! - I mean we are so worried about our athletes not playing their fun games fairly - and whether or not Wal Mart employees can perform their highly complex jobs on drugs - or whether toll collectors will be able to make change after smoking a joint:
But whether or not a US Senator is holding a hearing on National Security zonked out on Prosac or Oxycotin - or maybe just did a couple of lines, or smoked some refer or took some meth: -- Oh, why should we be concerned about that?
Hey -and why not mandatory drug testing for ALL government employees - I am willing to bet you that fifty percent of the WHOLE government bureacracy would test positive for some kind of illegal mind altering substance.
And boy -would that explain everything!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
John McCaine Needs A Sun Tan - "Casper" Has To Go
I just can't get over the resemblance of John McCain to Casper The Friendly Ghost ! (see picture on blog)
And now that it seems his opponent for the presidency will be Barak Obama - this ghostly image is most certainly going to haunt him!
I mean - watching the two of them together will look like a Ku Klux Klan inquisition. This will definitely work against McCain and he should begin getting sun tan treatments immediately.
When the tanned and younger looking McCain appears looking like a stockier version of George Hamilton it will be the end of Obama (and his Cunty wife)
Now that's the kind of strategic advice and guidance you won't get from most high paid political consultants.
Call me Hillary - it's not too late.
And now that it seems his opponent for the presidency will be Barak Obama - this ghostly image is most certainly going to haunt him!
I mean - watching the two of them together will look like a Ku Klux Klan inquisition. This will definitely work against McCain and he should begin getting sun tan treatments immediately.
When the tanned and younger looking McCain appears looking like a stockier version of George Hamilton it will be the end of Obama (and his Cunty wife)
Now that's the kind of strategic advice and guidance you won't get from most high paid political consultants.
Call me Hillary - it's not too late.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
No "Cunty" For Old Men
That means NO "CUNTY" first lady!
Do we want a President whose last thought at night - with all the urgent and pressing existential problems he has to deal with is -"I wish that fucking cunt would just shut up and stay out of my shit - she's driving me apeshit!"
Or -"Thanks Christine - that blowjob has relieved all my anxiety and tensions and i can see a clear course of reasonable action"
I ask you --Goodnight!
Do we want a President whose last thought at night - with all the urgent and pressing existential problems he has to deal with is -"I wish that fucking cunt would just shut up and stay out of my shit - she's driving me apeshit!"
Or -"Thanks Christine - that blowjob has relieved all my anxiety and tensions and i can see a clear course of reasonable action"
I ask you --Goodnight!
Oscars Prove That Hollywood Can Save The World
Hollywood Will Save Iraq And The World
Now listen up Mr. President because the bandit is gonna save your legacy and maybe the whole darn world!You get The Cohen brothers and Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"
We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable and you will state the message as follows:""Hello it's me -- Mohammad! I'm speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah - and effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ."
"You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers -- enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran." - the message will then conclude as follows:"Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise?"
Mr. President. you must remind this esteemed creative team that; "These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"
"And when the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over!""
And you will all receive The medal Of Freedom -- And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project -- And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!""Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!"
Now listen up Mr. President because the bandit is gonna save your legacy and maybe the whole darn world!You get The Cohen brothers and Steven Spielberg - Peter Jackson - James Cameron - David Copperfield and George Lucas in a room together.You then say to them; " You represent the state of the art in the Imagination Industry --you know what i mean -- using tricks and bullshit to influence lotsa folks -heh - heh -heh!"
We want you to produce and project over the night skies around the Middle East; an image of the Prophet Muhammad delivering a message -and to make that message totally realistic and powerful and believable and you will state the message as follows:""Hello it's me -- Mohammad! I'm speaking directly on behalf of your God - Allah - and effective immediately you must stop the Intifada against all non Muslims and become their friends ."
"You will also stop killing your Muslim brothers -- enough is enough with your insane misinterpretations of the Koran." - the message will then conclude as follows:"Right now there are a shitload of Muslim suicide bombers up to their necks in pig shit for all Eternity and screaming 24/7 -- What happened to the fucking Virgins and Paradise?"
Mr. President. you must remind this esteemed creative team that; "These folks are mostly ignorant and illiterate and miserable and filthy and angry and superstitious and completely at the mercy of their religious leaders who exploit them - kinda like the Catholic Church for most of it's history (heh heh)"
"And when the Muslim masses see the image you Hollywood creative and technical geniuses will create and project over the Arab world -- their Mullahs can scream Fake! Fake! till the cows come home -- our problems will be over!""
And you will all receive The medal Of Freedom -- And finally, don't forget to say; "Now let's call in the media and keep a tight National security lid on this world saving project -- And by the way - your next assignment will be the return of Jesus Christ!""Good luck boys! --Thanks bandit!"
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Top Historians Say No "Cunty" First Ladies EVER In White House
Doris Kearns Goodwin -- There has never been a totally cunty first lady! -- The closest was probably Abigail adams, who would qualify as a major ball breaker, but not a cunt.
Tom Cahill -- hmmm? - i would say that most if not all of our presidents tended to run the show in their households. Mrs. Lincoln had some cunty tendencies but mainly she was a wack job.
James McCullough - Well Eleanor Roosevelt was a very strong and independent woman,but there was nothing very cunty about her - i would say that Dolly Madison definitely had cunt potential but John would never put up with that shit.
Michael Beschloss - It's actually quite amazing that the Republic has escaped the horrors of a cunty first lady all these years and a tribute to the strength and fortitude of America's Presidents.Millard Filmore's wife started to act like a cunt but he had her banned from the white house.
Barbara Tuchman - can't think of a totally cunty first lady, which as we all agree, would have had a devastating effect on the course of American history. If you look at all the worst and most dangerous world leaders, you will find a cunty wife lurking somewhere in the wings.
Well - there you have it straight from the mouths of five eminent Pulitzer Prize winning historians - from George Washington to George Bush - not one Cunty First lady!
Whaddyasay - let's keep Michelle Obama from becoming America's First Cunty - First lady?
Tom Cahill -- hmmm? - i would say that most if not all of our presidents tended to run the show in their households. Mrs. Lincoln had some cunty tendencies but mainly she was a wack job.
James McCullough - Well Eleanor Roosevelt was a very strong and independent woman,but there was nothing very cunty about her - i would say that Dolly Madison definitely had cunt potential but John would never put up with that shit.
Michael Beschloss - It's actually quite amazing that the Republic has escaped the horrors of a cunty first lady all these years and a tribute to the strength and fortitude of America's Presidents.Millard Filmore's wife started to act like a cunt but he had her banned from the white house.
Barbara Tuchman - can't think of a totally cunty first lady, which as we all agree, would have had a devastating effect on the course of American history. If you look at all the worst and most dangerous world leaders, you will find a cunty wife lurking somewhere in the wings.
Well - there you have it straight from the mouths of five eminent Pulitzer Prize winning historians - from George Washington to George Bush - not one Cunty First lady!
Whaddyasay - let's keep Michelle Obama from becoming America's First Cunty - First lady?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The History Of "Cunt" - As It Applies To Michelle Obama
A reader has asked about the word cunt, wondering if it had something to do with "cunning" as in "a cunning woman was a negative thing". It has nothing to do with cunning (which is related to the verbs ken and can) and everything to do with what it means today: "female genitalia". It first shows up in a list of London street names of about 1230. That street name was, interestingly, Gropecuntelane, one of a warren of streets and alleyways all given over to the lowest forms of prostitution and bawdry. It lay between Aldermanbury and Coleman Street (where the Swiss Bank stands today) and it belonged to one "William de Edmonton". Curiously, medieval Paris had a street name with an identical meaning - Rue Grattecon. Oxford and York apparently also had similar versions of that street name.
Cunt is believed to derive from a Germanic root *kunton "female genitalia", which also gave rise to Old Norse kunta (ancestor of Norwegian and Swedish dialectical kunta and Danish dialectical kunte), Old Frisian, Middle Low German and Middle Dutch kunte, and the English doublet quaint. And, by the way, the word wasn't always considered derogatory, even though it is today. Be careful about assuming that a word's modern connotations must have governed its formation. By the way, no connection has been made between the Germanic words and Latin cunnus. The proto-Germanic root of cunt is ku- "hollow place", while the Indo-European root of Latin cunnus is (s)keu- "to cover, to conceal", the etymological meaning of cunnus being "sheath".
So -Michelle Obama IS a "CUNT" - I knew i was right -and i don't think America has EVER had a Cunty First Lady. -I'm gonna ask some famous historians and report back to you - to see whether Michelle would be the First -Cunty First lady in America's history.
Cunt is believed to derive from a Germanic root *kunton "female genitalia", which also gave rise to Old Norse kunta (ancestor of Norwegian and Swedish dialectical kunta and Danish dialectical kunte), Old Frisian, Middle Low German and Middle Dutch kunte, and the English doublet quaint. And, by the way, the word wasn't always considered derogatory, even though it is today. Be careful about assuming that a word's modern connotations must have governed its formation. By the way, no connection has been made between the Germanic words and Latin cunnus. The proto-Germanic root of cunt is ku- "hollow place", while the Indo-European root of Latin cunnus is (s)keu- "to cover, to conceal", the etymological meaning of cunnus being "sheath".
So -Michelle Obama IS a "CUNT" - I knew i was right -and i don't think America has EVER had a Cunty First Lady. -I'm gonna ask some famous historians and report back to you - to see whether Michelle would be the First -Cunty First lady in America's history.
Penis Envy Strikes Again! - Michelle Obama Sets Off Cunt Alarm!
Michelle Obama’s comment in Milwaukee on Monday: “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change.” - will cost Obama the presidency!
Another spoiled cunt with a BIG Mouth - carried away by the limelight just like her two most recent candidate destroyers - Teresa Heinz Kerry and Judith Nathan Giuliani.
I'm sooo sad that Michelle Obamas life's experiences at Princeton and Harvard left her with a completely cynical view of America -- maybe she should spend some time in a more enlightened and spiritual country - of her choice.
Or maybe she didn't take any history courses? - Or maybe she's just another good looking spoiled lefty cunt trophy wife with a gifted and powerful husband.
Boy do we NOT need her in the White House!
Oh - and folks everywhere across this great land are a thinkin today - "Obama is hooked up with an American hating cunt - his first order of change should begin at home."
Another spoiled cunt with a BIG Mouth - carried away by the limelight just like her two most recent candidate destroyers - Teresa Heinz Kerry and Judith Nathan Giuliani.
I'm sooo sad that Michelle Obamas life's experiences at Princeton and Harvard left her with a completely cynical view of America -- maybe she should spend some time in a more enlightened and spiritual country - of her choice.
Or maybe she didn't take any history courses? - Or maybe she's just another good looking spoiled lefty cunt trophy wife with a gifted and powerful husband.
Boy do we NOT need her in the White House!
Oh - and folks everywhere across this great land are a thinkin today - "Obama is hooked up with an American hating cunt - his first order of change should begin at home."
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.
I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."
She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"
Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."
But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"
"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"
I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."
"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"
Kid's today!
I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."
She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"
Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."
But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"
"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"
I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."
"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"
Kid's today!
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Here's A Commercial That Will Launch Hillary To Victory
Hillary is sitting in her sun garden at her home in Chappaqua,N.Y and as she looks dreamily out the window we hear her voice.
"You know -when the proof first came out that Bill had been blown by Monica Lewinsky i was devastated - i felt that because i hadn't fucked him for ten years that maybe I was to blame for his indiscretion and subsequent humiliation and impeachment."
She pets her doggy and looks wistfully out into the evening shade- and her inner voice continues.
" But i soon came to understand that it was just Willie's wicked sexual nature and that i should redirect my energies into trying to make the world a better place - to run for the Senate -establish a positive record and then maybe make a run at the Presidency?"
She wipes a tear from her eye and looks directly into the camera staring like a doe caught in the headlights -and her voice - gathering strength - proclaims..
"And no twerpy black "snake oil" change salesman, pushing a pile of generality laden horseshit is going to stop me from becoming the next President!
"I'm Hillary Clinton and i approved this message.
Stay tuned because I've got some effective commercials for ALL the candidates
"You know -when the proof first came out that Bill had been blown by Monica Lewinsky i was devastated - i felt that because i hadn't fucked him for ten years that maybe I was to blame for his indiscretion and subsequent humiliation and impeachment."
She pets her doggy and looks wistfully out into the evening shade- and her inner voice continues.
" But i soon came to understand that it was just Willie's wicked sexual nature and that i should redirect my energies into trying to make the world a better place - to run for the Senate -establish a positive record and then maybe make a run at the Presidency?"
She wipes a tear from her eye and looks directly into the camera staring like a doe caught in the headlights -and her voice - gathering strength - proclaims..
"And no twerpy black "snake oil" change salesman, pushing a pile of generality laden horseshit is going to stop me from becoming the next President!
"I'm Hillary Clinton and i approved this message.
Stay tuned because I've got some effective commercials for ALL the candidates
Blood is Thicker Than Pussy Water
Ok -let's get real here! - You are a member of a race that has been systematically repressed since arriving in America in chains some four-hundred years ago -beaten and bullied and hung by rednecks and denied the vote and descent housing and jobs and .................
Your people claw their way out of the shithole that Whitey fought to keep them buried in and voila - along comes a black leader that inspires not only blacks but MAYBE enough of everybody to become the next President!
And you are not gonna vote for this dude if you are black? - C'mon -if women had it so rough out there - they would ALL be lining up to vote for Hillary like they were waiting to get it up the butt from Mathew McConaghy.
Women have it made in the shade thanks to us and they are still fucking miserable - Blacks know they are still getting shafted by the Rednecks and WASPS
Like i said -"Blood is Thicker Than Pussy Water"
And - There WIll Be Blood!
Your people claw their way out of the shithole that Whitey fought to keep them buried in and voila - along comes a black leader that inspires not only blacks but MAYBE enough of everybody to become the next President!
And you are not gonna vote for this dude if you are black? - C'mon -if women had it so rough out there - they would ALL be lining up to vote for Hillary like they were waiting to get it up the butt from Mathew McConaghy.
Women have it made in the shade thanks to us and they are still fucking miserable - Blacks know they are still getting shafted by the Rednecks and WASPS
Like i said -"Blood is Thicker Than Pussy Water"
And - There WIll Be Blood!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Human's Have A Genetic "Asshole Early Warning System"
Mitt Romney reminded me of how genetically sensitive most of us are in detecting "An Asshole".
Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce (fuck) with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)
If Darwin DIDN"T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!
Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!
It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.
Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)
What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)
Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"
These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!
Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)
I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:
And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"
It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)
More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.
Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce (fuck) with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around)
If Darwin DIDN"T think of this - then i probably deserve a Nobel Prize!
Anyway -back to Mitt Romney. I mean everyone basically knew he was an "Asshole" instantly!- The alarm bells where just ringing off the hook. His looks didn't matter - his ideas and resume meant nothing - every time we saw him -- rrrrrrrrrrring a ling a ling - Asshole Warning!
It's a darn shame that political consultants do not seem to have this genetic propensity for "Early Warning Asshole Detection" - It is probably the result of a genetic malfunction which has infected some gene pools and as a result, created a group of people who have survived through natural selection - by catering to and serving assholes who would otherwise have been spotted early on - and eliminated instantly from any political competition.
Like - Al Gore and John Kerry who would have been eliminated immediately - it's like a Bird of Paradise trying to get laid without any feathers. (Darwin again)
What's really sad is that folks -like Mitt - who have this genetic malfunction have absolutely zero knowledge of their "Assholeness" and they,of course. have "All Asshole " mates and families. A perfect example of this is John Kerry's wife Teresa -- who in my opinion cost him the election - because while folks will weigh one asshole against another asshole (Kerry vs Bush) - an asshole of a wife is instant death.(oh -- and let's not forget Rudy's old lady)
Now - folks who believe the Bible is the word of a personal deity - cannot be factored into this analysis because they have lost their 'Early Warning Asshole System" by the age of five due to the brain washing they have experienced to replace some (if not all) of their ability to reason objectively -which is essential to recruit them into the armies of 'The Blind and The Faithful"
These folks will henceforth be primarily driven and connected to certain primitive symbols and sayings - and folks who illuminate and espouse them. This is one reason why you very seldom see a religious person married to a real piece of ass!
Anyway back to Mitt Romney. I think the really scary thing is knowing if YOU are an ASSHOLE! I mean here Mitt is shaving and looking in the mirror and he sees a guy worth four hundred million dollars who looks like Apollo and has a really big brain and power and prestige..... -- I mean how does he find out? (and would it even help?)
I guess the answer is - he should go down to the local bar in a working class neighborhood and hang out and have some shots and some buds and just kinda mix it up with the locals and then leave - and just listen to what the "guys" say when he leaves:
And - ringaling aling aling aling! - "Wow -that guy is a fucking ASSHOLE!"
It's Too bad - he could have saved himself about ninety million dollars.(and probably from bringing two or three more Mormon Assholes into the world.)
More on this later -I'm headin for Clancy's Tavern over on La Brea for an Asshole Analysis.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
How The Church Ruined Valentine's Day
On this day of amative imaginings i thought you might be interested in the Pagan provenance of Valentine's day --Lupercalia
"The Lupercalia festival was in honor of the She-Wolf who suckled the infant orphans, Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome. Explaining the name of the festival, Lupercalia, which translates out into "Wolf Festival." The festival was celebrated near the cave of Lupercal on the Palatine (where Rome was founded, see Livy, Book I), to expiate and purify new life in the Spring.
.
.
The festival began with the sacrifice by the Luperci (or the flamen dialis) of two male goats and a dog. Next two patrician young Luperci were led to the altar, to be anointed on their foreheads with the sacrificial blood, which was wiped off the bloody knife with wool soaked in milk, after which they were expected to smile and laugh; the smearing of the forehead with blood probably refers to human sacrifice originally practised at the festival.
The sacrificial feast followed, after which the Luperci cut thongs from the skins of the victims, which were called Februa, dressed themselves in the skins of the sacrificed goats -- and then everyone ran around fucking and sucking and drinking and dancing until they dropped!
This looked like too much fun to the Ancient Queer Priests so they turned it into a sappy, lovey dovey religious farce - BUT!
Little did they know that healthy modern folks of all ages would return to their Lupercalic roots - only with different outfits and bling.
This is a sure sign that the rule of the Queer Priests is waning - but we gotta bring back the goats and she wolves!
Happy Lupercalia everyone!
"The Lupercalia festival was in honor of the She-Wolf who suckled the infant orphans, Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome. Explaining the name of the festival, Lupercalia, which translates out into "Wolf Festival." The festival was celebrated near the cave of Lupercal on the Palatine (where Rome was founded, see Livy, Book I), to expiate and purify new life in the Spring.
.
.
The festival began with the sacrifice by the Luperci (or the flamen dialis) of two male goats and a dog. Next two patrician young Luperci were led to the altar, to be anointed on their foreheads with the sacrificial blood, which was wiped off the bloody knife with wool soaked in milk, after which they were expected to smile and laugh; the smearing of the forehead with blood probably refers to human sacrifice originally practised at the festival.
The sacrificial feast followed, after which the Luperci cut thongs from the skins of the victims, which were called Februa, dressed themselves in the skins of the sacrificed goats -- and then everyone ran around fucking and sucking and drinking and dancing until they dropped!
This looked like too much fun to the Ancient Queer Priests so they turned it into a sappy, lovey dovey religious farce - BUT!
Little did they know that healthy modern folks of all ages would return to their Lupercalic roots - only with different outfits and bling.
This is a sure sign that the rule of the Queer Priests is waning - but we gotta bring back the goats and she wolves!
Happy Lupercalia everyone!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Obama Clarifies His Positions - Shows Depth Of Thinking
Using his best Martin Luther King meets Elvis (he loves Kings) persona - as he roles forth on a "Magical Mystery Tour" that would have bedazzled even John Lennon - Obama - finally- REALLY got specific about his programs:
On Iraq - oh yeah -yeah! - hey - whoa 0 yeah! - it's time!
On the Economy - whoa yeah! - Oh yeah -yeah1 - come on -yeah!
On Health Care - Now yeah! - Now is yeah! -let's yeah oh yeah!
On Immigration - security is yeah! -oh yeh oh boy -yeah!
On the Environment - Now yeah -now -yeah now -oh boy -yes - yeah!
On Change - Change yeah! -Change and yeah -Oh yeah! -lotsa Change!
Wow - this guy is not just another skinny politician with big ears! -And look at his following -oh yeah! - Rich progressive (supply side) boomers who loved the Bush tax cuts - Oh yeah! Young people who think he's the black version of Jerry Garcia -Oh yeah! - And young and old black folks who think enough white folks will vote for him in the general election -Oh yeah?
The Republicans are laughing their asses off --Oh Yeah! -Their codeword for "Get Obama nominated at All Costs" is "Hillary Clinton will unify the Republican base" -Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!
On Iraq - oh yeah -yeah! - hey - whoa 0 yeah! - it's time!
On the Economy - whoa yeah! - Oh yeah -yeah1 - come on -yeah!
On Health Care - Now yeah! - Now is yeah! -let's yeah oh yeah!
On Immigration - security is yeah! -oh yeh oh boy -yeah!
On the Environment - Now yeah -now -yeah now -oh boy -yes - yeah!
On Change - Change yeah! -Change and yeah -Oh yeah! -lotsa Change!
Wow - this guy is not just another skinny politician with big ears! -And look at his following -oh yeah! - Rich progressive (supply side) boomers who loved the Bush tax cuts - Oh yeah! Young people who think he's the black version of Jerry Garcia -Oh yeah! - And young and old black folks who think enough white folks will vote for him in the general election -Oh yeah?
The Republicans are laughing their asses off --Oh Yeah! -Their codeword for "Get Obama nominated at All Costs" is "Hillary Clinton will unify the Republican base" -Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!
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