Or drink soda or beer - or any booze - or eat any desert - or watch or rent movies - or use disposable diapers - or buy toys - and NO unecessary travel - and absolutely no unprotected sex - no caffeine - no premium cable -no unecessary recreation - you want excercise go for a walk>
Hey - We solvent American's who saved for a rainy day do not want to pay for your Obama freeebies!
At least the wall street folks and bankers who fucked us get some business return on their business partying -but you greedy losers are still spending your way deeper into this shithole - on crap and crapola you don't absolutely need - believing us suckers will bail you out.
Well wer'e pissed - and we ants don't want to pay for your grasshopper lifestyles anymore.
Oh - and no more lottery cards - and coffee - and drugs - and even premium toilet paper - and text messeging fees - or high speed cable (go to the library) -And no more video games and itunes and...
Hey - your'e on the fucking dole - you don't get any more goodies you can't afford (or need)!
Just like the bankers and insurance and car companies and all those bums that are on the dole - your right in the shithole next to them!
Get a big shovel and start digging - the rest of us are tired of bailing you out!
And no more haircuts and beauty parlor bullshit - get a scissors!
Oh -and buy some candles!
Have a giant yard sale - sell all your unecessary crap and spend your Obamadollars frugally - only on the necessities - and
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Travis the Chimpanzee Was Horny and Was Murdered
Dr. Moishe Pipick -head of primate veterinary medicine at Cornell University's world renowned Ape Clinic said today:
"It's quite simple - Travis went Ape! - he was no different than a teenaged boy with his thumper ready to explode and being teased by some naughty cheerleader - EXCEPT:
"Chimps have four times the testosteronr level of a young man!"
Dr. Pipick was asked by Elise Mandelbaum - digibandit animal reporter;
"Well -Dr. Pipick - do you think that people should be allowed to own Cimpanzees? -Can it be done safely?"
Dr. Pipick replied: 'Yes! Definitely! -But -if the owner is a woman - she must be prepared to have sex with her Chimp."
"Oh - and by the way - Chimps make super sexual partners!"
He concluded; "In my professional opinion - Travis was murderd for no reason other than the ignorance of his owner -and the police."
"It's quite simple - Travis went Ape! - he was no different than a teenaged boy with his thumper ready to explode and being teased by some naughty cheerleader - EXCEPT:
"Chimps have four times the testosteronr level of a young man!"
Dr. Pipick was asked by Elise Mandelbaum - digibandit animal reporter;
"Well -Dr. Pipick - do you think that people should be allowed to own Cimpanzees? -Can it be done safely?"
Dr. Pipick replied: 'Yes! Definitely! -But -if the owner is a woman - she must be prepared to have sex with her Chimp."
"Oh - and by the way - Chimps make super sexual partners!"
He concluded; "In my professional opinion - Travis was murderd for no reason other than the ignorance of his owner -and the police."
Monday, February 23, 2009
Pro Baseball Should Allow " Fully Doped Players"On teams
AhA - another breakthrough/visionary solution to a thorny and contentious cultural issue of large magnitude! (from the digibandit)
Each major league baseball team would be allowed three players (an infielder - pitcher and outfielder) into the line-up - who are juiced up to the max on performance enhancing drugs .
I mean these guys will be like Drago in Rocky Four ( you know - the drugged up Russian fighter) - they will be as juiced up as modern medicine can juice them!
So - then - we will find out precisely how enhancing these drugs really are - and we will know exactly who is who for the sake of posteritry - And And And :
Baseball will become a lot more fun -with a whole new strategic dimension - and the kids will love it.
If it works - we can have a whole new division(s) of totally souped up - androidic players competing with semi and non androidic divisions - and:
Ultimately - a glorious total fusion between professional sports and human robots!
The ultimate video game - and you know it's gotta happen!
Iron Man beware! -Here comes Bond Man -and i don't mean James!
Baseball will get a whole new strategic dimension and
Each major league baseball team would be allowed three players (an infielder - pitcher and outfielder) into the line-up - who are juiced up to the max on performance enhancing drugs .
I mean these guys will be like Drago in Rocky Four ( you know - the drugged up Russian fighter) - they will be as juiced up as modern medicine can juice them!
So - then - we will find out precisely how enhancing these drugs really are - and we will know exactly who is who for the sake of posteritry - And And And :
Baseball will become a lot more fun -with a whole new strategic dimension - and the kids will love it.
If it works - we can have a whole new division(s) of totally souped up - androidic players competing with semi and non androidic divisions - and:
Ultimately - a glorious total fusion between professional sports and human robots!
The ultimate video game - and you know it's gotta happen!
Iron Man beware! -Here comes Bond Man -and i don't mean James!
Baseball will get a whole new strategic dimension and
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Homeless Get Screwed In Bailout Package
The homeless have tiny carbon imprints - they use minimal energy and are not generally obese.
They pay high taxes (seventy five percent of their income goes for highly taxed alcohol and cigarettes)
They don't get welfare or food stamps
They die young using minimal government funded health services
The homeless didn't purchase homes they couldn't afford
They don't have bad credit card debt - or default on car loans.
The homeless are being hit hard by the practices and habits of avaricious greedy financiers - and shopping mad consumers - and none of the economic collapse is their fault!
How about some bailout moola for these fine citizens?
And - fortunately - soon - there will be a lot more of these modern versions of the hunter gatherers.
They pay high taxes (seventy five percent of their income goes for highly taxed alcohol and cigarettes)
They don't get welfare or food stamps
They die young using minimal government funded health services
The homeless didn't purchase homes they couldn't afford
They don't have bad credit card debt - or default on car loans.
The homeless are being hit hard by the practices and habits of avaricious greedy financiers - and shopping mad consumers - and none of the economic collapse is their fault!
How about some bailout moola for these fine citizens?
And - fortunately - soon - there will be a lot more of these modern versions of the hunter gatherers.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Women Workers Have Ruined The Economy and The Culture
There was a time - not long ago:
When women ran the household and nurtured their children
When a man - with one job - supplied all the material needs of the family
When kids were watched over and played outside
When kids were not obese and drugged out
When parents were not obese and drugged out
When being in debt from buying unecessary crap was unecessary
When men felt like they had balls
when women felt like women
When kids felt like kids
When miserable men could afford to get divorced
Women should give their jobs to men - eventually ending the whole unemployment and reversing the cultural mess were in.
cc Lawrence Summers -head of Obama National Economic Council
When women ran the household and nurtured their children
When a man - with one job - supplied all the material needs of the family
When kids were watched over and played outside
When kids were not obese and drugged out
When parents were not obese and drugged out
When being in debt from buying unecessary crap was unecessary
When men felt like they had balls
when women felt like women
When kids felt like kids
When miserable men could afford to get divorced
Women should give their jobs to men - eventually ending the whole unemployment and reversing the cultural mess were in.
cc Lawrence Summers -head of Obama National Economic Council
Saturday, February 14, 2009
U.S Unemployed Hump Like Muslims and Africans
I always wondered why Arab and African countries had such huge birth rates.
I mean - terrible sanitary conditions - no air conditioning (in stifling heat and humidity) - tremendous rates of infection due to ignorance and lack of medical attention - no beds - no privacy :
Stinky and sweaty and weak from lack of nutrition - but these guys can't stop fucking the ugliest nastiest women on the planet?
Well now we have the answer! - Dr. Moishe Pipick, head of cultural anthropology at the United Nations Center For Reproductive Studies - announced today in Berne Switzerland:
"The historically low United States birth rate has soared during their economic collapse!"
He stated;"At their current rate of reproduction the United States is approaching third world levels -and this will seriously add to their societal challenges - specifically - increased carbon footprints and family trauma - along with child and spousal abuse - economic hardship and resource drainage."
Digibandit cultural analyst -Elise mandelbaum - asked Dr. Pipick, "To what do you attribute the high birth rate increases?"
He replied; "Just like in the Arab and African countries - a man with nothing better to do - will fuck a snake!"
I should have known it - just look around.
I mean - terrible sanitary conditions - no air conditioning (in stifling heat and humidity) - tremendous rates of infection due to ignorance and lack of medical attention - no beds - no privacy :
Stinky and sweaty and weak from lack of nutrition - but these guys can't stop fucking the ugliest nastiest women on the planet?
Well now we have the answer! - Dr. Moishe Pipick, head of cultural anthropology at the United Nations Center For Reproductive Studies - announced today in Berne Switzerland:
"The historically low United States birth rate has soared during their economic collapse!"
He stated;"At their current rate of reproduction the United States is approaching third world levels -and this will seriously add to their societal challenges - specifically - increased carbon footprints and family trauma - along with child and spousal abuse - economic hardship and resource drainage."
Digibandit cultural analyst -Elise mandelbaum - asked Dr. Pipick, "To what do you attribute the high birth rate increases?"
He replied; "Just like in the Arab and African countries - a man with nothing better to do - will fuck a snake!"
I should have known it - just look around.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Ariel Sharon Had Erection All During Gaza Strike
Dr.Moishe Pipick the attending physician to former Israeli Prime Minister and highly decorated general - Ariel Sharon - made a startling announcement today from the revered warriors bedside , who has been in a coma for nine months now:
" I was checking on his vital signs two weeks ago - and just as the news of our blitz on Hamas came over the airwaves - He got a huge hard - on!"
"The Doctor continued; "He was smiling - and as each new wave of our attack was announced - his erection grew bigger and harder!"
"We had to pack his huge member in ice for fear that it might explode - and finally when the truce was announced - his penis returned to normal."
Dr. Pipick concluded; "He was israeli's greatest warrior - and even in his coma - he is fighting alonside our brave men and women."
"Oh and lately i have noticed his cock is stirring a bit - so Hamas better be careful!"
Can you imagine when the Israeli's finally take out the Iranian plutonium enrichment sites?
Sharon's putz will go nuclear!
" I was checking on his vital signs two weeks ago - and just as the news of our blitz on Hamas came over the airwaves - He got a huge hard - on!"
"The Doctor continued; "He was smiling - and as each new wave of our attack was announced - his erection grew bigger and harder!"
"We had to pack his huge member in ice for fear that it might explode - and finally when the truce was announced - his penis returned to normal."
Dr. Pipick concluded; "He was israeli's greatest warrior - and even in his coma - he is fighting alonside our brave men and women."
"Oh and lately i have noticed his cock is stirring a bit - so Hamas better be careful!"
Can you imagine when the Israeli's finally take out the Iranian plutonium enrichment sites?
Sharon's putz will go nuclear!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
G.W Bush America's Greatest President -Including Lincoln
The only free election Iraqi's had under Sadam was which one of their children to send to the palace for a rape fest presided over by his two psycho sons.
It's been messy as hell - but when the smoke clears we will have a Democratic Arab country (formerly an oxymoron) and an ally instead of a fascist and rabid dystopian bunch of mad dogs with a huge army - contantly threatening their neighbors and terrorizing it's population.
Oh - and all this post economic collapse moola that will be flowing into programs and the pockets of needy Americans? - It's forthcoming only because the Bushies fucked up the economy so bad.
Doubling the education budget - medicaid - unemployment - pell grants - stem cell research - condoms for all - tax cuts - infrastructure - new pro union and civil rights legislation -infrastructure spending- the list of lower and middle class goodies is huge! (and needed for sure)
But - none of that money and none of those new social programs would have been passed in a fifty years - without the mess that GW made of the country and the Republican Party.
And - many folks think he did it on purpose because he promised Billy Graham (and Laura) that he would he would do something "Christian" for Humanity (to make up for his early "happy" years")
Now Lincoln and Washington and Teddy and Franklin ..... -- They were great Presidents too!
But - they just don't come close to the amazing achievements of good old G.W Bush!
It's been messy as hell - but when the smoke clears we will have a Democratic Arab country (formerly an oxymoron) and an ally instead of a fascist and rabid dystopian bunch of mad dogs with a huge army - contantly threatening their neighbors and terrorizing it's population.
Oh - and all this post economic collapse moola that will be flowing into programs and the pockets of needy Americans? - It's forthcoming only because the Bushies fucked up the economy so bad.
Doubling the education budget - medicaid - unemployment - pell grants - stem cell research - condoms for all - tax cuts - infrastructure - new pro union and civil rights legislation -infrastructure spending- the list of lower and middle class goodies is huge! (and needed for sure)
But - none of that money and none of those new social programs would have been passed in a fifty years - without the mess that GW made of the country and the Republican Party.
And - many folks think he did it on purpose because he promised Billy Graham (and Laura) that he would he would do something "Christian" for Humanity (to make up for his early "happy" years")
Now Lincoln and Washington and Teddy and Franklin ..... -- They were great Presidents too!
But - they just don't come close to the amazing achievements of good old G.W Bush!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Escort Services Thrive During Collapse of Economy
Figures released today by the world wide prostitution tracking agency - 'Global Hooker Data Inc.'- show that Escort Services - and even low level street prostitution is thriving - during this global financial collapse.
Meyer Pinsky - a jeweler from Bensonhurst in brooklyn N.Y seemed to sum up the situation:
"Hey look - it's like this - i can't afford to take my Ruthy and the kids out on the town anymore! - i mean the only folks buying jewelry these days are the pimps - and that makes sense - because - well take me for example,
For a hundred bucks i get my clock cleaned by a sexy young professional - and i feel like a new man. It costs twice as much to take out the familyAnd - it's a real strain with the money being tight and all - and i don't even get a decent blow job from my Ruthy."
Another interesting trend that the research showed - was that a significant number of men and women are starting to turn tricks as an income generating alternative to the weak job market.
Listen up Obama! - maybe it's time to provide vocational training money and tax credits in the stimulus package for future hookers?
Meyer Pinsky - a jeweler from Bensonhurst in brooklyn N.Y seemed to sum up the situation:
"Hey look - it's like this - i can't afford to take my Ruthy and the kids out on the town anymore! - i mean the only folks buying jewelry these days are the pimps - and that makes sense - because - well take me for example,
For a hundred bucks i get my clock cleaned by a sexy young professional - and i feel like a new man. It costs twice as much to take out the familyAnd - it's a real strain with the money being tight and all - and i don't even get a decent blow job from my Ruthy."
Another interesting trend that the research showed - was that a significant number of men and women are starting to turn tricks as an income generating alternative to the weak job market.
Listen up Obama! - maybe it's time to provide vocational training money and tax credits in the stimulus package for future hookers?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Taliban's Broadcasts Get Higher Ratings Than Howard Stern
PESHAWAR, Pakistan — Every night around 8 o’clock, the terrified residents of Swat, a lush and picturesque valley a hundred miles from three of Pakistan’s most important cities, crowd around their radios. They know that failure to listen and learn might lead to a lashing — or a beheading.
.
Using a portable radio transmitter, a local Taliban leader, Shah Doran, on most nights outlines newly proscribed “un-Islamic” activities in Swat, like selling DVDs, watching cable television, singing and dancing, criticizing the Taliban, shaving beards and allowing girls to attend school. He also reveals names of people the Taliban have recently killed for violating their decrees — and those they plan to kill.
I just hope there aren't any Aliens listening to these broadcasts or the Earth is toast!
And who would blame them? - Most of the so called civilized countries of the world (like Germany and France) -won't even send combat troops to help eradicate these fuckers.
Can you imagine the pain these local villagers are enduring 24/7?
.
Using a portable radio transmitter, a local Taliban leader, Shah Doran, on most nights outlines newly proscribed “un-Islamic” activities in Swat, like selling DVDs, watching cable television, singing and dancing, criticizing the Taliban, shaving beards and allowing girls to attend school. He also reveals names of people the Taliban have recently killed for violating their decrees — and those they plan to kill.
I just hope there aren't any Aliens listening to these broadcasts or the Earth is toast!
And who would blame them? - Most of the so called civilized countries of the world (like Germany and France) -won't even send combat troops to help eradicate these fuckers.
Can you imagine the pain these local villagers are enduring 24/7?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Obama Proposes "Fat Tax" To Reduce Carbon Emissions
Obama said today – at a press conference - “Ok you tubby citizens – and that includes my dear porky pal Oprah and my big butted wife (heh heh) – Cut down on the rice – or pay the price”
“Put down the fork or pay for your pork!”
He continued saying I am very serious about this issue because:
“You can toss your empty soda cans in the recycle bin instead of the garbage, saving energy and reducing landfill. Or you can wear hemp clothes and drive a hybrid car plastered with bumper stickers requesting the salvation of everything from owls to dust mites.
There are lots of little ways to go green, but if you really want to help save the Earth, you can start by dropping a few pounds.
There's an old joke about a mother telling her son to finish the food on his plate because there are starving children in Africa. The smart-aleck's response is, "Got a stamp?"
What's not a joke is that there is a finite amount of food in the world, and it is growing scarce. Recent food riots Haiti, Sudan, Yemen, Mexico, Egypt, and other countries are a stark reminder that many people do not have enough to eat. The cost of staple foods such as corn, rice, and wheat are at record highs across the globe, and some can't afford to feed their families.
Meanwhile in the United States, obesity is at an all-time high; two-thirds of adults in the Land of Plenty are overweight or obese. Obesity is perhaps the ultimate symbol of resource consumption; it's visible proof that overweight people already has more than they need—and take more anyway.
The causes of food shortages are varied and complex, but if Americans simply ate less food, there would be more for the rest of world. By some estimates, the average American consumes about 4,000 calories per day; that's twice what they need. Those 2,000 fewer calories would be available for those who truly need the food, and help to conserve Earth's natural resources.
Overweight people create more air pollution than thin people do. It's simple physics: Extra pounds translate into extra fuel in automobiles and airplanes. Extra fuel means increased energy usage, oil drilling, and air pollution.
A 2004 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that for every ten pounds gained by the average American, airlines burned 350 million more gallons of fuel to carry the additional weight. That fuel spewed an estimated 3.8 million extra tons of carbon dioxide into the air.
And as for that smaller hybrid car? It's a good start, but there's not much point in buying fuel-efficient vehicles if you're going to fill that large seat with your extra-large butt; you might as well throw a few sandbags in the trunk. Fuel efficiency drops dramatically with more weight the engine has to pull; the lighter you are, the less gas you burn, the more money you save, and the less pollution you emit.
Of course, going green by going lean is easier said than done, and only part of the problem. But by getting ourselves healthier we also help save the planet. Not a bad deal.”
"God Bless all your fat asses.”
“Put down the fork or pay for your pork!”
He continued saying I am very serious about this issue because:
“You can toss your empty soda cans in the recycle bin instead of the garbage, saving energy and reducing landfill. Or you can wear hemp clothes and drive a hybrid car plastered with bumper stickers requesting the salvation of everything from owls to dust mites.
There are lots of little ways to go green, but if you really want to help save the Earth, you can start by dropping a few pounds.
There's an old joke about a mother telling her son to finish the food on his plate because there are starving children in Africa. The smart-aleck's response is, "Got a stamp?"
What's not a joke is that there is a finite amount of food in the world, and it is growing scarce. Recent food riots Haiti, Sudan, Yemen, Mexico, Egypt, and other countries are a stark reminder that many people do not have enough to eat. The cost of staple foods such as corn, rice, and wheat are at record highs across the globe, and some can't afford to feed their families.
Meanwhile in the United States, obesity is at an all-time high; two-thirds of adults in the Land of Plenty are overweight or obese. Obesity is perhaps the ultimate symbol of resource consumption; it's visible proof that overweight people already has more than they need—and take more anyway.
The causes of food shortages are varied and complex, but if Americans simply ate less food, there would be more for the rest of world. By some estimates, the average American consumes about 4,000 calories per day; that's twice what they need. Those 2,000 fewer calories would be available for those who truly need the food, and help to conserve Earth's natural resources.
Overweight people create more air pollution than thin people do. It's simple physics: Extra pounds translate into extra fuel in automobiles and airplanes. Extra fuel means increased energy usage, oil drilling, and air pollution.
A 2004 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that for every ten pounds gained by the average American, airlines burned 350 million more gallons of fuel to carry the additional weight. That fuel spewed an estimated 3.8 million extra tons of carbon dioxide into the air.
And as for that smaller hybrid car? It's a good start, but there's not much point in buying fuel-efficient vehicles if you're going to fill that large seat with your extra-large butt; you might as well throw a few sandbags in the trunk. Fuel efficiency drops dramatically with more weight the engine has to pull; the lighter you are, the less gas you burn, the more money you save, and the less pollution you emit.
Of course, going green by going lean is easier said than done, and only part of the problem. But by getting ourselves healthier we also help save the planet. Not a bad deal.”
"God Bless all your fat asses.”
People In Texas Have Smaller Brains - Study Proves
The chairman of the Texas school board, Dr. Don McLeroy, a dentist, pushed in 2003 for a more skeptical version of evolution to be presented in the state’s textbooks, but could not get a majority to vote with him. Dr. McLeroy has said he does not believe in Darwin’s theory and thinks that Earth’s appearance is a recent geologic event, thousands of years old, not 4.5 billion as scientists contend.
"Texan's voted for this jerk to run their schools! -They have the highest number of execution convictions overturned by the Supreme Court - The highest number of executions - the most guns per capita - the most animal killers (hunters) - the most smokers and obesity cases per capita -the most cases of domestic violence and rape and forced sodomy in the nation - the highest rate of alcoholism and drug addiction - the most "in-closet" numbers of homosexuals - the highest number of felons per capita and cases of hate crimes - they lead the world in arson and murder and felony assaults per capita - and they have the most Christian Fundamendalists and churchgoers of any other state. - and more prescriptions for mental illness problems are prescribed than anywhere on earth - and they have the lowest reading and math scores in America - and they have the lowest number of Jews per capita."
So said Dr. Moishe pipick of the World Research Foundation who concluded:
'There is obviously something in the Texan culture that inhibits normal brain functioning. -- Genetically speaking - these folks are not all there!"
"Texan's voted for this jerk to run their schools! -They have the highest number of execution convictions overturned by the Supreme Court - The highest number of executions - the most guns per capita - the most animal killers (hunters) - the most smokers and obesity cases per capita -the most cases of domestic violence and rape and forced sodomy in the nation - the highest rate of alcoholism and drug addiction - the most "in-closet" numbers of homosexuals - the highest number of felons per capita and cases of hate crimes - they lead the world in arson and murder and felony assaults per capita - and they have the most Christian Fundamendalists and churchgoers of any other state. - and more prescriptions for mental illness problems are prescribed than anywhere on earth - and they have the lowest reading and math scores in America - and they have the lowest number of Jews per capita."
So said Dr. Moishe pipick of the World Research Foundation who concluded:
'There is obviously something in the Texan culture that inhibits normal brain functioning. -- Genetically speaking - these folks are not all there!"
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Obama's Ratings Plunge After Crybaby Speech
Trying to emulate Winston Churchill with a speech that asked us all to man the barricades against the doom and utter gloom and forces of destruction at our doorsteps landed on mostly deaf ears because while a ton of people are in a financial shithole:
We are not in the midst of a blitkreig or even a plain old blitz - running for cover as the bombs annihilate our neighbors and neighborhood.
That will probably come later but for now "Hey my fellow Americans - i know many of you are having severe money problems - but it's only money - i mean it's not like bad x rays - wer'e gonna fix this - so buck up and cut down as best you can - and eat a lot of governmentcheese ."
Would have sufficed! - I mean the average American listening to Obama's histrionics yesterday would have been more uplifted by reading Cormac McCarthy's latest novel - or watching "Mad Max Superdome"
Anyway - his numbers dropped from a positive 72 percent down to a 61 - and at that rate folks will be crying for the calm strength and ballsy leadership of Bush/Cheney before the years out.
I mean - it's only money - what a pussy - keep your powder dry Obama!
Your'e gonna need it!
When the shit really hits the fan!
We are not in the midst of a blitkreig or even a plain old blitz - running for cover as the bombs annihilate our neighbors and neighborhood.
That will probably come later but for now "Hey my fellow Americans - i know many of you are having severe money problems - but it's only money - i mean it's not like bad x rays - wer'e gonna fix this - so buck up and cut down as best you can - and eat a lot of governmentcheese ."
Would have sufficed! - I mean the average American listening to Obama's histrionics yesterday would have been more uplifted by reading Cormac McCarthy's latest novel - or watching "Mad Max Superdome"
Anyway - his numbers dropped from a positive 72 percent down to a 61 - and at that rate folks will be crying for the calm strength and ballsy leadership of Bush/Cheney before the years out.
I mean - it's only money - what a pussy - keep your powder dry Obama!
Your'e gonna need it!
When the shit really hits the fan!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Gazan's Celebrate Huge Victory - Congratulations You Morons
Israel and Hamas both ceased fire on Sunday, after an offensive that claimed the lives of some 1,300 Palestinians, according to Gaza health officials, and 13 Israelis. The last of Israel's ground troops were expected to pull out of Gaza on Tuesday if the quiet holds, defense officials said.
The first estimates by independent surveyors said Gaza lost nearly $2 billion in assets, including 4,100 homes, about 1,500 factories and workshops, 20 mosques, 31 security compounds, and 10 water or sewage lines. Shattered glass and mounds of rubble littered city streets.
"With full trust and full confidence I say the Palestinian people and the heroic resistance have won this battle," Mushir al-Masri, a Hamas official, said Monday. "Hamas today is stronger than any time before. ... The loser is the occupation."
But the owner of a coffee stand located near the Gaza City rally criticized the festivities, given the steep Palestinian death toll.
"We can't talk about real victory because there were thousands of martyrs and we didn't liberate anything," said Jawdat Abu Nahel. "It's no time for a parade."
Hey asshole! -You voted for them - and just wait till their next big victory?
The first estimates by independent surveyors said Gaza lost nearly $2 billion in assets, including 4,100 homes, about 1,500 factories and workshops, 20 mosques, 31 security compounds, and 10 water or sewage lines. Shattered glass and mounds of rubble littered city streets.
"With full trust and full confidence I say the Palestinian people and the heroic resistance have won this battle," Mushir al-Masri, a Hamas official, said Monday. "Hamas today is stronger than any time before. ... The loser is the occupation."
But the owner of a coffee stand located near the Gaza City rally criticized the festivities, given the steep Palestinian death toll.
"We can't talk about real victory because there were thousands of martyrs and we didn't liberate anything," said Jawdat Abu Nahel. "It's no time for a parade."
Hey asshole! -You voted for them - and just wait till their next big victory?
Friday, January 16, 2009
US State Department Women Barred From Sex With Bill Clinton
Secretary of State hillary Clinton is requiring that all State Department female employees -under the age of thirty nine sign an agrrement that they will "Not have sex with Bill Clinton."
Secretary Clinton announced;" You know my Bill - he would fuck a snake - and there are a lot of great looking potential "Monica's" running around over here."
"I'm just not taking ANY chances. -Bill seems to have gotten a grip on his libido - but i'm just taking out some insurance - we don't want to find him fucking some wide eyed State Department intern on my watch."
She concluded; "Oh - and i have made it crystal clear to all the young hotties around here -that blow and hand jobs qualify as "Sex"
"Oh and if i catch him fucking some foreign head of state - his balls are history!"
Secretary Clinton announced;" You know my Bill - he would fuck a snake - and there are a lot of great looking potential "Monica's" running around over here."
"I'm just not taking ANY chances. -Bill seems to have gotten a grip on his libido - but i'm just taking out some insurance - we don't want to find him fucking some wide eyed State Department intern on my watch."
She concluded; "Oh - and i have made it crystal clear to all the young hotties around here -that blow and hand jobs qualify as "Sex"
"Oh and if i catch him fucking some foreign head of state - his balls are history!"
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Fox Tv Announces"'Dinner With The Madoff's"
Bernie Madoff turns chef in Fox TV's new cooking show -in which Bernie Madoff will prepare dinner for a group of his investors who he defrauded out of millions.
Fov TV President Meyer Schlocky said today: 'Bernie is an excellent cook and he and his wife are known for giving elegant dinner parties at their Manhattan penthouse (where Bernie is confined on bail) - and they will really roll out the red carpet for some of those investors who got screwed big time in his 70 billion dollar ponzi fraud."
Schlocker went on; " There will be lot's of celebrity guests and some really cool entertainment - and we expect everyone to have a real great evening - and the audience will get to know Bernie as more than just a crook - because he really is a nice guy and feels really bad about what happened."
"Oh" - said Schlocker; "And we will also invite some of his many fans from all over the globe - you know - thousands of decent folks made a ton of money with Bernie over the years - and if it wasn't for the housing collapse he could have gone on making people rich and richer for who knows how long?"
"And - all the profits he earns from the show will go to the families of people he screwed."
Fov TV President Meyer Schlocky said today: 'Bernie is an excellent cook and he and his wife are known for giving elegant dinner parties at their Manhattan penthouse (where Bernie is confined on bail) - and they will really roll out the red carpet for some of those investors who got screwed big time in his 70 billion dollar ponzi fraud."
Schlocker went on; " There will be lot's of celebrity guests and some really cool entertainment - and we expect everyone to have a real great evening - and the audience will get to know Bernie as more than just a crook - because he really is a nice guy and feels really bad about what happened."
"Oh" - said Schlocker; "And we will also invite some of his many fans from all over the globe - you know - thousands of decent folks made a ton of money with Bernie over the years - and if it wasn't for the housing collapse he could have gone on making people rich and richer for who knows how long?"
"And - all the profits he earns from the show will go to the families of people he screwed."
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Israel Dropping Corned beef and Pastrami Sandwiches Over Gaza
Israel has begun what they are calling "Operation Heartburn."
They are dropping tens of thousands of vacum sealed -fresh and hot - packages containing delicious kosher cornbeef and pastrami sandwiches on rye bread with mustard - to the hungry citizens of the gaza strip. (with kosher pickles)
When Homer Bigler head of The Red Cross in the area praised the Israelis for their largesse - he was told by an israeli Government spokesman for the operation:
"Hey look - these people are starving - and when they gobble up those delicious fatty sandwiches on empty stomachs they are all going to get a severe case of the shits and severe stomach cramps - and they will be extremely thirsty -and they have very little water."
"And - it's very hard to fire a rocket when you are shitting your brains out and are severely dehydrated - so this is not exactly a humanitarian effort on our part." - said the spokesman.
"But - those sandwiches will taste awfully good going down!"
"And -they are nutritious!"
"Want to try one."
They are dropping tens of thousands of vacum sealed -fresh and hot - packages containing delicious kosher cornbeef and pastrami sandwiches on rye bread with mustard - to the hungry citizens of the gaza strip. (with kosher pickles)
When Homer Bigler head of The Red Cross in the area praised the Israelis for their largesse - he was told by an israeli Government spokesman for the operation:
"Hey look - these people are starving - and when they gobble up those delicious fatty sandwiches on empty stomachs they are all going to get a severe case of the shits and severe stomach cramps - and they will be extremely thirsty -and they have very little water."
"And - it's very hard to fire a rocket when you are shitting your brains out and are severely dehydrated - so this is not exactly a humanitarian effort on our part." - said the spokesman.
"But - those sandwiches will taste awfully good going down!"
"And -they are nutritious!"
"Want to try one."
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Israeli Nuclear Sub Captain Speaks Out
Captain Moishe Pipick of the Nuclear Submarine -"The Big Latke" told one of his buddies who commands an American Sub today:
"You know what's really gonna piss me off about taking out most of the Arab countries if they strike us on a large scale?"
"What, Moishe" said the American Nuke commander.
"All these fucking fanaticks are gonna smile just as their turning into flaming smores."
He went on; "And fifty sixty million innocent people are going to join them because the civilized world just didn' get it! - I mean the Russians tried to put nukes ninety miles off your coast and Kennedy was ready to light up the world over that - but here we are surrounded by nut cases who can't wait to annihilate us - and their working on it 24/7 -and when we go about having to keep them under control - to stop them from building their arsenals right next door to us - they scream that wer'e fucking murderers!."
"Captain Pipick continued: "I mean they don't need nukes - just some longer range missiles and poof - goodbye Israel as we know it."
"If the major powers don't get together and collectively put a net over these animals it's definitely going to happen! - we will have to destroy them first!" said Pipick.
"Can you imagine if THEY had or if they acquire anything near our military capabilities what they would do? - These fucks don't live in or care about THIS world - it holds nothing for them."
The American captain said; "Yep Moishe - there's lot's of fine folks over there but the Mullahs have got them by the balls - oh and can you imagine what China or Russia would do if they were in your shoes?"
"Yeah" replied Captain Pipick -"jJust look at Chechnya for example - the Russkies turned those Muslims into slaves - they practically wiped em out and these fucking Arabs didn't say boo! - or any body else for that matter."
"And" said the American -"They killed millions of Muslims in Darfur -and not a peep from the Arabs - and we saved their Muslim asses in Bosnia and Croatia - and not a word of thanks."
Pipick concluded: "Yeah -it's all about the Jews and ALL the Infidels -it's a fucking shame! - It's gonna be the biggest fucking mess in all of history when i push those buttons."
"You know what's really gonna piss me off about taking out most of the Arab countries if they strike us on a large scale?"
"What, Moishe" said the American Nuke commander.
"All these fucking fanaticks are gonna smile just as their turning into flaming smores."
He went on; "And fifty sixty million innocent people are going to join them because the civilized world just didn' get it! - I mean the Russians tried to put nukes ninety miles off your coast and Kennedy was ready to light up the world over that - but here we are surrounded by nut cases who can't wait to annihilate us - and their working on it 24/7 -and when we go about having to keep them under control - to stop them from building their arsenals right next door to us - they scream that wer'e fucking murderers!."
"Captain Pipick continued: "I mean they don't need nukes - just some longer range missiles and poof - goodbye Israel as we know it."
"If the major powers don't get together and collectively put a net over these animals it's definitely going to happen! - we will have to destroy them first!" said Pipick.
"Can you imagine if THEY had or if they acquire anything near our military capabilities what they would do? - These fucks don't live in or care about THIS world - it holds nothing for them."
The American captain said; "Yep Moishe - there's lot's of fine folks over there but the Mullahs have got them by the balls - oh and can you imagine what China or Russia would do if they were in your shoes?"
"Yeah" replied Captain Pipick -"jJust look at Chechnya for example - the Russkies turned those Muslims into slaves - they practically wiped em out and these fucking Arabs didn't say boo! - or any body else for that matter."
"And" said the American -"They killed millions of Muslims in Darfur -and not a peep from the Arabs - and we saved their Muslim asses in Bosnia and Croatia - and not a word of thanks."
Pipick concluded: "Yeah -it's all about the Jews and ALL the Infidels -it's a fucking shame! - It's gonna be the biggest fucking mess in all of history when i push those buttons."
Humans VS. Rabid Chimpanzees - You Choose!
“Muslim brothers,” said the government-appointed preacher, Sheik Eid Abdel Hamid Youssef, “God has inflicted the Muslim nation with a people whom God has become angry at and whom he cursed so he made monkeys and pigs out of them. They killed prophets and messengers and sowed corruption on Earth. They are the most evil on Earth.”
And these crazy morons have felt this way about the Jews long before Israel existed!
It isn't about Palestine or Palestinians!
They hate the Jews -they hate themselves -they hate progress -they hate women -they hate Democracy - they hate art and literature and music!
They are a land full of miserable fucks - where the best jobs are killing each other in the name of Allah - where a violent death leads to the promise of an eternity fucking Virgins in Paradise.
Just Imagine the Israelis living next door to these Neanderthals knowing that the first time they gain the military means to wipe them off the face of the Earth - they will attempt it!
And - then - an Israeli nuclear submarine in the Mediterranean will turn Gaza and the West Bank and Syria and Iran and Jordan and maybe the whole fucking Middle East into Chernoble!
So - we all better pray that they are successful in keeping their ongoing existential threats at a reasonable distance until the Arabs get their shit together - or it's the big KABOOM!
Because the Israelis won't go down easy!
Hamas is commited to the destruction of Israel! -They are totally supported by Iran and Syria -The Israelis cannot stand by and let them grow stronger and stronger.
These Chimpanzees are their next door neighbors - this is not about Israelis wantonly killing civilians - the Israelis revere life - not death.
This is about a tiny democratic country living among the most crazy and violent people on Earth - fighting for it's life!
Look at a map you fucking morons out there demonstrating!
And these crazy morons have felt this way about the Jews long before Israel existed!
It isn't about Palestine or Palestinians!
They hate the Jews -they hate themselves -they hate progress -they hate women -they hate Democracy - they hate art and literature and music!
They are a land full of miserable fucks - where the best jobs are killing each other in the name of Allah - where a violent death leads to the promise of an eternity fucking Virgins in Paradise.
Just Imagine the Israelis living next door to these Neanderthals knowing that the first time they gain the military means to wipe them off the face of the Earth - they will attempt it!
And - then - an Israeli nuclear submarine in the Mediterranean will turn Gaza and the West Bank and Syria and Iran and Jordan and maybe the whole fucking Middle East into Chernoble!
So - we all better pray that they are successful in keeping their ongoing existential threats at a reasonable distance until the Arabs get their shit together - or it's the big KABOOM!
Because the Israelis won't go down easy!
Hamas is commited to the destruction of Israel! -They are totally supported by Iran and Syria -The Israelis cannot stand by and let them grow stronger and stronger.
These Chimpanzees are their next door neighbors - this is not about Israelis wantonly killing civilians - the Israelis revere life - not death.
This is about a tiny democratic country living among the most crazy and violent people on Earth - fighting for it's life!
Look at a map you fucking morons out there demonstrating!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Darfur - Congo - Zimbabwe - Myannamar - Somalia
Gaza is like a fucking day care center in Beverly Hills next to the other raging human slaughterhouses around the globe!
Where is all the outrage - peace initiatives - front page top of the news moaning and handwringing over the ongoing death and destruction - torture maiming and wanton slaying and mutilating of MILLIONS of women and children?
It's unabated ongoing slaughter - Millions of innocent people have been undergoing holocaust like conditions for years - and where is there any collective sense of urgency to intercede on the scale of the international histrionics swirling around Gaza?
It's a fucking disgrace! - What is it about Jews legitimately defending their tiny patch of this earth - surrounded by lunatics who have screamed for their destruction even when they were nothing but a group of struggling farmers on crappy land, which they bought from the Ottomans - and turned into a decent society in the face of ongoing existential attacks from the whole fucking Arab world;
That evokes such a disproportionate response - compared to the tyrannical mayhem that goes unchecked around the Globe?
Where is all the outrage - peace initiatives - front page top of the news moaning and handwringing over the ongoing death and destruction - torture maiming and wanton slaying and mutilating of MILLIONS of women and children?
It's unabated ongoing slaughter - Millions of innocent people have been undergoing holocaust like conditions for years - and where is there any collective sense of urgency to intercede on the scale of the international histrionics swirling around Gaza?
It's a fucking disgrace! - What is it about Jews legitimately defending their tiny patch of this earth - surrounded by lunatics who have screamed for their destruction even when they were nothing but a group of struggling farmers on crappy land, which they bought from the Ottomans - and turned into a decent society in the face of ongoing existential attacks from the whole fucking Arab world;
That evokes such a disproportionate response - compared to the tyrannical mayhem that goes unchecked around the Globe?
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