xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#'. The Digibandit

Tuesday, April 05, 2022

Don't Ask! - Don't Tell! - BUT WTF!



  1.                                             Don't Ask! - Don't Tell! - BUT WTF!



The marvelously complex MixMaster that is the human genome can sure turn out some amazingly diverse blends of Homo sapiens sapiens!


Johnny from Brooklyn, NY is a strapping young fellow who by the age of ten knew he was really a woman.


Mary realized, shortly after becoming the Prom Queen at Little Falls High School in Idaho; that what she now knew to be her true “being” was as the captain of  the all male football team.


Professor Ernest Klein with a post doctorate in astro chemistry couldn’t wait till his lectures were ended at Dartmouth so he could put on a gown and high heels and dance the night away at a club downtown dedicated to all things “Prince” and Drag Queens!


Then there are even more complex flavors produced by the “ Magic Genetic Mixmaster”


Take Mark and Connie Anderson from Gooberdale Texas who were swept away with lust and devotion shortly after meeting at The Evangelican Ministry in nearby Putzville - BUT within a year knew something was radically amiss in their sexual lives!  


Turns out both of them were just plain repressed gays from the get go!


In hopes of reviving their early passions they both reversed their genders and went transexual feeling that the reversal of  genders (making Connie more malelike and Mark more feminine; would be the perfect gendering mix to rekindle their passions? 


Didn’t happen! - Post transforming Connie (now Carl) went full blown male homo  gay and Mark (now Candy) went the opposite as a lesbian  -ALTHOUGH he/she also had a strong proclivity for scoliosexuality which created a virtual smorgasborg of desire and satisfaction for his sexual appetites (leaving poor Connie in her now frustrating narrow role as the male in a gay female (lesbian)


"20,00 Death Dive" Coming to Shanghai Disney World - Flight 5735 thrilling simulation

 

  •  "20,00 Death Dive" Coming to  Shanghai Disney World

  •  

  • Disney World Shanghai announces new ride based on plane disaster:

  • " Twenty Thousand feet Death Dive" (Fifty Nine Seconds of Hell!

  •  

  •  The Airlines Flight 5735. Last month, the plane fell more than 20,000 feet in less than a minute before a final plunge (approaching the speed of sound.)

Yun Hung Lo - China’s Minister of Mass Entertainment for The People announced today from Shanghai’s Disney World -Where construction crews were massed at the new ride site:


“We are honoring the deaths of 136 of our brothers and sisters by creating the world’s most exciting amusement park ride!


Rider’s will be able to experience the thrilling last minutes of these heroic party members’  lives - As they plunged past the speed of sound for almost a minute - Straight Down 20,000 feet into the dear earth!”


Ying Chow Mein - Reporter for  China’s  Xinhua News Agency asked The Minister:


 “Dearest Minister -Many are complaining it is wrong to exploit this horrible disaster!”


Minister Ho replied - “That is a very typical western imperialist - AND reactionary attitude and will not be tolerated!”


The reporter was quickly spirited away by security!


Meanwhile in The USA - Gordon Silverspoon, Director of World Wide Disney Distribution was assailed by reporters who were apoplectic at China’s announcement!


Gayle Simpkins from CNN asked “How can you tolerate the Shanghai Chinese Disneyworld to exploit a horrible disaster like this -Think of the trauma for the families of those victims?”

Silverspoon - “Well we have a commitment to our shareholders to maximize profits and China is our biggest market AND look - Think of the thrills and joy this amusement event will bring to hundred’s of thousands of Chinese who work 18 hours a day 7 days a week on their 3 days off every month (along with their children) - AND who provide Americans’ with cheap products they love”


A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

Chinese Proverb


(Capitalism’s Song)  lol


Thursday, March 03, 2022

Altar Boy Slashes Priest 's Scrotum With Razor -Nuns Arm Altar Boys

  Altar Boy Slashes Priest 's Scrotum With Razor 





Seven year old Enzo Frattazinni  gave testimony about the events leading up to his slashing the scrotum of Monsignor Carlos Putzazinni today in the Vatican -With a double edged razor!


Enzo -”The Monsignor is a well known abuser of children! -Several of my very own friends have been coerced into giving him blow jobs and forced anal sex  “For The pleasure of Christ” - As he put it.”


Attorney - “Did you or your friends report his menacing and perverse actions.”


Enzo -”Your kidding right?  -Of course! As have the tens of thousands of other helpless victims who have been ignored and treated as traitors to The Church by the Vatican - Right up to the Pope! -You think i’m a stupido?  -My father was going to kill the Monsignor -He was a sniper in the Italian Special Forces  -And i did not want him to go to jail.


Enzo continues - AND finally we victims of forced anal sex and blow job aggression have a weapon!  -A Secret Society of Nuns who are training young boys    -Mostly Altar Boys - In how to slash the scrotums - The nuts and Balls of their attackers!” and supplying them with the razors we can hide in our clothing or hair”


Attorney -What ‘Secret Society of Nuns’?


Enzo - Your kidding right?  LMFAO  -Next question?  OH -And whya do these sick so called messengers from Goda who give an oath of  celibacy need their balls for anyway -  Maybe they will geta their balls back in Hell?



Attorney -”Well so far you are the first attacker and only Attacker?  -Maybe you are making this all up?


Enzo -Stay tuned Mr. Attorney


Monday, February 28, 2022

Casting Call for New Fox Reality Show - Become a Star -(Anal Sex Required)

                        Casting Call for New Fox Reality Show - Become a Star 




 ITZ Media Group is now casting for two reality shows on behalf of two major cable networks: the first show is seeking Spanish "Kardashian" type families featuring three or more sisters who are fun, confident and sexy and love to give blow jobs! 


And it would be great if your parents or step parents live near you to participate. Florida is the ideal location but not necessary.  Please send photos, bios and brief descriptions of your lives with your sisters, your occupations and if you own a porno company or are starting a porno  business and how many men you are willing to have anal sex with in two hours..  


Similar to Mob Wives, the second show is seeking women who are in some way related to Cartels  - This could be wives, girlfriends, mistress', daughters, moms, cousins, etc. The show is seeking strong and opinionated women who have been convicted of assault and battery and charged with murder. 


Please send nude photos and a bio including how you are related to or are friends with members of a cartel.  Applicants for both shows can send emails to: digibandit@foxtv.com


Sunday, February 27, 2022

California approves Uteroil Made from Aborted Fetus'

                           California approves Uteroil Made from Aborted Fetus'


 

The International Energy Association announced today that working with a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT -- they have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.


"Our dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead scientist on "Project Uteroil."

He explained,"For ten years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."


"We now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid -and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.


He went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world, and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide energy market!"

 

When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy, he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."


Post Francis Announces Castration for ALL Priests

                              Post Francis Announces Castration for ALL Priests 

“You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Selena Gomez walks into his bedroom naked.”


“They won't need their nuts anymore anyway - and a lot of children will be saved from getting ravaged by the hordes of queer priests at our "Club Vatican"


 Pope continues  “And since the Church refuses to ordain women or let men have normal sex lives - the Church is a haven for sexual deviants  who have a "religious watering hole" to stalk their prey.”


“And -as we have found out - Your local Church has provided a fertile hunting ground with tens of thousands of victims- lots of kids who will never get over the trauma of being sexually assaulted (and by a trusted emissarry of the Lord no less)”.


“And if you think it's not business as usual in the " Now Johnny -God want's me to put my staff in your mouth and then in your bung hole -so be a good little Altar Boy" business - Then you must be delusional!”


“You think these sick fucking priests suddenly stopped getting hard ons when they see a handsome young alter boy? - That's like asking your normal sixteen year old son not to get a hard on if Selena Gomez walks into his bedroom naked.”


So - i say - "Off with their nuts" - that ought to put a crimp (oops) in the recruitment of queer sickos  into "Club Vatican."


OH -And i will lead by example!


Oh -and not to worry --God will keep our nuts safe until we get to Heaven.


Breaking news     In a shocking revelation the Pope has announced that he will allow himself to be sodomized by a Priest to protest what he called:


"A catholic clergy that is overrun with priests who enjoy fucking children!"

He went on; "and any priest at whatever level of authority that is implicit in this crime of all crimes will be sodomized and castrated -henceforth"


Wednesday, February 16, 2022

epistocracy -How to Stop the moron trumpers from voting and turning America -into a total schmuckland

                                                      Epistocracy NOW!


Consider an alternative political system called epistocracy. Epistocracies retain the same institutions as representative democracies, including imposing liberal constitutional limits on power, bills of rights, checks and balances, elected representatives and judicial review. But while democracies give every citizen an equal right to vote, epistocracies apportion political power, by law, according to knowledge or competence.


The idea here is not that knowledgeable people deserve to rule – of course they don’t – but that the rest of us deserve not to be subjected to incompetently made political decisions. Political decisions are high stakes, and democracies entrust some of these high-stakes decisions to the ignorant and incompetent. Democracies tend to pass laws and policies that appeal to the median voter, yet the median voter would fail Econ, History, Sociology, and Poli Sci 101. Empirical work generally shows that voters would support different policies if they were better informed.

Voters tend to mean well, but voting well takes more than a kind heart. It requires tremendous social scientific knowledge: knowledge that most citizens lack. Most voters know nothing, but some know a great deal, and some know less than nothing. The goal of liberal republican epistocracy is to protect against democracy’s downsides, by reducing the power of the least-informed voters, or increasing the power of better-informed ones.

https://aeon.co/ideas/the-right-to-vote-should-be-restricted-to-those-with-knowledge




                                                                      read on

Merwin Crudeley Sr. entered his personal information at the voting station in  Crumwell, Minnesota and was told he needed to answer some questions before he could vote!


He replied - “I’m registered - Iv’e lived here for forty eight years and voted Republican every year since i was eighteen cept when i switched over to vote for George Wallace when them negroes done acted up down south.”


Poll Booth guard - “That’s fine Sir but under the new American Voter Act passed by congress last year there are certain qualifications required now to make sure we all get the best government we all need -You probably heard about it?”


Crudely - “ I’m a Fox News watcher - Don’t believe nothin on any Jew Commie networks! -I do remember sompthin Carlson said about some new law gonna try and steal away the votes from loyal white Americans.”


Guard -”Well Mr. Crudely we assure you that’s not the case so if you’ll just come with me over to the screening room and answer some simple questions -It won’t take but a short time out of your busy day and responsibilities over at the poultry slaughter house “


Crudely - “ Howd you know that? - You damn dot heads been spyin on me?  - Are you some kinda immygrant spy?”


As Crudely headed forcefully t0 to try and enter the voting booth he was restrained.


Crudely “Allright -What damn questions you want me to answer -  Trump saysThe Publicans need my vote so i cain’t let y’all steal it away!”


Election Official  -  “So - Mr Crudely, can you tell me what constitutional article means the most to you and why?


Crudely - “Don’t take no shit from libtards” cause they hate real Americans!”


Election Official - “I see - And what are the three branches of the government”


Crudely - “ You tryin to trick me and steal my vote so that spic bitch communist AOC can get into the White House .”


EO -  “ Hmmm? -Well how about this - What is your feeling about the government helping needy folks and lifting them up?”


Crudely - “ Fuck em all -Let em get jobs and pay their dues like white people”


EO - But i see here where you receive food stamps - An earned income and child credits AND Medicaid, plus several other state and federal assistance programs to help those in need?”


Crudely - “ I got that comin! -My ancestors built this Country and we white folks ain’t turnin it over to you immygrants and faggy colored communists! -AND i’m gonna go right vote for Marjorie Taylor Greene and make sure y’all don’t get to ruin this blessed land!  -There’s a shitload more of us than you libtards!”


EO - “You are 100% right about that AND that is why - We are sorry -But - You won’t get get to vote!”


Crudely - “Im callin Trump and Greene and The local Oathkeepers and Neo’s and y’all gonna be sorry bout this!”


“ Fortunately for the sake of America -They won’t get to vote either  -G’day Mr. Crudely and thanks for  taking time out of your busy day from the poultry plant.”


Crudely - “We’ll be back and armed!”


EO -”Well sadly Mr. Crudely -You are now under arrest!”


dave.nels@yahoo.com

3106131657

2-15-22


Sunday, January 09, 2022

Hollywood Septic Tank Cleaner Scores Big With Star Shit

 Hollywood Septic Tank Cleaner Scores Big With Star Shit 




Wiilliam Bigturd, an American Indian septic tank cleaner in Hollywood announced at a press conference held by Creative Artists Agency today at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills: "Yep -- it's true! - iv'e been cleaning out the septic tanks of the Stars for many moons and i have saved and catalogued their "Star Shit" with it's DNA -- along with the shit my ancestors have saved -- we have been in the septic business since the early days of Hollywood"-- He continued; 


"My Grandfather,Johnny Bigdump, always kept a bowl of Tonto's shit in the living room. (Lone Ranger's sidekick for younger readers)" Moishe Pipick,head of liscencing for CAA said; "-- How much will people pay for an original John Wayne dump or a freshly minted Scarlett Johannson,or for a beauty from say  Brad Pitt? -The skys the limit!" The Hollywood Reporter blared "There's Gold In Them Thar Hills"- Star Shit gold in the Hollywood Hills that is - and it reported that septic tank wars have erupted in Memphis as  A Shit Gold Rush has created a frenzy to obtain the Holy Grail of turds -- a blast from the King himself. CAA announced yesterday; "Christy's elite auction house will be the exclusive seller of the Star Shit " and Arnold Grimey, head auctioneer at Christy's said today ; "ANd an authenticated Star Shit NFT could sell for more than a Picasso -- a penultimate statement about American culture!" 


AND the Bandit has it on good authority that entrepreneurial gynecologists in LA may have been stockpiling "Star Sperm" -- what is next? -- stay tuned! (copyright lawyers should have a field day as well as firms who will be rushing to install secure shit facilities).


Saturday, January 01, 2022

Ignorance IS Bliss - Trumpism

 Ignorance IS Bliss


This phrase was coined by the English poet and literary scholar Thomas Gray (1716-1771) in An Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College (London: printed for R. Dodsley and sold by M. Cooper, 1747):

 

"To each his suff'rings: all are men,

         Condemn'd alike to groan,

The tender for another's pain;

         Th' unfeeling for his own.

Yet ah! why should they know their fate?

Since sorrow never comes too late,

         And happiness too swiftly flies.

Thought would destroy their paradise.

No more; where ignorance is bliss,

    'Tis folly to be wise."

 

America’s Red States mostly populated by low information individuals with majorities of the non-college educated represent the inherent value in this mind numbing worldview:

 

“Thought would destroy their paradise.

No more; where ignorance is bliss,

    'Tis folly to be wise.”

 

Meanwhile America’s Blue State populations with their preponderance of educated progressive liberals and humanists, awash daily in  harsh true facts - Those realities of America’s intolerance - discrimination - inequalities and inequities; suffer  daily existential anxt  and 

Blisslessness.

 

Along with the ubiquitous tribal scorn of their blissful fellow Americans! 

 

 For us godless queer libtards who threaten that soothing balm of freedom from what they don’t know or understand -The comfort of faith in their absurdities - The reinforced bonding with their neighborly cults and tribes - The relief from struggle with the complexities of nuanced existence.

 

Anti-Science and ahistorical  - Slumbering in Plato’s Cave until aroused to action by the whining of those libtards who threaten their god blessed White America and their blissful certainty.

 

AND whose pathetic condescending ingenuous and arrogant attempts to help them; only reinforce their contempt for us weak kneed  America haters and neo-liberals with our godless programs and policies designed to create a socialist paradise out of this great beautiful white land.

Well -How  stupid do we progressives have to be - To keep trying to help these Red State Trogs from turning into the inevitable state of cultural and economic irrelevance awaiting them 

From their self-inflicted wounds?

 

 Let them peacefully  celebrate their blissful tribal nativism - AND their delusional white supremacy. Leave them unimpeded by our progressive protestations to wallow in their ignorance and  lousy leftover low tech jobs  -  Surrounded by their hopeless under educated children until they have to come begging for the guaranteed incomes we might then provide -Essential to sustain their basic needs.

 

Meanwhile we’ll be celebrating OUR new well deserved  BLISS! 

 

Free from giving a shit about y’all!


Tuesday, December 21, 2021

Heaviest Porn Use is in Red States with the Most trumpanzees -Duh!

 Most Porn by State


sexually repressed absurdists

obese

shit jobs

ignorant

cain't get laid

smart hot women laugh at them

99% trumpanzees 

lmfao





Monday, December 20, 2021

THE most viscious sub-human schmuck of the year - AND his GOP

 A fell group of swine in thrall to a dangerous evil sub human -grifting imbecile and immoral vulgar serial narcissist and sociopath.

A nature hating -science denying - dehumanizing lying bullying hero to an entire political party AND half of America.



Friday, December 17, 2021

Death Pods Available Soon

 "For years, a sleek, pod-shaped suicide machine called Sarco has been a striking sight at museums and funeral conventions.

Now the creator of the pod is saying he is ready to take it beyond the showroom and make it available for 3-D printing next year in Switzerland, which has permissive laws on voluntary assisted suicide.

The announcement by the inventor, Dr. Philip Nitschke, has unsettled even some of the most ardent right-to-die advocates, inflaming the debate.

Dr. Nitschke, an Australian doctor who has been a supporter of assisted voluntary suicide for decades, said this month that he hoped to start sharing the 3-D printing program for the machine, which is designed to cause death as it fills with nitrogen, replacing the oxygen inside."




He said he was aiming to introduce it in Switzerland in early 2022 after a lawyer hired by his nonprofit organization, Exit International, found no conflict with Swiss law. But the announcement, which he made in interviews and on the organization’s website, added to a growing debate over whether the online distribution of suicide information and materials encourages people to end their own lives when they might not otherwise seek to do so.

In Britain, where an assisted dying bill is being reviewed in Parliament, Dr. Stephen Duckworth, the founder of Disability Matters Global, wrote in The Independent that he was “appalled” by Sarco.

Dr. Duckworth, who has pressed for safe laws emphasizing personal choice and control of the dying process, added that he could not support it, “nor am I aware of any credible assisted-dying campaigner who does.” Sarco, he said in an interview, would “deprive users of human connection and replace it with a lonely virtual-reality experience.”

He also raised concerns about safety. “What if it is accessed by someone not in their right mind?” he said. “Or a child? Or if it is used to abuse others? What if it doesn’t result in immediate or peaceful death and the individual is left alone without any recourse to call for help?”