The Universal Cultural Research Institute in Berne, Switzerland announced the results of a five year study of over ten thousand seemingly successful and normal - high usage Blackberry owners.
"The results were startling and extremely alarming" -- said Dr. Moishe Pipick -Head of neuroscientific data analysis for the institute.
He stated; "I won't bore you with the elaborate stem cortex graph analysis data -or the comprehensive back-up documentation regarding behavioral pathology and emotional deconstruction - along with the acute alteration of logic and emotional circuitry in the cerebral cortex -caused by this device in the hands of high user Alpha males."
Dr. Pipick continued; "But i will say that what we call "Assumptive Logic Pathology" -Which is a mental disorder common to 87% of those in our study - where they are making judgements based on a minimal percentage of the data they are receiving (that info contained in the first paragraph of the Blackberry communiques) -
"BUT - their brains -which have evolved a logical paradigm for more detailed and semi-comprehensive information analysis over millions of years -is being frustrated and -how shall i say it in non technical terms? --In German, Freud called it --Ungershtupped mitten horst manureschweigen infoschlacken"
He concluded; "In other words -stuffed and confused - or overloaded with horsehit information!"
"Can you give us an example of "Assumptive Logical Pathology " Dr. Pipick?" - Asked digibandit Science Reporter -Elise Mandelbaum.
"YES! -here's a typical one - A Television program developer received an urgent email from his aged Mother's heart specialist in which the first words on the Blackberry were "Have idea which you will find important and crucial"
Dr. Pipick went on; "The busy emotionally overloaded program executive quickly sent back a message after getting what he thought was the info gist of the communique "Sorry Doc -too busy to deal with elevator concepts (quicky creative concepts) from you"
"WELL -What the program executive failed to read was the part of the message which said; " Your Mom in coma! -Severe heart attack ! -Need immediate approvalfor radical new stent implantation!"
Dr Pipick concluded; "AND this will Kill ya Elise! -The Dr's next email back to the TV Development big shot said -- in the first three words of a message explaining the DEATH of our programmer's mother: "Mom is gone..... "
"AND the guy sends the Dr. back a quicky Blackberry shot -"Hey Doc! -There are three shows on the air right now about Mothers yaddadada -please give me a break here -- OH! -And how's my mother doing?"
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
GW Was Right About "Uteroil" C'mon Obama!
Two years ago GW had the answer to the Fossil Fuel/Climate Change crisis - as i reported to the fury of the Moronic Religious Rednecks:
SATURDAY, JANUARY 19, 2008
Major Breakthrough In Fossil Fuel Replacement -- Uteroil
The International Energy Association announced today that working with a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT -- they have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.
"Our dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead scientist on "Project Uteroil."
He explained,"For ten years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."
"We now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid -and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.
He went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world, and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide energy market!"
President Bush said today; "The Arabs and Russia and Africans better figure out some new way to pay for screwing their people and paying for weapons -heh heh"
When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy, he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."
"But, said the President - i don't wanta see folks creatin a new market by creatin and sellin dead babies for "Uteroil" - Uh Uh! - But them Muslims could probably make a little extra cash and cut way down on their production of future suicide bombers by sending us lots of aborted Mulims to turn into clean energy."
As KingFaisal of Saudi Arabia said twenty years ago : "Don't be greedy my Arab brothers - the stone age didn't end because they ran out of stones."
Too late!
SATURDAY, JANUARY 19, 2008
Major Breakthrough In Fossil Fuel Replacement -- Uteroil
The International Energy Association announced today that working with a team of physicists from Cal Tech and MIT -- they have discovered how to produce a highly carbon friendly and super powerful replacement for fossil fuels.
"Our dependence on foreign oil will be eliminated - the answer to the "greenhouse problem" has been discovered, and the absolute dominance of the world wide energy market by the United States is now imminent" - said Moishe Pipick, lead scientist on "Project Uteroil."
He explained,"For ten years now we have been experimenting with discarded fetus' and placental afterbirth matter from over thirty million abortions in the USA."
"We now have conclusive scientific evidence that if the abortion rate continues - the stem cellular energy from this powerful fetal matter will be sufficient to replace our entire fossil fuel based energy grid -and will provide enough "Uteroil" to maintain a pump price of under two dollars a gallon for the foreseeable future,"said Dr. Pipick.
He went on; "And this totally clean source of powerful energy is abundant all over the globe - we can import aborted fetus' from around the world, and applying our technology, we can dominate and control the world-wide energy market!"
President Bush said today; "The Arabs and Russia and Africans better figure out some new way to pay for screwing their people and paying for weapons -heh heh"
When asked about the moral implications of using aborted fetus' for energy, he replied " Heck - abortions are legal -and if we really care about the rights of the unborn - we oughta give em a green earth to grow up in."
"But, said the President - i don't wanta see folks creatin a new market by creatin and sellin dead babies for "Uteroil" - Uh Uh! - But them Muslims could probably make a little extra cash and cut way down on their production of future suicide bombers by sending us lots of aborted Mulims to turn into clean energy."
As KingFaisal of Saudi Arabia said twenty years ago : "Don't be greedy my Arab brothers - the stone age didn't end because they ran out of stones."
Too late!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
My Answer To The Unemployment Crisis
We’re not heading toward the danger zone. We’re there. The U.S. will not remain a stable society if this great employment crisis is not addressed head-on — and soon. You cannot allow joblessness on this scale to fester. It’s wrong, and the blowback will be as destructive and intolerable as it is inevitable -Bob Herbert NY Times
SO -it's simple and necessary -EVERY profitable US corporation AND all Americans with savings and assets totalling above one million dollars :
HAS to hire a required number of the unemployed -Based on an equitable formula --a percentage of their assets -to be determined by Congress..
The Corporations are rolling in dough and loving this new -high productivity -squeeze the shit out of the employees paradigm!
And the rich can afford to hire some folks! --It won't even put a dent in their lifestyles --hire some tutors and maybe even some spiritual mentors --Lordy knows the kids AND the parents need emotional assistance in this fucked up society.
Or you can sit idly by and hire security guards later.
The revolucion may be coming?
SO -it's simple and necessary -EVERY profitable US corporation AND all Americans with savings and assets totalling above one million dollars :
HAS to hire a required number of the unemployed -Based on an equitable formula --a percentage of their assets -to be determined by Congress..
The Corporations are rolling in dough and loving this new -high productivity -squeeze the shit out of the employees paradigm!
And the rich can afford to hire some folks! --It won't even put a dent in their lifestyles --hire some tutors and maybe even some spiritual mentors --Lordy knows the kids AND the parents need emotional assistance in this fucked up society.
Or you can sit idly by and hire security guards later.
The revolucion may be coming?
Monday, August 09, 2010
Fox TV Announces - "Save A Tree -Eat A Beaver"
Mike Schlocknell Fox Reality Tv President related a story his Maternal Russian Grandfather -Moishe Pipick used to tell them as kids:
"Now children this is a fable called "Save A Tree -Eat A Beaver" BUT
It's what adults call a metaphor - meaning an example of something else -and in this case the Beaver is an example of a kind of woman we call in Russian "Gevaltnish Pussy -or '"Killer Woman" -or "Killer Pussy -and it's about eating them before they destroy the trees - a metaphor for eating (or destroying) YOU - OR it's ok to just EAt them but don't get involved which is too advanced for you at five years old -but anyway -- "The Beaver was lying in the pond on her back and along comes...."
Schlocknell continued: "So - Hewlitt Packard's CEO is just the latest victim of the "Beaver Trap" Another high rolling power brokering -super successful Alpha Male -reduced to cowering in front of John Q Pulic - out there looking for blood and schadenfreude and a good ole Beaver Trapped - Gotcha! - tale of demise."
"AND - we're gonna give the folks out there in TV land a lot of red meat and blood and guts to soothe their insatiable appetite for stories about Celebrities and Politicians -and Business Moguls torn apart by the endless hordes of Hot Beavers out there ready to tear the balls off any Powerful Buck who shows a sign of weakness."
"Mark V Hurd getting torn apart by Jodie Fisher is just the latest example of a long list of "Prime Bulls" to be denutted by a savage Beaver -And At Fox TV -THEY won't just be eaten and forgotten"
"Save a tree -EAT a Beaver!" Summer of 2011
"Now children this is a fable called "Save A Tree -Eat A Beaver" BUT
It's what adults call a metaphor - meaning an example of something else -and in this case the Beaver is an example of a kind of woman we call in Russian "Gevaltnish Pussy -or '"Killer Woman" -or "Killer Pussy -and it's about eating them before they destroy the trees - a metaphor for eating (or destroying) YOU - OR it's ok to just EAt them but don't get involved which is too advanced for you at five years old -but anyway -- "The Beaver was lying in the pond on her back and along comes...."
Schlocknell continued: "So - Hewlitt Packard's CEO is just the latest victim of the "Beaver Trap" Another high rolling power brokering -super successful Alpha Male -reduced to cowering in front of John Q Pulic - out there looking for blood and schadenfreude and a good ole Beaver Trapped - Gotcha! - tale of demise."
"AND - we're gonna give the folks out there in TV land a lot of red meat and blood and guts to soothe their insatiable appetite for stories about Celebrities and Politicians -and Business Moguls torn apart by the endless hordes of Hot Beavers out there ready to tear the balls off any Powerful Buck who shows a sign of weakness."
"Mark V Hurd getting torn apart by Jodie Fisher is just the latest example of a long list of "Prime Bulls" to be denutted by a savage Beaver -And At Fox TV -THEY won't just be eaten and forgotten"
"Save a tree -EAT a Beaver!" Summer of 2011
Fox TV Announces - "Save A Tree -Eat A Beaver"
Mike Schlocknell Fox Reality Tv President related a story his Maternal Russian Grandfather -Moishe Pipick used to tell them as kids:
"Now children this is a fable called "Save A Tree -Eat A Beaver" BUT
It's what adults call a metaphor - meaning an example of something else -and in this case the Beaver is an example of a kind of woman we call in Russian "Gevaltnish Pussy -or '"Killer Woman" -or "Killer Pussy -and it's about eating them before they destroy the trees - a metaphor for eating (or destroying) YOU - OR it's ok to just EAt them but don't get involved which is too advanced for you at five years old -but anyway -- "The Beaver was lying in the pond on her back and along comes...."
Schlocknell continued: "So - Hewlitt Packard's CEO is just the latest victim of the "Beaver Trap" Another high rolling power brokering -super successful Alpha Male -reduced to cowering in front of John Q Pulic - out there looking for blood and schadenfreude and a good ole Beaver Trapped - Gotcha! - tale of demise."
"AND - we're gonna give the folks out there in TV land a lot of red meat and blood and guts to soothe their insatiable appetite for stories about Celebrities and Politicians -and Business Moguls torn apart by the endless hordes of Hot Beavers out there ready to tear the balls off any Powerful Buck who shows a sign of weakness."
"Mark V Hurd getting torn apart by Jodie Fisher is just the latest example of a long list of "Prime Bulls" to be denutted by a savage Beaver -And At Fox TV -THEY won't just be eaten and forgotten"
"Save a tree -EAT a Beaver!" Summer of 2011
"Now children this is a fable called "Save A Tree -Eat A Beaver" BUT
It's what adults call a metaphor - meaning an example of something else -and in this case the Beaver is an example of a kind of woman we call in Russian "Gevaltnish Pussy -or '"Killer Woman" -or "Killer Pussy -and it's about eating them before they destroy the trees - a metaphor for eating (or destroying) YOU - OR it's ok to just EAt them but don't get involved which is too advanced for you at five years old -but anyway -- "The Beaver was lying in the pond on her back and along comes...."
Schlocknell continued: "So - Hewlitt Packard's CEO is just the latest victim of the "Beaver Trap" Another high rolling power brokering -super successful Alpha Male -reduced to cowering in front of John Q Pulic - out there looking for blood and schadenfreude and a good ole Beaver Trapped - Gotcha! - tale of demise."
"AND - we're gonna give the folks out there in TV land a lot of red meat and blood and guts to soothe their insatiable appetite for stories about Celebrities and Politicians -and Business Moguls torn apart by the endless hordes of Hot Beavers out there ready to tear the balls off any Powerful Buck who shows a sign of weakness."
"Mark V Hurd getting torn apart by Jodie Fisher is just the latest example of a long list of "Prime Bulls" to be denutted by a savage Beaver -And At Fox TV -THEY won't just be eaten and forgotten"
"Save a tree -EAT a Beaver!" Summer of 2011
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Dog Hating Muslims Should Be Deported
First of all any group that believes that dogs are ritually unclean -especially one known for it's lack of sanitation and personal hygiene -AND who live in a country with 83 million dog owners/lovers is asking for trouble.
AND -all the Muslims and their spiritual leaders have a responsibility to speak out against Islamo Fascism -and it would be nice to see at least ONE "March Against Muslim Fundamentalist Butchers" take place somewhere -anywhere -anytime now in America.
Hey you Muslims are dealing with folks who almost wiped out the Jews for a crime they believe some Jew commited 2000 years ago -and refused to let Catholics vote in the original thirteen colonies (except Maryland which was mostly Catholic). AND detained innocent Japanese citizens during WW2 in concentration camps just because they were short.
What the fuck do you think these maniacs are prepared to do to a bunch of folks who don't say boo when their brethren are trying to annihilate us Infidels 24/7.
And you Muslims don't eat BBQ pork and hate dogs and TV and video games and kinky sex - on top of all that other Koranic Violence shit.
Lotsa luck - and take a bath!
The woeful lack of protestation by American Muslims has rightfully led to the morons of The Religious right and the American rednecks to martial their hatred against them-here are some of the latest examples -published in The NY Times:
"In Murfreesboro, Tenn., Republican candidates have denounced plans for a large Muslim center proposed near a subdivision, and hundreds of protesters have turned out for a march and a county meeting.
In late June, in Temecula, Calif., members of a local Tea Party group took dogs and picket signs to Friday prayers at a mosque that is seeking to build a new worship center on a vacant lot nearby.
In Sheboygan, Wis., a few Christian ministers led a noisy fight against a Muslim group that sought permission to open a mosque in a former health food store bought by a Muslim doctor.
At one time, neighbors who did not want mosques in their backyards said their concerns were over traffic, parking and noise — the same reasons they might object to a church or a synagogue. But now the gloves are off.
In all of the recent conflicts, opponents have said their problem is Islam itself. They quote passages from the Koran and argue that even the most Americanized Muslim secretly wants to replace the Constitution with Islamic Shariah law."
AND -all the Muslims and their spiritual leaders have a responsibility to speak out against Islamo Fascism -and it would be nice to see at least ONE "March Against Muslim Fundamentalist Butchers" take place somewhere -anywhere -anytime now in America.
Hey you Muslims are dealing with folks who almost wiped out the Jews for a crime they believe some Jew commited 2000 years ago -and refused to let Catholics vote in the original thirteen colonies (except Maryland which was mostly Catholic). AND detained innocent Japanese citizens during WW2 in concentration camps just because they were short.
What the fuck do you think these maniacs are prepared to do to a bunch of folks who don't say boo when their brethren are trying to annihilate us Infidels 24/7.
And you Muslims don't eat BBQ pork and hate dogs and TV and video games and kinky sex - on top of all that other Koranic Violence shit.
Lotsa luck - and take a bath!
The woeful lack of protestation by American Muslims has rightfully led to the morons of The Religious right and the American rednecks to martial their hatred against them-here are some of the latest examples -published in The NY Times:
"In Murfreesboro, Tenn., Republican candidates have denounced plans for a large Muslim center proposed near a subdivision, and hundreds of protesters have turned out for a march and a county meeting.
In late June, in Temecula, Calif., members of a local Tea Party group took dogs and picket signs to Friday prayers at a mosque that is seeking to build a new worship center on a vacant lot nearby.
In Sheboygan, Wis., a few Christian ministers led a noisy fight against a Muslim group that sought permission to open a mosque in a former health food store bought by a Muslim doctor.
At one time, neighbors who did not want mosques in their backyards said their concerns were over traffic, parking and noise — the same reasons they might object to a church or a synagogue. But now the gloves are off.
In all of the recent conflicts, opponents have said their problem is Islam itself. They quote passages from the Koran and argue that even the most Americanized Muslim secretly wants to replace the Constitution with Islamic Shariah law."
Friday, August 06, 2010
Who Cares Whose In The Graves?
All this hullabaloo about mismarked graves at Arlington National Cemetery seems ridiculous to me.
I mean if i suddenly found out I've been praying over some rotting organic stuff that used to be the body of Moishe Feingold instead of Elise Mandelbaum -my mother -who gives a shit?
It's symbolic right? I mean it's not like Mom is down the lane screaming "No! No!! -I'm over here"
And even if she was conscious down there - i think SHE would think it's funny -and if she is stuck down there rotting away she could sure use a good laugh.
And speaking of laughs -imagine the Lee's are all praying away and paying condolences over private Eustus Clayton - a black man who fell at Gettysburg -instead of their great grandfather and esteemed Southern General -who is actually feeding worms one hundred yards away down the road?
Now that's laughs and irony all around.
They should just tear down all the gravestones -erect one big monument and plant Medical Marijuana - and raise money for deficit reduction.
AllThat fertilizer would guarantee a bountiful harvest.
I mean if i suddenly found out I've been praying over some rotting organic stuff that used to be the body of Moishe Feingold instead of Elise Mandelbaum -my mother -who gives a shit?
It's symbolic right? I mean it's not like Mom is down the lane screaming "No! No!! -I'm over here"
And even if she was conscious down there - i think SHE would think it's funny -and if she is stuck down there rotting away she could sure use a good laugh.
And speaking of laughs -imagine the Lee's are all praying away and paying condolences over private Eustus Clayton - a black man who fell at Gettysburg -instead of their great grandfather and esteemed Southern General -who is actually feeding worms one hundred yards away down the road?
Now that's laughs and irony all around.
They should just tear down all the gravestones -erect one big monument and plant Medical Marijuana - and raise money for deficit reduction.
AllThat fertilizer would guarantee a bountiful harvest.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Jesus and Paul Announce Malibu Wedding
At last the Homo icons of Christianity are at Peace -As a California Judge opened the door of marriage to allof God's children;
And -ALSO - ironically - to Jesus and St Paul -both well known homo's in their time on Earth -who have always said they would like to be wed together in Southern California.
So while the moron Mormons -along with all the other Neanderthals on the religious right -and the whole Rush(Oxycotin) Limbaugh and Fox News crowd cries about the end of the world at the hands of the progressives:
Jesus and Paul will be in a Honeymoon suite in Malibu -fucking each other in marital Ecstasy.
The big question is -who is Mohammad the greatest Moslem homo gonna hook up with?
Maybe Krishna?
And -ALSO - ironically - to Jesus and St Paul -both well known homo's in their time on Earth -who have always said they would like to be wed together in Southern California.
So while the moron Mormons -along with all the other Neanderthals on the religious right -and the whole Rush(Oxycotin) Limbaugh and Fox News crowd cries about the end of the world at the hands of the progressives:
Jesus and Paul will be in a Honeymoon suite in Malibu -fucking each other in marital Ecstasy.
The big question is -who is Mohammad the greatest Moslem homo gonna hook up with?
Maybe Krishna?
Saturday, July 31, 2010
9/11 Site Should House Moslem Cultural Shrine
This museum would provide ongoing insight into the great cultural divide between Arab Fundamentalists and us Infidels by celebrating Moslem achievements over the past millenium -including but not limited to:
Keeping the stone age alive and well - complete with the stoning of women to death for crimes that get women alimony in the West.
The enslavement and or subjegation of their entire female population.
The virtual eleimination of democracy as a political institution.
The universal abhorrence and rejection of all things artful and entertaining.
The almost complete absence of a manufacturing OR high tech based economy -resulting in:
The almost complete absence of a middle class -and a fascist corrupt - oil based Oligarchy
A rabid proclivity to use violence to kill one another over irrational religious disputes - AND all non Moslems on the whim of fanatick religious leaders and:
Developing the revolutionary Moslem innovation of Suicide Bombers.
The highest rate of illiteracy in the world (outside of Muslim Africa) which enhances their complete misunderstanding of their sacred Texts -which they memorize.
The resultant response after a tour of this Moslem Cultural Shrine will resonate powerfully - with young and old and people of all ages -and even Aliens from OUTER space - as they stand in the holy light of Ground Zero -and exclaim:
"Who the fuck are these maniacal morons?"
Oh and bye the way -how long do you think a Mosque will stand at ground zero before it gets blown to bits by some redneck who will get The medal Of Freedom from President Palin and become the recruiting poster child for Osama Bin Douche bag?
Keeping the stone age alive and well - complete with the stoning of women to death for crimes that get women alimony in the West.
The enslavement and or subjegation of their entire female population.
The virtual eleimination of democracy as a political institution.
The universal abhorrence and rejection of all things artful and entertaining.
The almost complete absence of a manufacturing OR high tech based economy -resulting in:
The almost complete absence of a middle class -and a fascist corrupt - oil based Oligarchy
A rabid proclivity to use violence to kill one another over irrational religious disputes - AND all non Moslems on the whim of fanatick religious leaders and:
Developing the revolutionary Moslem innovation of Suicide Bombers.
The highest rate of illiteracy in the world (outside of Muslim Africa) which enhances their complete misunderstanding of their sacred Texts -which they memorize.
The resultant response after a tour of this Moslem Cultural Shrine will resonate powerfully - with young and old and people of all ages -and even Aliens from OUTER space - as they stand in the holy light of Ground Zero -and exclaim:
"Who the fuck are these maniacal morons?"
Oh and bye the way -how long do you think a Mosque will stand at ground zero before it gets blown to bits by some redneck who will get The medal Of Freedom from President Palin and become the recruiting poster child for Osama Bin Douche bag?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
"Children Are Starving In America --Eat Your Spinach!"
Remeber when your Mom used to say that --only substituting China for America?
NOW now -Chinese Mom's are saying "Eat your spinach -children are starving in America"
And American Mom's now say "Eat your spinach kids are starving in America"
I guess the next step will be American's emigrating to places like China AND Brazil AND India for employment opportunities.
What irony! -American's will ultimately become illegal aliens in countries we used to consider third world.
AND -the American underclass will keep growing like it did in Mexico -AND eventually will become drug dealing maniacs competing for the drug demand in the NEW prosperous nations.
And president Tod Palin will be blaming the drug wars on the huge demand for them by India and China and Brazil.
But the guns will still be supplied in America -our last thriving industry.
Thought about Singapore? --Israel?
NOW now -Chinese Mom's are saying "Eat your spinach -children are starving in America"
And American Mom's now say "Eat your spinach kids are starving in America"
I guess the next step will be American's emigrating to places like China AND Brazil AND India for employment opportunities.
What irony! -American's will ultimately become illegal aliens in countries we used to consider third world.
AND -the American underclass will keep growing like it did in Mexico -AND eventually will become drug dealing maniacs competing for the drug demand in the NEW prosperous nations.
And president Tod Palin will be blaming the drug wars on the huge demand for them by India and China and Brazil.
But the guns will still be supplied in America -our last thriving industry.
Thought about Singapore? --Israel?
Saturday, July 24, 2010
If You're A Miserable Fuck?
Don't have children -AND DON'T get a dog!
So i'm out in the park with Liza (the wonderdog) yesterday and there's an attractive thirty ish woman about fifty yards away pulling and yelling at her dog like a moron.
Liza sees this and says to me "Hey poppy that's fucked up - I'm gonna go see if i can help"
So as Liza gets about thirty feet from the moron bitch (the dog OWNER that is) -She starts screaming "Get your dog away from me!"
In the meantime her son comes a running "Mommy! Mommy! can i pet the nice doggy?" (Liza)
Of course the miserable fuck starts yelling at the kid; "No! No! -You get away from that dog! -and look you're all muddy!"
Liza says to me; "Hey Pops -Can i take a bite out of that miserable fuck's ass?"
"Nope" says I -"Lets just keep movin along -people are like dogs -some are just turned into miserable fucks"
So now we come across a father teaching his kid how to ride a bike and he's runnin along beside him and the bike is all wobbling and teetering along -- and the kid is just laughing away -and the father is laughing -and Liza runs over to help out -and now the kid is playing with her -and the father is joining right in -and he says what a nice dog she is "Su pero es muy linda y contento "
"Yep she's a fine old girl allright" i reply -and he asks me something in Spanish that seems to say "Can my son give your dog a cookie?"
"Si Si gracias" says i and the kid gives Liza a cookie and Liza asks if she can play with the kid -and they gambol over to the duck pond together.
Well -i finally say "hasta luego" to Luis and little Luis and his momma - who is grilling hot dogs and hamburgers (liza and i each had a hot dog with jalapeno peppers and we split a Dos Equis) while singing joyfully
So as i get to my car i see a Range Rover pulling out and the driver is guess who? -You got it! --The miserable fucking moron! -And i hear the kid crying and the dog barking -and her yelling:
"Next time your father can take you to the park -if he can spare time from his golf"
AND -that's kinda a metaphor for life -ain't it?
And about immigration
So i'm out in the park with Liza (the wonderdog) yesterday and there's an attractive thirty ish woman about fifty yards away pulling and yelling at her dog like a moron.
Liza sees this and says to me "Hey poppy that's fucked up - I'm gonna go see if i can help"
So as Liza gets about thirty feet from the moron bitch (the dog OWNER that is) -She starts screaming "Get your dog away from me!"
In the meantime her son comes a running "Mommy! Mommy! can i pet the nice doggy?" (Liza)
Of course the miserable fuck starts yelling at the kid; "No! No! -You get away from that dog! -and look you're all muddy!"
Liza says to me; "Hey Pops -Can i take a bite out of that miserable fuck's ass?"
"Nope" says I -"Lets just keep movin along -people are like dogs -some are just turned into miserable fucks"
So now we come across a father teaching his kid how to ride a bike and he's runnin along beside him and the bike is all wobbling and teetering along -- and the kid is just laughing away -and the father is laughing -and Liza runs over to help out -and now the kid is playing with her -and the father is joining right in -and he says what a nice dog she is "Su pero es muy linda y contento "
"Yep she's a fine old girl allright" i reply -and he asks me something in Spanish that seems to say "Can my son give your dog a cookie?"
"Si Si gracias" says i and the kid gives Liza a cookie and Liza asks if she can play with the kid -and they gambol over to the duck pond together.
Well -i finally say "hasta luego" to Luis and little Luis and his momma - who is grilling hot dogs and hamburgers (liza and i each had a hot dog with jalapeno peppers and we split a Dos Equis) while singing joyfully
So as i get to my car i see a Range Rover pulling out and the driver is guess who? -You got it! --The miserable fucking moron! -And i hear the kid crying and the dog barking -and her yelling:
"Next time your father can take you to the park -if he can spare time from his golf"
AND -that's kinda a metaphor for life -ain't it?
And about immigration
Friday, July 23, 2010
Remember When Jane Fonda said Cunt on TV?
Daddy! Daddy! What's a Cunt?
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.
I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."
She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"
Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."
But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"
"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"
I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."
"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"
Kid's today!
Asks my five year old daughter after hearing Jane Fonda's comment on the Today Show.
I respond, "Well dear it's the female version of prick."
She intelligently responded; "Oh - you mean like the way Mommy acts when you come home drunk"
Yes dear - "And how she acts when she doesn't get her own way ."
But daddy, "Wouldn't the correct English for Momma's behavior be cunty - because it's an adverb - i think Jane used it as a noun?"
"Wow - sending you to The latin School has really paid dividends and you are soo right"
I went on; "Ms. Fonda was using cunt as a noun and was referring to the female sex organ in that regard -she really should have said vagina."
"But daddy - why didn't she just say Pussy?"
Kid's today!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Polish STILL a Polish Joke -Amsterdam RULES
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/18/world/europe/18poland.html
The European Gay Pride Parade was met in Poland by trhe usual Polish redneck peasant thugs that have characterized the Polaks for a thousand years.
The same asshole thugs who cheered on the trains heading for Auschwitz.
Poland would make a perfect red state in the USA -maybe John Baynor should lead a conservative Republican delegation over there to combine resources in the fight against human progress
Big problem is when the Polaks find out Johnny Boy Baynor is a latent homo hisself -whose Little Kelbasi wiener has been known to keep Mitch McConnell on his toes.
Oh and Nancy and Harry should trip on over to Amsterdam and see what progressive REALLY means.(90% of Holland is bisexual or headed there)The European Gay Parade in Amsterdam was ten times bigger than the one in West Hollywood.
Think about it will ya?
Go Netherlands!
The European Gay Pride Parade was met in Poland by trhe usual Polish redneck peasant thugs that have characterized the Polaks for a thousand years.
The same asshole thugs who cheered on the trains heading for Auschwitz.
Poland would make a perfect red state in the USA -maybe John Baynor should lead a conservative Republican delegation over there to combine resources in the fight against human progress
Big problem is when the Polaks find out Johnny Boy Baynor is a latent homo hisself -whose Little Kelbasi wiener has been known to keep Mitch McConnell on his toes.
Oh and Nancy and Harry should trip on over to Amsterdam and see what progressive REALLY means.(90% of Holland is bisexual or headed there)The European Gay Parade in Amsterdam was ten times bigger than the one in West Hollywood.
Think about it will ya?
Go Netherlands!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Does Bill Gates Have a Penis?
I was just wondering about that because you never hear about him foolin around and he is worth 20 billion plus dollars -and his wife Melissa is cute -but hey:
I mean here's a healthy powerful guy - and he's smart and funny and the world's richest man.
I mean "Melissa darling - i'm off to Paris to talk about the Foundation and i'll be back in five days"
So meanwhile his trusted assistant Moishe Pipick who Gates pays 3 million a week so he's sure of his loyalty -rounds up the hottest babes in Europe and they are waiting for him (masked of course) at his Plaza Athenee apartment -and well you get my drift.
I mean even if Melissa has been trained by Oral Sex Gurus and Yoga Pleasure Masters in Tibet -and they have discovered some super sex drug -- Just think of the action that Gates could acquire around the Globe?
Either he's getting more pussy than the legendary Attila The Hun to whom we all have some genetic link because he screwed almost every hottie on Earth back then --OR:
Bill Gates has no Penis -OR -It's gonna be some kinda memoir.
But with his dough he could probably have a kentucky Thoroughbred's dick sewed onto him - OR - even have Lebron James dick cloned and implanted.
If any of you know if Gates has a penis could you drop me a line?
It's driving me nuts!
I mean here's a healthy powerful guy - and he's smart and funny and the world's richest man.
I mean "Melissa darling - i'm off to Paris to talk about the Foundation and i'll be back in five days"
So meanwhile his trusted assistant Moishe Pipick who Gates pays 3 million a week so he's sure of his loyalty -rounds up the hottest babes in Europe and they are waiting for him (masked of course) at his Plaza Athenee apartment -and well you get my drift.
I mean even if Melissa has been trained by Oral Sex Gurus and Yoga Pleasure Masters in Tibet -and they have discovered some super sex drug -- Just think of the action that Gates could acquire around the Globe?
Either he's getting more pussy than the legendary Attila The Hun to whom we all have some genetic link because he screwed almost every hottie on Earth back then --OR:
Bill Gates has no Penis -OR -It's gonna be some kinda memoir.
But with his dough he could probably have a kentucky Thoroughbred's dick sewed onto him - OR - even have Lebron James dick cloned and implanted.
If any of you know if Gates has a penis could you drop me a line?
It's driving me nuts!
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Why Do They VOLUNTEER For Combat Duty?
Personally speaking -i would rather get married again than volunteer to fight say in Afghanistan or Bahgdad
How stupid do you have to be to be willing to get your nuts torn off -or worse -to save some stone age Muslims who hate us and could give a shit less about Democracy.
Like we don't have enough National Security issues facing us in our back yards.
Hey -i am thrilled that some men and women are willing to go get killed and will kill some of our enemies in the process -go ahead knock yourselves out.
Fact is most of them are just collecting a pay check doing exciting and respected work -and don't believe for a minute that they will ever get nicked.
AND -the vast majority will not get hurt and can come home and collect PTSS goodies (oh and did you not think that volunteering to go kill folks in a Muslim snakepit would be stressful?)
Being poor and married to some dysfunctional mate -with messed up kids (standard fare in the good ole USA today) - is more stressful than seeing a guy's head get blown off -and these poor Americans get nothing.
Oh and General Petraus and the Joint Chiefs have less chance of getting killed than the president of BP -and way more perks -so yeah we need them - BUT they aren't doing it for humanity (it's a great fucking job)
Maybe if we stop glorifying all this war service horseshit we can move forward about who really pays the biggest price for living in this downsliding -drug and alcohol depleted -academic failing - shopping mall -earth destroying -ignorant society -fueled by hypocritic -ignorant -power needy politicians and religious leaders and assorted other control freaks and banboozlers..
How stupid do you have to be to be willing to get your nuts torn off -or worse -to save some stone age Muslims who hate us and could give a shit less about Democracy.
Like we don't have enough National Security issues facing us in our back yards.
Hey -i am thrilled that some men and women are willing to go get killed and will kill some of our enemies in the process -go ahead knock yourselves out.
Fact is most of them are just collecting a pay check doing exciting and respected work -and don't believe for a minute that they will ever get nicked.
AND -the vast majority will not get hurt and can come home and collect PTSS goodies (oh and did you not think that volunteering to go kill folks in a Muslim snakepit would be stressful?)
Being poor and married to some dysfunctional mate -with messed up kids (standard fare in the good ole USA today) - is more stressful than seeing a guy's head get blown off -and these poor Americans get nothing.
Oh and General Petraus and the Joint Chiefs have less chance of getting killed than the president of BP -and way more perks -so yeah we need them - BUT they aren't doing it for humanity (it's a great fucking job)
Maybe if we stop glorifying all this war service horseshit we can move forward about who really pays the biggest price for living in this downsliding -drug and alcohol depleted -academic failing - shopping mall -earth destroying -ignorant society -fueled by hypocritic -ignorant -power needy politicians and religious leaders and assorted other control freaks and banboozlers..
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Pipick calls New Yorkers Pussies
A record-breaking heat wave tightened its grip on New York City on Tuesday, as triple-digit temperatures tested Consolidated Edison’s power supply, threatened the health of the elderly, and tried the patience and resilience of anyone who dared to venture outside.
With the temperature reaching 103 degrees in Central Park at 3:11 p.m., breaking the former record high of 101 degrees for the day set in 1999, Con Edison officials braced for the greatest demand for power they had ever had.
Dr.Moishe Pipick -head engineer for the city's electrical infrastructure called New Yorkers a bunch of pampered pussies today at a City Hall press conference:
"Today it is a mild 115 degrees in Bahgdad with 100% humidity -and virtyually zero air conditioning and minimal water for drinking and none for bathing"
He continued; "They have crappy plumbing and hardly any toilet paper -the woman have to wear heavy dark Burkas -and the men just sit around sweating and drinking tons of hot coffee"
He went on "At any moment anywhere some lunatic might blow up the whole neighborhood -and our Marines are walking around among this happy go lucky populace with 70 pounds of gear on them -sweating their balls off"
Dr. Pipick concluded: "So you spoiled fucking pampered New Yorkers should just go sit in the park and count your blessings"
With the temperature reaching 103 degrees in Central Park at 3:11 p.m., breaking the former record high of 101 degrees for the day set in 1999, Con Edison officials braced for the greatest demand for power they had ever had.
Dr.Moishe Pipick -head engineer for the city's electrical infrastructure called New Yorkers a bunch of pampered pussies today at a City Hall press conference:
"Today it is a mild 115 degrees in Bahgdad with 100% humidity -and virtyually zero air conditioning and minimal water for drinking and none for bathing"
He continued; "They have crappy plumbing and hardly any toilet paper -the woman have to wear heavy dark Burkas -and the men just sit around sweating and drinking tons of hot coffee"
He went on "At any moment anywhere some lunatic might blow up the whole neighborhood -and our Marines are walking around among this happy go lucky populace with 70 pounds of gear on them -sweating their balls off"
Dr. Pipick concluded: "So you spoiled fucking pampered New Yorkers should just go sit in the park and count your blessings"
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Better World If British Won The American Revolution
Watching the bourgoise elitists and redneck morons and just plain stupid and greedy folks who comprise the Tea Party gang - it started me thinkin about the original Tea Party and the American Revolution -and i realized with great dismay that it would be a much better World if the British had won:
The common folk in the present UK are like Rocket Scientists compared to the commoners in the USA! They watch the BBC and are mostly non religious or Church of England which is like being a Buddhist compared to an American Christian.
-AND the Brits don't feel the need to own vaults filled with guns or to kill beautiful animals for a thrill. (even the British cops don't carry guns.
And - the Clergy are are MARRIED! - Reverends and Pastors don't sodomize children (they sodomize their wives like normal people do)
In The UK they have a House of Lords that knows the Common folk are assholes -and they are not ashamed to say so.
They also have a House of Commons where the people's representatives act like common assholes and are expected to by the asshole people -Who then get EXACTLY what they need and desrve,
They also have a Queen! - How fucking cool is that -AND as a result all the Gays are happy.
Oh -and without a whole lot of loony religious conservatives - you don't have debates about whether Darwin was an Atheist Jew lover and Creationism should be taught in schools -or whether a Zygote is a human being - and how God said in the bible that gays were Vermin (and all that other lovey dovey Scripture stuff)
AND AND AND -if The British HAD won the war with us - They would have been strong enough to maintain the British Empire:
Hence - NO First or Second World War (Germany wouldn't have said boo with a powerful British Empire standing in their way -AND no USSR and no cold war. (i estimate the savings in loss of life alone - at around two hundred million.)
AND best of all would have been (second only to the non emergence of those American Tea Bag morons):
When you called a customer service department for help with ANY product or service -Instead of getting "Hellooo Dees is Dakta in Mombay Ken i help Voooo?"
You would hear "Ello Mate -Gotta bit ov a problem have yeh? - well you just hold on Gov - an we will fix er right up!"
So -fuck George Washington and ALL The Founding fathers -
They screwed us Royally!
Fuck The Fourth!
The common folk in the present UK are like Rocket Scientists compared to the commoners in the USA! They watch the BBC and are mostly non religious or Church of England which is like being a Buddhist compared to an American Christian.
-AND the Brits don't feel the need to own vaults filled with guns or to kill beautiful animals for a thrill. (even the British cops don't carry guns.
And - the Clergy are are MARRIED! - Reverends and Pastors don't sodomize children (they sodomize their wives like normal people do)
In The UK they have a House of Lords that knows the Common folk are assholes -and they are not ashamed to say so.
They also have a House of Commons where the people's representatives act like common assholes and are expected to by the asshole people -Who then get EXACTLY what they need and desrve,
They also have a Queen! - How fucking cool is that -AND as a result all the Gays are happy.
Oh -and without a whole lot of loony religious conservatives - you don't have debates about whether Darwin was an Atheist Jew lover and Creationism should be taught in schools -or whether a Zygote is a human being - and how God said in the bible that gays were Vermin (and all that other lovey dovey Scripture stuff)
AND AND AND -if The British HAD won the war with us - They would have been strong enough to maintain the British Empire:
Hence - NO First or Second World War (Germany wouldn't have said boo with a powerful British Empire standing in their way -AND no USSR and no cold war. (i estimate the savings in loss of life alone - at around two hundred million.)
AND best of all would have been (second only to the non emergence of those American Tea Bag morons):
When you called a customer service department for help with ANY product or service -Instead of getting "Hellooo Dees is Dakta in Mombay Ken i help Voooo?"
You would hear "Ello Mate -Gotta bit ov a problem have yeh? - well you just hold on Gov - an we will fix er right up!"
So -fuck George Washington and ALL The Founding fathers -
They screwed us Royally!
Fuck The Fourth!
Monday, June 28, 2010
God Wants Blood Sacrifices You Redneck Morons
Read this and pray that if there is a God he will wipe out the Deep South once and for all -and we can begin to settle homo sapiens there -and start over fresh.
After the singing of the opening hymn, “Ring the Bells of Heaven,” and the announcement that an engaged couple was now registered at Wal-Mart, the preacher read aloud a proclamation from Gov. Bob Riley that declared this to be a “day of prayer” — a day of entreaties to address the ominous threat to the way of life just outside the church’s white doors.
Whereas, and whereas, and whereas, the proclamation read. People of Alabama, please pray for your fellow citizens, for other states hurt by this disaster, for all those who are responding. And pray “that a solution that stops the oil leak is completed soon.”
In other words, dear God, thank you for your blessings and guidance. And one other thing, dear God:
Help.
The governor’s words hung a moment in the fan-turned air. Then the preacher, Shawn Major, summoned the men of the church to the front to “ask God to do something special.”
Two dozen men, many of them wearing short-sleeve shirts in summery colors, knelt and sat with heads bowed and eyes closed, while a half-mile down the street, other men — and women — underwent training in the use of a more secular form of hope, the laying of boom.
The wall between church and state came a-tumbling down on Sunday, as elected leaders from the five states on the Gulf of Mexico issued proclamations declaring it to be a day of prayer. Although days of prayer are not uncommon here — Governor Riley declared one asking for rain to relieve a drought a few years ago — these proclamations conveyed the sense that at this late date, salvation from the spill all but requires divine intervention.
After the singing of the opening hymn, “Ring the Bells of Heaven,” and the announcement that an engaged couple was now registered at Wal-Mart, the preacher read aloud a proclamation from Gov. Bob Riley that declared this to be a “day of prayer” — a day of entreaties to address the ominous threat to the way of life just outside the church’s white doors.
Whereas, and whereas, and whereas, the proclamation read. People of Alabama, please pray for your fellow citizens, for other states hurt by this disaster, for all those who are responding. And pray “that a solution that stops the oil leak is completed soon.”
In other words, dear God, thank you for your blessings and guidance. And one other thing, dear God:
Help.
The governor’s words hung a moment in the fan-turned air. Then the preacher, Shawn Major, summoned the men of the church to the front to “ask God to do something special.”
Two dozen men, many of them wearing short-sleeve shirts in summery colors, knelt and sat with heads bowed and eyes closed, while a half-mile down the street, other men — and women — underwent training in the use of a more secular form of hope, the laying of boom.
The wall between church and state came a-tumbling down on Sunday, as elected leaders from the five states on the Gulf of Mexico issued proclamations declaring it to be a day of prayer. Although days of prayer are not uncommon here — Governor Riley declared one asking for rain to relieve a drought a few years ago — these proclamations conveyed the sense that at this late date, salvation from the spill all but requires divine intervention.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Fox Announces --'Deadliest Snatch" Will Join Fall Reality Line-UP
It looks like Fox has outfoxed the competition with a show which has a huge built-in buzz generator with it's name association to one of TVs hottest reality shows .
Mike (darling) Darnell head of Fox TV said today; "Well every network is looking for their version of "Deadliest Catch" in the danger/action reality genre --so we looked for something that might be extremely dangerous but not locked to physical action"
"I mean -- there is no action like "Snatch Action" --but let's be real --it's what the Snatch does to your brain that makes it so dangerous!"
"I mean --if you fall off a boat fishing for giant crabs chances are you will get real cold --but from what i can see there's less danger of actual injury on those boats than befalls a NYC garbage man -- statistically speaking that is"
Mike continued vehemently; " But a "Deadly Snatch" can fuck up your whole life in an instant dude! -- i mean ,if you get hooked up with a major "Deadly Snatch" you will pray to God that you fall off a boat in one-hundred foot waves and drown!"
'I mean; " Most guys would rather fall asleep in the giant crab storage locker and be eaten alive -- than get eaten up inside by a really "Deadly Snatch!"
"I mean - I know guys who have been attacked by snatch so deadly that they ripped off their own nuts and dicks with a pliers."
He continued; "Trust me i know --there is snatch that is so deadly out here in Los Angeles that you will pray that a giant crab rips your nuts off and you bleed to death slowly -- alone on the beach in Venice -- rather than get consumed by it!"
"And -- we are going to show the most "Deadliest Snatch" we can find on this show and all the vicious action and trauma that goes with it -- and it's not gonna be pretty - just pretty damn deadly"
Stay tuned -- and hide the kids and old folks! --and if we can save just one viewer from a "Deadly Snatch" attack -- i can die in peace"
But when Mike --when already?
Mike (darling) Darnell head of Fox TV said today; "Well every network is looking for their version of "Deadliest Catch" in the danger/action reality genre --so we looked for something that might be extremely dangerous but not locked to physical action"
"I mean -- there is no action like "Snatch Action" --but let's be real --it's what the Snatch does to your brain that makes it so dangerous!"
"I mean --if you fall off a boat fishing for giant crabs chances are you will get real cold --but from what i can see there's less danger of actual injury on those boats than befalls a NYC garbage man -- statistically speaking that is"
Mike continued vehemently; " But a "Deadly Snatch" can fuck up your whole life in an instant dude! -- i mean ,if you get hooked up with a major "Deadly Snatch" you will pray to God that you fall off a boat in one-hundred foot waves and drown!"
'I mean; " Most guys would rather fall asleep in the giant crab storage locker and be eaten alive -- than get eaten up inside by a really "Deadly Snatch!"
"I mean - I know guys who have been attacked by snatch so deadly that they ripped off their own nuts and dicks with a pliers."
He continued; "Trust me i know --there is snatch that is so deadly out here in Los Angeles that you will pray that a giant crab rips your nuts off and you bleed to death slowly -- alone on the beach in Venice -- rather than get consumed by it!"
"And -- we are going to show the most "Deadliest Snatch" we can find on this show and all the vicious action and trauma that goes with it -- and it's not gonna be pretty - just pretty damn deadly"
Stay tuned -- and hide the kids and old folks! --and if we can save just one viewer from a "Deadly Snatch" attack -- i can die in peace"
But when Mike --when already?
Thursday, June 24, 2010
BP Stations Selling Polluted Gulf Oil
Herman Gottlieb had just filled up at the local BP station in Aliquippa ,Ohio when his car started to sputter and stalled.
He said:"I got out and noticed there were feathers coming out of my exhaust pipe -AND -when i stuck my fingers up there i found three dead shrimp"
He comtinued: "And then it dawned on me -Those Mother Fucking British assholes are refining that gulf oil and are now selling us gas from the Gulf oil spill!"
Tony Heyward CEO of BP said: "I will look into that as soon as i finish my colon cleansing regimen this evening -BUT - in any case we have to get a handle on the situation"
He concluded: "Even if the recycled oil can be refined into gas -I doubt if the dead Marine life components will be combustion friendly"
He said:"I got out and noticed there were feathers coming out of my exhaust pipe -AND -when i stuck my fingers up there i found three dead shrimp"
He comtinued: "And then it dawned on me -Those Mother Fucking British assholes are refining that gulf oil and are now selling us gas from the Gulf oil spill!"
Tony Heyward CEO of BP said: "I will look into that as soon as i finish my colon cleansing regimen this evening -BUT - in any case we have to get a handle on the situation"
He concluded: "Even if the recycled oil can be refined into gas -I doubt if the dead Marine life components will be combustion friendly"
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