XMas Used To Be Fun - Before The Christians Fucked It Up

No one knows what day Jesus Christ was born on. From the biblical description, most historians believe that his birth probably occurred in September, approximately six months after Passover.

One thing they agree on is that it is very unlikely that Jesus was born in December, since the bible records shepherds tending their sheep in the fields on that night. This is quite unlikely to have happened during a cold Judean winter. So why do we celebrate Christ’s birthday as Christmas, on December the 25th?

The answer lies in the pagan origins of Christmas. In ancient Babylon, the feast of the Son of Isis (Goddess of Nature) was celebrated on December 25. Raucous partying, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving were traditions of this feast.

In Rome, the Winter Solstice was celebrated many years before the birth of Christ. The Romans called their winter holiday Saturnalia, honoring Saturn, the God of Agriculture. In January, they observed the Kalends of January, which represented the triumph of life over death. This whole season was called Dies Natalis Invicti Solis, the Birthday of the Unconquered Sun. The festival season was marked by much merrymaking. It is in ancient Rome that the tradition of the Mummers was born. The Mummers were groups of costumed singers and dancers who traveled from house to house entertaining their neighbors. From this, the Christmas tradition of caroling was born.

In northern Europe, many other traditions that we now consider part of Christian worship were begun long before the participants had ever heard of Christ. The pagans of northern Europe celebrated the their own winter solstice, known as Yule. Yule was symbolic of the pagan Sun God, Mithras, being born, and was observed on the shortest day of the year. As the Sun God grew and matured, the days became longer and warmer. It was customary to light a candle to encourage Mithras, and the sun, to reappear next year.

Huge Yule logs were burned in honor of the sun. The word Yule itself means “wheel,” the wheel being a pagan symbol for the sun. Mistletoe was considered a sacred plant, and the custom of kissing under the mistletoe began as a fertility ritual. Hollyberries were thought to be a food of the gods.

The tree is the one symbol that unites almost all the northern European winter solstices. Live evergreen trees were often brought into homes during the harsh winters as a reminder to inhabitants that soon their crops would grow again. Evergreen boughs were sometimes carried as totems of good luck and were often present at weddings, representing fertility. The Druids used the tree as a religious symbol, holding their sacred ceremonies while surrounding and worshipping huge trees.

In 350, Pope Julius I declared that Christ’s birth would be celebrated on December 25. There is little doubt that he was trying to make it as painless as possible for pagan Romans (who remained a majority at that time) to convert to Christianity. The new religion went down a bit easier, knowing that their feasts would not be taken away from them.

Christmas (Christ-Mass) as we know it today, most historians agree, began in Germany, though Catholics and Lutherans still disagree about which church celebrated it first. The earliest record of an evergreen being decorated in a Christian celebration was in 1521 in the Alsace region of Germany. A prominent Lutheran minister of the day cried blasphemy:

“Better that they should look to the true tree of life, Christ.”
The controversy continues even today in some fundamentalist sects.

Hey - How About A Moron Redneck In The Cabinet?

It's certainly laudible that in trying to balance various constituencies and backgrounds, Obama has assembled a 15-member cabinet that includes six current or former members of Congress, three current or former governors and two Republicans, including Mr. LaHood.

And under pressure to increase ethnic and gender diversity, Mr. Obama picked three women and three Hispanics for his cabinet, with Ms. Solis counting in both categories. He named two Asian-Americans and one African-American. (Other officials will also be given a cabinet rank.)

But - How about some "Redneck Morons?"

I mean- without some Bible thumping - gun toting animal killers around the White House -AND some Anti Science Creationist, Homo hating -Pro life bigots and Rascists -How the fuck will Obama know what's goin on in half the country?

I mean - he's definitely top heavy in the IQ department - these folks may be bright and balanced thinkers - they may be intellectually curious with balanced egos and quality life experiences and solid educations - and records of accomplished problem solving - BUT:

Who will represent the moron rednecks? - I mean - just think about all those folks who still think Sarah Palin represents the future of the Republican Party - Don't forget that after eight years of the "Bush Doctrine' - and in the midst of an economic collapse - and two fucked up Wars ...............

Forty Seven percent of Americans still voted for the GOP!

I mean - like someone once said "Keep your friends close - but your enemies closer."

Hey - here's an idea! - How about appointing that lunatic Polak - about to be impeached Governor of Illinois - Rogoyavitch (or something like that - i know it's got Goy in it -like all Jew hating Polaks) - to a new cabinet position?

Department of Redneck Morons - yep - he's the man for the job!

Every single day he would be the perfect reminder of what a huge percentage of our neighbors are feeling and thinking about what's going on.

You never know when they might start putting on the sheets and getting out the torches - it's getting rough out there!

"Keep your enemies close!" - Obama

"Jewish Men In Hell" as Their Wives React To Madoff Ruin

Can you imagine the shit that all those poor wealthy Jewish husbands are getting from their wives?

"Oh my darling Esther"says Moishe Pipick - president of Pipick and Sons Investments LLC - in West Palm beach ,Florida - with assets of 200 million two weeks ago - and now totally busted!

Moishe continues; "Oh my dear - we seem to have run in to a bit of a problem down at the office."

"Hurry up Moishe" says Esther - "I'm late for my beauty spa appointment and then i have to take the Rolls in for service - and -oh don't forget to take Rachel to her riding lesson at 3 o'clock and - oh - and send Amos to pick up Sol at the tennis academy at five and then drop by the Palm Beach deli and pick up some Pastrami and Corned Beef."

"Well - actually dear" says Moishe -trembling "I have some rather bad news."

"What - What - Moishe !" says Esther - "Your'e always SO emotional - what molehill have you made into a mountain now - Moishela?"

"Wer'e fucking broke Esther! -that's what! - It turn out Bernie Madoff is a crook!"

"We can't afford any of this - if we get 25 cents on the dollar for the house you will still have to go back to work as a dental assistant to keep Sol in Brandeis - and that's assuming your father will take me back in the plumbing business - and we all move upstairs with my mother in Century Village."

Now just imagine slightly different versions of that scene - in ex wealthy - now impoverished - Jewish households all around the country - AND just imagine the volume and degree of Jewish wife anger - betrayal -cruelty and guilt venom - Being directed at all those Jewish husnand victims of Bernie Madoff - and - well:

You have the potential for the highest rated Reality TV Program since American Idol:

" Jewish Men in Hell!"

Bernard Madoff Should Become "Money Czar" Of USA

Ok -here's my next big idea for saving our Economy!

Establish a new cabinet position "Money Czar" - with the head of the Federal Reserve -The Secretary of Treasury and the SEC - reporting directly to him.

I say HIM because the only person qualified for this position - is Bernard Madoff!

Why - because when all of our greatest financial analysts are running around trying to figure out what the fuck what wrong - and how all these twenty first century supersonic stealth bomb credit schemes and instruments of financial obfuscation and wizardy were enabled and executed by shrewd gen exers on acid with advanced MBA's ??????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????

This Jewish Genius - Bernie Madoff - was fucking THEM out of their life savings!

I mean - is this not the dude we want to stop this tsunamie of economic devastation that is wiping out civilization as we knew it?

I mean - give him a pardon and ten percent of everything he saves and recovers - and give him TOTAL authority to lock up anyone that gets in his way and put them in Guantanamo (after Obama frees the terrorists) and tortue them until we get all OUR money back!

Ok -that's a tad severe - but c'mon - if Bernie can fuck people like Morton Zuckerman out of millions - and leave Mort looking like he got sodomized - and without a clue about how it happened?

This is the one guy who knows how they fucked us! - He knows ALL there tricks - and he LOVES to fuck his rich friends! -Do you realize what a sweet catch this guy is? - How unusual he is? I mean c'mon - do you think ole Ben Bernake and Paulson are ever gonna REALLY upset their network of rich and powerful buddies? -Their future benefactors?

Don't you believe it! - But this guy Madoff would fuck his mother out of her last nickel just for the pure fun of it . He's a viscious financial genius - he's the Hannibal Lechter of the financial world! - And he's real hungry!

I'm telling you that Bernie Madoff was sent down from heaven to put our economy back together - so send Obama an email today!

"Yo Obama - make Bernie Madoff our "Money Czar " - and remember:

When it comes to what and how and WHO
If there's money at stake - Find a Jew!

USA Should Sell " Instant Citizenship" Lottery Tickets - World Wide

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USA Should Sell Advertising On Warships

Here's a sure fire way for the government to raise a ton of moola!

In this age of globalized marketing -- international companies are dying to find ways to get their products and services advertised and promoted with credibility - around the world.

Well - when the USS Enterprise steams into Shanghai harbor (for example) - and this great and powerful symbol of American power and influence:

Has - "Have a Budweiser -The King of Beers" (just as an example) - Emblazoned across the ship's hull with the Bud logo all across the bow and stern and gun emplacements (and even on it's planes and flight deck:

Hell - do you know what's that worth in terms of ad dollars? - A fucking ton!

Now - multiply that by all the ships in all our fleets - in all those foreign ports - and your'e talking:

The end of our foreign trade deficit - and even the balancing of the budget!

More bail out moola - more credit - more jobs -- and:

Happy times are here again - and this is only the beginning of my plan to save America with creative marketing.

Stay tuned !

America Is In A Severe DEPRESSION

Oh - and this IS a DEPRESSION!

Hey - if todays average family had to live like an average family in 1929 -they would drink that killer cool aid which was so popular with that cult led by Jim -whats his name in -Guyana. (Jim Jones 1980 - boy that Google is amazing!)

I mean - it's not depressing to go broke if you were broke to begin with - but today's super consumers are in free fall fucking shock!

It's like one minute you are high and fucking a georgeous sexy tall blonde - and wham! - Suddenly you are in bed with that fat hobo grandmother from "The Grapes of Wrath" movie.

I mean = If John Steinbeck were alive today his book would be called - "Wer'e In Fucking Hell And Want Poisoned Cool Aid"

Maybe we should start migrating to Oklahama? - Talk about irony - The Oakies fled to California from Oklahoma during the Lesser Depression ( official new name) and now it is the most prosperous state in the country - along with North Dakota)

Hey - maybe God is trying to tell us something important (now that he's left the White House) - Maybe God IS a Redneck?

Anyway i don't know what the point is here (as usual)- but i just thought it was important to put things in an accurate historical perspective:

We ARE in a deep depression - And it IS deeply depressing!

God Say's He Is Thrilled To Leave The White House

God announced at a press conference today:

"I am so thrilled to be going back to my real job - bringing hope and comfort to superstitious morons - and far away from politics."

He went on; "When Billy Graham asked me to help out his alcoholic buddy George W Bush i never thought the American people would buy into his bullshit and install him and a whole bunch of religious freakos and rednecks into an American Vatican government -headed by Pope Bush."

"I mean every fucking job applicant had to have a Bible in his hand - and now you can all see how ideology trumped competence - across the entire political spectrum."

"It was fucking pathetic - i mean i'm pretty powerful but even i couldn't deal with assholes like Cheney and Rumsfeld and that midget Attorney General Gonzales - and all those anti science creationist wack jobs - and -Oh jeesus Christ am i glad to be outa there!"

God continued: "This guy Obama is one sharp cookie - and America will quickly re-emerge as the world's spiritual and economic and political leader in no time at all."

"God went on:"I figure with me out of the White House the average IQ of America's leaders will increase by fifty two percent - and that's enough to get the job done right!."

" You see -- In your world It's all about creative problem solving. - But my job is to lead the faithfully blind - i'm kinda like a big Golden Retriever in the sky."

"But you don't want me crapping all over the White House - see what a mess it made!"

Please Please Obama - Give Us Some Cheap Booze - To Tide Us Over

— The anniversary of the repeal of prohibition should perhaps be celebrated not with cocktails, but, following the example of H.L. Mencken, with a glass of some alcohol-free fluid, preferably someplace where you’d rather be drinking something stronger — to remind you of how pleasant, indeed life-enhancing alcohol can be, and to sympathize with the people who used to be dry and those who still are.


For hooch has the power to inspire, to console, to make celebrations brighter, and hard times more bearable. In the words of the Roman poet Horace, drink “unlocks secrets, bids hopes be fulfilled, thrusts the coward onto the battle-field, takes the load from anxious hearts. The flowing bowl — whom has it not made eloquent? Whom has it not made free even amidst pinching poverty?”



So - in these hard times that have fallen upon us - i say to Obama - give us a fast fix! -Something to tide us over until your programs take effect.



How about an elimination of the exhorbitant booze taxes - so we can afford to buy cheap whiskey during these terrible times?



If your wife needs a masechtomy but there's no insurance - and your school has eliminated the special autism classes for your kids - and they have come for your house and car - and you are jobless and begging for change down in front of the local Walmart - and your wife and teenage daughter are turning tricks for food - and you had to eat your dogs - and worst of all there is no TV because they turned off the Cable - and your Mom died and there's no burial money so she's in the garage on ice - and your son is locked up for mugging an old lady in the park ........



Well -what the hell -twist the neck off a bottle of cheap whiskey and down four fingers of it with a beer chaser - and the world will look just fine and okey dokey - tomorrow's another day - just keep a hangin in there until Obama sets thing right again!

Let's drink our way through these awful times -the Russians did it for fifty years.

U.S Should Sell It's Prison Inmates To Foreign Countries

California’s prisons are at nearly double capacity, and a three-judge panel could order the state to release tens of thousands of prisoners

The United States has, for instance, 2.3 million criminals behind bars, more than any other nation, according to data maintained by the International Center for Prison Studies at King’s College London.

Well --not only should the USA establish a "Criminal Military Corp" as recommended in my previous blogs - But - since we would have so many criminals left over ( who are unfit for combat) -- let's just sell them!:

Moishe Pipick, head of the US Bureau of Prisons said; "We outsource most manufacturing and a ton of business services -- and even personal secretaries and tax and legal work, and you name it to India and China -- Why not our huge and growing prison population?"

He continued; "It costs almost thirty thousand dollars a year to keep our criminals behind bars - hell -- China says they will take in the whole lot and pay us ten thousand a piece - and we figure some countries could come in for even more:"

He continued; "The African union is desperate for psychopaths to replace the dwindling number of young children in their armies. (who are dying off from starvation and aids)."

"We are talking about billions of dollars in savings to the US taxpayer here - and i'll betcha that the prospect of doing your time over in a third world country planting yams and getting cornholed regularly by some leper - will cut down on crime considerably."

He concluded; "And -the way those countries treat their prisoners I'll bet most of em won't be coming back home to restart their lives of crime."

Outsourcing is a beautiful thing! - And outsourcing and getting paid for it --is a no brainer!

Oprah For Secretary of Education

Yep - how about THAT for a choice ! - If anyone can provide the force and direction to revitalize refurbish and modernize our children's learning processes - it is Oprah!

She's smart and tough and compassionate - she is beloved - she has a national constituency - and she should continue to do her show and use it as a platform to leverage her education plans and priorities.

And what a unique way for the entertainment medium to project it's cultural influence and power - for the common good.

Normally i would recommend someone like Hillary Duff or Sarah Palin for the education post - just to make a stupid satirical observation:

But this is just to important -and too great an idea - OPRAH -for Secretary of Education!

But -if she passes - it's Palin for sure.

Obama Declares "FAT TAX" on Obese American's

America's first skinny president announced at a White House press conference today:

"In these tough times we can't have forty percent of the population flushing vital resources down the toilet! "

"It's a waste of much needed food and energy and toilet paper!"

"We could eliminate 78 million acres of deforestation - which will help fight global warming!"

"Every time a fat person takes an unecessary dump - it adds to to our
carbon related problems - eating too much and shitting too much is NOT green - it's brown!"

He continued: "And - fat folks do more drugs and drink more alcohol - and commit more crimes - and raise fat kids - and overwhelm the health care system with all kinds of obesity related diseases, both physical and mental in nature."

"I am asking Congress to increase taxes - incrementally by weight - on ALL obese Americans with a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 130 !"

"We will then give the additional tax income to non-fat - middle class homeowners." who are in trouble with their mortgages."

Candy Crowley of CNN news (who would certainly get a huge tax increase under his plan) asked Obama if his wife Michelle would be exempt from the "Fat Tax?"

Obama said that his wife was not FAT - but that she only had a large black ass - and that since that was a natural aesthetic attribute it would qualify as an exemption - along with large - but perfectly proportional tits." - as long as their BMI stayed within ten percent of the overall BMI."

Obama laughed and told Candy;" Unfortunately i don't think you will qualify as an exception with THAT barn door you are carrying around behind ya - heh! heh!" - (The press corps really cracked up at that point.)

"Oh - and dont think Bill Gates and our new Secretary of State are going to get any special consideration - it's either pay your taxes - or curb your shitting!"

"What a cool bumper sticker - and ad campaign" - concluded Obama.

U.S Military Will Recruit Dwarfs For Next Generation Army

Lieutenant General Moishe Pipick - head of the Strategic Re-Organization Initiative at the Pentagon - annoiunced today:

"Dwarfs are harder to target:

Bombs tend to send them flying rather than dismembering them:

The enemy is reluctant and hesitates to kill them (so cute looking):

They are highly motivated to prove their manhood:

And -- They cost much less to feed and clothe:"

General Pipick said the Dwarf battalions will be called "The Runty Raiders" -and next up in our reorganization planning - if the Dwarfs perform as we expect they will:

"An all Pygmy regiment"

Walmart Shoppers Stampede - Like Moslems in Mecca

Some shoppers who had seen the stampede said they were shocked. One of them, Kimberly Cribbs of Queens, said the crowd had acted like “savages.” Shoppers behaved badly even as the store was being cleared, she recalled.
“When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling, ‘I’ve been on line since yesterday morning,’ ” Ms. Cribbs told The Associated Press. “They kept shopping.”

Well - every year we read about Moslem worshippers stampeding each other to death as they go nuts to get into their Tooth Fairy Palace in Mecca - and finally we have our western version of that phenomena - as a man was crushed to death - today - by Walmart bargain shoppers.

"Oh - and this is only the beginning!" said Moishe Pipick, head of security for Walmart's world wide security organization.

He stated; "I just saw the videos of the rampage which took place at our Long Island store - and the only thing i could think of was those old scenes in the Cowboy movies where a wrangler gets ground up by a thundering herd of crazed stampeding steers."

"I am recommending that we install machine gun positions at all stores where we have Black Friday kind of discount events!"

He continued; "When you see folks who have been standing in line starting at three am for five or six hours - waiting to get their hands on a fifty -two inch Sony flat screen for four hundred bucks - and then the doors don't open on time - or something spooks the "herd" - trust me - nothing will stop them them but an armor piercing fifty caliber bullet."

" I mean- youv'e seen the pictures of those nut case Moslems on pilgrimage in Mecca? - well - this is much more intense - because to a credit strapped American consumer - a bargain is way more important than any religious crapola!"

"I mean - you could guarantee these folks that Jesus Christ would be at the local Walmart super store healing the lame and the sick and offering salvation - and they would tear apart a store offering huge discounts just down the street from him ."

Mr. Pipick concluded; "As the economy goes further and farther into the toilet - the situation is going to get really nasty - we feel that folks will soon be storming our wharehouses - and my security forces might have to use biological weapons against them."

Wow - what a great Reality Show - i'll have to call Fox!

Yo Barack! -- Watch "Iron Man" and Remember The Indians!

And don't forget the "Existential Thanksgiving Lesson:"

"When a group of folks shows up on YOUR territory carrying Bibles - and their guns are bigger and better than yours? - You are soooooo fucked!"

So - You and all the Obama's have a wonderful thanksgiving. - And then - so that we can ALL enjot future Thanksgivings here in America - please go up into your den - all alone - and watch .""Iron Man"

And then - get everybody together and tell them - "I want one of those!"

"As a matter of fact - i want the coolest and most destructive shit you all can come up with - i'm talking about techno killing shit that - that makes "Iron Man" look like a knife in a gun fight!"

"But why Obama?" - might says someone? "We got a dead economy out there to deal with!"

And you reply - Mr. Presidente - "Just think about Thanksgiving - And -- The Fucking Indians."

Happy Thangsgiving - 11- 27 -08

Fox TV Announces -- "'Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Fox TV president Sammy Schlocker announced today:"With the economy collapsing - we thought it would be fun to build a reality show around the Great Depression's most famous refrain "Brother Can You Spare A Dime" - which will have top executives from the financial sector - who have lost everything - compete against one another in a reality show where they use all their skills:

In peddling apples on street corners in the new York City financial district.Just like so many ex moguls resorted to after Wall Street collapsed in 1929.( at the beginning of the Great Depression) ---- these ex wealthy financial titans - will now apply all their skills to selling their apples to the folks they fucked!"

"Former Lehman brother executives - Merril Lynch managers - top dogs from Fannie and Freddie - and powerful Hedge Fund managers and brokers et. al. - will be given a fresh supply of apples each morning and we will tally up their sales every day.""It's a zero sum game!" said Moishe Pipick, ex CEO for "Pipick and Gevalt LLC" - one of wall Street's most powerful investment banks.

"Before the collapse, said Pipick - It was the code i lived by! - That was before i lost everything! -- My Gulf Stream jet - my home in Greenwich Connecticut - my yacht - my Rolls and my golden Retriever Freddie (which really hurt!)"

"Freddie went with my bitch of a wife Marr. (losing her makes the whole ordeal almost bearable)"

Moishe continued; "I would just like to thank Fox for giving us a shot at making a comeback - and i know i will move a lot of apples!"

Fox VP Programming and Executive producer for the program -- Mannie Mandelbaum stated: "Boy we really have to watch these folks - they are already being very creative and ruthless in their apple sales and marketing strategies - we have even caught them poisoning their competitors apples""

Well there's always a few rotton appels in every barrel!

Dick Cavett On Sarah Palin - Thank You

The Wild Wordsmith of Wasilla
Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn’t ailing. Three out of these five implements — answering machine, fax machine, printer, phone and electric can-opener — all dropped dead on me in the past few days.
Now something has gone wrong with all three television sets. They will get only Sarah Palin.
I can play a kind of Alaskan roulette. Any random channel clicked on by the remote brings up that eager face, with its continuing assaults on the English Lang.
There she is with Larry and Matt and just about everyone else but Dr. Phil (so far). If she is not yet on “Judge Judy,” I suspect it can’t be for lack of trying.
What have we done to deserve this, this media blitz that the astute Andrea Mitchell has labeled “The Victory Tour”?
I suppose it will be recorded as among political history’s ironies that Palin was brought in to help John McCain. I can’t blame feminists who might draw amusement from the fact that a woman managed to both cripple the male she was supposed to help while gleaning an almost Elvis-sized following for herself. Mac loses, Sarah wins big-time was the gist of headlines.
I feel a little sorry for John. He aimed low and missed.
What will ambitious politicos learn from this? That frayed syntax, bungled grammar and run-on sentences that ramble on long after thought has given out completely are a candidate’s valuable traits?
And how much more of all that lies in our future if God points her to those open-a-crack doors she refers to? The ones she resolves to splinter and bulldoze her way through upon glimpsing the opportunities, revealed from on high.
What on earth are our underpaid teachers, laboring in the vineyards of education, supposed to tell students about the following sentence, committed by the serial syntax-killer from Wasilla High and gleaned by my colleague Maureen Dowd for preservation for those who ask, “How was it she talked?”
My concern has been the atrocities there in Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as we spoke about Africa and some of the countries there that were kind of the people succumbing to the dictators and the corruption of some collapsed governments on the continent, the relevance was Alaska’s investment in Darfur with some of our permanent fund dollars.
And, she concluded, “never, ever did I talk about, well, gee, is it a country or a continent, I just don’t know about this issue.”
It’s admittedly a rare gift to produce a paragraph in which whole clumps of words could be removed without noticeably affecting the sense, if any.
(A cynic might wonder if Wasilla High School’s English and geography departments are draped in black.)
(How many contradictory and lying answers about The Empress’s New Clothes have you collected? I’ve got, so far, only four. Your additional ones welcome.)
Matt Lauer asked her about her daughter’s pregnancy and what went into the decision about how to handle it. Her “answer” did not contain the words “daughter,” “pregnancy,” “what to do about it” or, in fact, any two consecutive words related to Lauer’s query.
I saw this as a brief clip, so I don’t know whether Lauer recovered sufficiently to follow up, or could only sit there, covered in disbelief. If it happens again, Matt, I bequeath you what I heard myself say once to an elusive guest who stiffed me that way: “Were you able to hear any part of my question?”
At the risk of offending, well, you, for example, I worry about just what it is her hollering fans see in her that makes her the ideal choice to deal with the world’s problems: collapsed economies, global warming, hostile enemies and our current and far-flung twin battlefronts, either of which may prove to be the world’s second “30 Years’ War.”
Has there been a poll to see if the Sarah-ites are numbered among that baffling 26 percent of our population who, despite everything, still maintain that President George has done a heckuva job?
A woman in one of Palin’s crowds praised her for being “a mom like me … who thinks the way I do” and added, for ill measure, “That’s what I want in the White House.” Fine, but in what capacity?
Do this lady’s like-minded folk wonder how, say, Jefferson, Lincoln, the Roosevelts, et al (add your own favorites) managed so well without being soccer moms? Without being whizzes in the kitchen, whipping up moose soufflés? Without executing and wounding wolves from the air and without promoting that sad, threadbare hoax — sexual abstinence — as the answer to the sizzling loins of the young?
(In passing, has anyone observed that hunting animals with high-powered guns could only be defined as sport if both sides were equally armed?)
I’d love to hear what you think has caused such an alarming number of our fellow Americans to fall into the Sarah Swoon.
Could the willingness to crown one who seems to have no first language have anything to do with the oft-lamented fact that we seem to be alone among nations in having made the word “intellectual” an insult? (And yet…and yet…we did elect Obama. Surely not despite his brains.)
Sorry about all of the foregoing, as if you didn’t get enough of the lady every day in every medium but smoke signals.
I do not wish her ill. But I also don’t wish us ill. I hope she continues to find happiness in Alaska.
May I confess that upon first seeing her, I liked her looks? With the sound off, she presents a not uncomely frontal appearance.
But now, as the Brits say, “I’ll be glad to see the back of her.”

Obama Job Screening Process Leaves Out Three Important Questions

Just when Democrats thought it was time to triumphantly claim hard-won administration appointments, Team Obama has created a vetting process worthy of aspirants for political sainthood - But there ARE Three Questions that must be answered!

One - Do you enjoy killing animals in the name of sport? - An affirmative answer should eliminate all Hunters from the administration and would eliminate sixty percent of the angry assholes who normally creep into the system.


Two - When did you last have oral sex? -if the answer is less than three nights ago - drop the candidate like a hot potatoe! - This will eliminate seventy percent of the repressed and hostile religious freaks who permeate the bureacracy!

Three - Do you think you will meet a God when you die who looks like George Burns in "Oh My God" - and who has had something to do with your life? - If the answer is yes -then you have a delusional person on your hands who should be referred to the Vatican.

One - Two -Three And There Out!

Obama Approval Ratings Plunge In First Week

President Elect Obama has slipped from a ninety five percent approval rating among his supporters - to eight five percent:

And among non supporters it has gone from twelve percent to two percent.

Dr. Moishe Pipick - head of the Phew Research Center said: "It is extremely alarming that after only one week as President Elect - his approval ratings have plummeted!"

Elise Mandelbaum, digibandit research head , asked Dr. Pipick; "What is causing this srong and almost instantaneous negative reaction to Obama among the American people?"

Pipick responded:

"One - he has not solved the economic meltdown"

'Two - he has not brought home the troops"

"Three - he has not resolved health insurance"

Pipick concluded; - "But - the most important thing that is bugging most American's - is - that he has taken no action towards having Sarah Palin and her entire family murdered."

"Or exiled"

Sex - Drugs - And God Tax - Can Save The World

Legalize Drugs and prostitution and Tax the Catholic Church - To Save the World Economy

Dr.Moishe Pipick, head economist for the World Financial Institute - in Berne Switzerland - announced today at the G Twenty Conference in the United States:

"First - There are over a billion people with significant savings who would gladly start spending for legal drugs - and the tax revenue and economic stimulus from that consumer spending - would almost single -handily resolve the economic meltdown.

Second - Allowing these individuals to further spend their savings on legal (taxable) prostitutes - would add an additional jolt to the marketplace.

And - with over one billion people walking around high and sexually satisfied - optimism will blossom once again - and capital investment will be invigorated.

Third - Tax the Church! - This will generate trillions in new tax revenue from a sector of the world economy which produces nothing "

Dr. Pipick concluded; "Sex - Drugs - and a God tax! - it's really that simple!"