Roaring Virile Fire -Orgy King of China

In public a computer science professor dedicated to his students and to caring for an elderly mother who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease.

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Associated Press

Ma Yaohai, 53, was sentenced on Thursday to three-and-a-half years in prison for being a member of clubs that practiced group sex and partner swapping.

In private, the professor, Ma Yaohai, 53, led a life that became intolerable to Chinese authorities: for the past six years, he was a member of informal swingers clubs that practiced group sex and partner swapping. In online chat rooms, his handle was Roaring Virile Fire. He organized and engaged in at least 18 orgies, most of them in the two-bedroom apartment in Nanjing where he lived with his mother, according to prosecutors.

On Thursday, a court sentenced the randy Mr. Ma to three and a half years in prison, a severe penalty for a crime that the Chinese government calls “crowd licentiousness.” Mr. Ma, now China’s most famous swinger, remains defiant and plans to appeal, saying his sex life is his own business, not subject to the law as long as he causes no social disturbance, according to his lawyer, Yao Yong’an.

“Privacy needs to be protected,” Mr. Yao said in an interview.

The case of Mr. Ma, who was arrested in August and went on trial last month, has drawn attention across China not only for its titillating details, but also because it raises questions about an authoritarian government’s attempts to curb sexual freedom and limit privacy in a society where rapid economic growth and the ubiquity of the Internet have upended traditional values.

Brothels — often thinly disguised as hair salons or massage parlors — and shops selling sex toys proliferate across cities and even in many villages, and premarital sex is common among young couples.

Tens of thousands of Chinese engage in swinging (or partner swapping, which is a more direct translation of the relevant Chinese term), according to Li Yinhe, China’s most prominent sexologist. One Web site, Happy Village, has a chat forum openly dedicated to swinging.

In an interview with Chinese reporters after his arrest, Mr. Ma, a slim man with an angular face and black-rimmed glasses, defended his lifestyle.

“Marriage is like water,” he said. “You have to drink it. Swinging is like wine. Some people feel it’s delicious the first time they try it, so they keep drinking. Some people try it and think it tastes bad, so they never drink it again. It’s completely voluntary. No one is forcing you.”

Mullah Educated vs. Harvard Educated

Here's a comparison between the education philosophies at Harvard and the local Fundamentalist leadership school

One strives to humanize -the other to breed ignorant intolerant robots

Academics

Learning at Harvard

Harvard College offers academic opportunities to its students that are virtually unsurpassed at American universities. Courses taught by world-class scholars are available on topics that span the globe, cover the latest scientific discoveries, delve deeply into the realms of art and culture and into the past. Harvard College students pursue knowledge both broadly and in depth, intellectually tasting a range of important topics and approaches to human knowledge while they also undertake advanced work within a special area of concentration.

The Faculty's departmental structure supports programs that guide concentrators from their first introduction to a field to greater levels of sophistication, while a number of other academic programs support Harvard students’ broader educational needs and specialized academic opportunities. Students negotiate the array of academic offerings with the help of an extensive advising system that is offered through the concentrations and in the residences, and that addresses student concerns from the most routine administrative questions to questions about shaping academic programs that are right for an individual student's needs. Many non-curricular resources are available that help translate our students' goals into reality.

The recently completed Harvard College Curricular Review has resulted in innovations and advances in a number of academic areas: the Program in General Education replaces the thirty-year-old Core Curriculum with new courses and innovative pedagogies; expanded opportunities now exist for students to study abroad, to conduct research with a faculty member, and to take small seminars in the first year; changes to the language requirement allow more flexibility in the first year; secondary fields offer the opportunity for guided coursework in a field outside the concentration. Additional information on innovations, and more, can be found in the various departments and programs linked on this website.

Ideally, a trained Mullah will have studied Islamic traditions (hadith), and Islamic law (fiqh). They are often hafiz, i.e. have memorized the Qur'an. However, uneducated villagers often recognise a literate Muslim with a less than complete Islamic training as their "mullah" or religious cleric. Mullahs with varying levels of training lead prayers in mosques, deliver religious sermons, and perform religious ceremonies such as birth rites and funeral services. They also often teach in a type of Islamic school known as amadrasah. Aspiring students training to become mullahs in the Shia tradition (particularly Iran) are generally called Ayatollah, or (plural)Ayatollahs. This triumvirate of knowledge is applied mostly in interpreting Islamic texts (ie. theQuran, Hadiths, etc.) for matters of Shariah, ie Islamic law. Mullah's are often shown in western media as being extreme; it can be agreed that every muslim differs in the strenuousness of his/her practice, and belief in the teachings of Islam

Homo's Demonstrate In Support Of The Pope

VATICAN CITY – More than 100,000 Homos filled St. Peter's Square on Sunday in a major show of support for Pope Benedict XVI over the clerical sex abuse scandal.

Benedict said he was comforted by such a "beautiful and spontaneous show of faith and solidarityfrom the Homo community who now make up forty % of all ordained Priests"

And again denounced what he called "No bigga thing -whatsa the matta? -The press is outa to get us!""

Estimates from Vatican police, the Vatican press

office said 150,000 people had turned out for the demonstration organized by an association of 68 Italian gay groups.

Despite a drizzling rain, the balloon- and banner-toting faithful from around Italy overflowed from the piazza; banners hung up on Bernini's colonnade encircling the piazza read "Together with the pope," and "Don't be afraid, Jesus was a Homo too."

"We are here to show both to other people and to ourselves our solidarity with the church in this difficult time," said Simone Pleticos, a 24-year-old homo student who traveled from Milan for the occasion.

Such large crowds are usually reserved for major holiday Masses and canonizations, not for Benedict's brief, 10-minute Sunday blessings from his studio window. The crowd interrupted Benedict frequently with applause and shouts of

"BenedettoIssa "The Fruita Popa"!" and the pontiff himself strayed from his prepared remarks to thank them again and again and bent over to show his asshole".

"Thank you for your presence and trust," he said. "All of gay Italy is here."

"Hunter Gatherer Diet" Endorsed By FDA

Dr.Moishe Pipick -head of Nutrition for the Unites States FDA -and President Obama's go to guy on ALL things nutrition -announced today at a White House press conference:

"Hunter Gatherer's were the strongest and healthiest humans in the history of Evolution!

BUT - today's shitty general mental health and physical health is a by product of diets designed by Homo's and Buddhists (thin maybe - but fucking weak and miserable)

"AND the epidemic of obesity (which is so severe that blacks and rednecks who are the mainstay of those willing to kill or get killed for almost any reason Uncle Sam cooks up) Are now mostly human garbage dumps!"

"A four star General told Obama last week that within five years we wouldn't be able to fight Norway with the shape our Blacks and Southern cannon fodder are in"

Dr. Pipick continued: "If a Hunter Gatherer woke up and ate some fruit and whole grain cereal and then set forth with his tribe on a Mammoth Hunt -- They would give him a dress to wear and a basket of flowers"

He went on: "Twenty thousand years ago a decent breakfast was two Musk Ox eye balls floating in Beaver fat -and a freshly roasted Caribou liver"

"I mean -these guys weren't heading out to a Yoga class and then sitting at a desk all day -The average new age male couldn't even lift the clubs those guys carried -and today's fast food fat teenagers would be turned over to the Priests as temple slaves (for dusk till dawn corn holing)"

Pipick continued: "Anyway -the diet that kept the Hunter gatherer's in shape for survival back then - we have found out through exhaustive testing - IS STILL the perfect diet regimen for today's men (no info is yet available regarding women who pretty much ate leftovers )

"It is a diet rich in fatty Meats - Lots of organs,especially hearts livers and testacles -Beer brewed from bark and grass -and no noshing after dark -except on the person next to you"

No nuts or fruit of any kind except during famines --ALL grains should be only eaten by slaves and homos - NO Juice except fresh squeezed from raw meat(which is a good source of anti oxidents ) -And for Gods sake forget about fish oil and that crap!! (Try Hunting a Sabre Toothed Tiger with the runs "

"Our Hunter Gatherer forefathers knew what to eat and were happy and long lived"

"OH" said Dr. Pipick: "And they weren't pussy wupped either -Obama told me that since he has switched to The Hunter Gatherer Diet -He takes NO shit from Michelle!"

Fox TV Announces "Fruit Camp"

Mike Darnhell -Head of Fox Reality TV announced today:

"Well here comes another winner from Fox with positive social benefits too boot."

"Fruit Camp" takes place on a beautiful Atoll in the Carribean Sea near Bimini -and the "Fruits" are the gays who will be participating in this Fruit (Boot Camp) we're they will go through the painful process of "Cumming Out" (oops a pun)

He continued: "Some of my staff wanted to call it "Coming Out Boot Camp" -but as soon as i said Nah! -It's really a "Fruit Camp" -They all said i was right as usual"

"Anyway - The Camp will provide the "Fruits" with a chance to break away from their "Straight" jackets of heterosexuality in the most comfortable and fun environment possible - and in a very TV friendly atmosphere"

Mike went on: "There's gonna be a lotta partying and celebration and we have stocked up on lubricants and rubber gloves and Gerbils and that kinda stuff -and there will be a medical team on the island -and oversight provided by the Fox "Safe Sex Police"

He concluded: "And -we will have Priests with the production team who will give Confession -and of course stick around for the late night cornholing"

Fox does it again!

Worldwide "Coyote Arm" Gathering Draws Millions

Men -from around the world - who have chewed off their arm so as to not risk waking the "Beast" they found snuggled up next to them after a drunken night of partying - joined together in Basil Switzerland today -To celebrate their collegial honor and bravery -and to warn "Men Everywhere" of the potential consequences of "Drunken Passion".

Moishe Pipick - Leader of the UCAF (Universal Coyote Arm federation) - chosen for being the first man to chew off BOTH arms when he woke up with TWINS - who in his words. "Defied description" announced:

"Men who have lost an arm in the service of drunken passion - bear witness and testimony to our eternal weakness for "Drunken sex" and the price some of us must pay for the dignity of All men Everywhere!"

Mr. Pipick went on; "And while there has been an attempt by the women marching outside our gathering to establish a "Coyote Arm" organization of their own -we can see by the number of one armed women marching - that they have a limited following"

"And - we have it on good sources - that most of those one armed women were the victims of MEN who got their arms mixed up"

"And in conclusion" - said Pipick -"I am so proud to see the growing numbers of TWO ARM Coyote Men". -"It takes great courage to chew off both arms - And we salute them!"

A Simple Lie Detector Test For All Priests - OK Pope Benedick?

It's so simple -EVERY priest (including the Pope) and every applicant for the Clergy gets wired up and asked these questions:

Are you a homo? --A pedophile?



Do you get excited thinking about a young man's asshole?



Have you ever tongue kissed a male?



Do you think Paris Hilton licking your balls is exciting?



If leonardo De Caprio grabbed your cock would you be thrilled?



If Cameron Diaz crawled into your bed and put her thumb in your prostate would it be exciting?



Would you suck the Pope's dick if he asked you?



Do you think God is a homo? -A pedophile

Simple as pie - if you pass this test we know our kids ain't gonna get the high hard one from a Homo Priest or Pedophile priest,

Oh -and we back this up with video cameras arrayed all over any place where Priests interact with kids..

Jews To Replace Cross With Star of David

Thieves have stolen a cross in the Mojave Desertthat was built to honor Americans who died in war, less than two weeks after the U.S. Supreme Court allowed the religious symbol to remain on federal land.

The 7-foot-high cross was stolen late Sunday or early Monday by Hasidick Jews who cut the metal bolts that attached the symbol to a rock in the sprawling desert preserve, National Park Service spokeswomanLinda Slater said.

Rabbi Moishe Pipick of - Jews Who Think Christians Suck - said today from his mountain hide out:

"The goyim are fanaticks and Jew haters and right now we are all dancing around and pissing on that cross"

He went on "And by tomorrow there will be a giant Star of David sitting on top of the mountain where that goyisha cross used to be"

"Next year in Jerusalem"

NRA Say's White Students Should Carry Guns

Clem Firepower -- President of the National Rifle Association said today:

"Every High School and College classroom in America should have a white student monitor with an automatic weapon -- white teachers should have twelve gauge shotguns loaded with buckshot at the ready-

"AND -- all white students should be carrying a nine millimeter Glock with an extended clip of ammo."

Also he said; "There should be a flame thrower -- a fifty caliber machine gun and fragmentation grenades stored on every floor in case of a major assault by illegals -Jews - homos - or other non white groups."

"Every school should have a practice firing range and all non white students should be strip searched before entering the school grounds." said the President of the most powerful gun lobby in the world.

Republicans - wholehearted supporters of the NRA endorsed their proposals with the exception that blacks and hispanics could carry knives -- but no weapons for Asians or Moslems or Jews would be allowed. (retarded white kids and white dwarfs would be considered on an individual basis).

And what would you expect from an organization that traces it's roots to the Klu Klux Clan?

Who Was The First Mother?

It's Mom's day and my weird mind is thinking about the first man and woman who blundered into a sexual union -- culminating nine months later in the "Earth's First Mother." (and subsequent first Mother's Day)

Now if your a member of the Adam and Eve crowd or you still believe in the tooth fairy and a personal god please stop reading -- you are delusional and have better things to do -- like seeing a Doctor.

But for those of us who like to ponder weird shit it might be fun to consider how that first sexual union occurred?

A big burly apish hominid has woken up in great discomfort because his penis is throbbing against a stone on the bare earth with some leaves and moss on it -- the forerunner of the sealy posturepedic mattress. "Oye vey!" he groans, and awakens the guy next to him -- who he doesn't realize is actually a female. She looks exactly like him but with a different chest and a different genitalia arrangement -- but since no one understood anything back then there was no reason for alarm -- only wonderment. (lucky them)

The unbeknownst female called Tzitsckas (the strange chested one)) say's; "Vooz machsta (what's up) Oorgy?" To which Oorgy replied; "Mine shticklach es grovnen!(my stick is growing).
To which the soon to be first impregnated female replies; " Ach mine tuchas ess grovnen shticklaken" (oh shit - it's growing into a big stick!)

And standing up and saying words in the ancient cave Yiddish that have echoed down through the eons -- i said them myself only last week (and i translate) "Stand back Tzitsckas --i don't know how big this will get."
And -- at an engorged thirteen inches it slowed,and finally stopped at sixteen inches. (a phsical trait which only exists today in black athletes).

Well here's where Genetics and DNA took over, as Tzitsckas cried out! And i'm using the original cave Yiddish here to emphasize and honor the Ancient request that men have been hearing, from women. for over three hundred thousand years in thousands of languages: -- but this was the first time! -- "Oh Oorgy , ich nam so hornen ples shtick ein huge lognin ent mine holen!" (Oh Oorgy, i'm so horny -please stick your huge stick (becomes 'dick') -- in my hole)

And when Oorg climaxed he let out a thunderous cry across the Tundra -- "Whoopee" (the ancient origin of the word pussy which evolved from '"oopee" to "pooshme"to '"pussy woopee" to finally "pussy wipped' and 'pussy"

Well,nine months later Oorg and Tzitsckas had a twenty two pond baby boy they named Irving (the first Jew) --and one year later celebrated the Earth's -- first Mother's Day.

And for those of you who are wondering where Oorg and Tzitsckas came from and why this whole chain of events didn't register earlier wih their births and their parents etc. -- well how the the fuck would i know ! Maybe they were too high or too dumb? But one things for sure -- Oorg and Tzitsckas were the first ones to do it -- and to remember what they did.

Happy Mother's Day!

50th Anniversary of Birth Control

What Every Girl Should Know

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By GAIL COLLINS

Published: May 7, 2010

A thousand years ago, popular birth control methods in the Western world included spitting into the mouth of a frog, eating bees and wearing the testicles of a weasel. In Córdoba, Spain, which was supposed to be on the scientific cutting edge, women were told to leap up and down vigorously after sex, and then jump backward nine times.

Tony Cenicola/The New York Times

Gail Collins

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This is by way of saying that on Sunday we celebrate the 50th anniversary of the birth control pill. We live in troubled times. But let’s give thanks that we avoided the era of the weasel testicles.

Like a great many of our anniversaries, this one is a movable feast. The Food and Drug Administration actually gave G.D. Searle the go-ahead to market the first oral contraceptive (not counting bees) on June 23, 1960. But the F.D.A. announced its intention to approve the pill on May 9, which also happens to be Mother’s Day this year and, therefore, too good to resist.

This is a story about science, and obviously sex. But it’s also a saga about getting information.

American women had been limiting the size of their families long before the pill came along. In the 19th century, the fertility rate was plummeting, and ads for everything from condoms to douching syringes helped keep urban newspapers solvent. My favorite factoid from this period is that a company called National Syringe offered a model with changeable nozzles so it could be used for both birth control and watering plants.

What women did not have was the ability to figure out what actually worked. The powers-that-be believed that the only appropriate form of birth control was celibacy. “Can they not use self control?” demanded Anthony Comstock, the powerful crusader for the Sexual Purity campaign. “Or must they sink to the level of the beasts?”

Comstock managed to get New York authorities to grant him the powers to both arrest and censor, and he bragged that he sent 4,000 people to jail for helping women understand, and use, birth control. He seemed to take particular pleasure in the fact that 15 of them had committed suicide.

One of his targets was Margaret Sanger, a nurse who wrote a sex education column, “What Every Girl Should Know,” for a left-wing New York newspaper, The Call. When Comstock banned her column on venereal disease, the paper ran an empty space with the title: “What Every Girl Should Know: Nothing, by Order of the U.S. Post Office.”

Sanger was the first person to publish an evaluation of all the available forms of birth control. As a reward, she got a criminal obscenity charge. She fled to Europe to avoid going to jail, and her husband was imprisoned for passing out one of her pamphlets. In the end, he got 30 days, and Anthony Comstock got a chill during the trial that led to a fatal case of pneumonia.

It was the courts that eventually gave women the right to not only have access to birth control, but also information that told them what was available and how to use it. (The first big victory had the memorable name of U.S. v. One Package of Japanese Pessaries.) Sanger, meanwhile, helped bring together the wealthy donors and brilliant researchers who would bring forth the first effective oral contraception.

“There’s gonna be some changes made right here on Nursery Hill,” sang Loretta Lynn. “You’ve set this chicken your last time ’cause now I’ve got the pill.”

And we lived happily ever after. Except that over the last 20 years, protests from the social right have made politicians frightened of mentioning birth control and school boards frightened of including it in the curriculum.

Cecile Richards, the president of Planned Parenthood, remembers getting a pretty thorough grounding in sex and the ways to prevent pregnancy when she was in school — back in the days when the raciest thing you saw on television was Rob and Laura Petrie waking up in twin beds on the opposite side of the room. “Kids growing up today watch ‘Gossip Girl’ and all these shows where every teenager is having sex every day — and now we don’t teach sex education in school,” she noted.

Even though 100 million women take the pill every day, to the great relief of 100 million or so of their partners, the terror of mentioning birth control is so great that the humongous new health care reform act has managed to avoid bringing it up at all. Advocates are hoping that when the regulations are finally written, they will require health insurance to cover birth control pills like any other drug. But nobody is sure.

“If the administration would announce tomorrow that all birth control would be free for every woman in America, I think the health care plan would gain 30 points in popularity overnight,” said Richards.

Gays Should Be Free To Enlist and Fight But (oops)

When Marine Staff Seargent Lon McCracken returns to the barracks after surviving another deadly day on tour in Afghanistan:

He puts down his gear and staggers into the shower - exhausted and edgy and sore as hell from chasing Talibani fighters up big mountains all day in the heat:

And as he turns on the water he hears from the next shower stall:

"Oh Manny - oh Manny - ooh - ahhh - i love it! -OOH i love it - but please Ernie -for gods sake - use some more soap - your dick is practically in my colon -- ooh -- ooh:

At this point seargent Mc Cracken has grabbed his bayonet and in about three seconds Manny and Ernie are going to get some radical surgery.

I mean - the two fags are just doing what comes naturally -and personally i don't care if a guy gets a blow job while shooting his machine gun at the enemy (as long as it doesn't affect his aim):

But - a lot of those southern crackers who make up about ninety five percent of the military are going to be a bit annoyed at seeing their comrades getting butt fucked and sucked off all over the battlefield and baracks.

Oh - and god forbid if the homos start ass fucking the enemy -oye vey!

This is a very thorny issue - because if the ignorant rednecks stop enlisting - we won't have enough infantry left to invade newfoundland.

It's kinda hard (oops) to cornhole your fagot buddy with "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

It's very telling.

"Fly Nude Airlines" -Security Guaranteed

Northwest Air announced it's "Fly Nude" Airline Division with a Nude press conference at the beverly Hill's Tanning Center in Los Angeles.

Moishe Pipick head of security for the new venture told the press (while lying in a tanning booth and drinking a Mai Tai):

'Hey -Don't i looked relaxed! -WELL I AM RELAXED! BECAUSE I'M LYING DOWN GETTING A LOVELY TAN AND GETTING LOADED AND THE LAST THING ON MY MIND IS GETTING BLOWN OUT THE WINDOW OF A JETLINER 50 THOUSAND FEET UP IN THE AIR WITH MY WIFE AND KIDS SKYDIVING BEHIND ME"

He continued; "THAT'S the kind of peace and security that's guaranteed on "Fly Nude Air!"

"What about body cavity searches to make sure - well you know?" asked Elise Mandelbaum -digibandit Homeland Security reporter.

Pipick replied: "Passengers will search each other! - Heh Heh

-hey Elise -That's part of the fun on "Fly Nude" -it provides TOTAL security plus it kinda starts the party ball rollin along"

" ps -And you know that no crazy Muslim is gonna take his clothes off anyway -they think nudity is a stoning offense"

"Hey Elise why dontcha strip down and get into the 'Fly Nude" spirit -and i'd love to see your bodacious ta ta's!"

"Out With A Bang!" Plan Endorsed By AARP

Dr.Moishe Pipick - President of The AARP (Almost Alive Retired People) -which covers 68% of ALL seniors -announced today:

“Everyone sees it but no one wants to talk about About $67 billion — nearly a third of the money spent by Medicare — goes to patients in the last two years of life. The need to spend less money at the end of life “is the elephant in the room,” Evan Thomas wrote in “The Case for Killing Granny,” the cover story in last week’s Newsweek. “Everyone sees it but no one wants to talk about

Dr. Pipick continued: "Under the 'Go Out With A Bang!" plan - If you have less than three years to live - -THen - instead of wasting away and being shlepped from one test and one Doctor to another -and then finally and inevitably expiring with your loved ones broke while watching you turn into a dead cabbage roll:

"You can "Go Out With A Bang" - Yep -we'll give you a cash payment (twenty percent of what your treatment would have been) and ALL the drugs and/or booze you want - including synthetic Viagra which will turn the clock on your libido and commensurrate libidinal organs -Back fifty years -AND access to all the Male and/or Female hookers you desire!

Pipick concluded; " The savings wil result in the average medical plan costing most folks under three -hundred dollars a year -And that's with universal coverage - including illegal aliens!"

So - "Go Out With A Bang!" (Not available to most folks under seventy five)

Another Brainwashed religious child

Goldman Sachs Should Manage All US Revenue

After a lifetime of Uncle Sam investing my Social Security contributions - like you - i wound up with a whopping 2% RETURN ON MY INVESTMENT!

IF THE JEWS AT GOLDMAN SACHS HAD BEEN HANDLING MY MONEY I WOULD BE SENDING THIS BLOG IN FROM THE SOUTH OF fRANCE WHERE TWO RUSSIAN BALLERINAS WOULD BE FIGHTING OVER PUTTING THE SUN TAN LOTION ON MY BALLS ...

I mean -let's take ALL of the bucks brought in by the Treasury -give it over to Goldman and Sachs and say -"Hey boys -go run it up until we can pay off the deficit and the national debt -then pay back the Chinks (sorry Chinese) - and then give everyone in the country a nice fat bonus"

Based on how fast they recovered from everyone elses financial disaster - that should take them about three months of credit default swapping and derivative driving and hedge fund hopping.

I mean -NOBODY knows how to make moola like these guys - they are so far ahead of everybody on the Planet that we would be rolling in dough in no time.

Uncle Sam puts our hard earned money into risk free -practically no return securities and we wind up getting royally screwed

WHEN DID GOLDMAN AND SACHS EVER LOSE ON A BET?

Never! -They got every bet covered all ways around - like a bookie!

Another breakthrough idea --from yours truly

your welcome

S

Endangered Homeowners Should Take In Prisoners

Hey - with one in thirty two 'Folks" on probation or incarcerated in the good ole USA (most for non -violent crimes)- at an average annual cost in Federal prison of over 50k per year - why not let homeowners who can't make their payments:

Get paid by Uncle Sam to house them!

The average homeowner could take two prisoners for say half of what the Fed pays out - and have enough income to pay the mortgage - and enough left over to go shopping,

The prisoners would have a chance to acclimate back into society in a way that might cut down on recidivism -saving society a ton of grief and money.

And - Plenty of dough available to help the States pay for teachers.

Hey - this may be the digibandit's best idea for saving America - since recommending Bernie Madoff for Treasury Secretary.

(Oh -and the government would pay a hefty premium for homeowners who house violent prisoners - of course)

AND -Huge bonus' available for those who house pedaphiles

Better World If British Won The American Revolution

Watching the bourgoise elitists and redneck morons and just plain stupid and greedy folks who comprise the Tea Party gang - it started me thinkin about the original Tea Party and the American Revolution -and i realized with great dismay that it would be a much better World if the British had won:

The common folk in the present UK are like Rocket Scientists compared to the commoners in the USA! They watch the BBC and are mostly non religious or Church of England which is like being a Buddhist compared to an American Christian -and they are MARRIED! - Reverends don't sodomize children (they sodomize their wives like normal people do) -AND they don't feel the need to own vaults filled with guns or to kill beautiful animals for a thrill.

In The UK they have a House of Lords that knows the Common folk are assholes -and they are not ashamed to say so.

They also have a House of Commons where the people's representatives act like common assholes and are expected to by the asshole people -Who then get EXACTLY what they need and desrve,

They also have a Queen! - How fucking cool is that -AND as a result all the Gays are happy.

Oh -and without a whole lot of loony religious conservatives - you don't have debates about whether Darwin was an Atheist Jew lover and Creationism should be taught in schools -or whether a Zygote is a human being - and how God said in the bible that gays were Vermin (and all that other lovey dovey Scripture stuff)

AND AND AND -if The British HAD won the war with us - They would have been strong enough to maintain the British Empire:

Hence - NO First or Second World War (Germany wouldn't have said boo with a powerful British Empire standing in their way -AND no USSR and no cold war. (i estimate the savings in loss of life alone - at around two hundred million.)

AND best of all would have been (second only to the non emergence of those American Tea Bag morons):

When you called a customer service department for help with ANY product or service -Instead of getting "Hellooo Dees is Dakta in Mombay Ken i help Voooo?"

You would hear "Ello Mate -Gotta bit ov a problem have yeh? - well you just hold on Gov - an we will fix er right up!"

So -fuck George Washington and ALL The Founding fathers -

They screwed us Royally!

80% of US Women and 30% of Men Would Have Sex With Jesus

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Now that the Shroud of Turin has been converted into a 3D accurate image of Jesus Christ - a national poll by The Pew Research foundation has revealed that an overwhelming majority of women and a significant percentage of men would have sex with him.

Moishe Pipick - head of Psychological analysis for the foundation said today:

"This proves conclusively that Jesus' message was mostly about his amazing sex appeal and not love and justice"

"Furthermore" he said; "Now we know why his message of social justice has gone mostly ignored"

"Why?" asked digibandit Biblical reporter Elise Mandelbaum"

Dr. Pipick responded; "Because most women and gay men could give a fuck about love and equality -they just want to get laid!"

Elise said; "He sure was one hot dude!"

Jesus Spending Easter With Anna Nicole Smith Again

Jesus who has not returned to heaven since his fling with Anna Nicole Smith,after her death from electrical shock due to a short in her powerful vibrator; and who has been seen partying with a variety of hot chicks,both dead and alive -- has decided to ignore his Father's demands to return to Heaven on the anniversary of his resurrection.

Jesus said,"I'm more interested in erection than resurrection right now!"



He was overheard talking with a bartender in Malibu; " I was cooped up with God for so long without any pussy that i just went nuts -- when Anna died i decided to jump her,and now all i can think about is making up for lost time --the simple truth is that Jesus is a party animal!"



"I plan on spending Easter with Anna and Marilyn Monroe and maybe ava Gardner and Scarlett Johanson.



"The great thing about being Jesus is that i get to fuck all the pussy i want --dead or alive."



He concluded,"Anyway ,it's gonna be a great Easter -- as Anna always says -- "Jesus, you give new meaning to bringing back the dead ."



And as for my Father -- if he didn't hog all the pussy for himself and his disciples -- i wouldn't have turned into a wild cunt man."

"Happy Easter everyone~