When Marine Staff Seargent Lon McCracken returns to the barracks after surviving another deadly day on tour in Afghanistan:
He puts down his gear and staggers into the shower - exhausted and edgy and sore as hell from chasing Talibani fighters up big mountains all day in the heat:
And as he turns on the water he hears from the next shower stall:
"Oh Manny - oh Manny - ooh - ahhh - i love it! -OOH i love it - but please Ernie -for gods sake - use some more soap - your dick is practically in my colon -- ooh -- ooh:
At this point seargent Mc Cracken has grabbed his bayonet and in about three seconds Manny and Ernie are going to get some radical surgery.
I mean - the two fags are just doing what comes naturally -and personally i don't care if a guy gets a blow job while shooting his machine gun at the enemy (as long as it doesn't affect his aim):
But - a lot of those southern crackers who make up about ninety five percent of the military are going to be a bit annoyed at seeing their comrades getting butt fucked and sucked off all over the battlefield and baracks.
Oh - and god forbid if the homos start ass fucking the enemy -oye vey!
This is a very thorny issue - because if the ignorant rednecks stop enlisting - we won't have enough infantry left to invade newfoundland.
It's kinda hard (oops) to cornhole your fagot buddy with "Don't Ask Don't Tell"
It's very telling.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Saturday, May 09, 2009
America Is One Demagogue Away From Revolution
Bob Herbert's op ed piece in the NY Times today stated:
Mr. Mishel has been trying to call attention to the human toll caused by job losses on this vast scale. The institute estimates that the poverty rate for children is in danger of increasing from 18 percent, which is where it was in 2007, the last year for which complete statistics are available, to a scary 27.3 percent in 2010.
For black children, you don’t want to know. But I’ll tell you anyway. The poverty rate for black kids was 34.5 percent in 2007. If the national unemployment rate rises, as expected, to the vicinity of 10 percent next year, the poverty rate for black children would rise to 50 percent or higher, analysts at the institute believe.
That would be a profound tragedy.
We already know that children are being harmed in families hammered by job losses, home foreclosures and the myriad stresses that grip families trying to cope with economic reversals. Dr. Irwin Redlener, president of the Children’s Health Fund and a professor at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, has referred to these youngsters as the “recession generation,” and has described what is happening to them as “a quiet disaster.”
This is a prescription for massive social disruption - and it can take off as fast as those wildfires in California.
All it will take is someone who can galvanize that cauldron of misery out there in an America brought to economic ruin by the actions of greedy and rapacious AND non repentent capitalists gone wild.
And then - it's pitchforks and torches time - all across this sick land.
Mr. Mishel has been trying to call attention to the human toll caused by job losses on this vast scale. The institute estimates that the poverty rate for children is in danger of increasing from 18 percent, which is where it was in 2007, the last year for which complete statistics are available, to a scary 27.3 percent in 2010.
For black children, you don’t want to know. But I’ll tell you anyway. The poverty rate for black kids was 34.5 percent in 2007. If the national unemployment rate rises, as expected, to the vicinity of 10 percent next year, the poverty rate for black children would rise to 50 percent or higher, analysts at the institute believe.
That would be a profound tragedy.
We already know that children are being harmed in families hammered by job losses, home foreclosures and the myriad stresses that grip families trying to cope with economic reversals. Dr. Irwin Redlener, president of the Children’s Health Fund and a professor at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health, has referred to these youngsters as the “recession generation,” and has described what is happening to them as “a quiet disaster.”
This is a prescription for massive social disruption - and it can take off as fast as those wildfires in California.
All it will take is someone who can galvanize that cauldron of misery out there in an America brought to economic ruin by the actions of greedy and rapacious AND non repentent capitalists gone wild.
And then - it's pitchforks and torches time - all across this sick land.
Star Shit Becomes Latest Collector Craze
Hollywood Septic Tank Cleaner Scores Big With Star Shit
Wiilliam Bigturd, an American Indian septic tank cleaner in Hollywood announced at a press conference held by Creative Artists Agency today at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills:
"Yep -- it's true! - iv'e been cleaning out the septic tanks of the Stars for many moons and i have saved and catalogued their "Star Shit" with it's DNA -- along with the shit my ancestors have saved -- we have been in the septic business since the early days of Hollywood"--
He continued; "My Grandfather,Johnny Bigdump, always kept a bowl of Tonto's shit in the living room. (Lone Ranger's sidekick for younger readers)"
Moishe Pipick,head of liscencing for CAA said; "-- How much will people pay for an original John Wayne dump or a freshly minted Brad and Angela,or for a beauty from say lacey Chabert? -The skys the limit!"
The Hollywood Reporter blared "There's Gold In Them Thar Hills"- Star Shit gold in the Hollywood Hills that is - and it reported that septic tank wars have erupted in Memphis as a Shit Gold Rush has created a frenzy to obtain the Holy Grail of turds -- a blast from the King himself.
CAA announced yesterday; "Christy's elite auction house will be the exclusive seller of the Star Shit " and Arnold Grimey, head auctioneer at Christy's said today ;
"An authenticated Star Shit could sell for more than a Picasso -- a penultimate statement about American culture!"
And the Bandit has it on good authority that entrepreneurial gynecologists in LA may have been stockpiling "Star Sperm" -- what is next? -- stay tuned!
(copyright lawyers should have a field day as well as firms who will be rushing to install secure shit facilities).
Wiilliam Bigturd, an American Indian septic tank cleaner in Hollywood announced at a press conference held by Creative Artists Agency today at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills:
"Yep -- it's true! - iv'e been cleaning out the septic tanks of the Stars for many moons and i have saved and catalogued their "Star Shit" with it's DNA -- along with the shit my ancestors have saved -- we have been in the septic business since the early days of Hollywood"--
He continued; "My Grandfather,Johnny Bigdump, always kept a bowl of Tonto's shit in the living room. (Lone Ranger's sidekick for younger readers)"
Moishe Pipick,head of liscencing for CAA said; "-- How much will people pay for an original John Wayne dump or a freshly minted Brad and Angela,or for a beauty from say lacey Chabert? -The skys the limit!"
The Hollywood Reporter blared "There's Gold In Them Thar Hills"- Star Shit gold in the Hollywood Hills that is - and it reported that septic tank wars have erupted in Memphis as a Shit Gold Rush has created a frenzy to obtain the Holy Grail of turds -- a blast from the King himself.
CAA announced yesterday; "Christy's elite auction house will be the exclusive seller of the Star Shit " and Arnold Grimey, head auctioneer at Christy's said today ;
"An authenticated Star Shit could sell for more than a Picasso -- a penultimate statement about American culture!"
And the Bandit has it on good authority that entrepreneurial gynecologists in LA may have been stockpiling "Star Sperm" -- what is next? -- stay tuned!
(copyright lawyers should have a field day as well as firms who will be rushing to install secure shit facilities).
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Celebrities Who Will Sell Their Pubic Hair For Israel
In addition to the celebrities listed below - Mr. and Mrs. Chabert (lacey's mom and dad) and her grandparents and five cousins and her boyfriend Moishe Pipick (a jewish dentist) - all will sell some pubic hair to raise money for the Jewish Defense Fund (in preparation for Israel upcoming attack on Iran's nuclear facilities):
:Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PMat 9:34 AM
at 3:01 PM
:Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PMat 9:34 AM
at 3:01 PM
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Lacey Chabert and "Mean Girls" Return In "Mean Wet Pussy"
Fox searchlight announced it is releasing "Mean Wet Pussy" for Christmas 09'.
Starring Lacey Chabert Written by (and co-starring) Tina Fey, the film features a supporting cast of Rachel McAdams, Amanda Seyfried, Lacey Chabert, and Lizzy Caplan. The film also features several Saturday Night Live cast members, including Fey, Tim Meadows, Ana Gasteyer, and Amy Poehler - Lindsey Lohan.
The movie is about a group of women who use their pussy's to capture torture and ultimately kill Islamic terrorists.
"It's like a mix of - "Charlie's Angels" and all those really cool movies that deal with rubbing out the Islamofascists" said Moishe Pipick - head of Foxlight Studios"
"Only these gals use their wet pussies as their primary weapon -and boy are they destructive."
Christopher Walken who plays Udi Nacksun - an Israeli counter intelligence general who is in charge of the team of pussies (along with his aide Colonel Elise Mandelbaum of Mossad - played by Penelope Cruz) - said in an interview yesterday:
"These girls are so horrifying - in what they do to these Islamists with their mean wet pussies -that i couldn't even get a hard on looking at Penelope's magnificent tits."
And Lacey Chabert commented; "I had no idea a wet pussy could be that dangerous and powerful !"
Well Lacey -that's something we guys have known for a long time now.
Starring Lacey Chabert Written by (and co-starring) Tina Fey, the film features a supporting cast of Rachel McAdams, Amanda Seyfried, Lacey Chabert, and Lizzy Caplan. The film also features several Saturday Night Live cast members, including Fey, Tim Meadows, Ana Gasteyer, and Amy Poehler - Lindsey Lohan.
The movie is about a group of women who use their pussy's to capture torture and ultimately kill Islamic terrorists.
"It's like a mix of - "Charlie's Angels" and all those really cool movies that deal with rubbing out the Islamofascists" said Moishe Pipick - head of Foxlight Studios"
"Only these gals use their wet pussies as their primary weapon -and boy are they destructive."
Christopher Walken who plays Udi Nacksun - an Israeli counter intelligence general who is in charge of the team of pussies (along with his aide Colonel Elise Mandelbaum of Mossad - played by Penelope Cruz) - said in an interview yesterday:
"These girls are so horrifying - in what they do to these Islamists with their mean wet pussies -that i couldn't even get a hard on looking at Penelope's magnificent tits."
And Lacey Chabert commented; "I had no idea a wet pussy could be that dangerous and powerful !"
Well Lacey -that's something we guys have known for a long time now.
Friday, May 01, 2009
CIA Replaces Water Boarding With Nagging Jewish Wives
Muslims treat their women like dogs! - As a result they have NO idea how viscious a nagging wife can be -especially a good old fashioned average "American Nagging Wife"(i don't include girlfriend nagging (just as viscious) because Muslims don't have girlfriends.
That would imply courtship and options for the women,
So you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:
"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been =I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......."
Well - you know the drill. - You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?
Remember -these lucky Jihadi dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even;
"Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......"
At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
That would imply courtship and options for the women,
So you put a suspected Arab terrorist in a room for one hour with a nagging American wife and they will be screaming; "Hey - no fair - i was supposed to get waterboarded - please Allah - kill me -please stop her! -ok ok the bomb maker is....."
Oh - and that's just your average run of the mill American nagging wife, For really hard cases we bring in maybe a Jewish wife whose husband hasn't touched her in five years because she gained ninety pounds since the wedding and all he hears after a sixteen hour day in the jewelry exchange is:
"Morris -you failure -you weak piece of shit -where have you been =I'm late for mahjong - i should have married Abe - he's a doctor -he lives in Scarsdale - he still has hair ......."
Well - you know the drill. - You put this viscious nagging Jewess in a room with Al Zaweirdi - he'll give you Osama's address and private telephone number in twenty minutes -maybe less?
Remember -these lucky Jihadi dogs have NEVER been nagged by a woman -- If a Muslim woman were to say even;
"Mamood - i think maybe you should tale a bath -it's been six months -whaddya think?" - then - in the morning she would be in the town square trying to dodge an avalanche of stones -andd that would be a relief after what Mamood would put her through -and the children too.
How about:"Mamood -you stinky failure of a shit husband - you weak hunk of crap - why don't you DO Something - why don't we ever go out -why don't you touch me - you worm - where have you been - your friends are all you care about - you eat too much - lose some weight -for God's sake get a raise - turn off the ball game - help with the children - what's wrong with you - see a psychiatrist ......"
At this point Mamood would be writing down the location of every Mosque in Sadr City with munitions in it -and then he'd eagerly rat out his son and his brothers.C'mon you CIA guys - give it a try - you know I'm right - use one of YOUR wives.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Celebrities Who Would Go Down On Scarlett Johansson
In addition to the celebrities named below: - also on board are -- Maurie Povich - The Pope - The Dalai lahma - Michelle Obama - Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly - katie Couric - Dick and lyn Cheney - Rupert Murdoch and Courtney Cox :
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PM
at 9:34 AM
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PM
at 9:34 AM
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
African leader Says Swine Flu Caused By Fucking Pigs
Jacob Zuma the recently elected leader of south Africa -who besides rape and corruption -is best known for stating that AIDS can be prevented by hand washing - announced today:
"Dis Swine Flu is coming from pig fucking - and i don't mean swiney pig fucking!"
He continued: "It is coming from the fucking of ugly women!"
'I have never fucked such a pig - and neither is any of my cabinet people allowed to fuck any piggy womans - or i cut off their balls - and we do never get de swiney flu."
Digibandit African bureau chief Elise Mandelbaum asked president Zuma: "Who decides if they are pigs or not?"
"I do! - I do! - If i won't fuck them -then they are considered to be pigs! -
And dis way i keep our nation safe from the swiney flu -just like i done
wit de AIDS."
Well - South Africa seems to be in good hands -compared to it's neighbors.
"Dis Swine Flu is coming from pig fucking - and i don't mean swiney pig fucking!"
He continued: "It is coming from the fucking of ugly women!"
'I have never fucked such a pig - and neither is any of my cabinet people allowed to fuck any piggy womans - or i cut off their balls - and we do never get de swiney flu."
Digibandit African bureau chief Elise Mandelbaum asked president Zuma: "Who decides if they are pigs or not?"
"I do! - I do! - If i won't fuck them -then they are considered to be pigs! -
And dis way i keep our nation safe from the swiney flu -just like i done
wit de AIDS."
Well - South Africa seems to be in good hands -compared to it's neighbors.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Visa Announces "Shop Only" -Shop Til You Drop" Card
Want to get that "shopper's high" without actually spending a dime?
Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ?
Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?
Well - with Visa's "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee --ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost a paltry fifty bucks
And you high roller's can get up to one -hundred thousand dollars in credits for a paltry three hundred bucks.
So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.
And for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and friends - getting yet another " consumption fix" - for free - when you open them.
And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Pipick's "Shopped" us for our housewarming. As your friend unwraps and reads the gift description - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".
And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!
Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Visa "Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! --For peanuts!
Get that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption ?
Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?
Well - with Visa's "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee --ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost a paltry fifty bucks
And you high roller's can get up to one -hundred thousand dollars in credits for a paltry three hundred bucks.
So shop away! - You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them -- the clerk says thank you - and you leave without the merchandise, but aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.
And for a small extra fee the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and friends - getting yet another " consumption fix" - for free - when you open them.
And -- you can give these "Shopped Only"gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Pipick's "Shopped" us for our housewarming. As your friend unwraps and reads the gift description - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".
And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!
Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Visa "Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! --For peanuts!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Celebrities Celebrating Earth Day With Anal Sex
In addition to the celebrities named below: - Also participating will be: - Al Gore and Bono - Jane Fonda -- The Pope and Ted Turner - Ayatolah Komeini will butt hump Ahmadinejad - Rush Limbaugh (with his sheep Oxy Cotton) - Dr. Phil --Clarence Thomas (with Antonin Scalia) - The Dalai Lama -Barbara and Jenna Bush and Bea Arthur and katie Couric:
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PM
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanelat 2:47 PM
Friday, April 17, 2009
Pope Benedick Tells Africans To Stop Fucking
On his way to Africa last month, he said the best strategy is the church's effort to promote sexual responsibility through abstinence and monogamy. -No condoms allowed! -No sport fucking!
"Hey you dysfunctional folks out there on the Dark Continent - i know your'e having trouble not chopping up everyone in sight -and you make a dollar a day - and your'e hot and dirty - and you have no toilet paper or TV or radio or socks -or even drugs -and there are flies eating up your eyeballs:
"But i -Your'e Pope - don't have a cock -so don't worry about getting laid -- i hear it's very messy!"
'If you absolutely have to stick your biga blacka dicka in something -find a young boy -lika my priests."
That Pope is quite a guy!
"Hey you dysfunctional folks out there on the Dark Continent - i know your'e having trouble not chopping up everyone in sight -and you make a dollar a day - and your'e hot and dirty - and you have no toilet paper or TV or radio or socks -or even drugs -and there are flies eating up your eyeballs:
"But i -Your'e Pope - don't have a cock -so don't worry about getting laid -- i hear it's very messy!"
'If you absolutely have to stick your biga blacka dicka in something -find a young boy -lika my priests."
That Pope is quite a guy!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
American Idol Winners Who Desire Oral Sex With Hannah Montana
Also - Karl Rove - Rush Limbaugh -The Pope - Bill and Hillary Clinton - Ayatollah Komeini - Donald Trump - Al Sharpton, Bea Arthur -Steven Spielberg and me:
2008 American Idol Winner (Season 7) – David Cook
2007 american idol winner (Season 6) – Jordin Sparks
2006 american idol winner (Season 5) – Taylor Hicks
2005 american idol winner (Season 4) – Carrie Underwood
2004 american idol winner (Season 3) – Fantasia Barrino
2003 american idol winner (Season 2) – Ruben Studdard
2002 american idol winner (Season 1) – Kelly Clarkson
2008 American Idol Winner (Season 7) – David Cook
2007 american idol winner (Season 6) – Jordin Sparks
2006 american idol winner (Season 5) – Taylor Hicks
2005 american idol winner (Season 4) – Carrie Underwood
2004 american idol winner (Season 3) – Fantasia Barrino
2003 american idol winner (Season 2) – Ruben Studdard
2002 american idol winner (Season 1) – Kelly Clarkson
North Koreans Offer To Cook Bo For Obama's
Ill Jong Cock - North Korea's demented ruler has offered the services of his palace chefs to turn the Obamas new puppy BO into a North Korean specialty - Baked and Pickled Portuguese Water Dog with sauteed hog balls.
Suk Mai Kok -head palace chef - said; "The Obama's made a very wise choice in selecting a Portuguese Water Dog -The only other dog that is more succulent and tasty is maybe a young Golden Retriever that has been marinated for four days in pig urine -and then roasted slowly for five hours at 225 degrees"
He continued : "Our Glorious leader sees the selection of this tasty dog by the White House as a symbol of a new attitude towards North Korea -and has the potential to unlock our differences over the Nuclear issues:"
he concluded; "Any US President that would choose a rare and delicious Portuguese Water Dog as a feast for his children -is well on the way to creating a meaningful dialogue with North Korea."
Suk Mai Kok -head palace chef - said; "The Obama's made a very wise choice in selecting a Portuguese Water Dog -The only other dog that is more succulent and tasty is maybe a young Golden Retriever that has been marinated for four days in pig urine -and then roasted slowly for five hours at 225 degrees"
He continued : "Our Glorious leader sees the selection of this tasty dog by the White House as a symbol of a new attitude towards North Korea -and has the potential to unlock our differences over the Nuclear issues:"
he concluded; "Any US President that would choose a rare and delicious Portuguese Water Dog as a feast for his children -is well on the way to creating a meaningful dialogue with North Korea."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
An Afghan Hound - Russian Wolfhound or Chinese Pug - Better Choices
An Afghan Hound,would be a constant symbol of America’s commitment to normalize that country -and the war against terrorism.
A Chinese Pug named T Bill would have been an ongoing symbolic thanks to our biggest creditor .
Or - a Russian Wolf Hound named Détente would provide a constant reminder of our desire for friendship with the world’s second biggest nuclear power and our srongest adversary.
Even an American Cocker Spaniel named Prosperity would have been nice and uplifting.
But – A watery dog from Portugal? - Is Obama courting the Cork Lobby?
Give your daughter some allergy pills -and think about national security.
Or at least change his fucking name!
A Chinese Pug named T Bill would have been an ongoing symbolic thanks to our biggest creditor .
Or - a Russian Wolf Hound named Détente would provide a constant reminder of our desire for friendship with the world’s second biggest nuclear power and our srongest adversary.
Even an American Cocker Spaniel named Prosperity would have been nice and uplifting.
But – A watery dog from Portugal? - Is Obama courting the Cork Lobby?
Give your daughter some allergy pills -and think about national security.
Or at least change his fucking name!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Celebrities Who Had Anal Sex On Easter Sunday
In addition to the following celebrities there was: - The Pope - Ayatolah Komeini - Rush Limbaugh (with his sheep Oxy Cotton) - Clarence Thomas (with Antonin Scalia) - The Dalai Lama and Bea Arthur:
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanel
at 2:47 PM
Adam Sandler Aishwarya Rai Alana De La Garza Ali Landry Ali Larter Alicia Silverstone Alyson Hannigan Alyssa Milano Amanda Bynes Amanda Peet Amy Adams Amy Jo Johnson Amy Lee Amy Smart Angelina Jolie Angie Harmon Anna Faris Anna Kournikova Arielle Kebbel Ashlee Simpson Ashley Judd Ashley Scott Ashley Tisdale Autumn Reeser Avril Lavigne-------B--------Beyonce Knowles Brad Pitt Brea Grant Bridget Fonda Bridgette Wilson*Britney Spears* Brittany Murphy Brittany Snow Brooke Burns Brooke Shields-------C--------Cameron Diaz Carrie Anne Moss Cassie Ventura Catherine Zeta Jones Chandra Wilson Charisma Carpenter Charlize Theron Christina Aguilera Christina Applegate Christina Ricci Claire Forlani Claudia Schiffer Colleen Haskell Constance Marie Courteney Cox-------D--------Dakota Fanning Deanna Russo Demi Moore Denise Richards Diane Lane Diora Baird Drea De Matteo*Drew Barrymore*-------E--------Elisha Cuthbert Eliza Dushku Elizabeth Hurley Elizabeth Shue Ellen Pompeo Elsa Benitez Emily Procter Emma Watson Emmy Rossum Eric Dane Erica Durance Estella Warren Eva Longoria Eva Mendes Evangeline Lilly-------F--------Faith Hill Felicity Huffman Fergie-------G-------Gabrielle Union Gena Lee Nolin Gillian Anderson Goldie Hawn Gwyneth Paltrow-------H-------Halle Berry*Hayden Panettiere* Heather Graham Heather Locklear Heidi Klum Helen Hunt Hilary Duff Hilary Swank-------I-------Isaiah Washington-------J-------Jaime Pressly James Pickens Jr Jenna Fischer Jennie Finch Jennie Garth Jennifer Aniston Jennifer Connelly Jennifer Garner Jennifer Lopez*Jennifer Love Hewitt* Jennifer Morrison Jenny McCarthy Jeri Ryan Jessica Alba Jessica Biel Jessica Simpson Jordana Brewster Josie Maran Jude Law Jules Asner Julia Roberts Julia Stiles Justin Chambers-------K-------Kate Beckinsale Kate Hudson Kate Walsh Kate Winslet Katee Sackhoff Katherine Heigl Katie Holmes Keira Knightley Kelly Carlson Kelly Clarkson Kelly Preston Kelly Ripa Keri Russell Kiley Dean Kim Basinger Kirsten Dunst Krista Allen Kristanna Loken Kristen Bell Kristin Kreuk Kurt Russell-------L--------Lacey Chabert Laetitia Casta Laura Linney Lea Thompson Leah Remini Leelee Sobieski Leila Arcieri Lindsay Lohan Lucy Lawless Lucy Liu-------M-------*Madonna* Majandra Delfino Mandy Moore Marcy Rylan Marg Helgenberger Mariah Carey*Marisa Miller* Masi Oka Masiela Lusha Meg Ryan Melissa Hart Mena Suvari Michelle Pfeiffer Michelle Rodriguez Michelle Ryan Mike Myers Miley Ray Cyrus*Minka Kelly* Mischa Barton Missy Peregrym Molly Sims Monica Keena-------N-------Nadine Velazquez Natalie Portman Natascha McElhone Neve Campbell Nicolas Cage Nicole Eggert Nicole Kidman Nicollette Sheridan Nikki Cox-------P-------Pamela Anderson Paris Hilton Patricia Arquette Patricia Heaton Patrick Dempsey Penelope Cruz Petra Nemcova Phoebe Cates Piper Perabo-------R-------Rachael Leigh Cook Rachel Bilson Raquel Alessi Rashida Jones Rebecca Romijn-Stamos Rebecca Saint James Reese Witherspoon Renee Zellweger Robin Williams Roselyn Sanchez Russell Crowe-------S-------Salma Hayek Sandra Bullock Sandra Oh Sara Paxton Sara Ramirez Sarah Jessica Parker Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah Silverman Scarlett Johansson Shakira Shannon Elizabeth Sharon Stone Sigourney Weaver Steve Martin-------T-------T.R. Knight Tara Reid Tea Leoni Teri Hatcher Thora Birch Tiffani Amber Thiessen Tim Allen Tina Fey Tobey Maguire Tom Cruise Tommy Lee Jones Tori Spelling Tricia Helfer-------U-------Uma Thurman-------V-------Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Angel Vanessa Anne Hudgens Vanessa Ferlito Vanessa Paradis Vanessa Williams Victoria Beckham Vin Diesel Virginia Madsen-------W-------Will Smith William Shatner-------Y-------Yasmine Bleeth-------Z-------Zachary Quinto Zoe Bell Zooey Deschanel
at 2:47 PM
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