A day after agreeing to a record $660 million settlement with 508 victims of sexual abuse by members of the clergy in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles, Cardinal Roger Mahony apologized to the victims for “this terrible sin and crime” and said he hoped the settlement would bring a “final resolution."
This horror story is probably a good time to address what people say to me on a regular basis; "You know bandit -- by being so extreme with your filthy language you transcend the basic parameters of satire and fall into unfocused pique and undisciplined and ignorant rage!" - I made that up --what they say is ;"You are a foul mouthed angry Jew!
Well, let's get some things straight!
The point of my linguistic extremism is that there is some behavior - (like religio child molestation and terrorism), for example, that does not deserve the blessing of dignified conversation -- or the validation of ANY form of normative discussion. Such behavior needs to be isolated in the context of it's "outrage" and wrapped in a syntax commensurrate with it's cruel and sick pathology -- with absolute zero tolerence for it's existence. -- The narrative equivalent of squashing a bug!
Yes indeedy, there is a desperate need to empirically analyze and evaluate the root causes of vicious and nihilistic human behavior and to gain understanding and devise treatment options and discuss these matters in a non barbaric context;-- but -- the survival of our loved ones depends on absolute ground level clarity and an immediate response to the enemies at hand - commensurate with their immediate threat level!
Example; -- the fucking Cardinal's apology for ruining innocent kids through predatory and brutally deviate sex -- administered by trusted priests -- ain't worth shit! The Pope should crawl on his belly to a microphone and beg for forgiveness and open up the whole ridiculous Church doctrine to some fresh thinking. And until there are enough Christians with enough brains and balls to see through the deviates that control the Vatican --and cry out "enough you anachronistic power mad cocksuckers" -- children will be fucked in the ass and scarred for life by homo priests.
So you see how inflammatory language ( i feel better already) might work to inspire action? -- Think of Tom Paine's "Common Sense" which inspired the American Revolution -- and think of the digibandit as "Fucking Common Sense!" As adapted for present dangers; where our enemies are not three thousand miles away with muskets and cannons -- but hours away with weapons of mass destruction and taking their orders from a violent God promising them Paradise in return for slaughtering our children and grandmothers. --- And in our local parishes where your local homo vicar is trying to use god to fuck little Johnny up his asshole.
Well, my friends --unless we all get a lot angrier at all this crap and call a spade a spade and cut out all the pc crapolo ; -- the politicians and bad guys are gonna keep getting away with murder! And, if you just keep shopping and watching TV and having fun and games as usual -- and wait for some literate well mannered politician to save your stupid fucking asses -- and don't jump into the game -- well -- "Just you wait Henry Higgins --Just you wait -- you'll be sorry but your tears will come too late ("My Fair Lady --the Musical)
My dog is named Liza,after the orphan girl, Liza Doolitle, in that musical, and i'm going up into the mountains with her above the Hollywood Hills, as usual, and say a fucking prayer to whatever asshole created us -- because this ain't no fucking Musical!
Oh -- and the Pope is an ignorant medieval cocksucker!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Muslim Extremism Due To Lack OFCelebrities -- Says New Study
Doctor Menschel Weintraub, director of social neuroscience at the Institute For The Study Of Social Dystopia, in West Hollywood , California, announced: "We have compelling evidence that Arab Muslims are suffering significant mental trauma from a complete lack of "Celebrity" in their culture!"
"And we are not talking about their worshiping human throwbacks like the Ayatolah Khomeini -- or other such tyrants -- as replacements for Victoria Beckham or Paris Hilton or Lyndsay Lohan -- who keep America's masses distracted from their pitiful lives."
He continued; "If you basically dislike your work and wife and even yourself, and if life basically sucks ; -- Is a picture on your living room wall of an angry old smelly Mullah going to relieve your distress?"
"Nope -- the Romans knew exactly how to relieve the ignorant masses from their anxiety -- extreme sports and extreme violence and extreme displays of pussy! And just to insure that no one got to focused on the shit of their daily lives -- they always had plenty of booze available and lot's of military conquests going on."
"If the masses of ignorant American's did not have their celebrities they would be in fucking misery --And that's with all the bling and gadgets and shit food and all the other mindless diversions to which they have access and persue like commercial gluttons."
He continued; "Now the Arab extremists haven't had a cultural success story in over a thousand years. They are broke - exploited by their own leaders -- have no clue about pussy -- virtually no art or literature -- their TV and sports are a joke -- zero laughs -- drink fourteen cups of coffee a day -- no air conditioning -- no booze or drugs - food sucks and they have been totally marginalized militarily. ( and down deep they know we will kill them all, like cockroaches, when they piss us off enough) -- And they have NO celebrities."
Doctor Weintraub concluded; "So -- until you see a Muslim counterpart to Victoria Beckham shaking her skinny ass at The Dome of The Rock with a million Arabs screaming -- "Al matakbe valatka Mossho vlantash pooshhee ! poosshee! pooshees!" ( which means sit on my beard you hot sandy pussy in Arabic) -- the violence will continue
"And we are not talking about their worshiping human throwbacks like the Ayatolah Khomeini -- or other such tyrants -- as replacements for Victoria Beckham or Paris Hilton or Lyndsay Lohan -- who keep America's masses distracted from their pitiful lives."
He continued; "If you basically dislike your work and wife and even yourself, and if life basically sucks ; -- Is a picture on your living room wall of an angry old smelly Mullah going to relieve your distress?"
"Nope -- the Romans knew exactly how to relieve the ignorant masses from their anxiety -- extreme sports and extreme violence and extreme displays of pussy! And just to insure that no one got to focused on the shit of their daily lives -- they always had plenty of booze available and lot's of military conquests going on."
"If the masses of ignorant American's did not have their celebrities they would be in fucking misery --And that's with all the bling and gadgets and shit food and all the other mindless diversions to which they have access and persue like commercial gluttons."
He continued; "Now the Arab extremists haven't had a cultural success story in over a thousand years. They are broke - exploited by their own leaders -- have no clue about pussy -- virtually no art or literature -- their TV and sports are a joke -- zero laughs -- drink fourteen cups of coffee a day -- no air conditioning -- no booze or drugs - food sucks and they have been totally marginalized militarily. ( and down deep they know we will kill them all, like cockroaches, when they piss us off enough) -- And they have NO celebrities."
Doctor Weintraub concluded; "So -- until you see a Muslim counterpart to Victoria Beckham shaking her skinny ass at The Dome of The Rock with a million Arabs screaming -- "Al matakbe valatka Mossho vlantash pooshhee ! poosshee! pooshees!" ( which means sit on my beard you hot sandy pussy in Arabic) -- the violence will continue
Friday, July 13, 2007
Mitt Romney Says Polygamy Is The Only Way For A Happy Marriage
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who has maintained in the face of wide concern about his Mormon faith, that Mormon ideology would play no part in his policies as president -- was overheard spilling the beans to a close aide!
The bandit informant stated; "I heard Mitt say that the concept of fidelity is ridiculous and that no red blooded male should or could be expected to only fuck one woman for the rest of his life!" He said that Mitt went on a tirade as follows:
" A fat ugly Christian conservative ,which is eighty percent of them, has no shot at getting hot pussy --so it's easy for them to preach about fidelity. Wer'e talking here about guys who think grunting into a fat cow and cumming once a month is what a sex life is all about."
"Now you take attractive and rich and powerful and clever and fun guys like me -- every day there's some piece of ass throwing herself at me - these yo yo's who have no shot at hot pussy -- which they can only dream about and watch porno - have zero puusy options and they should not be judging those who do!"
"Now i want a family and a political career -- so i have to have a wife and put up a front for those corny celebrity addicted morons out there. But let's be real about it -- if a cool dude wants to have a big family does he want to have one tiresome and wornout and overburdened future hag of a wife? --- Or, does he want to have a dozen or so hot wives that maintain their pussy heat over the long haul?"
"It's just too durned bad that we can't be open and honest about these issues because i know i can do a hell of a lot of good as president. and i hate lying about my pussy philosophy -- but if i get into that oval office -- cool dudes and hot pussy will have a friendly Mormon president in the white house."
He's definitely got my vote!
The bandit informant stated; "I heard Mitt say that the concept of fidelity is ridiculous and that no red blooded male should or could be expected to only fuck one woman for the rest of his life!" He said that Mitt went on a tirade as follows:
" A fat ugly Christian conservative ,which is eighty percent of them, has no shot at getting hot pussy --so it's easy for them to preach about fidelity. Wer'e talking here about guys who think grunting into a fat cow and cumming once a month is what a sex life is all about."
"Now you take attractive and rich and powerful and clever and fun guys like me -- every day there's some piece of ass throwing herself at me - these yo yo's who have no shot at hot pussy -- which they can only dream about and watch porno - have zero puusy options and they should not be judging those who do!"
"Now i want a family and a political career -- so i have to have a wife and put up a front for those corny celebrity addicted morons out there. But let's be real about it -- if a cool dude wants to have a big family does he want to have one tiresome and wornout and overburdened future hag of a wife? --- Or, does he want to have a dozen or so hot wives that maintain their pussy heat over the long haul?"
"It's just too durned bad that we can't be open and honest about these issues because i know i can do a hell of a lot of good as president. and i hate lying about my pussy philosophy -- but if i get into that oval office -- cool dudes and hot pussy will have a friendly Mormon president in the white house."
He's definitely got my vote!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Conservative "Family Guy" Louisiana Senator Was Fucking Whores
“I’m a conservative who opposes radically redefining marriage, the most important social institution in human history,” Mr. David Vitter, a 46-year-old Republican, wrote in a letter last year to The Times-Picayune, the New Orleans daily.
That self-created image, a political winner here since 1991, when Mr. Vitter joined the Louisiana House, took a tumble Monday with the disclosure that his phone number was among those on a list of client numbers kept by Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the so-called D.C. Madam, who is accused of running a prostitution ring in Washington."
"So this report in todays New York Times should come as no surprise to anyone with half a brain!" said Doctor Herschel Mandelbaum, head psychiatrist at the National Center for Male Lust, in Eugene Oregon.
"Every study that has ever been done on the male libido, and it's cognitive and physiological response to hot pussy; -- has conclusively shown that the prick has a very strong mind of it's own!"
He added; "And in the case of male religious conservatives these studies have shown that seventy percent of them will jump anything they can! The family value thing is right out the window when the one eyed monstor starts to rise -- fortunately for their families most of these bible thumpers are very unnatractive to women and have low levels of testosterone and small dicks -- otherwise they would fuck their pets!"
Dr.Mandelbaum, who is the world authority on male libidian behavior further stated; "And in the case of male politicians who espouse conservative family values -- our studies have shown with a margin of error of less then one percent, that when arroused -- they would fuck a snake!"
In conclusion the Doctor stated: " When finally caught with their peckers hanging out they always say, as in the case of Senator Vitter, -- "I am so sorry that i sinned in the past before i found the Lord --yadadadada."
"It's all bullshit! -- If a female aid winked at them seconds after their bullshit cries of contrition - they would throw her in the back of their limo and fuck her like a dog in heat!"
That self-created image, a political winner here since 1991, when Mr. Vitter joined the Louisiana House, took a tumble Monday with the disclosure that his phone number was among those on a list of client numbers kept by Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the so-called D.C. Madam, who is accused of running a prostitution ring in Washington."
"So this report in todays New York Times should come as no surprise to anyone with half a brain!" said Doctor Herschel Mandelbaum, head psychiatrist at the National Center for Male Lust, in Eugene Oregon.
"Every study that has ever been done on the male libido, and it's cognitive and physiological response to hot pussy; -- has conclusively shown that the prick has a very strong mind of it's own!"
He added; "And in the case of male religious conservatives these studies have shown that seventy percent of them will jump anything they can! The family value thing is right out the window when the one eyed monstor starts to rise -- fortunately for their families most of these bible thumpers are very unnatractive to women and have low levels of testosterone and small dicks -- otherwise they would fuck their pets!"
Dr.Mandelbaum, who is the world authority on male libidian behavior further stated; "And in the case of male politicians who espouse conservative family values -- our studies have shown with a margin of error of less then one percent, that when arroused -- they would fuck a snake!"
In conclusion the Doctor stated: " When finally caught with their peckers hanging out they always say, as in the case of Senator Vitter, -- "I am so sorry that i sinned in the past before i found the Lord --yadadadada."
"It's all bullshit! -- If a female aid winked at them seconds after their bullshit cries of contrition - they would throw her in the back of their limo and fuck her like a dog in heat!"
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Barak Obama Is White Says Geneticist -- Hillary claims she's half black!
The bandit has learned from a medical source close to the Obama family that Barak became very enamored with Michael Jackson as a teenager and began to use a similar whitening pigmentation product similar to Jackson's over a prolonged period!
'He even thought about changing his name to Lance Barak" - said Dr. Maury Goldfarb. There has been no comment from the Obama camp but Hillary Clinton said in response to this amazing story: "Well, i have my own announcement to make that's quite a shocker -- i am half black! -- so how about that my brothas and sistas?"
"The Reverend Al Sharpton said: "Barak trying to pass as a honky just shows how much racial dysfunction there is in America -- next we'll find out that Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice are closet honky's too --but i'm pretty sure about Clarence Thomas and Alan Iverson
"And all the ignorant rednecks will be sittin around today in eugenics heaven" -- I can hear them now down at the shitbird cafe in Alabama having coffee after just slappin their wives around and violating their chldren ; "Yep bubba i knew them uppity negroes was part white -- well ole Strom woulda taken care of them all if it weren't for those kikes up in New York."
Rev,Sharpton concluded;"And if Hillary Clinton is half black i will eat her pussy in Macy's window!"
'He even thought about changing his name to Lance Barak" - said Dr. Maury Goldfarb. There has been no comment from the Obama camp but Hillary Clinton said in response to this amazing story: "Well, i have my own announcement to make that's quite a shocker -- i am half black! -- so how about that my brothas and sistas?"
"The Reverend Al Sharpton said: "Barak trying to pass as a honky just shows how much racial dysfunction there is in America -- next we'll find out that Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice are closet honky's too --but i'm pretty sure about Clarence Thomas and Alan Iverson
"And all the ignorant rednecks will be sittin around today in eugenics heaven" -- I can hear them now down at the shitbird cafe in Alabama having coffee after just slappin their wives around and violating their chldren ; "Yep bubba i knew them uppity negroes was part white -- well ole Strom woulda taken care of them all if it weren't for those kikes up in New York."
Rev,Sharpton concluded;"And if Hillary Clinton is half black i will eat her pussy in Macy's window!"
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Serena Williams Scared The Shit Out OF Russians At Wimbledon
Those tall leggy Russian tennis players who Serena Williams defeated at Wimbledon complained to the British Tennis Society today; "I was constantly afraid that she would rip through the net and trample me like a giant black Rhinocerous" said Elenya Smyrynosposkayovich after losing to Williams ,whose nickname is Gevaltnegtuckismaya --which means "A giant black ass rolling down a hill" in Russian.
The head of the British safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent Serena from ploughing right on through when she thunders up to the net; "Our tests have shown, said Sir Arthur Cornwitz, that a woman of her size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court."
He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the Royal Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on British aircraft carriers to stop our planes from crashing through and into the ocean -- but Admiral Sir Meyer Pinsky Captain of the battle carrier HMS Horatio Nelson expressed his concern; "Having seen the thrusting power of this amazing amazon on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her."
When confronted with the dilemma Serena said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test his burly black ass!"
The head of the British safety committee said they were going to install special tennis nets with safety features to prevent Serena from ploughing right on through when she thunders up to the net; "Our tests have shown, said Sir Arthur Cornwitz, that a woman of her size -- with those enormous buttocks and ham hocks and traveling at high speed with those huge black breasts thrusting out like twin battering rams -- could plow through the standard net and take out not only her opponent, but the line referee -- two or three ball retrievers and approximately seven spectators in the first row of the center court."
He continued; "We approached the head of engineering for the Royal Navy and they have devised a protective system similar to the ones used on British aircraft carriers to stop our planes from crashing through and into the ocean -- but Admiral Sir Meyer Pinsky Captain of the battle carrier HMS Horatio Nelson expressed his concern; "Having seen the thrusting power of this amazing amazon on the courts -- I'm not sure if the jet nets will hold her."
When confronted with the dilemma Serena said; "Yep --the only thing that might hold me back is those big fine loin chops of maybe Shaq O'Neal? -- and i wouldn't bet on it if i was you --butt (heh heh) i sure would like to test his burly black ass!"
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Drunken Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas Say's America's Black Slaves Were Lucky Ones
Clarence Thomas set off some fireworks at a fourth of july cocktail party when in a drunken rage he screamed; "The blacks are always saying i'm an uncle Tom and a disgrace to my race because i don't manipulate the power of the constitution to save their lazy black asses!"
A guest at the party said he ranted on and on;"These are the same type of niggas who picked on me as a kid for being too black, and then later said i was a traitor for marrying a white woman --they just a bunch of drug addicts and ignorant loafers who are damn lucky to have gotten the hell out of that shithole Africa -- compliments of the slave trade."
Thomas who was confirmed by the slimmest margin in history (one vote) to the Supreme Court, after reports surfaced about his love of pornography and sexual harrassment of his law school colleague Anita Hill; has taken every opportunity as a justice to block affirmative action on behalf of minorities and has been a staunch conservative and strict constructionist -- in lock step with Anthony Scalia.
"Seventy five percent of the blacks who were shipped out of Africa as slaves would have died of aids or someother nasty tropical disease -- or been killed by some other murderous nigger -- or been eaten by a crocodile or whatever else kind of stinking creature what lives in their rotten filthy jungles!" -- he ranted, -- and when his white wife tried to calm him down he shouted at her; "Shut up you white whore - when we get home i'll drive my Anaconda (a huge black snake) up your butt!"
"Those blackass liberals like Rev Sharpton would probably have had their nuts cut off by some wabboongi or Tutu or Hutu or You Tu, instead of getting to make excuses for niggas who leave their families and do dope and crime instead of getting educated and working to survive against all odds - like me."
The anonymous party guest stated; "He was really drunk and pissed off about the article that leaked out on digibandit.com about his beating off under his robe while in judicial hearings --and that being the reason he has never asked a question from the bench."
He yelled ''Some lousy nigger leaked that story to the bandit -- a no good motherfucker who just wants everything handed to him on a silver platter -- maybe these dumb fucks should pay back the USA for getting their relatives out of that shithole deathtrap of a black continent where they would have starved their black asses to death instead of eating themselves into diabetes and hypertension and obesity at Mc Donalds!"
When chief justice John Roberts got wind of the drunken incident with his associate he said; "Oh ,heh heh heh -- ole Clarence was just letting off a little July Fourth steam -- that's just part of the good old American spirit and tradition --heh heh heh!"
Happy Holiday!
A guest at the party said he ranted on and on;"These are the same type of niggas who picked on me as a kid for being too black, and then later said i was a traitor for marrying a white woman --they just a bunch of drug addicts and ignorant loafers who are damn lucky to have gotten the hell out of that shithole Africa -- compliments of the slave trade."
Thomas who was confirmed by the slimmest margin in history (one vote) to the Supreme Court, after reports surfaced about his love of pornography and sexual harrassment of his law school colleague Anita Hill; has taken every opportunity as a justice to block affirmative action on behalf of minorities and has been a staunch conservative and strict constructionist -- in lock step with Anthony Scalia.
"Seventy five percent of the blacks who were shipped out of Africa as slaves would have died of aids or someother nasty tropical disease -- or been killed by some other murderous nigger -- or been eaten by a crocodile or whatever else kind of stinking creature what lives in their rotten filthy jungles!" -- he ranted, -- and when his white wife tried to calm him down he shouted at her; "Shut up you white whore - when we get home i'll drive my Anaconda (a huge black snake) up your butt!"
"Those blackass liberals like Rev Sharpton would probably have had their nuts cut off by some wabboongi or Tutu or Hutu or You Tu, instead of getting to make excuses for niggas who leave their families and do dope and crime instead of getting educated and working to survive against all odds - like me."
The anonymous party guest stated; "He was really drunk and pissed off about the article that leaked out on digibandit.com about his beating off under his robe while in judicial hearings --and that being the reason he has never asked a question from the bench."
He yelled ''Some lousy nigger leaked that story to the bandit -- a no good motherfucker who just wants everything handed to him on a silver platter -- maybe these dumb fucks should pay back the USA for getting their relatives out of that shithole deathtrap of a black continent where they would have starved their black asses to death instead of eating themselves into diabetes and hypertension and obesity at Mc Donalds!"
When chief justice John Roberts got wind of the drunken incident with his associate he said; "Oh ,heh heh heh -- ole Clarence was just letting off a little July Fourth steam -- that's just part of the good old American spirit and tradition --heh heh heh!"
Happy Holiday!
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Israeli's Develop Shit Seeking Missile -- to Target Stinking Muslim Extremist
The Pentagon announced today that ; " The Israeli's have made a breakthrough in weapon's technology that will enable us to target,with shitpoint accuracy, the assholes (literally) that are our worst enemies in the war on terror.
"General Moishe Pipick of the Israeli Defense Agency said in Tel Aviv today;"These people stink to begin with -- very limited water -- it's hot and they wear those huge robes and fucking stupid hats and no toilets or toilet paper and they eat crappy food -- oy my gutt vey is mere" ."Well anyway", he continued, 'Now we have the leaders on the run and they really stink -- and the smell is mixed with explosives and munitions residue and some camel shit and some of their stinky wives stuff -- and we have been able to scientifically isolate these "fundamental shit molecules" -- and have created a guidance system that will deliver a payload (oye a pun) right into Osama's bung hole or any other asshole targets of major importance.
If i were Al ZaWeirdy or Moktr Al whatever his fucking stupid name is i would get a teflon ashhole transplant -- because their constipation problems are over -- oh, and Admadinejahd better wipe his ass really well or the only nuclear explosion he will experience is his colon sailing over France."Israeli Prime Minister Olmert said; "General Pipick got a little carried away (oops) but it's just that we are so very proud of this achievement and for supplying these weapons to our great allies and friends in America -- we have even named the missile "God's Tuchas Hammer", which we thought would please our religious fundamentalist friends in your great country .
"President Bush announced with glee: "The Jews can solve anything for a buck." -- "That's Democracy!"
"General Moishe Pipick of the Israeli Defense Agency said in Tel Aviv today;"These people stink to begin with -- very limited water -- it's hot and they wear those huge robes and fucking stupid hats and no toilets or toilet paper and they eat crappy food -- oy my gutt vey is mere" ."Well anyway", he continued, 'Now we have the leaders on the run and they really stink -- and the smell is mixed with explosives and munitions residue and some camel shit and some of their stinky wives stuff -- and we have been able to scientifically isolate these "fundamental shit molecules" -- and have created a guidance system that will deliver a payload (oye a pun) right into Osama's bung hole or any other asshole targets of major importance.
If i were Al ZaWeirdy or Moktr Al whatever his fucking stupid name is i would get a teflon ashhole transplant -- because their constipation problems are over -- oh, and Admadinejahd better wipe his ass really well or the only nuclear explosion he will experience is his colon sailing over France."Israeli Prime Minister Olmert said; "General Pipick got a little carried away (oops) but it's just that we are so very proud of this achievement and for supplying these weapons to our great allies and friends in America -- we have even named the missile "God's Tuchas Hammer", which we thought would please our religious fundamentalist friends in your great country .
"President Bush announced with glee: "The Jews can solve anything for a buck." -- "That's Democracy!"
Thursday, June 28, 2007
"Anne Coulter Looks Like Shit Naked" -Says Ex Boy Friend
Meyer Goldfat,Coulter's high school sweetheart said: "The reason she's turned into such a vicious sour apple and man hating cunt, is that she has not been laid since we broke up in i982!"
"I only srewed her once after the senior high graduation party -- she was wasted on booze and vi-codeine and actually she looked so ugly naked that i just rolled her over and stuck it up her corn hole", said Goldfat.
She is really frustrated, and all the cool guys in college she wanted to fuck just made fun of her. (her nickname was "Annie rottencrotch") Most of them were idealistic and liberal and that's the reason she hates Democrats with such a passion."
He continued;"One guy in particular, who she was really hot for, looked like a clone of presidential candidate John Edwards; and he was really brutal in his rejection -- he would put poems all over "Annie smelly rotten crotch -- kicks the ugly up a notch,"
So, said Goldblatt, "You can see why she hates John Edwards!" He added, "I kind of feel sorry for her, but the truth is she was a rotton vicious cunt even as a child -- she was a ball breaker in kindergarten -- just a natural born cunt!"
"I only srewed her once after the senior high graduation party -- she was wasted on booze and vi-codeine and actually she looked so ugly naked that i just rolled her over and stuck it up her corn hole", said Goldfat.
She is really frustrated, and all the cool guys in college she wanted to fuck just made fun of her. (her nickname was "Annie rottencrotch") Most of them were idealistic and liberal and that's the reason she hates Democrats with such a passion."
He continued;"One guy in particular, who she was really hot for, looked like a clone of presidential candidate John Edwards; and he was really brutal in his rejection -- he would put poems all over "Annie smelly rotten crotch -- kicks the ugly up a notch,"
So, said Goldblatt, "You can see why she hates John Edwards!" He added, "I kind of feel sorry for her, but the truth is she was a rotton vicious cunt even as a child -- she was a ball breaker in kindergarten -- just a natural born cunt!"
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Katie Couric To Get Head Of Walter Cronkite
Well -- showing a nipple didn't work! -- Turning her into the first "news dummy" by giving her a new voice didn't work! (all previously reported by the digibandit) -- now it's one last chance for Katie to survive her horrible ratings.
Les Moonbeam who hired her and who is in deep shit over that very costly decision, announced today: "We are going to put an exact replica of Walter Cronkite over Katie's head -- except for her tits and legs (her two best news assets) -- the audience will be looking at the most revered anchorman in the history of television !"
Mr. Cronkite said; "I am fortunate at this stage of my life to be able to make a contribution to news reporting even if I'm only a fake head attached to a dummy with hot tits and legs -- the American audience deserves nothing less --it is a perfect fit with their goofy lives."
Ms. Co uric announced; "I sincerely hope that giving some new head to the audience will bring them back to CBS news, and I'm so proud to be working with Walter Cronkite -- an iconic figure in journalism and a great human being ."
Les Moonbeam concluded; "This should give a great head (oops) start to our ratings going into the fall sweeps and if it works we might have Walter guest co-anchor with his head from time to time."
Les Moonbeam who hired her and who is in deep shit over that very costly decision, announced today: "We are going to put an exact replica of Walter Cronkite over Katie's head -- except for her tits and legs (her two best news assets) -- the audience will be looking at the most revered anchorman in the history of television !"
Mr. Cronkite said; "I am fortunate at this stage of my life to be able to make a contribution to news reporting even if I'm only a fake head attached to a dummy with hot tits and legs -- the American audience deserves nothing less --it is a perfect fit with their goofy lives."
Ms. Co uric announced; "I sincerely hope that giving some new head to the audience will bring them back to CBS news, and I'm so proud to be working with Walter Cronkite -- an iconic figure in journalism and a great human being ."
Les Moonbeam concluded; "This should give a great head (oops) start to our ratings going into the fall sweeps and if it works we might have Walter guest co-anchor with his head from time to time."
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Paris Hilton Blows Larry King For Interview
A production assistant on the Larry King show has "blown" the whistle on his boss! --"Paris went into his office and i heard her whining and crying about how the broadcast networks wouldn't pay for her jail story and how Barbara Walters called her a slut and a moron and told her to go see that pimp Larry King ." -- said the assistant."
He continued; "Then i heard Larry say that he wasn't interested and that no responsible journalist would allow her to moan about her stupid crap in prime time when there were important issues to discuss with people of substance."
Then i heard Paris say; "Well would any of those people suck your cock so hard that your brain might explode?" --"And then there was total silence and in about two minutes i heard Larry scream --- "oh oh wooooo --oye vey is mir - wowowowo - Pareeeeees --yeyeyes!"
Then, according to the production assistant, he was called into the office and Larry announced his plan to preempt Michael Moore and to interview Paris -- his eyes were blank and unfocused and she just smiled -- and she had a giant cum stain on her blouse."
"Larry just kept mumbling that this was an important statement about the criminal justice system in America and about world justice" -- i felt like telling him he was nothing but an old Jewish pimp with a rich wasp whore."
Well, maybe his young wife will have a few words along those lines -- she must be very proud of him. --- Oh , and all you fucking morons who are planning on watching the interview should consider killing yourselves instead.
He continued; "Then i heard Larry say that he wasn't interested and that no responsible journalist would allow her to moan about her stupid crap in prime time when there were important issues to discuss with people of substance."
Then i heard Paris say; "Well would any of those people suck your cock so hard that your brain might explode?" --"And then there was total silence and in about two minutes i heard Larry scream --- "oh oh wooooo --oye vey is mir - wowowowo - Pareeeeees --yeyeyes!"
Then, according to the production assistant, he was called into the office and Larry announced his plan to preempt Michael Moore and to interview Paris -- his eyes were blank and unfocused and she just smiled -- and she had a giant cum stain on her blouse."
"Larry just kept mumbling that this was an important statement about the criminal justice system in America and about world justice" -- i felt like telling him he was nothing but an old Jewish pimp with a rich wasp whore."
Well, maybe his young wife will have a few words along those lines -- she must be very proud of him. --- Oh , and all you fucking morons who are planning on watching the interview should consider killing yourselves instead.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Hillary says Bill Is Under Control With Her New Blow Job Power
Responding to the attack by David Geffen,former Clinton ally and fund raiser, and now Obama Baracka supporter; that Bill would be risky (meaning frisky) to have as first man -- she stated at a press conference today: "
After Bill got sucked off in the oval orifice (heh heh ) by Monica Lewinsky, i took a long hard (forgive the pun)look at the situation and had to admit to myself that i was starving a very virile man of a key ingredient in his emotional composition; the need for oral sex which is a very deep and important drive in both men and women -- and a necessity for the fulfillment of a complete relationship.
"After Bill and i completed the demanding 'Oral Sex Boot Camp Training' -- which,bye the way, is so rigorous that experts call it the Navy Seal training equivalent of Deep Diving -- and where Bill came in first in the class and i came in second ( the woman that came in first could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch (heh hehheh) -- our marriage completely changed and we are like a pair of lovebirds"
"Bill says,when he stops screaming and moaning, that he can hardly walk after i finish -- and i don't mean to get personal but last week our security team almost broke into our soundproof bedroom after Bill performed his 'Dive" on me. -- i actually snapped one of the posts off George Washington's bed when i climaxed"
"Anyway -- Bill is under control -- and as first man he will be a great asset to the political process in effectively serving the American people -- and he sure will provide an important ongoing function for Madam President."
After Bill got sucked off in the oval orifice (heh heh ) by Monica Lewinsky, i took a long hard (forgive the pun)look at the situation and had to admit to myself that i was starving a very virile man of a key ingredient in his emotional composition; the need for oral sex which is a very deep and important drive in both men and women -- and a necessity for the fulfillment of a complete relationship.
"After Bill and i completed the demanding 'Oral Sex Boot Camp Training' -- which,bye the way, is so rigorous that experts call it the Navy Seal training equivalent of Deep Diving -- and where Bill came in first in the class and i came in second ( the woman that came in first could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch (heh hehheh) -- our marriage completely changed and we are like a pair of lovebirds"
"Bill says,when he stops screaming and moaning, that he can hardly walk after i finish -- and i don't mean to get personal but last week our security team almost broke into our soundproof bedroom after Bill performed his 'Dive" on me. -- i actually snapped one of the posts off George Washington's bed when i climaxed"
"Anyway -- Bill is under control -- and as first man he will be a great asset to the political process in effectively serving the American people -- and he sure will provide an important ongoing function for Madam President."
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Fox Announces "Smarter Than A Cock?"
Fox TV -- which continues to knock reality show hits out of the park with shows like "Hell's Kitchen" and "Smarter Than A Fifth Grader" -- is kicking it up a notch!
Irwin Bloomis head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."
"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.
The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"
To which Bloomis responded ; "Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids -- Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat A Chink Fifth Grader?"
Next --The no Cock left behind education bill?
Irwin Bloomis head of Fox development said "Smarter Than A Cock" will pit a male Rooster against an inner city black high school student -- as they compete to "peck out"the answers to a series of word and math puzzles."
"Roosters are quite clever and in test runs their pecking solutions beat the black kids written and oral answers most of the time ," said Bloomis.
The digibandit Hollywood reporter asked; "Are you telling us that a Cock beat a black high school student in a math and english competition?"
To which Bloomis responded ; "Absolutely --yes! -- and that's not to demean the black kids -- Cocks are smart and as a matter of fact -- we are considering a reality special called "Can A Cock Beat A Chink Fifth Grader?"
Next --The no Cock left behind education bill?
Monday, June 18, 2007
Koran Says "No Oral Sex" -- Scholar Says "Thats 'The Muslim's Main Problem"
The great Islamic scholar, Hairarry Mufki Pufki said at Cairo University today; “The primary reason that so many Arab societies are dysfunctional and that Islamic fascism is taking over the Middle East is that -- The Koran forbids oral sex!”
In chapter 989 verse 14 the great prophet says; “Those who eat of the hairy pudding or swallow the hard stick shall never enter paradise .” -- he continued, “It is rumored that Mohammad was prone to sucking many “hard sticks” and ate many “hairy puddings” and that Allah was repelled by this behavior.”
The Scholar stated;” Consequently we have a huge population of devout Muslims who have never enjoyed the relaxing and mellowing pleasures of oral sex -- hence they are prone to violence and cruelty and intolerance and hatred of women and even children -- and they hope that upon earning entrance into Paradise by killing Infidels they might get a blow job at long last.”
When asked why Catholic priests ,who take vows of celibacy and chastity do not condone such violence -- the scholar replied; “Because catholic priests suck more alter boy cock than a whore on Santa Monica boulevard in west Hollywood on a Friday night.”
Ah! --so that’s it!
In chapter 989 verse 14 the great prophet says; “Those who eat of the hairy pudding or swallow the hard stick shall never enter paradise .” -- he continued, “It is rumored that Mohammad was prone to sucking many “hard sticks” and ate many “hairy puddings” and that Allah was repelled by this behavior.”
The Scholar stated;” Consequently we have a huge population of devout Muslims who have never enjoyed the relaxing and mellowing pleasures of oral sex -- hence they are prone to violence and cruelty and intolerance and hatred of women and even children -- and they hope that upon earning entrance into Paradise by killing Infidels they might get a blow job at long last.”
When asked why Catholic priests ,who take vows of celibacy and chastity do not condone such violence -- the scholar replied; “Because catholic priests suck more alter boy cock than a whore on Santa Monica boulevard in west Hollywood on a Friday night.”
Ah! --so that’s it!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Supreme Court Justice Thomas Wacks off During Court hearings
An incredible report surfaced today as Meyer Goldtooth,a law clerk for Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas, told the bandit's court reporter:"Everyone has wondered for many years now why Justice Thomas never asks questions during Court hearings --and now i know why!"
He continued;"Last week i went up to pass him an important note during the partial birth abortion hearings and he was staring straight ahead -- his eyes were glazed over and he was muttering "oh yes -- oh shit -- oh my oh man!" -- "I could see he was wacking off and when he reached for the message his robe opened and i could see a massive black hard-on - it looked like an Anaconda.
"Meyer went on,"As you know he won confirmation by only one vote in a tough battle due to the fact that a former law professor, Anita Hill, who had worked for Thomas at EEOC and The Department of Education -- had accused him of sexual assault; and a lot of allegations were raised about his aberrant sexual proclivities at that time."Thomas has been a source of great frustration to black civil right leader's and a favorite of the Bush right wingers; and has sided with the religious conservatives on every fucked up issue dear to their delusional vision of social justice in accord with a world created five thousand years ago by Bugs Bunny.
Well -- now it all makes sense! Another sexually frustrated hypocrite --in a position of power -- getting even with the universe of us poor humans who get laid on a regular basis and laugh at assholes like them. It's quite a club: From the Pope to Bill O'Reilly et. al. -- and so now we welcome its newest prominent member --Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas -- "The Jerk-Off Justice."
He continued;"Last week i went up to pass him an important note during the partial birth abortion hearings and he was staring straight ahead -- his eyes were glazed over and he was muttering "oh yes -- oh shit -- oh my oh man!" -- "I could see he was wacking off and when he reached for the message his robe opened and i could see a massive black hard-on - it looked like an Anaconda.
"Meyer went on,"As you know he won confirmation by only one vote in a tough battle due to the fact that a former law professor, Anita Hill, who had worked for Thomas at EEOC and The Department of Education -- had accused him of sexual assault; and a lot of allegations were raised about his aberrant sexual proclivities at that time."Thomas has been a source of great frustration to black civil right leader's and a favorite of the Bush right wingers; and has sided with the religious conservatives on every fucked up issue dear to their delusional vision of social justice in accord with a world created five thousand years ago by Bugs Bunny.
Well -- now it all makes sense! Another sexually frustrated hypocrite --in a position of power -- getting even with the universe of us poor humans who get laid on a regular basis and laugh at assholes like them. It's quite a club: From the Pope to Bill O'Reilly et. al. -- and so now we welcome its newest prominent member --Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas -- "The Jerk-Off Justice."
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Fox Announces "She's Got Balls!"
Arnold Schlock, president of Fox reality television, announced their next breakthrough in family friendly -- trans gender -- reality programming.
"A group of young men men will get a chance to win one million dollars by deciding which of ten gorgeous transsexuals are actually women." Arnold continued,"The men -- all athletic macho types will get to ask questions and to slow dance with the transsexuals (hoping of course to get a revealing "rise" out of them ) in weeding out the men from the women," he said at a press conference in West Hollywood today -- transsexual capitol of the world.
"The contest will have a dramatic climax (oops) - as the men make their final choice and approaching their designated female choice they dramatically reach out and grab her/his crotch!" -- he continued with a big smile, "If they grab a pair of balls -- the stage lights up like a home run at Dodger stadium with the announcement -- "She's Got Balls!"
"And the poor schmuck is out a million bucks and the transsexual get's the money." -- this is gonna be the next American Idol as we travel the country holding transsexual auditions," Mr. Schlock stated.
"In little towns all across the country -- mothers will be escorting their teenage sons to the local "She's Got balls" audition sites dressed as gorgeous women," he said proudly, -- And this show will go a long way to breaking down the walls of intolerance that divide the "genders" in this great land of ours."
Another great television show and positive cultural breakthrough from Fox television! --Could "He's Got A Pussy !" be next?
"
"A group of young men men will get a chance to win one million dollars by deciding which of ten gorgeous transsexuals are actually women." Arnold continued,"The men -- all athletic macho types will get to ask questions and to slow dance with the transsexuals (hoping of course to get a revealing "rise" out of them ) in weeding out the men from the women," he said at a press conference in West Hollywood today -- transsexual capitol of the world.
"The contest will have a dramatic climax (oops) - as the men make their final choice and approaching their designated female choice they dramatically reach out and grab her/his crotch!" -- he continued with a big smile, "If they grab a pair of balls -- the stage lights up like a home run at Dodger stadium with the announcement -- "She's Got Balls!"
"And the poor schmuck is out a million bucks and the transsexual get's the money." -- this is gonna be the next American Idol as we travel the country holding transsexual auditions," Mr. Schlock stated.
"In little towns all across the country -- mothers will be escorting their teenage sons to the local "She's Got balls" audition sites dressed as gorgeous women," he said proudly, -- And this show will go a long way to breaking down the walls of intolerance that divide the "genders" in this great land of ours."
Another great television show and positive cultural breakthrough from Fox television! --Could "He's Got A Pussy !" be next?
"
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Alberto Gonzales Has Penile Dysfunction -- Say's Mistress
Beleaguered Attorney General,Alberto Gonzales, is really in deep shit after his ex mistress Meredith Easton;who plays Maudey Beasley on Boston Leagal -- spilled the beans (or should we say the habichuelos.)Meridith told the bandit's Holywood reporter that "Speedy" --the nickname she gave him (after the Mexican cartoon character) because
"He cums in about twenty seconds --his record is sixty five seconds." She continued with her shocking revelations that shed new light on the mysterious firings of U.S Attorneys who had sterling performance records: "Speedy hates tall people! --Especially tall Wasps! -- He told me that he was going to get rid of a whole bunch of tall and snotty gringo U.S Attorneys.
"She went on;"Speedy is actually only one quarter of an inch above the legal definition of a dwarf and he is insanely jealous of normal men. When he saw me romantically involved with Bill Shatner on Boston Legal he told me i was a dwarf slut and that he would have the Justice Department look into Shatner's background and taxes."Meredith continued; "Actually, 'Speedy' is hung like a moose -- but he can't control his cum passion.
When i told him that Shatner can go for hours he went crazy. -- He even slammed a law book on his cock in frustration -- he thought the pain would slow him down -- but not 'Speedy!' --He blew his wad in fifteen seconds and started crying -- "Those fucking gringos on The Senate Judiciary Committee -- especially that kike Arnold Spector -- they hate me because i'm a dwarf!"
"Speedy" -- i mean Attorney General Gonzales, could not be reached for comment but President Bush reiterated his support for him and said; "Speedy?" -- hey that's cute! -- I used to love that cartoon. You know what? -- he does look a lot like that little Mexican feller --heh heh heh!"
"He cums in about twenty seconds --his record is sixty five seconds." She continued with her shocking revelations that shed new light on the mysterious firings of U.S Attorneys who had sterling performance records: "Speedy hates tall people! --Especially tall Wasps! -- He told me that he was going to get rid of a whole bunch of tall and snotty gringo U.S Attorneys.
"She went on;"Speedy is actually only one quarter of an inch above the legal definition of a dwarf and he is insanely jealous of normal men. When he saw me romantically involved with Bill Shatner on Boston Legal he told me i was a dwarf slut and that he would have the Justice Department look into Shatner's background and taxes."Meredith continued; "Actually, 'Speedy' is hung like a moose -- but he can't control his cum passion.
When i told him that Shatner can go for hours he went crazy. -- He even slammed a law book on his cock in frustration -- he thought the pain would slow him down -- but not 'Speedy!' --He blew his wad in fifteen seconds and started crying -- "Those fucking gringos on The Senate Judiciary Committee -- especially that kike Arnold Spector -- they hate me because i'm a dwarf!"
"Speedy" -- i mean Attorney General Gonzales, could not be reached for comment but President Bush reiterated his support for him and said; "Speedy?" -- hey that's cute! -- I used to love that cartoon. You know what? -- he does look a lot like that little Mexican feller --heh heh heh!"
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Bible Park USA Will Become America's Vatican
Christianity is about to realize it's true potential!
Armon Bar-Tur, managing director of SafeHarbor Holding, a New York company that is developing Bible Park USA, said the project was revealed to officials months before it was ready. misconceptions and “silly rumors” have resulted, he said.
The park, described in promotional material as “edutainment,” would cost $150 million to $200 million. With a Galilean village as its centerpiece, one side of the park would present Old Testament stories like the Exodus; the other side would have New Testament stories like Jesus’ birth and crucifixion. The only displays in writing would be excerpts from Scripture, and parts of the park would be reserved for Bible study.
"This is the perfect way to capture the deep spiritual connection that Christianity has developed with modern folks all over the globe," said Pastor Calvin Butts of Murfreesboro, Tennessee --where the park will be situated.
He said that; Anyone who has been to the Mall of America and Disneyland knows that the only thing missing is a good old fashioned dose of themed Scripture! "And these folks from up in hymietown really know how to get a message across!"
"
They're planning a huge scary rolly coaster called 'The Hairy Mary' and their will be a water park called "Capsize and Baptize" and a ride which has been called the most exciting since Black Flags came out with Batman -- It's called 'Crucifixion'! -- where riders will be strapped upside down to crosses and spun around at super high speeds and are left hanging there for an hour while Hasidic Jew's chanting in Yiddish dance around them.
God and Christ and The Apostles will be wandering throughout the park -- just like Mickey mouse and the Dwarfs at Disneyland and there is speculation that there will also be "Pope Goofy" -- and one of the main attractions which has been sold out for the next five years: ---- You guessed it!
A state of the art 3d digital manger where you can witness the immaculate conception of Jesus Christ -- for only twenty bucks!
To be continued:
Armon Bar-Tur, managing director of SafeHarbor Holding, a New York company that is developing Bible Park USA, said the project was revealed to officials months before it was ready. misconceptions and “silly rumors” have resulted, he said.
The park, described in promotional material as “edutainment,” would cost $150 million to $200 million. With a Galilean village as its centerpiece, one side of the park would present Old Testament stories like the Exodus; the other side would have New Testament stories like Jesus’ birth and crucifixion. The only displays in writing would be excerpts from Scripture, and parts of the park would be reserved for Bible study.
"This is the perfect way to capture the deep spiritual connection that Christianity has developed with modern folks all over the globe," said Pastor Calvin Butts of Murfreesboro, Tennessee --where the park will be situated.
He said that; Anyone who has been to the Mall of America and Disneyland knows that the only thing missing is a good old fashioned dose of themed Scripture! "And these folks from up in hymietown really know how to get a message across!"
"
They're planning a huge scary rolly coaster called 'The Hairy Mary' and their will be a water park called "Capsize and Baptize" and a ride which has been called the most exciting since Black Flags came out with Batman -- It's called 'Crucifixion'! -- where riders will be strapped upside down to crosses and spun around at super high speeds and are left hanging there for an hour while Hasidic Jew's chanting in Yiddish dance around them.
God and Christ and The Apostles will be wandering throughout the park -- just like Mickey mouse and the Dwarfs at Disneyland and there is speculation that there will also be "Pope Goofy" -- and one of the main attractions which has been sold out for the next five years: ---- You guessed it!
A state of the art 3d digital manger where you can witness the immaculate conception of Jesus Christ -- for only twenty bucks!
To be continued:
Friday, June 08, 2007
Paris Hilton's Pubic Hair Smuggled Out Of Jail
A lock of Paris Hilton's pubic hair which a fellow prisoner snagged from a bar of soap she had used --was smuggled out of LA county jail and will be sold on ebay --starting bids already exceed 250 thousand dollars from an undisclosed Saudi prince.
The Saudi said the pubic hair was DNA certified to be from Paris' pussy and a perfect match with the one which was DNA identified from the toothbrush of Rosie O'Donnell -- which was stolen by Rosie's maid and sold to Donald Trump for 300 thousand dollars. (the toothbrush is on display at the Trump casino in Atlantic City,N.J where it is the number four tourist attraction in the state -- beating out the house where George Washington slept in Trenton..
Paris said today; "This only proves the point that we celebrities provide so much joy and pleasure to the happiness starved masses that we should not be measured by ordinary standards -- we should be left alone to behave in ways that will allow the masses to have some relief from their morbid and miserable and ignorant lives."
She continued; "Are you seriously going to lock someone up,like me, with dirty disgusting assholes -- who give millions of morons something to talk about except the weather -- and give the media an opportunity to connect with their viewers?"
"I mean really!" -- how much money do you think Hillary Clinton could get for her cunt hair?" she stated, "Or, how much would a lock of pussy hair from Sandra Day O'Connor go for? -- you couldn't give it away!"
"I mean really!" -- you don't have any celebrities in the Muslim world and look at what happens to maniacs and morons without any celebrities?"
You know -- she's got a point there -- hmmmm!
The Saudi said the pubic hair was DNA certified to be from Paris' pussy and a perfect match with the one which was DNA identified from the toothbrush of Rosie O'Donnell -- which was stolen by Rosie's maid and sold to Donald Trump for 300 thousand dollars. (the toothbrush is on display at the Trump casino in Atlantic City,N.J where it is the number four tourist attraction in the state -- beating out the house where George Washington slept in Trenton..
Paris said today; "This only proves the point that we celebrities provide so much joy and pleasure to the happiness starved masses that we should not be measured by ordinary standards -- we should be left alone to behave in ways that will allow the masses to have some relief from their morbid and miserable and ignorant lives."
She continued; "Are you seriously going to lock someone up,like me, with dirty disgusting assholes -- who give millions of morons something to talk about except the weather -- and give the media an opportunity to connect with their viewers?"
"I mean really!" -- how much money do you think Hillary Clinton could get for her cunt hair?" she stated, "Or, how much would a lock of pussy hair from Sandra Day O'Connor go for? -- you couldn't give it away!"
"I mean really!" -- you don't have any celebrities in the Muslim world and look at what happens to maniacs and morons without any celebrities?"
You know -- she's got a point there -- hmmmm!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
God says "Knock Off Political Prayer - Or Else!" -- Says Pope
"God is on overload!", said Pope Benedick today. "He has enough to handle without listening to Barak Obama and John Edwards et al. wining to him about their pseudo passion for the healing properties of Religion and Faith as they seek political power.
He stated; "God told me that while he was trying to do something about the genocide in Darfur, and was getting close to a solution -- Bam! -- in comes a prayer from Hillary Clinton concerning her lingering hatred for her husband because he got a blow job from an intern."
God continued;" Do i give a shit about one more blow job in a world that would be better off with more blowjobs and less violence and disease and crooked politicians?"
The pope said that God is really pissed off and also asserted; "If these phony politicians keep up with their "Political Prayer" i will give them a lot more to worry about than their careers."
God went on ; "Maybe i should let the public know the kind of shit that these people do when the lights are out?" - "They are mostly a bunch of ignorant -- lying -- hypocritical thieves and cowards! -- but they are still better than most humans!"
"Oh" said God; and if that ambulance chasing redneck, John Edwards says my name in vain one more time i will make damn sure his wife's cancer spreads to her pussy!"
He stated; "God told me that while he was trying to do something about the genocide in Darfur, and was getting close to a solution -- Bam! -- in comes a prayer from Hillary Clinton concerning her lingering hatred for her husband because he got a blow job from an intern."
God continued;" Do i give a shit about one more blow job in a world that would be better off with more blowjobs and less violence and disease and crooked politicians?"
The pope said that God is really pissed off and also asserted; "If these phony politicians keep up with their "Political Prayer" i will give them a lot more to worry about than their careers."
God went on ; "Maybe i should let the public know the kind of shit that these people do when the lights are out?" - "They are mostly a bunch of ignorant -- lying -- hypocritical thieves and cowards! -- but they are still better than most humans!"
"Oh" said God; and if that ambulance chasing redneck, John Edwards says my name in vain one more time i will make damn sure his wife's cancer spreads to her pussy!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
